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ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
I like to watch her sleep. It's when she's finally at peace, childlike in her innocent repose. Her soft blonde hair tousled in all directions, long dark lashes fanned across her pale cheeks. I long to run a finger along her straight nose and trace over the full lips, parted slightly in her slumber, but I loathe to wake her.
I can't believe the events that have brought me here, to this point. It's been quite the year of change in my life, and certainly not the future I envisioned. I thought I would be the wife of a loving but stuffy college professor and a new mom, with the most excitement I would have being a 3 o'clock feeding. Instead here I am, a technological marvel working for a top-secret spy organization, with my sexy lesbian lover lying by my side.
I can't help my snort of amusement and watch guiltily as Ruth inhales sharply, slowly waking. The dark lashes flutter, blinking open for a moment, and I get a glimpse of sleepy hazel eyes before they slide closed again.
" James, you 'kay?" Her low gravely murmur of concern is touching. Even half-asleep she's worried about me. God what her voice does to me, deep and so intimate, rolling through me and stirring me to want more. I want to touch and taste her, to hear her moan my name. Instead I tug the blanket up a little higher to keep her warm.
"Yeah baby, I'm fine. Go back to sleep now." I run my fingers through her short hair to soothe her and it works like a charm as she sighs and snuggles deeper into her pillow, content. It usually does the trick after she's had a particularly nasty nightmare. That or slow circles on her back as I hold her in my arms, safe. I wonder sometimes about the horrors she's seen and try not to think about what I'll be like at her age. I've got to get there first mind you...
"What are you doing?"
"Well, stop it. I can hear you blinking all the way over here."
I smile softly at her. I can't get anything past this one.
"Can't sleep hmm?" Ruth cracks an eye open and I shake my head no. The fears overwhelm me sometimes and she knows it. "Roll over and scoot closer to me."
She's warm and solid against my back, holding me close. Her nose tucks up by my bionic ear and she knows I can hear everything she says no matter how low. And then she starts humming what I've come to think of as our song, My Girl. Soft and low, it's a song she likes to sing to me when we slow dance in the living room. Gradually her voice fades to silence and I sigh content.
The steady rhythm of her breathing starts to lull me to sleep, the gentle puffs of air on my neck comforting and safe. In her arms I've found peace and a home. I feel my eyes blink and grow heavy and the last thing I hear is her voice murmuring against my skin.
"I love you."
Yes, change can be good.
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