Not Quite An Angel
By ralst
Part 13
Helen took in Nikki's dishevelled appearance with some concern; it almost looked as if the woman had just walked out of a disaster movie.
"Are you all right?"
"Better for seeing you." Nikki winced at her own cheesiness, "Or something similar but not quite as pathetic."
"Nikki?" Helen had begun to suspect that the director didn't always make sense, and that her reasoning and actions could be somewhat erratic, but looking at her standing there gave her the feeling she was soon going to be gifted with a whole new level of eccentricity. "Why don't you come in?"
Nikki's smile faltered as she entered the living room to find it already occupied by some giant of a man, who seemed to think it his right to mentally undress every woman who came within his field of vision. She wondered if this was the infamous 'ex'.
"Ah, Helen, you never said you'd gone and got yourself some tastier friends," Steven said, only managing to tear his lustful gaze away from Nikki with effort. His plans for marriage wouldn't allow him to devote as much time and energy to a possible new conquest as he'd like. It was a pity, but he was sure that he could rectify any shortcomings after his marriage.
Helen didn't like the way he had looked at Nikki; she didn't like that anyone, besides her, got to look at the tall woman that way. "This is my friend, Nikki," she informed him before turning back to Nikki, "and the lump on the couch is an old friend of mine, Steven, who just popped round to try and seduce me."
Helen's tone had been playful but it had produced acute responses from both Steven and Nikki. The Irishman was convinced it had been Helen's way of warning off the taller woman, and subtly declaring her previous claim on his affections; a result if ever there was one. For Nikki it had been like a kick in the teeth; she'd only left the woman an hour ago and already she was lining up a replacement. Admittedly she'd made it abundantly clear that there could be no future, or fun without a future, for her and Helen, but that didn't excuse this.
* I bet you're laughing your fucking head off, aren't you! * Her thoughts growled out over the heavenly airwaves. "Nice to meet a man with such lofty goals," she said to Steven, her instinct to wipe the smug smile from his face somewhat hampered by the fifteen stone of pure muscle that appeared to make up the majority of his body. "I've just popped round to do the exact same thing."
Steven laughed heartily at what he presumed was a joke, "Ah, so I've got competition, have I?"
"Too right, mate." Nikki's tone wasn't friendly. * If Bear Mountain over there is your idea of a joke, I don't think it's funny. *
* No joke, Nikki, I assure you. * Thomas' heavenly voice sounded hesitant, his interest in the current proceedings too acute for him to risk disturbing them by interrupting his charge's train of thought.
* I'll sort you later * she promised. "Helen, could I have a quick word, in private?"
Steven, who still thought Nikki's words part of a joke, couldn't help but chuckle. "Go on, lass, I'll concede my rival's right to whisper sweet nothings into your ear, but know now, fair Nikki, a Bannion never surrenders when romance is at stake."
"And you know this; a Wade never surrenders no matter what." Feeling Helen's grip tighten around her arm, Nikki found herself being propelled towards the door and down the corridor towards the kitchen. "You're stronger than you look."
"What the hell are you doing?" Helen had quickly gone from being confused to angry; it was just pathetic, the way Nikki suddenly began taking notice the moment she thought she had some competition for Helen's affection.
"Who does that bloke think he is?" Nikki fumed, totally ignoring the equally irate Scot standing before her. "Fair Nikki my arse."
Helen poked her in the arm rather forcefully. "I said, what are you doing?"
"I came to see you." Nikki rubbed her arm, wondering if Helen was always this aggressive. "I thought maybe we could go to dinner, or something?"
"Dinner?"
"Yeah, or something." The something in particular being of the no clothes and sweaty bodies variety. Nikki let her hand lightly rest against Helen's arm. "I've been rethinking what I said today, about love and all that crap, and well I..."
"I do not believe this!" Helen shook Nikki's hand away. "You come here, get one look at Steven, and suddenly you want in my knickers! Is that what you're telling me?"
"No!" Considering the way Helen had been jumping on her the last few days Nikki didn't think she had any reason to be getting so self-righteous. "I decided I wanted into your knickers long before I caught sight of what's his face."
* Oh, that was smooth. *
* Shut Up! *
"Oh, aren't we the romantic."
"Don't give me any of that romantic crap," Nikki began pacing, "you said it yourself, all you want is a good time and no-strings. Well, here I am." She opened her arms, almost daring Helen to do something.
"Yeah, well..." That might have been what Helen had said, it might even have been what she believed, but...but... She didn't know 'but what' but she did know that she wasn't about to let Nikki get off with coming around expecting her to drop everything and welcome her into her bed. "Steven beat you to it."
"You can't be serious!"
"Deadly." And if Helen had to spend the next five hours in bed with her old friend to prove it, she would; although the thought didn't imbue her with the pleasure she would have expected.
"Fine." Nikki turned and strode for the front door. "I hope you and Grisly Adams have a blast!" The door reverberated on its hinges as Nikki made her exit.
"Shit!"
"Shit!"
Nikki had managed to walk to the end of the road before she'd collapsed against a rickety old garden wall. She had totally mucked that up and no mistake.
* What are you doing out here? Get back in there! * Thomas ordered.
Nikki looked up at the sky, the tranquil blue taking on a less than pleasant association as she imagined the angelic ones sitting up there on their clouds, messing with her death. * I thought you'd be ecstatic. No more worrying about me tasting the forbidden fruit. *
* Are you just going to sit there or are you going back to fight for her? *
* Don't you mean with her? * Nikki kicked at a rock. * I think I'll just sit here. *
* You mean to tell me that after all that fuss and whining about not being allowed to take Helen to bed, you're not even going to try? *
* I did try. * Nikki sat there trying to convince herself that it was just a roll in the hay, no big deal, she could raid her little black book and find a replacement for Ms Stewart in a heartbeat. * She's the one who's found someone else. * Maybe she'd call the gherkin woman; that would at least be good for a laugh. * And I don't whine. *
* You call that trying? I've seen nuns try harder to get laid. *
* Yeah, well, everybody knows nuns are randy little sods. * Nikki smiled. * Besides, what's with the sudden change of attitude anyway? Half an hour ago you were crashing my car into a lamppost just to keep me away from her, and now you're practically handing me a condom and a room key. *
* Do lesbians use condoms? *
* I meant figuratively. *
There was the sound of shuffling from the other end of the ethereal line. * An unforeseen complication. *
* What kind of complication? *
* The gentleman with Helen could prove somewhat detrimental to her chances of fulfilling her destiny. *
* I knew it! * Nikki stood and began striding towards Helen's house. * He works for the devil, doesn't he? *
* The devil? * Thomas paused, a slight chuckle just detectable across the airwaves. * He spent six months working for an advertising company, but I'd hardly classify them as Beelzebub. *
* But he is evil, right, up to no good? *
* His intentions are perhaps unorthodox but he holds no malice. * Thomas began leafing through paperwork. * The poor chap's been running from his destiny for years, and unfortunately his latest escape attempt just might end up scuppering yours and Helen's chances of karmic evolution. *
* Are you a Buddhist now? * Nikki had stopped. She didn't mind rushing in there and making a complete prat of herself if she was saving Helen from the son of Satan himself, but she didn't think reciting the Lord's Prayer and forming her fingers into a cross was going to do much against some harmless tosser who was just as lost spiritually as she was. * Maybe we should leave this one up to Helen. *
* What! I thought you wanted to sleep with her? *
* You know I do. * Their fight had actually increased Nikki's libido to the point where she could have gladly taken Helen on the kitchen floor, Bear Mountain in the other room be damned. * But she's made her choice and I'm not about to force myself on her. *
* I would never suggest... * Thomas' voice trailed off as he watched Nikki turn and head back in the direction of her own flat. He was on his own.
Part 14
By the time Helen's door had stopped quivering Steven had raised himself from the couch and taken the angry woman into his arms. "What's up, love, you and your friend have a barney?"
Helen shrugged. "It's nothing, just a work thing." Her smile faltered. She'd forgotten all about work. How was she supposed to work with Nikki after this? Hell, with the way she'd stormed out of the place it was nearly a foregone conclusion that Nikki would back out of their deal. I mean who wanted to waste a year of their time on someone they couldn't stand? "Fuck!"
"Are you sure you're all right?"
"Yes, sorry, just things on my mind. It's not important." She'd only blown her one chance at finally making it as a screenwriter and rubbing John's nose in it. All she'd had to do was sleep with the woman, something she'd been gagging to do for days, and everything would have been fine. But no. She had to go and antagonise the country's hottest independent film director.
Steven wasn't sure if he should pry into Helen's problems and gain a chance to display his new man sensitivities or offer to take her mind off it by taking her to bed. He knew which he'd prefer. Unfortunately all those advice columns and whiny TV programs kept insisting that women liked all that touchy-feely, in touch with your emotions crap. "You can always talk to me, I hope you know that."
"Sure." Helen's brows crinkled; what she'd always loved most about Steven was his caveman like approach to sensitivity. It wasn't that she liked being bossed about or having her emotional state neglected, but sometimes not having to deal with all that new age man crap was refreshing. "But I'm all right, I assure you."
"If you're sure?"
Of course she wasn't bloody sure! Half of her wanted to run after Nikki and drag her kicking and screaming to the nearest double bed; while another half thought she'd be prostituting herself for her art if she so much as gave the other woman a smile; and a further half thought the previous half was a raving lunatic; while yet another fifty percent wanted to forget everything and get drunk. Which taken together meant that there was really two of her and they were both heading for a nervous breakdown. "Look, can we just shag already?"
Steven beamed. "Right you are."
Sometimes Thomas hated his job. Dealing with the destiny-deficient had looked like a good career move when he'd applied for the post a millennia ago, but the Heavenly Job Club had forgotten to mention the pains in the arse that he would be forced to deal with. They were never satisfied!
First they complained about not getting into Heaven; then it was a week long sulk about being reincarnated as a goat; or throwing a tantrum because their assignment was a Conservative MP and they thought they were doomed. One thing after another after another. Peter might complain that the Pearly Gates were boring, but at least he didn't have to deal with the Nikki Wades of this ethereal plane.
With a sigh he slumped back into his seat. All he'd asked her to do was sleep with the woman. It was hardly the Labours of Hercules, Nikki had been begging for a chance with Helen since the moment she laid eyes on her. But would she do it? Not on your Nelly. Damn woman!
Closing his eyes he tuned into to the goings on at Helen's house. "Holy cow!" Sitting up straight, he did a quick check to make sure no-one had caught that little faux pas, before turning his full attention to the disaster about to happen in Helen's living room.
He had to do something. Anything.
Within seconds Helen found herself pressed up against her living room wall, eager lips welded to her neck. Steven's hands had taken on a life of their own and were somehow managing to squeeze her behind, grope her breast and loosen his trousers at the same time - it was unnerving.
"Oh, Hels, I've been thinking about this for months."
"Really?" All Helen's thoughts of late had been centred on a certain dark haired director and even before Nikki came along she hadn't spared more than a passing thought to her old friend.
Stepping back slightly Steven relinquished his hold on Helen's breast and again started tugging at his zipper. "You're bloody gorgeous woman."
"Thanks, I...What the fuck?"
The sound of the Bay City Rollers could suddenly be heard pounding against the walls as Helen's hi-fi came magically to life. The volume was so high that all trace of the words had been lost, which in itself was no big tragedy, but it left both of the room's occupants clasping their ears and begging for mercy.
"Jesus!" Steven began pressing every button he could find on the outdated machine but the noise only seemed to increase. "How the Hell does this thing work?"
On hands and knees Helen managed to reach the plug and jerk it from the wall. The resulting silence was like a gift from the gods.
"Must have been a loose wire or something," said Helen, shuffling out from between the furniture.
"Yeah." Steven's libido had been momentarily halted by the cacophony but the sight of Helen's rear end jiggling towards him was enough to send it racing back to the surface. "Come 'ere, gorgeous, daddy's got something for you."
Helen tried to hide her revulsion at his choice of words; she wasn't a prude but that whole 'daddy' thing just reeked of power games, not to mention the twisted incest connotations. She was beginning to think she'd have been better off with a cup of tea.
Steven's hands had once again gravitated towards Helen's backside and he used his hold to lift the slight woman onto the couch. "That's better." Bending his head he again started sucking on Helen's neck.
"Oh, yes." The words came out sounding like items from a grocery list. Helen closed her eyes and willed herself to enjoy the moment, but it wasn't working. "Steven, could you..?"
With a growl he unlatched himself from Helen's neck and with the utmost eagerness he grasped the edges of her blouse and ripped the material apart, scattering buttons in every direction. "Beautiful!" His lips hungrily descended towards a waiting breast.
"This is my favourite blouse!" Helen exploded, pushing him back and examining the damage to her precious garment. "Do you have any idea how much these cost?"
"I'll buy you a new one." Steven again tried to attach himself to Helen's breast only to have her squirm away from him on the couch and begin gathering the fallen buttons from the floor. "Come on, Hel, I said I'd buy you a new one."
With reluctance Helen abandoned her search for the last button. "I think we should take this upstairs, don't you?"
Steven's smile lit up his face. "After you."
Helen had just reached the top step when she heard the 'thump thump thump' of a large object bouncing down the stairs. Turning she saw Steven lying in a heap in the middle of her hallway. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine, lass." Swaying slightly, Steven managed to haul himself up into a sitting position. "I think maybe one of your runners is loose."
"Oh, God, I'm so sorry." Helen rushed to the bottom of the stairs, immediately checking Steven's eyes for a possible concussion. "How many fingers am I holding up?"
"Don't be daft, woman, I'm fine." Giving a leer he began to pull on his zipper. "Now you tell me, how many," he pulled again "am I holding" and again "up?" With a final tug at his unresponsive zipper he turned watery eyes on Helen. "Maybe I'm not so fine after all."
"There, there, I'll call you a taxi."
"Thanks Helen."
"Yes! Who's the angel? I say, who's the angel? I am, that's who."