DISCLAIMER: Paramount owns Star Trek: Voyager and all her crew. I am doing this for fun, not profit. This story also contains f/f and m/m subtext interaction of the romantic kind; if that sort of thing bothers you, please don't read.

When All Else Fails

By Quew

Seven of Nine knew she had a great body. She had analysed it immediately when all her implants had been removed, and discovered that it was aesthetically pleasing in relation to the ideals and expectations of the modern human. Basically, she knew she was one hot mama, but unlike some of her ilk she disliked the fact that some of the humans she knew responded to her positively based solely on the fact that she had a nice rack.

She proffered to use her mind to get what she wanted, although, purely for research, she had determined that wearing a low cut top and leaning forward at an angle of fifteen degrees was normally enough to get the attention of any heterosexual human male.

But, after a few eyebrow raising experiments in Voyagers' mess hall, Seven had discovered just how powerful her abundant cleavage really was. It was a question of opening her top just at a moment when the person she was speaking to was completely taken by surprise. They would stop whatever they were doing. They would stare. Some of them even started to drool a little. And thus, Seven discovered she could hypnotise people with the unstoppable power of her breasts. She had even tried it on the Captain once, with surprising results.

It was, much to her distaste, a method she was going to have to employ now.

Chakotay blinked. He blinked again, and then began to sway slightly, his gaze unfocused and his pupils large.

'Fluughheerrr,' he managed.

'Indeed, Commander Chakotay,' Seven said mildly, re-buttoning her top. 'I have to inform you that you have fallen under the spell of my fabulous bosom.'


'Yes, really. I regret having to stoop to such methods, but I find that I have no other choice.' She sighed, staring into the vacant Commanders eyes. Although Seven was not usually one to talk, she found she suddenly liked having a captive audience, and she completely ignored the fact that having her tell her plan to Commander Chakotay was a convenient way for the author to get rid of a large chunk of exposition.

'You see, I have a great power, Commander. And, as I'm sure you will know, with great power comes great responsibility. I have never used The Full Power of The Bosom…until now,' she paused to wipe a small drop of drool from Chakotay's chin, and her eyes closed for a split second. When they re-opened, they were dark and infinitely sad. 'I do not understand why she would pick him over me, why she would marry him...' she whispered.

She shook her head to clear it. Her hair, having grown since she had left Voyager over six months ago, was in a much more natural style than it had been on the ship and a few strands were slipping out from under the hair clips she wore to tickle the skin of her face. 'You must help me, Commander.'


'Do not worry: You will be able to speak normally soon. I find that sometimes my bosom can have an adverse affect on certain peoples speech centers and motor functions.'

'Gnarf,' Chakotay said.

Seven realized that she had waited too long; the affect her bazookas' had had on the second in command of Voyager was wearing off. Sighing slightly, she flashed him quickly once more, careful to catch him before he fell backwards off his chair.

Now was the moment, now she had to tell him what she wanted him to do, while he was still under her spell… 'Listen very carefully, Commander…' she began.

'Tom, hi!' Chakotay bounded through the former pilots front door, a bottle of wine hidden unsuccessfully behind his back. 'You're looking good! How are you? How have you been!'

'I'm…good,' Tom said slowly, eyeing his former commander with bemusement - Chakotay had come to visit only twice since they'd returned to earth, and both times he'd spoken to B'Elanna for most of the time, bonding with her over Marquis memories.

'Look, Tom,' Chakotay began, thrusting the bottle into the pilots hands. 'I feel bad, okay?' He flashed the blonde a charming smile. 'We've never really chatted since we got back from Voyager…I would like to catch up. How about dinner, tonight?'

'Oh…I don't know…' Tom said, secretly pleased that Chakotay thought enough of him to come all this way to invite him to dinner…but…he had promised B'Elanna he'd be there when she got home tonight.

'Harry will be there too,' Chakotay blurted upon seeing Tom's expression falter into indecision.

'Harry?' The pilot murmured - he hadn't seen the young man in months, and the blonde didn't mind admitting that he missed his good-natured friend. 'Okay, sure. Let me just square it up with B'Elanna.'

Chakotay nodded, hiding his disappointment that it had taken Harry to get the blonde to go - was an evening with the rugged Commander not enough to tickle Tom's fancy? He sighed and shook his head. It wasn't like it mattered; Harry wasn't actually going to be there. Smiling to himself, Chakotay watched the younger man contact and speak to his wife through the vid-screen and settled down to wait.

'Seven? What on Earth are you - Oh Kahless! What are you doing?!' B'Elanna thrust her arms across her eyes and stumbled backwards.

'I'm sorry to have to revert to these methods, B'Elanna,' Seven said, moving forward to catch the half-Klingon.

'What methods!?' B'Elanna cried, pushing Seven's arm away and peeking out through her fingers. 'Do your top up!'

For a moment, Seven was stunned into immobility. She simply stared at the engineer, the open flaps of her top blowing in the slight breeze.

'I…' She managed. Slowly she came back to herself, and almost in slow motion she re-buttoned her top and B'Elanna was stunned to see a red blush creeping across Seven's face, incredibly bright against her pale skin. "I…I'm sorry…' The once collected ex-drone whirled on her heel, her absolute mortification at the situation apparent on her porcelain features.

B'Elanna blinked as she watched the tall woman's retreating back, and then rewound her memory. She'd heard a knock at the door. Check. She'd opened the door. Check. Seven had been standing there. Check. Seven had flashed her. Check….What?

What the hell was going on? Seven of Nine, ex-Borg drone, ex-Astrometrics officer, ex-thorn in B'Elanna's side had really just appeared out of the blue after having not spoken to B'Elanna for nearly five months and had…had waved her boobies in the engineers face like she was saying hello in a new and bizarrely uninhibited language. B'Elanna, needless to say, was slightly stunned.

B'Elanna slowly put one hand over her mouth, and before she knew it she was running out of her house and down the street, slowly catching up with Seven's long legged gait.

'Seven…Seven!' She called, reaching out for the ex-drone as she drew level.

With the arrogance borne of embarrassment, Seven did not reply, ripping her arm out of the engineers grasp and looking sternly ahead.

'Seven…What's going on? Will you just stop!' B'Elanna called. She stopped walking, putting her hands on her hips, and after a moment Seven halted.

'What on Earth were you doing?' B'Elanna asked, walking forward and placing herself in Seven's path. 'That was just…surreal…'

'I am sorry,' Seven said, staring resolutely into the middle distance.

'Don't be sorry! Be fully clothed next time you come to my door!' B'Elanna said, throwing her hands up. 'What were you doing? If you wanted to come in all you had to do was ask nicely!'

'I am sorry, B'Elanna!' Seven said hotly, displaying more emotion than B'Elanna remembered. 'I made an…error in judgment.'

'A mistake?'

There was a tense silence, then Seven inclined her head ever so slightly. 'Yes.'

'Well…' B'Elanna relaxed somewhat. 'Would you like to come in and have a drink while you're here? And I have to ask; what was that about?'

'I'm afraid I cannot explain.' Seven looked at the sky as she spoke, keeping her face impassive even as her cheeks continued to redden.

'Fine,' B'Elanna shrugged. 'But let's get out of the street before you start waving them at strangers if the fancy takes you, hey?'

'I must go,' Seven said, and before B'Elanna could stop her she'd broken into a fast jog, reaching the transporter station and beaming up quickly. The last thing the engineer saw was the look of acute embarrassment on Seven's face.

'Kahless…' B'Elanna sighed, throwing up her hands. 'What a day.'

She slowly walked back to the house she shared with Tom, still unsteady after seeing the ex-drone. She was feeling off-balance; why on earth would someone she never even used to like turn up without warning and get naked? Had Tom been playing a trick on her?

She tipped her head to the side and thought, but the more she pondered the less likely it became that Seven was a part in one of her husbands schemes and B'Elanna wouldn't accept that someone like Seven would get naked at her husbands' request, no matter the circumstances. No, Seven had done this alone… but why?

She heard the front door open and realized she had been sat thinking about Seven for nearly three hours. Tom and Chakotay were back. She heard them laughing by the door, and soon enough they wandered into the lounge arm in arm, laughing over some shared joke. She stood, smiling, as they entered and embraced Chakotay warmly. She grinned at her husband and bade the pair sit, getting them all drinks.

'You'll never guess who I saw tonight,' she said, a chuckle escaping her lips.

'Who?' Tom asked, relaxing next to his former commander, and smiling at his wife.

'Well…' B'Elanna stopped as she laughed, the absurdity of it all finally getting to her. 'I heard this knock at the door, so I went an answered it…and Seven was stood there, and then…' She was laughing hard now, and Tom had started to giggle at his wife, waiting for the punch line. 'And then, without saying anything…she flashed me!'

'WHAT??!!?' Tom squealed, his eyes wide and shocked, and B'Elanna roared with laughter at the look on Tom's face, nodding.

'Yeah! I know!' She said, and soon the pair of them were in hysterics, clutching at their stomachs and bent double with laughter.

They laughed themselves out, but it was only when B'Elanna glanced at Chakotay that her laughter petered out completely.

'What's the matter?' She asked as Tom sobered up, watching the older man.

'What's the matter?' Chakotay repeated almost thoughtfully, the look of rage on his features fading away as he rubbed his tattoo, sighing. 'Nothing, nothing,' he sighed. 'I'm sorry: I'm tired, and…it's been a long night. I ought to be going.'

'Okay…' Tom said, sharing a look with B'Elanna. 'I'll walk you to the transporters.'

Chakotay nodded, and after giving B'Elanna a kiss on the cheek goodbye and a wan smile, he was gone. B'Elanna shook her head…what had that been about?

Tom was having similar thoughts as he walked with the handsome man, until finally his curiosity got the better of him.

'Are you okay, Chakotay?' He asked.

'Yes, I'm fine thank you Tom,' Chakotay replied, smiling at the pilot.

'What was that about? I'm mean…it was kind of funny…' Tom said.

'Funny?' Chakotay whirled, stopping Tom with a look. 'Funny?'

'Not funny in the traditional sense, perhaps?' Tom said slowly, frightened by his friends' behaviour, 'More like 'I can't believe that happened' funny?'

'No, not really,' Chakotay said, taking a step forward into Tom's personal space, 'Maybe she was just trying to get what she wanted...maybe she didn't know what else to do. Do you know what it is like?' He bent down till his face was inches from tom's, and the pilot couldn't suppress a shiver as Chakotay's fierce brown eyes bored into him, freezing him on the spot. 'To want to be with someone and not know how to get them? To…miss your chance?'

Tom was silent; he couldn't speak, couldn't move, couldn't blink. 'I didn't think so,' Chakotay said, shaking his head. Tom's eyes flickered down to Chakotay's lips as the darker man unconsciously wet them, the tip of his tongue peeking out for a split second. Tom's temperature shot up, his face burning and his hands trembling…and he didn't know why. He quickly looked up to see Chakotay's intense gaze, slightly questioning.

'I should…I should go,' Tom croaked, forcing himself to take a step back, no matter how much he didn't want to. He felt like floodgates within him had opened and he didn't know how to control what was flooding his mind and body. Shivering, he took a step away, then another, until his feet were pounding the pavement regularly, taking him closer and closer to his wife. His wife…

He sped up, jogging and then running, until he burst through the front door and tore through the house, searching for B'Elanna. He found her staring out of the kitchen window, a preoccupied look upon her face.

'Lanna!' He gasped, and she turned.

'Tom, we need to talk,' she began. Then she paused and looked at him more closely. 'What the hell happened to you?' She asked, guiding him to a chair.

'Chakotay…' the shocked man managed.

'Oh Kahless…' B'Elanna looked horrified, and Tom looked up as she grimaced. 'He didn't flash you his breasts too, did he?'

B'Elanna, although most people wouldn't credit it, had perfect comic timing sometimes, and this was one of those times. Tom smiled, then laughed, his shock fading.

'Not exactly,' he said, and then began to explain. When he was done, B'Elanna looked at him thoughtfully.

'Like I said,' she said slowly, taking his hand and squeezing it. 'We need to talk, Tom. There are some things about us that I think we need to sort out...'

The Commander knocked on the plain door, and within moments it was opened. 'Wait! You don't need to do that!' Chakotay cried, clapping his hands over his eyes as Seven prepared to unleash the bosoms' effect in his direction. Seven hesitated, taking her hands away from the special quick release catch.

'Are you okay, Commander?' She asked.

'Call me Chakotay, Seven; we did date, remember? I've seen you mostly naked.'

'And I've seen your thong collection, Chakotay,' Seven said, smirking.

'Ah. Right.' Chakotay reddened. 'Yes. Well. Anyway, you don't need to hypnotise me anymore.'

'You are not angry?'


'That I…hypnotized you before,' Seven looked away.

Chakotay sighed and shook his head. 'It's okay. It's fine. You were just doing what you thought you had to do. Look, I just wanted to drop by to tell you that I understand why you're doing what you're doing, but are you sure that you are going about it the right way?'

Seven stiffened slightly, hiding her anxiety with arrogance. 'I am not sure I understand what you mean.'

He looked at her, and after a moment she waved him inside. Her quarters were sparse and minimalist, but with enough homely touches and splashes of colour to make it feel like a home. 'I mean, why don't you just tell B'Elanna how you feel?' Chakotay clarified, sitting down on a sofa that was surprisingly comfortable and eyeing the apartment with interest.

'How long have you been…free of my influence, Commander?' Seven asked, sitting primly on the end of the sofa.

'It's Chakotay, Seven,' he reminded her gently. 'And it wore off about halfway through my dinner with Tom. I don't know why, but after I got over the shock, I remembered everything.'

'You did?'

'I thought that might be unusual - in common forms of hypnosis, memory recall is variable.'

'Indeed. And you are not…resentful?'

'No, Seven, I'm not. If anything, I'm grateful. You have given me the opportunity I've been waiting for…I've always regretted not seeing if Tom was interested on Voyager, and you gave me a little taste of what a relationship with him might be like. Thank you.'

Seven looked extremely nonplussed. 'You are welcome,' she said. 'But…what do we do now?'

'I think the next move is theirs, Seven,' Chakotay said, shifting a little closer to the ex-drone and carefully placing a hand over hers. 'We wait.'

She looked him in the eyes and nodded once, taking comfort from the fact that someone else could relate to what she was going through. 'Still…I do not understand why she was not affected by my cleavage. Do you think my power is waning?'

'Having been on the receiving end, I can say almost definitely not!' Chakotay said, smiling. 'Perhaps she is immune?'

'Perhaps,' Seven conceded as they settled down to wait.

'Are you ready?'

'This is insane! Why do I have to be the one to do this??!'

'You think it'd be better if I did it? Plus, it was your idea; one that I'm not sure we should do, by the way.'

'Well, do you have a better one? And who knows what would happen if you did it.'

'No, I don't have a better plan, but I still think this one could do with a bit more planning. Do we have the right building?'

'Yup, and the right floor, the right corridor and the right apartment. Since when do you plan?'

'Since…since…since I don't know! I just want this to go right!'

'Keep your voice down. Everything is going to go fine. Look…Thank you. For agreeing, for feeling the same way…for understanding.'

'You're welcome, and I think I owe you the same thanks. Are you ready?'

'I…I think so, yes.'

'You're happy with this?'


'Me too.'


'Lets do it.'

Seven was startled from her thoughts by a heavy knock on the door . She shared a look with Chakotay and slowly unfolded her long body from her seat, striding to the door.

What if they'd discovered her plan? What if they were angry? She reflexively fingered the quick release catch on the side of her top but let her fingers fall, sighing. She would face their wrath with dignity, not half-naked.

Keying in the door code and feeling Chakotay coming to stand just behind her left shoulder, she took a deep breath and opened the door.

The shout took her by surprise, as did the impromptu dance Tom did, the fake breasts slapping against his chest as the ties came undone. B'Elanna was there, keeping time for him, grinning and clapping her hands while glancing at the ex-drone's face, perhaps waiting for her reaction. Seven realised that they had done this for a reason, and it could go one of two ways - either it would break the tension and the ice in one smooth blow, or it would offend and embarrass the ex-drone so much they'd never speak again.

Seven's mouth fell open, her logic and calm momentarily overcome by the sight of the helms-man trying to do the Irish jig with fake breasts that were bouncing so hard they kept hitting him in the face. Tom finished the dance with a fancy pirouette, going down on one knee and flinging his arms wide, jazz hands finishing the picture.

Silence descended.

Someone laughed.

Chakotay stumbled out of the apartment, dragging Seven with him, laughing so hard his eyes were almost shut. He pulled the helms-man to his feet and hugged him; he knew what the song and dance had meant.

Seven stood immobile, her face pale and her eyes slightly unfocused. She tried to pull herself together and saw B'Elanna lick her dry lips and carefully start to approach. The engineer hesitantly reached out, letting her hand fall on Seven's arm.

'Are you alright?' She asked softly.

Seven looked down, losing herself for a moment in the concern she saw in the liquid brown eyes of the shorter woman.

'I am…' She searched for the words, her gaze focusing on her feet for a split-second. 'Embarrassed. But I believe I will recover.' She looked up and smiled, relieved to see an answering smile on the half-Klingons face. She felt the first stirrings of doubt as B'Elanna's face fell, and the engineer rubbed her ridges.

'Look, Seven…' She began, and the ex-drone started to steel herself for the worst at the hesitance in B'Elanna's voice. 'I was wondering…would you like to …get some coffee…sometime?'

The sentence, hesitantly spoken though it was, meant the world to Seven. 'I would love to,' she said quickly, hoping her voice didn't project the utter joy she felt swamping through her veins.

At those words, B'Elanna looked up and flashed her a quick toothy grin that expressed her happiness and relief that Seven hadn't turned her down.

'Tom and I…well, we talked, and we agreed that it wasn't working,' the engineer explained. 'We're more like best friends that husband and wife. We just became comfortable with how our lives were, and it took something else to make us see that we could have so much more…that was you, Seven, you and Chakotay. Thank you. If you hadn't of tried to hypnotise me with your breasts, I don't think we would have figured it out…or at least, not so soon.'

'You are welcome,' Seven said softly, unable to hide the first hints of the smile she felt itching to get free. 'So you are…inviting me on a date?'

'Yes,' B'Elanna said, her grin growing by the second. She offered her arm to the ex-drone and Seven took it proudly, letting the smile appear as Tom and Chakotay fell into step. In the end, and certainly not in the way she had expected, everything had turned out much better than she had anticipated.

Squeezing B'Elanna's arm slightly just to make sure this was really happening, Seven allowed the smile on her face to bloom as the four of them headed out of the building.

The End

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