DISCLAIMER: The characters do not belong to me. I'm only borrowing them, playing to my heart's content and—like a good little girl—return them after I'm finished. Please don't sue.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.

Funny Meeting You Here
By Sean


"Well, I think it's time to start. Welcome to the first meeting of BSA. Blood-Suckers Anonymous. We try to help each other with our experiences with vampires, especially being a vampire, or being with a vampire. This is a really private group. What's said and done in this room, stays in this room. To make it easier on you and to break the ice—so to speak—I'll start. Hi, my name is Fox and I believe."

"That was inspiring." one of the four people attending snorted.

"Would you like to continue?" Fox asked.

"Nah. I think I'd like to go last."

"Very well. Any volunteers?"

"My name is Gil. I had to arrest several people who believed they were vampires."

"So they weren't?" the interrupter asked again.

"There are no such things as vampires." Gil, a scientist at heart, said with conviction.

This caused disbelieving snorts from the other three attendants, who all happened to be women.

"Who wants to go next?" Fox asked.

"I'm Xena of Amphipolis…well, her clone really, but that's a minor detail, meant to be overlooked. Anyway, I let myself being turned into a Bacchae to defeat Bacchus."

"And I am Gabrielle of Poteidaia—or her clone—and I am the one who turned her." she motioned to her dark-haired friend.

"I bet she liked that." the yet unknown woman remarked with a smirk.

"Excuse me?" Gabrielle huffed.

"Ah, come on. It's one of the most sensual experiences. To be bitten. I should know. It happened to me a few times and apart from the first time…well…let's just say, I really liked it." she practically purred and winked at Gabrielle, who then looked pointedly at Xena who wouldn't meet her eyes.

"Xena!" Gabrielle was shocked. The brunette remained silent.

"Ah, don't be too hard on her. She couldn't help it. 'Sides, you liked biting her, too."

"No, I didn't." Gabrielle hastily denied.

"Be honest. It was a rush to you. Taking in her essence. It gave you an insight into her very being no heart-to-heart-talk could ever give you."

Seeing the truth in the other women's faces, Fox asked stunned, "How do you know all that?"

"Oh, you still haven't figured it out? Guess I still do have a secret identity after all. I'm Buffy. The…well, a…Vampire Slayer. I was a vampire once and I even have been with a vampire. Well, three actually. And let me tell you…it's always a dead-end. Pun intended."

"So…you are some kind of warrior?" Xena asked.

"Yeah, I guess you could say that. Why?"

"I am a warrior myself. What kind of weapons do you use?"

"Well, mostly a stake but I try to use whatever I can get my hands on. Knife, sword, crossbow, broken chair-leg, staff-"

"You can fight with a staff?" Gabrielle asked excitedly while Xena just smiled indulgently at her friend.

"I can make a mean impression of Friar Tuck." Buffy shrugged.

"Who?" the two Greek women asked as one.

"Friar Tuck is a character in an old English tale of Robin Hood, an avenger and protector of the poor, weak and wronged." Gil answered automatically.

"So, Robin Hood is the English version of ancient Greek's Xena?" Gabrielle asked for clarification.

"Only Robin Hood wore tights. Personally, I like your outfit better." Buffy snickered.

"Is there subtext somewhere in there?" Fox asked, despite his usually stoic demeanor the interest was quite obvious. So much so, that the three women all glared at him.

"What? It was a justified question. I've seen the show. There was some serious subtext going on. And it wouldn't be too far-fetched to have two small blondes with green eyes fall for the dark-haired Warrior Princess." he tried to reason.

"Actually, it would make more sense if Xena would fall for Buffy if she was interested in Gabrielle. You know, maybe petite and blonde is her type." Gil mused.

"Sorry to burst your bubble, but I did love Marcus and he was neither petite nor blonde. He was anything but, really." Xena threw in.

"Are you still with him?" Gil asked.

"He died."

"Well, maybe because you lost him, you now go for the exact opposite."

"People. We are not here to discuss Xena's love life. As interesting as that may be." Fox called for order. "We are here to deal with our relationships with vampires."

"Bye, bye, Gil." Buffy wriggled her fingers.

"Excuse me?"

"You have neither been a vampire nor have you had a relationship with one. In fact, you don't even believe in their existence. Why would you want to be here?"

"Well…" his gaze fell on the exposed legs of Gabrielle and Xena. He never saw Xena's fist coming before he met Morpheus.

"Men." Buffy and Gabrielle snorted and slowly turned, fixing their eyes on Fox.

"Okay. Back to the vampires and biting-" he started eagerly, only to be interrupted.

"Which you only want to know about because you are a voyeur and see the biting as sex or at least as foreplay." Buffy finished.

"There is nothing wrong with watching."

That, of course, was the wrong thing to say. Quickly, Gabrielle grabbed her sais and knocked Fox out.

"Well…this hour was a total waste of time." Buffy grumbled. After a short spell of silence, she asked, "What do you think about a girls' night out?"

"What do you have in mind?" Gabrielle asked.

"I know of a demon nest only a couple blocks from here. Are you up to some butt-kicking?"

Xena's eyes brightened immediately.

"Am I ever." the battle-lust apparent on her face.

And the three left high-spirited, though without any resolution for their vampire-issues.

The End

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