DISCLAIMER: You know the drill: Xena, Gabrielle, Hercules, Ephiny, and all the others appearing in the show don't belong to me but to TPTB at Renaissance Pictures and Universal. This is a work of fan fiction. No copyright infringement is intended. No profit will be made. However, the story itself still is mine and may not be reposted or reproduced without my written consent for official use. Any copies for private uses must include all disclaimers.
VIOLENCE: There's a lot of violence--implied or graphically described. Some scenes may offend the tender-stomached reader.
TIMELINE: The timeline follows the show up to season three's all time classics 'Bitter Suite' and 'One Against an Army' (still one of my favourites). So, adding to D 3, there also will be some hurt/angst elements. There are also some allusions to events revealed in season 4 to 6 (i.e. spoiler alert).
BIG THANKS go to my beta readers Wendy, and Nancy. I'll never be able to thank them enough for all the effort they put into my story. Believe me, they really made all the difference. I'm proud working with them. So should there still be some mistakes left, please, blame them on me, and me only!
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
The Chosen's Prerogative
1. Endings and Beginnings
A young warrior burst into the council hall. "My Queen, the perimeter watch intercepted a wagon with two men attempting to enter our territory. One of the drivers insists that he is a friend and has important news for you. Says his name is Iolaus."
The Queen's annoyance at being interrupted in mid-sentence changed to curiosity when she heard the man's name. "Where are they now?"
"Waiting for your orders, just outside of our borders."
"The other man, what does he look like?"
"He's very tall, broad shoulders, leather pants, strong chin, high cheek bones, shoulder length hair. Handsome. He didn't tell his name, didn't even look at us."
The expression in Gabrielle's eyes changed from surprise to something akin to shock when she recognized the description, and she forcibly had to shake herself out of it.
"Go back to your colleagues and tell them to let the men pass. I want you personally to escort them to the village. They are to be treated as honoured guests. Solari, have a guest hut prepared, and notify me as soon as they've arrived."
Rarely used, the air of command Gabrielle now exuded forbade every question the other council members may have had about those men. The Queen turned around and left for her quarters, leaving Ephiny the task to adjourn the meeting and deal with the curious elders.
Gabrielle closed the door to her simple hut and leant heavily against it. Her mind was running rampant. Hercules and Iolaus on their way to enter her village, and where by Tartarus' fires was . She still couldn't bring herself to even think the name of her former lover, who despite her best efforts, never was far from her mind. And once again she couldn't help remembering the last time she had seen her about one and a half season cycles ago. No, Gabrielle thought with a rueful smile, she wouldn't lie to herself. Exactly one cycle, seven moons and nine days ago and it still hurt.
In Illusia, they had been able to mend their friendship and regain each other's trust. Except for their short, childish tryst at the beach and the loving embraces after Tripolis, however, they had never even tried to salvage their physical relationship. While saving a village about two moons later, they ran into Hercules and Iolaus and began to travel together. The sensitive demi-god seemed to touch a chord in Xena's heart that no longer resonated for her long-time companion and another two moons later Gabrielle found herself standing at the village temple in Amphipolis witnessing her lover marrying the son of Zeus.
The blonde Amazon once again couldn't help but re-visualise their parting in her mind's eye. She still could hear the tall warrior's emotionless voice. 'Herc and I will settle down. Mother gave us Grandmother's farm as a wedding present. Life will be peaceful for a change. What are you going to do?'
She also remembered her answer, and how she had to fight down the urge to burst into tears. 'Don't worry about me. I'll go to Athens. I always wanted to go back to the Academy. I was offered a position as a teacher sometime ago; now, I'll take them up on it. At least I can't get into trouble there.'
There was a hint of sadness in the background of Xena's blue eyes but her voice betrayed no hint of emotion. 'Take an Amazon escort to Athens, the roads are dangerous.'
'I can take care of myself, thank you. I'll have to, from now on,' she angrily replied as the sadness in Xena's eyes grew. 'Live well, Xena.' Gabrielle turned around, but it took all her willpower not to look back.
Gabrielle didn't go to Athens; she returned with Ephiny to the Amazon village and fulfilled her duty as their Queen. Her talents as a negotiator brought peace and prosperity to the Amazon nation. She was well loved by her subjects, and her rule was unchallenged. She was good at what she was doing, but her heart wasn't in it.
In the beginning, Ephiny and some other friends had tried to coax her out of her shell by prodding her into telling stories, but she adamantly refused. She even put her scrolls away and had never touched them since.
A knock on the door snapped her out of her musings. She turned around, opened the door, and was engulfed in a fierce bear hug. The blonde man was only a couple of inches taller than Gabrielle herself, and when he finally released her, his face signalled relief and a bone-deep weariness.
Glancing over his shoulders towards the wagon, the young Queen made a step towards where Hercules still sat motionlessly, but Iolaus stopped her. "He doesn't hear or see you, Gabrielle. That's only a body without a soul."
"Come in and tell me what happened. You both look as if you've had a hard time."
"I don't know where to begin. It's difficu " A low growl, resembling a hurt and angry animal came from the vehicle, and some of the guards approached it with their swords drawn and ready. "Please, tell your warriors to stand back. It's nothing to worry about. I'll be back in an instant."
Gabrielle distractedly signalled the women to stop. She would have recognized the voice uttering the growl even if it came from the deepest levels of Tartarus.
The growling quickly quietened down, and Iolaus returned. Before the door behind them was even halfway closed, she asked, her voice quivering with barely concealed anger, "What happened to Xena? What did he do to her?"
"Please calm down, Gabrielle. It wasn't Herc's fault, though he certainly holds himself responsible. Don't jump to conclusions. I don't know if you're aware of this, but just a season cycle ago Xena gave birth to two daughters. She named "
"I know. The Academy forwarded her letter. Continue with your story." Gabrielle's voice was harsh. She knew Xena had been pregnant when she married Hercules but reading of his daughters Gabrielle and Ephiny, as if there were not other female names available in the world reading about them had made it all the more real, and she finally knew that she never would get her lover back. She cast an apologetic smile towards the small man. "I'm sorry, Io. Please continue."
His left hand gently patted her right. "I know how you feel, Gab. I can understand Xena's need to have another child after losing Solan, but I still don't understand why they married. She didn't love Herc the way she loved you. Sometimes I think there were only two things they had in common, their love for the girls and their dedication to fight for those unable to do so themselves."
Iolaus noticed the sudden pallor of the young women facing him. "I'm sorry, I'm rambling. I better get on with my report. As soon as the girls were weaned off, Xena and Herc took turns answering the calls for help that kept intruding into their rather secluded life. Half a moon ago, Herc was on his way to fight a giant up north. The next day, a messenger told Xena that Amphipolis was under siege from a warlord. She saddled up and left me with the babies.
"Two days later, all Tartarus broke loose. Soldiers surrounded the farm; they engaged me in a fight. I killed some, but there were simply too many of them. I soon was overpowered. They didn't even hurt me; just left me bound at the doorstep. They said they needed a witness. Two of them entered the house; they came back with the girls in their arms. They were put on the ground, a mere eight feet in front of me. I tried to reach them but I couldn't move. The sky darkened and a black cloud descended upon the girls, engulfing them. I heard their cries and a woman's voice laughing, Hera's voice. She she tore the babies apart. She said that perhaps this time, Hercules would learn. She said that Xena had her husband to blame for the deaths of her daughters, her husband and no one else."
Tears were running down the man's cheeks, and he almost choked at the last words. Gabrielle was immediately on her feet and enfolded him in a compassionate hug. They sat in silence, and though all inside of her was screaming bloody murder, the Queen also knew that she had to give Iolaus a chance to finish his hurtful tale. So she waited for the tension in his body to lessen, and at the same time tried to reign in her boiling anger.
"At dusk, Xena arrived. She had some scrapes and bruises from fighting the marauders that had been bothering her hometown. She saw the bodies of her girls. She knelt next to them, and her face changed into a mask. Her jaw line looked as if she were desperately trying to keep herself from screaming, and her eyes were icy flames of anger and hatred. She freed me from my bonds, but she didn't talk to me, didn't ask any questions. Only after the funeral pyre had burned down, early the next morning, she asked. 'Hera?' I nodded. She said, 'Wait for Hercules, tell him what happened.' She was so calm, so deadly calm.
"After three days of waiting, I went in search of Herc. Four days ago, I finally found him, sitting on this wagon with Xena in heavy shackles in the back. I didn't know what happened, and I didn't know what to do. So, I decided to ask Alkmene for advice. A half day's journey brought me to a dark forest. I camped for the night in a small clearing. Before I could even think of collecting firewood, Artemis and Aphrodite appeared. They told me to get Herc to Delphi and bring Xena here. They also told me what happened."
The blonde man took a heavy breath and looked Gabrielle deep in the eyes. The young Queen whispered. "Xena snapped."
"To put it mildly. I better repeat what the Goddesses told me. Xena made the three-day journey to mount Olympus in barely two. Argo broke her front legs in the rush to get there and Xena had to put her down. At the foot of the mountain, she called for the God of War. At first, he didn't know what Hera had done, but he could easily feel that her darkness had returned. Ares was so eager to get her back that he didn't bother to read her mind. She " The curly haired man was hard driven to keep his voice calm.
"She got him to take her to his chambers at Olympus. To become once again his best warlord, she argued, she needed practice and the best sparring partner there is. He really was convinced that this time she would be his. They engaged in a fight, but the God of War soon found that he was no match for this Xena. She was more calculating, more powerful, and more ruthless than ever. She somehow got hold of his sword and knocked him unconscious.
"Xena went in search of Hera. She soon found her. Aphrodite said that Hera wanted Xena to collapse from grief, she wanted her reduced to a babbling idiot but her fire bolts only managed to increase her anger to raving madness."
"Xena killed her? But how, the gods are immortal?"
"Xena didn't just kill her. She cut her to pieces. She kept slicing at her body 'til there was nothing recognisable left. Then she shattered the sword against one of the marble columns. Aphrodite said that there are some things that can kill a god. One of these things is Ares' sword wielded by a mortal. Like most of the other gods' weapons it was crafted by Hephaestus and endowed with special powers by the father of the gods himself. While making sure that none of his siblings and children could kill one of their own, he at the time didn't count on these weapons falling in the hands of mortals. That's one of the reasons why Ares lost his godhoodby losing his sword to Sisyphus."
"What happened next?"
"Xena sat down next to the pile of flesh and bones that once had been the Queen of the Gods. She didn't even try to get away. She waited for Zeus to come and send her to Tartarus. Zeus' lightning never found its intended target but struck Hercules who had been alerted by Athena. Before Zeus was able to throw another bolt, Ares and Athena rushed in and stilled his hand from killing them both. They somehow managed to talk him out of it. He didn't know that Hera had killed his grandchildren, again, against his orders and despite the protection spell he had put around the house. With the help of Apollo's healer's, Hercules will regain his senses with time."
"What about Xena?" Gabrielle impatiently interrupted.
"That's where Artemis comes in. Zeus insisted that both Xena and Hercules have to be punished. Herc's soul now is in Tartarus for opposing his father. As soon as we are in Delphi, his soul slowly will come back to him. But I was warned that it would take at least a full moon. With Xena, it's more difficult. She also has to be punished, but to do this she first has to be back to her old self. At the moment, she is back to the time when she was the Destroyer of Nations. She's a ruthless killer: unable to control her emotions, and the only emotions she can feel right now are anger, hatred and blood lust. She sort of lost her memory and has to relearn her past. Artemis gave me a scroll with instructions, stating what to do to get her back, and also about the details of her punishment. I don't know any specifics myself." Iolaus took a rather thick scroll out of his backpack and handed it to her. It was sealed with Artemis' moon.
The blonde woman contemplated reading it on the spot, but then her eyes fell on the weary features of her male companion. "A guest hut has been prepared for you and Herc. Tomorrow morning you'll get a horse and an escort to Delphi. It will speed up your journey a few days at least." Iolaus nodded gratefully. "I'll call another council meeting for after dinner. Meanwhile we can think about where to put Xena as long as she is as dangerous as you say."
"Artemis has a solution for this. There's an old sweating hut outside the village," he said. "It's in a clearing and can easily be guarded. Xena is held in a cage. She's wearing cuffs at her wrists and ankles; they are bolted to the floor and the ceiling of the cage. She's also wearing a metal band around her waist, a short chain fastening it to the back of the cage. Here's the key to the cage door. The keys to the restraints will be given to you when the time is right."
"I know, Xena can be dangerous, but this sounds like overkill to me."
"It isn't. If these weren't steel bars and chains made by Hephaestus himself, she would have escaped more than once. Artemis said that using Ares' sword as a shield transformed the energy of Hera's lightning bolts and that now Xena is stronger than ever before, stronger than any other mortal. It will wear off, but it will take time, about a fortnight."
"I trust your judgement, my friend. Now, let me get you settled. Then, I'll take a look at this scroll."
A mere ten candledrops later, Gabrielle was back in her hut. She sat down at her desk and broke the scroll's seal. There was another scroll sealed with Athena's owl and Justice's balance wrapped in a big piece of parchment covered with neatly written lines. Her eyes scanned the bottom of the page where the simple initial 'A' next to another seal spoke clearly of the author. She took a deep breath and began reading.
I know your heart, how much it hurt after this unfortunate marriage, but I also know that Xena still is at the centre of your thoughts, your memories, and your feelings. I know you would do anything to save her; you would risk your life and your very soul to do so. It can be done, but the task will be very hard.
Grief and anger made Xena's true soul retreat deep inside of her. At the moment, she doesn't know who she is or was. Tell her about all the things you know from her past, all the things you did together. This will bring back her memories, and it also slowly and painfully will coax her soul out of hiding.
For now, you have to be her voice of reason and compassion and love. But at the same time, you'll have to be hard and distant. I'll be there for you if it gets too hard to bear.
Bringing her back to herself, however, only is the first part. I doubt that she ever will regret killing Hera, but for every crime in the grand scheme of life there has to be some sort of retaliation.
In this case, Xena will be given the chance to choose. She either can submit to the punishment Athena and Justice prepared for her, or she will die a painless death. If she chooses death, her soul will neither rest in the Elysian Fields nor will it suffer in Tartarus. Her soul's energy simply will disappear from the tapestry of life, never to be reborn again. I really would regret doing this to her, but by begging Father for a new chance for Xena, I also became the executor of her punishment. It wasn't negotiable.
There also is a third choice I had to accept. It was Ares' condition. Xena can decide to go back to her warlord ways once again and irrevocably to become Ares' Chosen, but she always will painfully remember the time of happiness she spent with a certain bard from Potedeia.
I'm sure in the end Xena will take responsibility for what she did and submit to the punishment, but you have to make sure that she has at least an idea of what she is in for. Regaining her sanity and her old self will cause untold emotional pain; that's why the second part will focus on physical pain. She will have to live through more pain than ever before in her life. That's all she is allowed to know. You, however, are free to read the second scroll before she agrees to follow its regulations, just don't let her know any details.
Some of the council members certainly won't be happy about what you're trying to do. They still want her punished for the abduction of the Queen and the injuries Ephiny and the other warriors sustained. You are allowed to claim the 'Chosen's Prerogative' whenever you deem it necessary. My thoughts will be with you.
Physical pain beyond everything Xena ever experienced beforewas it worth it to pay such a price for the forgiveness of Zeus or the other gods? Was it worth such a price for the chance to be reborn into another life of suffering? Gabrielle tried to focus her mind on more immediate matters. The Chosen's Prerogative; if her recollection was correct, it enabled the Queen of the Amazons to rule, unquestioned and unchallenged, for a whole cycle of seasons. Afterwards, a trial by ordeal decided if the Chosen's rule really had been in accord with the will of the goddess. So, it was some kind of double-edged sword and hadn't been used for some generations now. Queens relying on it either became famous for their wisdom, or were only remembered as traitors to the Amazon nation.
Gabrielle tried not to dwell on the later possibility but couldn't help that it triggered her insecurities. Once, her stories had been able to coax a smile out of the proud warrior even when she was in one of her most sullen moods. Was she still able to move her this way? Was she able to move anyone this way?
A knock on the door propelled her back to reality. The door opened, and Ephiny came in. "How are you doing my friend?" Gabrielle gave her a small smile but didn't answer. "I know who's in the cage, Gab, and it was really hard to not rush in and break her out."
"Good thing you didn't, Eph," Gabrielle answered and gave her friend a short recap of what had happened. "You all will have to cut me some slack for the next quarter moons to come. For now, select a mounted escort of at least six trusted warriors to see that Hercules and Iolaus arrive safely at Delphi, tomorrow at first light. And send a maintenance crew to the old sweating hut. Xena will stay there until she is better."
Though the Amazon Regent still had a wagonload of questions, Gabrielle's strained voice told her that her long time friend, at the moment, needed her support and not her questions. "It will be done, my Queen."
2. Reflections of the Past
Thanks to Ephiny's well thought out and well-timed interventions, Gabrielle hadn't been forced to rely on the Chosen's Prerogative, but there were times when she dearly wished she had. She felt on display like never before. During her first visits, when Queen Melosa still was alive, the whole village had been secretly scrutinizing the strange new princess, kept at bay by the looming presence of her tall, dark shadow. Her recent stay with her people had gotten her accustomed to being the centre of attention but this was completely different. It was as if they all were waiting for something strange to happen and in her heart, she couldn't blame them.
Yes, the Amazons were her responsibility, but her commitment to Xena was older and more deeply ingrained in her. Perhaps that's why she relished the sometimes difficult candlemarks spent in the sweating hut turned prison, sharing her memories with the tall warrior, even though for the past moon she seldom got more than a sneer as response.
Every day, she was tempted to keep to the good memories only, the water fights in a pool or slow moving river, their love making, the fun adventures with Joxer and Autolycos, rescuing a child here and saving a village there. But she also knew that this had only been one part of their life, only one part of her complex partner.
Xena also had to know about the darkness she had lived in for so long. She had to know about Cortese and Caesar. She had to know about her fight to regain her humanity and to atone for her past. She had to know about Britannia and Chin. She had to know about Hope and Solan and Illusia. She had to know about Hercules and her daughters, and the revenge she had exacted for their deaths.
Today's meeting had completed the overall picture, and once more Gabrielle didn't get the response she had hoped for. Her tale brought a brilliant smile to her captive's face. Blue eyes found green and Xena said, "It was a rare piece of weaponry. I was a fool to destroy the sword." Gabrielle left, wondering if she ever would be able to reach Xena's hidden soul.
To cope with all her warring emotions, she went to the practice field. That was one part of her daily routine not compromised by the warrior's presence. She easily defeated Eponin and Solari, but this time it didn't diminish her inner restlessness. She still didn't know what to do next, so she chose the only possibility left.
Gabrielle took a short bath, put on a fresh tunic, and went to Artemis' temple at the other side of the village. She knelt in front of the small wooden statue and waited.
"I'm very proud of you, my Chosen, you're doing fine."
"I don't know what to do next, my Goddess. I told her everything I know about her life but Xena still isn't back. She isn't reacting at all."
"Patience, Gabrielle, you have to be more patient. Knowing is not enough. She must now face the next hurdle. She has to understand and to feel, and it already has begun. She no longer fights her restraints. She has stopped making snide remarks to the warriors assigned to her feeding and hygiene. She no longer interrupts your tales, and though she knows what you're feeling, for the last three days she didn't try to seduce you. No, your message is taking root. I know how difficult it was for you, but it has been too easy for her. It's time for a reversal of roles. Get her to talk to you about the things you don't know about her past, about her perspective of your recent past together, about her love for her daughters. It won't be easy, but I'm sure you'll find a way." The disembodied voice coming from the statue faded away.
Having spent the better part of the night trying to devise a strategy to get Xena to talk, Gabrielle was about half a candlemark later than usual. When she entered the hut, her eyes met Xena's. For a fraction of a heartbeat, she was sure she saw something akin to relief in their depths.
"You're the storyteller, Amazon Queen," was all the raven-haired warrior said when she talked about the changing of roles the goddess had proposed.
"It is not negotiable, Xena. Let the guards know when you change your mind."
Gabrielle turned around and left her prisoner to herself and a whole day of uninterrupted thinking. This wasn't the only change in Xena's routine. In the evening when the two women assigned to see to her bodily needs entered, they didn't speak to her, they didn't even say hello, and they also didn't chat amongst themselves. She was bathed and fed in an eerie silence that began to get on her nerves.
Images and emotions that she was in no way prepared to face, rose to her conscious mind. Without the comfortable barrier of Gabrielle's voice, all she had been told about her past somehow took on a totally different meaning. She didn't want to think, too much thought was a weakness, and only the strong survived. But she couldn't help it. She desperately sought to summon up enough anger to fight the confusing, unwanted feelings. She failed, miserably.
It all had been so easy, in the beginning, when she first came to her senses in this hut. She knew that she had to get out of her bonds and this cage, and that she would kill with relish everything and everyone in her path. Her fury multiplied when she found that she was unable even to loosen the cuffs fastened around her ankles and wrists; the waist restraint making it impossible to get enough leverage to wrench them out of their sockets. She remembered her boiling rage when she found herself not only without a stitch of clothing but also dependent on others for even the most simple of bodily functions. It bothered her though she instinctively knew that she wasn't a particularly modest person, and now the blonde woman's stories reminded her that she never had any qualms using her body and beauty as a weapon.
There was another part where she had to admit defeat during the last days. She was offered steamy details of whole nights of passionate love making with the Amazon Queen, but when she tried to turn the tables, it didn't work. She could practically feel the other woman's desire for her when the blonde's eyes were openly appraising her naked body. But the young woman just didn't rise to the bait despite her best efforts. Batting her eyes and wriggling her hips seductively didn't work. Somehow, somewhere it stopped being a power game, and she had to cope with her own feelings. At night, she dreamt about Gabrielle's body in her arms, gazing at the stars, and holding each other tenderly.
This night, however, she found herself confronted with scenes Gabrielle hadn't told her about. She tried to shut them out, tried to concentrate on her breathing, tried to think of some of the funnier episodes her jailer had mentioned. It didn't help. The whole night through she saw herself bent over the inert body of the storyteller, her hands bloodied up over her elbows, trying frantically to save the young woman's life. She could feel her desperation, could feel Gabrielle's life running through her fingers and her immeasurable joy when she came back to her.
These images told her all she needed to know, to understand, and honour the Queen's request, yet her mind still refused to acknowledge the truths of her heart and soul.
In the morning, she once again endured the silent treatment from her guards. They left the cage door open when they were finished. Shortly after, the curly haired Amazon she knew to be Ephiny (and according to Gabrielle she once had called her friend), entered. Dangling from her right hand was a long, thick, black scarf.
"Hello, Xena. The Queen decided it would be easier for you to come to terms with what to tell her when at least a part of your senses were directed inwards. You will be blindfolded."
The dark haired woman nodded. "Ephiny, tell me about Tessaly. I know you were there."
"What do you want to know?"
"Tell me about Gabrielle."
"She was injured, she died, and she came back for you." The Amazon's matter-of-fact voice didn't leave much room for interpretation.
The padlock at the door closed, and Ephiny's footsteps retreated. The blindfold stayed on during the day and all through the night, but Xena wasn't surrounded by darkness. In her mind's eye, a multitude of images were chasing each other, all of them showing the danger their life on the road had put Gabrielle in, time and again. Her memory was back, but there still was a part of her that didn't understand and revelled in the scenes of bloodshed replaying themselves in her head.
Being fed and bathed with a blindfold on was a strange feeling, she decided, and she wasn't surprised when her caretakers didn't touch it the next morning and Ephiny came back.
"Hello Xena, it's time to cut off your hearing. The bees' wax won't harm you in any way, but it will block out most of the noises coming from the outside. Tell the guards when you change your mind about talking to the Queen."
The earplugs were quickly put in place, and they were very effective. Now, Xena only could rely on her nose and the feeling of the air on her bare skin.
This day, her mind wandered back to her warlord days. To the time before Hercules had changed her way of thinking, when she had betrayed Cyane's trust and subsequently killed the proud leader of the Northern Amazons. She saw Solan's birth and the day she entrusted him in Kaleipus' care, the day Cirra burned, the incident with Ares and the Furies, and all the other things she now had no difficulty calling evil and dark and ruthless.
Every time the darkness of the past threatened to overwhelm her, a glimpse of her life with Gabrielle held her back.
Her caretakers' ministrations were as gentle and as efficient as ever, but on this day, she didn't care; her mind still was leagues away. She obediently opened her mouth when something touched her lips, chewed and swallowed it down, but for the life of her she wouldn't have been able to tell what it was.
The images were still coming steadily, and by the end of the next day she finally knew what the gods intended her to do. They had given her the rare opportunity once again to choose her path in life. She could let the darkness swallow her whole, start again where she stopped three summers ago and finally become what she set out to be: Xena, Destroyer of Nations, Empress of the Known World. On the other hand, she could go back to the time of her travels with the fair-haired bard, she could continue to try to atone for her past on the off-chance she wouldn't end up in Tartarus. She could go back to her life with Herc No, she didn't want to think about this, right now.
All in all, it took four days and four nights, but in the end, it was relatively easy to make the decision between darkness and light, selfishness and responsibility. And when, in the morning, her guards once again came to see to her needs she said, "Tell Queen Gabrielle that I'll do everything she wants me to do."
About a candlemark later, she heard someone coming. It was neither Gabrielle nor Ephiny nor one of her guards.
"Do you know who I am, warrior?"
"Yes, the leader of the council of elders. What do you want?"
"The Queen and her Regent are on their way to the Centaurs, a minor problem with a couple of children. The Queen didn't think that you would come to a decision this fast, else she wouldn't have left the village. As it is, the council agreed that now probably is our only chance to see that Amazon justice is satisfied. Xena of Amphipolis you are accused of the abduction of our Queen, attempted murder, and multiple cases of bodily injury. What do you plead?"
The raven-haired woman didn't need to reflect on her answer; too vividly, the images--breaking Ephiny's arm and sending numerous other Amazons flying, dragging Gabrielle behind a horse and trying to throw her over the edge of a cliffreminded her of her guilt. "I plead guilty to all charges, venerable elder."
"Do you of your own free will accept the sentence the council decided upon and submit to your punishment?"
"I'm hardly in a situation where I would be able to stop anything you want to do to me, am I? But for what it's worth, yes, I will accept the punishment the council sees fit to administer. Just get it going before the Queen is back. It probably would be better if she didn't know about this whole thing."
"You're right. When the Queen came back to live with us, she made it abundantly clear that you were not to be prosecuted for your crimes. She told us why you acted this way, that you were mad with grief and anger, and not responsible for your actions. Your answer today, nevertheless, shows that you feel responsible, which is why we can't and won't do anything without your consent."
"It's true that my actions were fuelled by anger and grief, but both were ill-directed. After Hope's death, I should have spent them on Callisto. Entombing her in the mountain simply wasn't enough. I shouldn't have listened to Ares. Gabrielle never was the one to blame, she just wanted to protect her child like I wanted to protect mine. But we both failed. Were it not for my hate for Caesar, my need for avenge, I never would have put her in a situation where she had to kill her own flesh and blood." Xena fell silent while her mind's eye produced the torn and bloodied bodies of her baby girls. "You have my permission to do whatever you decided upon, venerable elder."
"So be it."
At the same time, a few candlemarks' ride away, just at the entrance to the Centaur village, Gabrielle abruptly brought her small gelding to a halt. When Ephiny turned around to check on her companion, the young Queen held a necklace in her hand with a small silvery gleaming key as a pendant.
"Ephiny, I'll take two of the guards and return to the village. This must be one of the keys to Xena's restraints."
"Seems like a good sign to me, Gab."
"It should be, but I also have the feeling that something isn't right at all. Give my regards to Tyldus, and tell Xenan that I'm sorry."
The blonde woman didn't wait for the affirmative nod from her friend before turning her horse and hurrying back to the Amazon village. Though she and her guards made good time, they had to stop just after midday to rest the horses. Gabrielle knew that they didn't have a choice, but the nearer they came to the village the greater became the sense of urgency clenching her heart.
When they arrived in the late afternoon candlemarks, she didn't stop at the stables. Instead, she rode directly to the makeshift prison. What she saw there first left her speechless and then had her bellowing at her riding companions. "Go and get Solari, tell her to bring the one responsible for guarding the hut, everyone on duty while we were away is to report to me, immediately; and send the healer."
The left side of Xena's head was discoloured with bruises, her eye was swollen shut, her whole body was covered in scrapes and bruises, and her right arm lay at an odd angle, apparently broken. Gabrielle opened the cage door and for the first time stepped in. Her left hand gently touched her former lover's cheek, and a blue eye fluttered open.
"It's you. I can feel that you're not a dream. Gabrielle, I'm sorry that I let you down. I never wanted to cause you any pain, but that's all I seem to be doing. I'm sorry, my love."
Gabrielle looked at her with big, unbelieving eyes. Never before had the bound woman used her birth name; she had called her 'girl', 'sweety', 'Amazon', 'storyteller' and a whole batch of more unpleasant names but she never had used her name, the name that always had been able to bring shivers to the very core of the Amazon Queen's heart.
Before she could dwell on the possible consequences of the last endearment, a panting healer crossed the doorstep, with Solari and three members of the Royal guards hard on her heels.
"Erymma, treat Xena's wounds. Solari, what happened here?"
"My Queen, I ., it would be better, if you'd ask the elders."
"It's you, I'm asking, captain of the Royal guards!" The Queen's voice was cold and her eyes hard and demanding.
"It was a punishment, my Queen." Solari answered with outward calm, obstinately avoiding looking into the blonde woman's eyes. "The elders decided that Xena had to be punished for what she did when she took our Queen from the purification hut. They they hurt her the way she hurt our warriors."
"Call a full council session; it's time that 'I' mete out some punishments. I've had enough of their insubordination. Tell them to wait for me, I'll come as soon as I've calmed down enough not to want to kill them all on sight. Erymma, how is she?"
"She's fine. The bruises and scrapes are superficial, and she doesn't have a concussion. Her arm could be a problem. It's a simple break just below the elbow, but because of the way her wrist is secured, I'm not able to set it properly. I only can hope that it heals all right. However, we should be prepared to break it again as soon as she is free of her bonds."
"I might have a solution to this problem." Gabrielle took the key from around her neck and easily opened the wrist cuff while the young healer held the injured arm. Soon, the arm was set and in a cast, and Erymma took her leave.
"I'm sorry this happened to you, Xena. The ones responsible will pay for this. That's a promise."
"Gabrielle, please wait. There's something you have to know. I'm the one responsible. They wouldn't have gone through with this without my permission. I wanted to pay for what I did to Ephiny and the others and to you. Try to understand. It it still frightens me that I was able to hurt you physically. It felt good to get back at least some of the pain I caused. I feel better because of this, and I'm sure the Amazons do too. They now know that my crimes didn't go unpunished, and we can start anew. Please, don't be too hard on the elders. They only did what they thought was right."
"Perhaps, but they also acted against an explicit order of their Queen. I can't afford to let this go unpunished. During the last season cycle and a half, I learned to accept their strange views on responsibility and fault, but I never will understand them. I'll think of something suitable and now I'll try to get these other restraints off of you."
"The key, it doesn't fit, damn it."
"It's all right. I'm not ready to be freed yet. There are still some things I have to come to terms with and other things I have to tell you."
"Good. I'll be back tomorrow morning."
"No, please, I need more time. This morning I was ready to talk, but it would have been too early. I don't know how much time I'll need but I'll let you know."
"I'll be patient, Xena. Try to get some sleep."
"Gabrielle, the blindfold, would you please put it back over my eyes. It's easier to think this way."
"Are you sure?" The bound woman nodded. The blonde picked the discarded scarf from the floor and put it around Xena's head. Soft lips found the warrior's cheek, and Gabrielle left the hut.
Two days later, Xena was ready. Her caretakers immediately took off the blindfold and one of them went to alert the Queen. "Can you tell me what happened to the elders?"
"Oh, Queen Gabrielle sentenced all of them to a fortnight of taking care of the youngsters for their disobedience. Before even half their time is up, they will be begging for another punishment. These young ones tend to run their caretakers ragged. The warriors have to take turns with them since the Queen centralised their schooling to give the mothers more time for themselves. Last season it was my turn, and after only a quarter moon, I was ready to sleep for at least a fortnight. This way they will think twice before disobeying the Queen a second time."
"You don't share their opinion?" Xena asked with a hint of doubt in her voice.
"No, I can understand why you did it," The woman answered after taking a deep, cleansing breath.
"I'm sorry for asking. I didn't mean to pry."
"It's all right, it's in the past. The Queen's coming. I'll leave you alone."
"You're welcome, Xena."
Xena couldn't hide her smile when Gabrielle opened the door to her prison; the morning light came from behind and painted slightly red highlights on her blonde head. Her well-defined abs were visible with every step, and her Amazon garb accentuated her breasts. The cage door was still open; she came in and gave Xena a chaste kiss on her fading bruises.
"I know you have much to tell me, but there's something you'll have to know first. Two days ago, when I came back, you said that you had let me down. That's not true and whatever happens, it never will be true."
Xena's smile was sad. "I married Hercules."
"That's what people do when they love each other, Xena."
The tall woman closed her eyes. "Herc is a good partner and a loving father and the best friend one can think ofbut I didn't love him. I never was in love with him. No, give me the chance to explain. I was a coward and of all the mistakes I ever made in my life, this was the biggest. Don't get me wrong, I don't regret the birth of Ephiny and Gabrielle." She visibly swallowed. "I don't regret the time I spent with Herc and them, with Iolaus and Mother and Alkmene.
"I made you believe I tried to get you as far away . I was afraid. After Tripolis, I was afraid. During the fight, I couldn't bear the thought of living without you. I promised I would be there for you, even in death though I knew that in the after-world we wouldn't end up in the same place. When the antidote began to work, I knew that I had been given another chance to keep you safe, and the only way to do this was to get you as far away from me as possible.
"Before the fight, you told me that you long ago had accepted the risks involved in living with me, in loving me, but I wasn't strong enough to live with them. I could no longer bear the thought that being with me endangered your life every candledrop of every day." Gabrielle tried to interrupt but Xena simply ignored her. "First, I didn't know how I would do it, but then I saw a chance. I saw your eyes when you saw me with Hercules."
"You knew that despite everything I said after the wedding I always would keep my distance from your new life, you remembered how you felt when I married Perdicus. I can't believe that you simply used him to get rid of me."
There it was again, the sad, tired smile. "I didn't use him. Hercules knew the truth from the beginning. He told me that I was wrong and that it wasn't my choice but yours to make. He tried to talk me out of it. Somehow, one day, something I said convinced him to do it. I still don't know what it was. We had to make it convincing; sleeping with him was the logical consequence."
Gabrielle visibly gulped, but her eyes held Xena's steadily.
"I hurt you by choosing him, and I'm not proud of what I did. I can understand if you never want to talk to me again." The last words were spoken almost in a whisper, and Xena's eyes concentrated on the ground.
Gabrielle was beyond words, but the silence soon became oppressive. There only was one way to reassure her former lover. She took a step forward, her right hand found Xena's chin; she bent her head and posed a gentle kiss on her mouth. When Xena's eyes finally found her own she said, "I never stopped loving you and I never will, Xe."
"Are you sure?"
"I love you, I'm in love with you. But I need a promise. I know there probably will be other situations where you'll have your doubts, that's why I want you to promise that you never again will make my decisions for me. Talk to me, and we will sort it out together."
"You're not disgusted by what I did?"
"Disgusted? Xena, if you only knew. No, you have to know. All these moons since you first spoke of marrying Hercules I dreamed that one day you would just ride in the centre of the village, swipe me up in your arms, and tell me that you always loved me, that you couldn't live without . I was so ashamed, especially after the girls were born."
Xena tried to put her broken arm around the Amazon Queen, but her range of motion only allowed her to lay her hand on the woman's hip. "Do you know how much I long to take you in my arms, Gabrielle?"
"I more than long to be held by you, Xena." Another moment of silence, and once again there was a long chain around her neck and a key. "I hope Artemis is kind to us."
And the Moon Goddess was. The key opened Xena's second wrist cuff. Her muscles were stiff and hurting with every move, but her hand sneaked around the blonde woman's shoulders and drew her to her chest. Gabrielle's head found its space under Xena's chin, her heartbeat matching her own. It was a feeling, strange and comfortingly familiar at the same time, like swimming in a quiet lake and racing wild water rapids, like exploring new lands and coming home.
This day, they didn't speak any further. They both fell asleep.
About a candlemark before sunset, Xena's instincts reaffirmed themselves. She heard footsteps approaching and tried to get Gabrielle to move. She whispered in her ear and squeezed her arm, but the younger woman only snuggled closer. The door to the former sweating hut opened, and Ephiny came in. Brown eyes found blue and the curly haired woman smiled; she saw both of the warrior's arms draped around her friend, and her smile grew larger.
She whispered. "I'll go and get you something to eat and tell the guards to stay clear of the hut for the night." Xena raised her right eyebrow. "I know, it's not what it looks like but, well, an old Amazon is allowed to dream that you finally came to your senses." And she left with a smirk. Ephiny not only brought something to eat, but also lit a torch. The night fell, and Gabrielle stirred in her arms.
"I missed you, my love."
The next key opened both ankle cuffs, now only the waist restraint was left and Xena made the best of her vastly improved freedom. Slowly, she began to exercise her long limbs. The long period of enforced immobility had made her lose a lot of muscle tone and flexibility.
With the exception of her daily sparring sessions, Gabrielle spent the whole day with her prisoner, and more than once she fell asleep in her ex-lover's arms. To make it more comfortable for both of them some blankets and cushions had been brought in, but at Xena's insistence, they yet had to resume their sexual relationship.
"I want you to know all of me, all of my past. I don't deserve your friendship, and I'll never understand how I came to gain your love. But I'll always love you. You are my centre of strength and goodness and beauty. I want us to be together when this is over, but it will be your decision and yours alone. You will decide where we'll live and what we'll do. To do this there no longer can be any secrets between us. I'm not looking forward to telling you all of these things, but you have to know."
And so, Xena told her about M'Lila. She spoke about her time with Borias, her adventures in Chin and Japa. She let her know about the Rhinegold and Grendel, but one thing she left for last.
"Xena, I know all about you and the Queen of the Northern Amazons. I know you killed her in an honourable battle. I know she taught you many things, and I know she was your lover. Some of the elders and children survived the attack of your army, they told us what happened."
"You're right and you're wrong, Gabrielle. I killed Cyane and it was a fair fight; but I also killed the members of her council, and I used their own traps against them. Some of my fighting techniques I learned from the Queen, among them how to walk swiftly and silently in the tops of the trees. I spent a lot of time with her, even most of my nights but we never were lovers; we didn't have sex. She said that the darkness in my soul was too strong to warrant her love and devotion.
"I tried everything to bed her, but it never worked. There were times when I could smell, could feel her desire for me, but like with you before, she never acted on it. She told me that I would have to sign over my soul to take her as a lover. Then, I didn't know what she wanted to tell me. I didn't know that there is a difference between sex and love, that's why I didn't know what she was talking about. That's one of the things you taught me, Gabrielle. Before I came to love you, sex was a game of power to me, no strings attached, no feelings involved. You taught me what it means to love someone."
"You're exaggerating, Xena."
"No, I'm not but I think your fellow Amazons should also know about my past with the Northern Amazons."
"Xena, did you really think that this part of your past could go unnoticed? I knew since I accepted the mask of the Queen. Ephiny knows, and Solari, and Eponin, and the council of elders, and I don't know how many more. What you did then has nothing to do with what we're talking about now. I should have told you long ago, but whatever guilt you may feel about their deaths won't influence your future with my Amazon sisters or your standing in the Nation. As far as Amazon justice is concerned, the scales between us are balanced."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am."
"So, the only thing left for me to pay for is the death of Hera, goddess of the hearth and the family, isn't it?" It wasn't really a question, and Xena couldn't keep the contempt out of her voice when mentioning the dead goddess' name.
"That's not as easy as it sounds." Gabrielle told the tall warrior about her choices. "I'm sorry, Xe."
"Don't be. I have to pay for what I did, Gabrielle. Don't get me wrong, I would do it again, even with all my senses at peak efficiency. And while I never will regret my actions, I still must accept the consequences. Even if this were a real choice, I will not run from my responsibilities. And I certainly will not return to Ares' lair. No, I'll submit to the punishment of the gods, whatever it may be. It's the only honourable choice, the only choice if I ever hope to one day deserve your love. Did you read the instructions for my punishment?"
"Not yet, getting you back was more important. Xena, make love to me."
Gabrielle pressed her lips to Xena's, effectively preventing any kind of protest. The warrior shivered when the blonde began to nibble at her lower lip. She opened her mouth slightly, and her arms sneaked around a slim waist, her fingers retracing Gabrielle's spine. She returned the kiss, gently at first but growing in intensity and passion.
Small hands made the best of the unrestricted access to Xena's smooth skin and firm breasts. The tall warrior leaned against the back bars of her cage to allow Gabrielle even more freedom while her own hands were busy untying the Queen's top. They leisurely explored the other's body, reacquainting themselves with once familiar territory.
The younger woman's lips found the pulse point at Xena's neck. She could feel the blood pumping rapidly beneath and followed the vein with her tongue first, then grazing the skin with her teeth. A sharp intake of breath and an even more accelerated heartbeat was all the encouragement she needed.
She slowly descended the taller woman's chest and immediately found already hardened nipples. One of her hands left a fine toned buttock and gently cupped a breast instead while her mouth transformed the other one to granite-like rock. When Gabrielle finally switched sides, a low groan erupted above her. She continued to suckle and squeeze, eliciting continuous moans from the powerful woman.
"Oh gods," she gasped in between breaths, "do you know what you're doing to me, Gabrielle?"
The blonde lifted her head from the still enticing bosom, looking at Xena with innocent eyes and an ill-concealed smirk. Her voice suddenly seemed half an octave deeper.
"Since you left me, all these moons ago, I dreamed of making love to you. I dreamed of ravaging your body, of devouring every inch of your skin, of controlling your pleasure from beginning to end. And then suddenly there was your body, these last quarter moons, offering me everything I craved, while your eyes told me that it wouldn't have been real, that it wasn't love you longed for but power and freedom. I would have only been a means to an end. It hurt so much to see you like this. Now, that you're back, I couldn't resist the temptation of exacting a small revenge."
Xena slowly bent forward and placed a soft kiss on her beloved's lips, continuing on to the right ear. She whispered. "I want you to make love to me. I want your lips and tongue on every inch of my body. I want you to control my pleasure." She moved to look into green eyes with golden highlights. "All the years we were together, Gabrielle, it was always me who called the shots, me to decide when to make camp, where to go next. I even decided when and how we'd make love. I let you down more times than I care to remember, and I would spend a lifetime chained to your bed to make it up to you, my love."
The earnest pleading in the blue eyes left no doubt of the seriousness of her words, but still Gabrielle had to be sure. "Oh, Xena, don't say this just to please me. I know how you thrive on being in control."
"I can't deny it, Gabrielle, usually I do. But only because never before has there been someone I trusted enough to give in to the temptations of submission." The tall woman's eyes were calm, but her voice was trembling.
The Amazon Queen looked at her with wide eyes, and then her expression gradually changed to her mask of command, only slightly softened by her bright smile. "Grab the bars to the right and the left of your head, Xena. Don't let go until I tell you to. Don't speak." Gabrielle felt the shiver running through the other woman's body. Xena's hands found the sidebars of the cage, and she closed her eyes in surrender.
The smaller woman resumed her ministrations to Xena's breasts, slowly descending towards her navel, savouring every square inch of skin and delighting in the muffled groans and moans the older woman couldn't suppress. Her own desire was increased by the distinctive scent of the warrior's arousal mingling with her own. So, despite her best intentions, she reached the real centre of her intentions faster than initially planned.
The dark curls between Xena's legs were damp with her moisture. Gabrielle took a quick lap at the other woman's centre, and nearly fainted with the intoxicating taste. To keep control, she had to keep her distance from the focal point of her addiction; so, she nibbled her way down to the knee, from the knee to the toes and back to the knee level. There, she switched sides. She contemplated descending down to the other toes but instead decided to lick her way upwards.
Xena's moans now were a constant background noise, growing in volume. Gabrielle's head was only inches away from its goal, and finally she couldn't resist any longer. Her tongue dived down, grazing the other woman's sphincter, shortly penetrating her folds. Instead of concentrating on her lover's most intimate centre, the young woman redirected the top of her tongue to Xena's thighs.
"Gabrielle, please ."
The young woman hoisted herself up on her elbows. "Hush, don't. Don't speak. You're mine; your body is mine to play with. Or did you change your mind?"
The tall woman vigorously shook her head. "I'm sorry. It will not happen again."
"Let's try again. I want you to keep your eyes open. I want you to see what I'm doing." Gabrielle retreated to the other end of the cage, turned to the left and began to undo the laces of her right boot. She took her time, giving Xena ample opportunity to drink in the sight of her well-muscled legs and slightly bouncing breasts. Still bent over, she made a half turn to the other side to take off her left boot, also agonisingly slow. Her head almost touched the top bars of the cage when she once again stood and discarded the last items of clothing, her skirt and breeches.
Xena's breath caught in her throat, and her hands tensed around the steel bars at the sight. The young woman's mons was clean-shaven except for a thin line in the middle. It was exactly as it had been when they still were lovers, before Illusia, before Chin, before Britannia.
Gabrielle inched closer and stopped only a hand's width away from Xena's face. "Don't move. I just wanted you to have a close look." She then straddled the bound woman and continued to tease her. She didn't sit down, instead her hands closed around Xena's to give her some leverage. She pressed her hard nipples against the taller woman's chest, rubbing breast against breast. Two nipples made contact and both women moaned. Gabrielle retreated just enough to almost lose contact, and she began to whisper in Xena's ear.
"Do you know what we would be doing now if you hadn't forced me to begin again? I'll tell you. Your scent was so intoxicating; I just would have teased you for a little bit by running my tongue in circles on your thigh. My lips, then, would have sucked your nether lips to get them all hot. I would have cleaned every crook and cranny of your folds, never able to lick away all of your juices. I would feel your frantic heartbeat under the flat of my tongue while getting ready to suck at your clit. All your senses by now would be focused on this small bundle of nerves but I wouldn't let you come, all the while fighting against my own need for release.
"Finally I would enter your slick opening. Two fingers would be enough to find the special spot inside, the one that always made you scream my name, the one you told me only I know to find. My mouth would lock itself around your protruding clit and you would come like you never did before. I would let you ride all the waves of your orgasm and revel in the feeling of your inner muscles clenching around my fingers. And then my digits would start anew, not only touching this special spot but circling and massaging it to a new eruption and then I would allow myself to ."
A frustrated groan interrupted her, she let go of Xena's hands and sat down in her lap, close enough to be tickled by the other's dark curls. Xena's long fingers were white knuckled with the strain to stay in position, her eyes were shining with unconcealed lust and her nipples hurt from arousal. Her partner's distinctive scent of sweet musk mingled with her own and made her slightly light-headed. Silence reigned and finally there was the command. "Kiss my breasts, Xena, only with your lips. Don't use your tongue, keep your hands were they are. Yes, that's it my love, go slowly."
And Xena made the best of her limited options. She covered the other woman's breasts with a barrage of small, rapid kisses, barely taking the time to breathe but carefully avoiding the taut nipples. Gabrielle's breathing became ragged, and Xena changed tactics. She brought her head back and carefully took aim, using her lips to nibble her way all around the areola of the blond woman's hard buds. After what to both women seemed like an eternity, she sought Gabrielle's eyes for permission and closed her soft lips around the proud points.
Slowly increasing the pressure, she painstakingly avoided touching them with her teeth or tongue and was rewarded by the smooth flesh of the smaller woman's centre rocking against her own. Xena couldn't help but react, and they soon were moving in an enticingly familiar rhythm. When she came up for air, a firm hand guided her head to Gabrielle's mouth. A tongue entered and once again the proud warrior surrendered. The urgency to explore that was driving the Amazon Queen couldn't be denied.
The rhythm of their thrusts accelerated considerably and both women cried out the other's name in release. Gabrielle snuggled close, her head resting slightly above Xena's breasts, into the arms that encircled her protectively. They both fell asleep. About two candlemarks later, green eyes opened at the sensation of being watched. She turned her head and found her gaze captured by vivid blue eyes, smiling at her.
"We're not yet finished, my love," she whispered before guiding Xena to lie down on the ground, at least as far as the waist restraint allowed. She then spread the other woman's legs and settled between them, running the tips of her fingers along the sensitive surface of the inner thighs, and smiling at the goose bumps the simple movement produced. She found Xena's eyes, and before devouring an already peaking clit she said, "Close your eyes and enjoy, my love."
They played the rest of the day and the better part of the next night, not even acknowledging the brief presence of Xena's caretakers or the fact that the Amazon regent personally brought a meal of cider, bread and cheese and not particularly surprised when a last key opened the warrior's waist restraint.
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