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Boundaries of Guilt and Fear
By Rany
How? Lord help me. How can I? How can I hurt this sweet gentle soul that has done nothing but love me? When I look, I see a future reflected in those eyes, but that future holds nothing for me. I have seen love. I have heard the song that sings within my soul and I must find it. I must find that song and sing it. I must dance the joy that could be within me, but yet I stop and wonder how can I hurt this one, this one who has done nothing but love me?
The love I was given, the love I am given, by the one before me, knows no bounds. It is unconditional, it is unselfish, it is perfect, it is pure, and yet it is not enough. How I wish it were so. How I wish I could take that love and return it as unselfishly as it is given to me. Can I live like this; can I spare pain by quietly bearing my own? Can I live without love and be loved; can I take love and never give?
I live knowing there is one with whom I can share my love. One who is more like me than myself. Whatever stuff souls are made of, ours are wrought of the same. I am in torment. I am tortured. The unshared love within me rises like bile to my lips. I bite back the scream. God help me! To love and be loved, or to hurt another that loves. What do I do? What do I do?
"There are those who live in the boundaries of guilt and fear,
the limits of imagination. They believe limitation is the world.
You cannot change them. There is work of your own to do. You will
never reach the end of your own becoming, the madness of creation, the joy
of existence.
Dance in the moment. Reach down and pull up song. Sping and chant
and forget the sorrow that we are flesh on bone. I return to the rhythm
of water, to the dark song I was in my mother's belly. We were gods then
and we knew it. We are gods now, dancing in the whirling darkness,
spitting flame like stars in the night...
A creature of light, am I..."
The End