DISCLAIMER: They're not mine, the characters that is. And all that jazz.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Just to clear this up, I'm not a native English speaker so if grammar errors do appear, I apologize.
SPOILERS: Some Season 1 references here and there, methinks.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.

Everything's Not Lost
By Wicked


Chapter Nineteen

Life was good. Last night she had one of the hottest dates ever. The company was hot, the date itself was hot what with said company getting her hot and the rest of the evening was too hot for words. She grinned and slowly stretched, cursing her strained muscles for protesting. Her body felt sore in places she hadn't felt sore in a long time, if not ever.

"Ashley! Wake up, girl."

She cracked one eye open and grinned at her best friend. "Hey fuckhead." She got up and gave the woman a bearhug. "How are you, Kayley?" She asked after kissing the woman's cheek.

"I'm good. Enjoying my day off with a lunchdate with a hot brunette." Kayley flirted laid-back.

Ashley's eyes got bigger and she rapidly looked around. "Where? Come on, show me the hotness! I wanna drool too!"

Kayley laughed and playfully punched her best friend in the arm. "Shut up, you goof." She grabbed a menu and started reading it. "So how's life treating you these days, Ash?"

"With the hottest sex ever." The brunette replied dryly and casually flipped a page in the menu. Through her eyelashes she regarded Kayley and laughed at the shocked look on her face. "Come on K, you know I'm crude like that, nothing to be shocked about."

"Woman! You're not having sex with me, so you cannot be having the hottest monkey sex ever!" Kayley exclaimed in a semi-hurtful tone. But the ghostlike smile on her lips, showed she was only joking.

"Aww toots, you know you're still my number one. Right behind Spencer." She said cheekily and stuck out her tongue.

"Put that away." Kayley said and swatted at Ashley's tongue. Putting down the menu, she leaned closer. "Tell me all about it. And I'm talking details here. But begin with the beginning. After all the endless stories about the infamous Spencer, I finally wanna know if she rocked your socks off like I did."

"Put a sock in your mouth, K." Ashley rolled her eyes and waved over the waitress. "Two specials please." The waitress nodded and took off again.

"Ordering for me now?"

"Of course. I would've ordered you a hot chick with some sex on the side because you're obviously so horny you can't think straight anymore but I don't think they have that here." The brunette answered and grinned.

"I had a straight moment last night, thank you very much. He was nice. A little inexperienced but I got him around the curves just fine." Kayley patted herself on the shoulder. "Good job, Kayley."

"You're weird, you know that?"

"I do."

"Yeah." Ashley shook her head and took out her mobile. After skimming through a few pictures, she found a decent one and showed it to Kayley. "This was taken when we went to the zoo last week. She said the monkeys in the background looked like me when I pout."

Kayley laughed and as discretely as she could, pushed the button to go to the next picture. Bingo. Ashley hadn't changed at all. "Wow Ash, she really grew up didn't she?" She snickered and leaned back.

"You're looking at the next picture, aren't you?" Kayley shook her head but the guilty look on her face gave her away. "You're a fucker." She rolled her eyes but made no move to retrieve the mobile. She made a mental note to backup the pictures on her computer and then delete them from her mobile next time.

"No but seriously, from the pictures you showed me from when you guys were in high school you could tell this girl was pretty. But damn, this is plain hot, girl!"

"Oh yeah, Ashley caught herself a looker." Ashley laughed and took the mobile back from Kayley. "Enough ogling my girlfriend. You ain't getting her."

"Nah, she's yours to keep." She placed her head atop her hands and smiled sweetly. "So are you gonna tell me already how good she is in the sack?"

"This is the woman I love you're talking about, a little respect!" Ashley said in mock anger.

"Alright, alright." Kayley rolled her eyes and sighed. "So she makes you happy then?"


"That's all I need to know, as far as I'm concerned. But if she hurts you…" Kayley trailed off, knowing Ashley knew she would go at the woman with a shovel if she broke Ashley's heart. "Except if you fuck up again, then I might just take her side."

"Fuck you, K." Ashley laughed.

"Nah, I'm not in the mood for a bitch fight with that lawyer of yours. She can sue my ass for assault or some shit like that!" The woman winked and took her napkin when the waitress brought their food over. "Food!"

"You like probably ate half a box of fruit loops this morning and you're still hungry?" The brunette asked amazed. She knew her best friend was capable of eating like a horse, but that didn't mean it didn't shock her anymore.

"I'm an air force officer, Ash!" Kayley said in between bites of her burger. "Tomorrow I have to train a bunch of newbie maggots so I need to keep my strength up."

"Cut the bullshit, K. You teach them aerodynamics." The brunette said. She knew Kayley did have her daily run but she also knew, besides teaching new kids shit about aerodynamics, she had no physical activities whatsoever. Besides the nightly ones, that is.

"True. But have you ever taught a bunch of 20-something year old boys and girls about aerodynamics and pulling G's? I think not. They're monsters! The only thing they look forward to is shooting a 9 mill at some pissass piece of paper or flying a fighter jet."

"I'm sure, K." The brunette took a bite of her own hamburger.

Spencer strolled over to Beverly's desk and casually leaned against it. She didn't say a word and just stared at Beverly, making the young woman feel very uncomfortable. Every time her boss would give her the evil eye and stare at her, she knew something was up. It usually was a tossup between Spencer being bored or being pissed about a case. Figuring she didn't have any immediate cases, she was probably bored out of her skull.

"Miss Spencer."

"Money Penny." Spencer rolled her eyes. Unbelievable how her subconscious could include Ashley in any conversation. "I mean, Beverly."

"What uh, what are you doing here?" She wanted to add 'annoying me' but thought better of it. No need to bring the wrath of Spencer upon her, especially after all the stunts she pulled. But her boss was distracting her while she was trying to type up these case reports.

"No idea, really." The blonde shrugged. "Are you sure I don't have any clients this afternoon?" Beverly nodded. "Absolutely sure? What's up with people? Don't they need a lawyer for their divorce or for their neighbour who's irritating them with the obnoxious dog? The world's doomed. I'm telling you Bev, we're all gonna die." Spencer rambled off dramatically and fell backwards on the desk, right on top of Beverly's keyboard.

The young woman's eyebrows joined her hairline and briefly wondered if her boss was perhaps high. "Everything alright, Miss Spencer?"

"But of course. I just miss Ashley so much I'm acting like a lovesick teenager. All over again." Spencer closed her eyes and began to smile when she thought of the evening they had last night. It was absolutely one the best nights in her life.

"Right." Beverly replied and tried prying her keyboard from under Spencer but failed when the blonde slapped her hands away. "I really have work to do here, Miss Spencer. So if you could-"

"Beverly my dear, I pay you for whatever I tell you to do and right now I tell you to stop working on those reports and have a chitchat with me! Tell me, what's going on in your life? Love wise, that is."

Beverly swallowed and glanced at the clock. Unfortunately five o'clock was still a long time for now so she needed another getaway and quick. Like she was going to talk to her boss about her lovelife, or lack thereof. "Uhm…"

"Excuse me?"

Saved by a complete stranger. Perfect getaway. Beverly quickly got up and greeted the woman. "Hello and welcome to the office of Spencer Carlin. How can I help you?" She hoped the woman didn't spot Spencer lounging on the desk. In the corner of her eye she saw her boss getting off the desk as discretely as she could. At least the lovesickness hadn't touched every part in her brain.

"I'm looking for someone, Spencer." The visitor said and glanced around nervously until she spotted the person she was seeking. "Spencer."

Spencer couldn't believe her eyes. In the back of her mind she wondered if it's that time of your life when everyone you least expect to see, all of the sudden appear in your office. "Sam."


Chapter Twenty

"What are you doing here?" Spencer asked the other woman in bewilderment. She momentarily glanced at Beverly and saw her assistant had retreated to her desk. Traitor. Grabbing Sam's hand, she dragged her along to her office and with more force than she intended closed the door. Opening the door again for a second, she called out, "Hold all my calls, Beverly."

"Of course." Beverly whispered. She wished upon every lucky star she knew this wouldn't cause trouble for Spencer and Ashley's relationship. They were doing so great. And after all the work she and Kenny put in it, they better not let this tramp come in and ruin everything!

Meanwhile back in the office, Spencer was still leaning against the door. She wondered if her subconscious was trying to block the door, to keep someone out. "Are you going to answer my question?"

"I was in the neighbourhood?" Sam replied tentatively and took a step in Spencer's direction.

The blonde automatically wanted to take one back but was hindered by her office door. Cursing it, she ran a shaky hand through her blonde locks.

"Okay, so maybe that's a lie." The older woman continued after receiving no reply. She walked towards Spencer and throwing the blonde for a loop, she casually leaned next to her against the door.

"Wait. You're not here for legal advice, right?" Cause if she was, Spencer was sure this office was hexed. Doomed. Cursed!

"No, uh, I'm a lawyer too, remember?" Sam gave her a slight smile. "I just wanted to see you. I'm in town for a while and thought we could catch up. It's been a while."

"I know. What are you in town for?"

"Business." Sam answered rather curtly and pushed herself away from the door. "But let's not talk about that. How are you doing, Spencer?" She casually said down on the sofa.

Spencer took a deep breath and moved swiftly to the mini-fridge she had in her office. She had a weird feeling about this all but decided to ride along anyway. Even though their relationship hadn't worked out, she stilled missed Sam as a dear friend, if nothing else.

She took out a bottle of water and indicated at Sam if she wanted one. After receiving an affirmative nod, she took out another and handed over Sam's. "As you can see, I'm doing pretty well. I started this little firm roughly two years ago and it's going really well." She took a seat next to Sam on the sofa. "What about you?"

"I've got a well paid job with flexible hours at a small firm back in Washington. After we graduated I did some temp jobs back in DC before landing a spot at my firm as coffeemaker. They quickly realized I was cut out for more."

"I bet. Professor Hunter always talked about your talents." Spencer laughed.

"Yeah. But I don't think she ever kept quiet about the success you would one day have. And whadya know, the old goat was right."

Spencer smiled and shrugged. "What can I say, I got lucky."

"Money Penny, wake up! Sleeping on the job – how could you?!" Ashley playfully scolded and jumped on Beverly's desk. She swung one leg over the other and casually leaned back.

"Miss Ashley!" Beverly said a little dazed. She had been day dreaming about possible scenarios this little situation at hand could lead into and hadn't even heard the lift doors opening or closing. She grabbed a file Ashley was trying to peek in and shoved it somewhere behind her on the other desk. "What uh, what are you doing here?"

"Just checking up on my favourite girl." The brunette replied huskily and ran the tip of her index finger along Beverly's jaw. At seeing Beverly's jaw drop open slightly and terror appearing in her eyes, she laughed and ruffled the young woman's hair. "Just kidding, girl. So how are you, Bev? You and Kenny still going strong?"

Beverly smiled and shook her head. "He's still as gay as they come, Miss Ashley. I'm not sure I'm what he wants, if he was my type."

"Yeah. You still need a boytoy thought. I mean, live a little! Hell, if you're interested I'm sure I can hook you up with a pretty girl." She winked and laughed at the assistant's flushed face. The young woman was just too easy.

The sound of a door opening and fits of laughter following, made Ashley turn her head and watched Spencer stumbling out of the office, clutching her stomach and tears running down her face. She was holding another woman's arm and Ashley couldn't help but slightly frown at the scene. She regarded the stranger and knew she had seen this woman somewhere else before.

"Miss Spencer." Beverly called out and stoop up. She really hoped no bitch fight would come of this.

The blonde's head shot up and her laughter died down when he spotted her girlfriend sitting on the desk. Uh oh. "Ashley." She quickly glanced at Sam and saw the comprehension dawn on her. Sam knew well enough who Ashley was.

"Ashley. Of course." The older woman muttered under her breath and sighed quietly.

"Hey." The brunette responded. She hopped off the desk and walked to where Spencer was hopping from one foot to the other. Oh yeah, something was definitely up. She leaned down and gave Spencer a peck on the cheek. With a smile, she pointed to Sam and said, "Aren't you going to introduce us?"

"Yeah, of course! Ash, meet Sam. Sam, this is Ashley." Spencer swallowed nervously and tried keeping an eye on both woman, to catch their reaction. As expected, both were unreadable and she mentally rolled her eyes.

"Sam. Nice to meet you." Of course, the ex. Ashley silently cursed the powers that for pulling yet another dirty trick on them. Hadn't they suffered enough? Some might say this was just an innocent meeting between exes but Ashley had realized a long time nothing happens without a good reason.

"You too." Sam replied to who she assumed was Spencer's girlfriend.

"We were just leaving to go get some lunch and catch up a little." Spencer said to Ashley. "Wanna come along?"

Ashley shook her head, with a smile. "Nah. Wouldn't wanna intrude.

Spencer leaned in and gave her girlfriend a short but meaningful kiss and threw in a smile. "I'll see you tonight?" She asked hopefully.

Ashley nodded. "Have fun."

The blonde turned towards Sam and asked, "Ready?" Sam nodded and after saying their goodbyes, they left the office.

Once they left, Ashley's smile faltered. She couldn't stop herself from turning a bit green around the edges. She didn't consider herself as someone who had a jealous streak, but she had to admit, this didn't exactly get her all happy either. But who could blame her? This was Sam! The same woman who Spencer lived with for two straight years, who Spencer had a relationship with for three years and to top all that, the same woman who gave Spencer her new first time. Something Ashley had always wished she could've given the blonde.

No! She wasn't going to let her insecurities get the best of her. Not when things were going this great. She just had to trust her girlfriend and know Spencer wouldn't be as stupid as she once was.

Turning around, she noticed the worried look on Beverly's face. She put on a smile, partly to reassure the assistant. "Wanna grab something to eat across the street? I'm in the mood for some Kenny banter."

Beverly shrugged but nodded. The worried look had disappeared, but a slight frown remained. She had a feeling this entire thing would be blown out of proportion by someone. The little voice in her head told her she should really take that vacation to the Bahamas now so she wouldn't be around when the bomb went off.


Chapter Twenty-One

"Damnit girl!" Kayley exclaimed and threw a crumpled napkin at her best friend. The older brunette rolled her eyes and wondered when her best friend had returned to the insecure but bratty girl she met years ago. "Stop worrying. It'll get you grey hair and quite frankly, you're too hot to pull of a grey head."

"Whatever K." Ashley pouted. It was her life and her girlfriend, so she had every right to bitch and moan at the fact that said girlfriend was out on a 'lunchdate' with her ex-girlfriend. It's not like she didn't trust her girlfriend. She just didn't trust that Sam person. The woman had showed up at Spencer's office, out of the blue, just waltzing into her girlfriend's life like it was something she did daily.

That sounded awfully familiar…

She shrugged the feeling away and the deep frown reappeared on her forehead. She had a feeling she was going home with a major headache.

"Flygirl here has a point, honey." Kenny said while flipping through a magazine, looking like he could care less. But in reality he had listened to the ongoing conversation. He was gay, he could multitask like the best. Momentarily shifting his view from the hot Armani guy on the page to Ashley, he continued. "I mean, yes she's out with that tramp but it's you who she comes home to at the end of the day."

"Exactly!" Kayley agreed.

"But where she's hanging out in the day is a mystery to us all…" Kenny muttered and shook his head. Straight people were ohso confusing. With a last shrug, he went back to reading his magazine and completely missed the bullets Kayley was shooting at him with her eyes.

"See! Exactly. She might be mine tonight but where was she during the day?" The younger brunette's pout got even bigger and she couldn't help but feel even worse than before. She wished she could just crawl into her warm bed and never come out.

This was exactly why Ashley never did too much serious relationships. They made you doubt everything and everyone. With their history, there was just bound to be something around the corner messing their renewed relationship up. So who was to say this Sam woman wasn't the chick with the big mean sledgehammer?

"Where the fuck are you getting all of this from? Seriously Ash, you're acting like you've returned to puberty or something!" Kayley sighed and took Ashley's hands in her own, making her friend look at her. "Listen to me. I don't know what got into you or who filled your head with fairytales but she's with you. She loves you. Hell, didn't she break up with this girl because she wasn't you?" Kayley smiled when Ashley meekly nodded. "See. I'm telling you, you're seeing things that aren't there. Now snap the fuck out of it, will ya?"

"Snap." Kenny said and threw his magazine to the side, almost hitting Beverly in the face. "You heard the woman. Get over it. She's doing you, not the tramp from the past."

"You're a real piece of work, you know that?" Kayley stated and narrowed her eyes at the waiter.

"I know." Kenny grinned and turned his head towards Ashley again. "What's it gonna be?"

Ashley bit her lip and processed all the facts in her head. Besides the fact they were indeed together, Spencer did break up with Sam because she wasn't her. So basically, why would she wanna hook up with Sam if she had Ashley? That didn't make any sense. Who in their right mind would take some tramp over her anyway? She was hot damnit! And fine, a little crazy around the edges but loveable anyway. What possibly could this Sam have that she didn't have?! Nothing.

The brunette smiled and grabbed a menu. "Sam is peanuts compared to me. Fuck that." She settled back with the menu and asked, "Who's paying?"

Kayley laughed. "You are bitch, for putting us through this ten minute long mini-drama of yours. Next to time you want to channel some teenage angst, please don't drag me into it. I get enough of it at the academy!"

"Say, you don't happen to bump into any nice officers at that academy of yours, do ya?" Kenny asked and leaned in, very interested in the answer.

"Why?" Kayley once again narrowed her eyes at Kenny and wondered if the man got any at all. She highly doubted that, going on the way he was acting.

"Well, you know, potential meat honey!"

"Have you ever heard of "don't ask, don't tell"?

"I'm not asking and I'm sure as hell not telling. I can spot a swinger from a mile away, so I just need to be seeing, cupcake." He said with much confidence and smirked at Kayley rolling her eyes.

"Hey, bananapie, cut it out." Beverly, who had remained quiet during the intervention, said and smacked her friend's forehead. "Weren't you seeing that guy from that thing, or something, anyway?"

"That's so passé, my lovely cucumber. He's so last week."

"You're worse than her." Ashley said and pointed at her best friend. "She usually keeps them two weeks, at least."

"Hey!" Kayley replied and glowered at the brunette sitting on the other side of the table in front of her. "Like you can have your wicked way with someone in a week's time. You need minimum two weeks to get them to learn what buttons to push. Is all I'm saying."

Beverly rolled her eyes at the other three's perverted conversation and waited patiently for her friends to stop the bickering about how long it took to fuck someone thoroughly before you could kick them out on their ass. Like she cared. She would be happy with just a date. The rest were just added bonuses.

She released her breath slowly and thanked her lucky stars for making Ashley come to her senses before word got out about her freaking out and reaching Spencer's ears. Now if only they knew what Sam was up to. Because call it intuition or not, the assistant knew Sam didn't show up just to chitchat about the good old days.


Chapter Twenty-Two

The smell of coffee wafted into her nostrils and she smiled.

Nothing could beat the smell of fresh coffee. Especially when said coffee was made by one hot blonde. Said blonde stood by the counter, fixing the cups and sugar and whatnot, completely oblivious to the company. She probably was so focused on the task at hand, she never heard the kitchen door open. That's how she remembered her, dedicated to the point of not realizing what was going on around her.

It could be considered a weakness but to her it was one of Spencer's best features. It showed how passionate she could be. A passion that added to the blonde's charisma.

She cleared her throat and walked in further, smiling at the slight jump Spencer made.

"Sam! You scared me." Spencer said and took a deep breath to calm her pounding heart. She had been thinking about the day while fixing the coffee tray and was so far away she wasn't aware of her surroundings.


"It's okay. Coffee?" The blonde asked and picked up the tray to move it to the living room. Ashley had called earlier saying she was probably going to come by a lot later than planned. Kayley had dragged her along to a new club or something and practically begged the brunette to stay a little longer.

Spencer didn't mind. In fact, it gave her an opportunity to invite Sam in for coffee so they were able to catch up a little more. All afternoon Sam had practically avoided the subject of her life and had successfully kept the conversation about Spencer. But the blonde was curious about Sam's life too.

"So." Spencer began after handing Sam a cup. "How is life in Washington?"

"Good. My day basically consist of work, sleep and eating." Sam laughed. "Except on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Then I hit the gym for a few hours, after work."

Spencer smiled and vaguely remembered how Sam talked about wanting to go the gym. School kept messing those plans up, though. "What do you do in the weekends? Outings with your significant other?"

Sam grinned at Spencer's sneakiness. "Nice. But no, no outings with my partner. Loads of outings with myself, though. I love hiking. So on Saturdays I'm usually exploring Mother Nature."

"And Sunday you need to recover from such hard labour." Spencer laughed and caught the pillow Sam threw at her. "Hey! No pillow fights. I don't think I need to remind you off the last pillow fight we had, do I?"

Sam shook her head in terror and shuddered. "No! My mother wasn't a happy camper when we broke her Chinese vase. That came up on a lot of family get-togethers."

"How is your mother, anyway?" Spencer had always liked Sam's mother. The woman treated her as if she was her own. She had no problem with her daughter's lifestyle or choices and always supported her.

"She passed away two years ago." Sam's eyes watered up and she blinked the tears rapidly away. Even after two years, she missed her mother dearly. She wasn't afraid to admit she lost her best friend when her mother died.

"I'm so sorry, Sam." Spencer reached over and took hold of the other woman's hand. The blonde saw her friend was having a hard time keeping it together. "I knew you and your mother were close."

"Yeah, we were. Unfortunately that bond didn't do any good when the end was near. Cancer go to her and we tried everything to convince her to seek treatment but she refused. Claimed she wanted to die with dignity. The doctor gave her only six months longer if she would've started chemo. In the end we gave in and let her have her last wish." Sam took the tissue Spencer offered and smiled through the tears.

"That must've been hard for you." Spencer said gently and only noticed now how her thumb was rubbing small circles on Sam's hand. She slightly frowned at the action and stopped her movements, covering it up by letting go of the hand. She was just consoling a hurting friend, is all.



Chapter Twenty-Three

"So how was your date?" Ashley asked casually when the blonde let her in. She was quite surprised to feel this calm. The little intervention her friends came up with appeared to have helped her.

"It was fine." Spencer replied, while hurriedly taking of Ashley's coat. She threw it to the side and crushed her lips to her girlfriend's ones. Running her hands through Ashley's brown locks, she inwardly smiled when she felt Ashley's confused state. Taking them by surprise was so much fun.

But the next moment hands pushed at her shoulders and she was met with brown eyes looking at her in astonishment. "And it wasn't a date." Spencer added as an after thought, throwing the brunette for an even bigger loop.

"Okay. What was this then?"

"A girl can't kiss her girlfriend anymore?"

"Sure." Ashley frowned. She was all for the hot greetings, especially if they involved those luscious lips she loved so much. But for some reason this particular greeting felt wrong, almost tainted with something. Ashley wasn't one who put a lot of faith in intuition but it was being particularly persistent.

"What's going on in that mind of yours?" Spencer asked when she saw Ashley's frown. She knew the brunette only frowned when she was either confused or when she was disappointed. Going on a limb, she figured Ashley was probably confused. But by what?

"Nothing. Nothing." Ashley moved away from Spencer and walked into the kitchen. Once there she spied everything around her, as if clues would randomly appear. But nothing distinguished caught her eye. Why on earth was she putting herself through this? Just cause her damned insecure gut decided to forget all the things her friends told her and act like a total bitch anyway. Curse her gut and its feelings. She turned around with a smile when she heard the kitchen door open and said, "So what do you want to do? Watch a movie?"

But Spencer didn't bite. "You don't trust me." She more stated than asked, with a deep frown. It was quickly joined by a look of disappointment. It had it her like a ton of bricks and she couldn't believe it. How could she not trust her? The blonde thought they had started with a clean slate this time so what had she done to make Ashley not trust her? "I can't believe you."

"Spence…" Ashley tried but didn't continue when Spencer cut her off.

"No! I don't want to hear it." Spencer snapped and left the kitchen border lining fuming. Her disappointment quickly turned into anger and she'd rather not be in the same room as the person who caused it.

Ashley wanted to follow her but held herself back, giving Spencer a few minutes to cool down. She hoped the blonde would cool down enough so she could give her an explanation. But how could she explain this to Spencer in a way the blonde would understand? Hell, she hardly understood herself. Maybe she should just plead insanity and pray her girlfriend would chalk it up to Ashley's stupidity.

She took a deep breath and walked into the living room again, where she found Spencer pacing a hole in the floor. "Spencer…" She trailed off.

"No! I don't want to hear it, Ashley. I don't want to hear the crazy reason you came up with this time." She stopped pacing and looked directly at the brunette, who was looking at her shoes.

When she noticed Spencer had stopped talking, Ashley looked up but immediately regretted the action when she looked into Spencer's eyes. The once vibrant eyes were now teared up and mirrored the hurt and betrayal Spencer felt. The brunette mentally kicked herself in the head for making the blonde feel that way, again. "I'm sorry." She offered weakly.

"This isn't going to work if you can't trust me."

"But I do! I do trust you!" Ashley said frantically. She'd do anything to prove that to Spencer. She just couldn't stop her insecure head from doubting it all. But how to explain this without hurting the blonde's feelings even more?

"Yeah right." Spencer scoffed and wiped the tears away that had managed to escape. She couldn't do this right now. Her head was in turmoil and she was two seconds away from having a mental breakdown. Grabbing her keys, she turned to Ashley ready to give her her last piece of mind but every thought flew out of her mind when she saw the open look of remorse and hurt on the brunette's face. The brunette looked like she just saw her puppy being run over. Spencer had to restrain herself from taking the girl into her arms and tell her everything would be alright. But that would be lying.

She spun around and left her own apartment without a single glance behind her. Once she closed the door, the dam keeping her tears at bay broke and her cheeks were wet with tears in seconds.

Ashley stared at the closed door in a daze and for a moment she thought she should pinch herself to check if she really was awake or if this was just a bad nightmare. Going on the pain in her heart and the numbness that was setting in, this was indeed a nightmare but she was very much awake.

Spencer knocked on the door and wiped the fresh batch of tears away. She didn't know what she was doing here, what on earth had compelled her to stand in front of this door but it was as if someone else was controlling her body. Like someone else made her walk up to the door and knock on it. Why had she knocked on that door?

She opened the door without looking through the peephole, as she wasn't used to it cause her door didn't have one and almost couldn't believe her eyes. Spencer. With a frown on her face she wanted to ask the blonde what she was doing here but decided against it when Spencer pleaded with her eyes not to. Opening the door wider, she let the blonde in. With a last look into the hallway, Sam closed the hotel door.


Chapter Twenty-Four

Spencer opened the door and listened for some kind of movement that would indicate there was still someone present in her apartment. Upon hearing complete silence, she released a breath she was holding and ran a hand through her hair. She felt bad for having a sense of relief coursing through her but then again, she felt bad about a lot of things that occurred in the past 24 hours.

She shuffled into the living room, while kicking off her shoes, and dropped her jacket en purse on the couch. Craving some water, she walked into the kitchen and poured herself a glass.

"You're back."

The blonde shrieked and dropped the glass she was holding, sending shatters all over the kitchen floor. She watched the shards settle themselves on the floor before looking up and seeing a neutral faced Ashley regarding her with a look she had yet to decipher.


"It's alright." Spencer replied but didn't move. Mostly because she wasn't looking forward to stepping into the broken glass barefoot. But a small part inside her kept the broken glass as a barrier between them and refused to move. "What are you doing here?"

The brunette shrugged and folded her hands in front of her. "Hell if I know." After Spencer left, Ashley wanted to follow her and make her understand this was just a big misunderstanding on her part. However, the rational voice in her head told her to give the blonde some space. So she did. But when she woke up on Spencer's couch and no sign of the blonde, Ashley's vivid imagination took her for quite the colourful spin. Not even calling her best friend and explaining the entire ordeal had helped. She couldn't shake the thought of Spencer cheating on her with that Sam woman, just to get back at her. And when Ashley had a thought in her head…

Spencer frowned and glanced around her, avoiding Ashley's piercing gaze. Maybe she should clean up the mess she had just made. It was better than standing here, trying to avoid the other woman. She opened the door under the sink and took out a small broom and pan and began cleaning up the broken glass.

"You shouldn't do that barefoot." Ashley stated. She frowned at Spencer shrugging but not giving a reply. This wasn't helping her fight against her mind and its telltales. "Let me." She said and gently grasped the blonde by the arm.

Spencer sighed but gave in. She let Ashley lead her through the debris but hissed when something pierced through the skin of her foot. Well fuck. She hopped on one foot to the kitchen table and sat down on a chair.

Ashley leaned down and took hold of the Spencer's aching foot. The long shard appeared to have only grazed the skin but I was rather long cut. "Where do you keep your first aid box?" Her mind might have a other ideas but Ashley couldn't just leave the blonde high and dry. At the end of the day, it was her feelings that won the endless battle between her and her mind.

"In the bathroom."

Ashley nodded and quickly recovered the box. Opening it, she took out some antiseptic and cleaned the wound. Once she was satisfied, she put on a band aid and out of pure instinct placed a soft kiss on the with animals decorated bandage. She pulled back when she realized she had done and with a fearful look regarded Spencer.

The blonde blinked a few times before kick-starting her brain. She put her hand on Ashley's neck and pulled her forward, crushing her lips forcefully with the brunette's. She felt a gasp escape the other woman's mouth and secretly smiled. Forgetting all about the cut on her foot, she stood up and straddled Ashley's lap. Her hands ran under the brunette's top, fleetingly across her back, leaving goose bumps in its trail. Momentarily leaving Ashley's lips, she pulled the top off and threw it behind her. She openly stared at the beauty of the other woman and couldn't help to take a moment to thank her lucky stars for bringing Ashley back into her life.

"Less of the thinking, more of the moaning and groaning." The brunette said huskily and took of Spencer's white blouse. "I love this shirt on you." Spencer just nodded absently. "But I think right now I like it better off you."

The blonde grinned and nipped at a sensitive spot near Ashley's collar bone. "I agree." She unclasped the black lace bra but didn't yet take it off. Grinning a cheeky grin, she leaned back and cocked her head. "How do you feel about underwear?"

"Well I get Victoria Secret's catalogue in my mail and let's say that's one kind of junk mail I don't toss away." Ashley replied in a serious tone but couldn't keep the beginnings of a smile of her face.

"Shut up."

"Alright." And with that she vigorously kissed the blonde, rapidly removing the rest of Spencer's clothing. When the blonde attempted to shed the brunette of the rest of her clothes, Ashley just swatted the hands away and growled, "My playtime. Reserve your own." As soon as she had a writhing naked Spencer on her lap, she gave the older woman a smile and softly kissed the swollen lips. "I love you." She whispered between sweet, short kisses.

"I love you too."


Chapter Twenty-Five

Ashley groaned and stretched her still sleeping muscles. She felt her knee pop and glared at the joint from afar. Not that it would notice the fierce look anyway. She opened her left eye and squinted at the daylight shining through the window. Someone forgot to close the curtains last night. Then again, they were both rather occupied last night so neither of them could be blamed for it.

She reached over to the other side of the bed and felt around, hands desperately trying to find the petite form of a certain blonde. When the only thing her hands felt was air, her closed eye quickly shot open and the brunette leaned up on her elbows to examine the rest of the room for her lover.

Looking at the other side of the bed again, a yellow piece of paper caught her eye. She frowned. That was bad. Ashley herself had used the trick with the note multiple times but never had she thought she would one day be at the receiving end. And yet here she was, nervous fluttering in her stomach and all. Poetic justice, if nothing else.

With heavy hands she opened the note and took a deep breath to calm herself, before reading it.


Went to work. Didn't wanna wake you. Feel free to use anything around the place. Put clean towels in the bathroom.



Ashley's eyebrows almost joined her hairline and in a fleeting thought she wondered when exactly she had entered the twilight zone. This wasn't what she was expecting at all. Not that she was complaining, but still.

"Next time don't give yourself a heart attack, Ash." She mumbled to herself and decided it would be a good idea to get up. Her store wouldn't open itself, after all.


Beverly slowly raised her head, away from the novel she was reading by secretly hiding it in a folder and almost couldn't believe her eyes. Uhoh, trouble. She swallowed and threw the person in front of her a small smile, before saying, "Good morning. Can I help you?" She asked in what she hoped was a professional manner. She probably sounded like a squeaky mouse, anyway.

"Is Spencer in?" Sam asked while glancing at the closed office door. The blonde had left her sweater at her room the other day and Sam figured she should return the item in person.

"Su-" Beverly started but with a quick glance at the door, she decided a white lie might be in order. "Actually, no she isn't. She's at court." The assistant said sweetly.

"Alright." Sam muttered with raised eyebrows. She had a feeling the younger girl wasn't being completely honest with her but what was she to do? Make a run for the office? "When will she be back?" She asked instead.

"When the judge closes the case?" Came the flippant reply. Couldn't the woman catch a hint? It wasn't rocket science.

"Okay. I'll come back later then." Sam nodded her goodbyes to Beverly and left. She'd come back another time after giving Spencer a call to check if she was in her office or not.

"Yeah, you don't do that." Beverly mumbled and shot up from her chair, almost running into her boss' office. She took a look behind her to see if Sam was still in the vicinity and opened the door when she was sure the coast was clear.

"Beverly, haven't you heard of knocking?" Spencer said, looking over her rim of her glasses. Had the poor woman knocked her head against the desk again? Clumsy was indeed one way to describe Beverly.

"No. I mean yes! Yes I have, Miss Spencer." The assistant was flipping her head like a fish on dry land. "Just asking if I can go take my lunch break now."

Spencer waved her off with a hand and went back to reading the case file in front of her. "Yes, yes. Be gone."

"Thank you, Miss Spencer." Beverly replied and left the office as quickly as she had entered it.


Chapter Twenty-Six

"So you're telling me she came to see her in the office?"


"No way."

"Yes way!"


"No lies, you doofus!"

"Alright children!" Kayley exclaimed and smacked both Kenny and Beverly upside the head. The older woman rolled her eyes and wondered why she got stuck with babysitting duty. "Cut it out. Now Bev, you got rid of her right?"

The young assistant nodded and smiled smugly. "You should've seen my 'go away you evil woman' skills." She stated proudly.

"I'm sure." Kayley said dryly. Kenny just chuckled behind his hand but kept it down after a mean look from Kayley. "Anyway. I think it's safe to say this Sam person is here to create some havoc. And I'll be damned if she's gonna end up hurting my best friend."

"What do you suggest we do, then?" Beverly asked, biting her lip. She didn't like all this sneaking around but then again, her life wasn't all that exciting to begin with. This at least brought some spunk in her otherwise boring life.

"Shutting the fuck up would be good." Kenny muttered and stood up, waving Ashley over who had just walked in. "Ashley, girl. Good to see you." He hugged her and turned back to the table. "Look guys, it's Ashley!"

"Hey toots" The brunette said while giving her best friend a hug. "Beverly. So what's up?"

"Nothing!" Beverly squealed and swallowed nervously. She had tried to keep her tone light but they all knew she didn't perform well under pressure. Fortunately, about everyone was used to Beverly acting a little weird so hardly any eyebrows were raised when she had another moment.

"Right. Say, Miss Money Penny, you don't happen to know where Spencer is, do ya? I went by her office just now and she wasn't there." The brunette asked, a frown firmly in place. She would've remembered if her girlfriend had a court date planned. Maybe she had a last minute meeting with a client or something alike.

Beverly raised both eyebrows. "She was still there when I left for my break." She desperately hoped that Sam hadn't returned and kidnapped Spencer. Hey, this day and age nothing was able to surprise her anymore.

"Well maybe she went out for some lunch?" Kayley offered, saving Beverly from coming up with a believable excuse. The assistant probably would've come up with 'abducted by aliens'.

"Yeah. I guess." Ashley said. She shrugged off her worries and mentally made a note to call Spencer later. Turning to her best friend, she said, "Hey K, you wanna hit the shops? I need a new pair of shoes."

"Don't you have enough shoes? And what about your store?"

Ashley waved the question away and smirked. "A woman can never have too many shoes and I've got minions to keep that place running. I pay them well!"

Kayley shook her head. "I bet you do. Let's go, idiot."

When the two women had left, Kenny turned to Beverly wiggling his eyebrows. "I guess it's up to you and me to fix this entire Spencer-Sam deal, huh?"

The young assistant snorted and rolled her eyes. "I'm not participating in another one of your freako missions, Kenny. I have work to do at the office anyway." She stood up and patted the waiter on the head. "Now Kenny, you be a good boy, alright?"

"Shut up, you evil wench." Kenny muttered and swatted Beverly's hands away. "Desert me! Fine! See if I care."

"You'll be back. I give you ten minutes, tops." Beverly smirked and went back to her office. Those files weren't going to classify themselves, unfortunately. Not to mention she had a certain boss woman's whereabouts to find.


Chapter Twenty-Seven

"So are there any big cases you're working on?" Sam asked Spencer, taking a sip of her water.

The two had met up around noon, after Sam had called Spencer wondering if she had any plans for the afternoon. The blonde replied she didn't but she was feeling a little hungry. So Sam suggested they'd go out and have lunch in a little diner she had discovered during her stay in New York.

"A few divorce cases, is all really. I've got to say, business has been pretty calm. Don't get me wrong, Beverly and I get by. Well when Beverly actually works, that is." She chuckled.

Sam laughed. "Yeah, I know the feeling." She put down her napkin and studied her companion for a moment. With a tilted head, she slightly frowned. "Is Ashley okay with this?"

"I uh, I kind of didn't tell her. It was rather late minute and I didn't have any time to contact her. But I'm sure she'd be fine with this." Spencer answered firmly, even though she wasn't a hundred percent sure herself. After the recent rough spot they hit, she was afraid Ashley would misinterpret her lunch with Sam and would rather not tell her about it. She didn't like keeping secrets from the brunette but she was only trying to protect her. Even though she also realized she wasn't doing anything wrong. Per se.


"So how come you haven't found anyone yet?" Spencer couldn't understand how no one had managed to catch this extraordinary woman. Even though she knew it wasn't honest to Sam or herself to stay together back in College, she sometimes catches herself wondering what could've been.

"What can I say?" She smiled ruefully and shrugged. "No one has been able to catch my attention. Not to mention our job isn't the best ingredient in a relationship."

"Oh I wouldn't say that." The blonde laughed and ducked Sam's flying napkin. She shrugged at Sam's playful scowl. "I'm just saying."

"Shush you." The playful scowl was replaced with a rueful smile. "No really. I guess my soul mate is still out there." She said softly, giving Spencer a look the blonde couldn't quite place yet.

Spencer cleared her throat and looked down at the table to the break the moment. She couldn't deny the piercing gaze made her a little uncomfortable. She had received many of those gazes in the past but that was when they were together. Shaking her head free of her wandering thoughts, she gave Sam a small smile. Time to change the subject. She had few questions that needed answers. "You know Sam, there is something I need to know."

The other woman squirmed a little in her chair and frowned. "What, uh what do you need to know, Spence?"

"Why are you really in New York?" Spencer asked, getting straight to the point. "You said you're here for business, but every time I try to ask you the nature of your business, you quickly the change the subject and completely avoid it. I know you Sam, you're holding something back. So tell me Sam, what are you really doing here?"

Sam sighed and decided the best course of action was to tell the blonde the truth. She should've known she couldn't have kept this up forever. Unfortunately, Spencer knew her too well for that. "I'm in New York to see a specialist. His name is Mark Jameson."

Spencer frowned and shook her head. "Specialist? The medical kind of specialist? Wait a minute, Jameson. His field of expertise is…" She trailed off when she remembered the name from an article she had read recently. No, it couldn't be him, could it?

"Breast cancer, yep." Sam said light-heartedly, hoping to put Spencer at ease. The last thing she wanted to do was to freak the blonde out.

"You're sick?" Spencer whispered in a daze, as if saying it out loud would make it so much more real.

"Well no. I mean yes. No!" Sam huffed and calmed herself down by taking a deep breath, before continuing. "I'm in complete remission. I was just having another check-up."

"So you're okay now?"

"Well according to the good ol' doc I am, yes. Cancer free."

"Wait a minute. You've been seeing this doctor all along?" Spencer asked bewildered. She also couldn't help herself from feeling a bit hurt. Why didn't Sam look her up sooner, when all this started? She could've used Spencer as a friend in such a rough time. "And you only decided to come see me now?"

Sam sighed and reached across the table to take hold of Spencer's hand. "Spence, I was sick. The chemo made me lose all my hair and I had lost a lot of weight. I wasn't sure I was going to make it and I sure as hell didn't want you to remember me like the sick person I was." Trying to lift the mood, she added tongue-in-cheek, "I do look good now, right?"

"Yeah, you do. You look great." Spencer squeezed Sam's hand. "You should've told me anyway. I still care about you and your well-being, Sam."

"I know. So do I." Sam said softly.

"When are you going back home?"

"Day after tomorrow. I was planning on leaving today, but since we haven't seen each other in such a long time, I booked my flight a little later." Sam answered. She smirked and playfully slapped Spencer's hand. "Are you trying to get rid of me, Spencer?"

Spencer laughed and shook her head. "Never."


Chapter Twenty-Eight

"Ashley." Spencer said when she walked into her office. She glanced behind her at Beverly, who shrugged her shoulders and put on an innocent look. Closing the door behind her, she gave her girlfriend a loving smile.

"Hi babe." The brunette said in a sultry voice and gave the blonde a long passionate kiss.

"Hmm, that's what I call a satisfying welcome." Spencer chuckled and drew her into a warm hug. She loved the way how Ashley would completely open herself while being hugged. As if nothing would hurt her when she was in Spencer's arms.

"So how was your day so far?" Ashley asked casually, placing small kisses near Spencer's collarbone.

The blonde smiled at Ashley's actions. She knew very well what Ashley wanted. So why waste time with small talk? Dragging the brunette to the door, she swiftly opened it and whistled out to her assistant. "Beverly, go take a break. An hour will do."

"Baby…" Ashley moaned and gently bit in Spencer's shoulder.

The blonde snickered and ran a finger down Ashley's cheek. "Scratch that, Beverly. Just go home. Oh and lock up, alright?" And with that she closed the door.

Beverly sighed and put down the pen in her hand. She was only drawing doodles, anyway. Time to go home, now. Her cat would be happy to see her.

Ashley sighed happily and tightened her hold on Spencer. "So really, how was your day?"

"It was fine." Spencer mumbled and tried to cuddle her body further into Ashley's. She just wanted to take a short nap. Just close her eyes. But Ashley had other plans, apparently.

"Fine?" The brunette deadpanned. She poked a finger in the blonde's side when a giggle escaped her. "No giggling, Carlin! Fine?!"

"Alright. It might just surpass the line of fine. Is that better?" Spencer giggled again and lifted her head to catch Ashley's expression. Priceless, as expected. Where was a camera when you needed one?

"Fine! You just had earth shattering, mind blowing sex with me and it's… fine?!" Ashley threw her head back in a dramatically fashion. "Fine!"

The blonde raised her eyebrow at the younger girl's ego but then again, she wasn't wrong so who was she to argue that? "Aww baby. That's not true." She grabbed Ashley's chin so she could look her in the eye and added in a serious tone, "I said it just surpassed the line of fine."

"That's it. Until you can appreciate my talents, I'm cutting you off." The brunette said stubbornly and folded her arms over her chest. She looked the other way, avoiding Spencer's gaze.

"What?" Spencer shrieked and rolled her eyes at herself. So much for not falling into that trap. She poked Ashley's cheek and raised an eyebrow. "Number one, what are you, 16? And number two, have you seen me? Like you can resist me!"

"Now who's the 16-year-old, huh babe?" Ashley leaned in and pressed her lips softly against Spencer's. She smiled and leaned back casually when Spencer tried deepening the kiss. "Sorry sweetie, you haven't fully appreciated my talents yet."

"You evil wench!" Spencer exclaimed and watched Ashley stand up. She would've stopped her comfortable pillow from leaving the warm nest but the view mesmerized her. She shook her head free of any dirty tinted scenarios and grabbed the first thing in reach.

"Spence! Stop grabbing my ass." Ashley playfully slapped the grabbing hands away and chuckled at Spencer's pouting face. She decided to throw the blonde a bone and passionately kissed her. Letting her hands wander a little, she felt Spencer's hand on her sides ready to do some exploring of themselves. She smiled into the kiss and took hold of the hands on her side. "Nuhuh."

"Ashley!" Spencer mock yelled and fell backwards on the couch. The woman would be the death of her one day! Tease. "You're a tease." She muttered.

"I know." The brunette winked. She picked up her clothes that were scattered around the room and started putting them on. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Spencer openly admiring her. "Eyes north, Spence."

"Shut up you." The blonde growled. With a sigh she stood up as well to find her clothes.

"So Miss Carlin, can I persuade you into having dinner with me tonight?"

"Why Miss Davies, you sure can." With a sultry grin, she added, "I can't say no to a beautiful woman asking me out, now can I?"

Ashley smiled. "Nope. I'll pick you up at 7." And with a last kiss, she left the office.

Spencer happily sighed and flopped back on the couch with a cheesy grin. "When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie…" She muttered out loud and giggled out loud at her own giddiness. Taking a glance at the clock, she decided it was time to head on home and get ready for her date tonight.

To Be Continued

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