After all that we went through I would never have thought it could end so abruptly, so arbitrarily as a car skidding across the pavement, into her. It seemed so unreal. Our lives had become more somehow, a love story that fought past prejudice and misunderstandings, to emerge triumphant upon the steps of justice. Now all gone.
I sit here, at the side of the road where it happened and let the tears roll down my cheeks, day after day, week after week. The locals have come to accept me, the strange woman who haunts their street with her grief. I don't know why I do it. It's not as if there is anything here to remind me of her, just a road and traffic, nothing of my sweet raven haired love.
Occasionally as I sit here I am tempted to make my way into the stream of traffic and challenge it to end my suffering. I don't. Not because I fear death, but because I have another plan, one less likely to terrify others. If she knew of my death wish I'm sure it would surprise her, my devotion never having seemed as steadfast during her life. It was, always, I just didn't dare let it show just in case I was lost to it, to her. Now it's too late, I am lost and have nowhere to turn for comfort, except oblivion.
I don't even care.
Somewhere in the back of my mind I can hear her calling me a coward, too scared to face the life that she was denied. She's right. I can't do it without her. I don't want to do it without her. Life has to have meaning or there is no point, we are just existing. For me all meaning left when the last breath escaped her body and soon my own will follow. Mere existence not enough to stay my executioners hand.
Until the other side Nikki, my love.
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