DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything in this story except my imaginings no profit is being made.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
Greenlee stands facing the wall with her fingers pinching the bridge of her nose. The damn therapist had hit just too close to home. She suddenly screams out her frustration and clears the table in front of her with a sweep of her arms. Her hair flies wildly around her face as she stomps her foot.
`Fucking therapist! How dare she get me to admit that I hate Leo right now!' Greenlee screams in her own head not wanting to voice it out loud again. Another scream works its way from within her and comes out of her mouth strangled sounding as she turns resting herself on the table she cleared moments ago in her tirade. When she looks up blowing the hair out of her face, she sees Kendall staring at her with a look of concern and perhaps something else, but she isn't sure what.
"How long have you been there?!" Greenlee spouts.
"Um " Kendall shakes her head clearing strange thoughts from it, "Longer than you would want me to admit."
"How long?" Greenlee demands.
"Long enough to know you are seriously hurting and that you don't really mean you can't forgive Leo." Kendall admits.
"You've been here all that time?!" Greenlee starts to shake.
"I didn't didn't mean to intrude, but I I was worried about you. You never believe me, but I do worry about you. You seem so lost and out of touch." Kendall notices the shaking and begins to move closer to her partner.
"Lost?!" Greenlee laughs viciously, "Out of touch?! Touch what the hell is that?!" Greenlee screams.
"Greenlee .you're not alright please don't say you are." Kendall is practically right in front of her.
"You and everyone even Bianca, Damn her! You all want to make sure I'm not breaking. You all want to put whatever is broken back together! You can't! He's gone and you can't fucking fix it! See, gone.." she whirls around showing it is just her standing there.
"Greenlee I.." Kendall tries.
"No! You don't get it. Out of touch?!?!?! Let me tell you about touch. Not one of you has reached out to touch me. David he hugged me he tried, but it was too much for him. I must be tainted .or do I burn you all?! No one has offered anything to me, but useless words and sentiments. Liza she tried too, but then she simply gave me a number to someone else. You all pass me along like I'm some charity. I don't have dreams. I don't have fantasies left. I am trying desperately to live through all of yours, but I am not even good at that. None of you not one of you has reached out to me really. Am I so scary no one can see ." Greenlee stops talking as the sobs wrack her body.
Kendall simply stands there in shock realizing what she has just heard is completely true. For the most part, it is the truth anyway. Here was a woman who lost the love of her life and yet all anyone had truly offered was well wishes and apologies. Kendall of all people should have been able to see this pain. She shakes her head at herself.
`I did see it, but I was afraid. Afraid of my own feelings that this little slip of a woman can cause to course through my body. I don't want to be one of those people oh, the hell with it.'
Kendall crosses the few feet separating her from Greenlee Dupree and swiftly wraps the woman up in her arms. She feels Greenlee tense and try to scramble away, but she holds on tightly not letting her go. She holds Greenlee as she feels the smaller woman tuck her head into her shoulder and sob out her pain. She strokes her hands up and down Greenlee's back comfortingly.
`How could someone not love this woman?' Kendall scolds herself with the question, `I'm tired of not getting what I want too.'
Kendall kisses the top of Greenlee's head in a simple gesture of caring. She stands there holding Greenlee as she cries herself out. She feels the sobs stopping and hears the hiccupping sniffles. She decides to wait for Greenlee to move away since she is quite happy holding this woman who strangles her heart more every day without knowing it. The hiccups stop a little later, but still Greenlee makes no move to get free of the embrace. Kendall smiles hoping this is exactly what Greenlee needs. She subconsciously squeezes Greenlee tighter to her. Greenlee sighs and actually raises her arms around Kendall. Kendall feels the tentative squeeze around her back. She sighs as well more from the knowledge that she will never have anything more than this with this vivacious woman.
"I Kendall you didn't have to " Greenlee mumbles into the crook of her shoulder.
"Ssshhh ." Kendall soothes, "I I would have done it sooner, but I I was afraid you were right. Why would I think that you would take comfort from me?" Kendall tries to explain.
"I .I'm not easy to know but you seem to be the best at it sometimes." Greenlee offers.
"I I simply understand is all." Kendall covers, "Would you like me to let you go yet?"
"I no.." Greenlee whispers.
"Okay." Kendall croaks, as she feels suddenly very warm everywhere Greenlee's body is in contact with hers.
They stand holding one another for what seems like an eternity to Kendall as her body's temperature just tracks higher and higher. She realizes that her arousal rate is skyrocketing with this much closeness to the firebrand in her arms.
"Why were you afraid?" Greenlee asks quietly as she can feel Kendall's heart racing faster.
"Huh?" Kendall only half hears the question over the blood rushing in her ears.
"Why were you of all people afraid? You always stand up to me and put me in my place." Greenlee fishes again.
"I I didn't think it was my place to intrude I ." Kendall stammers suddenly out of excuses.
"Are you afraid of me now?" Greenlee shifts in Kendall's arms trying to look up at Kendall's face.
"Uh..why would you ask me that?"
"I can feel your heart racing. Are you afraid of me now?" Greenlee pushes. `I don't want her to be afraid of me I want her to touch me why?' she asks herself.
"I I'm n-nervous " Kendall squeaks out.
"Why?" Greenlee looks up at her partner.
"I uh I don't know." Kendall lies rather unconvincingly.
"Is it because you think I know your secret now?" Greenlee asks not really having a complete clue if this is the case or not.
"M-my secret?" Kendall asks quietly.
Greenlee doesn't answer her. She simply looks up at her with those big brown eyes as her mind reels with possibilities.
`I could drop this now. I could just move away and tell her I was pulling her chain. I could simply fall back into reliable bitch mode and piss her off. I don't want to do any of those things. I want to fall into her arms and feel alive again.' Greenlee shudders at her own decision.
Greenlee sees the line of concentration and anxieties furrow its way onto her partner's brow. She doesn't want to see it there. She wants to make it go away the same as she wants Kendall to make her anger stop for a while. She stretches upward and very simply and quickly presses her lips to Kendall's. She feels Kendall tense up this time and her lips part in gasp of surprise. Greenlee not wanting to give Kendall a chance to escape slides her tongue through the small opening licking Kendall's bottom lip in passing. She massages Kendall's tongue relishing the tangy flavor of the drink Kendall must have enjoyed at lunch. It isn't but a moment and Kendall has tightened their embrace and takes over the kiss they are sharing. Kendall groans as she feels Greenlee's fingers dig deep into her back. Somewhere in her mind she has no idea why this is happening, but at the moment all she can do is feel not think. She slides her hands down to Greenlee's ass and grabs causing Greenlee to break their kiss and breathe in a deep hissing breath. Greenlee opens her eyes and looks directly into Kendall's. She sees the questions forming in Kendall's eyes. She shakes her head and bites gently on Kendall's bottom lip before she can voice any of them.
"Not now please just I want to feel alive do that for me?" Greenlee practically pleads.
Kendall looks down at the smaller woman and growls loudly out of frustration and wanting all at the same time. She knows she shouldn't do this on impulse, but she can't deny Greenlee anything at this point, especially not when her own heart and body won't let her. She captures Greenlee's lips again in a harsh, passionate kiss. Greenlee moans deep in her throat at Kendall's answer. Kendall turns them toward the round table in the room pushing Greenlee at it propelling her onto it. She has Greenlee sitting on it as she bends her body to keep kissing the lovely woman. She feels Greenlee tugging at her clothes and rapidly they slide free with some tearing. Kendall feels the cool air on her bare skin as she divests Greenlee of her outer garments. As she reveals every piece of new skin, she plants wet kisses over it. Occasionally, she nips the skin between her sharp teeth eliciting deep groans out of her new lover. She feels Greenlee's hands roaming over her back, cupping her ass, and groping her breasts. She stands partially back from Greenlee taking in her beauty. She sees Greenlee's skin flush with desire and moans herself at the woman breathing heavily in front of her. She reaches out touching the straps of Greenlee's bra looking at Greenlee questioningly. Greenlee bites her bottom lip and reaches up unhooking the front clasp on the bra releasing her small yet firm breasts. Kendall smiles as she licks her lips in anticipation. Greenlee smiles at her, a real smile like Kendall hasn't seen in a long time. Kendall bends low taking one light tan nipple into her mouth suckling it as if she had been doing this forever. Greenlee sighs at the warm contact to her skin. She briefly tangles her hands in Kendall's long hair holding her close to her before sliding one hand down to unhook Kendall's bra as well. She runs this hand to the front feeling it slide loose from Kendall's pert breasts and runs it over the tightening bud. She feels Kendall's response in the form of a light bite to her nipple. Greenlee arches her back offering more of herself to Kendall. Kendall moves on to the other breast lavishing it with the same attention. As she pays close attention to this breast, she trails one hand up the inside of Greenlee's knee up her thigh and back down to her knee. This causes Greenlee to whine as she feels the hand trailing lower again. She thrusts her hips up and into Kendall's trim stomach trying to get her want across. Kendall smiles against Greenlee's chest. She trails her hand back up the inside of Greenlee's thigh slowly feeling her move her hips in need and want. When she reaches the edge of Greenlee's silk panties, she trails her tongue from her breasts down to her navel. As her tongue twirls around the smaller woman's belly button, she feels Greenlee's hands in her hair again as she lays back onto the table. Kendall raises both hands to the waistband of her panties and lowers them agonizingly slow down Greenlee's strong legs. She kisses down one thigh behind the trail of the lowering under garments. She removes them along with Greenlee's heels dropping it all on the floor. She then kisses each foot before planting kisses up the other thigh back toward Greenlee's fragrant center. She kisses the area just above her pubic bone as she comes back up and over Greenlee to look into her face. All she sees is passion reflected there. Greenlee reaches up and strokes Kendall's face before pulling her into a heated kiss. As the kiss continues, Kendall once again slides her hand back toward Greenlee's core this time more rapidly not able to control herself any longer. Greenlee writhes under her as she waits for Kendall to touch her where she needs it most. Kendall sucks longingly on Greenlee's tongue as her fingers dip into the warm heat of Greenlee for the first time. Greenlee breaks the kiss arching her neck back as she breathes in deeply.
"Yessssss ." Greenlee hisses loudly.
"Mmmmm " Kendall moans in response as she bites playfully at Greenlee's graceful neck now exposed to her.
Kendall seeks out Greenlee's clit and slowly runs her fingers over it feeling her hips seeking more contact. Kendall moves so that she is now straddling one of Greenlee's legs giving her more room to move. She circles Greenlee's clit occasionally pinching it listening to Greenlee's breathing get louder and heavier. She kisses back up Greenlee's neck tasting Greenlee's lips again as she moves her fingers down to her lover's entrance. She circles the entrance teasing Greenlee practically into frenzy beneath her. Finally, she slips one thin finger up to the first knuckle into Greenlee who thrusts upwards taking the whole finger into herself.
"More " Greenlee growls out almost demanding.
"Greenlee " Kendall whispers onto Greenlee's lips.
Sensing that Kendall is waiting for something Greenlee pulls her hands free of Kendall's hair and moves them down Kendall's back slowly, lightly causing the taller woman to squirm. Then, as soon as she has grabbed Kendall's ass pulling her into her, she drags her short nails roughly back up Kendall's back causing her to arch back into her again.
"Please, Kendall . more " Greenlee says looking into the taller woman's eyes.
Kendall closes her eyes trying to hold in some emotion as she pulls back the one finger in the smaller woman and replaces it with two on its way back in. Greenlee moans loudly as she begins a slow rhythm with Kendall. Kendall thrusts slowly in and back out of her smaller lover. She hears the breath hitch in and out with the moving thrusts. Kendall feels her own arousal growing painfully. Then, she feels Greenlee shift her leg up and into her own center. She arches her body into the thrust of Greenlee's leg. Greenlee smiles into their kiss as she feels Kendall's arousal coat her thigh with each thrust together. She loses concentration as they writhe together in ecstasy. Kendall speeds up their pace when she feels Greenlee's muscles begin to flutter around her fingers. As Greenlee matches their new pace, Kendall moves her thumb up and over Greenlee's clit in faster and faster circles. They break their kiss, as each has to draw in breath after breath as their impending climaxes draw nearer. Kendall suddenly feels Greenlee's free leg wrap around her waist holding her in tight and close as her whole body trembles then shakes with her climax. The muscles of Greenlee's inner walls clamp down tightly, repeatedly on her fingers as she hears Greenlee shout her pleasure throughout the room.
"Oh, God Yes!!!!!!!!!!!" Greenlee squeezes Kendall completely to her as she climaxes.
"Mmmmm Wonderful Greenlee " Kendall kisses her lover's throat and chin then captures her lips lovingly.
She feels Greenlee relax her body under her and then before she can pull away, Greenlee's hands are on her hips moving her again in a brutal rhythm against her thigh. Kendall hisses in need as her own excitement not sated grows again to a crescendo. It isn't but a few thrusts and Kendall is arching her back as her own orgasm and crying out Greenlee's name.
Greenlee watches as Kendall climaxes and the only thought in her head echoes, `Beautiful, she is truly beautiful like this '
Kendall collapses barely holding herself off of Greenlee in her relaxed state, but not wanting to crush Greenlee. Kendall feels Greenlee's hand moving the wet hair from her face. She gently removes her hand from within Greenlee placing it along side. She then feels Greenlee pull her down and on top of her. Greenlee simply lies there holding Kendall to her listening to their mingled breathing. Kendall kisses Greenlee's cheek softly. Neither of them talks as if they know it will ruin the moment.
`The moment ' Greenlee thinks to herself, `It was just a moment. This is going to get ugly.' She sighs out loud.
`What now?' Kendall wonders to herself, `I know what I feel I just don't I'm not going there.' She chides herself. She cringes as she hears Greenlee sigh.
"Alive. You wanted to feel alive did I..?" Kendall breaks the silence with real words nervously.
"Ssshhh " Greenlee hushes as she feels Kendall tremble, "I you were wonderful ssshh just lay here a moment longer." Greenlee rubs Kendall's back. `What have I done?' Greenlee closes her eyes; `I didn't just mean to use her I guess I did know her secret after all what about Ryan?'
Kendall senses Greenlee's discomfort even though the smaller woman is trying hard as hell not to show it. She knows why she quit wearing the ring around her neck, but no one else does and as a matter of fact no one has asked. She decides mentally to just wait and see what Greenlee says and what happens next. They lay there until Greenlee opens her eyes to see goose bumps forming on Kendall's skin.
"You're cold." Greenlee states without question.
"Um just a little " Kendall blushes, "You?"
"No, stiff a little, but warm with my human blanket here." She squeezes making her point.
"Oh am I too heavy?" Kendall makes to move.
"No not at all " Greenlee stops her from getting up. Greenlee smiles genuinely at Kendall when Kendall looks into her eyes. She leans up giving Kendall a very sincere loving kiss before releasing Kendall to get up.
Kendall carefully moves off of Greenlee and stands nervously lending a hand to Greenlee to get off the table. They both look at the table and blush sheepishly. Kendall picks up her bra and Greenlee's off the floor. She hands Greenlee hers and watches as she puts it on while putting hers on as well. Then, after she replaces her own undies she kneels down to help Greenlee into hers. She pulls them up Greenlee's legs as the smaller woman watches her. As she puts them snugly into place, she leaves a brief kiss on the flat of Greenlee's abdomen. Greenlee touches Kendall's cheek stroking it as she stands up. Kendall blushes turning away to retrieve the rest of her clothing trying to hide her obvious emotions. Both women are silent, as they dress completely afraid of what each will say.
`What is she going to say?' Kendall asks herself over and over in her mind.
`What do I say? Thanks for the good lay, but it can't happen again?' Greenlee shakes her head at herself, `what have I done to us? How could I let shit urge this to happen?!'
Both finally finished stand looking into the big mirror trying to make their faces and hair look like they just didn't have great sex in the office, but they can't avoid talking to each other forever. Finally, Greenlee turns from the mirror looking at Kendall. Kendall swipes one last time over a lipstick smudge on her neck before turning to face Greenlee.
They stare at one another nervously. Finally, Kendall moves toward Greenlee quickly wrapping her in a tight embrace. Greenlee shocked simply returns the embrace. Kendall blinks trying to hide her feelings before setting the tiny woman on her feet. Greenlee steps back adjusting her clothing again and smiling shyly at the taller woman.
"Kendall, it was you were magnificent. I do feel alive, but we both know it can't happen again, right?" Greenlee says lowering her gaze to the floor trying to hide her shame.
Kendall turns to the table closing her eyes and seeing them on the table, "Of " her voice cracks, "Of course. Glad I could be of service." She cringes knowing how that must have sounded.
Greenlee hears the crack of Kendall's voice, but still can't stop here, "Yes, you were. Thank you." She quips.
Kendall feels her shoulders slump even though she tries not to let them. She doesn't turn to face Greenlee. She knows she can't do that if she wants to get out of here with some dignity. She walks toward where her briefcase is on the floor. She picks it up and stands as tall as she can manage.
"You are so very welcome." She chokes out.
"Kendall?" Greenlee calls out.
"Yes?" Kendall doesn't turn.
"Look at me when I am talking to you please." Greenlee pulls out the bitch tone.
Kendall knows she could just walk out, but she can't not on Greenlee not now, "What?" she turns but doesn't look directly at Greenlee. She blinks her eyes trying to keep the hot tears in her eyes until she leaves.
"Tomorrow, I am taking the day off to talk to some possible business prospects so could you please make sure these invoices are checked with the boxes downstairs?" Greenlee goes all business after confirming that Kendall was indeed very upset. `I'm sorry so sorry Kendall.'
"Ehhmm." Kendall clears her throat, "Of course, I will Greenlee good luck with your meetings. I think that I may take half a day myself for some research." She blinks again against the tears.
"Whatever you need to get us up and going." Greenlee answers turning away from Kendall out of guilt.
"Good night, Gr-greens " Kendall doesn't realize she used the short form of her partners name as she turns and exits the scene of the crime.
Greenlee hears the familiar endearment escape Kendall's lips and closes her eyes against the pain of the double meaning in it. She hears Kendall leave as the elevator closes. She sags into a heap into the nearest folding chair. She feels the tears streaming down her cheeks.
"Oh, Leo you would be so ashamed of me right now and not for why I would like to think you would be but because I just hurt someone who offered me help " Greenlee cries.
Greenlee hears the elevator doors ding open and the familiar clink of heels on the floor. She thinks it might be Kendall so she tries to wipe her face only to look up and see Liza standing there.
"Damn, I knew you two were fighting I just saw Kendall bawling her eyes out getting into her car. Won't you two ever get along?" Liza scolds.
Greenlee can't help it she just cries at the same time she starts laughing maniacally. Liza looks at the younger woman concerned. She quickly walks over to her and leans down to her level taking her hands in her own. She wipes the tears off her face motherly-like.
"Okay, something is definitely not right, but some how I don't think you are going to talk to me about it." Liza sits with Greenlee as she tries to gain control over herself not knowing what else to do and worried that this is just the beginning.
Kendall walks into the Valley Inn with a red face, but no longer crying. She wished she knew where Aidan was. At least, she knew he would listen to her if nothing else. She strides into the bar and sits down.
"What will you have?" the bartender asks.
"Vodka with ice . make it a double " she breathes out. The drink is set in front of her. She looks into the clear liquid if only her life were that clear to her.
`Now, what do I do? I just fu no it wasn't that to me I just made love to Greenlee Dupree, but oh God I'm turning into Binky wouldn't she get a laugh..' her mind wonders as she slams down the vodka and calls for another.
Time passes and she loses track of how much she has had to drink. She knows happy hour has already started as patrons begin to fill the bar. All that is left for her is to drink and go to bed alone. Then, she can get up and go to a building housing her new business with a woman who will never look at her the same way again. She waves for another drink and the bartender brings it with a check.
"I think that will do it for you, Miss Hart." He offers.
"I haven't been unruly and I am not falling asleep on the bar. Not to mention it isn't like I am going to be driving anywhere." Kendall actually manages to say without slurring.
"I'm sorry, Miss Hart. It is the Inn's policy. Technically, I was supposed to cut you off about an hour ago." He tries to explain.
"Okay, okay I understand." Kendall actually slurs a little that time, but she slams her drink and begins the trek out of the bar only to run into Simone.
"Kendall?" Simone sees the glazed over look in her new friend's eyes.
"S-simone how are ya?" Kendall tries to pull herself together.
"Ohhhh by the smell of your breath better than you come on let's get you up to your room." Simone takes Kendall's arm and they walk to the elevator together.
"I'm fine you know what though I may just be little tipsy." Kendall confides with a sad grin.
"Yeah, hon just a little." Simone looks at her new friend, "I want you to know that you can talk to me if you need to, Kendall." Simone keeps a hold on Kendall's arm.
"Yeah, sure everyone says that, but " Kendall shakes her head.
"I'm not just saying that. I want to be your friend " Simone looks directly at Kendall to make sure she is still paying attention.
"Okay. Can we just get me to my room now before I fall down here in the hall?" Kendall squeaks out.
"Yes, come on. You have to walk it with me."
Slowly, they make their way down the hall to Kendall's room where she hands the key to Simone without even attempting to try it herself. Simone opens the door and escorts Kendall through it. She watches as Kendall falls into a seated position on the small couch in front of the bed. She catches the tears falling down her face. She lays the key on the desk and moves to sit next to Kendall. She touches her shoulder lightly trying to offer some comfort.
"What's happened to cause this Kendall? Are you having problems dealing with Ryan being gone?" Simone asks sincerely.
Kendall laughs sort of maniacally through her tears, "Ryan isn't an issue anymore."
"Oh. I thought "
"Yeah I know. I wanted everyone to think it was still him and not who it really is " Kendall stops short of outing herself.
"I'm sorry you feel you have to hide this person . does he know how you feel?" Simone asks.
"Um I can't really talk about it " Kendall sighs in a shaky breath.
"Kendall, if it upsets you enough to have to go on drunk then you need to talk to someone and I won't talk to anyone about what you tell me I promise you." Simone states calmly.
"I I have turned into my sister she would laugh her ass off." Kendall smirks.
"Your sister Bianca? What do you mean you have turned into Bianca?" Simone asks confused. `What would be so wrong with that? Bianca's a nice person oh wait ' her mind reels.
Kendall looks at her incredulously, "You wouldn't understand."
"You mean it isn't a him it's a her that has you this upset?" Simone ventures.
"Um uh " Kendall squirms.
"It's okay, Kendall I don't care." Simone soothes.
"Uh yeah a woman.." she sighs.
"She doesn't feel the same way?"
"I don't know what she .I don't know "
"Kendall, have you talked to her about this about your feelings?"
"Not talked about them no, but I'm sure she knows now anyway." Kendall chuckles lost in her thoughts.
"I don't understand did something happen?"
"You could I oh what did we do?" Kendall breaks off into sobs.
"Kendall, I you need to calm down and sleep. If you want to talk to me about this in the morning I'll see you at the office, but right now let's get you ready for bed and pour you into it." Simone pulls Kendall into a standing position as she wipes her eyes.
Simone realizing that Kendall can't stop the tears moves her over to her bed and sits her on the edge of it. She then sits back down with her and wraps her arms around the crying woman. Kendall stiffens for a moment, but then relaxes accepting the comfort she is being offered. They stay this way until Simone realizes the taller woman has fallen asleep. She shifts Kendall into a laying position and removes her shoes and other outer clothing leaving Kendall lying in only her bra and panties. Simone pulls the covers up and over the sleeping woman feeling somehow that she needs the person she is talking about to be here and not her.
"We'll talk in the morning, Kendall," Simone moves to head out the door.
"I'm sorry I'm sorry I love you, Greenlee " Kendall moans out in her sleep causing Simone's eyes to widen.
`She loves Greenlee?' Simone turns in shock to look at the sleeping woman who is now hugging her pillow tightly to her, `I think we definitely need to talk tomorrow.'
Simone locks the door on her way out of the room with one last look at the emotional woman sleeping a fitful sleep.
Liza moves quietly around the big office space waiting for Greenlee to come out of the restroom. She didn't say anything about what had happened and Liza hadn't pushed yet. She knows it had something to do with Kendall, but what. Those two are always fighting, but it never got this nasty before. She takes in the broken and scattered items from the long table in front of the mirror. She picks up some of the more important papers replacing them on the table. She moves around straightening up chairs to the round table when she notices something strange about the table itself. She leans over taking a closer look and realizes exactly what it is. It is the imprint of a small body smeared in the dust on the table and handprints along either side of it. Her mind works this knowledge with the still lingering scent of sweat in the air. She hears Greenlee enter the room and looks up at her catching the guilty look on her face.
"Liza ." Greenlee begins, but has nothing to say.
"You don't have to say anything if you don't want to Greenlee, but I'll listen if you do." Liza offers moving back from the table and sitting down again. She doesn't want to scare Greenlee.
"What do you mean?" Greenlee tries to play it off.
"I said you didn't have to say anything, but don't play ignorant with me either." Liza warns.
Greenlee sighs as she takes a seat across from Liza, "I right."
"I think I understand sort of what might have upset both of you now. First, just let me say two things. One, I won't tell a living soul what I know. Two, very risky very, very risky."
"I um I know. It well just happened " Greenlee blushes.
"Okay we both know what we are talking about here right?" Liza quips.
If you are talking about me taking advantage of Kendall in a horrible way then yes we are talking about the same thing." Greenlee's voice cracks for the hundredth time that day.
"Okay, I don't know anything about that, but I would say we are on the same page given the imprints in the dust on the table " Liza breaks off seeing Greenlee drop her head into her hands, "Do you want to tell me what happened to get us here?"
Greenlee mumbles something unintelligible, but then looks up at the ceiling and begins to tell what happened. She starts by telling Liza she called the woman she gave her the number for and how Kendall had not wanted to intrude so she heard Greenlee's confession of anger at Leo. Liza nods her understanding on the scenario and on the anger as well. She looks at Greenlee silently telling her to continue. So, Greenlee grabs hold of her courage and tells Liza everything leaving her name out of it, of course. She then tells the very beginning of her and Kendall's fling.
"So, then you see how we put the body imprint into the dust on the table and I am assuming and please say yes that you don't want any of those details." Greenlee looks back at the floor.
Liza feels embarrassed for both of the women and herself a little for having to hear about it, "I no, I don't think I need the details. Basically, the table saw some action is that where this went sufficed to say?"
"Yeah that is more than fair to say." Greenlee mutters.
"Okay, I see the embarrassment factor here, but you were both willing partners it sounds like so what caused the tears were you feeling guilty about Leo?"
"Guilty yes, not Leo I felt so guilty for using her like I did. I mean you don't know what I did."
"She didn't have to agree, but she did. Where is that your responsibility?" Liza asks confused.
"No, I used her Liza. I I took a woman who was offering me comfort a partner and oh Liza I made it seem like it meant nothing and told her it could never happen again. You should have seen the look of pain on her face when she heard what I said I think she actually has feelings for me, Liza and I crushed her " Greenlee takes in a deep shuttering breath.
"Oh my I damn. Greenlee, I don't know what to say. Do you have feelings for her? Are you sure she has feelings of more than a sexual nature towards you?" Liza sort of tosses out quickly.
"I I think her feelings are more than just a sexual nature you saw her crying yourself. I don't know where they came from or how I .but they are there. As for myself, I I don't know, Liza. I never let myself feel those things anymore it would hurt too much."
"Greenlee, I think you are not looking into yourself and being truthful. I also came in here and caught you crying your eyes out at the idea of having hurt her so deeply. I think you need to think about what you want to do about this. You two have to work together .my god I knew this was just the beginning. Greenlee, I am telling you sometimes the heart makes no sense and sometimes it is a pain in the ass, but most of the time you have no choice but to give into what it wants. You have to look into your heart and figure out what that is and soon not just for the two of you, but for this company." Liza just comes out with the hard truth.
"I don't think I can I can't hurt like that again " Greenlee shakes.
"Greenlee, you are hurting now aren't you?" Liza stands up walking over to Greenlee, "I am going home sweets. I think you need to figure this out, but if you need me you know where to find me. It's late go home and sleep on it." She squeezes the younger woman's shoulder as she walks toward the elevator.
"Thank you, Liza." Greenlee stands and picks up the rest of her mess.
It isn't very long and Greenlee is in a cab heading for her apartment with too much on her mind. She doesn't have anything on her agenda tomorrow, but she couldn't come into the office not with Kendall. She cleaned the table of the evidence of their tryst, but not without remembering every touch, taste and sound of it. She parks her car, goes to her apartment and without so much as turning on a light undresses for bed. Quietly, she slips under the covers and lays there awake.
`I'm sorry I hurt you, Kendall. It oh hell, I don't know if it should have happened or not. It felt right when we were together. I've turned us into Maggie and Bianca only we did something about it Fuck!' she tosses around, `Do I have feelings for you? Obviously, I have an attraction to you, but I just don't know..' Greenlee falls asleep mid-thought.
Greenlee wakes up in her bed shaking and sweating trying to clear her head of the nightmare she just had. She rubs her face in an attempt to bring reality more into focus. She had been hoping to sleep in, but her mind had other ideas apparently as she looks to the digital clock.
"Shit! 8 am no rest for the wicked oh hell, who are we kidding? No rest for the down right evil bitch that I am. What a thing to wake up to " Greenlee slides out of bed neglecting her robe and stumbles her way to her kitchen.
As she fills the coffe pot, she can see the scene from her nightmare play out right in front of her. She grabs the counter for support as it washes over her.
<<< "Kendall, I'm sorry that I used you I didn't mean to I mean..I " she stutters.
"You didn't mean to yeah that sounds right I cared about you I tried to be there for you and you whipping me emotionally is what I got in return. You all think I am not capable of love not worth loving well, maybe you're right " Kendall turns to walk away from Greenlee taking the elevator down to the exit.
Greenlee stands there mere seconds before she flies out behind Kendall taking the stairs as fast as she can trying to beat the elevator down. She sees the elevator empty as she hits the first floor. She runs out the front door and yells at Kendall to stop.
"Why should I?! Do you need another quick toss in the sack .oh on the table to feel alive again .can I give you that before I go?!" Kendall screams as tears pour down her face.
"No! Please let me explain I don't know what to do?!" Greenlee pleads.
"You knew what you were doing! Kendall will jump me and then go on about her business that's what she does .well, not anymore damn it!" Kendall steps off the curb and never hears the horn that blows at her.
"Kendall! NO!" >>>
Greenlee snaps her eyes wide open as she hears the coffee pot signal its finished brewing. She tries to release her grip on the counter, but her hands are squeezing it so tight she has to wait for them to obey. She shakily pours herself a cup of coffee and slumps into a chair at the breakfast bar.
"I I can't lose her, too. I don't know exactly what that means, but I can't lose her, too." Greenlee tells herself quietly, "I need to get out of here and think." She drinks her coffee as she heads back to her bedroom and dresses casually for a day out.
In half an hour she has whisked herself into being presentable and exits her apartment. She looks into it as she readies to close the door. Her mind plays over images of her and Leo together in different times in the apartment making her smile sadly.
"Leo, I could use you now more than ever, but if you were here I guess I wouldn't be in this mess would I? I love you, but now what do I do?" she closes the door.
Kendall rolls over smacking the damn annoying beeping alarm and instantly grabs her head. She tries to sit up, but a wave of nausea overcomes her. She lies there moaning in her anguish as she realizes she is undressed. She tries to ignore the pain in her head long enough to remember how she got in this state of undress. Slowly, painfully the evening's events play out in her mind.
"Simone thank God for Simone " she mutters instantly regretting the noise she created.
She gently climbs from bed and realizes she can't walk so she crawls to her bathroom ignoring the nausea still trying to force her to quit moving. Once in the bathroom, she immediately hangs her head over the toilet and proceeds to present offerings to the porcelain god. After she is sure there isn't possibly anything more that can come out of her stomach she again tries to stand. She manages to do so, but very shakily. She turns on the shower and peels off her undergarments. She steps into the shower and has never before been so happy that hotels have to put in handicap bars. She holds onto the bar as the hot water pulses down on her. She goes through her routine from hair to feet and then just stands in the spray until she feels it begin to cool. She turns the water off and exits the shower toweling herself dry. All this time, she has forced herself to simply think about doing what it will take to get her ready to leave this room. She returns to the larger room and stands in front of the mirror as she dresses. In a flash, she sees nail marks on her hips and lower back when she turns. This elicits a groan as she remembers how they managed to get there. She feels the tear snake its way down her cheek.
"Stop it!" she chides herself, "You are not this weak! So what if you can't have her so fucking what!" she yells at the mirror, `I love her that so what.' Her mind answers.
She turns from the mirror to finish dressing so that she can get to the office. She needs to check the invoices as Greenlee asked her to and then she is out of there for the rest of the day. She pulls on her dress, zipping it in the back and sliding the shoulder straps up. Quickly, she applies her makeup and works a pick through her hair as it dries. After grabbing her coat, she strides painfully out the door her head still screaming at her.
"I'll get some aspirin on the way and if you quit throbbing maybe I'll even take a nap later to let you rest now let's get going." She tries to bargain with her own pain.
A car ride, a cappuccino, and eight aspirin later Kendall is parked outside of Fusion's building. She musters her courage and walks into the still practically empty building. She takes the elevator up to the main office area and is thankful to find it still empty. She lets out a breath she hadn't been aware she was holding and walks up to the now infamous table. She sits in a chair just staring at it. As she realizes there is an imprint on the table, the elevator opens and Simone walks up to her.
"Morning, Kendall .are you okay this morning? Do you remember last night?" Simone asks quietly.
"Yes, first let me say I'm sorry you had to see me that way and that I ruined your evening. Second, thank you for being so caring." Kendall blushes as she wonders where there might be dusting stuff.
"First, you didn't ruin my evening. I didn't have any plans. Second, I meant it when I said I wanted to be your friend and to prove that I am going to tell you something you probably don't remember." Simone closes her eyes.
"Oh God, did I do something I mean if I did I'm " Kendall panics.
"No what no, Kendall nothing like that. After you passed out, you murmured whom you love in your sleep. You said you were sorry you loved um Greenlee " Simone finishes.
"I oh God you oh " Kendall lays her head on the table, but quickly lifts it back up guiltily.
"Kendall, sssshhh its okay. I am not judging you or anything I won't tell anyone I promise. I was just telling you so that you would know that I know. That's all." Simone walks over to stand behind where Kendall is sitting to put her hand on her shoulder.
"Thank you thank you, Simone." Kendall just looks at the table.
"Umm could I ask you something?" Simone blushes.
"Why not?" Kendall shrugs. `What else could happen?'
"Is that I mean did you um " Simone points at the table of evidence so to speak.
"Oh shit uh I'll buy a new table I fuck!" Kendall puts her head in her hands.
"No I just I wish I hadn't have asked now " Simone blushes harder.
"That makes two of us.." Kendall mutters, "I'll go look and see if there is any dusting stuff in the janitor's closet until I can get rid of the table."
"All right, and I'll get those invoices we need to go down and check. I assume that is why you were here this morning so early?" Simone questions.
"Yeah, she asked me yeah that's why I'm here." Kendall stops before she starts to cry.
"Kendall, we are going to go over these invoices and then we are going to get out of here so that you and I can talk. I can see the pain you are in and I want to help okay?"
"I yeah that great " Kendall smiles awkwardly as she turns to get the cleaning supplies.
Simone tries to not to watch as Kendall dusts the table that she and Greenlee apparently did the deed on. She can see how upset just cleaning the table is making Kendall by the slump of her shoulders. They simply look at each other as Kendall places the dusting stuff on the table. Simone smiles slightly walking toward Kendall and taking her hand.
"Come on. Let's get through these and get us some lunch. I really think you need to talk to someone and well, unfortunately for you that appears to be me." Simone tries to be light.
"I I think you'll do fine thank you." Kendall squeezes Simone's hand before dropping it and following Simone back to the elevator.
Greenlee walks through the park aimlessly. She had thought of going to the boathouse, but somehow it seemed wrong. It didn't feel right to go to her and Leo's place. This really wasn't about Leo as much as it was about her own feelings. She sits down on a bench pulling her jacket closed even though it is unseasonably warm today.
`I guess there just aren't a lot of places to go to think about the fact that you just had lesbian sex with a woman who offered you comfort no one else had and that used her to feel something only to realize you really do feel something.' Greenlee smirks at the weird thought.
She drops her head into her hands and leans over actually sitting in a very unlady-like position for her. She doesn't hear anyone approaching her. No one had been walking through the park earlier being a workday most everyone but teenagers were avoiding it. So, it shocked Greenlee to hear a voice softly say her name.
"Huh?" Greenlee looks up to see the young woman calling her name.
"Greenlee, are you alright?" Bianca asks again cautiously.
"Oh, this is perfect." Greenlee blurts out.
"I I'm sorry if I bothered you. I just saw you well, I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I'm sorry." Bianca mutters a quick apology as her face pinches in a hurt look.
"Bianca, you are way too sweet for your own good. You do know that right?" Greenlee offers quietly.
"I I'm just me." Bianca stops moving away.
"I know and that is the part I simply cannot understand," Greenlee looks at Bianca in almost a friendly manner, "You have all these well you're life never gives you a break, at least not one that I can see. Hell, even I am evil to you. I'm sorry if I am bringing up old hurts, but I just don't see how you can keep doing it."
Bianca looks at Greenlee questioningly, "Do what?" she takes the initiative and sits down next to Greenlee.
"Be so fucking sweet and nice and compassionate and l-loving " Greenlee breaks off trying to compose her falling façade.
"Oh um I'm not always sure how I do it either." Bianca admits, "I sometimes, believe it or not just want to scream and rant and hurt anything that I can, but I know deep down I just can't. I know what I feel like when people hurt me and I just can't do that to others not on purpose anyway. I know everyone sees this goody two shoes in me, but I have my own battles too." Bianca gets a far away look in her eyes.
"I suppose you would I know I haven't ever been easy on you, but oh hell, Bianca I don't hate you. I never hated you. I was just so jealous that Leo had to have you in his life. I you're just an easy target and now " Greenlee trails off.
"Now?" Bianca doesn't want to let this moment go. It sounds as if Greenlee needs it.
"Oh I I feel like you I suppose." Greenlee offers. `If I can't beat her no I just Leo trusted her and who else do I have?'
"Feel like me? How do you think I feel, Greenlee?"
"Oh, I have a feeling you feel pushed around, cheated, and most of all a deep longing for something you think you can't or shouldn't have " Greenlee looks at Bianca.
"I uh that's pretty observant for someone who supposedly thinks that I am not worth paying attention to." Bianca blushes at her strange companion's accuracy.
"I always pay attention to whatever Leo paid attention too. I always have. Can I no, I'm going to tell you that if you want something you should go for it."
"I that's impossible."
"It doesn't have to be. Maggie loves you if you just make her tell you that. I mean anyone with eyes .I guess that's not true. Sometimes, something can be right under your nose and you miss it. She does love you, Bianca. You need to tell her how you feel give her a chance to tell you, too." Greenlee tentatively reaches out to touch Bianca's hand.
"I yeah I did that and it got me `I'm into guys'. It is just so hard." Bianca just admits, "Greenlee, before this moment passes and we are back to lesBianca and Greens could I ask you a question?"
"I'm sorry, but I think she's lying to you and herself but, yeah go ahead." Greenlee blushes at her own shame.
"What is right under your nose that you missed it?"
"I intuitive little shit aren't you?" Greenlee feels her eyes water, "I let's just say that I won't ever call you lesBianca again " Greenlee looks away quickly.
"I don't under oh, no you are kidding me right? This is some sick joke you just want to hurt me "
"No!" Greenlee grabs Bianca's hand holding her to the seat, "I swear it isn't a joke I wish it were a joke. Oh how I wish it were a sick fucking j-joke " Greenlee breaks into tears.
"But Leo and all those hateful things you say and oh my God, Greenlee " Bianca quickly sees the pain Greenlee is really in and wraps her arms around her shaking form, "I'm sorry. It's just hard to believe that you Greenlee Dupree, who loved Leo, has well, feelings for a woman I'm sorry."
"Its f-fine I should have Bianca; I don't know what to do? I never thought I mean and she I hurt her and I didn't mean to I was just scared and aching and she made the ache go away for those moments when she held me it was wonderful until I killed it violated her offered comfort." Greenlee sobs out.
"Does she feel something for you then?" Bianca pushes.
"I think that is the problem. I think she did and I didn't really see it and I used what I did see to make me feel better and then I realized too late that I felt something more, too .I didn't mean to hurt her and now .now I've destroyed it all whatever friendship we had our partnership and anything else "
"Your partnership I thought it was with .Kendall?" she says the name as if in question and shock.
"I oh God, please you can't tell anyone we I please " Greenlee breaks out of Bianca's arms and looks like a wild animal caught in a trap.
"Ssssshhh Greenlee, I promise I won't say anything, but Kendall?! Wow! I never would have thought either of you, but .Anyway, you have feelings for her?" Bianca asks sincerely.
"I yes, I think .I think I love her " Greenlee blushes.
"Don't be ashamed of that love is wonderful and if she has these feelings too "
"No, you don't understand I mean I can't talk about this here." Greenlee looks around.
"I'm supposed to meet Maggie soon I could meet you for dinner if if you want to t-talk more " Bianca offers.
"I you would do that?" Greenlee watches as Bianca nods, "I would really yes, please."
"Okay, dinner tonight at?"
"Um my place." Greenlee supplies.
"Great I'll see you at seven?" Bianca offers.
"Fine. Thank you. I need to go and fix my face." Greenlee begs off as she stands, "Bianca, I mean it .love is something you can't miss out on."
"I know, but somehow it keeps missing me." Bianca smiles sadly.
Bianca and Greenlee don't see Maggie standing off behind the park fencing listening to their conversation without meaning to. She was simply waiting for Bianca and Greenlee to finish without intruding. It was nice to see them having a moment until she heard their conversation. Shock and guilt then came into play as she heard Bianca admit how much she was hurting without really saying a word. She watches as Greenlee leaves the park and come up behind Bianca.
"I'm sorry, Bean " she hugs her friend from behind.
"Maggie, you're not late. I was early." She tries to calm her beating heart at the smaller woman's affection.
"No, I think I am truly very late and I'm sorry." She continues as she lets Bianca turn around to face her. She takes Bianca's hands in hers, "I heard you guys talking wow Kendall and Greenlee and no I won't say anything .I oh God, Bianca, Greenlee sounded so scared and she missed a person who could offer her so much by being that scared and then hurt so badly it sounds like and ."
"Maggie, are you okay?" Bianca watches the emotion play over Maggie's face.
"No, no, I'm not I thought I would be. I thought it would be so simple, but it isn't. I am tired of being afraid. I meant all those things I said to you the other day in the boathouse. I just want to know if you really think that love avoids you." Maggie looks at Bianca as she flushes and drops her head.
"I didn't say it avoids me " she whispers, "I said it seems to miss me is all "
"Not anymore ." Maggie tilts Bianca's face back up, "I'm sorry, Bean I do love you like no other I do want to spend all my time with you. I want to watch movies and cuddle on the couch I want to see you everyday for the rest of my life I just didn't want to think about what it meant .I was so afraid to let it be true and I could have lost you `cause I hurt you with a lie I love you, Bianca and I don't care if you are a guy or not " Maggie leans up and kisses Bianca soundly on the lips. They stay that way until Bianca moves away.
"I what you I please don't not if you don't mean it " Bianca feels a tear run down her cheek.
"I mean it I mean it like I have never meant anything in my life, Bean please don't make me suffer because I was an idiot please still love me still want me please " Maggie pleads.
Bianca doesn't answer she simply wraps Maggie in her arms and kisses her again. They kiss lovingly as they hold one another. Maggie cries into Bianca's shoulder lightly happy she was not too late.
"We have a lot to talk about, Maggie, but I'll always love you of course I still want you we'll talk. Are you ready to get in out of the cold?"
"With you? Always,"
Greenlee standing a ways off watches the scene. She can't make out the words, but it looks like maybe Maggie was intelligent after all. Greenlee smiles. Love is the most important thing no matter whom you find it with. It will be nice to have dinner with Bianca tonight and hear about someone's hopeful happiness. She turns heading back to her own apartment very little settled for her still.
Kendall follows Simone on a lovely if cold Friday afternoon. They easily checked all the invoices and decided that an impromptu shopping spree, albeit a small one, was definitely in order before delving into Kendall's emotional trauma so soon. They walk silently toward Simone's room at Myrtle's. Kendall didn't want to go back to her own room, which was still a drunken mess. Simone offered to get take out and her room to talk in. All day even during the shopping, Kendall had been wound tight. Simone knows she shouldn't expect anything else, but she really was hoping to get Kendall to relax just a little. Kendall seats herself on the end of Simone's bed after taking off her coat. Simone sets the take out down, removes her coat and hands Kendall her food. For a few moments, Kendall plays with the Chinese food before she sets it aside. Simone takes one last bite of hers and then puts her aside as well.
"Kendall, you are skin and bones as it is. Yes, muscular skin and bones, but still you have to eat." Simone scolds.
"I I really am just not hungry. My stomach is all tied up in knots. I'm sorry, Simone." Kendall tries to apologize.
"Kendall, don't. I do understand. It's hard to eat when you are upset. I know that. I just don't want you to get sick." Simone sympathizes.
"Thank you for caring .at least someone does." Kendall smirks.
"Do you I mean can you tell me what happened? Was it just ." Simone feels the blush color her cheeks, "well, sex or do you think she could have feelings for you, too?"
"I don't think she has feelings for me except what she showed yesterday." Kendall drops her head into her hands, "I love her .and she SHIT! She just doesn't love me. How could I expect her to? I mean no one else has. I just need to suck it up and keep going. I know that is what she is going to be doing."
"Kendall, that doesn't sound like Greenlee, but then none of this sounds like either of you from what I know of you both. I am still sort of in shock here about it, but if you love her you should tell her so that at least she has all the information." Simone offers.
"I can't do that." Kendall raises her eyes to look at Simone.
"I can't tell someone who just lost the love of her life that I want to take his place so to speak I mean I wouldn't you know " Kendall sees Simone nod her understanding, "I actually liked Leo. I can't tell her and truly ruin what might be left of our working relationship."
"Okay, now quit making excuses and tell me the real reason you can't tell her."
"I .damn it Simone .I can't let her hurt me like she did again. She made it out to be cheap and meaningless .maybe that's all it was to her. It wasn't all it was to me and I can't put myself in a position for her or anyone else to leave me again." Kendall feels the tears coming, "I don't want to cry anymore."
"Sssshhh Kendall the tears are the body's way of healing itself. I'll never tell just let it out." Simone moves over by Kendall to offer her a shoulder as she hugs her partner close.
Bianca knocks on the door to Greenlee's apartment. She holds her breath as she hears the footsteps coming toward her. She doesn't know if it is from the excitement of wanting to tell Greenlee about her and Maggie, the fear of Leo's memory in the apartment, or the anxiousness she feels from Greenlee about her new attraction.
"Hell, it's all of it." She says out loud to the door before it opens.
"Bianca thanks for coming." Greenlee stands in the open doorway in jeans and a t-shirt.
"I'm glad you invited me. I have really good news if you can stand to hear some?" Bianca sheds her coat and sits on the couch.
"I would love some, Bianca. I could really use it." Greenlee moves to kitchen finishing up putting the food on the table.
"Maggie heard us talking in the park and she .well " Bianca blushes as her voice fails her.
"I saw Bianca. You two were so cute at the park kissing in a sort of sappy, disgusting way." Greenlee smirks jokingly.
"You saw so I don't have to go into all the gushy details for you?" Bianca smiles back.
"I kind of hoped you wouldn't, but if you must I would listen." Greenlee motions her toward the table.
Bianca moves to sit beside Greenlee at the table, "You would listen wouldn't you?"
"Bianca, I know Leo used to be your outlet and I'm not him. Lord knows I am not him, but I would listen if you really needed me to especially after today in the park and you coming over here tonight. I always knew deep down that everything that Leo said about you was true and you have more than proven it by coming here tonight when you could be with Maggie." Greenlee blushes.
"I uh thank you, Greenlee." Bianca blinks her eyes to stop any tears.
"Yeah, well let's eat."
Dinner was take-out, gourmet take out, but take out nonetheless. If you knew Greenlee Dupree, you knew she didn't cook. They eat in relative silence except for some small talk about Maggie and even some about Leo. Bianca helps Greenlee to clear the mess and they retire back to the couch with coffee. Bianca waits as Greenlee seems intent to study the pattern on the couch cushions instead of talking. Finally, Greenlee looks up at Bianca with a deep sadness in her eyes.
"Please Greenlee; tell me what is going on. I want to help." Bianca sets her coffee down.
"I don't think anyone can help not even the great Bianca." Greenlee lets her head hang.
"You just don't know what I can do," Bianca smiles.
"Okay, oh great one .let me tell you what I did then." Greenlee looks away, "I used Kendall in a horrible way. I oh Leo would be so ashamed and you she's your sister no matter what else " Greenlee trembles a little, "I had just talked to a therapist about losing Leo on the suggestion of a friend and Kendall came in on the tail end of it, but I didn't know that. She heard me say that I was mad at Leo for how he died. She heard more than she should have, but all she did was take it as I screamed at her, yelled and vented at her about no one really offering me comfort. The next thing I know she has me wrapped up in her arms and is offering me such comfort. I I f-felt safe, warm, cared about .for the first time in months " Greenlee pauses taking a deep, shaky breath.
"I think I understand Greenlee and Leo could never be ashamed of you " Bianca tries to sympathize.
"NO he would you haven't heard it all and I am loathe to tell you, but you have to hear it all. She held me and when I looked up I saw this look in her eyes and I just knew there was something between us at least I felt something. I saw this look of heavy thought as her forehead creased deeply and I just didn't want to see it there and I knew I could make it go away. I knew she could make me not feel angry that she could make me feel alive. I needed that and I knew she could give it to me. What I didn't know was if she would. I played her for what I needed wanted and she gave it to me. She gave me everything she had and as we .had no, made love, I could see the raw emotion in her eyes and I knew I had manipulated someone who cares deeply for me without any real thought to her feelings .I used her and she let me, because she I think she loves me." Greenlee feels the tracks of the tears flowing down her face.
Bianca sits slightly stunned, but knowing Greenlee needs her, "Oh, Greenlee you didn't know " She moves to hold Greenlee, but Greenlee stands up abruptly.
"Don't comfort me I knew enough to know I was using her regardless of if I knew she had feelings for me other than an outlet like it was for me!" Greenlee accuses herself.
"You didn't even know you had feelings for her until you . consummated them did you? How could you think you would know she had feelings for you? As for using her, well, maybe you did, but she let you. She is an adult and if she wanted to give of herself to you that was her choice you just presented that choice to her." Bianca counters suddenly realizing she feels sorry for Kendall.
"Maybe, but I still offered it. I I then took it away I didn't know what to do with it us after .I freaked out .she tried to hold on after, but I couldn't let her I couldn't let myself so I turned it into nothing more than sex when it was so much more " Greenlee breaks down collapsing to the floor crying out, "I pushed her away as if she had simply performed a service."
"Oh, Greenlee " Bianca rushes over to her and scoops her into her lap stroking the distraught woman to her, "What do you want to do now?"
"I I want to take back what happened after .I w-want to f-feel her hold me I want her to make me feel alive .all the t-time " Greenlee sobs out.
"Ssshhh .you have to tell her that just tell her that."
"I can't she won't listen to me after what I did to her Leo would even be ashamed of me "
"No, Leo loved you .he would want you to be happy.."
"Yes, and he would hate that I used her like I did ." Greenlee tries to calm herself.
"Okay, you're right, but he would also want you to make it right .he would expect you to try to give her what you both want." Bianca helps Greenlee to sit up.
"Yeah, he would, but I don't know that I am strong enough to face her." Greenlee stands a little shaky reaching a hand down to Bianca to help her off the floor, "He loved you, Bianca he would love that you found Maggie he would love that we all would have been family so to speak and I I think I would too." Greenlee surprises Bianca by grabbing her for hug.
"Me too." Bianca hugs back realizing how close they really are to becoming family, "Hey, if you are brave enough and I know you are .well, we could still sort of be family if you make it work with Kendall but if not in my eyes we are family okay?"
"Yeah, family but if you so much as think I am giving you a break in the business wars get over it." Greenlee chuckles.
"Well, siblings are meant to be competitive just it can't get in the way of this "
"Never .if I you and Kendall will have to " Greenlee removes her embrace.
"I yeah .we'll work on it if.." Bianca smiles nervously.
"I should let you get back to Maggie." Greenlee smiles back.
"Will you be alright here?"
"Yes, I feel a lot better. I am not sure what I am going to do, but I feel better. Thank you."
"Welcome, thank you for, well, for this," she points between the two of them, "I like it and I won't tell you are really a softy."
"I am not!" she says aghast, "I am so not soft, but I have the weekend to think on this and I need it. So, get out." She chuckles.
"Good night, call if you need anything."
"I will. Tell Maggie I said she's lucky and so are you." Greenlee opens the door.
"I know I am, but I'll tell her." She touches Greenlee's hand before leaving.
Greenlee closes the door and returns to the couch. She leans back, sighs loudly, and closes her eyes. She takes a deep breath in and let sit out as she pounds her hands into the couch.
"Okay, Leo. I need you to help me be strong. I have to decide what to do here." She speaks to the apartment, "I hate that you are not here, but you aren't and she is and .Lord, help us I think I love her. I know you wouldn't feel betrayed that you would want me to be happy, but can I do it? I just don't know." She stands and walks exhausted to her bedroom.
Greenlee looks at the digital clock that she has just so rudely smacked off. She reads it as 8:00am in its unforgiving red details. She sighs deeply and crawls out of her bed sluggishly. She heads for the shower on this cloudy, Monday morning with a slight stutter to her step. She strips of her nightie and turns on the shower. As she steps into the shower, she gasps at the cool temperature before it warms.
"Monday morning oh God, it's Monday already." She groans putting her head in her hands against the shower wall, "Kendall, I know you hate me now but I have to try."
She finishes her shower and dresses with trembling hands. She takes one last, long look in the mirror to make sure she looks like a day at the office, but does not look severe like she has the last few months. It is a hard balance for her to strike lately. She is positive it is as good as it is going to become. She grabs her handbag and exits her bedroom. She looks at the kitchen thinking about breakfast, but decides against it.
"I'll just a get a coffee on the way to work. I'm too nervous to eat." She puts her coat one and slides out the door.
Kendall stands outside the Fusion building looking at the entrance. She hasn't seen Greenlee's car yet, but she could have taken a cab. She continues to ponder this as a light snow begins to fall. This decides her dilemma for her.
`I guess I don't want to stand in the cold snow.' She opens the door to the still mostly empty building and trudges through it; `If she is up there we keep it simply business and if I can't do that then I'll just leave.'
She steps into the elevator and fidgets the whole way up. She sighs in relief as the doors open revealing a still dark office. She doesn't bother turning on the lights just yet. As far as she knows, she is the only one coming to the office today. Liza went to the make-up conference in Aspen. Mia was at home trying to make up some lost time with Jake and the wedding planning, and Simone had been entrusted with working with that annoying photographer for the afternoon at her studio. So, if Greenlee stayed home it would just be Kendall.
"I couldn't be more alone." She sighs.
Kendall puts her briefcase on the floor and walks over to the mirror along the wall. She stands staring in it, but not really seeing herself. Over the weekend the scratches form Greenlee's passion faded, but didn't completely go away and in a sad way Kendall wishes that they would stay. She can still feel the smaller woman's touch when she thinks about it. She hates and needs that memory at the same time. In the mirror, she sees the table behind her. She turns from the mirror and looks at the table. She can see their two bodies on it writhing together in a primal rhythm. She can see the lustful look in Greenlee's eyes as they move as one. She can feel Greenlee's nails raking up her back at the moment of climax. She moves to sit in the chair by the scene of the crime. She reaches her hands out to the table as if afraid to touch it. Finally, the hands make contact with the surface of the table and she can feel the passion in the air as she can still see them together. She puts her head down on her hands on the table and feels the tears run from the corners of her eyes.
Greenlee opens the stairwell door having wanted to prolong her ascent up to the office space she avoided the elevator. She quietly walks to the entry of the huge office space realizing the lights are still off she thinks perhaps she is the only one here. She stops cold as she sees Kendall in the shadows with her head down on the table. She stands there staring at her realizing she could just turn around and leave. Kendall would never realize she had been there. As she looks longer, she sees Kendall's shoulders shaking and realizes the taller woman is crying. It doesn't take but a split second for her to drop her briefcase and move over to Kendall. She reaches out and touches her on the shoulder.
Kendall's head pops up, "Wh oh don't!" she sees it is Greenlee. She jumps out of her chair and away wiping her eyes.
"Kendall ." Greenlee reaches out.
"What?!" Kendall snaps, "I thought maybe you wouldn't .I hoped you " Kendall clears her throat pulling herself together, "What is on the agenda for Fusion today?"
"I uh I haven't looked at the schedule," Greenlee blushes, "I didn't come here for business today."
"Oh, then what did you come here for?" Kendall turns to walk back to the mirror to check her eye make-up, "This is a business office here isn't it. That is the service we provide correct?" she says coldly, "I'm sorry, but any other services should be looked for elsewhere."
"I yes, a business office, but I came to talk to you." Greenlee says quietly.
"Here I am talk!" Kendall spits out.
"I please Kendall please " Greenlee pleads.
"Hmmm I think I heard that or something like it maybe two or three days ago "
"Oh God ." Greenlee sits down hard in a folding chair.
Kendall sees Greenlee almost collapse and it takes everything she has not to run to the smaller woman and comfort her. She steels herself though and stays looking in the mirror. She doesn't say anything to Greenlee's last gasp.
"Kendall, I didn't I didn't mean to " she breathes out.
Kendall snaps, "You didn't mean to?!" she turns to look at Greenlee a fire lit in her eyes, "And that is supposed to make me feel better?! You didn't mean to?! Why don't just say what you did then again?! Why don't you just tell me the truth?! Greenlee, you and I both know what that is don't we?!" she screams.
"I Kendall that's not what I " Greenlee tries to get out.
"Oh, you don't want to tell me the truth?! Everyone else has at least been honest can't you do that too?! I know I'm not worthy of loving! I know everyone thinks I'm just a jump in the sack and go girl! You wanted to feel something and well I did that! It's what I'm good for! I finally learned my place and you helped me see it THANK YOU!"
"No!" Greenlee flashes back to her nightmare, "Kendall, don't think that .it's my fault not yours .please don't think those things about yourself!"
"Think them? I know them. I am not worth someone choosing to stick around for. You know what I'm worth?!" Kendall walks over to the table; "I'm worth exactly how long it takes to fuck you on this table. This table right here!" She smashes her hands down on it cracking it and Greenlee sees blood from Kendall's knuckles, "I am worth a good fuck and it was good at least right?! I wouldn't want to think I am over estimating my value here .I at least hope it was a good FUCK!" Kendall smashes her fists into it again.
"Stop it!" Greenlee moves in front of Kendall and the table, "Please it wasn't that. It was so much more than that!"
Kendall looks at Greenlee, but can't stop her rage. She pushes Greenlee onto the table towering over her. She looks at the almost frightened eyes of the smaller woman and doesn't want to accept the hurt she sees in her eyes.
"We could go again if I need to perform my services better! Is that what you want?! I mean I wouldn't want you to think that I don't try my best to please!" Kendall stands looking at her until she feels her own legs try to give out, "I can always screw it's what I'm good at .I try to be whatever people want I get nothing in return I tried to be there for you I was there for you " Kendall backs away from the table, "I tried to .I cared for you and you whipped me for it in return I know no one thinks I am capable of love, worthy of it .well, maybe you're all right " she runs toward the elevator. Greenlee watches as she runs into the elevator, "Kendall! NO!" she hops from the table and runs back to the stairs. She can only see her nightmare playing out in front of her. She will never doubt those damn premonitions again. She removes her heels as she dashes down the staircase, "I can't let her go!"
She runs into the main doorway of the building and as in her nightmare she sees the elevator already empty and Kendall out on the street. She runs through the door and into the snow and cold with no coat and no shoes.
"Kendall! STOP!" Greenlee hollers.
"What?!" Kendall turns to her, "Haven't you had enough yet?! What more can I give you?!"
"No .what can I give you?!" Greenlee screams back. She tries to move closer to Kendall, but Kendall steps away.
"Nothing .it's not I'm not worth it " Kendall moves off the curb into the street and Greenlee sees the truck coming.
With as much speed and courage as she can pull together, Greenlee Dupree covers the distance between her and Kendall. She reaches out and grabs Kendall's arm closest to her. She tries to pull on Kendall, but she isn't strong enough. She hears the horn as the truck gets unbearably closer.
"Please God, not her, too help me " Greenlee cries out as she tugs with all her might pulling Kendall out of the street.
The two women topple over into the snow in a heap. The truck drives by, the driver giving them the finger but neither woman sees it. Kendall lands on top of Greenlee practically crushing her. Greenlee hits the cold cement pretty hard, but manages not to smack her head. She feels the cold and wet of the sidewalk, but it is nothing compared to the warm weight of the woman on top of her telling her they are both safe.
"My God, Greenlee ." Kendall moves carefully to get up, "What the hell? You could have been killed! What were you thinking?!" Kendall looks down at the small mess of a woman seeing that there are several scratches and abrasions on the other woman, "Are you alright?!"
"Y-yeah f-fine are y-you " Greenlee sits up a little shivering so hard her teeth are chattering.
"I yeah come on we need to get you inside and warm. You're soaked " Kendall reaches down trying to help the other woman up. Slowly, they get Greenlee to her feet and Kendall helps her into the building, "We should get you to the hospital."
"N-no come here" Greenlee starts searching Kendall's body all over for any injuries. She becomes frantic over it. Kendall finally catches her hands and looks into the shorter woman's face.
"Greenlee, STOP. I'm fine I don't have a scratch on me, but you have them everywhere. Let's at least see if there is a first aid kit upstairs." Kendall moves Greenlee into the elevator.
Greenlee just stares at Kendall as if she can't believe that the other woman is safe. She keeps seeing her losing Kendall like in her nightmare. She follows Kendall from the elevator and sits when Kendall pushes her down into the chair. Kendall starts to move away from Greenlee.
"NO! Please don't leave me!" she screams reaching out to Kendall. Kendall just stares at her in shock.
"Greenlee, what's the matter with you?!"
"I I thought I .Kendall," Greenlee tries to get her shivering under control. Kendall finds her coat and drapes it over her, "I I was so stupid. I didn't know .not really. I didn't mean to hurt you ." Greenlee feels the tears start down her face. She can't look up at Kendall, "I used you .it wasn't supposed to happen "
"I understand that, Greenlee," Kendall chokes out.
"NO!" Greenlee screeches, "You don't. I wasn't trying to hurt you I saw an attraction and I thought .what could it hurt, but it did .It hurt me, too .I outside I thought I was going to lose you, too .I can't lose another .I can't lose you not now .I Oh God help us .I love you, Kendall I love you " Greenlee breaks off sobbing.
Kendall stares in shock at Greenlee, "I you did say it you said `Please God..not her too.' You really said that .You "
"I love you," Greenlee mumbles, "I loved being with you .it was wonderful, but not a f-f-f .it was never that it was love I just didn't know it .please "
Kendall falls to her knees in front of Greenlee scooping the shorter woman into her arms and her lap. She cradles the sobbing woman to her rocking back and forth. She strokes her arms in an attempt to warm her as well as make sure she is real.
"I I've loved you awhile now .I just couldn't tell you and you offered me a moment and I took it .I thought I thought I would never have another chance to hold you to show you .and I almost didn't." Kendall squeezes Greenlee to her, "I love you, Greenlee Dupree. I love you so much."
They sit there for a little while just holding each other as Kendall croons to Greenlee and tells her how much she loves her. Finally, with both of them under a little more control, Greenlee moves away a little from Kendall's embrace.
"Kendall, I didn't know I'm so sorry. Please forgive me I want to be with you." Greenlee blushes.
"I love you. We'll get through this we'll make it work." Kendall caresses Greenlee's cheek, "You saved me, cried for me, love me .we'll make it work." She touches her lips softly to Greenlee's asking permission. They kiss lovingly until Greenlee shivers again.
"I I'm so cold."
"We really should take you to a doctor.." Kendall starts.
"No I'm fine just cold," she tries to get up, but groans, "Okay, cold and sore you're not as light as you look."
"Yeah, on top of you in heap I would imagine not. We should at least get you somewhere warm and where there are dry clothes. Can I go with you?" Kendall blushes.
"I wouldn't have it any other way." Kendall helps Greenlee up and stands beside her.
They get Greenlee's coat around her and without too much argument Kendall's as well. They both pick up there briefcases and meet at the table. Greenlee is a mess and still shivering so Kendall puts an arm around her. They bump into the table on their way out. Kendall looks at Greenlee and blushes.
"I think we have to buy a new table," Greenlee offers shyly.
Kendall squeezes Greenlee to her and kisses her passionately, "Okay, but we are keeping this one as a reminder of our beginning."
Two women, strong women, walk toward the elevator together arm in arm. This company would thrive. It would be successful. It would be the embodiment of what women want. It would be the embodiment of Fusion. How could it not be as it already provided the Fusion of two lonely hearts into one life? The elevator closes on the still dark office space that soon will be alive with successful women and the love of two of those women would see it through.
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