DISCLAIMER: This contains F/F and M/M interaction. If you are under 18 or this is illegal where you live, please don’t read. Disclaimers: I don’t own these characters, Paramount does. The premise to the story is mine though. No copyright infringement meant. It is not Betaed, and definitely just a PWP.
Written in response to Odon’s Super Challenge which stated:

Write a story that contains ALL of the following: 1) The words: love, hate, insatiable, sex, lust, passion, snugglebunny, leola root stew, Autonomic Sexual Subroutine, banana pancakes, whipped cream, revealing panties, A-koo-chee-mojo, Photonic Cannon, emergency shock absorbers, copulation, intimate relations, endless tongue, lips, vagina, genitalia, labia, vulva, nether regions, love juices, full body massage, the 89th position, cunt, pussy, gash, slit, gash, mound, mons, quim, breasts, tits, melons, nipples, cleavage, lick, suck, fuck, bang, bonk, screw, shag, shaft, lay, do the nasty, horizontal folk dance, the beast with two backs, wumpy-pumpy, cunnilingus, sixty-niner, hand relief, oral, anal, ass, asshole, assfuck, pain in the ass, Borg-enhanced clitoris, industrial strength lubricant, 100 orgasms, The Penetrator, choSuvchugh 'oy'lIj Daghur neH (struggling only makes it hurt more), B'Elanna's Double Dildo of Death, and `stuffed targ doll'. 2) Tom Paris must die a slow and painful death through being pulled inside out by an inverse subspatial anomaly which splatters his internal organs all over the inside of the Delta Flyer, only to be reincarnated as a woman by non-corporeal trans-dimensional beings and returned to Voyager just in time to cause major problems at a significant moment in the burgeoning T/7 relationship. 3) For a reason that is essential to the plot, Tuvok must have his ears docked. 4) Seven must use the following phrase:"Captain, I realise you regard me as a surrogate daughter, but I believe your asking me to suck on your breasts carries that analogy too far!" 5) An isolinear spanner must have a significant character part.

Down and Dirty in the Delta

By Cirroco DeSade


Sometimes it was so boring being Immortal. Vexan sighed and created another galaxy in a long sneeze. Immortal and grounded. What good were godly powers if you don’t get to play Vexan wondered. Vexan couldn’t understand why Nexan was mad over Vexan’s toying with a few mortals anyway. Vexan looked around the 7th dimension and couldn’t sense Nexan or Mexan anywhere, so Vexan snickered and popped over to the third dimension, wanting to take on a corporeal state. It was just so kinky Vexan thought. Vexan looked around the galaxy it was in and saw a tiny little ship. It peeked inside and saw all sorts of corporeal beings living their funny little mortal lives. So many different kinds! How much fun! Vexan thought of how much trouble it would be in if Mexan or Nexan caught it, but decided it just wouldn’t get caught this time. Instead trying to blend in as a being this time, it would become an object everyone would ignore. Vexan searched through the memory of the nearest being to the heart of the ship to figure out what kind of object this ‘female’ used a lot. “The Penetrator” sounded interesting, and so did “B’Elanna’s Double Dildo of Death,” and the female seemed to use them in her private life a lot, but Vexan wanted something she used all over the ship. There … an “isolinear spanner.” Vexan’s quim string vibrated in the fourth dimension as it got excited and changed itself into an isolinear spanner, appearing in the Delta Flyer.

Meanwhile, in the Delta Flyer, Tom Paris was giving himself hand relief. Since B’Elanna had broken up with him, AND released a holopicture of his nether regions and coding it as if he sent it out, not only was he horny, but no woman would come near him. He was getting so desperate, that the other day when Harry bent over he almost asked the ensign if he wanted a good assfuck. He didn’t notice the isolinear spanner that appeared on the console in front of him, but when his Photonic Cannon (as he liked to think of it) unloaded his love juices on the spanner, something odd happened. The spanner vibrated and then shot up becoming an odd little being that shrieked and tore out of there in a strange hole in reality. Tom sat there stunned, pecker in hand, before realizing the he was being pulled forward, dick first through the hole that the thing had left in space. He screamed and wailed, trying to keep his privates on his body, but since his hands got sucked off first it was kind of hard.

Vexan pulled abruptly back outside of the ship and gagged. Well THAT was certainly nasty. Peeking back to where it had been it winced. There was a nasty mess where that ‘human’ had been, and it’s DNA was all over the place. Damn, Vexan had forgotten that pulling out of the third dimension so quickly caused a inverse subspatial anamoly every time, and it was quite fatal to mortals. Vexan hoped Mexan didn’t see that. Maybe these mortals wouldn’t notice their missing friend. He didn’t seem too important. Vexan decided to observe someone else, maybe this Captain everyone thought about with such fear and love.

Meanwhile, Seven of Nine stepped out of her regeneration cycle very refreshed. Every time she had been around B’Elanna lately, the engineers smell or voice or general appearance had started an autonomic sexual subroutine, causing her genitalia to swell and ache. She had not found a cure for this lust as of yet, but a short regeneration always gave her a measure of relief.

Seven’s com badge chirped and the captain’s voice came through. “Seven, please report to my ready room immediately.” “On my way,” the Borg responded and left.

The spanner had appeared on Janeway’s coffee table. The captain was another female Vexan noticed. She was boring on the outside, but her mind was outrageous!! All of the fantasies this woman had! Why did these mortals not do what they wanted Vexan wondered. Vexan decided it would be fun to try to make this Janeway live out some of her fantasies. Another female entered the room and Vexan noticed Janeway’s thoughts became centered on her desire to lick Seven’s huge melons and something about the beast with two backs.

“Seven,” Janeway smiled. “Thank you for coming so quickly. I wanted to get your thoughts on the species in this next star system you talked about in your report.” /And stare at you cleavage for a while/ she added internally. She moved around her desk and pointed to the couch, where they both had a seat.

“Funny, where did this isolinear spanner come from?” Janeway asked as she reached down and picked it up. Vexan shot out a surge of energy, overwhelming the captain’s good senses. The captain laid down the spanner and leered at Seven. “Seven have I ever told you that you have spectacular breasts?”

Seven’s eyebrow shot up at the question. Then she sat there stunned as the captain took off her tunic, sweater and bra. “What do you think of mine? Have you ever wanted to suck them?” Seven jumped up and started to flee. “Hey!” Janeway protested. “Where are you going,” she asked as she chased the blonde through the door.

“Captain, I realize you regard me as a surrogate daughter, but I believe you asking me to suck on your breasts carries that analogy too far!” Seven exclaimed as she ran up to Tuvok. “I believe someone needs to speak to the Captain,” she said and ran to the turbolift, exiting the bridge.

The bridge staff sat there stunned as their leader stood there half naked staring after the blonde. Finally she pinned Chakotay with a look. “Well, Chakotay,” she husked. “Now’s your chance. I need a good lay, so bring that big shaft of yours in here and lets do the nasty!”

“Captain?” he asked stupefied. Harry merely fainted. Tuvok sprained an eyebrow.

“I said get your ass in here screw me! NOW!” she barked and he nearly obeyed. Finally something clicked in his head (although it was a little late for junior’s appearance bulging through his pants) and he realized that something was wrong with the captain. He glanced at Tuvok and nodded. The Vulcan shot her with a phaser on heavy stun and she collapsed.

Chakotay hit his com badge. “Doctor to the bridge! Medical emergency!”

The Doctor appeared and looked at the fallen Janeway. “Oh, my,” he said, unusually understated. “What happened?”

“We don’t know why yet, but” he started and began to fill him in on the aberrant behavior. The Doctor sedated her and transported her away. Meanwhile, Tuvok went to begin his investigation of the ready room. Tricorder in hand he examined the room, finding nothing unusual except for an isolinear spanner that was putting off some strange readings.

Vexan on the other hand was highly amused at the captain’s antics and her crew’s reactions. But this ‘Vulcan’ was so strange, and he was getting close to discovering what Vexan was … well as close as a mortal could to understanding. So Vexan materialized a couple of little pleasure demons onto the Vulcan’s funny sound appendages.

The next thing Chakotay knew Tuvok was running out into the bridge yelling at the top of his lungs. “A-KOO-CHEE-MOJO! You!” he pointed at Chakotay. “Come here snugglebunny! It’s time to fuck!!!” Chakotay shrieked. “Oh YEAH! Tuvok’s gonna give you the wumpy pumpy!!” the Vulcan said as he pounced on Chakotay. Before Chakotay could even move his hands were trapped behind his back and his pants were down.

“HARRY! HARRY!!!!” Chakotay screamed.

“Oh yeah,” Tuvok growled. “You are tight!”

Harry finally woke up to the screams of his first officer. When he stood and looked down at the front of the bridge, he saw Chakotay and Tuvok having intimate relations, and promptly fainted again.

“Damnit Harry!!!” Chakotay whimpered. “Computer! Contact the Doctor, Medical emergency on the bridge!”

The EMH flashed into existence again, and even he shrieked. “What is going on with you people!!”

“Doctor! Help!” Chakotay screamed. He heard a hiss behind him and suddenly was covered in about 100 kgs of limp Vulcan. “Get him out and off of me!”

“Oh my,” the doctor said after pulling the heavy Vulcan away. “We’ll need to take you to sickbay.” He sedated the Commander, then went and woke the limp ensign. “Ensign Kim, You have the bridge. I would suggest you call in some support staff. And stay out of the ready room. Obviously we have a problem in there.”

Harry just nodded dumbly. He crossed down to the command level, and winced as he looked at his commanding officers. The EMH transported himself and the two sedated men away, and Harry immediately called for the beta crew. Meanwhile he just stared at the ready room doors in fear.

Vexan thought that was hilarious! But the little nonbeing ‘Doctor’ just spoiled its playtime in this room, so it decided to make an appearance elsewhere. It thought about the little woman who gave him the idea about the spanner.

Seven had run through engineering earlier and into a Jeffries tube. B’Elanna had tried to ignore the pain in the ass woman that she pretended to hate but meanwhile it was tearing her up inside. She had known for a while that she was attracted to the Borg, but who wasn’t? That biosuit left very little to the imagination; she might as well wear nothing but revealing panties. From perfect tits straining the fabric, to a pussy with full lips visible against fabric, the slit begging for oral attention, some days it was hard not to throw her to the deck and shag her right there. Add to that the levels of passion the blonde could bring out in B’Elanna and she had to channel all her lust into anger or else she WOULD be teaching the horizontal folk dance to the Captain’s woman.

B’Elanna sighed. For the third time in a half hour, the computer reported Seven’s position as stationary within the tubes. Finally, she gripped her Klingon courage and went out to see what had bugged the blonde. She crawled into the tubes and found Seven at the end of a juncture crying.

“Seven? What’s wrong?” B’Elanna asked gently.

“The Captain tried to initiate copulation with me,” Seven answered.

“And?” B’Elanna asked, figuring they did that all the time.

“I do not wish to have sex with Captain Janeway! She is like a mother to me! I am not attracted to her!” Seven spat out.

“Oh,” B’Elanna responded with surprise. “Uh … I’m sorry.”

“I will never have the woman I want,” Seven wailed.

“Why not?” B’Elanna asked, not really wanting to hear who it was.

“Because you are not attracted to me,” Seven cried harder.

B’Elanna sat there stunned. “Can you repeat that?”

“I said you are not attracted to me,” Seven mumbled.

“You’re wrong you know,” B’Elanna said. Seven looked up at that and pinned B’Elanna with a stare.

“Please do not lie to me,” Seven said.

“I’m not. In fact, come back to my quarters with me and I’ll show you,” she said with a smile.

Vexan really appreciated these two. So it decided to follow them there by appearing just where it needed to be.

The two women came in the door minutes later. B’Elanna immediately pulled Seven into a passionate kiss. She led Seven back to her bedroom slowly and asked how to remove the biosuit. Seven started it for her, but B’Elanna took over wanting to undress the blonde herself. Seven was happily undressing the smaller woman too. They fell into bed together with ravenous desire, touching each other, kissing and loving with wonder.

They spent hours teaching each other new delights. First B’Elanna showed Seven the wonderful world of cunniligus. She sucked on every bit of the blonde’s vulva, worshipping the glorious mons, licking the labia clean, torturing a hard clitoris (“No I do not have a Borg enhanced clitoris” laughed at one point) that B’Elanna learned was spectacularly sensitive. She thrust her tongue into the blonde’s vagina until the Borg screamed with delight and came in her mouth. Thank god for the emergency shock absorbers B’Elanna had installed on the bed! Because when Seven came she was a bucking bronco! Seven caught on quickly and immediately permutated her education into a sixty-niner. B’Elanna thought that she had an endless tongue! The blonde, licked and sucked and chewed like a pro! The next lesson was in hand jobs, and boy did the blonde love penetration. Who knew the Borg would be so insatiable? B’Elanna’s arm began to tire as she banged into the sweet mound for endless orgasms. However, she got a rest when Seven caught a second wind, and turned the tables nicely. She growled into B’Elanna’s ear and talked dirty in a guttural voice, bonking B’Elanna’s lights out for orgasm after orgasm. In between they would kiss, or talk, but it never lasted long. B’Elanna had become addicted to Seven’s cunt, and Seven seemed addicted to B’Elanna’s nipples.

After the 89th position and the first 100 orgasms, Seven suggested a break. Actually she said they should “consume nutritional supplements” and B’Elanna told her to “Just say you have they munchies.” B’Elanna served Banana Pancakes with whipped cream on top, which Seven adored. Seven told B’Elanna she would never eat leola root stew again. B’Elanna laughed and showed her an alternate use for whip cream. (“You definitely cannot do /this/ with leola root stew!” Seven exclaimed)

B’Elanna decided to bring out her favorite toy, “The Penetrator.” Along with a large bottle of industrial strength lubricant, she found out that Seven /really/ adored penetration. And, surprisingly, dirty talk… especially in Klingon.

She had Seven pinned over the arm of the couch ass in the air, and was teaching her the joys of anal love with her toy and growling into her ear “choSuvchugh ‘oy’lIj Daghur neh” {Struggling only makes it hurt worse} and the blonde was howling in delight.

Suddenly some strange blonde woman B’Elanna had never seen before came sailing into B’Elanna’s quarters and screeched. “What did you do to my Delta Flyer?! And when did you started fucking the Borg?!!”

B’Elanna wanted to rip this woman’s head off! Who the hell was she? What was she talking about.. oh hell, she didn’t even care what she was talking about. “I don’t know WHO you are but you have two seconds to GET OUT ASSHOLE! If I have to stop what I’m doing you are dead!”

“Don’t stop! Don’t stop!” the blonde pleaded. “Oh PLEASE don’t stop!!!”

“Oh yeah! HIja' 'Iv 'oH lIj ghajwI'? Soh ‘oH!” B’Elanna growled into Seven’s ear while continuing to pump her. Yet, she was also straining to reach the kut’luch on the table near her with her fingertips. “Whoever you are! LEAVE!! Or prepare to DIE!” She managed to get the kut’luch in between her fingertips and smiled ferally, growling.

“I’m Tom! Your EX! HellllllooOOooo!” the female said.

B’Elanna looked at her as if she lost her mind. She threw the kut’luch next to the blonde woman’s head as a final warning and, oddly the woman got that same stupid look that Tom used to get. Suddenly, Seven was coming with a soprano scream and to top it all off the captain, Tuvok and some strange gray mist all came through the door. The captain immediately fainted and split her head, leaving a nasty gash.

“Kahless! jiH ‘oh bangwI!” Seven exclaimed. “But would you mind coming out for a while?” she asked, not even realizing her audience. She was flopped bonelessly over the couch arm facing away from the door. B’Elanna leaned down and kissed a nearby shoulder, then bit into it, using the pain as a distraction as she pulled the giant dildo out of Seven’s ass. She leaned down, picked up the blonde and lay her down more comfortably on the couch. She then reached over for a blanket off the back of the couch, and covered the beauty.

Then she turned in full Klingon rage, giant dildo swaying every time she moved, but otherwise buck naked, with her hands on her hips. She roared at the top of her lungs, “WOULD SOMEONE EXPLAIN WHY I HAVE HALF THE COMMAND CREW WATCHING ME HAVE SEX!?”

Tuvok had woken the captain (and that would have woken her anyway probably) and he stood there with as much Vulcan aplomb as he could muster after the day he had. He had seen his captain trying to rut two officers, then he himself had raped his commander, he had the tips of his ears removed to actually remove attached parasitic aliens, and finally he had just witnessed a scene which made his pon farr look tame. He said “We have experienced an alien incursion. The alien is somewhere in your quarters.”

Finally Vexan knew it was in big trouble. It shifted out of phase away from it’s isolinear spanner disguise on the table and quivered in three different dimensions

“Vexan you have caused this ship much trouble, and you killed another mortal. Luckily its spirit was still nearby so I could recreate its body and put it back,” the pulsing gray cloud next to the captain thundered at the new cloud hovering over B’Elanna’s table.

“So that is Tom!?” B’Elanna snorted, then howled with laughter. “Hey buddy, you got his sex wrong!”

“My apologies,” the gray cloud said. “I cannot change it now.”

Tom just now looked down, and for the first time realized he was now a she. He, or /SHE/, pulled her pants away from her stomach and wailed, “WINKY?”

The Captain and Tuvok just ignored him. B’Elanna sat down and snuggled with the blonde.

“Vexan, release these two from whatever bond you put upon them,” Mexan (the gray cloud) said.

“I didn’t have to touch these two! They did it all on their own. They were definitely the most fun mortals I have ever watched!” Vexan responded.

Mexan examined the two women’s mind briefly and found no trace of Vexan’s touch. “Very well. Captain Janeway, I apologize once again. I cannot undo the damage, but I can provide you with a little help. Please enjoy your short lives.” Then the two clouds disappeared.

Janeway’s com badge chirped. “Captain?” Chakotay’s voice came through.

“Go ahead,” Janeway responded.

“Somehow we’ve just traveled to the edge of the Klingon Empire.” Chakotay answered.

“guh.” Was all that Janeway could say.

Finally, Tuvok answered, “Captain Janeway is on her way to the bridge, Commander.” The Vulcan grabbed Janeway’s hand and slapped the woman’s com badge with it. Tuvok rounded the Tom woman and the Captain out of B’Elanna’s quarters, turning back before the door closed. “I apologize for our interruption, Lieutenant, Seven. I suspect we will be having a staff meeting in a few hours. I would suggest rest … and showers … before then.” Then he strode away before either could answer.

B’Elanna held Seven closely. “You ok?”

Seven purred. “Oh yes. But I have to ask … What is this?” she pulled out a stuff targ doll.

“He’s Toby!” B’Elanna answered with a smile. Seven just snickered. They sat in a comfortable silence. Finally, B’Elanna said, “I need to teach you two more things Seven.” Seven merely raised her brow. “The joy of a hot bath together afterwards, and a full body massage.” She beamed.

“hmmmm,” Seven responded. “Very well.”

They stood from they couch and head to the ensuite hand in hand. Neither of them saw Toby wink.


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