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ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.

What If I Found My Answers
By Berg


Bianca laughed as she gently pushed Miranda on the swing. "Up! Up!" Miranda cheered clapping and laughing.

"If you go anymore up," Bianca giggled at her daughters excitement, "you'll be superman."

Bianca scanned the other parents in the park. Seeing mothers and fathers in various play forms with their kids brought a smile to her face. A mother was standing on top of the slide with her son. The father was waiting to catch him below. The sweet picture brought a soft sad smile to Bianca's face as she glanced back at her daughter. It had been almost a year since their move to Paris. Bianca had moved from a motel suite to a small villa. She was able to get much of her work done from home. She didn't want to leave Miranda with a sitter.

"Dog!" Miranda pointed. Bianca saw the small golden lab pup as he walked.

"He's cute huh?" Bianca laughed. She smiled at the young couple. "She loves dogs." They smiled back and continued walking.

"Hi," she heard Miranda say. Bianca was leaning down to tie her sneakers when she heard the hello come back. She hadn't looked up yet. "She loves to meet people," Bianca laughed looking up from her kneeling position. She froze.

"Hi," Maggie said softly when she saw Bianca notice her.

"Maggie?" Bianca stood slowly.

"Hi," Miranda said again. Maggie didn't want to take her eyes off Bianca…but she couldn't help but look down at the small girl on the swing.

"Hello," Maggie smiled and felt a tear well up. "Gosh you're so big."

"Maggeee," Miranda held her arms up.

"She knows my name?" Maggie smiled looking at Bianca.

"We look at pictures," Bianca answered…still in slight shock.

"Can I hold her?"

"Sure." Maggie reached down and picked the girl up. "Hi Miranda." Maggie held her for a bit and gently put her back in the swing.

"Maggie…" Bianca didn't know what to say or what to do. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you."

"You came to see me?" Bianca asked skeptical.


"Maggie you haven't spoken to me or called me in six months. And now you flew half way around the world to see me?"

"I…I missed you," Maggie said looking down and biting the side of her lip. "I think I have some explaining to do."

"Yes. I think you do."

Empty spaces fill me up with holes
Distant faces with no place left to go
Without you within me I can't find no rest
Where I'm going is anybody's guess

I've tried to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete

Once they got back to the Villa, Bianca put Miranda down for her nap. Coming into the living room area she found Maggie looking at the pictures on Bianca's fireplace. Her eyes remained fixated on the picture of them. It was taken the summer of Bianca's pregnancy. It was an impromptu gathering at the boathouse. Maggie had splashed ice cream on Bianca's face. Reggie had captured the picture of the girls in a giggle fit.

"She's asleep."

"That was a good day," Maggie smiled looking at Bianca. "I had never seen you eat so much ice cream before."

"Well I was eating for two."

Maggie smiled. "I'm sorry."

"For the ice cream?"

"For disappearing on you," Maggie sighed. "I…I had a lot of stuff I needed to work out."

"I understand that part," Bianca nodded. "But you didn't call. Didn't write. I wasn't expecting anything from you Maggie."

"I was expecting something from myself though," Maggie said coming closer to Bianca.

"What were you expecting?" Bianca asked confused.

"I was expecting myself to be that person you needed. That person you wanted. The person Miranda would need and want too."

"Maggie you were. You are. You're my best friend…."

"No," Maggie shook her head. "I didn't want that. I don't." Maggie took a seat next to Bianca on the couch. "Once Jonathan and I were over…I had so many questions Bianca. So many things I needed answers too. But the truth was I also had answers that I needed to know the questions too."

"Okay," Bianca nodded. "So you're here because you decided you want me as a friend?"

"No," Maggie slowly reached over and took Bianca's hand in her own. "It's been too long since I felt your touch Bianca," Maggie whispered. She slowly brought her hand to Bianca's face. "God I missed you so much."

"You're here now."

"When I said I wanted to be that person you needed…I didn't mean your best friend Bianca. I mean I wanted to be that person you needed me to be. Your partner. Your lover. The person who'd leave her life behind in a heart beat to be with you. The person who would raise your little girl with you. The one who'd laugh and cry with you and the one who'd make love to you in the rain," Maggie said softly. "I want to be the one who Miranda looks too when she can't find you. And I knew I wasn't ready for that when you asked me. And you deserved nothing less then…who I am now."

"And you want those things now?"

Voices tell me I should carry on
But I am swimming in an ocean all alone
Baby, my baby
It's written on your face
You still wonder if we made a big mistake

I've tried to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete

"Bianca…without you I'm incomplete. I'm awake but my world is half asleep," Maggie whispered. She slowly leaned forward and touched her lips gently to Bianca's. "I know I hurt you. And nothing I say will make it better or justify in any way why I did what I had to do. So instead I want to show you. Give me the chance to show you Bianca. Let me prove to you that I'm that person worthy of your love. Worthy of your forgiveness."

I don't mean to drag it on, but I can't seem to let you go
I don't wanna make you face this world alone
I wanna let you go

I've tried to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete

"Maggie…" Bianca felt a tear crawl down her face. "You were always enough. Always." She kissed Maggie again. "God I missed your touch so much," Bianca said softly.

"I know," Maggie nodded pulling Bianca even closer to her. "I love you so much Bianca."

"I love you too," Bianca whispered.

The End

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