DISCLAIMER: I do not seek profit from characters owned by Fox. I only seek another perspective.
Bille Explains it All
By Bo McGee
Lt. Billie Chambers had taken the phone call just five minutes earlier. She'd been very quiet and her responses short and terse. Deaq had tried to give her some privacy but the Candy Store wasn't exactly designed for that. So he'd listened discreetly and knew immediately that it wasn't good.
"Hello?" She held the cellphone to her ear as she shuffled paperwork and tapped at her keyboard. When she heard the voice on the other end, she paused and looked surprised. "Sara?" whispered Billie.
Deaq heard the name and knew of only one Sara in Billie's life. A cute little blonde bundle of trouble.
"How'd you-? Oh, of course. I gave you my card."
Billie looked at him nervously. She tried a smile to reassure him. It didn't work.
Deaq shook his head adamantly.
"I'm not so sure that's a good idea." She said it for his benefit.
"Yes." She turned her back on him and hoped he'd vanish. She listened to the familiar voice with it's sexy timbre.
"It'll have to be in an official capacity."
She swung her comfortable chair around and saw Deaq standing over her with a look of disbelief. She pointed her finger to the exit and gave him her best `get the hell out' look. He ignored her.
"Okay, but---" She paused. "I'll be there. Yes, alone! Okay."
She pushed the phone off and put it down on her desk. She tried to act normal but the feelings were a blur. The rush of fear and anxiety were apparent.
"Sara Matthews?" He already knew the answer.
"She wants to see me."
"Are you crazy?"
About her, yes, she thought.
"She could be an asset," Billie offered.
"No way!" Deaq knew better than to challenge Billie. But he didn't like the idea of her being vulnerable to that woman. She'd been different since the whole thing began. Meeting Sara Matthews had changed Billie at the core. There was more to it than Billie was willing to admit and that meant trouble. With a capital T.
"You and Van have your assignment, Deaq. Find the leak and report back. I'll be back soon. This won't take long."
"Are you sure about this, Billie?"
Deaq knew the answer by the determined set of her jaw but wanted to hear her say it anyway. He had tried to tell her what she already knew. It was against the rules. He also knew she didn't give a damn about the rules when it came to a judgement call. Sometimes in this job, the rules had to be broken. But Deaq couldn't help but feel it was a mistake. It had been from the start and Billie couldn't seem to resist it. Oh, Deaq could see that Sara had her good points. The girl had legs for days and attitude to match. But Billie? He'd never understand why this mattered to her now. The case was over. She'd kept her end of the deal and the adept thief was free to pursue a life without the threat of any further incarceration. At least from the old charges. What Sara opted to do with said freedom had yet to be seen. Until the phone call. She asked to see Billie. And Billie hadn't hesitated in agreeing.
"I mean, what if it's payback or something?" Deaq cocked his eyebrow at her and looked concerned.
"It's personal, Deaq. Things happened that have yet to be resolved. This is just unfinished business."
Billie didn't want to say too much. Deaq and Van were already curious enough without her having to spell it out. She didn't need them doubting her. And keeping her private life private was more important than ever. She was having enough trouble keeping her feelings in check.
"What things happened?" asked Deaq.
Billie grabbed some files from her desk and tucked them away in her desk. She avoided eye contact which spoke volumes to the young man.
"You and she didn't...?" Deaq paused for dramatic effect and watched her reaction. She was sixteen different kinds of cool.
"No." It was said calmly and with absolute conviction. "But I abused a wounded heart for my own ends and I owe her at least some sort of resolution. I don't want her to---" Billie paused to choose her words carefully. "It's hard to explain, Deaq. I just don't want her to go around mistrusting women and doubting her judgement. She's---"
"So, whatever happened- and I ain't asking- you don't want her to hate you?"
"No, I don't" Billie looked him directly in the eye. "I know you don't get it but I like her, Deaq. She's sweet and she was never truly a threat to me. She was just so hurt and confused---"
"And this is different than the fellas that you played?"
"Yes." Billie didn't understand it herself. She'd felt something strange and wonderful when Sara kissed her. It was new and frightening and so damn distracting.
"Because she's a chick?" Deaq could see the panic in Billie's eyes. She was trying to look strong but this whole thing had really affected her. "Or because she's a particular chick?"
"Because she made me forget, Deaq! Because when I was supposed to be playing, it got real. If even for a moment. I wanted her to be innocent."
Deaq smiled at her. He could see that she was really fighting to keep her cool. He stood up and walked around to offer her a hug. She melted into his embrace and sighed heavily.
"She was innocent of shooting Inez. But she's still a thief, Billie, so watch your wallet and your keys." he warned. And your heart, he thought.
Sara picked up the phone and dialed the number by heart. She waited and then she heard that voice. The voice she'd missed so much.
"Sara? How'd you-? Oh, of course. I gave you my card."
"I'm sitting here and thinking about how we left things."
"A three star hotel. I want to see you."
"I'm not so sure that's a good idea." But she didn't sound like it wasn't possible.
"But you'd like to see me anyway?" She knew Billie could hear her smile.
"Yes." Billie's voice softened.
"The Orange Jubilee on PCH. Room one seventy-three.
"It'll have to be in an official capacity." Billie's voice softened.
"Don't keep me waiting."
"I'll be there.
"Yes, alone! Okay."
Sara replaced the receiver to its cradle and smiled. She'd thought of this moment for so long, it seemed. Never this scenario. Never of Billie agreeing so quickly. She thought she'd get such resistance. But Billie had agreed to come. She hadn't been alone during the call. Sara guessed it was one of her undercover cops who'd been there. Probably with his ear to the phone.
Sara had been reclined on the bed as she smiled into the phone. She tried not to get ahead of herself but thoughts of being in this very bed with Billie were racing through her mind untethered. She wanted to try to calm her nerves before Billie's arrival. It wouldn't do to be reeking of unsatisfied desire when the cool lieutenant got there. A quick shower with a slow release may help but she doubted it. She didn't want to lose her edge. And she definitely wanted Billie to see the effect she still had on her. Even after the betrayal. Sara wanted her to know that whatever had gone down, it didn't have to ruin what could be.
Sara arose and set about changing into something less casual than the cutoff denim shorts and the torn tee-shirt. She didn't want to scare Billie after all. Subtle was more Billie's style. If she wanted to pretend it was an official visit, Sara could play her role convincingly. She wasn't completely convinced that Billie would allow herself to let go enough to see what the possibilities were. And she was wound tighter than anyone in Sara's whole life experience. The fact that Billie had even gotten undressed and climbed into the hot tub with Jill and Sara only proved just how committed to her job she really was. But she held a very tight rein on her personal feelings. Playing a role was one thing. Actually allowing herself to feel genuine emotions was quite another. Sara had seen that first hand. But she also felt incredibly honored to have seen and been responsible for a momentary vulnerability when they had almost- almost- passed the point of no return. It took every bit of self control Billie had to halt the passion they'd shared. Well, that and a well-timed phone call.
Sara wore a pair of faded blue jeans and her favorite black silk tee- shirt over her lacy underwear. She checked the tiny refrigerator to be certain there was bottled water and two bottles of white wine chilling. The plastic cups would do if she didn't want to come off as too calculating. She didn't really expect for things to go that far but things were never predictable where Billie Chambers was concerned. Sara fell into a fitful sleep as she waited. A light tap at her door rousted her.
"Yeah?" She was confused and still half asleep.
Billie shifted her weight and hoped for the best. She was so out of her element with this meeting. She heard the grumbling and thought perhaps she'd gotten the room number wrong.
The door clicked and clunked as it was being unlocked. The sleepy looking blonde opened it and smiled warmly.
"Come on in, Lieutenant," the smile belied the use of the official rank.
Billie hesitated and looked inside cautiously.
"Still don't trust me?" Sara didn't sound hurt.
Billie looked suitably embarrassed.
Sara, still smiling, waved her arm in a gesture of invitation. "Don't be. I haven't exactly earned your trust."
Who was this person, Sara wondered of herself? She'd never been so accomodating in her life. She was ballsy and take charge and no apologies. So damn much had changed for her since meeting this beautiful brunette. And she suspected it had changed both of them irrevicably.
"That works both ways, Sara." Billie smiled and they held the look for a second longer than either was comfortable with. The tension was palpable.
"I'm glad you made it." Sara was at a loss. She'd been so sure of herself just hours before.
"I almost didn't." Billie stood just inside the door and held her jacket with both hands. She looked anxious and completely different from the confident woman Sara had met.
"What changed your mind?" Sara kept her voice soft and seemed to ease some of Billie's stress.
"Yeah, let's try that." It wasn't meant as a dig and Billie didn't seem to take it as one.
She smiled and tossed her jacket onto the bed. She walked over to the big chair and perched nervously.
"You scare the hell out of me and I hate letting things that scare me get the better of me. There! It's out."
"But you're not?" asked Sara.
"I'm not what?" The confusion written all over her face.
"What do you mean? Oh! I, uh... I'm not. I mean, I'm not, you know, that way."
"That way? You mean gay?" Sara was amused.
"Yes. I'm not gay." Billie looked guilty.
And vulnerable. And so damn sexy.
"Okay. So, you're not gay. But you did enjoy kissing me."
Sara knew she was dancing into dangerous territory. But right now, she didn't care.
Billie was struggling. She didn't want to do this. Not now and certainly not here. Alone. In a hotel room. With this incredible amalgam of danger and innocence. With this woman who'd crept into her most intimate thoughts and desires.
"Yes," the admission was whispered.
Sara didn't want to add to Billie's feelings of vulnerability. She moved slowly and put her hand gently on Billies knee.
"It's okay, Billie. There's no one here but you and I. And I won't hurt you. I promise."
Billie lept up from the chair and darted toward the door. She looked near- panic. Her eyes darted around the room as though looking for something lost.
"I can't do this. I have to go."
The plea was quiet and sincere. Sara just stood where she was, in front of the chair. She held her hand out, asking Billie silently to take it.
Billie was torn. Her instincts shouted for her to get while the getting was good. But that part of her buried deep within. The part that she held in such restraint. It screamed like a spoiled child being denied for the last time.
"This isn't right. I can't do this." She put her hand on the doorknob and paused long enough for Sara to reach her.
"Please don't run?"
Billie dropped her head into her hands and rubbed her forehead vigorously. She sighed a deep resigned sigh and decided to face her inner demons.
"Sara, I've never felt this conflicted before. Ever. You make me feel things that I've never even considered before. I actually put my job, my career, on the line for a chance to---" She turned around and looked at Sara.
Sara was just standing there. Waiting. She'd give Billie whatever time and space she asked for and Billie knew it as sure as she knew what she was about to do was completely out of character.
Sara saw the inner mechanations of a whirling mind in total conflict. She saw the instant Billie made her decision and before she could react, Billie pushed her against the wall and kissed her with such unbridled passion that Sara was caught completely off guard.
She felt Billie's hands all over her and relaxed into the moment. Billie pushed her head back and nipped at her neck. She felt the strong tongue soften as it licked gently at her neck and chin. She felt her silk shirt being lifted and her breasts caressed. She moaned and ran her fingernails through Billie's dark hair. The dance didn't last longer than thirty seconds but when Billie stopped suddenly, they were both breathless and slightly shocked.
Sara leaned against the wall and watched for Billie to sprint. She didn't. She just backed away slightly and smiled.
"A chance to what, Billie?"
Billie took her hand and guided the aroused blonde to the bed. She sat down and pulled Sara into an embrace.
"To just let go and be." Billie kissed Sara's mouth and slowly felt herself release the fear.
She deepened the kiss until she could feel Sara's body react with equal fervor.
"I've never-" Billie stumbled over the words as she tore her own silk blouse off and unbuttoned her black jeans.
"I know." Sara took Billie's hands and kissed her knuckles. Billie wore a big grin.
"I don't think you do." She pushed Sara back and straddled her with a teasing look.
She used adept fingers to unsnap the bra clasp and sighed deeply at the exposed breasts. "You're so beautiful."
Billie unzipped the jeans and ran her hands down as she raised Sara up and exposed the rest of her form.
Sara wasn't about to stop her but she wasn't sure she liked the idea of Billie taking control of the situation. She was used to being the agressor in sexual situations. Billie was lost in the moment and looked so completely taken that Sara knew enough to just let this happen.
Billie may not have had the experience but her instincts were spot on. She kissed and licked and teased her way to Sara's center. And when she smiled up wickedly, Sara just prepared herself for whatever she was about to get. Of course, she certainly wasn't expecting the expertise with which Billie attacked. Or the absolute tenderness with which Billie applied herself. Sara writhed and moaned and lost herself completely to this miracle of timing. And when she could take no more pleasure, she felt Billie's wet kisses climb her body and nestle into her neck. Just as soon as she could focus, she wanted to thank this angel and praise her powers.
"Ask me for anything?"
Sara heard the words and was so deeply touched by the sentiment that she couldn't hold back the tears. She hugged Billie and kissed her neck slowly until it became a soft suckling. She rolled on top of Billie and held herself up with both hands.
"Please don't ever regret this?" And she returned the favor.
Billie was the most willing and giving lover she'd ever had. She was soft and gentle when it was called for, yet forceful and rough, too. She was insatiable. That was something Sara had never found in a lover before. Usually, they tired and wanted sleep. Billie seemed to be revived with each orgasm. She smiled and laughed and teased. She moaned and spoke words of promise and hope. She held Sara's eyes as she touched her in new places. She seemed to want Sara to know she knew exactly what she was doing.
And as the sun peeked into the windows, they kissed and held each other close.
"You're incredible. Better than any fantasies I've had," admitted Billie.
"That must be where you got the experience." Sara mumbled into Billie's neck.
"What experience?" Billie leaned back a bit and looked at Sara with a smirk.
"You were like some sort of goddess of Sapphic passion, Billie Chambers. You knew exactly what you were doing the whole time. Plead virginity if you will, but..." Sara laughed as Billie looked at her with mock horror.
"I just followed my heart. And I did try some of the things I fantasized about. That whole wishbone flutter move was right out of a delicious fantasy that you were featured in."
"Truth told, you were featured in all of my fantasies when it came to my making love to another woman."
"Do tell?" Sara ran her finger up and down Billie's arm and smiled seductively.
"I will admit that I've thought of little else since I met you."
"I've borrowed your image myself on occasion. But the real thing has been beyond even my wildest expectations."
Billie kissed her fully and tasted herself on the blonde's mouth. She smiled into the kiss and sighed. Reality had a way of making the fantasies seem mild by comparison. And this was just the beginning. She'd worry about how they'd manage to be together later. It wouldn't be easy with her job, either. Right now. she just wanted to enjoy this feeling.
"You're thinking about work, aren't you?" Sara sounded tired.
"You think you know me that well, already?" Billie sounded amused.
"I think I know the signs. Is this going to be a problem?"
"I'll figure it out."
"What if it comes down to me or the job?"
"It won't." Billie didn't want to imagine the possibility.
"So this could be our only chance?"
"So, I want to say some things before you leave."
"Sara, we don't have to do this now. I'll be back."
Sara sat up abruptly and with a determined look, she grasped Billie's hands.
"I love-" she paused meaningfully. Billie looked stricken. "-that you've allowed this to happen."
She smiled knowingly. Billie thought she was going to say I love you. And she had wanted to. She did love Billie. And with every moment she was falling deeper in love. But it wasn't the time.
"And I don't think it's something that you can casually dismiss."
"I won't," assured Billie.
"But I also know that you won't compromise your personal values for me. I get that. I really do."
"So I change my way of thinking. I can live with the knowlege that I'm a lesbian. It's not the 1950's."
"Billie, thank you for trying to spare my feelings but it's just a little late for that. If it comes down to your job ; your integrity; your moral compass, I know where I fit. I'm a thief. A felon. You're a cop and I'm a bad girl. We don't mesh."
"I could become an upstanding citizen overnight if it'd keep you in my bed, but you and I both know that your bosses have long memories and little forgiveness."
"Let me worry about them."
"And I'll bet you are such a thorn in their side that they'd love the chance to catch you in some compromising position that they could use against you."
The look on Billie's face spoke volumes. Sara knew she'd struck a nerve.
"I won't let this ruin what you've worked so hard to accomplish. You'd end up hating me and that would kill me."
Billie touched her cheek and kissed her softly. Sara closed her eyes and breathed deeply. She wanted to make this last but her body screamed out for rest.
The muffled chirp of a cell phone broke the spell and Billie jumped up to grab it from her jacket pocket.
"Where you at, man? Today's the day." Deaq sounded like a man who already knew the answer to his own question.
"What day?" Billie knew that he hadn't called about the progress of their latest case so it wasn't the day for that.
"She forgot, huh?" Van asked in the background.
Deaq grinned at his partner and tsk tsk'ed into the phone.
"You musta had some night if you can't even remember that we had plans to spend the afternoon up at Freak Beach looking for that scrawny little hype that broke into your precious Steve McQueen and threw up in the back seat."
Sara walked up behind Billie and hugged her tightly. She ran her hands slowly up and caressed each breast with the opposite hand. Billie leaned back into the caress and sighed audibly.
"That's it? That's all you gotta say? Oh?"
"I'm running kind of short on sleep and not thinking clearly. Can you guys do it without me?"
"Hey, Van, she wants us to go without her."
"She does understand that it was her car? Her one of a kind Steve McQueen Bullit Mustang?" Van sounded shocked.
"Deaq?" Billie pleaded.
"Hey, Van, man, go grab our gear and I'll meet you at the... the Ferrari?"
"Fine," Billie agreed. "But any scratches and I'll wipe those stupid grins off of both of your juvenile faces."
"It's a go, partner. She says she'll see us later."
"I'm driving!" And she heard his voice disappear.
"You still with Sara?"
"So when's the coming out party?" He smirked into the phone.
"Between you and I, now. Everyone else, later. As later as possible." Billie knew she shouldn't have been so indiscreet but she'd may as well get used to the idea that people would eventually figure out her new sexual identity. Her old one seemed to hold such fascination for them anyway.
"Put her on the phone."
"What?" Billie was in no mood for his shenanigans.
"Billie, put Sara on the phone, man, trust me."
Billie reached back and caressed Sara's fanny as she handed her the phone.
"He wants to talk to you."
"His name is Deaq. He's one of my operatives."
Sara took the phone and held it cautiously to her ear.
"You take good care of my girl or you'll answer to me." He hoped she heard the serious tone.
"You better not be playing with her, either. She doesn't fall often and never this hard, you hear me?"
Sara smiled at the revelation.
"Yes, I do, Deaq. And thank you for having her back. She needs a friend like you right now."
"Okay, girl, you put her back on?"
Sara held out the phone and smiled warmly. Billie kissed her briefly before taking the phone.
"Are you done?" Billie tried to sound annoyed but failed miserably.
"You be careful, Billie. And stay in touch. Don't make me have to put a APB out on your cute little behind."
"I promise. Bye, Deaq."
She pushed the button and tossed the phone onto the chair. She turned around and melted into the warmth of her lover's arms.
"He's worried about you."
"I can take care of myself."
Billie walked backwards until the back of her knees felt the mattress. She dropped back, taking a giggling Sara with her.
"We should try sleep. I'm afraid if we try anything else, our snores will only keep us from finishing."
"How do you feel?"
Sara could have meant how did she feel, exhausted? How did she feel, utterly satisfied? Or how did she feel' was this love or lust? Billie was too tired to consider any of them for more than an instant.
"I feel like a wet noodle."
Sara nibble and kissed her arm as she reclined into a comfortable position.
"You taste like heaven."
Billie nuzzled into Sara's arms and kissed a perky nipple. "You taste like my future." She wanted to continue where they'd left off but the urge to sleep was winning the battle.
She was just crossing over into REM when she heard Sara mutter softly, "I love you, Billie Chambers."
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