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ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.

If This Batmobile’s A-Rockin’...
By Teh_no


Barbara had never exactly been comfortable with Helena taking the Batmobile out for a spin, but it wasn't until Helena pulled into the drive-thru at Wendy's that she began to think she was making a mistake.

"This is just tacky."

"What?" Helena asked, still rubbing the molded leather of the steering wheel as if she were making love to it. Helena and cars were, in Internet parlance, an OTP. "It's not like I'm getting McDonald's."

Barbara crossed her arms and did her best to look desperately unhappy as Helena shouted her order through the speaker. When it became clear she couldn't keep up the silence treatment without Helena ordering mayo on Barbara's burger (Barbara didn't even want a burger, but she didn't want one with mayo even more), she settled for trying to explain to the terminally ignorant what was so wrong about taking the Batmobile out on a fast food run.

"Your father…"

Helena preemptively rolled her eyes.

"…cultivated an aura of darkness, shadow, menace. He knew that being feared could give him that crucial edge…"

"Babs, I wear leather pants slung down to here, I have a bulletproof vest cut down to there, and a push-up bra is part of what we may so laughably refer to as my 'costume'." The air-quotes around costume were a bit excessive. "The first reaction the criminal element has to me is never going to be 'oooh, a chick with great hair and kicky boots. Scary!'" She grinned. "Not that lust isn't just as effective as terror for that crucial edge. 'Please, Mr. Criminal, I'm just a widdle girl, how could I ever slam you upside the head with a socket wrench'…"

"Well, why don't we just schedule a shoot with Playboy right now?"

"I've tried, they won't return my phone calls. C'mon. I think I've changed enough into your vision of what a superhero should be. Let me go my own way a little. Especially when I have a French fry craving."

It was true, Barbara had to grudgingly admit. Helena had heeded her advice more since Harley Quinn. The top was still low-cut, but it could stop bullets after that scary incident where someone had blown a hole through Helena's stomach. The trenchcoat was more militaristic and armored, although Helena had mourned her battered old coat and the way it had flowed. And Helena had asked Dinah to help her spray-paint a Bat-symbol along the cleavage of the vest, both accentuating her breasts and paying homage to… Barbara suspected it was more to her than to Bruce, but she didn't mind. So much of her was what Bruce had trained her to be that the compliment ended up in the right place no matter where it was directed.

Now, if only she could do something about that mask. Even a domino to break up the lines of her face, some facepaint, something.

"Are you Batwoman?" the requisite teenager with a surprisingly small amount of acne asked as he handed her the food.

"No, I'm Superman. Stay in school, don't do drugs, and take your vitamins every day." Helena drove off into the night, humming the Speed Racer theme.

The full moon was out, only occasionally covered by herds of threateningly dark stormclouds. It was a perfect night to be mysterious and creepy and Barbara hated to waste it in the world's only hybrid tank/sports car.

"Are you going to finish that?" Helena asked as Barbara pounded steadily at the computer. It was so quaint and cute, the old proprietary Waynetech operating system instead of the heavily modified Linux OS that she now used. "God, why are you so into that thing anyway? It's an antique! You have better systems back at the Clocktower."

"But, Hel, this one's in the Batmobile." Built into the passenger-side dashboard, in fact.

"Who's supposed to use that, anyway?"

"This would be Robin's seat."

"You're working the kinks out of Robin's butt-groove?"

"Shut up."

"No, your ass's spot was previously reserved for green scaly man-panties. That is unbelievably… something."

A trouble-alert popped up on the display. Yesterday, the Carjacker's Guild had selected the 2007 New Gotham Auto Show as their latest target. That, and Barbara's insistence on Helena's trustworthiness, had convinced Alfred to finally turn over the keys to the Batmobile. Barbara had programmed Delphi to bring up any auto crimes on the Batmobile's computer, while leaving tonight's sweeps to Dinah. Alfred would be pulling double-duty as surrogate Oracle for her.

"Stolen vehicle reported on Green Hedge Lane," Barbara said.

Helena licked her fingers clean. "This is Adam-12, we're on it." The jet engine flared as they took off at hyperspeed, Helena's metahumans reflexes guiding them past and in-between traffic with clearances of mere inches at times.

"How do you make all these obscure references to things you weren't even born for?" Barbara asked, rattled.

"My Tivo broke. It only records Nick At Nite."

A wild chase and some red-hair-raising acrobatics later, Helena had forcibly made the stolen car pulled over and beaten a little information on the Guild out of the car thief. She left the keys in the trunk as Barbara e-mailed the location to Reese. Already sirens could be heard moving towards them. Helena gave Barbara a wide smile as she jumped back into her bucket seat and drove them off.

"I love this car."

Five hours of hacking, crime-foiling, and the occasional Dinah-rescue later ("Dinah's in trouble again. Must be Tuesday."), they had finally managed to round up most of the Guild and track the leaders to their headquarters.

"It's a tank, Helena," Barbara said.

"I can take him."

"A tank!"

Helena revved the engine.

Barbara sighed and dutifully began to look up weak spots of an M1A2 Abrams Tank.

"I told you we could take him."


The drive back to the Batcave was pretty arduous. Back in Batman's day there had been shortcuts, but with the Quake and New Gotham's city planning… Barbara made a mental note to find them a new garage inside the city.

Helena turned off the winding country road, the tires kicking up gravel as they rumbled into the old-growth forest that grew around New Gotham.


"Shortcut, Babs." Helena grinned. "Trust me."

It certainly seemed like a path. After a few miles, Barbara recognized it as an old forest route Batman had used. She was pretty sure it led back to the Batcave… eventually.

The Batmobile pulled over and Barbara looked up from the IP address she had been modifying. They had rolled to a stop on a ledge overlooking the city. The view was ruined by an ugly gray Old Gotham building that had been cordoned off for years. Barbara's photographic memory called up the details. It was scheduled for demolition.

"You know, normal couples watch the sunrise together."

"The sun doesn't blow up good."

"Actually, the sun is a nuclear reactor and each second it explodes with a force…"

"Shh! It's starting!"

"Should brought popcorn," Helena mumbled after it was over, enjoying the warmth of Barbara leaning against her. The cockpit of the Batmobile was slid open and Helena had stretched out her trenchcoat to encompass Barbara too. That was just about the best way to watch a building being demolished. Or to do anything, really.

Barbara straightened and Helena reluctantly sat up too. They had tilted their seats back, but now they were perched on the edges of them while Barbara tried to work them back up into place. Helena took off her trenchcoat and threw it into the tiny backseat storage space. The thin T-shirt she had been wearing under it and over her vest was cut off at the sleeves and translucent enough to show off the almost fluorescently bright Bat-symbol under it. Barbara let her eyes trail up Helena's bare arms as the Huntress started the engine. Or tried to.

"Something broke."

"Lame, Huntress. Real lame."

"I swear! It won't start."

"You've taken me to a make-out spot and now you want to fuck me in your dad's car." Barbara smiled and closed the computer. "And here I thought Dinah was the one in high school."

"Maybe if I check the engine," Helena said, sliding back out of the car.

Barbara watched her go, cocking an eyebrow. The hood was popped open. Helena rooted around inside, mumbling about engines and transmissions and torques and how classic the Batmobile was. The scant glimpses Barbara got through the little space under the open hood showed Helena's strong fingers getting progressively slimier with grease.

"You figured out what's wrong yet?"

Helena wiped her hands off on her T-shirt, staining the fabric, before picking up a small part. She slammed the hood down and got back into the driver's seat.

"Not enough lube on the crankshaft." Helena held up the part: A vibrator. "You know how to work a stick-shift?"

Barbara took off her glasses, folding them neatly before setting them down on the dashboard. She laid down on the tilted seat, bunching up Helena's trenchcoat as a pillow. "Are we going to have to stay with the driving metaphors or can you just shove that thing up my cunt?"

Helena looked taken aback, then she grinned at Barbara's coarse language. No matter how much of a Bat she was, Helena would always have Catwoman's smile. "Marry me."

"Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?"

Helena paused, halfway over Barbara. "Did you just call me a cow?"

Barbara grabbed Helena by the neck and pulled her down into a deep kiss.

"Moo," Helena said as she reared back on her haunches, tugging her T-shirt off. The thin rag was thrown in Barbara's face as Helena turned on the radio, scanning through stations for appropriate music. And scanning. And scanning. And scanning.

Barbara opened the top button on her heavy blouse, then the next. "Hel, I'm going to start without you…"

"Keep your shirt on, Babs. I mean that literally."

Barbara pouted and put on a deliberately coquettish voice. "But I'm just sooo wet and sooo horny." Her hand disappeared under her waistband, her knuckles bulging the crotch of her pants outward. "And it feels sooo good to touch myself down there… in my tight, naughty, wet…"

"God, Barbara, you're killing me." Helena, stubborn as usual, pounded on the radio. "Why can't this thing have satellite radio…"

"And if you don't come over here soon, one of my dirty little fingers might… just… slip…"

Helena grabbed Barbara's wrist, putting a stop to her masturbation.

Sexual Healing was playing on the radio.

"They're playing our song," Helena said as she crouched down in the footspace between the dashboard and Barbara's seat, spreading Barbara's legs to make a space for herself.

"We have a song?"

"We do now." Helena held up Barbara's feet. "Boots on or off?"

"Surprise me."

"Boots on." Helena began to undo Barbara's belt buckle. "I love a woman in uniform… and nothing else."

"Mmm." Barbara put her glasses back on to watch Helena tug every inch of her belt through its loops. "Think I should put the old costume on sometime?"

"Only if you want me to come from just looking at you."

"Oh, I do." Barbara laid back down as Helena peeled her slacks off. "I do, I do, I do."

Helena tossed the wadded-up pants over Barbara's head, where they joined her trenchcoat in the backseat. "Don't make me fantasize about something else. I'm already fucking Batgirl in the Batmobile after spending the whole night fighting crime with my best friend. That's so many kinks being hit at once that to add onto it seems…"

Barbara ripped her shirt open, buttons flying everywhere, to reveal black Plastikevlar highlighted by a yellow symbol.

"You kinky bitch." Helena licked her lips and set her chin down on Barbara's crotch, the cleft of her chin deliberately rubbing against Barbara's clit. "What'd I ever do to deserve someone like you?"

"I think it had something to do with being smart, sexy, brave, beautiful…"

"Okay, okay…" Helena set down the vibrator on the flat washboard of Barbara's stomach, where the thin material outlined her abs particularly well. "That's enough of the mutual admiration society. Let's get down to business before we get towed."

She switched the vibrator on, watching as it dancing across Barbara like a cell-phone set on vibrate. Barbara grinned widely, tugging up her armor just a little so that the vibrator would begin to slide down…

"The waves are rising and rising," Helena sang softly. "And when I get that feeling, I want Sexual Healing…"

"Honey, there's nothing erotic about tone-deafness."

"Suddenly you're the arbitrator of all that's erotic ever?"

"Pretty much, yeah."

Helena sadistically nudged the vibrator upward until it was resting atop the armored falsies of Barbara's chestplate. Barbara moaned affectionately at the soothing vibrations passing right through the armor and into her breast. She reached down and petted Helena's hair and face, as always thrilling to the feel of the woman she loved. Helena arched into her touch like a cat, kissing the heel of Barbara's hand when it rounded her cheek, thumb outlining her cheekbone.

"Helena, I love you." Barbara inched her hip strap lower, moving it over old scars and pale skin. "But if you don't fuck me soon I'm going to explode. And then you're going to spend all night cleaning Barbara-bits out of your car."

"My car…" Helena repeated pleasurably. She liked the sound of that.

She moved her chin upwards, onto Barbara's pubis. This allowed Barbara to continue to pull her panties down, a motion that brought her upper body upright. Helena kissed Barbara's belly button and let the older woman cradle her head against her belly with her free hand.

The panties got mid-way down Barbara's thighs before the part of her legs stopped them. "Hel, if you could just move, I could get these…"

Helena's canines flashed and her teeth snapped, cutting the panties in two.


With exaggerated, almost reverent care, Helena picked up Barbara's halved panties and dropped them in the backseat. She picked up the vibrator from between Barbara's breasts and held it close enough to Oracle's labia that the other woman could swear she was able to feel it.

"Barbara. Explode. Cleaning," Barbara tried to explain patiently.

Helena ran the vibrator through Barbara's short red pubic hair with a quick stroke, just enough to make Barbara gasp with the unexpected satisfaction and unfulfillment. It was as fast as a credit card being swiped. Barbara dropped down onto her back as if a switch had been flipped. Staring up at the stars, it took her moment to realize more wasn't forthcoming.

"Helena, I'm begging you…"

Another stroke, this time longer and slower. Barbara shuddered in glorious harmony with the vibrator, which was pulled away just as it rounded its way to her anus.

"You can beg better than that," Helena taunted, now growing out of the footspace so she was poised, surprisingly vampiric, over the prone Barbara.

"Helena, please." The need couldn't have been more obvious in Barbara's voice.

Helena liked being needed.

"Yessssss," Barbara drawled as the vibrator moved over her again, this time pressing down hard enough to actually part her nether lips. "Oh, Hel."

Helena had settled down next to her, her legs intertwined with Barbara's as she moved the vibrator with obvious glee. Barbara could feel the wetness, the heat of her girlfriend's arousal where Helena's sex was pressed against her midsection.

"Tell me how much you need me," Helena whispered in Barbara's ear, hot and low like a bat.

"Like air. Like water." And even though Barbara wasn't touching her, she was getting Helena off.

"Tell me how much you love me."

"God, Hel..."

"Tell me!"

"I love you so much, baby, so much.."

The vibrator settled between Barbara's legs, now inexorably being drilled in. Helena watched Barbara's face with rapt attention, loving every quirk of every expression that Barbara made as she was entered.

"I'm going to spread your legs now, Babs." Helena's hand found Barbara's, wrapped it around the base of the vibrator. "You're going to hold this for me. Don't move it a single inch."

Barbara didn't dream of disobeying. She loved ordering Helena around, making the younger woman obedient, pliant, malleable, but she also loved it when Helena took over, became the alpha of her pack, dominated and took what she wanted.

Helena pulled away from Barbara and unbuckled the side-straps of her bulletproof vest. The hand holding the vibrator trembled and Helena gave it a disapproving glare. Mustering all her willpower, Barbara held it steady.

"That's better," Helena said as she slipped the vest off. Her bra was basic black, functional, a cartoon bat over the left cup, and Barbara enviously noted that her breasts defied gravity even without the underwire. As proven when she took it off.

As always, a small amulet with an inset emerald in the shape of a cat's eye hung between her breasts. It was a fake, stolen by Selina Kyle fifteen years earlier and retrieved in a recent case, but Helena wore it like it was anything but tempered green glass. Barbara remembered, from their last embrace, the body warmth baked into the chain around Helena's slender neck and the surprisingly coolness of the gem itself. Barbara reached out and batted at it, letting it swing pendulum-like between Helena's large, round breasts.

"Fuck, you're beautiful," Barbara said. The vibrator hummed in agreement, keeping her just on the very cusp of orgasm.

Barbara's legs were on her shoulders, being opened indecently. Barbara's left leg was quickly moved across the driver's seat. Her right was hung over the passenger door. Helena looked at Barbara, spread wide open with a vibrating dildo held almost completely still in her sex.

"You are." Barbara broke out in a sweat. "You really need to hurry up and fuck me instead of taking all night, but you're beautiful."

"I know, Babs." Helena slid a hand over the skintight leather that encased her thigh, then slapping her smooth, shapely ass. "How could I not? But do you?"

With Barbara's legs out of the way, Helena was now able to fully loom over her. Barbara shuddered and snuck in a quick thrust/drawback when Helena wasn't looking.

"Do you know how kissable your lips are?" Helena's own found Barbara's full lips, tasting their softness and dragging at them with her teeth. Almost hard enough to bleed.

Helena's fingers curled into claws, which worked their way under Barbara's collar. "Do you know how perfect your breasts are?"

Nothing short of a blowtorch could cut through Plastikevlar armor. Helena's arm muscles surged and she tore the armor open like it was tissue paper. Barbara had to grab hold of the hand holding the vibrator to stop it at the sheer forcefulness of Helena's gesture.

The nipples were so swollen that they pained and it seemed as if the breasts themselves had grown with her desire. Helena ripped through the black slip Barbara wore underneath the armor as easily as if it were a cobweb she was brushing away, at last revealing what Helena was seeking. They were firm and rounded with just a hint of pendulous sag to them. The grin Helena now sported was anything but friendly; it was the predatory smile of a hunter about to feast.

"Take me, Hel. Now!"

"Not until you learn," Helena said in mocking imitation of Barbara's lecturing tone.

She leaned down and bit Barbara's nipple. The pain was both agony and relief. Barbara moaned outright and found no reason to stop doing so as Helena's canines brushed down the supple contours of her stomach, drawing thin lines of blood in places.

"Do you know how good you taste? Not just your cream, but…"

Sadistically, Helena moved back up Barbara's body, licking up the blood, lathering it and saliva over Barbara's aureoles, before sharing the taste with Barbara in a deep kiss.

"That," Helena finished.

Her silky hair, usually grungy and tangled from sweeps but not tonight, felt almost as good as Helena's tongue as it trailed down Barbara's torso.

Barbara gasped as Helena took hold of the hand holding the vibrator, opening it up and taking back the vibrator before kissing the knuckles and affectionately nibbling on the webbing between thumb and forefinger. When Helena stopped sucking on Barbara's fingers, the redhead looked down to see Barbara with the hilt of the vibrator clasped in her teeth like it was a stogie or a penlight. She was poised between Barbara's legs, spreading the labia open with her fingers. She pulled it wider, making Barbara moan loudly as she opened like a flower, showing more and more of the damp pink inside.

"Do you know how wet your pussy is?"


Helena drove the vibrator and her hand into Barbara at the same time.

"Do that," Barbara finished woozily, eyes widened to an almost comical degree. "Do that a lot."

"Yes, sir!" Helena said crisply, if a little muffled by the vibrator in her mouth.

Holding the vibrator in her teeth left her hands free to slide up and down Barbara's torso, using every inch of flesh to increase her lover's pleasure. Barbara's ribs were counted, her breasts squeezed, her thighs stroked. A wonderful heat built up inside her as Helena bobbed her head up and down like she was giving a blowjob, driving the vibrator in and out of Barbara. Barbara's hands fluttered in the air for a moment, unsure what to do. One settled on the crown of Helena's head, not interfering with Helena's rhythm but making damn sure she wasn't stopping any time soon. The other felt at her own breast, doing its best to relieve the unbelievable tension Helena was stretching her body out with. It was no use, but it helped a little to alleviate the terrible longing leading up to the inevitable release.

"Hold on, I'm gonna go something a little special," Helena said as she began to lift Barbara's hips. The hand on Helena's head pulled her hair. Helena ignored it. Her target was in sight.

"Oh!" Barbara shrieked as the vibrator touched her ass. "Ooooh!"

There was a hand at her clit, a hand at her pussy, and a dildo in her ass. Barbara was in heaven. Her ass-cheeks shook with the vibrator's obscene throbbing and her breasts heaved with exhilaration. But heaven could be improved.

"P-put it in -- shove it up my ass!"

Helena spun Barbara around, turning her over for better access. Gratuitously, she eased her body up against Barbara, who felt the fluid coolness of Helena's leather pants stroking her ass. Then, with a half-voiced animal howl, Helena shoved hard and slid the vibrator into her lover.

Barbara fucking grunted as it spread her open, it throbbed so fast that she bucked wildly. Helena pushed. Every hard-won inch inserted into her got her closer and closer. Helena fucked her faster, bending over so that her breasts rubbed against Barbara's back, then.

"Harder," Barbara gritted out in a voice that left no doubt in Helena's mind that she was fucking Batgirl.

Helena turned the vibrator to its highest setting without so much as a warm-up and Barbara came, moaning and writhing and panting and begging for more. She collapsed face-down in Helena's bundled trenchcoat, nostrils filled by the goddamn musk of her lover as Helena kept shoving the vibrator hard and deep between her cheeks. Babs took it again and again and went limp, finishing her orgasm as Helena thrust it in one more time.

"Leave it in," Barbara said, her voice high-pitched with adrenaline. "Leave it in me all the way back home…"

"No. I'm not done with it yet."

Helena took the vibrator out, a sadomasochistic smile plastered on her face at Barbara's moaned dismay, and took her sweet time in cleaning it off with wet naps in the glove compartment. Barbara had half-nodded off when Helena slithered her way up Barbara's body and put her mouth to her ear, blowing a strand of fiery hair out of it.

"We're not done yet, baby. I've been dying to make you come... and once ain't enough. Roll over and close your eyes."

Barbara was already smiling as she rolled onto her back. Her slit was dripping with anticipation. Helena gave it a quick lick and Barbara swore appreciatively. Helena had a way of doing that to people.

Barbara moaned in ecstasy as the vibrator was forced into her cunt once more. Helena shoved harder and more of the long, throbbing dildo went inside Babs. Helena got it almost all the way in, plunged to the hilt in Barbara's tight snatch. With her free hand, Helena took hold of Barbara's ass and forcibly raised her hips to match the rapid thrusting of the vibrator. Barbara was quite vocal in her appreciation; her arms wound around Helena's back and her fingernails dug into the brunette's shoulders. Helena laughed long and hard as she felt blood begin to trickle out from where Barbara's nails marked her. Getting Babs keyed up enough to draw blood was always a sign of great sex… and she hadn't even bottomed yet.

Helena climbed in between Barbara's legs to get a better grip on the vibrator; she hammered it rapidly into her girlfriend's cunt as Barbara begged for more. "Harder! Harder! Oh, talk dirty to me!!" Barbara growled. "Tell me all about what goes on in that filthy mind of yours."

Overcome with desire, Helena bit into the graceful division between Barbara's swan-like neck and shoulder, marking her. Barbara howled with the excitement of it all. Helena imagined Barbara being questioned on the mark by one of those fucking brats she taught or one of those vulture faculty members who tried to steal her away. And she would tell them the truth. Tell them that it was where her mate had staked her claim. The thought made her bay at the moon too. Overhead, the full moon hung, accepting their tribute.

"Do you know how many times I've used this vibrator?" Helena hissed against Barbara's shoulder, her voice so lustful and animalistic that Barbara pulled the two of them tightly together like they were one. "How many times I've fucked myself with it? I used to picture you when I came. Those perfects tits… those green eyes… how you'd look once I got done fucking every inch of you."

Helena, straddling Barbara, pressed her dripping cunt to Barbara's. She eased her ass down and felt her pussy pressing against the rear end of the vibrator impaling Barbara. It throbbed wildly and Helena happily immersed it so the dildo was halfway hers, halfway Barbara's. She started rocking her hips, plunging the vibrator deep and fucking Barbara with it as the tingling sensations filled her whole body. She shoved it still deeper, making Barbara take it all, and Barbara loved her for it.

"He… len… a…" The word came out in halting syllables, as if to say it all at once would destroy Barbara.

"That was before we got together. I'm gonna give it to you now." Helena smiled at her own pun. "I'm gonna give it to you because I don't need it anymore. I've got your tongue and your fingers and the sight of you covered in sweat because I just got finished fucking you right through the mattress."

Barbara's throat quivered as she came for the second time, her mouth caught open in a silent scream that became a long, drawn-out moan. Helena's Cheshire cat smile widened with every second of that beautiful sound.

"Music to my ears. Give me your cum, Oracle. Give it to me, NOW!"

Barbara did, tiny sprays out of her crammed cunt firing over both of their thighs. Helena laughed triumphantly, while Barbara just smiled and groaned.

"'Give me your cum, Oracle'?"

"Heard it in a dirty movie." With a grunt of exertion, Helena got up on her hands and knees. A tremor passed through Barbara's face and body as Helena removed the vibrator from her, than an altogether different tremor as Helena extracted it from herself. "Uch."

"That was my turn, right?"

"Right," Helena said, not seeing where Barbara was going with this.

Barbara grabbed Helena by the hair and wrenched her down to the floor, quickly rolling on top of her.

"I think now it's your turn then."

Helena grinned as Barbara effortlessly took control of her. "I think so too."

Helena looked up into Barbara's eyes as the redhead's fingernails scratched Helena's stomach, retaliation for the biting earlier. Helena dutifully winced.

"Mine," Barbara whispered as her hands moved upward and her body curved inward towards Helena. "All mine."

"I'm yours," Helena gasped, relaxing completely in Barbara's presence. She felt as if she could melt. Her arms were hanging limply at her side and her legs were casually wrapped around Barbara, ankles crossed indolently.

"Anything I want from you," Barbara whispered to her -- "Anything at all" -- as her teeth sank into Helena's neck, marking her just as Barbara'd been marked.

"Anything," Helena said, so quiet it wasn't even a word so much as any emotion… one that Barbara felt loud and clear as she pulled back. Blood dripped from her lips onto Helena's half-naked body. Helena hitched her thumbs into her waistband, ready to make it all-naked. "Babs, I know it's been years since I've said this, but let me assure you I mean it in an entirely different way: Bite me."

The crunch of tires on gravel was Helena's first clue that something was wrong. Throwing Barbara off her, she slammed a fist down on the button that closed the cockpit. Only moments later, a police car rounded the corner of the winding forest road. Through the one-way mirror of the windshield, Helena and Barbara watched as it came to a stop and a patrolman got out.

"This is so embarrassing," Barbara muttered.


"Maybe I should get dressed."

"Let's not do anything too drastic."

The officer looked at the Batmobile, scratched his head quizzically, then took out his cell-phone.

"Is he calling for back-up?" Helena whispered.

"He would use his radio for that."

"I knew that."

Fortunately, the Batman and Batmobile were generally considered a myth in New Gotham, so the cop dismissed it as nothing more than an elaborate hoax… probably planned by students at New Gotham University. He took a photo of it on his camera-phone, then stepped a little closer.

"If he tries to key this thing, I'm gonna go out there and beat his ass."

"You're naked," Barbara reminded her.

"Like that would ever stop me. Is this thing soundproof?"


"Hey, coppa-coppa-coppa," Helena taunted as he got closer. "Swing, coppa-coppa-coppa…"

The police officer ran an admiring hand over the Batmobile's chassis, then walked back to his car after leaving something on the polarized windshield. Helena squinted to read it in the dim light.

"I can't believe he gave the Batmobile a parking ticket!" she fumed.

The End

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