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WEBSITE: http://www.asstr.org/~John_OConnor/
Coping
By John O'Connor
"Okay, Jack, that's all I can give you." Doctor
Elizabeth Olivet picked up her overcoat, grabbed her
briefcase and headed for the door.
Assistant District Attorney Jack McCoy stood up behind
his desk, "Thanks Liz. Of course I'll let you know
when we need you on the stand." He fingered the
written version of the report she had just given him.
"May even get her to plead."
"That'd be nice. Save us poor taxpayers some money."
"Wanna grab a bite?"
"Sorry Jack. Prior engagement."
"Story of my life," McCoy chuckled. "Give her my
love."
"Will do."
With that, Elizabeth Olivet left the DA's office and
headed for the nearest subway.
An hour later, she let herself into her modest
apartment on the Upper West Side. As she looked
through the mail, she called out, "I'm home!"
"Hello, Doctor. How was your day?" Sandra Jenkins
asked.
"Passable. How was she today?"
"Kinda down. I tried to distract her but..."
"Yeah, I know. Thanks Sandy."
"Unless you need me..." Sandy said as she picked her
coat off the coat rack.
"No. Thank you," Liz said.
The day nurse nodded and said, "Good night, Doctor."
"G'night," Elizabeth replied offhandedly. Her
thoughts were already down the hall. Her body soon
followed.
"Hey! How're you?" she asked brightly.
"Hi," came Clair Kincaid's half-hearted reply.
"I hear you had a bad day, sweetie. Wanna tell me
about it?"
Clair lay in the bed listlessly. A drunk driver
several years before had put her in a coma. She
fought her way out of the coma to discover she was
completely paralyzed from the waist down and suffered
partial paralysis from her neck down. Further surgery
and follow-up therapy helped her regain near full
motor control of her upper body as well as some
feeling below her waist.
She was a fighter though. She had a fire in her belly
that wouldn't let her give up...on anything. It was
part of what made her one of the best assistant
district attorneys in New York. And Elizabeth's
presence at her bedside and through her therapy made
her new fight worthwhile.
But there were just some days when it seemed like
there was no point to fighting. To constantly
struggle to perform even the simplest tasks. To let
the fire die out.
Today was one of those days.
"Oka-ay," Elizabeth said. She sat on the edge of the
bed and took Clair's hand in hers, "I'll bore you with
my day. How's that?" Getting no reply other than a
soft squeeze on her hand, Liz proceeded to tell Clair
about the case she was assisting on.
"So, Jack is going to try to get this girl to plead.
I agree with him that this case will be hard to prove
to a jury. A girl who swears the man she killed was a
vampire. And with a stake no less."
Clair has started to perk up as Liz talked. She even
struggled to sit up a little more with Liz's help.
"So, this Buffy wannabe... Is she nuts? Or is she
very clever?"
"Personally, I think the latter. The problem is
proving it to a jury."
"I've seen Jack pull bigger rabbits out of his hat,"
Clair stated.
"And we've seen him lose too," Liz countered. "Hey!
What do you want for dinner? I could whip something
up or we could order Chinese?"
"I'm not hungry," Clair looked at the wall.
Liz reached over and stroked her dark hair, "Clair,
honey, I know this is a bad time for you but we'll get
through this. We always do."
"Wanna get up for a while?" She pulled Clair's
wheelchair over by the bed.
"I guess. And I'd rather have Thai."
Liz smiled. That was more like it.
It took a few moments but soon Clair was seated in her
custom wheelchair. She glanced over as if to ensure
the absence of the colostomy bag. But the fact that
she could hardly even go to the bathroom by herself
was often the most irritating and painful reminder of
all she had lost.
She rolled herself after Liz into the living room.
Parking herself next to Liz's recliner, she listened
as Liz ordered delivery. With small nods, she agreed
to most of Liz's order.
Hanging up, the psychiatrist said, "Lee said at least
an hour. Must be a busy night." Clair nodded. "So
what do you want to watch? Movies? TV?"
Smiling slyly, Clair replied, "'Buffy' is on..."
With a laughing groan, Liz turned on the big screen TV
and settled down next to Clair. Taking the younger
woman's hand, she held it gently. She glanced over
and was rewarded with a small smile.
As the show progressed, Clair said, "I kinda lost
interest in this series at this point."
"What? The college shows? I think that's when the
show got interesting. Willow coming out of the
closet, Buffy growing into quite the young lady..."
"Trying to get me jealous?" Clair joked.
Liz chuckled. "No, what I hated was the secret
government operation. And Riley is such a weinie.
Buffy should've kept Cordelia around."
"Aw, Riley's not so bad."
"Yeah, well, potatoes/potahtoes..."
They sat in silence for a while as the action unfolded
on the big screen television. As 'Buffy' ended, the
channel was changed and they found themselves watching
'Stargate SG-1' on SciFi.
"That doctor? The cute brunette? Reminds me of one of
my therapists."
"Yeah, I thought you said all your therapists were
nasty...you know..." Liz laughed.
Clair laughed, delighting Liz, "I said they were nasty
fucks."
The younger woman chuckled again when Liz blushed at
her language. Then she added, "Well, she was
relentless but she was cute too."
"Now, who's tryin' to get who jealous?"
Before Clair could answer, the doorbell rang and they
settled down to eat. They shared orders of chicken
satay, pad thai, ginger chicken and spring rolls.
And, as usual, there would be enough leftover for Liz
to take some to work for her lunch the next day.
"You know," Liz said around a mouthful of noodles,
pointing at the TV. "I kinda like that blonde."
Clair shook her head, "Not me. Don't get me wrong,
she's very cute but I've always preferred brunettes."
Liz looked at her love, set down her chopsticks and
held the woman's hand gently. "I love you."
"I love you too."
After they finished, Liz took the remainder into the
kitchen after asking the usual, "Sure you're done?"
As she put the leftovers into small containers, she
considered what to do with her woman. It was past
time they discussed the future.
"Hey, can we talk?"
Clair looked over at Liz quickly as she stepped into
the living room, "I don't like the sound of that."
Liz looked puzzled. "That's what I told Jen the night
we broke up, just before the Bar Exam."
Liz looked surprised. "Oh! I didn't realize... I
don't mean that..."
Clair smiled gently, "You know, for such a brilliant
head-doctor, you can be so...easily rattled.
"What did you want to talk about?"
Sitting in thought for a moment, Liz realized that she
often was treading on eggshells when it came to
dealing with Clair. Maybe that was part of the
problem with the younger woman's bouts of depression.
Maybe she was just afraid to do her job when it came
to the woman she loved.
"I'm worried about you. You...seem to get depressed
more easily lately. I know it's close to the
anniversary of your...accident but..."
"Liz, if you're worried about me doing something
stupid, don't."
"No, it's not that. I just think that... Well, you
sitting here day after day with no one but that stupid
box and Sandy to keep you company...it's not good.
And Sandy's only here for part of the afternoon two
days a week now."
Clair held her hands clasped in her lap as she stared
at the muted television, "So? What can we do? You
have a magic wand or pixie dust that'll help me walk
again?"
Liz heard the bitterness in the other's voice. She
wasn't going to be distracted by that. But maybe she
could use it. "No. Don't be stupid."
The look on Clair's face cut right into Liz's heart
but she went on this time. "I'm sorry. I know you're
not stupid but when you get this way..."
"What way?" Clair's voice was angry.
"Lying around in bed all day feeling sorry for
yourself. It's not good for you. Or me. I..."
"Well? What else can I do?"
"Be a lawyer. There's no law that says you can't
perform your job from a wheelchair."
"No! No way in hell!"
"Why not?"
"Look at me. Look at how everyone treats me now.
It'll be the same in court. Probably worse."
"What do you... Oh! But if you're good enough, that
shouldn't matter."
"It does. It'll always color any decision I could
win. I'll never be sure if I won a case on the merits
of my arguments or if the judge and jury just felt
sorry for the crip in the chair."
"What about doing something that doesn't involve court
appearances?"
"Liz, I love the law. I loved being in court.
Especially before I met you, it was usually the sole
reason I got up in the morning. What else could I
do?"
Liz felt a pang of pity mixed with anger at the
self-pity she heard in Clair's voice. Her reaction
showed in the tone of her response. "There's
research... teaching..."
"Research? Then I'd be back to clerking again... I
don't want to be a law clerk again."
"And teaching? What's wrong with that?"
"Where? No one has offered me anything."
"Bullshit!"
Clair froze, her face showed her shock and surprise.
Liz never swore.
"Wh...what do you mean?"
"I mean, who takes the trash to the garbage chute? I
saw the letter from Columbia. And it wasn't some
alumni form letter begging for money."
"That was last term... I wasn't ready."
Liz sat forward. "Not then. Are you ready now?"
"I...I don't know. I don't think so."
"Clair, honey, you can't sit around here wallowing in
self-pity. It's not healthy. And it's not you. It's
not the woman I fell head over heels for."
"Liz, I can't... I'm...I'm scared..." Clair's voice
was almost that of a frightened child.
"I know hon. I am too. But I'm more scared of losing
you to these depressions. One day you won't come back
and the only way out will be..." Liz shook her head
violently, "No! I will not let that happen! Not to
you!"
She turned to Clair, her eyes awash in tears, "I'm at
fault here. I enabled you to sit and do nothing for
too long. I was afraid to push you. I was afraid
you'd... I screwed up. I forgot the most important
aspect of loving someone. I can't coddle you any
longer. Not without risking losing you. And I don't
want to lose you. Ever."
Tears were flowing down her cheeks now. She chanced a
look at Clair, expecting to see anger or resentment.
The other woman's tears were the last thing she
expected.
Liz dropped to her knees next to Clair's chair and
held the smaller woman tightly. "I love you. I want
you to be here for a long time."
"I...I love you t...too," Clair sobbed. "I'm so...I'm
so sorry that I put you..."
Liz shook her head, "You didn't do anything. I did."
"No. I just sat here feeling sorry for myself..."
Any further words were stifled as Liz
kissed Clair. A soft, tender, loving kiss.
Their lips lingered together until Clair prodded Liz'
with her tongue. The kiss deepened.
With a wicked gleam in her eye, Clair purred into Liz'
ear, "Take me to bed, Doctor. I need some of your
special treatment."
"Are you sure?" Liz asked, looking into her love's
eyes.
"Yes." A simple word but the depth of feeling Clair
infused it with caused Liz' heart to leap in her
chest.
Ignoring the chair, Liz scooped up the younger
brunette in her arms and carried her into their
bedroom, sharing kisses along the way.
Clair was able to easily remove her top but waited for
Liz to help with her pants and undies. In her haste
to get to her woman, Liz practically tore her designer
blouse.
In moments, the two were wrapped in a passionate
embrace, their mouths feasting on the other tasting
Thai food mixed with each other's woman.
Soon, Liz worked her way down Clair's body and was
rewarded with the attorney's cries of passion-filled
climax.
Late into the night, they lay together whispering to
each other as they cuddled and caressed. Liz loved
the feel of Clair's naked flesh against hers and made
a point to savor every moment when they did make love.
"So...you gonna think about it?"
Jill glared at her lover in the dark. "Columbia?" she
whispered angrily.
Liz almost dropped the subject but pressed on. "Yes.
You are a great orator. You could do a marvelous job
in a classroom. And you have the real world
experience to back up your lessons."
Clair didn't say anything, just lay there in Liz's
arms. 'At least she's not pulling away,' Liz thought.
Time to try a different tack. "You know, it'd be a
shame to deprive all those kids of your knowledge and
experience. Who knows? You might be what they need
to avoid being the sleazeball lawyers everyone jokes
about."
Clair still said nothing and Liz thought for a moment.
Then she said, "And those cute, little coeds... Ooo,
I'll bet they'll be all over a sweet young thing like
you..."
Clair had to laugh at that. "Coeds? You're crazy!?!"
Liz nodded, "Yeah, crazy nuts about you..."
She leaned into Clair and they shared a long, loving
kiss. Neither one tasted Thai anymore, just the woman
each loved.
Liz knocked on the bathroom door, "Hey, someone else
might wanna use that room too!"
"Just a minute," came through the door.
Finally, after another couple of minutes, the door
opened and Clair wheeled herself out. She was wearing
a navy pantsuit with a light blue blouse. Her makeup
was minimal but tastefully and masterfully applied.
Her dark hair was perfect and gleamed in the morning
light.
Liz paused, speechless.
"How do I look? Is something wrong?" Clair asked
quickly, the worry evident in her voice.
Liz shook her head, "No. Nothing's wrong at all. You
look...amazing."
"Yeah?"
Liz nodded, "Yeah. You look like the woman who turned
my head in that courtroom five years ago. If it
weren't for... I'd have you in bed so fast..."
Clair laughed, it was getting easier to laugh every
day now. "Well, we'll just have to see how those
coeds react..."
Liz laughed, "Okay, let's get you to school..."
After today, Liz would just drop Clair off in front of
the law school but today was special. She had made
sure her calendar was clear so she could spend the day
in her woman's classroom.
Clair had insisted she didn't need the moral support
but, after all these years, Liz knew she did want it
and Liz was happy to help.
She sat in the back where Clair could see her if she
needed to. Clair wheeled herself in a few moments
after the last student sat down in the lecture hall.
With a quick look up at Liz, who blew her a kiss with
a wave, Clair said, "Hello class. My name is Clair
Kincaid. For several years I was an assistant
district attorney here in Manhattan..."
Liz sat back, happy to see her love with that missing
fire in her belly. This was the woman she wanted to
spend the rest of her life with. A long happy life.
And she was going to do just that.
The End