DISCLAIMER: Not mine. Never were. Not making any $$. Don't HAVE any $$. Don't sue.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: My first SoN fic. I haven't seen all the episodes; so, bear with me while I learn the characters.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
SPOILERS: All but mostly 'Friends with Benefits'.

Down to One
By Aeryn Sun



Spencer pulled her pajamas on and went to the bathroom to brush her teeth. She still hadn't heard from Ashley and she was starting to make herself sick with worry. Her parents and brothers had left on an overnight trip to a fancy hotel for some hospital function (although much to Glen's disappointment, he wasn't going to miss any school) but Spencer had claimed cramps and 'female issues' to stay home and mope. All she wanted was to know where Ashley was and that the older girl was all right. But no one she called had heard from her.

She finished her teeth and shut off the light, walking back to her room and closing the door behind her. She gasped in surprise as a firm and familiar body pressed hers against the wall. She noticed now, as soft lips pressed against her throat, that her bedroom window was open.

(She must have snuck in) she decided, trying to separate her mind from the thick haze of arousal that Ashley's talented tongue and mouth were creating as they danced across her collarbone and neck up to her ear while they tortured her most sensitive areas along the way. As much as the current situation was turning her on, with Ashley missing until then and acting so standoffish, avoiding any sort of touch, even pecks on the cheek the suddenness of this action left the blonde confused.

"Ashley?" she whispered, still trying to separate her mind from the dizzying kisses and licks Ashley was lavishing on her, hitting all the spots that drove her crazy and turned her knees to jelly. She wasn't having much luck and her voice came out more lustful than questioning.

"Please, Spencer," Ashley breathed against hot skin. Spencer frowned.

"What, Ashley? What's going on?" Ashley pulled her face away for a moment and looked into Spencer's blue eyes. Spencer could see the need there, almost desperate in its tangibility.

"I need you, Spencer," Ashley whispered, resting her forehead against the blondes, still staring into her eyes. "I need to feel you, please." Her hands had snaked under Spencer's sleep shirt, her fingernails raking lightly over the soft skin of Spencer's back. She hissed and arched her body closer to Ashley's.

"Take me, Spencer," Ashley growled into her ear, nipping hard at the younger girl's lobe, then licking over the area to soothe it. "Fuck me baby, please." Her tongue then traveled up Spencer's ear, darting out to tease. Spencer shivered. She could hear the blood rushing in her ears, pounding and drowning out all sounds except Ashley.

Despite the fact that she knew there was something haunting Ashley and causing her recent odd behavior Spencer was unable to refuse the brunette's request. There was too much need in that voice to say no and cause more hurt than she already felt rolling off the smaller girl in waves. For right now, there were no questions, no need to understand why. There was only Ashley; she had tunnel vision where Ashley was concerned.

She growled and flipped their positions, pinning Ashley to the wall roughly. Ashley whimpered softly and it turned Spencer on more. She kissed the brunette hard, pushing her tongue past the older girl's lips and then biting her bottom lip. Ashley squirmed against her, their hips grinding together and causing heat to spread through both of them.

Spencer bent her head and found the faded red mark on Ashley's neck. It was no longer stark in color but it had hadn't altogether diminished either; it seemed to be lingering. Spencer smiled and bit down on the mark again, hearing Ashley gasp and moan as her body trembled.

"Spencer…" Ashley breathed, voice low and shaky. "Please." Her fingernails bit into Spencer's back and she pulled the younger girl closer. Spencer growled at the feel.

"Shush," Spencer grumbled, pushing Ashley harder against the wall. Ashley closed her eyes. This was what she wanted, what she needed. She needed for Spencer to take control so that she herself could lose herself in Spencer's touch. Because it was only in Spencer's arms, with her touch burning her skin that Ashley felt human again.

Spencer's thigh worked its way between Ashley's, giving the older girl something to grind against while the blonde's hands worked their way under her shirt to squeeze and knead soft breasts.

"God, I've wanted so badly to touch you," Spencer whispered hotly. She could feel how hot Ashley was even through both sets of jeans as the older girl's hips ground against her leg.

"Pl…ease…" Ashley was bordering on outright crying now, tears stinging her eyes and blurring her vision. Strong hands grasped her by the wrists and pinned her arms against the wall above her head, holding her in place. Spencer transferred both thin wrists into one of her hands and used her now free one to unbuckle Ashley's jeans, all the while her mouth never stopped mapping out Ashley's skin.

The jeans were pushed quickly to the floor, followed by Ashley's pink thong and fingers replaced the material, covering Ashley's wet sex with intent. Ashley pulled against the hand holding her firmly to the wall but Spencer's grip was too strong. She wanted to touch Spencer, feel her and ground herself in this reality but she couldn't break free.

Two fingers slipped inside her, making her head fall back and smack into her arms.

"Shit, Spence," she panted, rolling her hips towards her girlfriend's hand and trying to take her in deeper. Spencer stroked, using her arm for leverage and ground herself into Ashley's hip.

"God, Ashley, I love the way you feel," she husked, feeling the way Ashley's entire body moved in synch with her hand and how her muscles tensed and relaxed with each thrust. Low moans and whimpers were tumbling from Ashley's parted lips, adding to Spencer's desire.

"You make…me feel so…good," Ashley gasped as Spencer added a third finger. The blonde brushed her thumb over Ashley's erect clit, eliciting a sharp hiss. She pressed harder, speeding up her thrusting as she did so. Ashley's breathing was becoming labored, her skin coated in thin sweat. Spencer could feel that she was getting close.

Ashley could feel her orgasm building deep in her belly, her heart thundering in her chest as Spencer panted in her ear. Soft lips sucked on her earlobe, Spencer's tongue flicking across it and making her groan.

"Kiss me, Spencer, oh please," Ashley begged. Spencer wasted no time capturing the brunette's quivering lips with her own and thrusting her tongue into Ashley's mouth in an echo of the movement of her fingers. Ashley whined into the embrace, overwhelmed by the dual attacks.

Spencer felt the beginning contractions of Ashley's orgasm and stroked harder, feeling them increase.

"Oh God!" Ashley cried out, ripping her mouth from Spencer's in a desperate effort to breathe. Her climax roared through her, making her shake. Spencer released the arms she was holding over Ashley's head and held onto the trembling girl.

"That's it, baby," she whispered into her girlfriend's ear as the orgasm passed. "That's a good girl."



"Oh God!" Ashley cried out, ripping her mouth from Spencer's in a desperate effort to breathe. Her climax roared through her, making her shake. Spencer released the arms she was holding over Ashley's head and held onto the trembling girl.

"That's it, baby," she whispered into her girlfriend's ear as the orgasm passed. "That's a good girl."

Ashley froze as the words permeated her fogged brain. She felt cold fear seize her and her skin start to tingle in the warning sign of a panic attack. Roughly she pushed Spencer away, sending the confused blonde tumbling backwards and onto her butt on the carpet.

"Ashley? What?" Spencer blinked, looking up at her now trembling and pale girlfriend. Ashley's entire chest was jumping each time she tried to take in a breath; her eyes were wider than Spencer recalled ever seeing them and flashing absolute panic.

Slowly, Spencer stood up, knowing something was very wrong with the other girl. She reached out a hand only to draw it back when Ashley flinched and shrank away.

"Ashley, I'm not going to hurt you," she soothed calmly. "I just want to help. Tell me what's wrong." Internally Spencer was reviewing everything that had just happened, trying to figure out what had triggered Ashley's extreme panic response. But nothing she thought of struck her as anything bad.

(I hope I didn't hurt her)

Ashley was blinking away tears while still gasping for breath. Her skin was taking on an almost blue tint as her breathing became more rapid.

"Ashley, baby, please calm down, you're hyperventilating," Spencer spoke using the same calm even voice she usually used on frightened animals. But then that was what Ashley reminded her of at the moment; a terrified wounded animal.

Spencer took another step closer but stopped when Ashley all but climbed the wall to get away from her. Her heart was breaking as she witnessed the older girl's unexplainable breakdown. Ashley slid down the wall onto the floor, one hand going to her throat as she struggled for air. Spencer dashed and grabbed the empty McDonald's bag from her dinner off her vanity and knelt next to Ashley who was too distraught from lack of air to fight her. She pulled the panicking girl into her lap and held the bag over Ashley's mouth.

"Breathe, honey," she whispered. Ashley whimpered and tried to bat the hand away but failed, her arm falling limply to her side. The sweat now soaking the older girl made Spencer's shirt stick to the smaller body as she held the bag and grasped Ashley tightly.

"Sorry if the bag smells like French fries," Spencer joked quietly, needing to speak and try to get Ashley to respond to her. Ashley was shaking so hard it was scaring the blonde. The bag inflated and deflated with each breath Ashley took and after a few long scary minutes, her breathing became easier. As she calmed down, Spencer relaxed her grip and removed the bag, relieved when Ashley collapsed against her.

"Baby, what happened?" she asked softly, kissing the back of Ashley's neck and brushing damp hair away from her cheek. Ashley then struggled to get up and Spencer let her, standing as her girlfriend did. Ashley didn't meet her eyes and simply went around grabbing her panties and jeans, pulling them up quickly.

"Ashley, stop," Spencer said firmly, grasping Ashley's wrist. Slowly, red rimmed brown eyes rose to meet her blue.

"I gotta go, Spence," Ashley said, her voice tight. Spencer shook her head.

"You're not going anywhere in the condition you're in," she declared, pulling Ashley over to her bed. With a pointed look, Spencer nudged Ashley to get under the covers and after a moment of pause, Ashley did. She rolled away from Spencer and curled up on her side.

Confused and worried, Spencer crawled into the bed next to her and shut off the light. She spooned up behind Ashley, draping her arm over the upset girl's side. Spencer looked at the clock, watching ten minutes go by until Ashley's shaking stopped and she sighed, relaxing into the younger girl.

"Sorry," Ashley said hoarsely. Spencer hugged her.

"What happened?" Ashley shrugged in her arms.

"I don't know," Ashley lied, knowing full well what had caused the panic episode. But she wasn't ready to explain it to Spencer. To do that would require her to explain far more and she wasn't prepared for the inevitable fallout that would follow Spencer knowing the truth.

"Ashley…" Spencer's voice was confused and lost. Ashley hated knowing that she put that quality in her girlfriend's voice. She rolled over in Spencer's arms and proceeded to snuggle into the blonde's warm chest.

"I haven't had a panic attack in over three years," she explained. "I didn't think I'd ever have another one." Spencer held her tighter.

"What used to set them off?" she wondered. Ashley chewed the inside of her cheek, knowing exactly what caused them, having suffered from them from age eight on. And she knew what it was that caused it this time with Spencer. She felt so foolish and ashamed that she decided not to tell.

"Lots of things," she responded vaguely. She faked a yawn. "I'm really tired, Spencer. I'm sorry I ruined your night."

"Aw Ash, you didn't ruin my night," Spencer said lovingly, making Ashley's chest hurt with the knowledge that she was lying to the younger girl. She wanted to tell Spencer everything but wasn't strong enough. Not yet. It wasn't that she didn't trust the blonde, far from it. Spencer was actually the only person in her life that she did trust. And she hoped to one day tell Spencer everything that she was keeping from her. But the fear that Spencer would dump her in disgust and she'd lose everything kept her mouth firmly clamped shut.

"I just…I'm worried about you, Ashley," Spencer admitted. "You haven't been yourself since you spent the weekend with your mother. You seem so distant and it's like I can't reach you…"

"I'm here now," Ashley supplied meekly. Spencer nodded.

"Yes, and I'm glad that you are. I hate sleeping without you." Ashley smiled.

"Me too, Spence."

"But you haven't let me touch you; hold your hand, kiss you, anything. You're the most touchy person I know, baby. It's how you communicate with people but especially me. When you hold my hand or touch my face, I know you love me. And you haven't touched me lately." Ashley sighed feeling guiltier than she already did.

"I'm sorry," she said softly. "I seem to say that to you too much." She reached up and cupped the side of Spencer's face, pulling the slightly larger girl towards her for a sweet kiss.

"Mmmm, that's better," Spencer hummed happily. A small smile crossed Ashley's face and she cuddled back into Spencer. She was almost asleep when Spencer's sleepy voice drifted to her ears.

"Whenever you're ready to tell me, Ashley, I promise to listen. I know you're not telling me everything but I love you and I'll wait for you."

Ashley fell asleep feeling safe, secure and loved, despite her recent turmoil.



Much to her girlfriend's relief, Ashley reverted to her old self somewhat by the weekend. She allowed Spencer to grasp her hand in the relative darkness of Grey and some of the haunted look had faded from her eyes. The morning after Ashley's unexplained panic attack, Spencer had had difficulty in waking the older girl. Ashley was sleeping like she hadn't slept in months and Spencer was loathe to wake her. By the time Spencer managed to get Ashley up and aware before getting dressed and leaving, they ended up missing the first half of the day. But it was after that that Ashley seemed to settle back into herself so Spencer figured that rest had been exactly what the brunette had needed.

Now they sat in a booth at Grey sipping their drinks and watching, amused, as Aiden tried to find a girl to dance with. Ashley's warm hand tracing circles on her upper thigh under the table helped to soothe some of Spencer's still frayed nerves. They hadn't spoken about the incident the other night and Spencer was afraid to mention it for fear of pushing Ashley away again.

Sometimes she felt like although she and Ashley were doing well as a couple, that there were occasions when they would backslide in their relationship, relying on old patterns that only caused problems and put unnecessary strain on the tender bonds of a still fresh and fledgling union. She hated that they kept repeating mistakes, whether it was her hesitancy in asking the questions she really needed the answer to or Ashley's selective communication.

Spencer knew that somehow Ashley had given her all the information she needed to unravel the current mystery but she was just too thick headed, or worse yet, dense to see it. It frustrated her to no end that instead coming out and saying exactly what it was that was bothering her, Ashley chose to drop vague hints and then dance around the subject. Most times it left Spencer feeling dizzy and tired.

But it was how Ashley communicated. She spoke in heavily veiled riddles when it came to herself, leaving the conclusion, the punch line up to the individual listener. The brunette wasn't the greatest articulator when it came to her own emotions. Granted, Ashley could talk circles around most people when it was about anything other than feelings. When it came to how she felt, Ashley was effectively Rainman.

"Ashley is that you?" a girl with abnormally large eyes and, Spencer noted, breasts stopped and leaned over the table, practically into Ashley's lap. Ashley jumped slightly, startled out of her momentary mental vacation and blinked at the new arrival. Spencer watched the crease in her girlfriend's forehead deepen until her eyes widened in recognition.

"Paige…" Ashley breathed out, trying to sound even remotely happy to see the other girl, purely for polite reasons, and failing miserably. Spencer took a jealous delight in the fact that Ashley was obviously not happy to see the other girl. "Wow, been a long time."

"I know!" Paige said excitedly. Spencer could tell by the way the pectorally enhanced girl was leering at Ashley, looking the slim body up and down like she was on the menu, that Paige felt she'd hit the hormonal jackpot and was about to get lucky. The blonde was insulted, both by the fact that she had yet to be acknowledged by the tall girl and that she was looking at Ashley like a piece of raw meat. A surge of protectiveness rushed through her and she squeezed the hand she was holding under the table.

'Uhm, how've you been?" Ashley asked, squeezing Spencer's hand back and glancing at her. Spencer smiled at her, letting her know non-verbally that she wasn't upset by one of Ashley's most likely innumerable exes suddenly appearing. It was a reality that Spencer had prepared herself for even before they started dating, knowing that there was nothing either of them could do to change that past, no matter how much Ashley wished otherwise.

"Lonely, Ashy, baby, you don't call me anymore," Paige pouted, her large blue eyes sparkling with what Spencer knew was base lust. She was disgusted by it.

"Hi, I'm Spencer," she said, extending her free hand. Paige looked at her for a moment, as if just noticing her presence and shook the offered hand limply before returning all her attention on Ashley.

"You wanna get out of here and go someplace more…" Paige eyeballed Spencer. "Private?" She winked at Ashley and Spencer had to suppress the urge to gag.

"Actually, no," Ashley said simply. Spencer felt her heart surge with pride and love at Ashley's words. They were simple and she hadn't actually said anything concerning their relationship but the lithe brunette's voice had the air of finality to it. Spencer knew that the reason Ashley hadn't introduced her as her girlfriend was out of respect for Spencer's desire to stay quiet about it.

Paige's forehead furrowed, confusion obvious.

(Yes, you fifty cent ho, someone actually did just say no) Spencer laughed to herself.

"Aww, come on, Ashy," Paige tilted her head and batted her eyelashes at the smaller brunette. It reminded Spencer of a bad porno flick. "I got party favors and everything. I'm sure your little…friend can find other ways to amuse herself while we…catch up." Her hand caressed the side of Ashley's face. Spencer saw the flash of disgust on her girlfriend's face and the way the older girl's head twitched away.

"Actually, her little 'friend' is really her girlfriend and I'd appreciate it if you got your skanky hands off my girl," Spencer growled, rage and loathing fueling her. Paige's carefully sculpted eyebrows arched high up her forehead and she laughed in amusement.

"Seriously?" she cackled. "Ashley, is she bullshitting me?" Ashley shook her head.

"Nope, she's telling the truth," she responded, astounded and happy that Spencer had spoken the way she did. She'd never been fond of Paige, only going to her usually as a last resort and for her assorted 'party favors'. In actuality she hadn't seen the girl in nearly a year.

"Spencer's my girlfriend," she agreed, smiling. Again, Spencer squeezed the hand wrapped around her own and felt the answering compression. Paige continued to laugh.

"Oh come on, Ashley," she chortled. "This little thing? Little miss 'sweet and innocent' looking? There is no way she's enough for rough and tumble, fuck until dawn Ashley Davies."

"Excuse me?" Spencer huffed, her voice low. Ashley felt a surge of panic as she realized exactly how pissed her girlfriend was getting.

(Oh, this can only end badly) she fretted.

"You heard me," Paige said in the same low tone, addressing Spencer for the first time directly. "Now, run along and play with your Barbie's, sweetie, the grown-ups want some alone time."

"Oh that is it!" Spencer snapped, standing up. "Get lost before I kick your whorish ass so hard you need to use those breasts as flotation devices." Paige stood up and glared at the younger girl.

"I'd love to see you try, Pollyanna," she sneered. Ashley stood up between the two.

"Guys, really, calm down," she tried to placate them. "Paige, I'm taken; I'm not longer in between and haven't been for some time. I'm sorry."

"Ashy you can do so much better…" Paige started.

"Than you? You're right!" Spencer cut in. "And she has, with me." Paige crossed her arms over her chest and shifted slightly, looking at Spencer with an air of superiority.

"Look, Sparky, I don't know what kinda game Ashley's been playing with your poor, gullible head but you are so not her type," she informed the Ohio native.

"Oh really?" Spencer challenged, mimicking the taller girl's stance. Ashley rolled her eyes and sighed, moving out of the way of the two girls apparently so determined to needlessly battle over her. She was Spencer's; hands down. Still, seeing Spencer go all 'possessive' and angry over the whole thing was kind of turning her on.

"Yeah, really," Paige agreed. "Ashley likes her girls with an edge, a little flavor. Look at you; you're so bland you're like white bread. I bet you're not even a lesbian; you're just a little girl playing a game, trying to shock people. So run home to Mommy and Daddy and go back to your Easy-Bake Oven, why don't you?" Spencer took a step forward and Ashley put her face in her hands, not quite able to believe that this was happening.

"Look you surgically enhanced, over inflated, narcissistic, dime store whore," Spencer spat. "Back the fuck off! You don't know me; you certainly don't know Ashley."

The two girls were now nose to nose, squaring off and starting to attract onlookers. Ashley reached over and tugged on Spencer's arm.

"Spence, hon," she tried to get the younger girl's attention but was shrugged off.

"There is no way that you are able to satisfy Ashley; not like I can," Paige gloated. Ashley saw the flicker of self-doubt on Spencer's beautiful flushed face and instantly was pissed at the tall brunette for causing that emotion to occur in her girlfriend. She pulled the two apart and made sure to put Spencer safely behind her.

"Actually, Paige, most of the time I was passed out before you even touched me," Ashley taunted, hearing a low snicker from the blonde behind her. "I don't really find any of the times we had sex particularly memorable." Paige's jaw fell open and she stared at Ashley.

"What?" she screeched, eyes bulging. Ashley stepped closer, lowering her voice so that only Paige could hear her.

"Now, on the other hand, Spencer here makes me come so hard I frequently pass out from the sheer pleasure and intensity of it," she heard the gasp of shock from the taller girl and smirked. "Why would I give up something like that for someone who never…even…made…me…come?"

Spencer, who was the only other person close enough to hear Ashley speaking burst out laughing. A deep, rumbling laugh that made her double over with her hands on her knees to hold herself up. She then looked up at the shocked and stunned Paige, pointing as she laughed. Unable to speak as tears ran down her face from her laughter, Spencer just shook her head.

Smiling, Ashley waved at the stunned girl and grabbed Spencer's hand.

"Come on, let's get out of here."



Spencer stopped outside the car to catch her breath, her ribs hurting from her near-hysterical laughter. Ashley was laughing too, more so at Spencer's reaction to the whole thing than anything else.

"Oh my God," Spencer gasped. "Did you see her face?" She wiped at her tears and continued giggling, the astounded look on Paige's face still amusing to her. Ashley nodded.

"Yeah, I think that little tidbit may have been too much for her," she decided. Both girls burst into another fit of giggles at this comment. Spencer was surprised that Paige's eyes could bulge quite that far. The image had reminded her of a bullfrog.

A door slamming open into the wall and then shut again made them both jump.

"You fucking bitch!" Paige screamed as she rushed over, launching herself at Ashley. Surprised, Ashley couldn't do anything to stop the larger girl from clawing at her.

"Jesus!" Ashley gasped, pushing Paige away from her. She held her palm to her neck where Paige had swiped at her. "What the fuck, Paige? Are you a fucking psycho?"

"How could you say something like that?" Paige demanded, waving her arms back towards Grey. "How could you…"

"Because it was the truth!" Ashley roared back. Unseen by both girls, Spencer was shuffling closer to the tall brunette. She watched the two rock on their toes, ready for the next attack.

"Liar!" Paige protested. "Fucking liar! You loved fucking me! You begged for it!" Ashley shook her head, slightly embarrassed to be rehashing her sexual exploits in front of her girlfriend.

"No, I begged you for more coke and E and fucked you cuz it was the only way you'd give it to me," she announced. She then smirked evilly. "I faked every single orgasm, toots. Just to get it over with. But I know you didn't. I bet that pisses you off."

"You cunt! I'll kill you!" Paige roared. She lunged again but was stopped by a solid fist in her nose. She tumbled to the asphalt and looked back up through watery eyes to see Spencer towering over her.

"What did you just call my girlfriend?" the blonde growled. Paige scrambled back to her feet and glared.

"You heard me, brat!" Paige roared. "Now get outta my way before you get yourself hurt."

"You're not coming near her," Spencer declared calmly. She knew that the calmer she behaved the angrier Paige would get.

"I'll beat the shit out of you too, Blondie," she warned, wiping at the blood running from her nose. "So get out of the way so I can teach that fucking bitch a lesson." Spencer smiled.

"Give it your best shot; I think it's only fair to warn you that up until I moved here, I took Karate lessons every Tuesday night from age 9 on. So if you think you can best me, by all means, let's go." She moved her fingers in the 'Matrix' 'come-hither' taunt and grinned in challenge.

Paige looked at her, trying to see if the younger girl was bluffing. She glanced between the two girls for a few moments before grunting.

"What has this little twit got that I don't?" she asked Ashley angrily.

"You mean besides class, looks, intelligence, and basic human dignity and respect?" Ashley retorted.

"Whatever," she tossed out. "You're not worth it." She spun on her heel and stalked away, her shoes clicking loudly on the pavement. Ashley let out a long breath as she faded into the dark.

"Spence, I am so sorry," she began. Spencer looked at her girlfriend and smiled.

"Ash, don't worry about it, really," she said sweetly. Ashley arched an eyebrow in surprise.

"You're not mad about…that?" she pointed at where Paige had disappeared to. Spencer tilted her head in her trademark way and smiled wider.

"Well, I have to say that I have my questions about your taste in girls until I came along," she joked. "Ashley, I'm not going to hold your past over your head like that; it's not fair to you. It's over and can't be changed. Your past made you who you are and brought you to me. I'm not going to get mad over it." Ashley sighed in relief.

"Thanks, babe," she said pulling Spencer into a tight hug. "Sometimes, I wonder what I did to deserve someone like you." Spencer snuggled into the smaller body, breathing in her scent and letting the feeling of safety and love wash over her. She brushed at the angry red marks on Ashley's neck with her fingertips, glad that for all her rage, Paige hadn't broken the skin.

"Ashley?" she questioned, pulling away. Ashley hummed her response. "About the drugs…" Ashley shook her head.

"A stupid mistake that I regret every moment of, Spence," she answered quickly, meaning every word. "I played, 'dabbled' in that scene but wasn't fond of the lack of control so I stopped. Before I even met you." Spencer let out the breath she was holding.

"I love you, Ashley," she said quietly. Ashley murmured her agreement and leaned in to kiss the blonde. Their lips slid across each other, slow at first and then deepening. Ashley swiftly pushed Spencer back into the side of her nearby car, pressing her body into her girlfriend's. Their hips rocked together, building friction and heat between them.

"Ash…" Spencer husked, wrapping her hand in dark tresses as Ashley moved her lips across the smooth expanse of the younger girl's neck. Her other hand grasped at the smaller girl's hip, fingers digging in.

"God, Spencer," Ashley whispered. "Seeing you go all bad ass like that…I want you."

"Yes," Spencer whimpered, her lips colliding with Ashley's again. White hot heat settled in her groin, her girlfriend's words stoking the fire within her. She felt so desired, wanted, and loved. In moments like this, it didn't matter to Spencer that Ashley couldn't say the words; her actions, touches, smiles meant only for Spencer let the blonde know it anyway. It was what Spencer was referring to when she told Ashley that 'touch' was how she communicated and that connection with the girl she loved had been sorely missed the few days it mysteriously disappeared.

"Let's get out of here," Ashley whispered softly when they parted, staring into the blonde's sapphire eyes. Spencer nodded and reluctantly left the warmth of the other girl's body.



Spencer slipped to the side of Ashley's body, their sweat slick skin sliding together in delicious friction. She landed face first onto a pillow and rested, listening to Ashley try and catch her breath, small hitching whimpers vibrating the back of the brunette's throat. Spencer loved that sound; she wasn't sure that Ashley was aware when she was doing it but the blonde had come to think of it as something the older girl did when she was incredibly satisfied.

She moved closer to Ashley, throwing her arm over the still panting girl's chest and tangling their legs together. Ashley kissed the top of the blonde head and let out a happy sigh. Pressing their chests together, Spencer kissed the older girl's chin.

"I love you, Ashley," she whispered. Strong hands ran up and down her back, tracing circles and traveling up her sensitive spine making her shiver.

"You too, baby," the brunette rasped. She felt like she was melting inside, her blood singing with satisfaction and contentment. No other lover had ever made her feel the way Spencer did. Every one of Spencer's touches brought her to new heights, burned new fires within her. It was so much more than sex; and sometimes Ashley felt it was more than love too. She didn't know what it was but she adored it.

"Ash, what's this?" Spencer asked, tracing a gentle finger over an angry looking bruise on Ashley's hip. Ashley lifted her head slightly and looked down, frowning when she realized that she had forgotten it was there.

"Walked into the side of my dresser," she said simply. She wondered silently if her nose was growing.

"Ouch," Spencer said in sympathy. She'd walked into the corner of tables and dressers before herself and knew how much it could hurt. "Is it why you haven't been wearing low-riders or those jeans I love your ass in?" Ashley nodded.

"Yeah, it'd totally look awful if I walked around with a bruise like that showing," she agreed.

(Not to mention the amount of explaining I'd have to do. Not everyone would believe the things I say as readily as Spencer does. God, I hate lying to her and I wish it wasn't so fucking easy)

Ashley felt Spencer's breathing evening out and hated that she felt relieved that her girlfriend would soon be asleep and unable to ask anymore questions for her to lie in response to. She didn't know how much longer she could keep the truth from the younger girl before all the strings running to her white lies got tangled and tripped her up like a human-sized Cat's Cradle. She knew that eventually she was going to hang on her own lies.

"Stay away from my sister!" Glen yelled, shoving Ashley roughly into a row of lockers the next morning at school. She cringed at the loud noise her impact made as well as the burning on her back where a handle bit into her skin.

(Well, that's gonna leave a mark) she sighed. She rubbed her shoulders and eyed Glen.

"Um, no," she said flatly, pushing off from the lockers. "She's a big girl and can pick her friends without her asshat brother doing it for her." Glen took a step closer and Ashley felt the all too familiar flash of panic settle in her chest. The blonde boys' eyes were dark, angry and it was a look she knew very well.

"Look, pervert," he growled lowly, causing Ashley to arch an eyebrow in amusement. "I don't know what kinda mind games you're playing with Spencer, but back off. She's not gay and isn't into you. So why don't you just get out of all our lives?"

Ashley smiled, the images that went along with the knowledge of just how much 'into' her Spencer really was making a delightful shiver run up her spine. Her mind replayed for her enjoyment, the sound of Spencer growling her name during climax; a way of saying the simple six letters that nearly made Ashley orgasm just listening to it.

(Yeah, not into me at all) she chuckled.

"Don't you fucking laugh at me, dyke," Glen threatened. Ashley laughed harder and put her hands on her hips.

"Why not Glen, when you make such an easy target?" she challenged sarcastically. Glen pushed her into the lockers again making Ashley gasp when the handle hit her in the spine. She bit her lip to stop the pain induced tears. A roar to her left caught her attention as a blonde streak went past.

"Don't touch her!" Spencer screamed, smacking full speed into her brother, sending them both flying. Spencer put herself between her brother and girlfriend as a shield for Ashley. She'd been on her way to meet the brunette when she saw the crowd gathered by the lockers and witnessed her brother manhandling the shorter girl. A rage unlike anything Spencer had ever felt flowed through her blood, propelling her to Ashley's defense.

Lately, since that weekend Ashley was gone with her mother, Spencer felt a brewing need to protect her girlfriend. She didn't know exactly what she felt she needed to protect the fairly self-reliant girl from, but the feeling was there and it was growing larger each day. She knew that there was something Ashley wasn't telling her, and that the older girl had been telling her little white lies. She wasn't stupid; she could read Ashley's body language better than she could any book at this point. So when Ashley would lie to her, the small fibs that were hiding something larger, Spencer knew. And she let the lies go; knowing that eventually the house of cards constructed of lies that Ashley was building would collapse on her.

When that day came, Spencer vowed to herself that instead of being upset at the lies and turning away, she would strive to understand the motivation behind them. Whatever the reasons Ashley felt the need to lie, Spencer knew that they had to be fairly important or else Ashley 'honest to the point of bluntness' Davies, wouldn't have been bothering to spin the tall tales in the first place. What Spencer knew she needed was patience and understanding.

"I swear, Glen, you touch her again and I'll rip your head off," she warned, her blue eyes icy and glinting. Glen brushed himself off glared at his sister.

"She's perverting you!" he argued. Spencer rolled her eyes.

"Oh get a grip!" she shouted back. "You're the pervert here, porn boy!" Glen's face turned red at Spencer' words and he stepped closer. Ashley twitched, worried that the irate teen was going to strike his sister. Instead he leaned in closer so that the crowd wouldn't hear him so easily.

"Madison says she talked to you and you didn't deny being with…" he sent a dirty look at Ashley at which she smirked. "Her. What the hell, Spence?" Spencer crossed her arms over her chest and glared hotly at her brother.

"So you're telling me that the Whore of Babylon says something and instead of coming to me and talking to me about it, maybe asking me what was going on, you take her at face value, over your own sister?" she scoffed. "You suck, Glen. You really suck!"

As the two Carlin siblings faced off, Madison sidled up to Ashley and whispered in her ear.

"You see? Do you see what you're doing to them? You are destroying her family, don't you see that? Or are you that selfish that you can't see past yourself to what you're doing to a nice normal girl like Spencer?" she taunted. Ashley ground her teeth together.

"Fuck off, Madison," she grumbled, the Latina's words hitting closer to home than she liked to admit. The last thing she wanted to do was destroy anything of Spencer's but especially her family. Ashley knew that their relationship was going to cause problems once it was all out in the open but she hoped that the damage wouldn't be too severe. Right now, though, it looked pretty bad and Glen didn't even have proof that they were anything more than friends.

"Just look at them fight, Ashley," Madison hissed. Ashley watched as Spencer and Glen got in each other's faces, the words blurring together into a jumble of sounds, the only thing Ashley could hear clearly was her heart beating beneath Madison's evil words.

"Fighting because of you," the shorter girl continued, watching as Ashley paled and smirked to herself at the hurt she knew she was causing. She derived a perverse sense of joy in hurting Ashley. She leaned in even closer, her lips brushing against the taller girl's ear slightly, making Ashley jump and pull away as she spoke.

"Just think, what would happen if Spencer found out everything about you?" Madison wondered rhetorically. Ashley felt her head swim at the implications behind the thinly veiled threat. "You don't want that do you?"

Ashley turned and glared at the cheerleader.

"You can't threaten me with that," she spat quietly. "So don't even bother to try." Madison shook her head.

"I wouldn't do that, Ashley. It lacks originality," she scoffed. "My point was, how can you be friends with Spencer, or God forbid for her if you two were a couple, with the past you hide? How can you live with yourself with all that?" Ashley swallowed thickly, nearly gagging.

She looked at the smug look on Madison's face and felt all the words slam into her almost physically. She turned to walk away when a sharp smack filled the air. She turned to see that Spencer had finally smacked her brother hard on the cheek. Feeling guilty for turning sibling against sibling, Ashley sighed and walked away, her head low and feeling worthless.

Madison watched her walk away, trying hard not to laugh at the way the girl's shoulders were slumped and bowed in. She knew that she had hit the mark with Ashley and won that battle.

Part 76

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