DISCLAIMER: Not mine. Never were. Not making any $$. Don't HAVE any $$. Don't sue.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: My first SoN fic. I haven't seen all the episodes; so, bear with me while I learn the characters.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
SPOILERS: All but mostly 'Friends with Benefits'.

Down to One
By Aeryn Sun

111.

Spencer stalked across the quad, her vision hazy with rage. Another night of nightmares suffered by Ashley had given her little sleep and set her on edge. She was beyond pissed off at the situation and planned on asking the questions she knew needed to be asked whether anyone liked it or not. Ashley had stayed home, despite Spencer's begging that she attend school but the brunette would not be swayed, staying curled under the covers. Spencer had contemplated staying with her for a while but her inner rage, her demand and need for justice had made her leave with her brother that morning.

She spotted her prey a few feet away and charged.

"Bastard!" she screamed, shoving Aiden roughly with enough force to send him sprawling onto his ass. It was still early and there weren't many people in the open area, dark clouds sending most of them indoors. The tall boy looked back at the enraged blonde in confusion.

"What the fuck, Spencer?" he breathed, standing up slowly. He was hurt, emotionally because he never thought that Spencer would attack him like that. He knew that she was upset; she had been on edge for awhile and Ashley's disappearing act had made it even worse. He also knew that she was the one responsible for Madison's injuries a little while ago even if he didn't know or understand the reasons behind it. The Latina deserved it for a lot of things so he didn't question it. But seeing and feeling her attack him made his insides burn with betrayal.

Spencer was watching him, her normally beautiful blue eyes almost black with unnatural anger.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" she demanded, hands clenched into fists and breathing hard. "Why didn't you ever notice? How could you call yourself her friend?" Aiden frowned.

"Spence, what are you talking about?" He flinched when Spencer punched him hard in the chest and took a few steps back.

"Don't you fucking call me 'Spence'," she hissed. "My friends call me that and I don't think you qualify. You have no idea what it's like to be someone's friend. If you did then it wouldn't have happened!"

"What wouldn't have happened, Spence...er..." he corrected himself quickly.

"Everyday," she started lowly, her voice shaking. "You saw her everyday and never noticed. How could you not notice? I noticed and I've only known her a short time. You call yourself her friend, her ex, her pal and you never said anything to stop it."

"Stop what?" he asked, growing impatient. He paused and then gasped. "What happened to Ashley?" He knew that the only thing that would upset Spencer this much was if something was wrong with her girlfriend.

"Did you know?" Spencer screeched. "Tell me the truth, Aiden, did you know and just chose to ignore it, ignore HER?"

"Know what, Spencer? What is going on? Why are you so angry at me?" Aiden questioned, his own anger starting to overcome his hurt. The blonde started to pace in front of him, her motions somewhat quick and jerky. It reminded Aiden of the time when he was twelve and his Dad took him to the zoo. One of the tigers was sick, just lying in the grass lethargically. The other tiger was acting just like Spencer was now; jittery and dangerous. It was shocking to see the usually affable girl behaving that way.

"Ashley. Did you honestly not know what was happening to her?" Spencer demanded. Aiden frowned, a cold creeping feeling settling deep in the pit of his stomach.

"What are you talking about?" he asked calmly. Spencer stopped pacing and stared at him, her blue eyes hard, burning a hole into his brown.

"Did you know Ashley's mother beat her?" Spencer's voice was low, cold. It made Aiden shiver to hear. He shook his head in disbelief.

"Beat? No, Spencer. That can't be right..." Spencer tilted her head to the side, her lips curling into a sneer.

"Beat her, Aiden. Since childhood. You mean to tell me that you never noticed?" She was clearly mocking him now, daring him to deny knowledge and proclaim his innocence so that she could pounce and tear him apart.

"Spencer, I don't..." he started. "I mean, Ashley never said...I mean, sure, as a kid she was banged up a lot but all kids are like that, even I was."

"So you did notice?" her voice was clear, dark. Aiden swallowed hard and nodded.

"Sure I did. It was hard not to. She'd be absent from school for a week or so and then show up kinda banged up, skittish. She'd say that she'd gotten thrown from her horse or tripped on the stairs; the kinda shit kids do. I never thought it was anything else..."

"Liar!" Spencer growled, shoving him again and following it up with another punch, this one to his belly, knocking the wind from his lungs. "You knew and yet you did nothing," she raged, her voice a low hiss. "Her best friend, her boyfriend, father of her child and you let it, all of it, happen." She went to punch him a third time but Aiden caught her wrists and held her, tears falling down both their faces.

"Spencer, stop," he called to her as she fought against him. "I'm sorry. I should have known but I was just a kid too. I should have seen but I didn't. I'm sorry. I am so so sorry."

"They beat her! Did horrible things to her and no one stopped it! No one helped!" Spencer sobbed, her anger giving way to anguish. She knew that Ashley didn't want the truth broadcast but her own anger at Aiden over not noticing or speaking up at some point had overridden her ability to keep the secrets. She needed someone to blame and since she couldn't get her angry hands on Mrs. Davies or the faceless party-goers who helped abuse her love, she directed it at Aiden.

There were times lately when she was out in public and she looked at someone around Mrs. Davies age that she wondered 'did they participate? Is that one of the people who abused Ashley?' and had to fight down the urge to attack strangers at the thought. Somewhere out there the people who had done this were living their lives, probably carefree and possibly doing it to someone else, some other innocent, wonderful child who couldn't get free or escape.

"She was just a little girl! No one helped her!" she collapsed against Aiden's chest, sobbing heavily while the dark boy simply held her, ignoring the sideways look that some people were giving them. He knew that there was nothing that he could say that would make it better. And somehow he also knew, without asking for details, that Spencer was telling the absolute truth. It made too much sense as far as Ashley was concerned. He wondered, sickly, what other unspeakable horrors had occurred to Ashley as a child. He didn't have the strength to ask though. Part of him wanted to remain ignorant and cling to the last fragile shred of his own innocence.

Spencer suddenly shoved the boy away and wiped at her face and eyes with her sleeve. She glared at Aiden, her anger redoubling and washing away her hurt.

"I'll help her now," she vowed, her voice low in a sort of warning. "No one is ever hurting her again. You watch. And the people who did this? They're going to pay."

112.

"Dad, can I talk to you for a second?" Glen asked as he walked into his father's study. Arthur looked up and watched his son shift on his feet and heard the conflicted, even upset tone of his voice. There was a dark shadow in the teens eyes and Arthur was immediately on edge.

(First Spencer and Ashley, now Glen. Lord, why do you delight in torturing my children?) he wondered to himself. The fact that Ashley had disappeared for two days only to reappear suddenly without explanation was bothering him and he hoped that his oldest son wasn't about to add to the girl's troubles.

"You know you can, son," he said, gesturing to a chair. "Sit down and tell me what's bothering you."

"I'm gonna stand," Glen nodded as he spoke and Arthur got the impression that he wasn't the one Glen was speaking to. "I'm too wound up. I need to walk around and talk." Arthur stayed quiet, letting his son work his way through whatever his problem was.

It annoyed Paula to no end, but Arthur was the sort of parent that liked to guide his children through their problem solving instead of instructing them on what to do. He felt that they learned better from solving things for themselves and that it would make them stronger, more self-assured adults. Paula preferred to tell her children what to do based on what she wanted them to do and not what was best for them. It had caused more than one clash between the married couple but Arthur stuck by it, knowing that showing trust and faith in his children was one of the best gifts he could give them.

"Dad, you know how Ashley's been living here for a while and everything?" Glen asked. Arthur nodded although Glen was examining the nearby bookcase and not actually looking at him.

"She didn't get into a fist fight at a club a while back, did she?" The tone of Glen's voice told Arthur that the boy already knew the answer to that so he stayed quiet. The teen was tracing his fingers over the leather binding of a large psychology text on the shelf as he spoke. He let out a heavy sigh and finally looked at his father.

"Right?" he asked. Arthur took a deep breath.

"Glen, that…that's something that is personal and between Ashley and Spencer. They trusted me with it and I will not betray their confidence." Glen shook his head.

"Dad, I'm not…I'm not asking you to tell me what's going on," he said, still troubled. "I'm just trying to figure things out and I need you to help me."

"All right, Glen," Arthur agreed. "What's on your mind?" Glen looked away, beginning his pacing again.

"To be honest, I kinda knew that she didn't get hurt in some bar fight; not by the way you and then Mom were acting, fighting. Besides, I don't think that even you would let Ashley stay here, never mind in Spencer's room, if she'd just been involved in some random fight. I mean, I'm not stupid; I knew something more was up, especially after Mom left over the whole thing. A stupid bar fight wouldn't be worth ruining your marriage over..."

"Did you talk to Ashley or Spencer about this?" Arthur asked. Glen grunted and shook his head.

"Spencer's mad at me for the way I acted when I found out about…her and Ashley," he explained, ashamed.

"Can you blame her?" Arthur asked softly, having heard the story from Spencer during an angry rant of hers. She'd been deeply hurt by her brother. Glen ran a hand through his unruly blonde hair and hung his head.

"No…no I can't," he sighed, ashamed. "I acted like an ass and I was mean to Ashley. I don't blame either of them for hating me right now."

"OK, did you try to apologize to either of them?"

"No…well, I went to, a little while back," Glen said, his voice becoming dark. "Right before I broke up with Madison."

Arthur waited patiently for his son to speak. Glen hadn't mentioned his reasons why he broke up with the Latina yet and Arthur was curious. He hoped in some way it was because of the girl's unrelenting dislike of Ashley and by extension Spencer. Maybe it was the first step in the young man's journey to accepting his sister for who she was. Whatever the reason, at the moment, Glen was clearly deeply disturbed by something that he was unable or unsure how to handle.

"You know that Spencer broke her nose, right?" Glen asked. Arthur sighed. Spencer had explained her actions that day and while he did not condone them, he understood them.

"Yes," he said simply.

"She broke two of Madison's fingers too," Glen continued. Arthur's eyebrow raised in surprise, not knowing that bit of information himself. Glen was now looking out the window and missed the momentary look of surprise on his father's face.

"So, I was pissed; how dare my sister attack my girlfriend when she herself was seeing Ashley? When she was a lesbian?"

"Glen…" Arthur began, not wanting Glen to go on an anti-gay rant. He hoped that the boy would eventually come around to accepting his sister and Ashley but was beginning to doubt that it was going to happen anytime soon.

"No, Dad, hear me out," Glen interrupted, shooting him a quick glance. Arthur nodded and fell silent.

"I was pissed seeing how Spencer got all angry at me for confronting Ashley about their relationship. Then she turns around and physically attacks Madison. It just didn't seem right."

"So then I asked Mad what Spencer said when she attacked; and Madison bragged that she'd told Spencer a truth that she didn't want to hear so she hit her. I mean, Dad, she gloated in this totally self-satisfied way. I knew she was self-centered and liked to get little digs in at people. I don't like it but whatever, it's Madison. But the way her eyes lit up, she was so proud of what she had done. It bothered me."

"So I asked her what she told Spencer. I was kinda worried about what she might have said, especially now that everyone pretty much knows about Spencer and Ashley. I mean, I don't…didn't like that they were together but Spence is still my little sister and I don't want anyone saying stuff about her, you know?"

"Yes, Glen, I understand," Arthur smiled. "You're her big brother, you and Clay both are. And you're protective of her. It's totally understandable. But a part of that is accepting Spencer for who she is and that person is in love with Ashley." Glen nodded.

"Yeah, I see that now," he agreed. He looked at his father and then moved to sit in the chair that had been offered earlier. He buried his head in his hands and continued to talk.

"So I asked. And Madison said she told Spencer a secret about Ashley. Naturally I was curious, cuz like you said, I'm protective of my little sister. Madison then grinned this smile that I swear, Dad, made my blood turn cold. It was so evil."

"Anyway, she smiled and said that she effectively destroyed Spencer and Ashley; that there was no way Spence would stay with 'that whore Ashley' as she called her, now that she knew the truth. It really bothered me, Dad. That Madison took such a pleasure in hurting my sister."

"Is that why you broke up with her?" Arthur asked. Glen shook his head.

"No…no I did that after…God, Dad," Glen looked up, his blue eyes cloudy and a bit watery. Arthur frowned.

"What, Glen? What is it?"

"I…I went to Spencer's room that night; I wanted to talk to her and Ashley," the teen started. "And I…overheard something I shouldn't have."

"Glen…"

"A secret, Dad. A horrible, dark and hideous secret that I had no right to overhear. And that Madison had absolutely no right to go repeating to other people, even Spencer, if Ashley didn't want her to know." Glen's voice had turned hard, his anger and disgust towards his now former girlfriend giving it an edge.

"I couldn't believe that she took such a perverse pleasure in someone's pain; in Ashley's pain. I was disgusted and hurt and I felt betrayed," he growled.

"So you broke up with her," Arthur finished for him. Glen nodded.

"Yeah, I don't wanna be with someone that would use such a thing like that as a weapon. I mean, it's like she doesn't even have a soul or something."

"Glen, what did you hear?" Arthur asked. Glen bit his lip.

"Have they told you anything?" Glen countered. "I know that the bruises and stuff were caused by Ashley's mother so don't even lie to me about that. But other than that, and you don't have to tell me what they said, but have they told you anything else?" Arthur shook his head.

"No, Glen, they haven't," he replied honestly, a little bothered by what his son was telling him and the girl's weren't coming to him with.

"Then I'm sorry Dad, but I won't betray their confidence either. Even though they don't know that I know. I just…I don't know what to do now, Dad. I'm upset, and hurt…I wanna hurt someone and make them feel the way I felt when I overheard Ashley and Spencer. Make someone understand how Ashley must feel and make it so people don't bother her anymore, especially at school. I don't know…I'm so confused and…angry."

"Have you tried talking to the girls?" Arthur wondered.

"No…I don't want them to get madder at me," Glen shrugged. "I wanna fix things, Dad. For both of them but I feel…"

"Powerless?" Arthur supplied.

"Yeah."

"Look, Glen, I don't know what's going on; I can only hope that soon Spencer and Ashley will come to me and talk to me about it. Whatever it is it sounds big and I'm sorry that you and they have to go through it. I want to help but I understand why you don't want to tell me what Ashley's secret is."

"It's Ashley's secret to tell, Dad. Not mine. Madison already betrayed her and I will not be someone else who hurts her. Never again," Glen said firmly. Arthur smiled.

"I'm sure she would appreciate knowing that you're there for her, Glen. So will Spencer. So why don't you go talk to them, apologize for the things you might have said or done?"

"Do you really think they'll listen to me?" Glen asked his face full of hope.

"If you're sincere and are going to accept them…"

"I do," Glen interrupted. "I understand now. Ashley's not just using Spencer and they really do care about each other. And I understand a lot more about Ashley now too."

"Then go talk to them. You've got nothing to lose."

113.

"Spence?" Glen called softly from behind the door to his sister's room. It was slightly ajar and he could hear 'Fall Out Boy' playing softly so he knew at least one of the girls was there. "Can I come in?"

Spencer appeared at the door, an icy expression behind her normally warm blue eyes. Glen understood that he was what put that look there, the contempt for him so readable in his little sister's eyes was no one's fault but his own. In attacking Ashley both physically and verbally, he'd angered Spencer and driven a large wedge between them. He hated himself or his small-minded petty bigotry. His ignorance had cost him the close relationship he'd once shared with his little sister, something that Clay had warned him about.

"What do you want, Glen?" she snapped. "If you're here for another shot at Ashley..." Glen put his hands up in surrender but Spencer was too angry to notice. "I think we've had enough this week already. Make an appointment first."

"No, Spence, I swear," he said honestly. "If nothing else I just want a chance to apologize to her. To both of you." Spencer's eyes narrowed in suspicion but she nodded and opened the door.

Ashley was curled up on her side, a stuffed dog in her arms watching Glen enter the room with tired eyes. He could tell that she hadn't been sleeping; the dark circles under her eyes were evidence enough. Along with the new bruises and cuts that had appeared when Spencer returned her to the house, the small teen looked horrible, worn out. He walked in and sat at Spencer's computer desk.

"Well?" Spencer prompted, lying on the bed behind Ashley and spooning up against her, one arm draped protectively over the smaller girl's waist. She obviously didn't give a damn what Glen thought anymore and he noticed it immediately.

Glen took a moment to really look at them, to see them as people instead of as labels. He still saw two girls but beyond that he saw two people, happy and in love. At the present moment, their happiness was strained because of Ashley's mother and the awful things Ashley had endured but still, they were just two young people trying to get by as best they could; same as he was.

Looking at his sister and her girlfriend, he didn't see anything bad or evil like his mother and the Bible taught him. He didn't see anything freaky or disgusting about it like how Madison always made it out to be. Taking the time to actually think for himself and really look, he just saw Spencer and Ashley. It was different yes, and a little strange to see his sister wrapped around another girl but he also found it sweet.

(They look so good together) he decided, a small pang of jealousy thumping him in the chest. He hoped that one day he'd find someone worth fighting for like what Spencer had with Ashley. He wanted that same chance at such a deep love.

"First, I...uh...wanted to say that I'm sorry, Ashley. For treating you like I have," he blurted out. He almost laughed at the stunned look on the brunette's face. "I was so wrong to never give you a chance, to shut you out like I did. And I was so beyond wrong to attack you that day at school or in the backyard."

"I should have never called you the names that I did or say that you didn't really care about Spencer. It's obvious that you do. I can see that you aren't going to just use her and throw her away like a broken toy. You genuinely care about her. And I see that now...well, I mean, I kinda always saw it but I just didn't want to accept that my sister was...gay, you know?"

Ashley looked at him thoughtfully for a moment and then nodded.

"Not that I don't appreciate the apology, Glen," she said softly. "Cuz, believe me I do. Not having to worry about what you might do next is a big weight offa my shoulders but, why the sudden change of heart?" Glen bit his lip and sighed.

"A lot of reasons," he said hesitantly. "I was hurting Spencer by acting the way I was and that's not how a brother should act..."

"You should have been supportive," Spencer shot out. "It was hard enough dealing with the fact that I'm gay but you made it so much worse by treating me so badly..."

"I'm sorry," Glen whispered hanging his head and feeling the bitter sting of tears.

"You made me feel like you hated me," Spencer continued, getting it all off her chest now that she had the opportunity. Never before had her brother betrayed her they way he did when she came out and started dating Ashley. It had hurt her very deeply.

"You made it seem that loving Ashley was somehow wrong or dirty when is so isn't. You betrayed me, Glen."

"I know and I'm so very sorry," her brother wept. "I just...I was scared and confused."

"So was Spencer," Ashley pointed out. "What makes now so different?"

"Now I get that Spencer is still Spencer; that you love each other and everything Madison said about you, Ashley, is wrong."

"Pretty much anything that twit says is wrong," Ashley added, breaking some of the tension that had built up in the room.

"Thanks, Glen," Spencer said somewhat relieved at the situation. At least if Glen was more accepting it would ease some of the stress on both her and Ashley. "But this doesn't get you off the hook entirely, you know." Glen nodded.

"Yeah, no, I understand. I was a real jerk and you have every right to still be angry. I just want you to know how sorry I am for everything, all the shit I put you both through."

"Hey, you were just trying to protect Spencer," Ashley told him understandingly. She wasn't going to hold his badly executed but in all honestly well intentioned actions against him when he was so obviously apologetic. "I totally understand that."

Glen looked at Ashley with such an intense stare that she felt the hairs on the back of her arms stand on end. She'd never seen him look so...determined before.

"And now I'm going to protect you both," he declared. "From everything." There was something in the boy's gaze that made Ashley's blood run cold. In that instant, she knew that Glen somehow knew everything, all the horrible things that she only recently admitted to Spencer, Glen knew.

"You know," she gasped, her voice nothing more than a broken whimper. "You know..." she repeated sadly. She felt Spencer's arm around her waist tighten in comfort. Glen sadly nodded his head.

"Yeah, Ash, I do," he confessed.

"Jesus Fucking Christ, Glen Michael," Spencer growled as Ashley started to softly sob. "What the hell is the matter with you?"

"I didn't mean to overhear, Spencer, I swear," Glen quickly defended. "I came to your room the other night after we got back from Universal studios so that we could maybe talk and...I overheard. I'm sorry."

Ashley began to cry harder, fear that her secret was about to get out overwhelming her. Spencer sat up and pulled the crying girl into her lap, whispering reassurances and trying to shush her. It seemed the harder she tried to calm Ashley, the more she cried.

Ashley jumped when another set of hands gently wiped the falling tears from her cheeks and opened her eyes to look into Glen's tear stained face.

"I'm sorry I ease dropped on a private talk," he said gently. "But I am not sorry that I know. Madison was wrong to use that against you; she's sick and I'm glad to be rid of her." Ashley just sniffled at him pathetically.

"I spent so much time trying to protect Spencer from you, your 'bad influence' that I didn't even see what a monster my own girlfriend was. And I couldn't see what a great person you are, Ashley." Ashley shook her head in protest, feeling dirty and vulnerable like she had been ever since telling Spencer everything.

"You are Ashley," Spencer agreed, her anger at her brother's confession quickly turning to gratitude as he tried to help calm her girlfriend.

"She's right, Ashley," Glen told her, his voice thick with conviction. "You are strong, smart, beautiful and brave. And I am so jealous that my sister so totally bagged the hotter babe."

To their relief, Ashley giggled slightly.

"Look, Ash, I swear to you that I will never breathe a word of this to another living soul as long as I live. I will not break your confidence. I know I've been a real ass and not someone either of you could come to for help or to talk to but...I am now. No one is ever going to hurt you again, Ashley. They'll have to go through me first."

"Really?" Ashley wondered in a small voice. She'd never had anyone talk to her like that before. She knew that Spencer and her father were there for her, no questions asked. But Glen vowing to protect her without wanting anything in return seemed surreal to her.

"You're my little sister too now," Glen smiled at her. "It's about someone looked out for you other than Spencer. Besides, it's what big brother's do!"

"Glen," Spencer began, tears welling up in her eyes at her brother's words. "Thank you." Glen shook his head.

"No, don't thank me. I made this whole situation even worse for you two and I need to fix that. Give me a chance and I swear that you won't regret it." Ashley sat up and enveloped the boy in a tight hug.

"Thanks," she whispered, ignoring his request for no gratitude. She kissed him lightly on the cheek. "I've never had a big brother before. Or any brother, really."

"It's not that great," Spencer joked. "They invade your space, get you into trouble and download porn onto your computer."

"Spencer!" Glen protested, blushing profusely. He looked at Ashley. "OK, once," he admitted. "But only that one time!"

114.

"Did I ever tell you about Murphy?" Ashley asked late at night a few days later. She was still refusing to go to school and Spencer was bringing her work home to her although getting the insanely depressed brunette to actually do the work was a struggle. Spencer shifted onto her side from her back and Ashley scooted so that she was no longer on the blonde's shoulder, instead now they were laying face to face. Spencer could see the shadows, figurative and literal in her girlfriend's eyes and swallowed the sigh that threatened to leak past her lips.

Since the night that Ashley had returned to the house, Spencer watched the older girl spiral back down into a dark depression, the same one which she'd hoped she was slowly bringing her out of until Madison rattled her cage like she had. It hurt her heart to watch the vibrant, intelligent and outgoing girl shrink back into herself like she was, shutting everyone, even Spencer to a small extent out.

"Your well loved, well worn Pound Puppy?" Spencer teased lightly, tapping the stuffed toy in question on the nose. He was being held tightly, alongside his doppelganger, Scooter in Ashley's thin arms. The smaller girl gave a small smile that faded far too quickly for Spencer's taste and nodded.

"Yeah. There's a reason why I still have him," she said softly. Her chocolate eyes drifted away from Spencer's azure and focused on some point on that wall to Spencer's right. "See, there was no one I could talk to growing up. I mean, yeah I had friends, like Aiden..."

Rage flowed through the blonde at the mention of the tall jock and the reminder of Ashley's horrible childhood. Spencer still felt that he should have done something, said something and tried to spare her girlfriend some of the agony that she'd experienced as a child. Spencer held him accountable for the things that were done to Ashley even if it was only because he kept what he saw to himself. She felt that his silence equaled acceptance of what was happening and that by saying nothing, he was just as guilty as any of the partygoers.

"But I could never say anything to them," Ashley went on. "It wasn't like I could take Aiden aside and say 'this is what's happening; help me'..."

"He saw, Ashley and he chose to say nothing," Spencer growled. Ashley shrugged blankly.

"Whatever," she sighed. "Can't change it now. Anyway, I was alone; Dad was always gone, the staff changed all the time so there was no one to get close to...it was just me, myself and I. I'm not sure if you've noticed, Spence, but I'm not always the best company to have." A tiny smirk twitched Ashley's full lips making Spencer smile in return.

"You are too," she protested gently. Ashley met her eyes for a moment, her expression amused before she looked away again.

"I'm trouble when I have too much time on my hands and too much shit in my head, we both know that," she reminded her girlfriend. "Gasoline and fire. Not a good combo. But there I was with no one to talk to about...about the things I was experiencing. I was scared, hurt, angry, ashamed...all these things bouncing around my head and I needed to tell someone before I exploded." Spencer nodded, understanding where Ashley was probably going with the story.

"So, you told Murphy," she offered quietly. Ashley nodded.

"Dad gave him to me and well, he was always there, never judging me for the things I said or had to do," Ashley explained with a disgusted shudder. "He just sat quietly and listened. Plus, I knew that Murphy would never tell another living soul what I told him. Sure, he might tell some of my My Pretty Ponies, but I knew that they could keep a secret too. He made me feel safe and not so...alone."

"That's why out of everything you had, Murphy was still on your bed?" Spencer asked, knowing the answer. Ashley nodded and hugged the stuffed animal tightly to her chest.

"I've always had enough money to have anything I wanted; it was never about that. Murphy was...is special. He's my confidant and the one constant that I had. So when you gave me Scooter, I loved it," Ashley whispered. "You didn't know what Murphy meant to me, really but you'd noticed him and could see that he was important to me. Suddenly, I realized that Murphy wasn't the only person I had on my side anymore. I had...you." Spencer grinned at the older girl, knowing how hard it was for her to admit such vulnerabilities.

"And Scooter," she reminded her. Ashley's eyes refocused on her as she returned to the present and she smiled slightly.

"And Scooter," she echoed, finally giving Spencer a genuine smile that made the blonde's heart flip. Spencer leaned in, risking a tentative kiss, not knowing what sort of mood as far as physicality Ashley was in and was rewarded with a deeper kiss in return.

"You can still kiss me and stuff, Spence," Ashley whispered, seeming to read Spencer's mind and her insecurities. The younger girl nodded and leaned in for another, longer and hotter embrace. It was several moments before they separated again, this time only because oxygen was needed on both parts.

"Mmm, I've missed that," Ashley murmured. Spencer nodded her agreement and felt her desire for her girlfriend race through her veins, burning hot. The usually repressed side of her, the one that had claimed Ashley in the shower that first weekend together and that had surfaced on a few occasions over the time they'd been together was screaming at her to take Ashley, reclaim her and erase the doubts that they were both secretly harboring over whether or not they were going to be able to weather this situation.

It wasn't that they doubted their love for one another so much as the reality of Ashley's past was casting a shadow over their happiness. They both worried but for different reasons. Spencer worried over whether or not Ashley would recover; Ashley worried over whether or not Spencer would be able to accept this truth about the things she'd had to do as a child.

Spencer swallowed thickly, her heart thundering in her chest as she gazed lovingly at the older girl. She wanted Ashley; wanted to love her and to soothe all the pain she kept bottled inside. She also wanted to be hard and fast and erase everything else, make Ashley hers even though she knew, intellectually that she already was.

Get a grip, Carlin! she chastised herself angrily. Ashley doesn't need that right now. She needs patience and understanding, not a hard fucking.

She shook her head and then smiled warmly at the brunette.

"Me too," she agreed. She watched a small frown mar Ashley's appearance but before she could ask what caused it, it was gone. Ashley turned onto her back and sighed.

"Night, Spence," she said softly. Spencer kissed her on the cheek and then snuggled in, nuzzling the slender neck near her face.

"Night," she responded, closing her eyes. She missed the shame-filled tears that hovered on her girlfriend's lashes but refused to fall out of stubborn pride. Ashley had seen Spencer's eyes darken and the flash of want and desire that crossed them. She wanted the same thing, to be reclaimed by her lover and the way it made her feel safe and loved. But instead, she had watched Spencer suppress it and it made her stomach hurt.

She's disgusted by me, she thought dejectedly. I've lost everything now, even Spencer's love. I have nothing; I am nothing. There's nothing left.

115.

Spencer noticed over the next few days that Ashley was still sullen and withdrawn. She didn't initiate any intimacy, even so much as kissing although she did reciprocate when Spencer started it. However, most of the time, Ashley was silent and incredibly un-Ashley-like. She wasn't even remotely excited to hear that her father was coming to visit, instead she just shrugged when her father's manager called to tell her the news and said she'd believe it when she saw it.

So she was pleasantly shocked when Raife Davies appeared on the Carlins' doorstep the following weekend. She was even more surprised to see the young brunette he had with him.

"Ashley! Baby!" he gushed as she opened the door, pulling her into a tight hug that made her instantly go stiff, not that he noticed. Spencer, who was standing beside the door did and hoped he let go of her soon.

"Hi Dad," Ashley said blandly when she was put back down. She glared at the strange brunette. "Is that this weeks 'Mom'? Shit, she looks younger than me." Raife looked over at the smaller girl and swallowed convulsively.

"Uhm, Ash, that's...I mean, her name is Kyla and she's..." he tried only to be cut off by a dismissive wave of his daughter's hand.

"I don't care who she is," Ashley snapped. "She'll just be replaced by a newer model next month. There's no point in getting to know her. Although I think you'll have to visit the nearby preschool to get one much younger but whatever. And why the hell are you dropping in like this?"

"I called him, Ashley," Arthur Carlin said from just behind her. She turned to look at her girlfriend's father in confusion.

"You called him? What for?" she wondered, hoping that it wasn't for the reason she thought it was. She had been trying, so hard, for years to keep the awful truth of what had occurred during her childhood from her father. If Spencer's dad went and told him everything, all her efforts were pointless.

She turned back to her own father and her heart sank. She could tell by the hurt and pain-filled expression in Raife's eyes that he knew; he knew everything and all her secrets were now bathing in the light, right where she didn't want them. She couldn't help the tiny whimper that crawled up from the back of her throat from finding its voice, startling her father and causing Spencer's arms to suddenly appear around her waist.

"Easy, baby," Spencer cooed softly in her ear, feeling the thin, recovering body in her arms start to tremble. "Easy." She silently guided Ashley over to one of the living room chairs and eased her into it. The shaking had grown worse and Spencer shot her father an unimpressed look.

"A little warning, Dad?" she hissed. Arthur hung his head as he sat across from where Spencer was kneeling in front of Ashley, trying to soothe her.

"I'm sorry, girls," Arthur offered sincerely. "I thought it was best he know what was going on, what had been going on now before the case against Ashley's mother went any further and hit the news. I didn't want to...upset Ashley if he didn't show up..."

"It wasn't your place!" Ashley raged, finding her voice and glaring as angrily at Arthur Carlin as anyone had ever seen her. Her eyes were dark and her face was red with anguish and anger. "It wasn't your place to tell ANYONE what you knew. You lied to me! I trusted you and you fucking LIED to me!"

"Ash..." Spencer tried. Ashley shook her head.

"No, just like everyone else in my fucking life, someone else lied to me!" she screamed, not caring who heard. "I thought you were different, Mr. C. I thought you were going to be the one person, one adult who wasn't going to hurt me in some way and fuck you, you did. You lied! I fucking hate you!" Arthur cringed, as if struck by the venom in Ashley's words.

"Ashley Nicole, you watch yourself," Raife suddenly spoke up. Ashley turned her glare onto him.

"Or what?" she taunted. "Or what, Daddy? You gonna punish me? That's fucking convenient, only a parent when it fucking suits you. God forbid you'd actually been around when I was a kid and could have I dunno, maybe stopped the whole fucking thing. But no, career first, Ashley never. You're just as bad as Mom in your own way so don't stand there, wallowing in your guilt over missing the whole fucking thing and have the balls to tell me to 'watch myself'."

"Ashley," Raife tried again, this time his tone contrite and beseeching.

"No, take this weeks little fuck toy and just leave!" She pointed at the door. "I got by just fine as a kid, despite everything, without you and I'll get through it now the same way. You do NOT get to swoop in here on your white fucking horse to fucking save me now and ease your conscience so you can sleep at night."

"Ashley, I didn't know," Raife whispered, tears streaming down his face. He looked at Spencer who was glaring back at him, almost as upset as Ashley was.

"You should have," the blonde said lowly. "She's your daughter and you knew, you fucking knew her mother beat her but you left her there with her. You're as much to blame for this whole mess, for everything that happened as her mother is."

"Spencer," Arthur snapped, trying to get her daughter's attention. This was not how he'd hoped this meeting would go. Intense blue eyes turned to look at him and he saw the rage his daughter kept tightly caged simmering beneath the surface. It frightened him to see such unbridled fury in his youngest child.

"I knew," Raife swallowed, his throat dry. "I knew Christine had a temper problem but she promised me..."

"She lied!" Ashley yelled, her eyes wet. "She fucking lied and what's worse is that you never asked me! You never once asked 'hey kid, is your mother hurting you?' because if you had...God, Dad, if only you had asked I would have said 'yes, Daddy, Mommy hurts me'." She collapsed back against the chair and put her head in her hands, the feel of Spencer's fingers running through her hair the only thing keeping her from bolting out of the house and running until she reached the Atlantic ocean.

"And that's not even the worst of it," she whispered so softly that she doubted anyone but Spencer, sweet Spencer who was whispering loving words and reassurances to her, even heard.

"Hush, Ash," Spencer soothed. She didn't want her girlfriend to have to go into all the graphic details that Raife was unaware of, especially not when she was as upset as she was at the moment. "Let's just go upstairs and let our Dads talk..." Red-rimmed, sorrow-filled eyes lifted to look at her, the pain there almost breaking Spencer's heart. She gave the upset girl a reassuring smile.

"Come on, baby," she encouraged, helping Ashley up out of the chair and not relinquishing hold of her hand as she glowered at the other people in the room. "Let's go snuggle and forget for a while." Her eyes lingered for a few seconds on the tiny brunette still standing, somewhat out of place, at the entry way to the living room. She looked oddly familiar and very remorseful. Spencer figured that she felt badly for being thrown into such a convoluted family mess.

"I'll talk with Raife about what's been going on and call you two down for supper later, all right, Spencer?" Arthur offered, his guilt coming across very clearly to his daughter. She nodded absently as she accompanied an eerily silent Ashley up the stairs.

She ignored the murmurs that followed her up the staircase as she settled Ashley down onto the bed and curled in behind her.

"He means well..." she tried a little later. Ashley shifted in her arms.

"Don't," she whispered. "Please, Spencer, just...don't." Spencer nodded against her girlfriend's back. At some point, both girls dozed off and were awakened by the mystery brunette calling them softly.

"Uhm...guys?" Kyla called. "Spencer? Ashley?" Spencer opened her eyes and blinked a few times, trying to focus.

"Yeah?" she rasped back, loving the feel of Ashley's warm body pressed tightly to her own. She saw Kyla eying them strangely and she felt her protective side beginning to get rankled.

"Uhm, your dad said dinner'll be ready in about ten minutes and sent me to get you," Kyla stuttered. "He thought it'd be easier on you two if I just came and got you." Spencer rubbed her eyes and nodded.

"We'll be right down once I wake her," she said. Kyla grunted some response that Spencer didn't catch and nearly fled from the room, leaving Spencer to roll her eyes. She could tell that Kyla was going to be a handful and she wasn't sure that she or Ashley were up to the challenge at that point.

"I smell lasagna," Ashley mumbled. Spencer giggled.

"Yeah, baby, dinnertime."

116.

Dinner was strained, if Spencer felt like understating the obvious which she didn't so she kept her opinion to herself. Even her father's legendary culinary skills weren't enough to cut the tension on both sides of the table. Whatever Arthur had told Raife had left the older musician devastated and hardly able to eat; Spencer knew getting Ashley to eat was a task even when she wasn't hit with surprise visits like she'd been that day. But, Spencer wasn't going to let anything prevent her from filling up on her dad's lasagna, which was her favorite and Kyla seemed to be eating just for something to do.

"My sons are busy with school activities," Arthur said as a way of filling the silence that was drowning them. "Glen had basketball practice and Clay had a Mathelete meeting. They should both be home within an hour or so." Raife nodded absently as he kept switching his gaze from Ashley to his plate. Ashley didn't lift her gaze from the small lump of meat and sauce she'd demolished with her fork. Spencer put her hand on her girlfriend's knee, looking to share her strength with her. Unseen by the others at the table, Ashley covered Spencer's hand with her own.

The small contact was enough to ease some, but not all, of Spencer's jitters. There was no way that she could see this dinner going well and she didn't want to see Ashley suddenly spill the contents of her past during a hurtful rage. Raife and her own father deserved to hear it, yes, but Spencer wanted to see it revealed in a calm, healthy setting. Somehow, she didn't see that on the horizon. And she didn't want to see Kyla, a complete stranger to all of them save Raife, given the information. The last thing Ashley needed was for it to end up on the front cover of The National Enquirer or OK! Magazine because some little groupie traveling with Raife Davies sold the story.

"So, Kyla, are you still in school?" Arthur asked, then coughed when someone, he suspected Spencer, who was glaring at him with huge eyes, kicked him hard in the shin. The small brunette in question jumped as if electrocuted and looked around wildly in fear. She paled considerably when she looked at Ashley who was glowering at her.

"Uhm...er, I...uh...I...yeah," she stammered, turning bright red. Ashley rolled her eyes and slammed her fork down onto the table making everyone jump.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Dad," she swore. "A fucking high school student? Honestly? I seriously thought you couldn't get any stupider than you already were, but dating a fucking teenager? How sad and pathetic a statement is that about your life? God, I bet the fucking tabloids love that." Spencer frowned.

(Wait, why haven't we seen it in the tabloids?) She wondered. (Usually Raife can't go anywhere without being followed by cameras. I've never seen or heard about Kyla...)

"Ashley, I," Raife started, his face paling as he spoke. "She's not..."

"You do know that no matter how young this weeks fuck toy is," Ashley growled, ignoring Spencer's hiss of her name to get her to stop swearing at the dinner table. She was too angry and hurt to edit herself. "You're still old, over the hill and washed up. Hitting that...someone young enough to be your daughter, while disgusting, isn't going to make you any younger."

"Ashley," Raife started again. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, seeking the right words.

"I'm not fucking him!" Kyla interrupted him, glaring hotly at Ashley. "God, you really are as hard-headed and self-centered as I'd heard, aren't you?"

"Fuck you, you stupid twit!" Ashley shot back, her fingers wrapped around the edge of the table, gripping it so tight they were turning white. "Nobody asked you your opinion so shut it! You shouldn't even be here. What's the matter, Dad, couldn't come see your little girl without some sort of backup?"

"Ashley," Spencer tried to get her girlfriend's attention unsuccessfully. The tiny hairs on the back of her neck were starting to stand on end like they did before a thunderstorm. She had a bad feeling something big was about to happen and there honestly wasn't much more she felt that Ashley could handle.

"No, really, why did you bring this little ankle biter with you?" Ashley raged, her knee bouncing up and down faster than a jackhammer. She was a bundle of kinetic energy that was slightly frightening to Spencer. The older girl was starting to resemble an angry caged animal or a swirling mass of storm clouds heading for land. Spencer had just gotten the brunette back into a semblance of her old self after she told Spencer the whole truth of the things she'd had to go through as a child and then disappeared for a few days. Ashley, while oddly less tactile than normal, was starting to be 'her' Ashley again. Spencer hoped that this impromptu visit from her dad didn't cause her to backtrack.

"I mean, as far as the Carlins' are concerned, I'm family," Ashley went on, glancing at Spencer and then Arthur for confirmation. Both facial expressions assured her that she was indeed right. Somehow it managed to calm her, but only slightly. "And sure, you eventually needed to know some of the things Mom put me through when I was little but what business is it of hers? Couldn't you have left the little groupie wherever you found her? I'm sure that there's a chocolate factory along the way that could have used another midget."

"I am not an Oompa Loompa!" Kyla contested, insulted. She stood up to better glare at Ashley.

"Oompa Loompa doopa de de!" Ashley sneered back, in tune and standing to match her.

"Ashley, stop," Spencer implored. The two brunette girls continued to glare at each other hotly, neither backing down. Spencer saw how badly this was going to play out and looked beseechingly at her father. She shook her head, mouthing 'please, not now' at him but all he could do was look remorseful and shrug. Sadly, they both knew there was nothing either could do to stop the train wreck currently in progress at the dinner table.

"No, Spencer, she doesn't belong here!" Ashley went on, oblivious to the silent communication going on between the Carlins. "It's bad enough that my Dad knows the kind of shit I've had to go through but her? I don't want every little gold-digging, air-headed brat that attaches itself to my father's underbelly trying to suck him dry to know my business..."

"I'm your sister, not a remora fish!" Kyla screamed, stunning everyone, even Raife. Ashley's jaw dropped for a moment before her face flushed bright red.

"Excuse you?" she growled. "Like you'd be that fucking lucky." She turned her gaze to her father. "Well, is she? Is this little twat really the result of one of your flings?" Raife sighed and hung his head, confirming without words the truth.

"Ha! Guess you being a man-whore finally caught up with you, you fucking loser!" Ashley screamed, the fury in her voice causing it to crack several times. "That should teach you to keep it in your pants, huh?" She ignored the tears of hurt and betrayal that streamed down her face and turned back to Kyla.

"So, how long have you known that your father was a drug-addled, whoring, washed up, former rock star?" she taunted. "Bet that was a hit at show-and-tell, huh?" Kyla didn't answer, instead looking to Raife. Ashley turned her gaze to the man of the hour herself.

"And exactly how long have you known that you had another kid?" she demanded. "I mean, is she a new development, dropped off on the front step of your tour bus as you rolled through town or did you pick the little twerp up at the pound. She certainly is the runt of the fucking litter." The white haired man shook his head.

"Ashley...babe..." he started, his voice pleading but coated in what Spencer recognized as 'Davies charm'; the same charm that no doubt got him the groupies in the first place. It was similar to Ashley's tone when she flirted but for some reason, to Spencer, Raife just sounded sleazy.

"No, I am not your 'babe'," Ashley snapped. She jerked her head at Kyla. "Apparently, she is. So, what's the verdict? How long have you known about my little sperm sister here?" Raife let out a long sigh.

"I've known...for years," he admitted slowly. "I've known since you were around nine, maybe ten or so."

"Wait a sec," Ashley said, her disbelief palpable but the current of dangerous rage was clear to Spencer. It was a tone she heard rarely and never ended well. Ashley was about to go off like a primed bomb and there was no stopping it. "Is that where you went when you left me and Mom? Did you take off to go play 'Father knows best' with this little shit?"

"Hey!" Kyla protested.

"Ashley," Raife said, his voice imploring. He knew this was going to hurt her, especially in light of everything he'd learned recently from Arthur Carlin. This was only going to add to her hurt and he wondered if she was going to be able to handle it. It was never his intention to hurt her; he was going to tell her about Kyla eventually. But the timing was never right and he knew it wasn't right now however, there was no avoiding it.

"No, I really want to know," Ashley ranted. Spencer got up and tried to pull her gently away from the table but the trembling brunette shook her off and turned to look at her. The desperation in those chocolate eyes made Spencer sick to her stomach.

"I wanna know, Spence, if the entire time that I was being...abused, if that bastard was taking his little bastard spawn to father/daughter dances and fucking PTA meetings!" she explained, her voice raising as she went.

"Ashley, please," Spencer begged, trying again to pull her away from the table. She didn't want to know the answers; she wanted to take Ashley away from this and protect her.

"No," Ashley said, this time her voice low and eerily calm, direct opposite to only seconds before and it alarmed the blonde. "I wanna know if while I was getting my sex education taught to me, first fucking hand, learn it by doing it, if that little bitch was getting to go trick-or-treating with my father." She turned and directed her questions to her father although she was barely above a whisper.

"I wanna know if while I was being trained on the proper technique to giving a blow-job, if she was unwrapping presents under a huge Christmas tree with her Daddy. And I wanna know, if while I was being repeatedly raped by anyone with the bank roll, if she was celebrating her birthday with the man I always idolized as MY father, my Daddy." She turned hollow and defeated chocolate eyes to her girlfriend.

"I want to know if while I was going through all that, comforting myself at night with thoughts of my Daddy arriving and taking me away from all of it, he had forgotten all about me and was living a fucking wonderful life with her and her mom, happy and safe." She paused and wiped at the single tear that streaked down her face.

"I think I deserve to know."

117.

The stunned silence that followed Ashley's questions hung over the five like a heavy cloak. Ashley was focusing on Spencer, her eyes showing the blonde how devastated and betrayed she felt. She was focusing completely on the beautiful younger girl because she knew, if she dared look at anyone else, she'd lose the last bit of her composure and break, like a brittle glass figurine, into too many pieces for Spencer to even attempt to put back together.

Spencer held the gaze, knowing that at that moment, she was Ashley's lifeline, the only thing she had and could rely on. It was a huge responsibility but one that Spencer didn't shirk away from. She kept her ocean blue eyes trained directly on pain-filled whiskey, letting the love she felt for Ashley and the understanding she felt show in her eyes, reassuring her that she was there, by her side and not going anywhere.

Spencer couldn't believe that Ashley had basically just spilled all her secrets in front of both fathers and a virtual stranger, Kyla. She knew that if Ashley was lashing out at her father for the betrayal that Kyla represented, then her girlfriend was in emotional agony. Sometimes she wondered which was worse; seeing Ashley in physical or emotional pain. At least the physical pain healed over and while it might scar, it usually couldn't keep causing pain, over and over again. Sadly, the same could not be said for emotional. To tell the truth, she didn't want to see Ashley in either kind of pain.

"Ashley," Arthur finally broke the silence that had stretched seemingly for hours when it was truly only minutes. His talk with Glen suddenly made more sense and he understood what secret his son had been guarding for the girls. He felt immensely proud of his oldest son, for the boy's sense of honor and how he'd grown so much in a short period of time. But at the same time, his heart broke for the horrors Ashley had apparently had to endure and for his own daughter who had undoubtedly lost a bit of her own innocence within the truth.

The fact that the girls had kept this from him, while it did hurt his feelings on a small level, he was also proud of them. They were so much stronger than he or anyone had given them credit for, including themselves. Arthur had seen things such as this destroy couples who had been together longer and didn't have as many obstacles in their path as Spencer and Ashley already did. There was Paula, her bigotry and inability to accept Spencer was gay and loved Ashley had been a huge issue that was still hadn't been dealt with. Plus there was their young age, their sexuality which wasn't always accepted at school and the physical abuse Ashley had endured all made their journey together that much harder. Yet, there they stood, totally in love and invested in each other, strong as ever. It was inspiring to him.

"Spence," he tried when the brunette didn't answer him. The girls were staring at each other and Arthur could see that Spencer was the only thing keeping Ashley anchored, keeping her sane and safe. If she didn't have Spencer, Arthur knew that they'd lose the abused girl to her inner demons. He hoped that his youngest child was strong enough to continue to endure the undoubtedly rough road ahead of her and Ashley.

"I...I didn't know," Raife whispered, tears gathering in his blue eyes.

"You never fucking asked!" The entire table stared at the source of the scream. Spencer was now breathing heavily, her face red and standing in front of Ashley as if shielding her from everyone. Ashley was grateful for the shield, tired and needing someone else to speak for her, for at least a minute while she caught her breath.

"You never fucking bothered to ask, to check on her," Spencer went on, her voice shaking and filled with fury. "You knew her mother hit her and you honestly thought a promise from that beast was good enough to keep her safe? Even I'm not that naive!" She saw the tears on his face and they only served to anger her more, and disgust her. "You know what, you don't get to feel guilty or bad because it's partially your fault it all happened."

"Spencer, that's not being fair," Arthur said calmly, hoping to end this fight and focus more on how to help everyone, himself included, to cope. Spencer glowered at him.

"No, Dad, what's unfair is that the whole thing happened in the first place," she snarled. "What's unfair is that his marriage went to shit cuz he couldn't keep it in his pants but that was OK, cuz he had a replacement daughter waiting for him somewhere else. It didn't matter that Ashley loved him and needed him; he just did whatever he felt like doing and never bothered to check and make sure his legitimate child was well taken care of. What's unfair is that he can't deny that everything was exactly like Ashley said; she was enduring a personal hell while Kyla was reaping the benefits of Raife's attention. He replaced Ashley, Dad, with a newer, less complicated model. That's what's not fair."

"Ashley, I never knew," Raife said, standing to approach his daughter and stopping when she recoiled and Spencer moved to put herself between them. "Ash, baby, if I had known...If I had thought that she..."

"You what? Would have stopped it? How could you have known when you didn't take the time to ask?" Spencer asked, acid dripping from every word. Ashley's hands had twin grips on her hips, fingers digging into the material and pulling slightly. Her unsteady breaths were tickling the back of Spencer's neck, alerting the blonde to the impending panic attack.

"Spencer, I visited..." Raife tried to defend. He didn't like the attitude his daughter's little girlfriend was taking with him. He was Ashley's parent and Spencer needed to respect that.

"82 times," Ashley whispered. Spencer tilted her head slightly to listen to the soft, empty voice. The fact that the trembling girl was still talking was reassuring to Spencer. She knew Ashley's panic attacks could get bad and she wanted to keep her somewhat calm as long as she could.

"What, Ashley?" Arthur wondered. He wanted her to keep talking, even if it was rage filled yelling because he could see the signs of panic in the young woman. He didn't want to see her retreat into herself like that night Spencer drove her to his office, the night her mother beat her.

"He visited 82 times. I kept track from when he left when I was 9 to now," Ashley explained softly. "Most birthdays, a few Christmases and other holidays, and times when he was on tour in the area. I saw my Dad 82 times from age 9 to now. 82 times and you never asked, never wondered, never saw what was going on."

"I wonder," Spencer said slowly, her eyes drifting over to Kyla who was sitting again, trying, it appeared to sink down so low that she disappeared. "How often was he there for you, Kyla?" Kyla didn't look up or answer. "Lemme guess, it's easier to count when he wasn't there, right? Around 82 times would you say? Wow, Raife, right up there for Father of the Year, aren'tcha?"

A tug on the back of her shirt drew Spencer's attention back to Ashley. The smaller girl had buried her face in the material and Spencer could feel her hot tears soaking through the material.

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take my beautiful girlfriend who is very upset, upstairs and I'm going to try and calm her. The rest of you can deal with what you know. We've been trying to deal for weeks; it's your turn."

Ashley was in an almost full blown panic attack by the time they reached Spencer's room, shaking violently and hyperventilating. Spencer set her carefully on the end of the bed and grabbed the brown paper bag she kept in her desk drawer since the time Ashley snuck into her room and then had a horrible panic attack in what seemed a lifetime ago. Since then, she tried to be prepared should it ever happen again.

"Easy, baby, just breathe into the bag," she said softly, petting Ashley's hair and hoping the bag worked to remove the bluish tint to her girlfriend's features. It scared her. "It's a bad attack, I know. But I'm right here, you're OK. I'm not going to let anything happen to you, I promise."

Slowly, Ashley's breathing pattern settled down and while she was still shaking, it wasn't as violent. She handed the bag back to Spencer with a grateful look and then flopped backwards onto the bed. Spencer got on the bed with her, close enough to cuddle if that was what Ashley wanted. She didn't want to crowd or push Ashley into intimacy if it wasn't what she wanted. To her relief, Ashley moved closer and she wrapped herself around the smaller form in mutual comfort.

Half an hour passed with them in compatible silence until a light tap on the door drew their attention.

"Hey, can I come in?" Glen asked, poking his head around the door. Both girls nodded. He shut the door behind him and then sat in the nearby desk chair.

"Guys, I dunno what I walked into when I got home but there's some cute chick crashing on our couch, in tears by the way and Dad looks like someone killed his puppy," he explained dourly. "What the hell happened?"

"Raife came over for dinner with..." Spencer started only to be cut off by Ashley.

"Wait a sec," Ashley huffed. "She's still here? She's staying here?" Glen nodded.

"Yeah, Dad said she was staying with us for a while, why? Who is she?" he asked. Ashley jumped off the bed.

"Oh hell fucking no!" she growled. "She already destroyed one of my families, she took it from me. She is NOT taking this one from me!" Spencer got up and grasped the irate brunette by the arm.

"Ash, don't," she asked gently. "Kyla's an innocent in here..."

"Innocent?" Ashley raged. "My father picked her over me! She's the reason why I was abused and raped and everything! It's all because of Kyla! HER!" Spencer shook her head, seeing no good coming from the days events.

"Ashley, sit down for a second," she instructed carefully. She didn't want her girlfriend to turn her ire in her direction. Fiery brown eyes glared back at her. "Just for a minute, hear me out, OK?" Ashley reluctantly sat down on the bed, her arms crossed over her chest in angry defiance. Spencer looked at her brother for a second before speaking.

"The girl downstairs is Kyla," she began, wanting Glen to be up to speed on what was going on. "Raife stopped by today cuz Dad called him about some of what happened to Ashley and he brought Kyla with him. Apparently she's Ashley's half-sister..." Glen's eyes grew big.

"You're kidding!" he exclaimed. The dark look he got from both girls assured him that she wasn't. "Dude, that's fucking low; showing up here and springing that on you when you're dealing with everything else."

"Everything else that he fucking claims he didn't know about," Ashley muttered. Glen's expression turned stormy.

"Wait, you mean to tell me that your dad had no idea you were being abused the entire time?" he asked, his own anger seeping through. Ashley shook her head.

"He says he didn't know and Glen, I never told him," she admitted. "He never asked. He was too busy playing 'happy homemaker' with Kyla and her mom to notice me."

"Fucking douche!" Glen growled. "And now he leaves Kyla here for us to take care of! What the fuck?"

"Wait, what do you mean 'for us to take care of'?" Spencer asked, frowning. "Where did Raife go?"

"I dunno," Glen shrugged. "All Dad really told me was that Kyla would be staying with us for a while and to check on you two." Both girls gaped at him in shock.

"Fucking hell!" Ashley swore angrily. "I forgot; he's got that fucking tour in Europe that starts in like, a week. He fucking came here to drop his bouncing teenage brat on my fucking lap!" She stood back up, waving her arms around in the air. "I bet he was hoping to pawn her off on my mom and when your dad called him, that screwed that plan all to hell. So he's gonna fucking leave her here, with me and not even give a shit about anything I've told him. God damnit!"

"Would he really do something like that?" Glen wondered, more to Spencer than the incredibly seething brunette. Spencer nodded sadly. "And you told him about the abuse and...everything else?"

"In a way, yeah," Spencer shrugged. "More like dumped it in his lap but yeah, Dad and Raife both know it was more than...physical abuse Ashley went through."

"Fucking prick," Glen grumbled. He looked apologetically at both girls who were regarding him with something akin to shock on their faces. "What? I'm sorry, Ash, but that's like, lower than anything I've ever heard of. How come you're so...normal when both your parents were such fucking assholes?"

118.

There was another knock on the door and it opened to reveal Arthur Carlin, looking upset and a bit lost.

"What the hell, Dad?" Spencer said as he entered the room. The two other teens murmured their agreement with the sentiment. "Why is Kyla staying here?"

"Spencer, it's not an easy situation, I know," Arthur began. He hated the shocked look on Glen's face, the anger on Spencer's and the hurt on Ashley's knowing that there was really nothing he could do at the moment to make things better. The most he could do was patch things temporarily, try and ease the hurt Ashley was feeling and serve as a buffer to the girl and her newfound sister. That obviously wasn't going to be an easy adjustment for either of them to make but especially Ashley.

Arthur had tried to get some information from both Raife and Kyla before Glen or Clay got home but the rocker was shell shocked and Kyla was just plain shy. He did learn, however, that Kyla had known about Ashley, mostly because everyone knew about Raife Davies' daughter. She had been a child of the rock scene up until the divorce. Arthur expected that the younger girl harbored a bit of resentment towards her older sister for the fame she enjoyed while Kyla herself wasn't even acknowledged to the public, instead kept as a secret.

Kyla went on to admit she had been excited to meet Ashley but never pictured it going the way it had and that she was embarrassed, for both of them. And to Arthur, the small girl looked disappointed. Then again, he wouldn't blame her if she did feel that way; her exposure to her sister, thus far, had been disastrous. If she had held the image of a happy bonding experience, it had fallen short.

"She can't stay here!" Ashley ranted, her voice growing distressed and breaking Arthur from his thoughts. She looked at Spencer, her eyes begging. "Please, Spence, I feel safe here. I can't...I can't deal with that girl being near me. Please?" Spencer looked back at her father.

"Dad..." she started. Arthur shook his head.

"I'm sorry but the only other alternative is to actually leave her with Ashley's mother, which was Raife's intent until I told him about the abuse," he explained sadly. "He never mentioned her when I spoke to him; he never said he was bringing anyone with him or else I would have stopped it. I really am sorry that this is happening."

"Can't she go on tour with him?" Glen wondered, not liking the situation for Ashley's sake. Sure, Kyla was cute but if it was going to upset Ashley, it was a no-go for him. He had meant what he said about protecting her, even if it was from her own sister.

"Yeah," Spencer agreed. "Or what about her own mother?" Arthur sat down in the mushroom chair and sighed.

"Her mother died a few months ago from breast cancer," he said sadly. "So he has custody. And Raife doesn't think that a tour is a good environment for Kyla anymore than he ever thought it was for Ashley. Plus he doesn't want her to miss the time away from school. He's already got her enrolled at King..."

"So I have to live with her and go to school with her?" Ashley asked, her voice cold. "I have to look at her every fucking day and see what my life could have, should have been and constantly be reminded of what my life actually was? That's just fuckin cruel."

"I'm sorry, Ashley," Arthur said genuinely. "The last alternative is to put Kyla in the foster system and I know the system too well. No one wants to foster a teenager; there's too many of them in the system already. It's unbelievably hard to place children past a certain age and Kyla is way past that age. There is no where for her to go."

"Then let my father deal with her!" Ashley screamed, working herself into another panic attack. Spencer wrapped her arms around the shaking form and tried to calm her. Ashley relaxed into the embrace somewhat, the feel of Spencer's body heat against her back automatically calming her. It was reassuring to the brunette to know that no matter what, Spencer was right there.

"He refuses to," Arthur said shaking his head. "Trust me, I had a very unpleasant discussion with him regarding his parenting skills. He will not take her with him. He said if I couldn't take her in, he was going to just give her a bank card and let her take care of herself and I don't think that fifteen is a good age to have unlimited access to that kind of money or to be on her own."

"Ah the infamous 'Davies' parenting style. I got the bank card at thirteen. So my dad basically strong-armed you into taking her in?" Ashley said sourly.

"Sadly, it looks that way," Arthur agreed.

"Figures," Ashley muttered. "Yet again he gets to get away with whatever the fuck he wants to, never has to take responsibility. He never has to be a fucking grown-up. Everyone just cleans up his messes for him. God, I hate it!"

"Ashley, I understand that this isn't the best time or situation to meet your sister in," Arthur began, his voice low and understanding. "However,..."

"Half-sister," Ashley corrected him, coldly. He nodded.

"Half-sister," he agreed. "And I understand why you don't want her to stay here but given the choice, it was the only thing I could do. I didn't turn you out and I couldn't turn her out."

"The situation was a little different, Dad," Spencer snapped, annoyed. "Kyla didn't come in here after being badly beaten by her mother. Plus, she isn't my girlfriend. You don't owe her anything. Hell, none of us do, even Ashley doesn't."

"I understand that, Spencer," Arthur said patiently. "And she'll only be here a few days, a week tops. I'm going to see if one of my co-workers will look after her until we get everything straightened out."

"Fine, whatever," Ashley grumbled. "Did my dad have anything to say about...about what I blurted out at the table? Like, does he care at all?" Spencer placed a light kiss to the back of Ashley's neck in comfort from where they now sat together on the bed, Spencer against the headboard with Ashley sitting with her back to her between her legs. It was a comfortable position for them both; it let Spencer touch and soothe Ashley and it made Ashley feel safe.

"He's concerned, asked me if it was the truth," Arthur began, his eyes sad. "And I have to ask, Ashley, the things you said, about it being more than beatings, is that the truth?" He glanced at Glen. "Is that what no one's told me yet?" Ashley started to tremble slightly, her nerves frayed thin. She was almost at the end of her emotional endurance, Spencer knew, so she answered for her girlfriend.

"Yeah," she said when Ashley could only open and close her mouth a few times. The smaller girl shifted somewhat so that Spencer could wrap her arms completely around her as if shielding her. "It was more than physical abuse, Dad. Much more."

"I thought as much," Arthur said, his head hanging down.

"Like she'd lie about it, Dad!" Glen broke in, insulted. "That's what I refused to tell you the day we talked. I overheard Ash telling Spencer about it and it made me sick, Dad. I don't understand how someone could do that to anyone, never mind their own kid but I never doubted that she was telling the truth..."

"Easy, Glen," Arthur said, holding up one hand to stop his rampage. "I didn't doubt her, personally. But I had to ask." He turned back to his daughter. "You both understand that this information drastically changes Ashley's case, right? Sexual abuse is in a much different category than just physical..."

"I can't deal with this getting out," Ashley whispered, more to Spencer than anyone else. Spencer kissed her forehead.

"Sshh, baby," she soothed. "Dad, she doesn't want this getting out..."

"Spencer, I understand that, trust me, I really do," Arthur said sympathetically. "I see this sort of thing in my job, hon. I know that it's going to be difficult..."

"Yeah, you're not the one everyone's going to call 'whore', Mr. C," Ashley said bitterly. "No one's going to see you as 'dirty' or 'slutty'. No one's going to call you names in the hall at school. So it's lovely that you understand so much." Arthur sighed, the animosity in the young girl's voice cutting him deeply although he couldn't blame her for how she felt.

"I won't let anyone mouth off at you," Glen declared, his desire to protect Ashley and his sister flaring up. Both girls flashed him small smiles of gratitude.

"These acts happened to you when you were how old, Ashley?" he asked gently. Spencer's eyes flashed dangerously at him.

"Dad!" she scolded.

"Just hear me out, girls," he sighed. "Obviously, you were under eighteen when this occurred so the records would probably be sealed. If you were even younger..."

"They started when I was seven or so and ended...well, they haven't ended since she just had one of her parties not that long ago and I had to 'attend'," she admitted, her tone carrying her disgust. Spencer's arms held onto her even tighter. Both Glen and Arthur's faces had turned green and then paled.

"Ten years, Ashley?" Glen wondered, his voice barely above a whisper. He looked devastated while Arthur just shook his head.

"It kinda tapered off when I turned thirteen or so," Ashley admitted, talking more to Glen than anyone else. The boy looked so upset she wanted to hug him, which struck her as an odd impulse. "But once in a while, she'd like, blackmail me into another party. I always knew what to expect so compared to her threats, it didn't seem as bad." She moved her head to look at Spencer.

"The people at these parties always had to clear a bunch of medical tests so you don't have to worry that you caught anything from me," she said worriedly, the fear that this would be what drove Spencer away rearing up on her quickly.

"Ash, I don't..." the blonde started, seeing the fear in her girlfriend's eyes.

"And after I hit puberty, I made them stop actual...sex," she tried to explain as she blushed. "I mean, yeah they used protection but I didn't want to risk anything so it was mostly...oral after that."

"Ashley, you don't have to tell us this," Spencer said as tears ran down her face. She felt Ashley stiffen in her arms and leaned down to whisper in her ear. "I'm crying cuz you were so hurt and no one helped you. I am not disgusted or turned off by you, baby. Never, OK?" Ashley sniffled and nodded.

"You don't have to tell us any of this, Ashley, not if you don't want to," Arthur said gently. "I'll start the paperwork and you can tell the case worker. I'm too close to be unbiased so it'll get handed to someone else. I'll make sure that it's one of our best, all right?"

"I never said I wanted to press charges," Ashley pointed out tiredly. "I remember begging you not to call the police. You have no idea what that woman is really capable of."

"Well, I'm sorry to say," Arthur started. "Or really not sorry to tell you that one of the things your father did want before he left was for your mother to pay for what she's done to you. He doesn't have all the facts but he believed you and wants her to pay."

"Figures," Ashley snorted. "The only way to get that man to care about me is to admit that I was abused. Great, now the media will paint him as a caring and loving parent who had no idea what was going on and he'll be more of a victim than me. Lovely."

"At any rate, he still has his rights as a parent until you turn eighteen and he wants to press charges," Arthur explained. "Ashley, he was truly upset at what he learned tonight..."

"Not upset enough to stick around and maybe see if I was OK..." she mumbled, upset. "And on top of that, he drops his hippie love child off on my lap. God, that man is a piece of work."

"Speaking of Kyla," Arthur grabbed the chance to change the subject. "She'll be starting school on Monday. I thought maybe you could give her a ride in..."

"Oh hell no," Ashley snapped. "She can walk. She's not my responsibility..."

"I'll take her," Glen spoke up, drawing everyone's attention to him. He blushed and cleared his throat. "Look, Ashley and Spencer have enough to deal with with all the stuff going on with them. I'll take Kyla to school and show her around so at least she knows someone and it'll take the pressure offa you two."

"Thanks Glen," Spencer said sincerely. Ashley snickered.

"You just wanna spend time with her cuz you think she's cute," she teased. Glen's blush deepened.

"Well, yeah, there's that too."

119.

Monday morning, Kyla waited nervously at the door for Glen. She'd had a couple of days to get to know him and Mr. Carlin and even Spencer but the person she was most interested in meeting, talking to and getting to know avoided her like the plague. Ashley made sure she was never in the same room alone with Kyla if she was in the room at all. She managed to make it so that only at dinner did their paths cross.

"Morning, Kyla," Spencer said as she grabbed her bag and headed to the door. The heavy footsteps behind her told Kyla that Ashley would be passing by soon.

"Morning," Kyla said in return, grateful that the blonde was at least trying to be friendly. Spencer gave her a small but genuine smile just as Ashley appeared at the bottom of the staircase.

"Ready, Spence?" she asked, totally ignoring Kyla's existence. Spencer nodded and gave a pointed look at her girlfriend who rolled her eyes and continued heading for the door. They'd all had breakfast together, pancakes made however you wanted by Arthur but even then Kyla's attempts at talking to her sister were rebuffed, rudely.

Ashley had no intention or desire to talk to or to get to know the smaller girl, sister or not. She saw Kyla as an interloper and an invader who had stolen her father for her childhood and was now zooming in on her 'new' family, the Carlins. It made her blood boil to see the girl smiling or talking to any of the family members but she couldn't even begin to describe the white hot rage that surfaced whenever she dared to speak to Spencer. Visions of punching her half-sister in the face and tossing her off the roof gave Ashley a perverted sense of comfort and amusement. She grasped the door handle and pulled, waiting for Spencer's response.

"Yeah, I'm ready," Spencer said out loud, giving Kyla a somewhat apologetic look before following Ashley out the door. She frowned as she climbed into the car and looked over at the older girl.

"You could at least give her a chance, Ash..." she tried, keeping her voice even. Ashley turned the car on and then glared at Spencer.

"Don't Spence, OK?" she asked, her voice taking on a slight edge. "Don't ask me to welcome that little bastard into my life, not at this point in time."

"Ashley, don't call her a bastard," Spencer scolded. Ashley shrugged, unimpressed with the chastising.

"It's what she is, Spencer," she pointed out. "Her parents weren't married when she was spawned so, thus, she is a bastard. I speak only the truth."

"It's still rude," Spencer sighed, seeing she wasn't going to get Ashley to bend even remotely on the issue. She wanted nothing to do with Kyla and honestly, given everything else that was going on in her life, Spencer couldn't blame her. She'd wanted to be just as cold to the newcomer, agreeing with Ashley that even having her around was like a slap in the face since Kyla had the childhood that should have been Ashley's. But, her heart wasn't in it. Kyla's face reminded her of Ashley's and the hurt she saw in the younger girl's eyes each time she was ignored by Ashley stung Spencer to see. So, she decided to carefully as to not alienate Ashley, befriend Kyla.

"I really don't need my girlfriend taking that little bas...that brats side, Spencer," Ashley said angrily. "You're supposed to be on my side, remember?" Spencer tried to swallow the angry retort and think before she spoke.

"Why do I have to be on anyone's side?" she asked, knowing this was probably going to lead to a fight she didn't want to have but she really didn't like Ashley's behavior towards Kyla. Honestly, if she stopped to think about it, Kyla was totally innocent in the whole mess, a victim of circumstances.

"What?" Ashley squeaked.

"I mean, you know that I support you, one hundred percent, no hesitation," Spencer said hastily hoping to head off a full-blown argument. "If I have to be on a side, Ash, it's yours, no question. But Kyla hasn't really done anything to you..."

"She had a happy, fucking sunny rainbow childhood with pretty much both parents and I had what, Spencer? I had my own mother pimping me out," Ashley growled.

"But Kyla didn't know that," Spencer pointed out calmly. "She's younger than you and had no idea you existed any more than you knew about her. I'm just asking you to cut her a little slack. You don't have to braid each other's hair or swap Barbie's with her or anything..." Ashley burst out laughing, cutting Spencer off from her rant. The blonde tilted her head and frowned.

"What's so funny?" she wondered. Ashley laughed a few more moments before she caught her breath and glanced at her girlfriend.

"'Braid each others hair or swap Barbie's with her', Spence?" she echoed. "Now I know you spend too much time with me. You were never that sarcastic." Spencer smiled.

"It's all your influence, Ms Davies," she teased, enjoying the break in the tension. "I was a sweet and obedient girl before I met you."

"A good Catholic girl," Ashley agreed. "Now you're a sarcastic, hoo hah loving lesbian Catholic! Sweet!"

"'Hoo hah'?" Spencer repeated, her brow knitting. "Really, Ash, 'hoo hah'?" Ashley shrugged.

"Hoo hah, pussy, snatch, pudenda, pink taco..." she started listing. Spencer slapped her on the arm as she blushed.

"OK, OK, stop," she giggled. "Yeah out of those, hoo hah was the least offensive."

"It's all about the hoo hah," Ashley declared with a smirk. Spencer was relieved since this was the most 'Ashley' she'd seen the older girl in far too long. Plus, it served to disarm the argument that had been brewing.

"So, will you at least try?" she asked softly. "With Kyla? For me?"

"That is so not fair, Spencer," Ashley groaned. "Pulling the 'for me' card and batting those damn baby blues at me. You know I can't say no." Spencer grinned.

"Hey, ya gotta use whatcha got, right?" she asked in faux seriousness. "Seriously though, she seems like she's a nice girl, Ash. Can you at least try to be friendly towards her?"

"I refuse to accept her as my sister," Ashley hissed. "Even as a half. No way, nuh uh."

"OK, that's fine, Ash," Spencer nodded. "Maybe though, you could try for friend?" Ashley thought about it for a few minutes. As the school came into view she decided on her response.

"I'll give you faint, civil acquaintance," she announced. "But that's it for now." Spencer leaned over and kissed the brunette after they were safely parked.

"Thank you, baby," she husked. "I'll take it."

120.

True to her word, Ashley actually spoke to Kyla, civilly over the next few days. Nothing too friendly but if Kyla asked her to 'pass the salt', Ashley no longer answered with 'kiss off, demon spawn' and actually handed her the salt. By Friday night, the two reluctant sisters actually managed to string a few sentences together and held a short, if meaningless conversation.

"Well, I met a few people and they seemed nice," Kyla explained as she sat in the living room with Glen, Clay, and Arthur Saturday morning. Glen and Clay were playing with the Playstation 2 while Arthur read the paper.

"Yeah, who?" Glen asked absently while trying to shoot the villain on the screen before he was shot first. Kyla sipped her soda before answering.

"Uhm, I met a guy named Corey in my English class, and Tania in Drama Club and some girl came up to me at lunch and complimented my skirt. I think her name was Madison..."

"Stay away from her," was heard in unison, one from the blonde boy playing the video game and the other from the blonde girl standing at the bottom of the stairs, looking blurry eyed. Kyla frowned as she looked between the two siblings.

"Huh? What? Why?" she wondered. The less than enthusiastic reaction from them had startled her.

"She's bad news, Kyla," Glen said darkly. "I dated her; trust me I know what kind of beast she really is. Don't trust her." Kyla looked over to Spencer for confirmation.

"She's a snake and a backstabber," she added to her brother's editorial. Kyla bit her lip and then got up, motioning for Spencer to follow her to the kitchen. The older girl grabbed some of the leftover bacon on the counter and waited for the small brunette to speak.

"Madison...she told me some stuff," Kyla started slowly. "Stuff about you and Ashley."

"Yeah, so?" Spencer asked, shrugging her shoulders. "Glen just told you she was bad news and not to trust her. He's her ex; he would know." Kyla sat down heavily into a kitchen chair and sighed.

"She said that you used to be normal," Kyla whispered, looking to the door to make sure that Ashley wasn't going to pop in on them and then pop her in the nose for what she was saying. "And that Ashley corrupted you, seduced you...made you..."

"Gay?" Spencer filled in the blank for her, raising one brow. "She said that Ashley made me gay? She should really get new material." As the words left her mouth she realized that she really was sounding more and more like Ashley. The thought made her giggle.

"Yeah," Kyla said nodding. "She said that Ashley corrupted you and that you weren't really...that way...and that Ashley was the sort of person to like, use people to get what she wanted and when she was done with you, you'd be ruined."

"She actually said all that?" Spencer asked, her blue eyes turning stormy grey. She was starting to think she was going to have to give the mouthy Latina another beat down. She figured this time she'd let Ashley watch for entertainment purposes.

"Yeah, so...are you?" Kyla wondered. Spencer frowned at her.

"Am I what? A natural blonde?" (OK, now I'm channeling Ashley. This is too much)

"No, you know..." Kyla lowered her voice further. "Gay?" Spencer's eyes grew wide.

"GAY? YOU THINK I'M GAY?" she all but screamed, knowing she was undoubtedly going to get the attention of everyone in the house, including Ashley who was sleeping soundly upstairs. Kyla turned bright red and glared at her.

"Hush! Not so loud," she hissed. "God, why are none of you people here in LA normal? First Ashley's possessed or something and mean as shit and now you're acting all freaky. I am seriously beginning to miss Baltimore and I never thought that would happen."

"Well, I'm sorry that being thrown into your half-sisters life isn't working out to your advantage," Spencer said blandly, not all that amused by the conversation. The fact that it seemed again that she had to justify herself and her relationship with Ashley to yet someone else irritated her.

"I called Dad and bitched at him for throwing me to the fucking lions," Kyla grumbled. "He seems to think that it's the best and only way to get to know Ashley. If I'd known my entire family was so sneaky I would have moved in with my Aunt Myra."

"Maybe you should call her if you can't deal with people being gay because LA is definitely the wrong place for you," Spencer yawned. She wished she'd stayed in bed.

"Are you, seriously?" Kyla wondered, lowering her voice and frowning. "You know, that way? Cuz you and Ashley seem awfully close..." Spencer sighed, tired of the discussion and wondering if her advice to Ashley to give Kyla a chance may have been premature.

"Yeah, you do tend to get pretty close to the person you're in love with and dating," she said flatly, daring Kyla to contradict her. The younger girl's expression went from shocked to pale and upset within seconds.

"So it's true?" Kyla said, upset. "My sister is...a dyke?"

"It is way too early in the morning for this," Spencer sighed again, this time annoyed. "Look, yes, Ashley and I are together, as in a couple and yes we're gay. You can say the word, Kyla, it won't turn you. But my advice to you is to not refer to your sister, or me, or any other lesbian as a dyke unless you know them really well and you're kidding or your health insurance is up to date. Got it?"

"I'm sorry...it's just, Dad didn't tell me and I don't..." Kyla stammered. Spencer grabbed another couple pieces of bacon and headed for the door.

"What difference would it have made if you knew before you got here?" she asked, her anger showing through in her tone and making Kyla recoil. "And for the record, you can go tell Madison that Ashley didn't turn me or anything. I was gay before I moved here, she just helped me accept it."

"And your family doesn't care?" Kyla asked, stunned. Spencer rubbed at her eyes, feeling a headache coming on and wanting nothing more than to go crawl back into bed with her girlfriend.

"They all know and the only one with an issue with it is my mother," Spencer snapped, fed up. "And as you can see, she isn't here anymore. So look, deal with it or don't but if you want any chance building a relationship with Ashley, you'd better find a way to get over it."

"But...if she's gay...she's my sister...we share genes," Kyla muttered. Spencer rolled her eyes.

"Oh my God, is that what your issue is?" she asked, floored with shock. "You're afraid that since Ashley's your sister and a lesbian that that somehow makes you one? Are you really that naive?" Kyla just stared at her, her mouth opening and closing.

"For the record, Kyla, I believe you are born who you are so if you're gay, you're gonna be gay and Ashley has nothing to do with it. And if you're already wondering, then maybe you need to sit and think about whether you already are. I'm gonna go back to my nice warm bed and even warmer girlfriend. Bye."

Spencer stormed out of the kitchen and walked straight into the still sleep warm body of her girlfriend. She looked into Ashley's sleepy face to see her grinning.

"I was woken by someone screaming that they were gay and she sounded hot so I came to investigate," Ashley husked, her voice still rough from sleep and sending delightful chills up Spencer's spine. Spencer grinned back at her.

"Oh, that was me, outing us to your sister," she explained as Ashley leaned to kiss her. The kiss became heated until a flying pillow hit them in the sides of the face. They looked over to see Glen making a gagging motion.

"Ass hat!" Ashley laughed, throwing the pillow back.

"No one wants to see someone macking on their little sister so...go where I can't see you," Glen joked. Both girls grinned and headed up the stairs. Halfway up, Spencer leaned over the banister.

"Hey Dad! Check on Kyla cuz she just found out Ash and I are gay!"

"Oh my God, they're gay?" They heard Glen exclaim as they reached the top of the stairs.

121.

"Is your Dad ever going to get rid of that little bas...turd sleeping in the guest room that shares half my DNA?" Ashley asked later in the day as the two lounged around Spencer's room. Spencer shrugged into the mirror where she was trying on a new shirt that her mother had given her. Despite Paula's absence from the house, she was still a presence in Spencer's life, much to her and Ashley's annoyance most of the time.

So while Ashley was in an appointment with her therapist, whom she was only seeing to make Spencer and Arthur happy, Spencer went to an early dinner with her mother. Paula gave her some clothes that she'd picked out for her, most of which both girls thought were better suited to Amish Illustrated, along with the required lecture about her lifestyle choices. Nothing Spencer said seemed to make her mother realize that she was hurting her daughter with her narrow-minded bigotry and her hatred for Ashley.

"This one actually isn't that bad," Spencer commented as she turned to see the back. "And he said hopefully Daisy, one of the other social workers at his office, could take her next Wednesday. Daisy had to make room or something."

"Good," Ashley said, putting her People magazine down and looking at her girlfriend. "And Wednesday just became my favorite day. I've seen nuns show more cleavage, Spence." Spencer smiled at the comment.

"That's cuz you prefer watching 'Naughty Sisters of Eden Grove 4' to 'The Sound of Music' ya perv," she snorted, teasing. "But you're right, it's as hideous as all the others." Ashley got up off the bed and walked over, grinning slightly.

"Although, honestly, if I had a daughter as hot as you, Spence," she said, needing to be close to the beautiful blonde since it had been way too long since the last time they were intimate together. She was dying to feel that silken skin under her fingertips, to hear and feel Spencer lose all control.

"I'd never let her wear anything below the neck," she finished her statement, as she started kissing and nipping at the younger girl's neck. She felt Spencer shudder under her touch and a small moan bubble up.

The two girls fell onto Spencer's bed, tangled together. It'd been too long since they'd spent time just wasting time lost within each other. Spencer had been afraid to push intimacy on Ashley so soon after the whole truth of her childhood had been brought to light and Ashley was terrified that Spencer found her disgusting and dirty. So while they'd shared a few heated moments, neither had pushed for anything more.

Slowly, Spencer pulled Ashley's shirt up over her head, revealing her almost fully healed and beautifully sculpted stomach. The blonde let her hands wander over the smooth skin almost in reverence.

"You are so beautiful, Ash," she breathed. She watched the usually self-assured girl blush and while Spencer thought it was endearing, the knowledge that Ashley's self-esteem had fallen so low so fast for such a simple comment to cause her to blush, nearly broke her heart.

"You make me feel beautiful," Ashley said shyly. Spencer leaned in and bit the older girl hard on her neck, over the healed mark made at the beginning of their relationship. She drank in the heated gasp that it created.

"Let me show you how beautiful," Spencer husked. She decided, after a moment, to take it slow so that she could gage Ashley's reactions and stop if she needed to. She would save the 'rough Spencer' sex for when she was more sure of Ashley's limits.

"Fuck, Spencer," Ashley growled a few moments later, not from lust but annoyance. She pulled herself away from her blonde girlfriend's tempting hands and mouth, rolling over onto her side facing away. Spencer frowned and put her hand on Ashley's bare shoulder.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I thought that you wanted…" Ashley grunted.

"I do," she shot back, still angry. Spencer let her hand fall away, lying on her side behind Ashley, gazing at the upset brunette's back but being careful not to touch. This was what she was afraid of; Ashley was pushing her away now that she knew that Spencer knew the truth. And to make things worse, Spencer wasn't sure she could blame her.

There was so much going on at the moment, in Ashley's life; confronting her past while it was being learned by the people that meant the most to her; a new, never before heard of little sister not only being brought to light but also dumped on Ashley's lap at the same moment; the disintegration of the Carlin marriage, the sticking point there being Ashley's presence in the house. All those things had to be overwhelming the young brunette and Spencer had no idea how she was coping, if she indeed even was. There was always the chance that Ashley was suppressing everything like she had before.

"I don't wanna crowd you…" Spencer started, wanting to explain how she still felt the same about Ashley and that knowing what Ashley's childhood was like didn't change that. She was amazed and awed that Ashley had come out of it as well as she had. The addition of Kyla and her lack of understanding of homosexuality to the mix didn't change things for Spencer either. The younger girl was no where near as militant in her opposition to being gay as Spencer's own mother was. Kyla was more confused about it than anything else.

"No, you don't wanna fucking crowd me but you don't wanna fucking touch me either," Ashley spat, her voice clearly showing that she was crying as it crackled and popped. Spencer's eyes grew wide.

Oh God no, how can she even think that? Spencer wondered frantically.

"No, Ashley…it's not that…" Spencer tried to explain, watching Ashley sit up partially and scramble out of the bed quickly. She stood on the carpet and reached for her shirt which had only been removed a few short minutes earlier. "You don't..."

"I get it, Spencer," the brunette grumbled hotly, slipping into her shoes. "Now that you know about…Now that you know what a fucking whore I am, you don't want anything to do with me. No problem, Spencer. I'm sorry that I dragged you this far in, in the first place. I should have just told you before we got involved that I'm nothing more than a child prostitute. That way your feelings never would have gotten involved and you wouldn't be at such a loss right now to tell me that you don't wanna be with me." She grabbed her keys and headed to the door as Spencer rushed to get off the bed to try and stop her.

"Ashley wait!" she cried. It was all going so wrong so fast that Spencer couldn't get a handle on it. She could see her relationship with the girl she loved slipping though her fingers right before her eyes. She had to stop it; she had to make Ashley see but Ashley was in her own zone, not able to see past her own fear and Spencer was afraid she wasn't going to be able to reach her this time.

Ashley spun around and finally faced her, stunning the air from Spencer's lungs at the hurt and lost look on the older girl's face. Ashley's usually warm brown eyes were rimmed in red from the tears that slipped down her cheeks in salty tracks.

"For what, Spencer? Huh? You to tell me that we can still be friends? For you to tell me that you're sorry that you can't do this? Or maybe to yell at me for lying in the first place. Whatever. I don't wanna be your friend, I don't. I don't wanna look in your eyes and see your disgust and fucking pity, OK? Just, forget it." She pulled open the door, stopping only long enough to add one last thing.

"I'll make it easy and just leave now. Once you get rid of Kyla, you'll be free. No more of my shit pulling you and your family apart. No more Ashley Davies to ruin your life." She turned and ran down the hall, taking the stairs two at a time in her effort to escape.

Spencer scrambled for her own shirt, pulling it on and grabbing her shoes as she rushed out to catch Ashley, calling after her and begging her to stop. The brunette didn't listen, her speed at escape taking her completely from Spencer's sight. She heard the front door slamming shut as she rushed down the stairs.

No, no, no, no, no, she thought desperately. This is not happening. This can't happen; not again. If she makes it away from me, I'll never find her again. Oh God don't let me lose her. PLEASE!

"Spencer?" her father asked, walking out of the kitchen and wiping his hands on an apron.

"Damn it!" Spencer yelled, yanking the front door open in time to see Ashley backing out of the driveway so quickly that she hit the trash cans, knocking them over. Then, with the squeal of tires and a puff of smoke, Ashley was gone.

No! Damnit! She's not going to go back to Maggie and be safe cuz she knows Maggie will just call me. Fuck! I'm never going to find her. Oh what did I do? What do I do now?

"Damn it, fuck, damn it," Spencer stomped on the front step, letting out a long sigh and running a frustrated hand through her hair.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" she screamed into the afternoon air, needing to vent her anger and aggravation.

"Spencer, what's going on?" Arthur asked, standing on the step behind his daughter. She could see Kyla standing in the living room, watching in confusion. For that second in time, Spencer felt a flare of hatred for the girl, her presence being one of the last straws that just broke Ashley's back. It passed just as fast because she knew Kyla was as much an innocent victim as Ashley ever was. But she still didn't want Kyla to know everything that was going on; the girl hadn't earned that privilege just yet.

"I screwed up, Dad. Big time."

122.

Ashley sat on the beach, wiping the falling tears from her eyes. She looked out over the water, wishing that she could just disappear into the tide and not hurt anymore, not be so scared. She was floundering, on dry land like a helpless fish, oxygen more her enemy than her friend. She had no idea what she was going to do now.

Her thin fingers wrapped around the neck of the bottle of Jack Daniels lying beside her in the sand. She'd liberated it from the guest house at home, that day long ago when she'd snuck in for her things. She hadn't remembered that it was hidden in the back of her car until she went looking for a blanket to sit on and it rolled out from under the back seat.

Seeing it reminded her that she was going to have to go home and face her mother sometime soon; she couldn't keep hiding from the reality of her life at Spencer's. Her life was what it was and she had endured it this long, there was no point, in her opinion, in changing anything now despite Arthur Carlin's insistence that her mother be arrested. Whether or not that happened, she knew she was only making Spencer's life too difficult and she needed to move on. She was just trying to put it off until she was feeling stronger.

Plus, with the addition of Kyla, things had gotten infinitely more complicated. She didn't want a sister; she certainly didn't want to have to take responsibility for that sister either. Admittedly, she could barely manage to take care of herself and the only other person she wanted to take on in that sense was Spencer.

Who I just ran out on during sex and freaked the fuck out. Nice. I suck. I need something for this fucking anxiety, I swear.

She played with the paper of the unbroken seal, watching the amber liquid slosh around the glass bottle. She knew that the burn of the liquid would chase away some of her pain and shame, all she had to do was unscrew the cap and open her mouth.

(But what is that going to accomplish?) she wondered. (Other than making me too much like my fucking mother. If I do that, then I'm just running from my problems and I can't drink them away. If I keep running away it's never going to get any better. I'm never going to be strong enough to deal with what's happened and it'll destroy me. I don't want that. I want to get past it all and be better)

The phone in her back pocket vibrated, alerting her to someone else wanting her attention. She knew that it was no doubt Spencer, calling to apologize or soothe and coax her back. But she wasn't ready to face Spencer yet, to deal with running away the way she had.

(What if she's calling to tell me what I don't wanna hear? What if it is what I think and she sees me as dirty, used…God I think that would kill me, plain and simple. If Spencer doesn't love me anymore, no one does. She's all I got. She's all I want.)

She sighed and slowly peeled the wrapper off the bottle, freeing the cap which she spun off lazily. She lifted the bottle from the sand and brought it to her nose, inhaling the scent and feeling the way it tickled her sinuses.

(So easy) she realized. (So easy to crawl in here and drown) She blew out quickly, her bangs lifting slightly at the breeze. She looked back over the ocean, watching a bird circle and then dive towards the rippling surface.

"Easy life for you, bird," she snorted. "Wish I was like you; nothing to care about except getting my next meal, mating and finding some poor beachgoer to shit on as I fly overhead. Simplicity."

She stood and walked closer to the edge of the water, walking on the wet compacted sand, watching the water flow and then drain back out with the tide. Her bare feet made imprints that filled with sea water and then faded away. She wished the feelings of shame and regret would disappear as easily.

All the things I did; they are so horrible. How can anyone want me after all that? I mean, I didn't want to do it. That has to count for something, right?

She brought the bottle to her lips, pressing it down on her bottom lip and tipping it up. She paused then, as the alcohol splashed against her still closed lips. Suddenly, she heard Spencer's voice in her mind, telling her that she loved her and always would, that nothing she told her would change that. Words that Ashley treasured and had believed as the truth. Spencer was not a liar so Ashley had always believed her.

Standing there under a setting sun, with cold water licking at her toes and a bottle of escape at her lips, she realized, with a jolt, that Spencer still did.

I freaked and she didn't. She never told me to stop when I kissed her neck. She keeps pulling me close when we're together, keeps kissing me when I stay away, scared to kiss her. She still...looks at me with such love. How can I doubt someone like Spencer? What am I so fucking afraid of?

She lowered the bottle and then tipped it over, watching as the tawny liquid splashed into the surf. Ounce by ounce it drained away, taking with it some of Ashley's self-loathing. She was turning away from her usual self-destructive coping mechanisms to find a new way. And that was because of the changes in her that Spencer had brought about.

She smiled as the last of it slipped into the vast body of water and put the cap back on before flinging it as hard as she could into the ocean. It landed fairly far out with a small satisfying splash.

(Probably shouldn't be littering like that) she realized a moment later. Shrugging now that it was too late, she turned around to grab her shoes and head back to her car. What she was going to do from this point on was beyond her. But she was determined to get through all of it as a responsible and sober adult.

I need to get to Spencer. If she'll let me.

Spencer sat on her bed, staring at her cell phone, sitting idle in her hand. She had called and texted Ashley over and over, left frantic and concerned voicemails but her girlfriend, (she hoped to God they were still together), wouldn't or couldn't answer her. She called Maggie who hadn't seen or heard from her but promised to keep an eye out and then Aiden who reported the same. She even tried the house at Venice Beach again but without luck. Yet again, Ashley had disappeared.

After a quick explanation to her father about what had occurred, the older man told her to sit tight and wait, that Ashley would be back; he had faith in the brunette and in the fact that she'd grown some, emotionally lately so he advised Spencer to have faith in her as well. She wanted to but the memory of finding Ashley face down and out cold on a dirty comforter at a seedy motel made it difficult.

She sighed, hating herself for the way the afternoon had gotten so out of hand so quickly. All she'd wanted was to be close to her girlfriend again, to feel that closeness and completeness that came from their intimacy. She wanted to be with Ashley; she wanted to feel her, touch her, taste her like there was nothing else going on around them, the way they used to be. More than that, she wanted to soothe Ashley's hurt, chase away all the demons that were chasing her love and show her, make her feel the love that Spencer held for her.

But Ashley was gone, again, running from her demons, her fears and Spencer herself.

I should have talked to her, Spencer thought remorsefully. Should have told her what I was thinking, what I was feeling. I should have done more to let her know that I still loved her and that nothing had changed.

She wiped at her eyes, the tears seeming to come without her noticing and jumped when the front door slammed. Sighing, since it was only Glen or Clay, she looked back down at her phone and tried to will it to ring.

Ashley drove, somewhat erratically back to the Carlin home. She needed to get back to Spencer, to make her see she was trying, that she was willing to work with her girlfriend, (she really hoped she hadn't just trashed their relationship by running) at getting through this. There was no 'getting over' this, Ashley knew; it wasn't something that you ever got over. But, what she could do was process it, talk about it, stop hiding from it and share her hurt and her fear and trust that Spencer would still be there, strong and safe. Once she did all that, it would pass and be part of her, yes, but it would also be part of the past.

Her tires squealed as she rounded the last corner onto the street Spencer lived on. She would have called to tell Spencer she was on her way but she'd dropped the phone somewhere in the car when she started throwing her blanket and stuff back into it and was unable so far to find it. It wasn't important anyway; she knew Spencer wasn't going to go anywhere and in fact, was probably going crazy looking for her.

I'm not gonna think that she's glad I'm gone, Ashley told herself firmly as she pulled into the driveway. Unless Spencer tells me otherwise, I'm gonna think we're fine and show her how I feel. She got out of the car, frowning at the garbage cans lying dented in the grass. And I need to replace those asap.

She charged through the door and almost directly into Arthur Carlin who was standing at the bottom of the stairs.

"Sorry Mr. C," Ashley gasped, slightly out of breath. Arthur smiled at her.

"She's upstairs in her room," he said, mostly to Ashley's back since she was already halfway up them, taking them two at a time. His smile widened; he'd seen the changes, however small, that had taken place in the young brunette in recent weeks. He knew she'd be back relatively soon and tried to make that clear to Spencer. His daughter had her doubts but Arthur hadn't. This was Ashley's home so he knew she'd be back.

"Come on, Kyla," he said to the smaller brunette sitting in front of the television. Clay was out with Chelsea and Glen was at a party so it was up to him to clear the house of any interlopers. "Let's go get some ice cream."

123.

Spencer jumped straight up off the bed as her bedroom door, unlocked in case Ashley came back and she had dozed off, flew open with enough force to slam into the wall, creating a small, door knob sized hole in the plaster. The blonde didn't notice, staring as she was, slack-jawed at the brunette framed in the archway. Ashley's eyes were red, proof of her tears while she was gone and they were wild, slightly unfocused. She was looking at Spencer with an indecipherable expression.

"Ash...ley?" she stammered. She was torn between the impulse to run to the door and wrap her arms around the thin girl; run up to the door and slap the girl silly; or scramble further up in the bed, away from the girl. Right now, her instincts had her doing the last on that list until she was against the headboard with a pillow clutched in her arms. She swallowed thickly and tried her voice again.

"Ashley?" it was still soft but stronger and in the right pitch. "Baby? Where did you go? Are you all right?" Her need to make sure Ashley was all right overrode her nervousness caused by her odd behavior.

"Do you trust me?" Ashley asked from the door, her eyes two blackened orbs of intensity rooting the younger girl to the spot. For a moment, Spencer couldn't answer, stricken speechless as she was by the sight of her girlfriend and the heat that seemed to be rolling off her in waves distorting the view of the hallway behind her. Spencer blinked a few times to clear the illusion from her vision.

In the time it took her to do so, Ashley had shut and locked the door and then crawled onto the bed in front of Spencer on her hands and knees. As Spencer watched, stunned, Ashley crawled up close to her, close enough for Spencer to smell the ocean on her, telling the blonde where her lover had gone earlier and spent her afternoon. It actually made Spencer feel better knowing that Ashley went to the beach and had stayed somewhat safe and not resorted to her old ways. Spencer couldn't smell any alcohol or the such on the girl, which added to her feelings of relief. She realized her father had been right, Ashley was growing as an adult.

Ashley reached out her hands to Spencer's face, frowning when the taller girl automatically flinched backwards slightly; her heart broke at the reaction but she was determined to press forward. She knew what she needed, what they as a couple needed at that moment and she was going to try and make Spencer understand.

"I'm not going to hit you," she whispered, barely audible over the pounding of Spencer's heart in her ears. "I'd never, ever hit you." She put both hands on the sides of Spencer's face and drew her close, almost touching noses. Blue eyes were wide with confusion, apprehension, and surprise. Ashley hoped that the small tinge of fear she saw would fade quickly.

Before Spencer could say anything, Ashley pressed their lips together in a hot, insistent kiss. The feel of Ashley's lips on her own was usually enough to make Spencer's head swim but add to that the intensity she could feel in the touch, the love and need, she felt her bones seemingly melt and was glad she was sitting down because she knew if she hadn't been, she would have been knocked off her feet.

Lips slid across lips, moving closer, pressing harder. When Ashley's tongue slid in during a gasp, hot and demanding, Spencer felt herself begin to flood at her center. Her hands were still at her sides but now were clenching handfuls of comforter in them while Ashley's slim fingers kept her in place, swimming in the kiss.

Ashley pressed impossibly closer, desperately needing Spencer to understand her, to feel her love, her need, desires and her fears. Words were usually her thing but this time she had none; she had only herself, her kiss and touch to show Spencer how she felt and what she needed. She tried to pour every ounce of herself into the embrace, everything she was went into her lips and passed on to Spencer who took it all without complaint.

The kiss broke seconds, minutes, days later, Spencer had no idea. Her head was spinning from more than lack of oxygen. Slowly, she opened her eyes to see deep, soulful brown ones looking back at her. For the first time in over a month, she saw just Ashley, no pain, no anger, or fear; she didn't see the devastated, broken girl whose mother abused her. She saw, just Ashley, just the girl who loved her. Just the girl she loved.

"Do you trust me?" Ashley repeated. It took a few moments for the blonde to tear herself away from those eyes, those fathomless chocolate depths that were so open and loving, full of trust and need for her. She coughed a little, to clear her throat of the lump that had taken up residence before she could speak.

"Of course I do," she whispered. "Never doubt that, Ash..." she was cut off by her girlfriends lips again. This time she knew that they were bruising in the power behind them. But Spencer didn't care; Ashley was initiating it and obviously had a reason to do so. So, she let herself go, kissing back with as much ferocity as she was getting.

Instead of gasping in pain when she felt Ashley bite hard enough that her lip split, she growled and pushed herself closer. Her hands left the comforter to move to the lithe body pressing against her. One wrapped around Ashley's neck and tangled in wild curls, pulling her closer while the other found its way to the older girl's waist, just under the hem of her shirt. Ashley's skin was hot under her palm, smooth and flexing as the girl moved.

Ashley left Spencer's lips, licking a little at the wound she left there before she moved to the blonde's ear and neck, sucking, nipping and licking as she went making Spencer moan and hiss. The feel of Ashley's teeth on her skin wasn't as soft as she expected; Ashley was definitely leaving marks and possibly breaking skin in some places but some part of Spencer understood. She wasn't at all afraid and surrendered herself to the older girl.

"I need you, Spencer," Ashley whispered, her hot breath washing over the younger girl's ear and making her shiver. A tongue then darted in and around the sensitive organ turning the slight shiver into a full bodied tremble. Before Spencer realized it, Ashley had pulled her shirt up over her head, leaving her in just her bra. Not that she minded since the smaller girl was now traveling down her neck to her collarbone, across to the other side where she repeated her actions.

"Ashley," Spencer breathed as her girlfriend's hands made their way to her lace clad breasts with intent. Her back arched when Ashley pinched her erect nipples through the material, hard enough to reach the point of painfulness but instead of hurting, it only sent currents of desire and heat to her center which she knew was soaked already.

"You're mine," Ashley husked, one hand moving down to cup Spencer's center through her pants. The blonde's hips jolted uncontrollably at the touch and she moaned, loudly. Spencer couldn't respond with Ashley putting pressure on her hot core. The brunette was expertly building her need to previously unreached heights and she was still half clothed.

"Ash..." Spencer whimpered as Ashley bit down on her earlobe sharply. She felt like she couldn't get enough air and the room was unbearably stuffy and thick. She knew that she felt that way because of the girl above her.

Ashley pushed down on her center again, moving slowly, creating friction that Spencer's hips moved to seek out. At the same time, the older girl's lips and tongue didn't stop their determined torture of Spencer's ears, neck, collarbone. She was leaving marks, they both knew but neither cared. This was them, at their most open, vulnerable and raw.

"Ashhhhhley," Spencer moaned, her head falling back and her hips going forward for more pressure on the ache between her legs.

"Fuck, baby, you make me so hot," Ashley swore, returning to her girlfriend's tempting lips. "I want you so much...need you so much..." The words made Spencer burn that much hotter and the fluttering of her lips against her as she spoke made her squirm in place. Their panted breaths mingled together, puffing against their faces. Somehow, knowing she was breathing in Ashley's air made Spencer feel even closer to the older girl.

"Love youuuuu...yowch!" Spencer yelped when Ashley bit down hard on the junction of her shoulder with her neck. Ashley moved back up to the wounded girl's ear and licked the shell, sending more shivers through her.

"Mine," Ashley growled low and Spencer felt it rumble through her entire body. More than that, she felt it deep inside, where it mattered. She was Ashley's; Ashley's was hers and right now, Ashley needed to stake her claim.

Spencer lifted her hands and put them on Ashley's shoulders, pushing her body away just far enough so that she could look into Ashley's smoldering eyes, half lidded and full of desire.

"Yours," she replied, barely more than an exhalation. She then relaxed her body completely, her way of showing Ashley she wouldn't fight her for dominance right now, that she understood Ashley's need and what she was trying to say through actions. She watched Ashley's eyes grow impossibly darker and swallowed as the dark pink tongue she knew could and probably would torture her to unbelievable heights of pleasure slipped out to lick kiss-bruised lips.

A slow smirk spread over Ashley's face, causing Spencer's heartbeat to speed up even more.

124.

"Holy God," Spencer breathed as her back arched. She was down to just her panties, having been stripped of the rest by her girlfriend's demanding hands. Ashley was also only in her black thong, which was teasing to Spencer's hungry eyes. They hadn't been together in weeks and she was dying to touch that fantastic body in front of her.

"Oh fuck," she moaned as sharp teeth bit down on her right nipple and she realized that Ashley was probably going to kill her before she got the chance.

(But what a way to go) she decided.

Ashley's fingers danced across her heated core, growling in lust at the slick wetness she felt through the cotton material.

"You are so wet for me, baby," she husked, her lips playing with the area around Spencer's right nipple, tickling, teasing, making the blonde burn for her girlfriend. She knew Ashley needed to do this her own way but the waiting was killing her. She could feel how wet she was; it was soaking through her panties and dripping down. She was afraid she was going to stain the sheets but then realized, she didn't care.

"You have no idea what you do to me, Spencer..." Ashley said, her voice gravely. "What this body of yours does..." she nipped at the space between perfectly shaped breasts, eliciting a small yelp from her girlfriend who made no effort to stop her. "The thoughts I have about the things I wanna do..."

"Yeah," Spencer whimpered unable to elaborate more. She was losing her ability to control her body, her voice and her mind. Ashley was going to drive her insane, it was that simple.

"You're so soft," Ashley went on, her voice so thick it felt like a caress on its own. "Smooth..." Her hands weren't idle; one was kneading the breast Ashley wasn't teasing with her mouth and the other was stroking Spencer's side. Their legs were tangled together but Ashley had put herself up against Spencer in such a way that she couldn't grind anywhere helpful. It was unbelievably frustrating.

"You taste so fucking good," Ashley told her. "Sometimes...when you're not looking, I look at you, at this...body and I swear...I can still taste you, in my mouth, on my tongue..." She moved back up to the blonde's mouth, capturing it in a hot kiss, her tongue sweeping across already parted lips that were waiting for her. "And I need you...I think about taking you right then and there...fuck wherever we are because I want you so damn fucking much..."

"Ashleeeeeeeeeeeey," Spencer whined, high in the back of her throat. "Please..."

"I see other people, looking at you," Ashley grumbled, her hot breath tickling Spencer's neck as she moved down again, pressing her weight against the taller body, Spencer's scorching wet core now against her hard abs. The younger girl automatically pressed upwards seeking more friction. "They want you...I can see it...they have no fucking clue what you can do..."

"Only you," Spencer panted, her arms going up above her to grasp the bars of her headboard with white knuckles. "Fuck Ashley...only you..."

"Oh, I know," Ashley smiled, her grin nothing short of predatory. Teeth bit into the soft flesh just below Spencer's left breast, another mark to show that she was Ashley's. "We know that...but they don't...and they look...but I'm the one that gets to touch...taste..." She pressed two fingers hard against the wetness she felt soaking through Spencer's panties, coating her fingers.

"I'm the one..." she hissed lowly, her chest rumbling against the skin of Spencer's sensitive belly. "Inside...gets to thrust...take you, feel you..."

"Uhg..." Spencer groaned, her eyes closed tight. She couldn't believe the things Ashley's words were doing to her. Absently, she hoped no one was home because she knew there was no way with Ashley acting the way she was, that she was going to be able to stay quiet. "Aaassssh..."

"My name that you cry as you come," Ashley declared possessively. Spencer wanted to cry; there was nothing she wanted more in that moment than to come for Ashley, for her lover.

"Please," she gasped. "Make me come, Ashley." She opened her eyes to look at her girlfriend, who had been through so much and was finally starting to take control of her life. The look on Ashley's face caused a mini-tremor to rocket through Spencer; her eyes were almost glinting in the light and the want, desire, and love was pouring off of her directly to Spencer.

"Oh, I will, baby," Ashley promised huskily. "Over and over and over again..." To punctuate her point, her stripped Spencer's panties down her long legs, letting her tongue trail down them as well. The contrast of the air cooling the area licked made the blonde shiver slightly.

Ashley moved back up, stopping over Spencer's wet core, looking and breathing in the scent of her girlfriend's arousal. Spencer always got incredibly wet when they had sex but Ashley had never seen her this thoroughly aroused. She held up the underwear she had just removed, marveling at how they were soaked right through and she'd barely even begun to touch the younger girl. Her mouth watered, knowing how good Spencer tasted.

"You really want me," she breathed, watching Spencer's hip twitch as her breath washed over the sensitive area.

"Yes!" Spencer agreed, one hand leaving the bedpost to make a fist and bang on the bed to emphasize her point. She then ran the shaky limb up over her face, to clear the sweat from her eyes and through her hair, pulling at it roughly to distract herself from the thundering need between her legs that Ashley was rudely, in her opinion, teasing.

"You're soaked," Ashley pointed out, somewhat needlessly since Spencer could feel the moisture flowing. She'd never been with a 'dominant Ashley'; even the night in the hotel when Ashley took control, she was sweet, gentle, careful. This time, Ashley was powerful, primal but at the same time, Spencer knew she was safe and her body reacted to that.

"So hot..." The feel of two fingers slipping deep inside her made Spencer scream in pleasure and relief, her back arching until her feet were flat on the bed and her hips jolting down to force Ashley deeper. "Tight...God, baby, you are so fucking tight."

Ashley felt the way Spencer's muscles rippled along her fingers, trying to draw her deeper inside the writhing girl. She had been with many girls before Spencer but there was something about the way Spencer felt in her hands that put everyone else to shame. The fact that the blonde did not have the same extensive sexual history Ashley did, made the older girl feel special, powerful to be the one who possessed it.

"Close..." Spencer whined, the slow in and out thrusting Ashley was doing, along with some sort of circling motion inside her with her fingertips was sending her closer to the edge that she'd already been dancing on the cliff of.

Ashley felt the tell-tale pre-tremors she knew were a sign of Spencer's impending orgasm and she chuckled.

"You are, aren't you?" she teased, moving with a little more purpose. She curled her fingertips upwards, looking for Spencer's sweet spot.

"GOD!" Spencer screamed, climaxing hard. Ashley moaned, feeling the already tight muscles constricting repeatedly around her fingers, squeezing almost painfully.

"That's it, baby," she coaxed. "Come for me."

"Oh Ashley!" Spencer cried, pulling at her own hair as her girlfriend's fingers kept moving, slowly, drawing out her pleasure. As her bliss started to ebb slightly, she could still feel Ashley rubbing against her g-spot deep inside. It was causing small aftershocks to make her muscles clench repeatedly.

"God, Ash, that felt so good," she moaned lowly, trying to catch her breath. However, the feel of those fingers inside her were causing her to begin panting in desire again.

"I know," the brunette agreed with a devilish smile. "This is going to feel even better." Before she could ask, Spencer felt Ashley's fingers suddenly deeper, rubbing harder and sending her spiraling towards another powerful orgasm.

125.

"Oh God," Spencer cried out as Ashley expertly stroked what she knew to be her g-spot. The touch, deliberate in its intention was making her insides vibrate in a deliciously pleasurable way. "Aa...aa...ashhhhh..." she stammered, unable to get her voice to work.

"Remember that day?" Ashley husked, her voice low. "In my car. The way you felt; the way I made you come so hard?" Spencer briefly flashed back, remembering that wonderful afternoon that they'd shared before so much happened and took them away from that happiness. She saw Ashley, bathed in a light sheen of sweat, lit from behind by the afternoon sun through the car window. She'd been glowing as she worked Spencer's body into a frenzy, same as she was doing now.

"Ye...yessss," Spencer hissed, grinding her teeth together as she pumped her hips to meet each of Ashley's thrusts. She tried to control the way her body was jerking erratically but it was beyond her, completely in Ashley's control. She was at Ashley's mercy; and she loved it.

"Did you like that? Did you like the way I made you feel?" Ashley growled. She didn't really need to hear the answer and Spencer knew it; the blonde's body was answering for her. "I'm going to make you do that again, baby." Spencer shivered violently, her legs opening and closing involuntarily as her hands clenched at the bed sheets.

There was no where she could put her hands that would give her back even a fraction of the control that Ashley now demanded. The brunette's fingers were gathering strength and speed and her hot mouth was now sucking ardently on a sensitive nipple.

"Oh Christ, please," the blonde begged, near tears. For a moment, Ashley feared that Spencer was in pain but a glance up into lust glazed blue/black eyes eased that worry immediately.

"You want me to let you come?" she asked in a low rumble. She was captivated by the wanton look in Spencer's eyes, knowing that she'd brought Spencer to a new place the young blonde had never traveled, so far into her need and desire that she was totally enraptured.

"Pl...eeeeeeeeeeeeease..." Spencer whimpered. Her skin was tingling almost painfully all over her body as she roared towards another orgasm. She felt Ashley's knowing fingers deep inside reaching places she didn't even know existed.

"You're gonna come for me," Ashley grunted. "Gonna gush everywhere and I'm gonna lick every single fucking drop up. Then I'm going to clean you with my tongue and make you come again."

"Gon...na...kill...me..." Spencer cried as she felt it start. Her head flew back and her mouth opened in a silent scream as she came, just as Ashley had promised, just like she had that day in the Cayenne. She'd looked it up on the Internet after the first time it had occurred and while that had added to her initial embarrassment, she understood better what was happening and let herself go. She felt Ashley's hot mouth suddenly envelop her spasming sex and it only added to the intensity.

"Ugggnnn! Ashley! GOD!" she screamed when she finally found her voice. With each contraction of her inner walls, more bliss and pleasure rippled through her, plus she could feel every tiny movement of Ashley's fingers inside her and the way her tongue was slowly stroking her inflamed lips.

"Oh fuck, Spencer," Ashley breathed as the contractions began to taper off and the blonde lay whimpering and panting heavily. "You taste so fucking good." She started the job of cleaning up all the moisture her ministrations had produced that she had overlooked since she didn't want to miss a drop of the sweet tasting nectar that Spencer produced during climax.

Spencer heard her but couldn't respond; all she could do was lie there and rock her hips involuntarily with each swipe of that talented tongue. She felt like she was floating, her skin vibrating and ears buzzing. She opened her eyes and looked at the white ceiling of her room, not seeing anything but sparks and white. She was literally blinded with pleasure.

"You mean so much to me," Ashley whispered as she licked and sucked the different spots she knew brought Spencer the most pleasure. Now that the blonde had climaxed so hard, proving to them both that Ashley still aroused and excited her, some of the urgency Ashley had felt earlier faded and left her stripped of that bravado.

"I need you so much," she went on, lifting Spencer's limp legs to put them on her shoulders, giving her complete access to the younger girls still quivering core. "I need you to know that...I need you to need me."

The desperation in her girlfriend's tone was enough to break through Spencer's blissful haze enough to let her know she needed to answer.

"I do need you, baby," she husked, twitching slightly as she felt the stirrings of another orgasm building low in the pit of her stomach as Ashley lavished attention to her hypersensitive clit. She tried to push Ashley away so that she could think and make her understand.

"Do you want me to stop?" Ashley asked, lifting her head slightly. The dark intensity of her eyes made Spencer swoon all over again.

"Nooooo..." she breathed. Ashley went to lower her head again but Spencer held her in place. "But..." she swallowed, her mind fuzzy and her growing need making it hard for her to concentrate. Especially when Ashley slowly licked her wet lips as she gazed at Spencer's soaked core.

"I need you; I love you, Ashley," Spencer said quickly, anxious to get back to what they were doing. "Not just like this. Always, every day. Good and bad. All of it."

Ashley was suddenly back on her, her mouth hot and demanding as it slipped inside where her fingers had only just exited. Spencer screamed in pleasure, lifting her hips to get impossibly closer to the source of her torment.

Ashley wrapped her right arm over the thigh shaking next to her head and put her hand palm down over the top of Spencer's mound, letting her thumb drift down to tickle and stroke Spencer's erect clit. She kept up with her tongue, slipping in and out of the hot throbbing channel as she felt Spencer get closer to climaxing again.

"That's it, baby," she urged between thrusts, her thumb moving impossibly fast. "Do it again for me! Come again, all hot and wet..."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!" Spencer yelled as she orgasmed again, this time the roar in her ears drowning out anything else. For long moments she floated in a sea of bliss until the roar became too loud and she suddenly passed out.

126.

Ashley held the blonde as she cried, a few hours after she passed out from the intensity of her orgasms. After Spencer had gone limp, Ashley had pulled up the blankets and held her tightly, hoping that they had both turned a corner in their relationship. She hoped that Spencer had understood what was driving her actions and wasn't upset with the somewhat rough and demanding way she'd come at her. Although now she had a little better understanding of Spencer's anxiety after a particularly rough romp.

So when Spencer had woken up, eyes still slightly glazed with passion and looked at her, her indigo eyes seeming to search Ashley's with intent and purpose, Ashley had stayed perfectly still and silent. She wanted Spencer to find what she was seeking without words. She tried to put everything she was feeling into the stare that they were sharing. As tears began to fall from the blonde's expressive eyes, Ashley knew she was understood.

"Ssshh, baby," she cooed, whispering in one of Spencer's ears as the girl sobbed. "I'm right here; I came back. I'm never leaving you again; I'm never going to run again, I promise you."

"Ash...ley," Spencer cried, all of her pent up pain and hurt, anger and fear from the past few months rushing up and overwhelming her. She'd woken up feeling so safe and content and then it all hit her when she saw the love, need and trust in Ashley's eyes. She'd been fighting for so long to hold herself together, to be the strength that her abused and wounded girlfriend could draw from that she hadn't had time yet to really process everything in her own head.

"I know you love me, baby," Ashley continued. "And I know that nothing that's happened in my past changes how you feel. I'm scared that I might be wrong but until you tell me otherwise, I'm going to believe that you want me; that the things I had to do as a child don't disgust you...or, I mean, make me disgusting to you since anyone would be disgusted by the things my mom put me through."

"I'm going to trust in the things you tell me," she promised. "I'll trust you to tell me if I've done something wrong and to stop assuming that you think the horrible things that I'm scared sometimes that you hide from me. I don't mean to be so insecure, Spencer. I just...there's never been anyone that I could rely on; everyone always hurts me or uses me for something." Watery blue eyes lifted to look at her.

"But never you, Spencer," Ashley said with a half-smile. She wiped at the tears on the younger girl's face lovingly. "You've only ever asked me to be me, whatever that was, to be there for you and to trust you. You don't want my money or anything like that, like everyone else."

"I only want you," Spencer sniffled burying her face in Ashley's chest. "I don't care about money or who your Dad is. All I've ever wanted was your love and trust."

"And it's yours Spencer," Ashley promised. "All of me." She sighed and tried to gather her thoughts. "Spence, it's hard for me, knowing that I dragged you into this...thing, my past. I mean, it was always there in the back of my mind...some days it was more prominent than others but it was there. And I got involved with you, knowing that you might find out, that I might get to a place where I could trust you enough to tell you."

"I never meant for you to discover the truth about it the way that you did; I always had plans to be honest about it. But you saw what happened with the one person I trusted with everything, how she turned on me and used it as a weapon. I knew that was a possibility with Madison. But I thought I knew her better than that and that I could trust her. That experience has made me really not able to trust people, even those I should. Even you."

"But, I'm working to change that," she said when Spencer's mouth opened to comment. "You've never given me a reason not to trust you. Even when I've made it virtually impossible to even trust me, never mind love me, you've been this fantastic rock that I can rely on. And your family has accepted me...OK, everyone but your mother..."

"Her loss," Spencer whispered, burrowing close to the warm body and loving every sincere and heartfelt word that was flowing almost with surreal ease from Ashley's usually tight lips. The walls were literally collapsing as Spencer watched.

"And yours, Spencer," Ashley pointed out gently. "She's your mother and I hate being what's ruining your relationship with her. I know you love me, Spencer but she's your mother, your family and I don't want you to lose that."

"I won't," Spencer said firmly, lifting her head slightly. "I see her twice a week and Ashley, in not accepting you, she's not accepting me. You are not why I'm gay; I simply am. Yes, I love you; I'm in love with you. You are a huge part of my life and if she can't deal with it, then I can't deal with her right now. You are what's important to me. She's my mother; that won't change. I know she loves me even if she's being a jerk about it."

"She may be a jerk about you being gay," Ashley smiled slightly at the term 'jerk' finding her girlfriend adorable. "But at least she loves you, you're right. My mom...I don't think she's capable of love and I am so terrified that I'm just like her."

"You are NOTHING like that monster," Spencer growled. The mere mention of Mrs. Davies made the blonde's blood boil. She hated the way that Ashley put herself down as often as she did but understood that it was her way of expressing her insecurity and it was also the way Ashley was taught to view herself. Spencer was ready and willing to listen to those insecurities and rebuff them as often and for as long as she needed to but the one thing she wouldn't continue to let Ashley think was that she was anything like the monster who had raised her.

"I know that, kinda," Ashley sighed. "I'd never do to my child what she did to me...what she does to me..." A lone tear slipped down Ashley's tan skin but was quickly caught and wiped away by Spencer's loving touch.

"You could never hurt anyone like she's hurt you, baby," the blonde whispered. "You're just not capable of it."

"I'm sorry that the things I've done make me so insecure..." Ashley looked away, unable suddenly to meet Spencer's eyes.

"Stop," the younger girl said gently. "You have nothing to apologize for, Ashley. Anyone who endured what you have would have issues, honey. But instead of suppressing them, you need to face them. Beat them into submission, a bloody pulp and then you can move on."

"I just...sometimes it rushes up on me and I feel so dirty and used," Ashley admitted, ashamed. "And I wonder how you can love me so." Spencer smiled, her grin bright and loving.

"Because you're Ashley," she said simply. "You're not dirty or used or any of the other things you're so scared you are. You're this wonderful, strong person with so much love to give. And that's all I need."

"There are these other times," Ashley's voice dropped to a barely audible whisper making Spencer strain to hear her even though she was literally in the older girl's lap. "That I think about the things I've done and what's been done to me and this little egotistical part, one that's bitter and jaded that says that I deserve you; that I've suffered enough and it's about fucking time that I got something good out of life." Spencer let out a joyful laugh.

"Well, you do," she agreed. "And you should let that little piece of yourself out more often."

127.

"Take a picture, it'll last longer," Ashley sneered at her half-sister who was staring at her from across the table during lunch. The older girl never lifted her head to address Kyla, instead focusing on her lunch, courtesy of Arthur Carlin and complete with brownies made by Spencer. The wandering hand currently residing on her thigh also had a large portion of her attention. Since their intense love making a few days earlier and subsequent confessional heart to heart, they were almost back to the level of intimacy they'd reached before that night when Ashley's mother had beaten her, setting off the chain of events and realizations that had nearly destroyed them. They enjoyed teasing the hell out of one another whenever they could; the payback later was incredibly satisfying.

Spencer loved that she no longer had to fear touching Ashley or being direct in her feelings and intentions. She no longer feared doing the wrong thing and upsetting the gorgeous brunette, trusting Ashley to tell her when the line of what she could or would tolerate was reached. On the other side of that equation, Ashley trusted Spencer to let her know if something was bothering her, instead of just always assuming that the blonde was disgusted and turned off by her. The hand now very pointedly sneaking beneath the hem of her short skirt certainly told her that Spencer had no problem being attracted to or wanting her.

"Sorry," Kyla muttered, looking down at the tabletop instead.

"Say something if there's something you wanna say, brat or ask whatever is bothering you because you're starting to make me feel like a circus animal," Ashley continued, shifting in her seat slightly as Spencer's fingers got a little too close for comfort. Not that she actually minded.

"And she hasn't had her shots yet," Glen joked around a mouthful of brownie. It was a new set up, the group that sat together at lunch. Two sets of siblings and Aiden all now shared a table each day although Aiden was usually quiet since his altercation with Spencer that morning a few weeks prior. No one mentioned his silence for the most part, or asked Spencer why she could barely look at him. Kyla had started talking to him a little although the red hot glare both she and Aiden received from Ashley cooled that budding friendship.

But still, Spencer knew that she and Ashley needed all the support they could get so she tolerated Aiden. It was really only because of his shared past with Ashley that she bothered anymore, her sense of betrayal towards the tall boy not diminishing in any way even as time passed and she intellectually accepted that he was a child during the time that Ashley was being abused the worst. It still made her livid that he, along with so many others, stood by and said nothing, even when faced with the obvious truth.

Her anger towards Aiden, however, was nothing next to the rage she felt whenever she saw or heard Madison's name. The more Ashley shared with her about her past, the angrier she became at Madison's betrayal of her girlfriend. She couldn't even begin to fathom what kind of person could use the knowledge of something like what happened to Ashley as a weapon, to use it as a way to hurt and control someone like Madison had. She wondered if the evil Latina possessed a soul at all given the things she'd done.

"Grrrr," Ashley growled playfully at the blonde boy, looking up as a fit of sneezes sadly made Spencer remove her hand from its explorations. "Bless, babe."

"Thanks," Spencer said around a sniffle, hoping she wasn't coming down with something. She blew her nose into a napkin and then grinned softly to herself. She'd managed to make it to the cotton barrier of Ashley's panties before she sneezed and, almost like always, her girlfriend was aroused. There was a lingering trace of Ashley's unique scent on her fingertips and it caused her own clit to throb.

"I'm sorry," Kyla sighed, looking up and glaring at her sister. "God forbid anyone try to get to know you..."

"Excuse you?" Ashley snarked with an arched eyebrow. "How is staring at me like a six-legged cow with one eye 'getting to know me'? Trust me, I don't do tricks...OK, I don't do any tricks that I'd show you." She wiggled both her eyebrows suggestively, looking to push her sister's buttons.

"Ashley!" Spencer hissed, laughing.

"Whoa, lalalalalala," Glen said at the same time, plugging his ears, which were red, with his fingers and humming.

"Ooooo," Aiden squeaked leaning closer.

"Ew, just ew," Kyla snapped. "See? God, everything is a fucking joke with you...or becomes some gross comment." Ashley stood up and leaned over the table, causing Spencer to put a restraining hand on her arm.

"And there, right there is why you can't get to know me, you little snot," she snarled angrily. "Your small minded, narrow, petty little pea brain. You wanna know me? Fuck you, Kyla. I didn't ask for you to be thrown at my feet like Dad's fucking dirty laundry. Yet, here you are, making your little snide comments and judging me and Spencer..."

"Like you don't judge me?" Kyla retorted, standing to face her irate sister. "I didn't ask for Dad to drop me off with some strange family and my demented half-sister and her fucking drama..."

"Drama? FUCKING DRAMA?" Ashley screamed, drawing the attention of most of the students at lunch.

"Ashley, hon, calm down," Spencer urged, tugging on her girlfriend's sleeve.

"Kyla, maybe we should go inside..." Aiden offered, trying to help diffuse the situation.

"Look, you little asshat," Ashley lowered her voice to a trembling rumble. "I don't want you in my life, it's that simple. You represent to me everything that was stolen from me and I hate you for it."

"Ash," Spencer sighed, not wanting, despite Kyla's continued inability to comprehend Ashley's life or love, for Ashley to ruin her chances at building a relationship with her newly discovered sister.

"No, Spencer, I hate her," Ashley argued. "But she is still my, God help me, sister. But, you wanna get to know me, Kyla? Then you're gonna have to get over whatever issue it is you have with me being gay, all right? I'm a lesbian and that's not gonna change. That doesn't make you one, as far as I know."

"My sister's a lesbian," Glen said absently trying to lighten the situation. "And I do like women though." Aiden hung his head, expecting a huge blow out from one of the girls at the calmly stated joke.

"And I already have an annoying sibling!" Ashley added, gesturing towards Glen who smiled at his actual sister. Spencer mouthed 'thank you', knowing that her brother had just amused Ashley and lessened her ire. "I'm sorry, the position of annoying talking animal has already been filled. I don't need another one."

"Whatever," Kyla huffed, grabbing her backpack and standing to leave. "Madison was right; you're fucking crazy."

"You need to leave, now," Spencer hissed, angrily. She was beginning to see a film of red covering her eyes. Kyla looked at her, stunned for a moment. "If you're gonna hang out with or listen to that piece of shit Madison, then I was wrong about you. You aren't worth shit if you think that she's the kind of person you should listen to. She's filth and no matter how much all of us try to warn you, you don't wanna listen. Aiden dated her; Glen dated her. They both hate her. Ashley was friends with her and so was I and yet we hate her. It isn't us, it's her."

"Spencer," Kyla started, not wanting to lose basically the only person in the Carlin home other than Arthur who really welcomed her, since Glen was being protective of Ashley and Clay was never around.

"You know, I can deal with your continued ignorance about her and I being gay, whatever. At least with time and getting to know me and Ash, you'd learn better," Spencer added, calming down some since Ashley began petting her back soothingly. "But I can't deal with you being friends with that...bitch, Kyla. You're just a piece of shit like Madison if that's how you feel. Getting to know Ashley isn't easy, trust me. I'm still learning. But what I do know it that you may be Ashley's half sister but you're not even half the good person she is."

128.

After the lunchtime confrontation, Kyla avoided both her sister and Spencer, afraid to even attempt to fix the situation. She wasn't sure what to do; she felt bad and knew that she'd overstepped the boundaries by siding with Madison. She hadn't really sided with the Latina; she was only trying to push Ashley's buttons the way the older girl was pushing hers. She hadn't expected the volatile reaction she got from Spencer who until then had struck her as protective of Ashley but relatively level headed.

"Crap," she sighed, hiding out behind the bleachers smoking a cigarette. She was trying to quit, not wanting the Carlins to know that she smoked but it was a habit from back home, before her mother died and it was still with her. There were moments when she missed her mother's scolding to 'put out that cancer stick' although that lost its appeal when her mother was diagnosed.

She missed her mother; she missed Baltimore and she missed her Dad. She didn't understand why he had just dropped her off with her insane and unstable sister to jet off across the globe without a second thought about her or even Ashley. There was something else going on with the older girl although Kyla only had a vague sense of what it was from that first awkward and disturbing dinner. It didn't make sense to her.

Her father had pretty much been a constant in her life from about the ages of nine or ten. He was a rock star and was away for bits and pieces of time, that was to be expected but he never once mentioned another family, another child. That seemed surreal and evil to her; Raife was loving and attentive most of the time, she couldn't see him capable of turning his back on his own child like it seemed he had done to Ashley.

She tried to imagine herself in Ashley's place; if she'd had her father up until a point and then he was suddenly not around as much, showing up for birthdays and holidays but not there on a daily basis. There were times growing up that she wished Raife were less attentive, like when it came to her dating. Her father had been always informed and aware of what she was doing in her life, even if he wasn't technically married to her mother. It made it hard to imagine that someone, a parent that interested and protective wouldn't notice something like the abuse Ashley apparently suffered when he wasn't around. That wasn't the father she knew.

All she did know was that she didn't want to get wrapped up in Ashley's personal drama. While she did want to get to know her sister, she didn't feel that something as intimate as the things she heard that night at dinner were any of her business; at least not yet. Maybe sometime in the future if they managed to build a relationship, Ashley could tell her about it; at least then they wouldn't be virtual strangers and be pulling at one another in jealousy caused by their father.

To do any of that, she had to confront and deal with her issues with Ashley being gay; Kyla saw that as her first step towards being able to do anything in her attempt to get to know Ashley. But it was scary; she'd already noticed herself wondering what it'd be like to be with a girl, finding other girls attractive and losing her formerly overwhelming interest in guys. She was no where near the angel both her parents thought her to be, quite to opposite really and every inch her father's daughter.

Being around Ashley and Spencer gave her this weird unsettled feeling in her stomach the closest to which she'd call being nauseas. She felt like they could tell to look at her that she thought about what it'd be like to kiss a girl or even have sex with one, like only they could see a flashing sign above her head. She knew it was a ludicrous concept; there was no sign and other than when she hinted at her thoughts about having the same DNA as Ashley and wondering if that made her gay to Spencer that morning, she never did anything or said anything about it. But still, they made her nervous for some reason.

"So, the whore's sister is a smoker," a voice drawled from a few feet away, startling her. Kyla looked over at Madison and rolled her eyes. "Bet the bitch loves that." Kyla threw her cigarette down and grabbed her backpack off the floor.

"Look, Madison," she started as she began to head back towards the building. "I appreciate you being friendly and all but...uh...I don't think that we can be friends cuz..."

"Cuz your whore of a half-sister told you not to be?" Madison glared. "Come on, Kyla, you can think for yourself, can't you? Or are you so desperate to be all fucking 'Brady Bunch Family' happy with Ashley and those goody-fucking goody Carlins that you'll turn your back on me? The only person who'll tell you the truth about Ashley?"

"And what exactly is that truth?" Kyla asked, not liking the venomous tone to the other girl's tone. She felt a new flash of emotion within herself and suddenly shook her head; she was feeling protective of her sister and it stunned her.

"Your sister is nothing better than a two dollar whore on Main Street, Kyla," Madison gloated, loving that she was getting the chance to tell the newcomer her version of things, thereby poisoning the younger girl against her sister.

"Madison, I don't know what the whole story with Ashley is," Kyla sighed, knowing that this situation was not going to end well. "But it's none of my business and I doubt that you know what the whole story so, just drop it."

Madison glared at her in anger. There was no way that this little twerp was going to rob her of her opportunity to hurt Ashley; Spencer either. She owed that little blonde bitch for the broken fingers and the rhinoplasty she was going to need to fix the bump on the bridge of her nose caused when Spencer broke it. She lost Glen because of Ashley's hysterics as well and that did not set well with her. She wanted them all to pay.

"Oh, I know her little 'story', idiota," Madison sneered. "Her mother, the Queen Whore, used to rent her ass out as a sex toy at parties. You'd think that Ashley would say something right? Maybe run away? No, she stayed and I bet she fucking enjoyed it."

The sound of screaming carried over the quad as classes let out and two barely recognizable forms rolled on the ground, clawing, punching, kicking and biting at each other as they yowled and swore. Not quite believing what she saw, Ashley's jaw hit the pavement and she caught sight of her sister, whom she had been moments away from killing at lunch earlier that day, caught up in a painful looking cat-fight with Madison Duarte.

They were both bleeding, their hair wild and they were cursing as they ripped at each other.

"You fucking take that back, you fucking cunt!" Kyla roared, gaining the upper hand and pinning Madison below her where she grabbed the Latina's hair and repeatedly banged the back of her head into the ground. "You fucking shut your mouth, you bitch."

"Get offa me!" Madison screamed, trying to push the younger girl away. She'd seriously misjudged the smaller girl; she hadn't expected the sudden rage and despite her size, Kyla was obviously able to hold her own in a fight. "Fucking crazy bitch! Like your whore sister!"

"She. Is. Not. A. Whore!" Kyla yowled, sounding like a wounded banshee. What little she knew of her sister's childhood had sickened her; she tried not to think about it, ask about it or talk about it. When Madison opened her mouth to say that Ashley in any way enjoyed it, she totally lost her mind. She punched or slammed Madison with each word she spit out. "It's not your business! How fucking dare you make fun of it?!"

"As hot as this is ladies," Glen said loudly as he, Aiden, and Clay moved in to separate the girls from their lethal looking dance. "Enough." He grabbed Kyla around the waist and easily hoisted her up and off of Madison but not before she came away with large handfuls of hair.

"OW! Bitch, my hair!" Madison complained as she unsteadily climbed to her feet and Kyla thrashed about in Glen's arms. Aiden and Clay put themselves between the girls.

"HA HA! I got your weave, you fake bitch!" Kyla announced triumphantly. "Lemme go, Glen! I wanna break the bitches face! Lemme go!"

"Sorry, as much as I'd love to see you do it," Glen said, turning away from a fuming and obviously wounded Madison to face Ashley and Spencer who were watching stunned and amused. "Damn, Ash, is she part hellcat? She's killing my arms here."

"Aw, let her go, Glen," Spencer suggested, laughing slightly and loving the fact that someone else had had a go at Madison. She still wanted to hit the girl herself but seeing Kyla do it had been very satisfying. "Let her go a few rounds with Madison. Maybe then that bitch will learn to keep her fucking mouth shut!" She looked past her brother to Madison who was panting as she stood there glaring back. "I told you to stop running your fat, ugly, lying mouth!"

"She's run her mouth about this before?" Kyla raged, her eyes huge. Her face flushed with rage. "I'm gonna fucking kill you!" She kicked Glen in the groin during her thrashing and he dropped her with a squeak, giving her the freedom to rush at Madison who cringed and hid behind Aiden and Clay.

"Whoa there, tiger," Aiden said, scooping the tiny girl off her feet when she rammed into him. "I can't let you do that."

"Why not?" Kyla growled, trying to break free and get to Madison who was starting to smirk smugly at the younger girl. Clay caught the look and glared.

"Why don't you get out of here, Madison," he suggested, his voice as steely and angry as anyone had ever heard it.

"Why?" she scoffed. "That little puta? Please." Clay took a step forward and lowered his voice.

"We're not holding her back to protect you, so get that thought right out of your tiny mind," he warned. "We'd hate to see someone as nice as Kyla get in trouble for killing a piece of garbage like you. She'd be doing us all a favor if she did. So go home, Madison. And I'm going to tell you one more thing before I start ignoring your existence; if I were you, I'd learn to keep my mouth shut about things I don't know or don't understand. It's not any of your business and if you keep spreading lies and innuendo about it, we're going to let Kyla and Spencer have some private time with you and whatever they don't finish, the rest of us will."

"You threatening me, fag?" she snarled.

"No, he's stating a fact, Madison," Sean said as he joined his friends. "The situation is what it is and I don't think that you're wanted around here anymore. He's giving you fair warning about how things are. None of us have liked the way you've teased and tortured Ashley lately and it's time it stopped. Permanently. Understand?"

Madison opened her mouth to retort but thought better of it when Aiden's grip on Kyla 'slipped' and she made a lunge at her. The Latina stomped her foot and then stormed off, muttering obscenities in Spanish as she left.

While the boys tried to calm a still enraged Kyla, Ashley, silent until then, walked up to Glen who was still curled into the fetal position and crouched down beside him.

"You OK?" she asked, concerned and a little amused. Tear filled hazel eyes opened and looked up at her.

"I think...I think I'm sterile!" he whimpered.

129.

"I can probably guess what made you go all 'Ultimate Fighter' on Madison's ass but," Ashley said as they sat in the Carlin living room after they returned home. She and Spencer had cleaned and dressed any of the really bad scratches and cuts on Kyla, including three deep gouges on her cheek from Madison's nails. Glen was sitting in the armchair with a bag of frozen vegetables on his pants over his own wound, still whimpering occasionally. "What did she tell you?"

"Look," Kyla sighed, flinching as her sister cleaned the last gouge with antiseptic and put first aid cream on it. "Whatever happened to you as a kid, isn't my business. You hardly know me and I understand that you don't like me..."

"I don't know you," Ashley agreed. "And I hate what you represent to me." Kyla nodded, wincing when it made her headache worse.

"I understand that," she said calmly. "And from what I know, I don't blame you. But if it's not my business, it certainly isn't Madison's to go blabbing about to people she doesn't know. I mean, fuck, where does she get off thinking that it's OK to tell people shit like that? And then to say that you fucking wanted it? Enjoyed it?"

Seeing that the younger girl was getting upset again, Spencer put her hand on Kyla's knee.

"Hey, calm down," she soothed with a smile. "Thank you for sticking up for Ashley. It means a lot to me." Kyla blushed and looked away.

"Yeah well," she stammered. "Sister or not, Madison went too far and I just...argh, I just got so angry."

"Where did you learn to fight, Tiger?" Ashley joked, seeing Spencer's attempt to calm the tiny girl and going with it. She'd also heard Aiden call Kyla 'tiger' and decided to play with it.

"Hey, I am from Baltimore, OK?" Kyla smirked. "I know how to handle myself in a fight."

"Apparently," Glen whined from the chair.

"All right," Arthur's voice boomed from the archway, startling them all. "Do I want to know why Kyla looks like she went eight rounds with the Tasmanian Devil and why my son is wearing part of dinner?"

"Ewwwwwwwww," Ashley sounded disgusted. "I am so not eating those."

"That's OK, Ashley, we'll order a pizza," Arthur laughed at the grossed out expression on the teens face even as she carefully checked her half-sisters bandages until she was apparently satisfied. It was strange to him since just that morning, she'd wanted nothing to do with the younger girl and had offered to stuff her in a box and mail her 'smurfette ass' to Madagascar to live with the lemurs. Ashley's always interesting turn of phrase never ceased to amuse Arthur; it betrayed the level of intelligence she truly possessed and tried, for whatever reason, to hide.

"So, is anyone going to tell me what happened today?" he asked again. "I mean, I can go by what the school told me on the phone..."

"Madison," Spencer spat the name like it was poison. "Got mouthy again and Kyla took offense or something."

"She called my sister a whore," Kyla snapped, her face red. She looked at Ashley and saw the surprise and hurt there although she didn't understand it all. "She said that you enjoyed being nothing but a whore..." Again, the older girl flinched as if slapped and it dawned on Kyla that for some reason, Ashley thought she was.

Anyone who went to King High for more than three days would learn about the reputation and rumor that preceded Ashley Davies; they might never meet the girl herself but they would hear the whispers and innuendo that her name brought about. Kyla had heard that her half-sister was the school whore, not caring which gender she screwed as long as she was screwing someone and with her own past, she wasn't in a position to judge. And she'd heard the stories of how she 'converted' Spencer Carlin and how it was only a matter of time before she dumped her like she did anyone else.

The thing was, even in her short time living in the Carlin home, that wasn't the Ashley she saw, watched interact with Spencer and her family. The Ashley she met was deeply hurt by something horrible but also incredibly loving and protective of her blonde girlfriend. The Carlin family was split partially because of her yet none of the others, Glen, Arthur or Clay seemed to hold that against her. They welcomed her, loved her and she was a member of that family. That didn't sound like the person she heard rumors about at school.

Then again, she heard most of the rumors from Madison Duarte and as already proven, that girl wasn't someone you could believe. But what Kyla had noticed on her own was that the two pictures of Ashley Davies didn't match up; she was difficult and stubborn but not manipulative and whorish, unless she just wasn't seeing it and Ashley had the Carlin men and sweet Spencer so snowed they had no idea but Arthur of any of them seemed slicker than that. He worked with troubled teens and probably knew what to look for.

So why Madison's dirty little five letter slur against Ashley hurt the older girl so much confused Kyla. Ashley obviously felt it was accurate and true but it wasn't as far as Kyla could tell. She wondered if one day she'd ever have the whole story and fully understand who her sister was.

"Ash...er...Ashley, I don't know much about your childhood and I know even less about your whole...relationship with Spencer," she started nervously, looking away towards the coffee table. "And yet, I did judge you somewhat from what I heard instead of asking and it's just...I was so excited to meet my sister; I never even thought of what it might be like on your side of things."

"Ky..." Ashley started, running a hand through her hair in thought. She hadn't even considered that her little sister had been excited to meet her and suddenly felt like a world class ass for the way she received her. It wasn't Kyla's fault that things were as screwed up as they were. Spencer was right; Kyla was as much an innocent victim as Ashley herself was.

"No," Kyla shook her head. "Look, I...we got started bad. Dad was a fucking prick who dumped me on you like dirty laundry and I really am sorry. I wish that we could have met like, years ago and maybe known what it was like to have grown up together." Ashley sniffled loudly and Spencer suddenly appeared beside her to hold her and Kyla was struck with a pang of jealousy but pushed it away.

"I won't ask what your childhood was like, Ashley," Kyla said firmly. "If we ever get close enough, maybe one day you can tell me, at your own pace, in your own time. I understand what I represent to you and I won't lie; my childhood was happy. I just wish, now that I know about you, my sister, that I could have shared that happiness with you."

There was silence as Kyla's words sunk in for everyone in the room. No one wanted to speak and break the comfortable atmosphere that had settled in for the first time since Kyla had arrived.

"Thanks..." Ashley coughed and blushed. "For ah...kicking Madison's well padded ass for me." Kyla grinned and shrugged although her body told her tomorrow would not be a pleasant day.

"Hey, no one calls my sister names and gets away with it," she said smugly. "Even if we hate each other, we're blood and that bitch soooo had it coming."

130.

"How did you and Ashley meet?" Kyla asked Spencer the following weekend as they started renovating the loft above the garage into an 'in-law' apartment for Spencer and Ashley to share. Arthur had hired an actual contractor for some of the work, acting out of character and calling Raife for the money for the job since he had essentially taken in both of the rocker's daughters. To save Kyla from having to go stay with someone else and stay at the Carlins, Raife sent much more money than originally asked for so they were now planning on what to do with it.

Arthur wasn't a stupid man; he knew that if he was suddenly flush with money Paula would try to get at it in their impending divorce. He hadn't told his children about the paperwork sitting on his desk in his office, wanting to spare them that pain for a while and let things, finally, settle down somewhat before revealing that news. So, to avoid that issue, he had the money put in Ashley's name with a stipulation that her mother, currently being investigated by DCF and the police, not be allowed to get her hands on it. A smaller portion of it was also put in Kyla's name, for her expenses thereby ensuring that both girls were taken care of.

"I bumped into her my first day of school and she dropped her coffee...which was drama, trust me," Spencer smiled, remembering that day fondly. "Along with nearly the entire contents of her messy locker. She bitched me out and I remember thinking 'oh gosh, I am not going to survive out here'. She had me terrified she was going to knife me or something."

"I can see how that would be easy for her to do," Kyla laughed having felt that same intimidation from the tiny brunette. Despite her size, Ashley was a presence unto herself and she carried herself quite well. Then again, it was probably partially due to her small size and the things she'd endured that had made her that guarded and intimidating.

"Yeah, well apparently she was struck by my naïve and innocent appearance because she actually sought me out later that day to apologize," the blonde giggled. Currently her love was at Home Depot with Arthur and Glen, looking at paints, shelving and anything else that caught her eye. Spencer decided to let Ashley have most of the creative control since this was going to be her home as well. She'd given her two cents as far as what she liked but Ashley was so excited that she didn't want to get in the way.

"She actually willingly apologized?" Kyla asked, winded from shock. They were helping to tear down the walls since the contractor, Dale, was going to start fresh in a few days. He'd loved the idea of an interactive project since he had kids of his own around the same age and as long as everyone was safe and out of the way when he needed them to be, he had no problem with it. He and Arthur knew each other since Dale was a foster parent and well liked by Arthur's office for the time and love he gave each of the kids that passed through his house.

"Yeah," Spencer laughed, wiping some plaster off her safety goggles. "You know, I get the sneaking suspicion that Ashley left us here to do the grunt work."

"Nothing sneaky about it," Kyla retorted, using the hammer in her hand to smash into the drywall in front of her and then pulling hard, sending it flying everywhere and bouncing off her hard hat. "She said 'I'm gonna let Spencer and the runt work off some aggression' and then left. She was kinda straightforward about it...heh, Ashley 'straight'..."

"Excuse me, ladies," Aiden said as he strutted by, shirtless, carrying some demo wood out as he left. Both girls rolled their eyes at his attempt to allure them.

"You know, I think I get gayer with every layer of clothing that boy loses," Spencer chuckled. "I mean, honestly, I can see him trying to attract you but he already barked up this tree..."

"And?" Kyla prodded with a smile. Spencer arched a pale brow and smirked.

"A bird shit on him," she decided. "Anyway, so she came to the gym and talked to me; then she showed me LA. It was an above average day, really." Kyla paused and bit her lip.

"When did you...?" she trailed off with a sigh, curious but not wanting to pry.

"Know she was gay?" Spencer finished for her with an understanding smile. Kyla blushed and nodded. "Oh, that afternoon we stumbled onto it, awkwardly. She was really the first like, out gay person I'd ever met. Suddenly, all the things I was told about homosexuals growing up didn't make as much sense and I started thinking...then as we grew closer, I started thinking some more and realizing that 'OK wow, I think I like Ashley' and then I over thought and it went to hell for a bit but, somehow, she and I manage to keep picking each other up and trudging on."

"That's awesome," Kyla said sincerely. Aiden walked back by and stopped to wink at Kyla who smiled back politely. "OK you know what sucks about men?" she asked Spencer after the boy walked away.

"You mean other than in general," the taller girl laughed. "Lesbian, remember?" Kyla nodded solemnly.

"Back hair," the small brunette announced. "It's fucking disgusting." Spencer laughed hysterically.

"Oh my God...wait, Aiden doesn't have back hair," she pointed out between giggles. Kyla shrugged.

"I know," she agreed. "Doesn't make it less disgusting though." They took a few minutes to laugh and calm down before Kyla became serious again.

"So...uhm...how did you, you know?...know? Ug, never mind," she gave an extra hard whack to the wall in frustration. Spencer's hand on her shoulder startled her and she dropped her hammer, barely missing her foot by an inch.

"Easy there, Tiger," Spencer chuckled, watching Kyla turn red at the unfortunate nickname she was now stuck with. "How did I know that I was gay?" Kyla nodded and gratefully took the hammer back after Spencer picked it up, still looking away shyly. "I dunno. Ash and I went over this once...She told me that you have to take the 'are you hot for girls' quiz. First question: heh, who's hotter, Avril or Lindsey?"

"Neither, Pink," she answered. "Avril is a talentless hack and Lindsey, well, that speaks for itself. If it was down to those two...Avril, cuz she's probably got less milage." Spencer nodded sagely.

"Good answer," she said. "Movies, Blue Crush or Thirteen?"

"Blue Crush," Kyla said without pause. "I love surfing. Thirteen was good but Evan Rachel Woods got all freaky now that she's with, ew, Marilyn Manson."

"Yeah, ew, who saw that coming?" Spencer shivered in disgust. "OK, bonus round and remember that this is Ashley's quiz and there's an accuracy of plus or minus three points. Tom kisses Katie, who do you make out with?"

"Katie," Kyla said quickly. "Ew, Tom's fucking creepy. His eyes are all empty and insane looking. Cute kid though."

"I feel sorry that crackpot's her dad," Spencer snorted. "So, in the locker room; do you sneak a peek or look away?" she questioned. Kyla turned bright, almost tomato red, answering the question without speaking. "Relax, it's totally normal, even for a straight girl to look, to compare that sorta thing."

"Ug, I hate this," Kyla muttered, embarrassed. Spencer grinned, remembering Ashley's nervousness during this discussion and thinking about how looking back on it, she should have seen how Ashley felt earlier.

"Look, Kyla, you want my advice?" The brunette nodded, looking pitiful. "There's no harm in experimenting as long as you make it clear to whomever you're experimenting with that right now, it is an experiment. Try not to hurt anyone's feelings. Ashley and I had a lot of that as miscommunication when we first started this weird...dance we ended up in."

"Got it," Kyla said, understanding. "Hey, how did I score?" Spencer pretended to think about it for a minute.

"Somewhere between Ellen Degeneres and Angelina Jolie," she giggled. Kyla's face fell and she frowned.

"Huh?" she squeaked.

"You're curious and possibly less than arrow straight," Spencer said plainly, taking pity on the younger girl. "I gotta ask; is there someone who's caught your eye?" Again Kyla blushed.

"Spencer, I've been here like less than a month," she shoved the blonde with her shoulder playfully.

"So? I met Ashley the first day," she retorted, shoving back and watching the brunette's ears turn pink. "Oh, you so do! What's her name?" Kyla tilted her head and hid behind her bangs shyly.

"Sasha," she whispered. "She's in my Math class. She's real nice." Spencer beamed at her.

"They always are."

131.

"Holy shit!" Ashley gasped, her hand going to cover her mouth. "Are you fucking serious? Sasha Armitage? Fucking volleyball captain? Are you kidding me?"

The three girls were sitting on Spencer's bedroom floor playing a board game, a simple family sort of thing that Ashley had never had the opportunity to enjoy until she met the Carlins. Right now she was losing, badly, at Scattegories but her sister's secret, told in a shy whisper as Kyla tried to avoid looking at either of the older girls, more than made up for it.

"Quiet," Kyla whined as Spencer smacked her girlfriend on the shoulder. Ashley looked at Spencer, her eyes huge.

"Oh come on!" she protested as Spencer gave her a stern look. "Sasha is hooo...attractive, you know, if you like that sorta thing..." She tried to recover from nearly calling another girl hot when Spencer glared. "Stop, Spence, I have eyes only for you but shit, I have eyes. I've known her since grade school and she was a skinny little shit up until last year. Then the hormone fairy beat her over the head with the boob stick! I mean, how the hell does she play volleyball and not lose an eye?"

"Ashley Davies," Spencer scolded. "Are you checking out other girl's chests when I'm not around?" Ashley shook her head.

"No, I'm trying to see past the girls humongous melons in History class," she retorted. Kyla buried her head in her hands in embarrassment. "Awwww, don't hide, Tiger! At least you have good taste. Now, you can't do better than my Spencer here," she tried sucking up but Spencer wasn't really having it, deciding to pout instead. "But Sasha is attractive and smart and if memory serves, not an asshat. I say go for it!"

"You would," Kyla grumbled. "You already have Spencer. I don't even know if the girl is gay. Fuck. I don't even know if I'm gay. Uggg, I wish my mom was still around."

"Oh! Is that what you wanted to know?" Ashley teased. "I thought you were just confirming that Dad's carrying the gay gene. Uhm, Sasha 'I was secretly dating Olivia from the soccer team until she transferred last year' Armitage? Yeah, I'd say somewhat, kinda very lesbianish."

"'Lesbianish'?" Spencer echoed as Kyla's head flew up and hope lit up her face, quickly followed by a somewhat nauseas expression. "Ash, that's not even a word." Ashley shrugged and grabbed a few cheese curls.

"So? It is now," she declared. "I don't wanna play anymore," she said, scrambling up and flopping onto the bed. Kyla looked at Spencer in confusion.

"Is she usually so ADD?" she wondered. Spencer sighed and nodded.

"More so lately, but yeah," she said, looking at Ashley's answer card and sighing again. Ashley had been losing the game and Spencer saw why now; she had been saying she 'couldn't think of a word' for a lot of categories when in fact, her cards were full.

For the letter 's' under crime was scrawled 'statutory rape'; further on were words like 'deviant', 'violation', 'harlot', 'torment', all showing the silent suffering that was affecting Ashley even when she was smiling. The happy attitude of the past few days had lulled Spencer into the false sense that things were all right with her girlfriend and the game reminded her that while things were getting better, they still had a long way to go.

"It's getting kinda late, Ky," Spencer said as she shoved the paper in her pocket and started to clean up. Kyla nodded, seeing the pained expression on the blonde's face for a fleeting moment and knowing that the two other girls needed time alone. She helped Spencer clean up and then said goodnight to Ashley who teased her about Sasha as she left.

"I'm telling ya," Ashley called as Kyla slipped out the door. "Put on a baseball cap and some cleats and she'll be eating out of your hand...for starters." Kyla flipped her the bird and a smile before she shut the door.

Spencer laid down on the bed beside her girlfriend and cuddled in close, just enjoying her warmth and presence.

"You OK?" she asked in a whisper. She felt Ashley shrug and then hold her close.

"I dunno," Ashley said honestly. "It's like...some moments I'm fine and it's not there yelling at me and then suddenly, it all hits me and twists me up inside. I can't explain it. I'm sorry."

"Ash, baby, there's nothing to apologize for," Spencer soothed. "And I may not understand completely since I haven't experienced it but, having you tell me how you feel the best that you can helps me to understand. So don't apologize; just be honest, like you are."

"I feel...haunted," Ashley sighed. Spencer's hands were under the back of her shirt, rubbing soothing circles, her touch not intending to inflame but to calm and it was working, the touch making her feel, somehow, precious and well loved. "I hate that something as simple as that fucking game had my mind churning and flashing. There was nothing there that should have set that shit off. It frustrates me."

"You're dealing with a lot of shit, hon," Spencer said simply. "Things that someone our age should never have to even think about, never mind process and cope with. But you are; and you're doing a great job. I'm not surprised that you're having trouble and no one, least of all me, just expects you to deal with it right away and move on. This is gonna take a long time to deal with, for all of us especially you."

"You always make me feel so much better," Ashley mumbled into the younger girl's neck. "So fucking loved. I can't believe I'm so lucky to have you."

"You are very loved," Spencer chuckled, tickled at the honest admission. Such things weren't easy for Ashley to admit so she treasured it when she did.

"I know," Ashley sighed. "I just gotta remember that I can tell you these things instead of stewing in my thoughts and ending up feeling worse. But, Spence, as much as she's not that bad a brat, I can't deal with telling Kyla all this shit. Too many people know already and it's leaving me feeling like I'm exposed and all...raw. I hate feeling like that."

"I understand," Spencer nodded. "I won't tell her anything, baby, you know that. And you don't have to tell her anything you're not ready to. But, isn't it easier to be nice to her rather than waste the energy hating her for breathing. It's not her fault or yours. Plus, now that she's admitted that she's bi-curious at least, her homophobia makes a bit more sense."

"Ha, I still can't believe...Sasha...I used to be in Girl Scouts with her," Ashley giggled. Spencer laughed.

"Weren't you thrown out of Girl Scouts?" she teased. Ashley pulled her head up and smirked at Spencer with a shrug.

"I ate a brownie."

132.

"So, we're gonna knock out that wall and put the bathroom over here?" Ashley asked as she walked through the mostly skeletal loft above the garage. With everyone helping out to various degrees, the demolition of the area had gone by fairly quickly and she was trying to get a feel for what the area was going to look like. She loved the idea of living above the Carlin garage, mostly because it gave her a sense of home and wasn't just some random apartment. Arthur was offering part of his own home to her and Spencer, to Ashley, that was the ultimate in acceptance.

"Yeah," Spencer nodded, her pink hard hat sliding over her eyes. She slid it back and smiled at her happy girlfriend. There was no way to miss how excited Ashley was about the project. "A full bath is going there and over here is the kitchen which you know between my dad's love of cooking and your dad's money is gonna be awesome. We're gonna get a huge bedroom and a spare room for visitors or whatnot and a nice living room. Oh gosh, Ash, I am so excited! Our own place!"

Ashley wrapped her arms around her girlfriend and hugged her happily.

"Are you sure you don't mind living here at your dad's house?" she asked for what was possibly the four thousandth time since the idea was brought up by Arthur. "Cuz we can get an apartment somewhere..."

"I love the thought of being on our own but still close to my dad," Spencer said, loving that Ashley was so worried about her feelings. "We'll be seniors next year and to be honest, I'm not ready to leave home yet. I don't really feel ready for that kinda stress, having to get a job while going to school..."

"You wouldn't have to," Ashley chuckled. "You know my dad would foot the bill. Or at least I'd make him. It's the fucking least he could do."

"You know I'd wanna help pay," Spencer reminded her. "But with this apartment, here at home, we don't have to worry about that kinda stuff. Kyla can have my old room and not have to worry about bouncing around foster homes until she's eighteen. We'll be this really weird but awesome family."

"Except for your mother," Ashley sighed, pulling away to run a hand through her hair. "You know with me and now Kyla here, she's not coming back." Spencer bit her lip and nodded.

"She's said as much," she responded blandly. "She can't believe he took Kyla in too now. And she was livid about this apartment; she wanted to make this loft into an office for herself or something. I dunno. But yeah, I think one of them filed for divorce and just aren't saying anything."

"Aw fuck," Ashley groaned. Divorce was final; she really had destroyed the Carlin marriage. A strong but gentle grip on her chin drew her attention from her thoughts.

"Don't," Spencer said firmly. "I know what you're thinking and it is not your fault. Stop taking the blame because that woman is narrow-minded. I told you, accepting me means accepting you and she still thinks that this whole thing is a phase that I'll regret." She leaned up and softly kissed Ashley's lush lips, loving their feel on her own. "And there's no way in hell I'd ever regret you, Ash. So, it's all her doing."

They're creepy and they're kooky, mysterious and ooky, they're all together spooky...

"Speaking of mothers," Ashley sighed, reaching into her pocket for her phone. Spencer's eyes got huge.

"Are you kidding me?" she squeaked, frightened for Ashley and whatever that evil woman was going to say. It took her days to bring Ashley back out of her funk the last time that her mother called and this time around, she was bound to be even angrier given the pending charges against her. "Why didn't you delete her from your phone?"

"Spence," Ashley said patiently, seeing the fear in those blue eyes and loving the girl even more for it. "Even if I did, she could still call me." Spencer scowled.

"Then we should have changed your number," she growled. Ashley brushed her thumb over her girlfriend's lower lip to soothe her and smiled sadly.

"You're so cute," she said lovingly. "Shh, lemme see what she wants." She opened the phone and took a deep breath. "Hello Morticia," she drawled.

"I knew I should have drowned you at birth, you little whore," her mother spat. The venom and hatred from the older woman caused a physical pain in her chest; despite everything, she was still her mother and the fact that she hated her so much hurt Ashley.

"But you didn't," Ashley shot back although she could feel herself shaking slightly. Spencer's arms around her waist and the younger girl's head on her shoulder helped ease her anxiety. "So, what do you want?"

"How dare you press charges of child abuse against me!" Christine screamed, making Ashley pull the phone away from her ear slightly. "Didn't I ask you, tell you that if it was so fucking bad you should have left? But you didn't! You stayed; you said nothing to nobody!"

"You threatened me if I did!" Ashley retorted. "I seem to remember being beaten so badly I couldn't go to school for a week at one point. I was a kid! You're my mother and you beat and threatened me! Of course I'm not gonna tell anyone; you fucking terrified me!"

"Hang up on her, Ash," Spencer whispered, kissing the side of her girlfriend's neck. She was scared that the call was going to send Ashley back into a downward spiral and make her run, despite her promise otherwise. But, the fact that Ashley was actually arguing with her tormentor eased her fear slightly. She didn't like that Ashley was shaking in her arms but knew that it was to be expected.

"Did you know they arrested Ramon?" her mother shrieked. "And a few of my other friends? What did you tell them, Ashley Nicole? What little pathetic lies did you tell..."

"I told the truth!" Ashley growled hotly into the phone. The conversation with Arthur Carlin and her therapist a couple of weeks earlier had been one of the hardest things she'd ever had to do but she'd done it; she'd detailed to them, another social worker and attorney some of the things that had been done to her. She named names, wanting to free herself from the pain, shame, and fear that those people and her mother lorded over her with.

"Your version of the truth," Christine argued. Ashley gripped her phone almost tight enough to crack it.

"How can you tell me that telling them what you did, how you charged people money so that they could fuck me however they wished, wasn't the truth? Isn't that what you did to me?" Ashley raged, letting her pain and anger through.

"Ashley!" the woman hissed.

"No, didn't you call me your 'well trained little whore?" the teen asked sarcastically. "You told me that there was no reason for me to go to school or college because I already found the one thing I was good at? Fucking? Maybe you just didn't want to see that it was high society rape..."

"Oh you can't rape the willing, Ashley Nicole," her mother spat, making Ashley's stomach roll. She knew her mother was wrong, she wasn't willing but that didn't stop the small doubt that always tickled at the back of her mind. "And what's this shit where your father's cut me off financially? I hear he's got some little bastard child he left with you. Now he's stopped paying his child support to me for you and I hear that he's paying that little blonde slut's father instead. What did you tell him?"

"The truth!" Ashley roared, now shaking with more rage than fear. She heard her mother gasp in shock on the other end of the phone and it gave her a great sense of satisfaction.

"You told him?" Christine asked, her voice low. "Didn't I warn you? I told you what I would do if you ever told him..."

"Don't threaten me," Ashley snapped. "Don't you dare fucking threaten me. I haven't done anything wrong! You did!"

"It's not a threat, Ashley," her mother rumbled. "You know what I'm capable of. And don't even think that you can stay there with your little fuck friend and her family. Her mother agrees with me that you're just a piece of worthless shit." Ashley felt her blood boil to a whole new level of anger.

"You've talked with Paula Carlin?" she asked in a teeth grinding growl. The shocked gasp from Spencer only fueled her fire.

"Yes," Christine said triumphantly. "She said she's divorcing her husband because of you. How does it feel to know you've ruined so many lives, you whore?"

133.

"All right," Spencer snapped, storming into her mother's office. "What the hell is your damage?" Paula looked up, stunned to see her daughter at all never mind looking absolutely livid.

"Spencer," she greeted. "What are you doing here?" The smaller blonde glared at her mother.

"Honestly, I know you hate Ashley and whatever," Spencer growled. "I don't care; that's your issue, not mine. But how dare you even think about talking to that monster of a mother of hers?" Paula nodded, understanding why her daughter seemed so upset.

"I think I have a right to speak to the parent of someone staying in my house with my children," she responded calmly. Spencer shook her head.

"It's not your house," she reminded the woman. "You made that choice when you walked out so don't even go there."

"All right, fine, Spencer," Paula sighed. "But you are still my child..."

"You can't be bothered to get to know me well enough to hide behind that," the teen pointed out sourly. "You can't control me so you walk away from me instead. That's not a parent, that's a dictator. But I'm not here about you and me; I'm here because for some reason, you saw the need to talk to Mrs. Davies. You rant and rave about Ashley being evil and yet, if there is true evil on this planet, it's her mother and you apparently talked with her. So, I wanna know, what the hell were you thinking?"

"Hon," Paula began, standing up to walk around her desk and get closer to her daughter, to help her understand. "I'm sorry that you can't see past Ashley's lies to..."

"LIES?" Spencer hissed. "Oh my God, you actually believe that Christine is telling the truth? Mom, have you not met, sat down and talked with Ashley? No, you haven't because you can't see past the fact that she's gay. OK, fine, but you know what? I SAW that woman beat her..."

"She provoked her," Paula tossed out, unmoved. Spencer stared at her mother, her eyes wide.

"Mom, I don't care if she set fire to the woman's wardrobe, nothing gives a parent the right or permission to strike or hit their child and make them bleed. You weren't right the times you slapped me and Mrs. Davies wasn't right when she kicked Ashley in the ribs a dozen times. And you know how she provoked her? That bitch called me a whore and Ashley defended me. That's when she started to hit Ashley; because she stood up for me like I'm doing for her now."

"What about her other lies?" Paula asked smugly. "The lies about sexual abuse..." Spencer's eyes narrowed and she could barely contain her rage as a haze of red settled over her vision.

"If you knew anything about Ashley," she rumbled. "You'd know that every word she's said is true. That...monster let people pay to rape Ashley, starting when she was seven. You can stand there, with your pompous 'better than thou' attitude until the end of time but you will never convince me that Ashley's lying. I've seen the damage done by the beatings, physical and mental; I've seen the scars left by the abuse she's suffered. I've wiped away the tears, held her as she shook unable to speak. Ashley is a lot of things but a liar isn't one of them."

"Spencer," Paula sighed. "If it was that bad, then why..." The teen shook her head and raised a hand to stop her mother's words.

"Don't even," she warned. "Don't you stand there, as a doctor and parent and ask me why she didn't tell someone. Doesn't your training in your profession tell you that many abuse victims are threatened into silence? Haven't you faced a situation like this in your job that would make you at least the tiniest bit sympathetic? I'm not asking you to accept Ashley or me; you obviously don't have enough of a heart to even try that but do you think that as a fellow human being, a doctor, a mother, that you could, given the proof that has stared you in the face since the first day Ashley ever walked into our house, maybe give Ashley the benefit of a doubt?"

"Things aren't as cut and dried as that," her mother said flatly. Spencer jammed her hands in her pockets and sighed.

"That's where you're wrong," she responded. "Ashley was abused. Her mother abused her in horrible, monstrous ways. There's no middle ground on that, Mom. Since you apparently have enough free time on your hands to spend with Christine Davies, you don't need to waste your time with me. This is the last time you're going to see me unless you get your head out of your ass. So, in the interest of being a 'good parent', maybe you should hire someone to investigate the woman, to check out her story. There's a reason that she was arrested; they wouldn't just slap the cuffs on her or any of the others that were arrested without proof. They have the proof, according to Dad, in her financial records. During the entire time Ashley says she was abused, her mother was getting money deposited into her account in large numbers. She doesn't have a job and it wasn't coming from Ashley's dad. So tell me, Mom, in your little gray universe, where was that money coming from?"

"Spencer? Could you...uhm...calm down?" Ashley asked meekly as she sat on the bed and Spencer paced in her bedroom. She'd returned from her trip to see her mother way past the point of livid and she was presently, unknowingly, making Ashley uneasy.

"I can not believe that woman!" the blonde seethed. "I mean, how can she not understand? How can she even for a second believe your mother? Has she completely lost her mind?"

"Spencer," Ashley began carefully approaching the younger girl. She knew that Spencer would never raise a hand to her, intellectually; trusting in that in the emotional sense was another thing all together and Spencer's behavior was tripping all of her mental alarms and setting the brunette on edge. "Hon, we both know that your mother isn't the most...logical of people. She hates me and really, what's to hate?" She smirked as Spencer fought a smile at the egotistical remark.

"Gee, let's see," Spencer teased. "Your hideously big ego?"

In reality, the fact that Ashley was taking the phone call with Christine as well as she was relieved her. Ashley had been quiet that night, after the call and Spencer had been afraid to fall asleep, worried that Ashley would take off in the night. It was only when Ashley whispered a promise to be there in the morning that she let herself doze off. She put her trust in Ashley's promise and wasn't disappointed when she awoke to find Ashley sound asleep beside her. She'd stayed instead of running and didn't seem to be spiraling downwards again, instead, she seemed to be fighting to stay afloat and not hiding it. It made Spencer incredibly proud of her girlfriend and the growth she was showing.

Ashley waved her comment off.

"Nah," she scoffed. "I mean, this is the same woman who basically turned her back on you for being gay. She took it as some personal affront that you flame worse than the grill at Burger King..."

"I do not flame!" Spencer argued between giggles, her anger gone even as she mock glared at her girlfriend. Ashley put her arms up over her eyes and fell backwards onto the bed.

"Ow! Oh Spence! Turn it down you're burning me!" she cried over dramatically. "Oh it burns! IT BURNS!"

"You are such a dork," Spencer laughed as she climbed onto the bed with her girlfriend who was giggling hysterically at her own joke. "Ah, I remember! Spazzy Perv!" Ashley opened her eyes and glared.

"I told you I hated that nick name," she warned although her eyes were twinkling.

"You said I flamed," Spencer pointed out. "I had to call you a name too." Ashley leaned over and kissed the younger girl soundly, stealing her breath and making her eyes swirl a dark blue.

"I had to calm you down," the brunette said simply. "You were all 'grr argh' and I didn't like it." Spencer sighed and rolled onto her back to stare blankly at the ceiling.

"I'm sorry my mother is such a tool," she grumbled. Ashley stroked strands of blonde hair away from Spencer's face as she leaned on her elbow and looked down at her.

"So am I," she joked, making Spencer roll her eyes and smile. "But seriously, babe, I don't need her to believe me because you already do. You know that I wouldn't lie about something like this."

"I saw your mother hit you," the taller girl told her. "I know it's not a lie. And how she could even think, for a moment..." Her body was tensing on the bed and Ashley knew she was getting upset again so she draped her own form halfway over her girlfriend.

"Hey, calm down," she repeated a bit firmer this time. "You can't change her, Spencer, any more than she can change you. You're gonna have to learn to let shit like this go, sweetie. Before it eats you alive. Trust me."

134.

A week later, the apartment over the garage was well on its way to completion; apparently having Raife Davies say that money was no object made Dale the contractor work a bit faster since he could buy whatever he and Arthur felt was needed to make the space perfect. He had remarked to the girls as they helped lay down tile that it gave him a certain feeling of freedom that the only people he had to pass ideas through were them and then Arthur for final approval.

Ashley was loving the hands-on approach that they had; learning to lay tile, measure and cut wood and build walls from scratch. She and Spencer were both surprised at how adept the brunette was becoming so quickly in something she'd never considered trying before. But for some reason, working and watching this place that was going to be hers and Spencer's come to life right in her hands was incredibly satisfying. For the first time in too long, Ashley felt like she was accomplishing something good instead of wasting time.

Maybe I should look into carpentry classes or something, she wondered as she worked. At least then, even with my trust fund from Dad I'll have something to do with my time. My music will take up some and then I can make cabinets and things. Oh! I can make little sculptures. That would be awesome. Who would have thought?

"Aw, look at my scrubby baby," Spencer cooed as she entered the work area and saw Ashley in her torn jeans, ratty tee, both of which were stained with paint, drywall and glue. Her hair was bundled under her hard hat, and there were safety glasses and gloves to finish the 'contractor' look. The older girl was covered in random stains on the exposed skin of her arms and face but she was grinning as Spencer returned from grocery shopping. She put her glasses on her hat and wiped her sweaty forehead on a handkerchief that was hanging from her back pocket before she walked over to her girlfriend.

"Hey baby!" Ashley greeted her cheerfully. Spencer hugged her, despite her dirty appearance and Ashley yelped when the blonde nipped her ear hard.

"I am so fucking hot for you right now," the younger girl husked. "All sweaty and...God so hot." Ashley shivered at the tone of the girl's voice and felt the answer in her body to the implication.

"Uh..." she stammered, stunned into a lustful haze. She liked it there. Spencer giggling broke her from it with a shake of her head.

"I'm completely serious but that's not why I'm here," she said, brushing a bit of what she figured was joint compound from her girlfriend's cheek. "Dad wanted to know if you wanted to go out to dinner, his treat. Well, your dad's treat really since it's his money. He's thinking of taking the whole famn damily to like Olive Garden or Red Lobster, whichever we can all agree on."

"Sounds great. Are you dessert?" Ashley teased, loving how Spencer blushed. The blonde leaned in close to her girlfriend's ear again.

"Only if you behave," she growled softly. Ashley crossed her heart and held up her hand.

"I solemnly swear," she vowed, her eyes dark with desire. They leaned in and kissed again, just enjoying the moment, the peace that surrounded them.

"ASHLEY DAVIES I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" came ringing into the apartment space, startling both girls and breaking the spell. Spencer frowned at the loss of peace and tranquility and looked at Ashley who shrugged and arched an eyebrow.

"Well, it doesn't sound like my mother," she said. "Or yours. It sounds much shorter and more annoying. And gayer."

"I swear Ashley if I knew your fucking middle name I'd use it too!" Kyla yelled as she entered the area, her cheeks flushed. Ashley giggled and Spencer looked at her suspiciously.

"What did you do?" she asked, a smile tugging on her plush lips. Ashley looked at her innocently.

"Nothin'," she smiled. The smile was anything but 'innocent' and pure, undiluted 'Ashley' as Spencer knew her from day one, mischievous and fun.

"Nothing? NOTHING?" Kyla parroted, stomping over towards them. "If you did nothing, then how did Sasha get my phone number? If you did nothing, then why did Sasha just call me? ARGH!"

"Oooo she called?" Ashley asked, excited even as her sister glared at her hot enough to melt steel. Spencer smacked her in the chest.

"Stop teasing," she scolded. "Or no dessert." Ashley looked physically stricken. "Kyla, I'm sorry for her. I'm sure she just thought she was helping..."

"Helping? Helping?" Kyla repeated, her voice beginning to reach hysterical level. "How is having the girl I'm crushing on, the first girl I've ever crushed on call me, 'helping'?"

"Kyla, calm down," Spencer soothed, petting the girl on the back as Ashley stood by looking entirely too proud of herself.

"What'd she say?" Ashley asked, earning another whack which she pouted back at Spencer for. Kyla grunted and frowned.

"She called and we talked," she admitted slowly. "And she asked me what I was doing next Friday and I said nothing so now we're gonna hang out and she's gonna show me around LA..."

"Aww, isn't that how you and I started, Spence?" Ashley asked, her voice overly sweet to tease Kyla with the knowledge. She batted her eyelashes at the blonde. Kyla glared at her darkly and Spencer shook her finger at her.

"Dessert," she warned her girlfriend who sighed in response. Really, Spencer was taking all the fun out of the room. "Kyla, I'm sure that it'll be fine." Kyla nodded a little too much making herself look like a bobble headed doll for a moment.

"Oh yeah I'm sure it will be too," she agreed with a sarcastic laugh. "Especially since your dad overheard me and somehow now Sasha's joining us for dinner tonight and I think Glen is crying in his room about all the hot girls being gay and Aiden left in some sorta huff..."

"Drama queen," Ashley muttered. "Although if you think about it, aside from Madison, Aiden's got a great sense of gaydar."

"Reverse gaydar, really," Spencer decided. "All the girls he likes are gay or gayish." Kyla whined and stomped her foot.

"Hello? Remember me?" she snapped. "You know, the one whose sister decided to play matchmaker for and who is now going out to dinner with the girl she likes?"

"Oh hi, still here?" Ashley joked. Kyla rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, Ash, still here," she muttered. She looked pitifully at Spencer. "Now what do I do? I don't know what to say, what to do. Oh god!" Spencer pondered this for a moment.

"Well, I'd start with a shower and then try to decide on what to wear," she said helpfully. Kyla's eyes got huge.

"Oh my God!" she cried. "What am I going to wear?"

135.

"I'm glad you and Kyla are getting along better," Spencer told Ashley as they got ready for dinner. It took a few minutes of debate but the family finally decided on Olive Garden for dinner and Kyla was buzzing around the house like a three year old on a pixie stick induced high, trying to find the right outfit. Glen was on the couch sulking while she ran around frantically and he didn't appreciate the fact that she was asking him how she looked.

"Meh," Ashley shrugged. "She's a brat but whatever." Spencer kissed her on the cheek and smiled at her.

"You're so cute when you try to pretend you don't like someone," she said. Ashley opened her mouth to protest when the door opened and Kyla barreled in.

"Oh my God, I need a different shirt!" she cried, running in and then into a bra-clad Spencer. She stopped and her jaw dropped and she stammered as a blush flew across her features.

"Ss...sorry...uh...yeah...um...Ishouldbemorecarefulormaybeknock..." she managed. Ashley's eyes narrowed and she stood up.

"Knocking is always the best choice," she said flatly. She tipped Kyla's jaw up so that her teeth clacked and shoved her towards the closet. "Mouth shut. Go look in there. You're building your summer home in there anyway." After Kyla disappeared into the alcove, Ashley turned towards Spencer. "We're locking the door from now on when we're in here until we move. I do not need her looking at you all blushy bug-eyed. It's annoying." Spencer pulled on her shirt and looked at her girlfriend.

"You're overreacting," she said, smiling. "But you're cute." Ashley watched the younger girl for a moment before shaking her head. Spencer was so sweet but so naïve sometimes that it surprised the brunette when she didn't see certain things. It also made Ashley wonder if she was just being paranoid and jaded that she did see things in other people's behavior. She decided not to say anything at the moment since everyone was in such a good mood. She figured she was probably imagining it anyway.

Kyla darted out of the closet with something in her hand and went right for the door.

"Maybe this?" she muttered to no one before disappearing out the door.

"Freak," Ashley grumbled.

"Nope, still not buying the whole 'I hate her' attitude," Spencer laughed, making Ashley pout.

"I'm not a lesbian," Glen sulked as Kyla stood in front of him with a short denim skirt and a pink spaghetti strap top on. "So while I think you look hot, she might like you better in flannel and a tool belt."

"Hey!" Spencer smacked him across the back of the head as she walked by. "I don't wear flannel, asshat. And Ashley looked awesome in her tool belt."

"I'm just sayin'," Glen grumbled. "That first it was Ashley who turned out to be gay; then my own sister. I probably shouldn't be surprised that Kyla's gay too. I think it's the water."

"I'm not gay!" Kyla declared while adjusting her hair for the hundredth time. Ashley snorted from the kitchen doorway where she was drinking a Mountain Dew. "I'm not! I'm bisexual...I think."

"Just...make that clear with Sasha, could you?" Ashley asked softly, suddenly serious. "That you're not sure and everything. When I talked to her the other day she was cautious but interested when I told her you were curious. She'd already noticed you but figured you were, how did she put it? 'So straight your back would snap in a stiff wind'. I tried to make it clear it was a curiosity thing right now and she was pretty messed up with the Olivia thing last year so...just be honest Ky."

"I will," Kyla nodded. Her eyes then narrowed and her cheeks flushed. "Wait, she'd already noticed me?" Ashley laughed at her sister's expression and then laughed even harder when the doorbell rang and Kyla 'eeeped' and ran up the stairs in panic.

"Hey! She's your date!" Ashley yelled up after her. She was pretty sure she'd gotten a panicked 'fuck you' from her little sister and found the situation that much more hilarious.

"I'll get it," Spencer sighed, rolling her eyes. She'd wanted the two sisters to get along but she didn't imagine them teasing one another, or Ashley taking to tormenting the younger girl quite so quickly. Still, she enjoyed that relationship more than the angry, antagonistic one they'd had before Kyla had kicked Madison's ass.

"Hey," Spencer greeted a shy and nervous looking Sasha at the door. The girl was a bit taller than Spencer and had long wavy chestnut hair and hazel eyes which were wide with anxiety. She had on a silk crimson blouse that accentuated her bust tastefully and low ride jeans that hugged her hips. Spencer had to admit, at least to herself, that Kyla had taste.

She smirked realizing that both Davies sisters had good taste in women.

"Hullo," Sasha responded, shifting on her feet nervously. She was chewing on her lip as she twisted the stems of the bouquet of flowers she was holding. She followed Spencer's gaze to the item and then jumped. "Uhm, I know it's not a date or anything but, uh, I wanted to bring something to thank her for the invite, you know?" Spencer nodded, barely able to keep a straight face as she heard Ashley snickering behind her.

"Come on in, Kyla is..." she started.

"Panicking, hardcore," Ashley supplied. Sasha relaxed a little at seeing Ashley, someone she'd known since she was little and the knowledge that Kyla was apparently as nervous as she was.

"Hi, I'm Glen," Glen introduced himself. "You were awesome in the game against Central last week." Sasha's eyes lit up; this boy was actually making eye contact and talking to her as a fellow athlete. That was new.

"Glen Carlin, right?" she asked just to make sure. The boy smiled broadly. "You're a fantastic basketball player. Have you heard from any colleges scouting yet? I heard that Duke and USC were at the last game." They started chatting about sports while they waited for Kyla to appear.

"I think I'm in shock," Ashley whispered to her girlfriend who wrapped her arms around the smaller girl's waist. "Did your brother just talk to a good looking girl without any innuendo or rude comments?" Spencer nodded.

"Shockingly, yes," she admitted.

"Wait," Sasha said as she talked to Glen. "You know I'm gay, right?"

"Yeah, and that's fine," Glen responded with a smile. "I didn't realize when Kyla said Sasha she meant you. Dude, you hold so many school records, I'm actually kinda jealous." Sasha arched an eyebrow and then looked at Spencer.

"Spencer, you trained your brother really well," she joked, winking at Glen who, despite himself, blushed. "I think this is the first time in a while that a boy has talked to me about sports and meant it and not just used it as an excuse to stare at my chest." She looked at Glen. "You actually give me hope for the male species."

"Actually, I did most of the training," Ashley joked with a smirk. "He's even paper trained."

"Ashley!" Glen whined. "Ignore her. I do." The two went back to talking sports while Ashley and Spencer went to retrieve an absent Kyla. Kyla was sitting on Spencer's bed, her head in her hands.

"Hey, Tiger, your woman is here," Ashley chided, drawing Kyla from her thoughts. She looked so distraught that Ashley dropped the teasing attitude. "Whoa, what's wrong?"

"I...I don't know," Kyla whimpered. "I'm so excited and I'm terrified and what if I don't really like her like that? Oh god! What if I do?" Spencer sat down and tried to calm her while Ashley crouched in front of her.

"Look, Ky, don't go into it thinking 'am I interested in dating her' or whatever," Ashley began slowly. "Go into it with the mentality that you're new here and you are making a new friend. That's all it has to be, kiddo. Nothing more. Having dinner with her doesn't mean you have to kiss her or sleep with her. Stop rushing shit, Kyla and just go make a new friend. You know, you're not half bad to have around so either way, I'm sure Sasha would love to be your friend." Kyla stared at her for a few long moments and then suddenly lunged, hugging her sister tightly.

"Ah! Germs! Germs!" Ashley protested although Spencer could tell the sudden show of affection thrilled her. Kyla pulled away and then took a few deep breaths.

"OK, let's go rescue her from Glen," she announced, standing up.

"Are you kidding?" Ashley snorted. "I think he just found someone he gets along with better than Aiden."

136.

Arthur, Clay and Chelsea soon joined them and the group headed to the restaurant in a couple of cars. Kyla and Sasha rode with Spencer and Ashley, giving all four girls time to really get to know one another.

"I feel kinda bad we left Chelsea with the guys," Spencer sighed, looking at the car behind them.

"She offered," Ashley responded, carefully guiding the car through traffic. "And she gets along really well with your dad and Glen."

"Everyone seems to get along with your dad, Spencer," Kyla said softly, blushing every time she looked at Sasha sitting nervously beside her.

"Yeah," Spencer agreed proudly. "He's a cool guy. Now, my mother on the other hand..."

"So, Sasha," Ashley broke in, hoping to stop what could end up being a depressing conversation before it started. "Did you hear that Kyla there beat the shit outta Madison?" Kyla gave her a wide eyed panicked look in the rear view mirror as Sasha laughed.

"I was in the quad that day," the athletic brunette said. "I saw her ripping out that bitches hair extensions; it was great! I always thought it'd be you tearing her apart, Ashley, but Kyla did a good job." She turned and smiled at the smaller girl next to her. "Remind me not to piss you off." Kyla giggled nervously.

"She's a little tiger, that one," Ashley teased. Kyla squeaked in horror at the nickname and glared at her sister in the mirror. Ashley smiled smugly back at her. "That's what we call her, Sash. 'Tiger'."

"I hate you," Kyla sighed, not really meaning it but beyond mortified. Spencer turned and shot her girlfriend a dirty look for the teasing.

"I'd rather be 'tiger' than 'spazzy perv' like someone I know," the blonde spoke up, making Ashley swerve the car and then glare back at her. "You asked for that," Spencer whispered so only Ashley could hear her. Ashley grunted and looked back at the road.

"Fine," she huffed under her breath. "I was just teasing."

"My brother calls me 'Tank'," Sasha added to the conversation. She smiled at Kyla. "So, if that makes you feel any better; my whole family calls me that. It gets embarrassing at family gatherings."

"Ha, Tiger and Tank," Ashley chuckled, relieved that Sasha had taken any sting out of the teasing which had really been meant in a playful way. "Now we just need a nickname for Spencer." Spencer wagged her finger at her threateningly.

"Don't even," she warned. She didn't even want to begin to think of the sorts of things her Spazzy Perv girlfriend would come up with as a nickname for her. Ashley wasn't known for tact or subtlety in any form so it would undoubtedly be something of a sexual nature.

Her face must have shown what she was thinking because Ashley pouted at the next red light.

"Geez, it's not like I was gonna say 'kinky freak' or something," she muttered with a smirk as Spencer groaned and giggles came from the backseat. "No, I was gonna go with something classy but nooooooooooo you have to think the worst. Well, fine, be that way. Pervert."

"She really is a spaz, isn't she?" Sasha whispered to Kyla who nodded and giggled in the backseat. Having the older girl that close to her ear was doing odd things to her heart and breathing. She wasn't sure exactly how she felt about that.

"Yeah but it's not a family thing or anything," she responded shyly. "I'm like totally the normal one. She's totally the manic-depressive, ADHD, spazzy one. Not me though; I'm really much more quiet and calm and laid back and..."

"Kyla," Ashley said sharply, cutting her sister off. Kyla looked at her in the mirror, confused. "You're babbling. Dork." Kyla blushed and sunk down in her seat with a sigh. Sasha leaned over to whisper in her ear, making her shiver.

"That's OK," the taller girl told her softly. "I think dorks are cute."

The group ate dinner, talking pleasantly about everything from school to sports, movies and music. Everyone had a great time and Sasha blended well with the entire group, having the most in common with Glen who was glad to have someone else into sports at the table. They were given a booth to the back so they weren't worried about how loud they got although the staff at The Olive Garden seemed to be enjoying them as well, joining in the discussion if spoken to.

Arthur listened mostly, adding his opinion or ideas where they were warranted but for the most part he just watched, seeing this new and while odd, wonderful family beginning to form before his eyes. He was immensely proud of his three children for their choices in life, their acceptance, however slow it may have been in some areas, of others unlike them. Ashley and Kyla had been accepted into the family as easily as Chelsea had been. Arthur was beginning to see all three young women as his children as well.

He looked at Ashley in particular as she let out a loud, unguarded laugh and leaned into Spencer who leaned back. They automatically met in the middle of their chairs, shoulders brushing as they laughed, both unaware of the move closer. He honestly had no problems with Spencer being gay; sure, he worried about what life would bring her along the way since it wasn't an easy thing to be, even in such an advanced society. But he trusted her judgment and he knew she'd make smart choices as she grew older. Plus, he adored Ashley and loved how she made his little girl so happy.

Arthur also enjoyed seeing that Ashley was recovering, slowly and not without bumps and issues but she was growing emotionally every day and was virtually a whole new person since the first time they'd been introduced. She was still emotionally fragile and damaged girl and it would undoubtedly take years for her to become confident and secure in herself, if she ever really got there. Arthur knew she'd made the progress she had partly thanks to Spencer. It made him even prouder of the young blonde for her strength and ability to so unconditionally love.

"I'd like to propose a toast," he announced, tapping his spoon on his glass to get all his 'children's' attention. He cleared his throat and stood up, raising his glass as the teens all looked at him expectantly. "To family. Some we are born into; we can't control that or the things that they do. But we love them anyway. And some families we choose, like the one I see sitting here at this table. You should all be very proud of yourselves; I know I'm proud of you."

"To family!" Clay echoed with a lift of his soda glass. Everyone at the table around him joined in.

"To family!"

137.

The apartment was nearly ready a week later, so Ashley and Spencer decided to tour it. Walking in the door, they were immediately in a large living room with huge picture windows that faced the backyard; there were two hallways that went in separate directions, in between which was a good sized kitchen and dining room. The first hallway, closest to the front door contained a service closet and the spare bedroom. The second hallway had the main bedroom, bathroom and a small extra room that they figured they could use as an office or music room, they hadn't decided.

The last of the detail work, moulding, sealing, and base painting was almost done by Dale's work crew and the new appliances were scheduled to arrive the next morning after which the furniture they'd picked out would get there. They'd had a lot of fun shopping for just the right furniture, trying to match their different tastes together. Ashley liked black and leather where Spencer liked a more 'homey' feel and not leather. They eventually settled on black but a soft, almost velvet feeling material as a compromise.

Their appliances were top of the line, black and chrome which they agreed on for functionality and ease of cleaning. They picked the largest fridge that they could, and had a gas line hooked up for the stove. Spencer was looking forward to cooking dinners for them and really feeling like a couple. Their bed was the largest Spencer thought she'd ever seen, with a beautiful oak frame and a headboard with an etching of the beach on it that they had specially made. The spare room had a queen sized bed on a mahogany frame with matching table and dresser.

Best Buy was making its sale quota for the month thanks to Ashley's shopping spree in there; Spencer had let her have most of the control on the electronics since she knew more. Of course, she realized that she shouldn't have been surprised that Ashley picked out and bought a 70", thirty three thousand dollar flat screen television for the living room and nothing smaller than a 30" for each of the bedrooms. She also got the best in surround sound for them and every game system she could get her hands on. Spencer knew Glen was going to be green with envy when everything arrived and was professionally installed. She already told him that while he was welcome over any time, he wasn't living there under any circumstances and it was HER and ASHLEY'S place, hands down.

"I can't wait for this to be finished," Ashley squealed excitedly from the kitchen area. "I just wanna move in and settle in. Wow...I think I just grew up." She smirked and looked at Spencer. "I totally just imagined us all cuddled on that huge soft couch, under a blanket, with buckets of popcorn and chips, watching movies together. And I think it was a Friday!" She then glared playfully at the blonde. "You domesticated me! You bitch!"

"Yup," Spencer buffed her nails on her shirt with a proud smile. "I tamed the wild child Ashley Davies." She walked over and wrapped her arms around Ashley's thin waist. "It wasn't easy, you know. She was a handful, all skittish and combative."

"Had to ride me hard to break me, huh?" Ashley teased, turning so that they were face to face. Spencer nodded, Ashley's words and tone setting her lower belly aflame. "Did you put me away wet?" They kissed slow and languidly, baptizing the new area with their low moans.

"I never ignore you when you're wet," Spencer husked, loving the way Ashley shivered in her arms. "I always take good care of that." She nipped at Ashley's lower lip.

"Yeah, you do," Ashley agreed.

"Jesus, do you two ever stop?" Kyla screeched from behind them as Glen groaned and made a gagging sound. Ashley grunted in annoyance.

"No, and since this is our house, we don't have to," she huffed. Spencer spanked her gently on the ass and let go, stepping back since being that close to Ashley made her want to do things that her brother and Kyla wouldn't appreciate witnessing. "Who invited you?"

"Spencer," Glen replied smugly. "She said you two were taking a tour of the house so save the breaking in phase for when you have some furniture."

"Glen!" Spencer hissed, smacking him even as her ears burned red with embarrassment.

"Jealousy so isn't your color, young Mr. Carlin," Ashley taunted. Glen stuck his tongue out. "Ooo, mature."

"Knock it off you two," Spencer scolded although she wasn't really angry. She and Ashley showed the place to the two other teens, explaining what went where and why as they went along. Then they had lunch at Sasha's parents' diner and Kyla promised to find some nice straight girl for poor lonely Glen.

He got a few looks of amazement at the four beautiful girls he was having lunch with since Sasha joined them but a few snickers as well. A few larger guys sneered 'queer' at him as they walked by to take their own booth. He fidgeted in his chair but said nothing. He didn't want to upset the girls by making a scene.

"Actually, brick head," Sasha snarled at the largest boy who raised an eyebrow and looked at her with a crooked smile. "He's the only one at this table who isn't a queer so shut your ignorant mouth before I shut it for you." His friends all 'ooo'ed' and teased him for her remark.

"Who the fuck do you think you are?" he hissed back, not liking the smug look on her face. Sasha stood up and walked to their table while her friends watched anxiously.

"Hi, I'm Sasha and I'll be your waitress today," she said cheerfully. "That big guy behind the counter is my Dad and the little woman who can probably bench press more than you? Yeah, that's Mom. So, what did you call my friend?"

"Whatever," the boy grumbled. Sasha turned to leave and he added to his statement. "Dyke." Sasha froze and took a deep breath to calm herself. She then shouted something in some language no one at the table spoke and a very large man exited the kitchen door, striding over to her, his face set and angry.

"What did you call my sister?" the man rumbled as Sasha sauntered away to return to her friends.

"No...nothing, man," the teen stammered. "I swear..."

"That's Victor," Sasha told her friends with a smirk. "He's a year younger than me..."

"He's huge!" Glen squeaked. Victor was easily over six feet tall and looked like a professional wrestler. Sasha arched an eyebrow.

"Have you seen my mother?" she joked, gesturing to the solid looking woman who was laughing and pouring coffee for someone at the counter. "We come from very solid Russian blood. We're very proud."

"You should be," Ashley laughed as Victor 'helped' the mouthy teen to the door, trying not to laugh when his mother waved at the frightened boy. His friends were still at the booth having sold him out as the only one mouthing off. "If you're 'Tank' he's gotta be a battleship!" They all laughed and Victor walked over when the teen was gone.

"All taken care of, Tank," Victor said proudly.

"Vic, these are my friends," Sasha smiled. "This is Kyla, her sister Ashley, Ashley's girlfriend Spencer, and Spencer's brother Glen." She smiled happily. "Yay, I got it right the first time!" Victor repeated each name as he shook their hands although he left Kyla for last.

"So you're the little one that's got Tank here all wound up?" he teased. Kyla blushed and Sasha sank into her chair. Ashley and Spencer burst into giggles and even Glen looked amused.

"Ug, go back to the kitchen, Vic," Sasha moaned. Victor winked at a bright red Kyla and went back to the kitchen, shouting something in what Spencer figured was Russian as the door shut. Sasha shook her head. "Wow, that was embarrassing."

"But funny," Ashley added. Spencer shushed her although she could definitely relate to both sides of the situation.

They ordered their lunches which Sasha's father told them were on the house and her mother doubled the portions of since Kyla looked 'a little too thin and needed beefing up'.

"I think I'm gonna barf," Glen moaned when he finished eating. Sasha arched an eyebrow at him and he blushed. "I ate too much. Cuz it was so good, you know?"

"Me too," Ashley added, but taking another bite of the dessert Vic had served them. It was too delicious not to finish. "I think I just gained five pounds."

"According to Mom, you need at least ten to twenty," Sasha giggled. "You and Kyla both." Ashley poked at her stomach and winced.

"Now I have to work out more," she whined. A surreptitious hand on her thigh and a slight blush to her girlfriend's cheeks told her that 'work out' wasn't going to be all that arduous. She grinned toothily and ate the last bite of her food with aplomb.

138.

"Hey, Spencer, you in here?" Kyla called as she walked up the stairs to the now finished apartment. She set her package inside the door and took a deep breath, rolling out her neck since it had been heavy and bulky to get up there on her own.

"Yeah, just stocking the kitchen," Spencer called back. "Ash ran to get yet more stuff at the store. She seems to think we're gonna have a famine or something and need every possible food in here. But then, we have the room so why not?"

Kyla nodded and looked around. All the furniture was in along with the appliances. All the little details had been cleaned up and finished the day before and that night was going to be Spencer and Ashley's first in their new home. Most of their personal things were already moved in or boxed up in Spencer's old room so that Kyla could move her own things in. Since it was decided that she was staying there, at least until she graduated high school, Arthur and Raife had arranged for all her things that were in storage to be shipped from Baltimore to California.

She'd already cleaned out her mother's house and put it on the market. She and her father were just waiting for a buyer. With all her belongings either in the Carlin home or in nearby storage, she really was leaving Baltimore behind. It made her sad but at the same time, she was adventurous and curious to what her new life was going to bring her.

Her mother, Anne, had always been one of those 'glass is still half full' cheerfully optimistic people, even when her disease was at its worst, she stayed brave and told Kyla how much she had to live for and how she wished she'd be there to share it. It was never a sad conversation and it taught Kyla a lot about resiliency. She'd needed it recently with the sudden introduction to her sister and the mess that created.

"That's cool," she said, leaning on the wall. "So, I uh, gotcha a house warming gift." Spencer grinned at her and put down the box of sugary cereal she about to put away and gave Kyla a hug.

"That's so sweet," she said happily. "You didn't have to do that but I'm sure Ash and I will love it." Kyla coughed to clear her throat and shifted nervously on her feet.

"Yeah, uhm...lemme go get it," she stammered, dashing over to the door to drag the large item in. Spencer tilted her head in confusion; it was thin, square, wrapped in brown butcher's paper and almost as big as Kyla.

"That's not a toaster," the blonde pointed out. Kyla shook her head as she leaned it against the wall.

"No, definitely not a toaster," she agreed. "I noticed your collection of old movies in your room and asked Glen to make sure that they weren't Ashley's. I see her as more of a 'blow 'em up' action film fan."

"She does like those but really, Ash is a musical fan," Spencer told her secretively. Kyla smiled and pointed at the package.

"Well, open it!" she encouraged. Spencer grabbed an end of the paper and pulled it down, revealing an old style movie poster in a gold frame. "It's even autographed! I figured what's the use of having Dad's money if I don't have fun with it right?" Spencer nodded mutely.

She was stunned; it was a vintage poster for the film 'Rebel Without A Cause' that looked like it was signed by the cast. It had to be rare and insanely expensive since most if not all of the main cast were dead and died young.

"Wow, Kyla...wow," she breathed. "Thanks, I...I really don't know what to say." Kyla grinned and grabbed an end of it.

"Don't say anything and just help me hang it in the first hallway!" she suggested.

"So you didn't say anything and just put it on the wall?" Ashley asked, trying to keep what was left of her temper. She'd arrived home and immediately noticed the new decoration but said nothing while the three of them unloaded groceries. She waited until Kyla left to work on homework before she approached Spencer about it.

"Ashley, it's a nice gift," Spencer tried, knowing where her girlfriend's head was at.

"That had to cost like, tens of thousands of dollars, Spencer," Ashley pointed out, growing agitated. "You can't tell me you don't see it! Come on, she got you a virtually priceless gift and what did I get? 'Oh hey Ash, you're back. Get any fucking fruit loops?' She bought it for you, brought it here when I wasn't here. Tell me you don't see something, at least." Spencer put down her cup and tilted her head, looking closely at the smaller girl.

"OK, I admit she might have a crush..." she started reluctantly. Ashley threw her hands up in the air.

"Yes! Finally," she shouted. "And 'might'? Spencer, she's all fucking school girl giggly shit towards you. She acts like she's a teeny bopper brat at a boy band concert."

"Ashley, she isn't that bad," Spencer soothed, walking close and wrapping her arms around Ashley's twitching body. "And she certainly doesn't stand a chance. I have all I want with you; I don't need a substitute." Slowly, some of the anger and tension seeped out of Ashley's stance.

"I know," she sighed. "I just...so much has changed and I've lost so much but it's been OK because I have you and I don't want to lose that. I can't lose you because it'll kill me."

"You aren't going to lose me," Spencer whispered pressing her lips to Ashley's. "We've come this far; I'm not going to walk away and certainly not for a shorter and sadly less charming version of you. I love you."

"You too sweetie," Ashley murmured back. "Sorry I'm being insecure, I don't mean to be and I do trust you. It's just...I always feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop or smack me across the face, you know? It's been to calm for too long so I keep thinking something has to give soon."

"Ashley," Spencer whispered soothingly. "There's nothing that has to 'give' here anymore. Especially behind these walls. This is our place, our home together. It's just us. Spencer and Ashley. Us."

"I know," Ashley whispered. "And I know I shouldn't whine it's just...you're mine and every time I have something that's mine, it feels like someone takes it away from me. It happened with my family, my childhood and it makes me angry and miserable. Then I got you and your family makes me feel like I'm part of it..."

"You are," Spencer insisted.

"Yeah but I'm sorry it's gonna sound childish but," she paused and took a deep breath. "I don't wanna share. Don't get me wrong, I like Kyla OK, kinda like I like my book bag cuz it's a necessity for the next few years, and I understand that being here is good for her instead of being set loose with a platinum card. But now I feel like she's horned into my life and now we're this weird package deal. Oh, we wanted to hang out with Ashley, guess we better invite Kyla too. It kinda sucks."

"I understand," Spencer told her lovingly. "You are a part of my family and so is Kyla but you are my priority, my heart and what's important to me. And I am so proud of you for telling me exactly how you felt about everything." She leaned in and kissed her semi-upset girlfriend soundly, making them both lightheaded with its intensity.

"Wow, if that's my reward for honestly, remind me to always tell the truth," Ashley husked as they moved together again.

"I got a reward for you," Spencer added saucily. "Wanna go break in the bed?" She squeaked when Ashley scooped her up and put her in the fireman's carry for the trip to the bedroom.

139.

Ashley let out a long moan as Spencer's hot mouth and talented tongue brought her to a powerful climax, making her dig her fingernails into the new sheets on the brand new bed. She twitched as Spencer continued to lick her clean until the blonde was satisfied and slithered her own sweaty body up over Ashley's so that they were face to face.

"Hi," Ashley husked as Spencer looked down at her, her blue eyes darkened to near black with desire. The look on the younger girl's face was reminiscent of the predatory gaze she sometimes got when they first became a couple and Spencer was a bit more aggressive in their lovemaking. With the truth of Ashley's childhood being brought to light, Spencer had lost some of that power and demanding attitude out of fear of pushing the abused brunette's boundaries. Ashley was glad to see it returning since she loved that side of the other girl.

"Hi," Spencer growled back, pressing her wet center into Ashley's and loving the way arousal darkened brown eyes rolled up into her girlfriend's head at the touch.

"That was soooo good," Ashley whimpered, her head tilted back as she arched into Spencer's body. The feel of that weight against her was nothing short of delicious.

"That was a good start," Spencer countered mischievously. Ashley's eyes fluttered open and she gazed up at her girlfriend. "Ash, can we try something?" The blonde tilted her head so that her hair masked her face but Ashley could still see the blush that tinted her cheeks.

"Anything, Spence," she replied softly. "You know that. I trust you to do whatever you want." Spencer nodded and moved so that she could grasp the older girl's wrists and lifted them above her head.

"Close your eyes and leave your arms there," she commanded. Ashley whined lowly in desire and nodded, doing as she was told. She heard Spencer moving around and mourned the loss of contact with the other sweat slicked body on her own.

"Where you going?" she wondered. A drawer off to the side opened and Ashley strained to listen. She couldn't quite tell what Spencer was doing so her imagination took off with her giving her many various pleasurable ideas to think about.

"I got you a house warming gift," Spencer told her from somewhere to her right. "It's for us both really but...I wanna really christen this as 'our' home, baby. I wanna try something new." The sound of plastic moving captured Ashley's attention and she smirked.

"'House warming gift' huh?" she murmured. "What is it, Spence? A new toy? Let's see...a strap on? Or a new vibrator..." She shivered at the memory of the last time Spencer used a toy during their lovemaking. Her insides clenched reflexively as she thought.

"Not exactly," Spencer whispered. She climbed back on the bed and Ashley let out an aborted scream as her mouth returned to her center.

"Spencerrrrrrrrr," she moaned, her hips moving to meet Spencer's licks. She brought her hands down without thinking, winding them through blonde hair. She sighed when the younger girl stopped her ministrations.

"Hands, Ashley," Spencer chuckled. Ashley untangled her hands and put them back where she had them on the backboard.

"Can I open my eyes now?" she asked. A bite to her inner thigh made her gasp.

"No, don't," Spencer told her. She ran her fingers through Ashley's wetness, slipping inside the hot channel and causing Ashley's back to arch. "I wanted to make sure you were wet enough." Ashley bit her lip.

"I'm always wet when you touch me, baby," she responded breathlessly. Spencer's finger was stroking in and out, curling upwards to press on her inner wall, making her hotter. Whatever the blonde was going to do, she hoped she did it soon. Another finger slipped deep inside her and she moaned. "Baby...please..."

"Remember, keep your eyes closed," Spencer chuckled. Ashley nodded and sucked in a deep breath as something cool slid over her inflamed lips. Visions of Spencer wearing a strap on filled her mind and she arched into the touch as it pressed against her clit and the dual sensations of Spencer's fingers inside her and the new toy sliding across her throbbing clit drove her higher, needier.

"Christ," she whimpered. Spencer's fingers slid out and before she could voice her disapproval, the toy slipped in, stretching her, filling her more than she was used to.

"You OK?" Spencer asked, slowly withdrawing the toy until just the tip was inside. Ashley had gasped, almost painfully when it had entered her so she was unsure if she could continue.

"I'd be better if you did that again," Ashley growled wantonly. "It felt so fucking good, Spencer. Please..." She murmured as it slid inside her again and Spencer took up a steady rhythm with it. She met each thrust with her hips, her hands grasping at the underside of the wooden headboard for support and leverage.

"Oh Ash, you look so beautiful," Spencer whispered. The brunette was bathed in sweat as she moved, muscles rippling with the strain and skin flushed a deep pink.

"Can I...ug, Spence...can I open my eyes?" she begged. "Please?" She was getting closer to the edge, especially as one of Spencer's hands reached up and tweaked a hardened nipple. "Gon...na come soon...baby..." Spencer's mouth was suddenly near her ear, breathing heavily and hot.

"Good, I want you to," she said lowly. "I want you to come good and fucking hard before we really start to play." Ashley moaned loudly, not worried about being heard when Spencer swore; she rarely swore unless upset or incredibly turned on. Early in their relationship, Ashley would beg Spencer to swear as they made love, the sound of that raspy voice, heavy laden with lust and desire, forming words that a good little Catholic girl shouldn't use making her hotter than almost anything else did. It was like seeing the real, sexual side of Spencer and Ashley loved it.

"You can open your eyes but you can only look at me," Spencer ordered. Brown eyes, heavily hooded opened and immediately locked on fathomless blue.

"Spence...what?" Ashley tried to ask but Spencer shook her head and thrust the toy deep. Ashley cried out as she came, her eyes closing and back bowing. Spencer found it breathtaking to watch.

"That's it, baby," she urged, her voice barely more than a husky growl. "Come for me..."

"Jesus, Spencer!" Ashley whined. She climaxed hard around the toy, wishing she knew what it was but not minding too much since it felt fantastic. Slowly, she calmed down, still able to feel Spencer moving it gently in and out, prolonging her arousal.

"OK, baby," Spencer whispered. "Give me your right hand." Ashley brought her arms down, wincing a little at its stiffness and laced her fingers with Spencer's, letting the blonde move it where she wanted. She moaned when the younger girl moved on the bed so that she was suddenly touching her hot, wet center. "Am I wet, Ash?" Ashley stroked through abundant moisture, feeling it coat her digits and palm.

"Fuck, Spencer," she breathed. "You're soaked." Sadly, Spencer moved the hand from the tempting flesh and moved it to grasp something firm and slightly soft feeling. Ashley immediately recognized it as a dildo.

"You can look," Spencer told her. "I want you to watch." Ashley opened her eyes and looked down unable to stop herself from gasping; the toy was still inside her and not attached to a harness like she'd thought. Instead, the other end of it was in her hand, a good eight or more inches visible.

"A...a double sided..." she trailed off. Spencer bit her lip coyly and nodded.

"I wanted us to be able to be inside each other, at the same time," she explained, her voice soft. "Now, hold it and watch." Ashley brought her other arm down and helped steady the toy as Spencer looked down at her and straddled it. Slowly, she lowered herself onto it, pushing it deeper into Ashley as it entered her as well. She never looked away from Ashley who was watching the phallus disappear into her beautiful girlfriend inch by inch as Spencer sank down.

"Ohhh fuck," Spencer groaned as her hips met Ashley's and they were both penetrated deeply.

"Feels so good..." Ashley wept. Tears slipped from her eyes into her hair only to be kissed away as Spencer leaned over and steadied herself above the older girl.

"You OK?" she asked, concerned. Brown eyes fluttered open, having slipped shut at the feel of being completely filled. She reached up and cupped the side of the blonde's face, gazing at her lovingly.

"Perfect," she husked. She arched a dark brow and put her hands on Spencer's hips. "Just..." she urged her to shift slightly and suddenly Spencer gasped and her eyes slipped shut. She could feel Ashley's clit against her own and they both began to move.

After a moment of trying, they found a mutually pleasurable rhythm, sliding deep inside each other as their clits rubbed and stroked each other. Spencer's hands moved to cup and fondle Ashley's breasts as the brunette guided her hips.

"Oh my God," Spencer breathed, unable to believe that it could feel so good. She was already on edge from making love to Ashley and listening to her climax twice so she felt her impending orgasm approaching fast. She tried to hold it off, not wanting the wonderful sensations filling her body to end.

"Oh fuck don't stop, Ashley," she begged, moving faster above the smaller girl, grinding harder and creating more friction against her clit as the toy rubbed deep inside along sensitive flesh.

"You're so deep in me," Ashley groaned. "So full...Spence..."

"A...a...a...a...ashhhhh," Spencer moaned. "I'm cumming..." Her hands slipped up wet flesh to Ashley's shoulders and then to the bed on either side of her girlfriend's head as she reached her release, grunting and moaning as it hit. "Oh fuck fuck fuck...Ash...oh fuck..."

"Spencerrrrrrrrr," Ashley groaned as she climaxed again, thrusting her hips up and driving the toy deeper into Spencer who screamed as she came again.

After a few intense minutes, they collapsed together, panting, sweaty and wrapped around each other. Spencer was listless so Ashley moved to take the toy out from them both, shivering at how empty she felt when it was gone. She slid it out of Spencer who whimpered and curled up on her side. Ashley curled up behind her, throwing her arm around a slender waist to hold her close and pulling the blankets up over them.

She kissed the back of Spencer's neck and closed her eyes.

"Welcome home, baby."

140.

"God, I hate the mornings when you two glow," Kyla grumbled as she climbed into the backseat of Ashley's car for the ride to school. The other two teens were gazing at each other lovingly as they sat waiting for her. They looked insanely and disgustingly satisfied and were holding hands in the gap between seats.

"Morning to you too, Kyla," Spencer rasped, her voice lower than usual. She'd screamed it raw at some point during her lovemaking with Ashley but it was nothing compared to the laryngitis that the musician herself was experiencing. It seemed more like Ashley had contracted a cold and the screaming the night before only added to it. Not that it seemed Ashley minded much; Spencer had doted on her that morning, making her hot tea with lemon when Ashley had opened her mouth to greet her and only managed a weak whimper. French toast with syrup and a plate of cut up fruit were made for her to eat and Spencer had promised if she wasn't feeling better by evening, she'd take a hot bath with her. Ashley knew even if she was feeling better she wanted that bath.

"I take it you two enjoyed your first night in the new apartment?" Kyla questioned sarcastically. She looked at Ashley in the rearview. "You're quiet this morning. Do I even wanna know?" Her sister glared at her but still said nothing as she navigated the car through traffic towards the school.

"She's got a cold or something that's given her a sore throat," Spencer explained, her own voice rough. Kyla rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, sure," she scoffed. "And your excuse for sounding like a heavy smoker?" Spencer turned in her seat and smirked.

"Loud screams of intense pleasure," she said simply. Ashley laughed softly from the driver's seat as Kyla made a face at the blonde.

"TMI, Spence, TMI," she objected. "That was so an image I didn't need." Ashley snorted and got swatted by her girlfriend. She pouted at the younger girl who promised to soothe her boo-boo later. "God, I need to start riding to school with Glen."

"Or Sasha," Ashley teased, her voice barely audible. She swallowed and winced which made Spencer reach over to brush her cheek.

"Shut it," Kyla snapped. "Me and Sasha are just friends."

"For now," Spencer giggled. She frowned at the feel of Ashley's warm skin. "Baby, I think you're running a fever. Maybe you should stay home...and no don't wag your eyebrows at me, I'm not staying with you." Again, Ashley pouted but said nothing. "Really though, Ash, I think you should go home after you drop us off. I thought you were OK but your eyes are getting glassy and your cheeks flushed."

"I'm sure she's fine," Kyla said disgruntled. "She's a big girl and it's just a cold, right?" Spencer shot her a dirty look; she didn't like the slightly jealous tone Kyla was using.

"Stay with me?" Ashley asked as they approached the school. Her head was starting to hurt so she was glad that Spencer was telling her to go home; she didn't want to have to ask. But she also didn't want to be home alone sick. Spencer frowned at her.

"Baby I wish I could," she sighed. Ashley's eyes lit up.

"Your project," she rasped, remembering that Spencer had an important project due that day and she had to present it to her Economics class. Ashley was glad not for the first time that she didn't take that class; she loved attention but not like that.

"Yeah, hon, I can't miss that," Spencer complained, feeling terrible. She didn't want Ashley to be home sick alone, especially since they just moved into their own place.

"S'OK," Ashley smiled at her, knowing how hard Spencer had worked on the assignment. "I'll go home and rest," she said, her voice giving out. Spencer looked at her sadly.

"Baby, I wish I could take care of you," she sighed. "Maybe I can get an extension..." Ashley shook her head.

"No, go," she insisted. "I'll just sleep." Spencer weighed her options; her heart said to go home with Ashley but her head told her to go to school and that she needed a good grade in that class. Reluctantly, she nodded.

"OK, but text me if you feel any worse and I'll call dad to come get me," she said firmly. Ashley nodded. "And if you don't feel like picking me up, I'll get Glen..."

"I'll be here," Ashley said with a smile. Spencer looked at her, tilting her head slightly.

"If you're feverish, don't drive," she reminded her stubborn girlfriend. "I mean it, Ashley. Go home, take some Tylenol and go back to bed." Ashley smiled widely.

"Yes ma'am," she chirped, saluting the younger girl. Spencer giggled and leaned over to kiss her.

"Oh good, there's Sasha and Victor," Kyla pointed out when the car came to a stop. "I can get away from this suffocating sweetness." She opened the door and jumped out without another word but the other two didn't care.

"I'll see you after school, Ash," she murmured against warm and soft lips. "Take care of yourself while I'm gone. Love you."

"You too."

Kyla plopped her tray down next to Spencer who was eating the lunch she packed under a shaded tree.

"Ug, I totally blew my History test today," the younger girl bemoaned as she picked up her slice of school-issue pizza. "How's your day?" Spencer looked up from her book and smiled slightly.

"Pretty good," she replied. "Aced my Economics project, so that's good. Miss Ash though. I hate that she's home alone sick."

"Honestly, I understand that Spencer," Kyla huffed. "But it's just a cold." Spencer marked her page and closed her book.

"I think you and I need to have a talk," the blonde announced. Kyla choked on a sip of soda and frowned.

"I thought we were," she said confused. "Why do you suddenly look angry? Shit, did Ashley give you trouble over that poster yesterday? God, she's so oversensitive. I mean, I plan to get her something..."

"She had an issue with it, yeah, but I don't think she was being oversensitive," Spencer countered firmly. "It was an incredibly expensive gift."

"That I wanted to get you as a 'thank you' for helping me to adjust to my new surroundings," Kyla pointed out. Spencer tilted her head and looked at her carefully.

"Ashley seems to think..." she started.

"How come I've never heard Ashley say 'I love you' to you?" Kyla interrupted her. "I mean, I know she does but you say it all the time. She never does. Am I missing something?" A slight flare of irritation shot through Spencer and she wondered if Kyla was even aware that her tone and remarks sometimes came across as jealous and childish as they did.

"Yeah, you are," she said flatly. Kyla frowned at her.

"You mean she has a reason why she doesn't say it?" she asked, taking a huge bite of her pizza.

"She says it, everyday in her own way, Kyla," Spencer said shortly. "The word is hard for her because of her childhood. It makes sense." Kyla wiped at her mouth and shrugged.

"OK, I can see that," she agreed. "But doesn't it bother you? I mean, not hearing the words?" Spencer smiled serenely feeling sorry for the younger girl for a moment for being so rooted in the 'concrete' and not having a grasp of the 'ethereal'.

"Like I said," she answered softly. "I hear it every day. In words that mean more than those plain everyday ones."

141.

Ashley arrived to pick her up, standing at her locker with a latte and a smile although she was pale and her cheeks flushed. Spencer gave her a light kiss, no longer worried about who saw them and put her head on Ashley's shoulder.

"I told you to stay home if you weren't feeling better," she said softly. Ashley's body was warm, warmer than it should be and her eyes were fever bright.

"I missed you," Ashley whispered, her throat still incredibly sore despite the Tylenol she'd taken and the lozenges she'd eaten. "You can drive home." Spencer smiled and shook her head.

"No license, silly," she reminded her girlfriend who smiled cheekily.

"Gotta learn," she answered. Suddenly, a shadow loomed over them and Ashley looked up, blinking rapidly to make sure she was seeing what she thought she was. She really didn't feel well and knew she shouldn't have been driving. Although Spencer didn't have a license, she knew how to drive and Ashley knew, would be safer to ride with than she would be right now.

The edges of her vision were taking on a constant blur and she regretted not taking another dose of Tylenol before she left the apartment. Her head felt like it was stuffed with cotton and she really only wanted to get home and cuddle with Spencer in their new bed.

"Spencer, you're coming with me," Paula announced, her face set in an angry scowl and grabbing her daughter by the upper arm. "I heard that your father has let you move in with this...girl and I won't have you living in sin with her. I've put up with enough of this foolishness." Spencer yanked her arm away.

"Foolishness?" she echoed incredulously. Dimly she noticed Kyla had joined them but she was more focused on the sudden appearance of her mother.

"Spencer, you can't honestly tell me that this is what you want for your life," Paula said snottily. She grasped Spencer again. "Now, I'm having custody papers drawn up and you're going to come live with me..."

"Over my dead body," Ashley broke in, tearing Paula's hand off her girlfriend. "She's old enough to decide for herself."

"No one asked you!" Paula roared. Ashley glowered at her as Spencer tried to calm her knowing that Ashley's infamously short temper would be even shorter since she was ill.

"And you didn't ask Spencer what she wanted so I guess that makes us even," Ashley spat. "So just leave." Paula's eyes narrowed as she looked at the bane of her existence.

"You can't stop the courts from sending Spencer to live with me," she warned.

"With my Dad's lawyers, I can pretty much do anything I want," Ashley growled. "I got more money than your precious God, so if you think I can't afford to fight you, you're wrong. Push it and see what I can do. I'll take it all away; your job, your medical license, Spencer..."

"You whorish bitch!" Paula screamed, pulling her arm back and bringing it down before Spencer or Ashley could react. She backhanded Ashley hard enough to send the off-balance with fever girl sprawling.

"Don't touch her!" Spencer yelled, pushing at her mother and then turning to Ashley. What she saw scared her and broke her heart. Ashley had her arms over her head and was huddled on the gravel, rocking in place. Her lip was split and her eyes wide but unseeing. A low keening was starting at the back of her throat. "Shit!"

She dropped to her knees and tried to touch the smaller girl who cowered away from her and started to whine.

She's having a flashback, Spencer fretted. Between not feeling well and my mom hitting her, she's panicking bad. She could hear Ashley muttering under her breath what sounded like 'no' over and over again. She tried to soothe her, petting her hair and whispering but it didn't seem like the older girl was hearing her.

She looked back at her mother in shock; she'd seen 'it', seen the 'flash' Ashley had once told her about just before the taller woman had struck out. Suddenly, she had a better understanding of what Ashley had meant and vowed that it was something her love would never see in her own azure eyes.

"How could you hit her?" she asked her stunned mother. She tore her gaze from the older woman and focused on Ashley again, not caring what excuse her mother came up with.

"Spencer..." Paula tried, taking a step forward towards both girls.

"You ever do something like that again and I'll call the cops myself," a low threatening voice warned. Spencer didn't have to look up to know Glen was there, blocking Paula from reaching her.

"Glen, I..." Paula began, looking past her son to her daughter and the young girl she'd hit without thinking. Even if she wasn't a doctor, Paula would have recognized the signs of a severe panic attack that Ashley was exhibiting. Suddenly, her entire stance and beliefs in who was right and wrong in the mess that was Ashley's life came to a screeching halt and tipped onto its side.

"Just leave," Glen barked. "You've done your damage for today. Just go and let them have some fucking peace!" He turned and saw Ashley huddled in a ball, her lips turning a shade of purple as she hyperventilated. He glared at his mother. "I don't have time for you." He ran over and without saying anything to his sister, picked Ashley up and ran for her car, wanting to spare her an audience which was already gathering. Spencer ran after him, followed by Kyla and Sasha who had wandered onto the scene.

Ashley was trembling violently in his arms as he reached the car, her cries growing louder and more panicked as Spencer opened the door and he put her in. Immediately she curled into the fetal position on her side and whined.

"Spencer, get in with her," Glen said hastily. "I'll drive you home." He looked over at Kyla. "Can you drive my car?" Kyla shook her head helplessly.

"I don't know how," she said, biting her lip in worry. She didn't like seeing her sister in such a state.

"I can," Sasha broke in. "I'll have Vic take mine home. Go, Glen, I got it." Glen gave her a grateful look, tossed her his keys and climbed in, starting the car and leaving the parking lot.

Spencer had climbed in and gathered a crying Ashley into her arms, wiping at her bloody lip and frowning when more blood oozed out. She tried to shush the distraught girl and held her tight, hoping Ashley would come back around quickly.

"Where to, Spence?" Glen asked, his voice thin and upset. He looked at his little sister in the mirror, his eyes stormy. She wanted to thank him for being there but was more concerned about soothing Ashley.

"Drive around a bit, please?" she asked. Glen nodded.

"Anywhere you want, Spencer," he said simply. "She OK?" Spencer shook her head.

"Her lip might need stitches," she sighed, looking at the damaged area and trying to capture wild and sightless brown eyes. There was no spark of recognition and Ashley didn't maintain eye contact at all. "Turn the radio on, Glen? Music might help." He nodded and turned it on, the volume too loud until he adjusted it.

Ashley thrashed in Spencer's arms in fear, whining and whimpering loudly.

"God, this is bad," Spencer worried. Ashley wasn't recognizing her for some reason. "Breathe, baby, please, breathe." Ashley was holding her breath off and on between whimpers and only taking short uneven breaths when she did breathe.

"Has it been this bad before?" Glen wondered. Spencer shook her head.

"Last time...she knew it was me and calmed down," she explained as she pressed kisses to an overheated face and neck. She tried to wipe the falling tears from Ashley's face but they seemed endless. "The fever's really messing with her. She was sick this morning so I sent her home. God, I wish she'd stayed there and this hadn't happened."

Ashley screamed, scaring both Carlin siblings, and covered her head and ears again. At a loss for what else to do since Ashley wasn't 'seeing' her, Spencer pinned her down, stopping her fighting and wincing at the few kicks Ashley managed to land.

"Ashley...Ashley Nicole," she said harshly, hoping to snap Ashley out of her panicked state. "God damn it Ashley, hear me!" Ashley tried to buck her off but Spencer was bigger and not sick so she held her down even as her cries increased.

"Ashley! It's me! Please!" Spencer grasped Ashley by the sides of the face and pulled her so that she was looking directly at her.

"Look at me," she demanded. Ashley's eyes fluttered over her for a moment but quickly moved away. Spencer leaned down and pressed her lips against Ashley's hard, ignoring the blood and the fact that it caused Ashley to kick out hard enough to crack the side window in the backseat. She didn't let go until she felt some of the tension in the smaller body lessen, hoping her touch would reach through the haze. She lifted her head and looked down; Ashley's eyes were closed, tears leaking from the sides but she looked calmer.

"It's me, baby," Spencer whispered. "It's Spencer. You're OK and we're gonna go home. Do you hear me?" A sniffle answered her and she went to turn to say something to Glen when hands grasped the bottom of her shirt and twisted, almost ripping the material and preventing her from moving too far. Understanding, she wrapped her arms around the fragile form and sat her up so that Ashley was in her lap, curled under her chin and hiccuping as she calmed down.

"She OK, Spencer?" Glen asked, his anxiety showing in his voice. He'd never seen someone react the way Ashley had and it scared him.

"She knows I'm here now, thank God," Spencer told him, running her hands through thick chestnut locks and massaging Ashley's scalp while she continued to calm down. "That's it, baby. I'm right here."

"Sorry...sorry...sorry," Ashley whimpered into Spencer's shirt.

"Sshh, you didn't do anything wrong, sweetie," the blonde purred gently, keeping her tone low and calming. "Everything is OK, it's going to be fine, Ash. Just calm down and relax."

"I'll take you home and carry her up to the apartment," Glen said softly as he turned down their street. Already his car was there along with Sasha's and standing in the driveway were Clay, Kyla, Sasha and Victor. He'd taken the long way home hoping Spencer could reach through Ashley's panic so they'd beaten him home. "I can get rid of them, send them in the house first."

"Thanks Glen," Spencer said gratefully. "I don't think she'd want everyone seeing her like this." Ashley was making little mewing sounds of distress as she rocked in Spencer's arms. Glen got out and told everyone to go inside, Ashley was fine and that Spencer had it under control. Kyla hedged, wanting to help her sister but Sasha gently took her hand and followed the others indoors.

Glen then came around and opened the back door, frowning with wet eyes as Ashley clutched onto Spencer tighter and whimpered loudly when he moved towards her.

"It's nothing personal, Glen," Spencer said sadly. He nodded.

"I know," he sighed as Spencer tried to pry long fingers off her shirt and Ashley fought her. "I just hate seeing her like this...It's scary and I thought she was doing better." Spencer bit her lip.

"She was," she agreed. "She even talked to her mother without having a bad panic attack or pushing me away. If anything, she pulled me closer, you know? I think if she wasn't sick, she would have just hit Mom back. But I think she was sicker than she was telling me." She pressed a kiss to Ashley's forehead. "Come on, sweetie, Glen's just gonna take you inside so I can take care of you, OK? Let go so he can help."

She managed to get Ashley to let go and Glen carefully picked her up. She screeched in terror but he tried to ignore it while carrying her up to her apartment. The way she shook and cried nearly killed him and he felt nothing but contempt and anger towards his mother for her actions.

He brought her in the apartment and immediately headed for the bedroom, gently laying her on the bed where she curled up in a ball and shook, whimpering for Spencer. Glen let his tears finally fall at the desperate and frightened call for his sister who was there immediately by her side, trying to soothe her.

"Spence? I'm gonna go sit in the living room and watch tv," he said softly, wiping at his eyes and not caring if his sister saw him; his heart was breaking for his friend and 'adopted sister' Ashley. He realized that he truly did like her as a person and cared about her as his family. "Please, just yell for me if you need anything."

"Can you get me some water and something to clean her lip with?" she asked, looking up. Her brother nodded and went to get what she asked for, happy to be of any help. She kissed Ashley on the cheek and wiped at the tears that still fell.

"Come back to me, Ash," she begged near tears. "Please."

142.

Glen returned quickly with two glasses of water, a first aid kit, some damp washcloths and some Tylenol for Ashley. He set everything down on the table beside the bed and watched quietly as Spencer cleaned the split in Ashley's lip, murmuring to her soothingly the whole time. Ashley was calmer now, sitting on the bed partially in Spencer's lap, sniffling and whimpering but no longer screaming or pushing the blonde away. She was fiddling with the bottom of Spencer's shirt, staring at it as Spencer tried to lift her chin to fix her lip.

"Come on, baby, look up for me," Spencer urged. Ashley let her tilt her head up but didn't stop her twisting of the hem of Spencer's shirt; the blonde knew that her shirt was most likely stretched beyond ever being wearable again along with the stains of Ashley's tears and blood. "OK, can you take these pills and water for me?"

It took a little creative wrangling to get the pills into Ashley's mouth and then follow it with water. At first Glen thought that the upset brunette was going to spit it all back at Spencer but she swallowed and then pressed her face into Spencer's shirt, hiding.

"Shh, sweetie," Spencer cooed, running her hands up and down Ashley's trembling back. She knew Ashley's throat was sore from the cold and screaming had made it even worse; the older girl had no interest in drinking more water although Spencer knew she needed it. She turned her head towards her brother. "I'm just gonna lay down with her for awhile," she explained. "You can go back to the house if you want to." Glen shook his head.

"I'm not leaving here until I know you're both OK," he said firmly. "I'll just hang out on the couch so just yell for me." Spencer nodded and moved Ashley to lay down shooting her brother a grateful smile as he left the room.

"OK, Ashley," she sighed. "Your lip isn't really bleeding anymore so let's just lay here together and rest. Do you wanna do that?" Ashley sobbed and curled completely on her side and pressed up against Spencer who held her tightly. The smaller girl was fever hot now and Spencer could hear a wheezing when she breathed. "Aww, you're really sick, baby. I'm sorry."

She rubbed Ashley's back until she felt the girl relax fully and fall into a fitful sleep. It was then that Spencer let herself cry, quietly sobbing and trying not to wake the older girl as she wept. She hated her mother for what she'd done and she let the fear that she'd ignored over Ashley's condition wash over her, safe in the privacy of their bedroom and where no one could see.

She dozed off at some point and was awakened by her father's soft voice, gently calling her. Ashley was still in her arms, twitching slightly as she slept on in a fevered state. Spencer rapidly blinked her eyes to clear them and turned her head towards her father who was sitting beside the bed.

"Hey honey," he whispered as Ashley shifted slightly and let out a whine in her sleep. Spencer rubbed her back and she calmed down. "I came home to a house full of upset kids."

"Oh! I meant to call you," Spencer began. Arthur shook his head.

"Glen did so I knew what was going on but when she's feeling better, I think Ashley should know that there were many people in the house, worried about her, not just us and Kyla. Sasha and her brother were there, taking care of Kyla, Clay was talking to Chelsea, Aiden, and Sean..."

"God, she's gonna hate that they all know," Spencer sighed, stroking Ashley's wild hair.

"No, Spencer, it's not like that," Arthur argued. "These were family members almost beside themselves with concern. They all wanted to come up here but Glen put a lock-down on the apartment until I got here. He's trying so hard to take care of you two. I'm so proud of him, and of you sweetie. And I'm so sorry that your mother did this..."

"Dad, it was awful," Spencer sniffled, her eyes burning. "But on top of Mom hitting her, she's sick and feverish. I think she was kinda in and out so when Mom hit her, it set her off. She didn't even recognize me at first and it terrified me." Arthur nodded and rubbed her shoulder in comfort.

"She knows it's you now so that's something," he said gently. "I called her therapist and filled her in. She said if Ashley's not responsive by tonight, we have to take her in..."

"Dad," Spencer whined. "She'd hate that."

"I know but honey, we have to do what's best for her and that's not always the things she'd like but instead what she needs," he explained firmly. "But we'll take into account that she's sick and give it until at least morning, OK?" Spencer nodded her agreement. "I'm going to order pizzas for everyone and let whomever wants to stay and just let everyone be together since they're all shaken up."

"You're awesome," Spencer chuckled. "You don't even really know some of them." Arthur smiled at her.

"They're your friends and worried about you and Ashley," he said. "That's all I need to know. I'll send Kyla over with some food if you want?" Again, Spencer nodded. "OK, I'll send over a pizza for you two and Glen since I think he's become your sentry or something. He's all camped out on the couch."

"He just wants to play the game systems," Spencer joked, glad for the moment of levity. Arthur laughed.

"You'd think that but he's out there doing, believe it or not, his homework," he said, watching Spencer's eyebrows shoot up. "I'm sure once he knows you're both all right he'll relax."

The smell of fresh hot pizza brought Ashley back around and she sat up still clutching Spencer's shirt when Kyla brought the box in and set it down with plates and sodas for them. She looked at her older sister, wanting to say something, anything to make it better but the lost and vacant look on Ashley's face hurt her too much so she just gave Spencer a sad look and left the room.

"Want a piece of pizza, baby?" Spencer asked as she reached for a piece. She didn't expect but hoped for a reaction.

"Throat hurts," Ashley rasped, almost startling Spencer into dropping the piece in her hand. She put it down and fully faced Ashley who refused to make eye contact.

"Hi," the blonde greeted her softly, cupping her hot cheek. "You with me again?" Ashley nodded but didn't lift her head. "Can you look at me?" The brunette shook her head and sighed. "Why?"

"Don't wanna see the pity," Ashley said bitterly, her voice barely more than a whisper. She tried to swallow and winced. Spencer's thumb rubbed slowly over her flushed cheek, soothing her.

"There's no pity here, Ash," the younger girl told her softly. "Only love and understanding." Ashley lifted her head and looked at ocean blue eyes; Spencer was telling the truth, all she saw was the love and acceptance that the blonde held for her along with the strain of the day's events.

"I'm sorry," she tried, her voice breaking from emotion and illness. Spencer enveloped her in a tight hug.

"You did nothing wrong, Ash," she told her. "My Mom is who's wrong, not you. I am so sorry." Ashley shook her head and leaned into Spencer, putting her forehead against the younger girl's shoulder.

"I don't feel good," she complained. Her hair was damp from sweat and she was still wheezing when she breathed.

"Let's get some water in you and let me look at your throat, baby," Spencer cajoled. "I have some Tylenol cold pills right here. Dad brought them in from the main house." Ashley opened her mouth, wincing when it pulled at her split and swollen lip so that Spencer could shine a flashlight down her throat. "Ew, if I didn't know better I'd say you had Strep."

"Ug, I haven't had that in ages," Ashley moaned unhappily. She flopped back onto the bed. "Wake me when it's over." Spencer got her back up and gave her the medications although the older girl had no interest in eating; her stomach was rolling unpleasantly.

"You scared me today," Spencer told her as she sat on the bed and ate a slice of pizza. Ashley was back under the covers, on her side facing Spencer.

"I kinda...lost it, didn't I?" she asked in a small voice. She groaned when Spencer nodded and gave her a sympathetic look. "God, right there are in front of everyone."

"Glen got you to the car before it got too bad," Spencer assured her. "So no, they saw my Mom hit you and you react to that."

"Thank God," Ashley sighed. "And Glen. Still...I dunno what happened..." She yawned and closed her eyes.

"You're sick and when she hit you, you had a flashback, I'm pretty sure," Spencer explained darkly. "You are sicker than you told me." Ashley buried her face in the pillow.

"Threw up a lot when I got home," she admitted sheepishly. Spencer frowned at her. "I just...I missed you and wanted to see you asap. You always make me feel better." Spencer brushed at Ashley's dark hair, petting her.

"You should have texted me and I would have come home," she said softly. Ashley shrugged.

"You had your project," she reminded the taller girl.

"That was third period," Spencer pointed out. "I had nothing else important after that. I didn't call because I didn't wanna wake you if you were sleeping."

"I'm stubborn," Ashley chuckled. She loved the way it felt to have Spencer with her, stroking her hair and back as she started to fall asleep. The room was spinning and she was hot and cold at the same time. She hated being sick.

"Yeah, you are," Spencer laughed. Ashley yawned again and kept her eyes closed, her brows knitting together as she thought.

"Your mom's not gonna come here, right?" she asked quietly, slightly fearfully. "I don' want her here." Spencer realized that the illness and medications were getting to her girlfriend and her reality was becoming blurred.

"No, baby, she's not coming here," she promised. Ashley nodded and took a deep breath that she let out and seemed to deflate along with.

"Good...cuz I'm sick but don' want her as my doctor..." Ashley muttered distastefully. "Rather be sick then get hit again..."

"I swear, Ash, no one's hurting you again," Spencer vowed, kissing the ill girl on the hot forehead as she fell asleep. "Ever."

143.

That night, Ashley slept fitfully in a fevered sleep, sometimes whimpering or crying out but always curled up to Spencer for comfort. The blonde didn't mind in the least that Ashley was relying on her; in fact, it eased her mind a lot to know that as sick and upset as Ashley was, instead of running, were she able, she was seeking out Spencer even when unconscious.

By morning, however, Spencer wasn't feeling well either. Her throat was sore and she knew she was feverish. She was no where near as ill as Ashley still was, passed out under the covers, lost in her fevered state. Spencer stayed as the sun came up and simply held the older girl. She hated that Ashley's face was bruised across both lips and down her chin where Paula had hit her. The cut looked better than she'd originally thought and she doubted that it would leave a lasting mark.

Eventually she had to get up and go to the bathroom. After that, Spencer wandered into the living room where she was surprised to see Glen on the couch, pillow and blankets with him. He was still slightly groggy having just woke up but he gave her a bright smile.

"Mornin'," he greeted her. "Hey, Dad called the school for us, called you, me, Ashley and Kyla out. Sasha said she and Vic would help Clay weed out and pop any rumors about what happened too. When she's ready to go back, they'll make sure no one bugs her."

"Thanks so much, Glen," Spencer said gratefully. "You could have slept in the guest room, you know. That's what it's for." Glen blushed and looked down at his hands.

"I didn't wanna risk not hearing you guys if you needed something," he said softly. "So I stayed out here." Spencer nodded, thinking her brother was really sweet. She glanced over at the game systems that lined the wall around the huge television and was again surprised. Nothing had been touched.

"That means a lot Glen," she said honestly. "And I'm sure Ashley appreciates it too. She won't mind if you play a game or something." Glen smiled.

"Maybe once I know you're both OK I'll relax a little and play something," he admitted. "Hey, would you mind if, just to make myself feel better, I stuck around another day or two. I know there isn't much I can do but..."

"It's fine, Glen," Spencer told him. She walked over and gave him a hug that he accepted awkwardly. "I love that you're not a punky jerk anymore."

"Oh, I'm still a punky jerk," Glen chuckled. "I just gotta step up and be a big brother once in a while."

"It's a nice change," Spencer said, laughing. "Ash is still sick so I'm gonna make some soup. I'm not feeling good either." Glen's eyes lit up.

"When I talked to Dad, right before you came out here, he said he took the day off too and made some of his homemade chicken soup for Ashley," he informed her. "I'll run to the house and get some." He was already on his feet and pulling on his shoes. "I'll make sure it's hot enough to eat and bring it to you. Just go take care of Ashley."

"Glen," Spencer called him softly. The tall blonde boy paused in his sprint to the door to look at his little sister. "Thank you, really. For yesterday, for today. For everything lately. I...I missed being friends with you and just being 'us' without fighting over everything." This time, Glen walked over and hugged his sister tight, no awkwardness in his actions.

"I love you, Spencer," he said in raw honesty. "You're my baby sister and I really thought all those times I bad mouthed Ashley and whatever, that I was doing the right thing. I'm glad that I see how wrong I was and that Ashley's in your life, in our lives. She's a great person and doesn't deserve the shit the people like Madison, or me, or especially Mom throw at her."

"So you don't mind having another sister?" Spencer teased, making Glen laugh. He shook his head.

"Nope, don't mind at all," he replied. "Just think, the three of us can go scope out chicks together!" Spencer swatted him playfully on the arm.

"Don't forget Kyla and Sasha," she laughed. "God, you are surrounded by beautiful women." Glen beamed proudly.

"Yeah, I am," he agreed. His face then fell slightly. "Although, it's kinda like being a diabetic in a candy store. Look, no touch."

Glen returned with the soup and brought two bowls into the bedroom where Spencer was waking a sick Ashley up. The brunette blinked rapidly, trying to banish the haze that was fogging her mind without much luck. If anything, she felt worse than she had the day before. But Spencer was right with her, taking care of her and soothing her. She felt bad that now her girlfriend was sick as well but knew, intellectually that it wasn't her fault.

"Soup?" Spencer asked, handing her a bowl. Ashley sighed, her stomach rolling and throat sore but she knew she had to at least try so she nodded and took a spoonful. It was delicious, there was no doubt about that; Arthur Carlin was a fantastic cook. She ate slowly alongside Spencer and was surprised that she did feel a little better once she was done.

"Now we pray it stays down," she joked, handing her bowl back to Glen who came back in the room to check on them. He gave her the Tylenol that Spencer had requested and a bottle of water with a small smile. "Wow, nice service."

"Glad to see you're feeling better," Glen snickered. He opened his mouth to say more when the doorbell chimed. The three teens looked at each other in confusion since there really wasn't anyone in their lives that would feel the need to ring the bell; they'd had it installed more for deliveries and the future.

"I'll get it," Glen said, heading out of the room. Ashley collapsed back on the bed with a heavy sigh.

"If it's an Aunt Jemimah witness, let them in so I can breathe on them," she muttered. Spencer burst out laughing.

"'Aunt Jemimah witness'? That's it, no more 'Family Guy' rerun marathons for you," she chuckled.

"Y'all want some pancakes?" Ashley giggled. She then groaned and buried herself under the covers.

"Oh hell no!" came from the living room making the girls look at each other and frown. Spencer kissed Ashley on the flushed cheek and got up to see what Glen was yelling about. Her stomach hit her toes when she saw her mother standing in the doorway to the apartment and Glen on his cell phone calling their father.

"Dad'll be right over," Glen said more to Spencer than his mother who he was blocking from entering. Spencer walked over, her face set in a scowl.

"Why are you here?" she asked angrily. "You did enough damage yesterday and you're not welcome here. I promised Ashley that this was somewhere she'd be safe so I'm not letting you in. I'm not going with you either so just forget it."

"I should never have hit her; I'm sorry, Spencer," Paula said contritely. Her pale blue eyes were filled with remorse over her actions. "I...I didn't believe she was telling the truth. I talked to her mother who told me that Ashley was a compulsive liar, pathological even. And I believed her because I don't like Ashley or her lifestyle."

"It's who she is, not a 'lifestyle'," Glen growled. "And it's part of who Spencer is. Mom, I'm sorry. I love you but I'm not letting you in here to bring more misery down on them." Paula shook her head.

"No, I'm not here to do that," she said softly. She lifted her bag which she was clutching with white knuckles. "I don't...like that you're with her, Spencer. I can't accept that. I can...try to respect you both as individuals."

"Why the change of heart?" Spencer sneered, distrustful. Paula looked at her sadly.

"I never should have hit you and I certainly never should have laid a hand on Ashley, that was inexcusable," she said sincerely. "I...Spencer, the way she reacted yesterday...there's no faking that and as a doctor, as a mother I should have seen what everyone else did and I ignored. Ashley's mother lied to me."

"She's a monster," Spencer spat, shaking with anger at both mothers. "I watched her beat Ashley; I've had to hold her and soothe her through nightmares, night terrors and just plain bad days when it all gets to her. I could have used the support of my own mother but you're too selfish to see that." Paula hung her head and nodded, her eyes wet.

"I was...I am," she confessed, her voice choked. "I'm not asking you to forgive me or to trust me but I swear to you that I am here right now just to check on you and Ashley. I brought my medicine bag to check her lip and honestly, she didn't look well yesterday."

"She's sick," Spencer confirmed, running a hand through her hair and trying to calm down. "I think it's strep. But I doubt she's going to let you near her." Paula nodded just as Arthur came up behind her.

"Ask her for me?" she requested softly. "I know nothing I do will ever make it right again but, ask her if I can at least see if she's OK?" Spencer reluctantly nodded and turned back towards the bedroom.

"It's OK Glen, you can let us in," Arthur told his son carefully. Glen resembled more of a rabid pitbull than his son at the moment as he stood, his muscles tensed for confrontation at the door. The boy thought about it for a moment before he nodded and stepped back.

Paula looked around, impressed at the renovation and decoration of the apartment. She had to admit that it looked wonderful and like a nice place for her daughter to live. The thought of her Spencer living in sin with anyone made her skin crawl but even more so since it was with her lesbian lover. Just that thought made her stomach twist and nausea to rise.

But she was a mother and a doctor and Ashley was a teenage girl who suffered unimaginable horrors and was now sick. She tried to see her simply as a girl and not as a 'sinner', the 'lesbian', or the person her daughter loved. It was hard but her conscience wouldn't let her sleep if she didn't at least try.

"Even if she says yes this doesn't change anything, Paula," Arthur said gruffly from behind her. She turned around to face her estranged husband and nodded.

"I know," she looked at Glen who stared blankly back at her.

"I told him last night about the divorce," Arthur answered her unvoiced question. "Clay knows as well and so does Spencer."

"OK," Paula understood. "Our marriage was over before this though. We just didn't want to accept it." Arthur nodded his agreement.

"I'd hoped that we could work through our issues," he said sadly. "But, we've both changed too much."

In the master bedroom, Spencer sat on the side of the bed and lightly stroked sweat dampened hair from Ashley's flushed face. She hated to wake her and knew that Ashley was likely going to say 'no'. The thought of lying and saying she woke her and asked flitted through her mind but despite her anger at her mother and the intense feeling of betrayal she felt towards her, her sense of fairness broke through so she softly called for Ashley to wake up.

"Ash? Can you wake up? I gotta ask you a question," she cooed.

"I didn't eat the last of the cereal," Ashley mumbled. "Honest." Spencer smiled, thinking about how cute her girlfriend was. "Kyla did."

"It's not about cereal, hon, it's really important," she tried again. Slowly, chocolate eyes fluttered open and focused somewhat on the blonde.

"Huh?" she breathed. Spencer stroked her cheek and felt her stomach twitter when the older girl leaned into the touch.

"I know you already said no but, my Mom's here and she wants to check on you," she tried to explain. Ashley immediately pulled the covers up and hid.

"Noooo," she whimpered. "No more hitting. Please, no more." Spencer sighed.

"I won't let her hit you, Ash," she vowed, hating herself for the fact that she'd already broken her promise that no one would ever hurt the gentle girl again. She felt like such a failure. But Ashley was sick, her fever making her groggy and blurring the lines between reality and her fears. "I hate to say this and guilt you into it but...I'd feel better if she looked at you, baby. Just as a doctor. If she even thinks about hitting you I'll call the cops."

"I feel better," Ashley lied from under the covers, her voice muffled.

"Liar," Spencer chuckled. "Please, sweetie? If you let her check you, when you're better, we can do anything you want." The top of Ashley's head appeared and she looked at Spencer intensely.

"Play with the toy again?" she rasped, a hint of a smirk on her lips. Spencer laughed out loud at her girlfriend, relieved that she was at least not too sick to think about sex.

"I promise."

144.

Paula looked over the sick brunette who was timid and flinched, wounding the older woman who couldn't really blame her. The bruise on the girl's face made Paula sick with herself, knowing she was what put it there and that she'd added to Ashley's misery. She then confirmed Spencer's diagnosis of strep throat although without a throat culture she couldn't be absolutely sure. She promised to call in a few prescriptions for them both and then left, unable to stay and weather the distasteful looks from her children as they monitored her, unwilling to leave her alone with Ashley for even a moment.

"Thank you, baby," Spencer cooed when the woman was gone and she crawled back into bed with her sick girlfriend. Ashley whimpered and cuddled into the larger girl.

"I don't feel well," she sighed. "An' 'member your promise." Spencer chuckled, loving that Ashley was still able to joke. Although she didn't like that the usually tight lipped girl was so willingly stating how bad she felt. That was never a good sign although the other side of Spencer's mind argued with her that it was; it was a sign of growing trust that Ashley would indeed tell her she felt bad.

"You held up your half of the deal so I'll hold up mine as well," she promised. Besides, it wasn't like it was a losing situation for her at any rate.

"You better," Ashley warned around a yawn. "But not now cuz I feel like barfing. Maybe later."

"How about when we both feel better?" Spencer offered smiling and brushing damp hair away from closed eyes. "My mother said she was going to call in some prescriptions for us so we can both start getting better." Ashley shivered from her fever and burrowed deeper into Spencer's embrace. God, she loved the way being held by the younger girl made her feel. It, to her, was Heaven on Earth and she didn't care how silly or sappy that sounded; she was sick so she was allowed.

"Make sure she's not gonna poison me," she mumbled. She had this weird image of Paula in a mad scientist's lab, complete with white coat, mixing potions and cackling wildly. She shivered again so Spencer hugged her tightly. "Oh, I really don't feel well." Spencer kissed her hot forehead to soothe her.

"Just go back to sleep, baby," she encouraged. "I'll wake you when my dad gets back with the medicine. You're gonna be OK."

"You rest too or you'll get sicker," the tired girl reminded her. Her voice was barely louder than a raspy whisper and she wondered when it was she swallowed a bucket of sand. "You get too sick and no nookie."

"Ash," Spencer giggled. "Leave it to you to think about sex when you're so sick." Ashley shrugged weakly without opening her eyes.

"It cheers me up," she explained, yawning again. "OK, sleep now." Spencer ran her fingers through her girlfriend's unruly hair as she dozed off thinking that if they both weren't sick and Ashley recovering from a flashback to the abuse she'd suffered, that this would be one of the simple moments she was so looking forward to sharing with Ashley. They had their own place now and could have days where they did nothing but lounge around and talk or make love and just be Spencer and Ashley instead of Spencer and family with Ashley and her issues. She was so looking forward to those 'little moments'.

She gazed lovingly at her girlfriend again and decided that even sick and slightly off thanks to being hit, this was one of those moments. It was just her and the girl she loved, adored and wanted for the rest of her life. It was peaceful and fulfilling.

She dozed off for a while and woke when she felt Ashley moving to get off the bed. The smaller girl was unsteady and making a beeline for the bathroom.

"Ash?" she called out softly.

"Gonna barf," was the whimpered response. Spencer kicked off the covers and went directly to her ill girlfriend who had made it to the bathroom and fallen to her knees in front of the toilet.

"Easy, baby," she cooed, holding back sweat dampened hair and rubbing Ashley's back as she heaved. "Shhh, that's it. I put a bucket beside the bed..."

"Already hit that," Ashley groaned sickly. "Sorry..." She heaved again and shivered, hating being sick. Spencer felt bad for having slept through the apparent vomiting attack at the bed but she knew she was also sick and had needed the rest.

"Hush, baby," Spencer soothed, placing a gentle kiss to the back of the brunette's neck. "Nothing to say 'sorry' for. You're sick. It's OK."

"My lip came open," the older girl sighed. "'m bleeding." Spencer took a tissue and wiped at Ashley's mouth, seeing that indeed the cut caused by her mother's backhand had reopened.

"It's OK, we'll take care of it when you're done," she vowed. Ashley whimpered again.

"Stings," she complained. She looked at her girlfriend with sad, wet eyes. Blood dripped down her chin as she sighed at Spencer. "Am I gonna catch a break, Spence?" The blonde's heart cracked at the honest and sad question. It did seem like every time Ashley started to get on her feet and really start to make some progress in getting her life on track and where she wanted it, something or someone came along and knocked her over. Spencer hoped it stopped sometime soon too.

"Of course you are, baby," she said as she cleaned the vomit and blood from the smaller girl's chin. "Things are getting better all the time and you are getting stronger every day. You and I have our own place now and you faced my Mom today. I faced her too and let her know that she couldn't change what was between us. I love you and she can't change who I am. And Glen and Dad stood behind me and supported me, supported us."

"That's nice," Ashley mumbled, leaning onto Spencer and clearly not altogether aware of her surroundings. "My mouth tastes nasty." Spencer smiled and managed to get up and get her a cup of water to rinse and then sip.

"Better?" she asked. Ashley nodded and her eyes started to slip shut.

"Yeah," she said drowsily. Spencer put her arms around the smaller frame and helped her up and back to the bed where she tucked her back in. She then cleaned everything up before she got herself a snack, spotting Glen asleep on the couch. The medications for her and Ashley were on the counter in the kitchen with a note explaining how to take them and to call if anyone got worse. Spencer snorted at the thought of calling her mother if either of them got worse but she knew she would call another doctor whom she trusted if they did.

She woke Ashley to give her some medicines and take her temperature which was high but not alarming and then let the sick girl go back to sleep. After her snack and her own dose of pills, Spencer joined her, cuddled up and holding her loving girlfriend close thinking that they were in their bed, in their home, safe from the outside world. Despite being sick, she slept really well.

She woke the next morning to the goofy, glazed fever bright eyes and smile of her girlfriend.

"I wanna banannananna," Ashley said simply. Her voice was unusually raspy, showing that she was still sick. "It'll be all squishy in my mouth."

"You're a goofball when you're sick," she chuckled sleepily when Ashley grinned wider and her nose crinkled. There were two versions of sick Ashley; whiny, sniffly, crying Ashley and silly, goofy, giggly Ashley. It seemed that the worst had passed and she was now stuck with the second version who was usually fairly playful between naps.

"My froat hurts," Ashley pouted, looking cute. Spencer nodded understanding since hers did too. She did feel marginally better than the day before though and knew that she had a less severe case of Strep than Ashley did since she wasn't vomiting.

"I know, baby," she whispered, petting slightly matted by sweat hair and smiling as Ashley leaned into the touch and her red rimmed eyes fluttered shut. "Why don't I get you a banana and your medicine while you go to the bathroom?" Ashley nodded and smiled again.

"'k," she agreed, struggling to get up. "Room spinny. Then we cuddle again?" She looked hopefully at Spencer as she got to her feet and the blonde made sure she was steady enough to walk on her own.

"All day, if you want to," Spencer promised, since it sounded good to her too.

145.

It took a few days for them both to fully recover but the prescriptions from Spencer's mother helped them along and by the middle of the following week, they were both ready to return to school. Ashley was, naturally, hesitant, worried about the scene she thought she'd caused. Even though Kyla and Glen assured her that no one had really even mentioned it. And there was the plus, if anyone did, that Vic and Sasha would shut them up. The large boy was somewhat feared even if he was, secretly, a huge teddy bear.

"I promise, Ash," Spencer repeated for what was undoubtedly the tenth time since they'd pulled out of the driveway. " That the only person stupid enough to say something, would be Madison. And even that's a long shot."

"Right," Ashley snorted. "Like I need her to mouth off to me again. On the bright side, I don't think I have any more secrets left that she can blather about." She turned and winked at Spencer. "At least no secrets that I told her."

"After the beating she got from Kyla the last time, she'd have to be seriously stupid to say something about you again," the blonde laughed. Ashley snickered as she parked her car.

"And yet, intelligence is not what Madison Duarte is really known for, is she?" she wondered rhetorically. It was a given that at some quiet moment, when she least expected it, Madison would dig in with her claws again, reopening freshly healed wounds. But there was nothing that Ashley could really do about it; it was the way things seemed to be with her former friend.

There were a few, scant moments when a feeling of loss and sorrow would rise in Ashley and she would genuinely miss her former best friend. For a time, Madison had been a fairly good friend and one of the only ones that Ashley had ever really counted on, although her trust was proven to be misguided. Still, she sometimes missed having Madison around on her side; the Latina's unique perspective on life had given Ashley a different view of things.

Having Spencer in her life, however, also provided her with a unique view and one much less jaded and self-centered than Madison's had been. Spencer looked at everything like she was seeing it for the first time and that sort of open, easy joy was infectious. Ashley could easily say that despite having to deal with the aftereffects of her mother's abuse and the occasional speed bump she and Spencer hit along the way, that this was the happiest she could really remember ever being.

"I'll see you later," Spencer said, leaning over to kiss Ashley on the cheek. "I've got a lab this morning so I need to get to class early to see what I missed." Ashley nodded.

"Yeah, no problem," she said absently. With the train of thought she was stuck in, certain things were unexpectedly popping into place in her mind. She didn't mind it much but she figured she must be alarming Spencer, judging from the concerned frown she now noticed.

"You OK, Ash?" Spencer asked, reaching up to test the back of her hand to Ashley's forehead, worried that the fever was reoccurring. "Maybe we should have waited another day..." Ashley smiled and grasped her girlfriend's hand in her own.

"I'm fine, Spence," she reassured the younger girl. "I just got caught in some thoughts all of a sudden." If anything, Spencer looked even more alarmed.

"What kind of thoughts?" she asked anxiously. She was worried that Ashley's thoughts were of the bad sort, intent on driving her wounded but healing love away again.

"Good ones, actually," Ashley responded happily, surprising Spencer. "I'll tell you all about them later but right now, you need to get to class." She kissed Spencer lightly on the lips and turned towards her own class. She had a lot of thinking she needed to do.

Spencer frowned at her paper, the different equations making little sense to her. She worried that if the 'pre-final' practice sheet that the teacher gave for homework was this hard, she'd never pass the final.

Ashley was sitting across from her at the table, chewing absently on her pencil eraser. She didn't seem to actually be concentrating on her paper; she was more than likely daydreaming in Spencer's opinion. That was happening more and more often since Spencer had learned of Ashley's childhood; Ashley simply retreated into herself now and then. She always came back though, and usually with a smile for Spencer.

So the gentle blonde let her go, knowing that Ashley was still processing everything that was going on. She needed her time and space but also the calm reassurance that Spencer would still be there each and every time she wandered. No matter what, Ashley was not alone.

It was hard for Spencer though, to see those brilliant brown eyes of the girl she loved so clouded with a myriad of emotions. No matter how hard Ashley tried to hide that the present situation was bothering her, those expressive eyes showed it all. Sometimes the vacant look that would appear there caused a true physical pain in Spencer's chest. Ashley's eyes should never be vacant, in her opinion. There was too bright a mind, too much energy in the lithe brunette that emptiness seemed horribly out of place.

Spencer shook her head slightly and looked back at her paper, not wanting to disturb Ashley's thoughts and needing to figure out her own homework. She saw from the edge of her vision, Ashley's head lift from her notebook and face forward, her eyes focused somewhere over Spencer's left shoulder unseeing. Russet brows knit and twitched, something Spencer found adorable when she watched it happen when Ashley thought about something, usually schoolwork that had her stumped.

She put down her pencil and looked at her girlfriend.

"Ash, you ok?" she asked quietly. Ashley blinked a few times but didn't seem to really register Spencer's question. Sighing, Spencer dropped her head again.

(She'll talk when she's ready I guess) she figured. There was a long pause at the table, the only sounds being the scratch of Spencer's pencil over the paper which was quickly followed by the rubbing of her eraser.

"I love you."

Spencer's head snapped up so fast she heard her vertebrae realign in the wake of the action. Ashley was still looking somewhere behind her but she was positive of what she heard.

"What?" Spencer whispered. Slowly, captivating brown eyes refocused and slid over to meet her own. A smirk pulled at the corner of Ashley's mouth as she addressed her girlfriend directly.

"I said, 'I love you'," she repeated, her voice still soft but carrying a sense of awe and amusement. Spencer felt her heart flutter in her chest at the simple but meaningful sentence and she grinned.

"You said it," she pointed out happily, tears brimming. Ashley's smirk became a genuine smile.

"And I meant it. I love you, Spencer Carlin."

146.

"Say it again?" Spencer asked softly later as they lay in bed wrapped around each other, waiting for their bodies to cool. The brunette nuzzled her lover's neck with her nose and smiled sweetly. It wasn't a problem for her; now that she'd finally voiced what she knew in her heart, the words didn't stick and clog in her throat or make her chest hurt in a bad way. Her love for Spencer Carlin made her chest tight in a way she didn't know was really possible until she met the Ohio native. And to Ashley, that spilled coffee from that day was the best $2.98 she'd ever spent.

"I love you," she whispered, her warm breath washing over Spencer's sensitive skin and making her shudder. More than the tactile feel of Ashley's voice, the emotion and truth behind the simple words made her entire body tremble. She felt them as they seemed to melt into her skin and then settled deep in her bones. Ashley loved her; Ashley could say it. It was real.

It wasn't that Spencer doubted Ashley's love for her; there was no way that she could with the way love and adoration just seemed to pour from chocolate eyes whenever Ashley looked at her. She couldn't overlook the gentleness and almost worship in each of Ashley's gentle touches. And she had enjoyed the different ways that her girlfriend tried to say the simple phrase. The tries had been inherently 'Ashley' and she'd loved them so she was surprised that the fact that Ashley managed to say the true phase was hitting her as hard as it was.

With everything she knew of Ashley's background, the things she suffered as a child and into her teens, Spencer had understood, especially with the explanation Ashley had given her, why it was so hard for the older girl to say the phrase. 'Love' had always been used as a weapon or apology, an excuse to soothe hurt feelings and emotional torment. So knowing that she'd finally shown, finally broken through the shell that ultimately hid and protected the inner Ashley enough for the girl to understand that love was something beautiful, something wonderful, made her feel so…

She wasn't sure exactly what she felt, other than loved and happy. There was just some deeper meaning to 'I love you' when Ashley said it. Plus, the fact that it hadn't been in the heat of an intimate moment together or used as an apology for something but instead an off the cuff, random statement she hadn't been expecting, right there at school had made it even more special for her. It seemed to mean more to her that it had been so absolutely unexpected and sprung on her without prompt.

She giggled finally, after a few long moments, making Ashley lift her head to look at her.

"What's so funny?" the smaller girl wondered, her long fingers brushing stray, slightly damp from sweat, blonde hairs away from Spencer's eyes. The indigo orbs twinkled at her as Spencer smiled.

"I keep hearing that Snow Patrol song in my head," she admitted. Ashley's brow knit for a moment before her eyes lit up in understanding.

"'Those three words, are said too much'," she sang softly, again causing Spencer to shiver slightly. The brunette's voice could do things to her all on its own. "'They're not enough'." Spencer leaned up and kissed her girlfriend soundly.

"This time," she husked. "They are."

"So she actually said it?" Kyla asked the next morning while Ashley was in the shower and Spencer was eating a bowl of cereal in the kitchen of her apartment. The younger Davies sister had come over for a ride to school since Sasha had practice before class. Spencer had absolutely been glowing, with more than the (annoying to Kyla) usual post 'night with Ashley' glow.

"Uh huh," Spencer answered happily with a mouthful of Cheerios. "Just out of the blue, announced it to me."

"'bout fucking time," Kyla muttered. Spencer shot her a sharp look.

"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked, her voice showing that she wasn't happy that Kyla was trying to rain on her parade. Kyla sat down across from the blonde and shrugged.

"I dunno," she admitted. "It's just, I understand that her childhood was horrible and all that. But if she loves you, and you love her, then why was there a problem? I'm sure there was a noticeable difference between the love she gets from you and the sorry excuse for it she grew up with."

"That 'sorry excuse' made the entire concept of love seem fake and empty to her," Spencer explained, trying not to get too annoyed.

"I'm just saying that if you truly love someone, you shouldn't have trouble expressing it, or saying it. It's three tiny words…" Kyla went on. "You know, I've had some rough spots in my life too and I can say it; you know, if there was someone that I felt that way about."

"Ky," Spencer began, pushing her bowl away and looking at the younger girl closely. It was passed time she confronted the other girl about her behavior and address Ashley's concerns. "Why is it that you have to tear down everything Ashley manages to do?" Kyla looked up from the small pile of spilled sugar she was swirling circles in.

"Huh?" To Spencer she looked like a deer caught in the headlights. "I don't."

"You have had an issue with Ashley's trouble saying 'I love you' almost from day one," Spencer pointed out, her eyes narrowing slightly. "And now, she finally says it and instead of being happy with me, happy for me, you have to bitch about how 'you don't understand' and that she should of done it sooner."

"If someone really loves you, they should be able to say it!" Kyla repeated. "Jesus, Spencer, you ever consider that maybe Ashley just isn't capable of that 'true love' level of emotion? I'm not saying that she doesn't love you cuz, duh, I got eyes and it's plain to see but I'm trying to say maybe she isn't as deeply in love with you as you are her."

"She is," Spencer responded flatly but firmly. "If you can't understand the way things are, that's your loss. But either way, it's really none of your business and I'd appreciate it if you'd lay off." Kyla arched an eyebrow at her.

"I'm sorry?" she asked, confused. "Spencer, I didn't mean anything bad by it. I just wanted to make sure that you weren't like…settling for less than what you can get or something…"

"Do you have a crush on me?" Spencer questioned outright. Kyla visibly jumped at the question and her eyes widened for a moment before she started shaking her head.

"What? No, no, Spencer," she denied vehemently. "It's nothing like that. No. God, no, you're my sister's like, wife, or something. That'd be wrong. No."

"The lady doth protest too much, methinks" Ashley said acerbically from the doorway as she dried her hair with a towel. Kyla stood up and glared at both girls but they couldn't miss the slight blush to her cheeks.

"You're both crazy," she spat, insulted. "I'm not even sure what my sexuality is right now; I've got my thing with Sasha so I don't need Spencer." Ashley walked over and stood behind the seated blonde.

"Didn't say you needed Spencer," Ashley told her. "Just pretty much think you want her…"

"Fuck you," Kyla snapped. Spencer held her hand up to calm them both down.

"OK, hold on," she said carefully. "Kyla, there's nothing wrong with a crush…"

"I don't…!" Kyla insisted.

"But sometimes, I think it clouds your judgment when Ashley does something," the blonde added, ignoring Kyla's protest. "On some level, you must think she's not good enough for me or something."

Unseen by Spencer, Ashley flinched slightly at the words; they were one of her greatest fears. She knew that Spencer didn't think that Ashley wasn't good enough; the younger girl had gone above and beyond to show her that she did think Ashley was more than enough. Still, hearing the words in her beloved's voice still stung her insecure side.

"Bullshit," Kyla growled. "OK, yeah, maybe when I first got here I developed a little 'girl crush' or something but I totally got passed it. I just…I worry about you, Spencer, and you too, Ashley. That's all."

The excuse sounded lame to even her own ears and Kyla sighed.

"Fine, whatever," she admitted. "Maybe I do but I know you're off limits and I do like Sasha. I am so fucking confused."

"Here's a thought," Ashley began, her tone clearly a bit of a warning to her little half-sister. "Why don't you worry about Sasha more and Spencer less? Let me worry about my girl. I'm more than capable, despite what you seem to think."

"Easy, Ash," Spencer said softly, putting her hands over where Ashley's rested on her shoulders and giving the smaller hands a loving squeeze. "We just need to air this out and move on. No one's going to be mad at anyone else, got it? Kyla, I'm flattered but I really do love Ashley and I know she loves me, no matter how much or how little she says it. I appreciate and love your friendship; it means a lot to me and I don't want this screwing it up."

Kyla pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed again.

"Yeah," she agreed. "It won't. I…I'm sorry. I really thought I hid it better." Ashley snorted at that which won her a dirty look from her sister. "And I'll stop trying to find fault in the stuff you do, Ashley."

"That'd be great," the older girl said dryly. "Especially since I'm pretty good at finding fault in the things I do myself. I really don't need help from the peanut gallery."

"Come on," Spencer said, standing up. "We need to finish getting ready or we're going to be late for school."

To Be Continued

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