DISCLAIMER: Women's Murder Club and its characters are the property of James Patterson, 20th Century Fox Television and ABC. No infringement intended.
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I drive aimlessly, my destination as uncertain as the future. I couldn't sleep. Somewhat ironic, I think, that I'm not used to have anyone sleep beside me but Martha. Someone who wants to be there, someone to hold me. I felt caged.
It was a little better when I left the house, breathing in the cool night air, but the images I'm trying to flee from are right there.
Good job on the interrogation. I can't fight the feeling that I screwed up this case, big time. It wasn't rational; once I realized that Kate had lied to me, I needed to prove it. At all costs. Even if I can hardly ever understand the motive behind a murder this well.
I would have killed him myself. As it was, I had made her confess to it. All by the book. I just hadn't counted in the feeling of being sick of myself afterwards.
Cindy almost died.
The thought slams into my brain at regular intervals, an icy hand of fear ghosting over my heart. Silly to think that we could somehow be invincible, the four of us, that nothing could touch us.
Stopping at a red light, I realize that my hands are slightly trembling on the steering wheel. I did it all wrong, I know that now. Getting involved with a man I barely knew because he seemed okay, not listening to the longing from deeper within I was so good at burying. Cindy. I flash back to the joke she made, looking shockingly weak and young in that hospital bed. Then she turned to Jill though, listening to her apology, and I had the feeling something important had happened. That she'd turned away from me for good.
It's all connected somehow. I can't go back to a moment where I still had a chance to sort out this mess, to do the right thing.
The more I think about it, the more one thing becomes clearer.
I can't go back to my pretend lover.
I can't go back into my life where two of my best friends might be about to develop this kind of feelings for each other drawing conclusions from a close call, to a job where going by the law means sending a rape victim to prison.
I just keep driving to a fate uncertain, my only company the voice of Melissa Etheridge and the gun in the passenger's seat.
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