Why did she do it? Why?
I'm not a stupid woman, I know this is partly my fault, but why!
She knew how I felt, how I feel. It was just a matter of time and we could have been together, without pain or recriminations. But that wasn't enough for her. She needed more. She needed a second-rate substitute to fulfil her needs. Not that he ever could; Chakotay is as likely to fulfil her dreams, as he to win an acting competition. So, why?
I know that once Miral is born I'll be able to leave Tom. I would have done so before, when I realised where my true affections lay, but I needed him too much. His optimism and joy at the thought of our child, is not only contagious, but it saves me from the malaise of my own doubts. But that never meant I didn't love her or want to be with her. I just needed time.
So, why couldn't she wait?
Four years of fighting, four years of misunderstandings and then a moment of absolute clarity that made all of that meaningless. One moment to see into her soul and know it yearns for the same things as mine; and that we fulfil those needs so perfectly in one another.
We didn't talk. We didn't kiss. We certainly never made love. Not that I didn't think about those things, dream about them constantly. But it was impossible. I was happily married and she was my supposed nemesis. How were we meant to move forward?
Time, that was what we needed. Time would wash away all the obstacles and let us finally move forward. Move towards each other and what we both wanted. But she couldn't wait. Wouldn't wait.
Someone, please explain to me, why?
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