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Cottage Cheese
By ralst

Seven looked across the conference table at the small redhead. "There is something different about you today, Captain, have you changed your coiffure?"

Dana Scully looked down at the strange uniform covering her body, its wool and polyester blend causing her skin to break out in hives, before looking up at the blonde women opposite. "Holy..." Dana's mouth gaped open and a single thought reverberated inside her mind, 'I've fallen asleep and woken up in one of Mulder's wet dreams.'


"She's not the captain, idiot." B'Elanna slapped Seven on the shoulder. "I told you not to wire cable directly into your cortical node."

Seven tapped a finger against her temple. "It was the only way I could watch the series finale of the L Word without Icheb fainting," she explained, "if she is not the captain, and I only have your word for that, then who is she?"

"How should I know?"

"I'm Dana Scully, who the hell are you?"

"You're Dana?" Seven looked confused. "I thought Dana was a brunette?"

"Wrong Dana," B'Elanna sighed. "Sorry," she excused, "she's not been the same since we got Showtime."

Dana shrugged. "Monica's the same way."

Seven tapped her temple a second time. "Am I also imagining the sexually alluring brunette in Mr Neelix's silver and purple suit?"

B'Elanna and Dana turned to observe the newcomer.

"Monica!" Dana husked.

"Sexually alluring?" B'Elanna pouted.

Monica looked from the buxom blonde to the pouting brunette before her eyes settled on her partner. "Did we do drugs?"

Dana paled. "Of course not!"


"No." Dana's eyes sparkled in recognition. "The cottage cheese!"

"Are they talking in code?" B'Elanna asked.

Seven reached for a data padd. "I shall apply a borg algorithm and extrapolate my results based on Einstein's sixth rule of..."

"Definitely the cottage cheese," Monica interrupted, "I knew there was something strange about that deli." She looked down at Neelix's shirt. "Whoa."


Dana punched the snooze button on her alarm clock. "Not again," she mumbled.

"Don't tell me, blondes and cottage cheese?" Monica guessed.

"No," Dana's voice almost disappeared as she buried her head in the pillows, "a blonde, a brunette and cottage cheese."

Monica chuckled. "At least tell me I was the brunette."


The End

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