DISCLAIMER: Bad Girls is the property of Shed productions, this story depicts a loving/sexual relationship between women...okay, disclaimer done.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.

Healing Hearts
By Sarah

CHAPTER FOUR

Helen sat on the couch while Nikki handed her a mug of coffee and sat down to the side of her. They sat quietly for a few minutes sipping at their drinks, finally Nikki put her mug on the table leaned back in her seat and closed her eyes thinking back on a time long ago.

Helen finished her coffee and leaned to put her mug on the table next to Nikki's when she leaned back she looked to Nikki, thinking that maybe she had fallen asleep, it was gone two am after all. But Nikki wasn't asleep, she was looking intently at Helen waiting till she sat back, then she began.

"Maggie and I met when we were at University. At the time I was going out with Trish, but soon we all three became inseparable. We used to go everywhere together, mostly all three of us but sometimes it was just Maggie and I, sometimes we would spend hours just chatting." Nikki said with a small smile. "I told her things I never told anyone, not even Trish. One night we went to a university rally for the union, Trish couldn't make it, anyway things at the rally got out of hand and Maggie and I were among two dozen students who were arrested for breach of the peace. We were in a cell with about twenty other women and I was getting a bit antsy with claustrophobia and well to comfort me Maggie hugged me and well then she kissed me." Now Nikki's smile became larger with reminiscence but Helen could also see a touch of sadness around her lips.

Nikki stayed quiet for a few moments lost in her memories of that night. "I can still remember that kiss to this day." Nikki laughed a little, "It only lasted about a minute but it felt like we were kissing for hours, then the police freed us from the cells and when we walked out into the main office Trish was there smiling and signing forms after coming to get us. I felt so guilty when Trish hugged me outside the station, Maggie looked mortified and just walked away without saying anything to either of us. Trish didn't even notice her go. Over the coming weeks I gradually lost my guilt over the kiss and Maggie and I began to act normally around each other once again. It soon got back to what it had been like before the rally where we would go out bars or coffee shops together and just spend hours in each others company, talking to each other about anything and everything. I loved listening to her voice." Nikki smiled softly. "When she was talking about something important this … this look … would come into her eyes and I would find myself blocking out all other noises and just sit there listening to her. I would find stupid reasons to touch her, you know touch of the back of her hand here, the brush of my knee against her thigh while moving on the sofa." Nikki sighed and was silent for a moment.

"I used to have these dreams, I started off with Trish but by the end of the dream I would be with this unknown woman that I could never fully see. One morning I woke up from one of those dreams and I finally saw who the other woman was, it was Maggie." Nikki grinned. "I woke up with a complete feeling of total serenity. I remember looking over the breakfast table that morning at Trish and thinking I'm not in love with you anymore, it wasn't until I saw the tears running down Trish's face that I realized I had said it out loud. We must have sat there for ages, neither of us saying anything to the other. Finally I got up, I walked out the door of the kitchen and then out of the house. I didn't know where I was going, I must have walked for hours though because next thing I remember it was dark and I was knocking on Maggie's door. She knew as soon as she saw me what it meant. That first night we just held each other, we never even spoke to one another till the next day when I told her upon waking that I loved her." Nikki once again went quiet, leaning forward she took a drink of her cold coffee, lost in her memories of that day. Helen just sat there, tears silently running down her face at the emotion she could see and feel from Nikki.

After a few minutes Nikki replaced her coffee cup on the table and turned to look at Helen. Seeing the tears she reached forward to cup her face "Oh darling ….".

Helen smiled and placed her hand over Nikki's on her cheek. "Please continue" she said through her tears.

Twining her fingers through Helen's she continued. "We stayed off from classes for a week and just stayed in Maggie's house. When we eventually went back, nothing had changed except Trish looked like death. During the whole week I hadn't given her much thought. I felt so ashamed. She wouldn't talk to either of us. For weeks both of us would try but she would just ignore us as if we weren't even there. One night Maggie and I were at a street-side bar when we saw her go past, we paid for our drinks and left to follow her, to finally talk about what had happened. We were nearly to the house when up ahead we saw this man come out of no where and grab at Trish, we quickly ran to her and chased this man away, but he had hit Trish and knocked her to the ground and she had twisted her ankle. She was obstinate at first about us helping her back to her place but we finally got her back and wrapped her ankle. We had a captive audience so to speak" Nikki smirked. "So we sat there all night and told her everything we had been wanting to tell her over the previous weeks. There was a lot of crying and some screaming, but it eventually all came out. It wasn't easy but over the coming months things got easier and we got on friendly terms again. We got so that at the next semester we all rented a house together and spent the next few years living in the same house. In fact we all lived together till Trish went to work in London five years ago. Maggie and I had decided we wanted to start a family, we had been thinking about it for sometime and with Trish's departure it seemed like an ideal time. Trish set us up with a doctor friend of hers and we went to see how we could go about having a child. We weren't prepared for what the doctor told us. It would be virtually impossible for me to have a child due to injuries I'd received when I was in a car accident as a child, I'd broken my pelvis. We had thought that was bad enough news but then the doctor told us that where it was virtually impossible for me it was imperative that Maggie never became pregnant, because of a congenital heart problem they had discovered during some routine tests. The strain of the pregnancy would be too much for her heart. We were devastated. For six months we tried not to think about having children, just concentrating on making sure we knew everything we could know about Maggie's condition. But it was always there, somewhere behind us like a shadow. Slowly Maggie started to bring the subject of children up again and we discussed other options such as adoption and fostering. We also spent hours thinking about me having the child, after all Doctor Waugh had only said that it was virtually impossible not totally so. We decided to give it a go and so we set up another meeting with Doctor Waugh but after a couple of tries I still wasn't pregnant and we were getting so demoralized. We started to sleep in separate bedrooms and were going through a lot of problems … rarely speaking to one another, not going out together anymore … that sort of thing, until one day Trish came to visit and literally banged out heads together and told us what idiots we were being and did we know that what we had was so special and we were just throwing it away. It was just the kick up the arse we needed. We started living together properly again and never mentioned having children, although we were both still thinking about it. Then one day, nearly three years after we had originally been to see Doctor Waugh about it, Maggie came home and said she was pregnant. We were so happy that night, even the thought of the medical problems it would produce couldn't stop us from celebrating. The next day though the full implication of what she had done hit me full force. I was so angry at her for taking this decision without telling me or consulting me. I asked her was having a baby worth the risk to her health that it involved and she said that if she could live just one day long enough to see me holding our baby then it would all be worth it." Nikki swiped at the tears running full flow now down her face and looked Helen in the eye. "She died watching me hold our baby for the first time, I was so engrossed in Jessie that I didn't even notice right away and the nurse had to move me aside so that the doctor could get to her. But it was too late, everyone in that room, apart from Jessie, knew that."

Helen sat quietly as Nikki finished telling her and when she was sure that Nikki wasn't going to say anything more she opened her arms and just held Nikki while she sobbed at her breast.

When Nikki lifted her head from Helen and searched out her lips with her own. The first kiss was brutal in Nikki's need to run past memories away, but soon it softened and Helen knew that it was only she that Nikki was thinking of. That night they shared only kisses and cuddles.

CHAPTER FIVE

Helen was the first to wake the next morning. After pulling the quilt back up to cover Nikki she made her way to Jessie's room and found the little girl restlessly moving around her bed. Upon seeing Helen she smiled and raised her arms, gurglingly asking to be lifted out. Picking her up Helen spoke quietly to her as she carried her downstairs to the kitchen. She was feeding Jess her weetabix when Nikki shuffled into the room running a hand through her unruly hair.

"Morning babe" she mumbled heading to the coffee pot.

"Mama" Jess gurgled

"Morning sweetheart" Nikki said cupping Jessie's cheek, kissing her brow, and sitting down next to Helen.

"So what do you have planned for today?" Nikki asked Helen after taking a drink of her coffee.

"Well I have to go into work and check on a few things but then I'm all yours" Helen smiled cheekily at Nikki.

"Mmmm sounds good. How about a picnic at the park. I can make it while your up at the hospital. Pick me up when your finished." Nikki suggested.

"OK" Helen said as she stood up. "I'll just go and get dressed then I'll be off." Twenty minutes later Helen kissed Nikki goodbye and went out the front door. Nikki scooped Jess into her arms and stood at the front windows watching as Helen drove off.

Whistling Nikki made her way into the kitchen and set about tidying up before making up the basket for their picnic later. She was hoovering the lounge an hour later when she heard the front door peel. Quickly glancing out the window she noticed a red car in the driveway and laughingly ran to the door. "Forget your key darling?" She asked while opening the door.

"Oh hello" she said to the stranger at the door. "I'm sorry, thought you were someone else." She added a bit flustered.

"No problem. Miss Nicola Wade?" The smartly dressed man in front of her asked. And when Nikki nodded he continued. "My name is Jim Fenner, I'm a lawyer and I represent Mr. and Mrs. Hollamby."

"Maggie's parents?" Nikki asked astounded.

"Yes. They are taking action against you for the custody of their grand daughter Jessica Hollamby. Consider yourself served" He said and thrust an envelope at her which Nikki instinctively accepted, shock etching her features.

Helen pulled her car into Nikki's driveway, killed the engine and bounded out of the vehicle to the front door. She was really looking forward to this. An afternoon off with her two favourite girls. She had informed the Hospital switchboard not to call her unless it was something to do with Denny Blood and she wasn't expecting anything to happen with Denny. She had spent the past hour with Denny, Yvonne and Shaz explaining their new options since Sally Bowles's heart had gone to Manchester. She had left them all encouraging each other that it was going to be alright, hoping they were right.

Bounding through the door she shouted Nikki's name while making her way through to the back room and dropping her bag and keys. Not having received an answer Helen ran upstairs and checked first Nikki's then Jessie's bedroom, still not finding them. "That's odd" she murmured walking back downstairs.

As she passed the lounge she caught a flash of colour. Pushing the door open she walked in to find Nikki, with Jessie in her arms, sat on the couch silently staring into nothingness, pale and shivering slightly.

"Nikki? Darling what's wrong?" she asked kneeling at Nikki's side.

Nikki didn't say anything, never even acknowledging that Helen was there.

"Nikki … Nikki please answer me … Nikki!" at last shaking Nikki out of her reverie.

Nikki turned her head slowly and looked at Helen, finally realising that she was there. Still she said nothing, instead she just picked up the paper that was on the other side of herself on the sofa and handed it to Helen who read it quietly. She had to read it twice to make sure she had read it correctly.

"Nikki what the hell is this?"

"They want to take Jess away from me Helen. They want to take her away" Nikki said burying her head into Jessie's fleece covered abdomen and sobbing. All the emotion of last nights conversation mixed with her fear of losing her daughter, bringing the tears harder to the fore.

Helen sat down next to her and ran a soothing hand along her back. "Please don't cry Nikki, we'll sort this out I promise."

After a while Nikki's crying hiccupped to a stop. "Why would they do this Helen? They never liked the fact that Maggie and I lived together, never forgave the fact that Maggie would rather live her life with me than settle down with a nice young man. When we told them that Maggie was pregnant they said that that was the last time Maggie was going to be disrespectful of them and that they wanted no more to do with her and especially nothing to do with her "Devil Child" as they called her. When I rang to tell them that Maggie had died they kept putting the phone down when I identified myself. In the end I had to get a nurse to ring them and tell them." Nikki cried while hugging a sleeping Jess to her breast. Turning she looked at Helen. "They never even came to the hospital to see her or to the funeral, and they have never once seen Jessica. I saw them in town once when Jess and I were out shopping. You could tell that Bobby wanted to come over and see her but Sylvia took one look at me and bustled Bobby across the road and in the opposite direction." Nikki stopped and looked back at her sleeping daughter.

"Why Helen? Why would they want to take her from me? Why would they do this to us? Now after all this time when I am finally starting to get my life back together. Why would they want to destroy it again?" Nikki pleaded until the tears fell harder down her cheeks.

Helen took the sleeping baby from Nikki's slumbering form and took her upstairs to her room. Laying her on the bed, Helen ran the back of her fingers along the child's cheek. How would Nikki cope if Jess was taken away from her? If they were to be separated like this then she didn't know how Nikki would survive.

Going back downstairs to the lounge, she stood by Nikki and watched her sleep, before leaning down and kissing her cheek.

Nikki stirred in her sleep, slowly waking to find Helen in front of her.

"Helen … I'm sorry I fell asleep …what time is it?"

"Shhhh it's OK. It's just gone 6 o'clock, I've just taken Jessie upstairs and put her to bed. So that just leaves you and me and a tasty lasagne I made while you dozed. It should be ready in about an hour so why don't you pop upstairs and take a shower." Helen said to Nikki who looked adorable with her sleep roughened hairstyle.

Nikki smiled at Helen before getting up of the couch and making her way upstairs. Later after dinner they discussed what they were going to do about the Hollamby's and their future custody battle.