DISCLAIMER: Scrubs and its characters are the property of Touchstone Television and NBC. No infringement intended.
CHALLENGE: Submitted as part of the Cliché Challenge 2007.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
Her Results
By Outsidethebx
Calm down, Elliot. It's not time to freak out…yet. Elliot Reid blew the bangs out of her eyes, and quickly walked down the busy hallway. Ok, so maybe it is. I don't know who the father is, no one will ever support me, and daddy will send me to an unwed mother's home in Shreveport, Louisiana. Her nose wrinkled as she considered the possibilities. I've always wanted to try gumboo…
"I can kill him if you want me too."
Elliot's head jerked up and she stumbled over the mop bucket.
"What?"
The janitor leaned against the hospital wall, and held the mop up like a sword. "I know people."
"What are you talking about?"
"Whoever's making you sad. I suspect Dr. Dorian." He paused and stared up toward the ceiling. "I follow him around everyday, tracking his every move…" He pointed to a small notebook in his shirt pocket. "…taking notes. I lost him the other day, though. What'd he do?"
Elliot shook her head and started to walk away. She managed to squeak "Nothing" as she rounded the corner.
"Just remember…I know people."
Great. Now I have the creepy janitor putting a contract out on J.D. Elliot frowned. That sooo would have been useful when Jeremy Saunders followed me home after 10th grade English and wanted to play hide the pickle.
"Ahh Dr. Reid, so nice of you to join us this morning."
Elliot gulped and attempted to fix her wrinkled scrubs. "Yes, Dr. Kelso…sir?"
"How are you holding up there, sweetheart?'
How could he know? Wait, there's no way. Elliot's heartbeat increased and tiny beads of sweat began to form on her brow. Unless he was at CVS when I bought the test kit. There was that short crinkly man with a black hood. Her face turned red, and her body began to shake. Oh god.
"Listen sir, I can explain." Elliot began to flap her arms back and forth and tears welled up in her eyes. "I was there for my friend to pick up a kit, and it's notformeIpromise."
Dr. Kelso gulped down some coffee and looked over his notes. "Dr. Reid? You talk too much." He paused to take another sip. "Now, I need to get Enid a present."
Elliot breathed a sigh of relief. "For what, Sir?"
"Her 6th graduation of fat camp." Dr. Kelso propped up against the nurse's station and set down his cup.
"Dr. Kelso, I just remembered I need to take care of this…this thing."
"Need time to think about it? I'll expect your suggestions by lunch: it's tapioca pudding day."
Almost there, just a few more feet. Elliot looked over her shoulder and thanked Peter, Paul and Mary that the hallway was empty. She quickly opened the single stall handicapped bathroom, and went inside.
Could anything else go wrong? Of all the people to run into…the janitor and Dr. Kelso…She took out a white plastic CVS bag, and set it on the sink. I can't believe I'm doing this.
Elliot took out the pink and white box and read the directions: Remove Overcap. Simply hold the test stick by the thumb grip and place the absorbent tip in your urine stream for 5 seconds. Lay the test stick down on a flat surface with the result window on the clear side facing up.
Eww. She took out the test kit and pulled down her scrubs. Why can't they have one that you can spit on, or fart…
Ok, 3 minutes. Elliot put the pregnancy test on the floor, and reached down to pull up her scrubs. The door began to open, and Elliot frantically tried to jam it shut.
"Don't pretend to be Wonder Woman, Stick, let me in. I know you're in here."
Elliot whispered, "How did you know it was me?"
"Who else hangs out in the bathroom during their breaks?"
"Oh." Elliot hid by the door and allowed Jordan Sullivan access.
"Besides, I saw you go inside."
Elliot grabbed the waist band of her pants, but lost her balance, and fell, face first on to the tiled floor.
"Frick."
"What the fuck is going on?" Jordan whirled around and stared at Elliot's half naked frame. "I knew you were borderline crazy, and quite possibly a nympho, but playing with yourself in the handicap stall is a little much."
"No, Jordan, it's not what you think."
"That's a rarity."
Elliot picked up the empty box and handed it to Jordan. She looked down and awaited the explosion.
"Oh. I've done those a bunch of times." She dropped the box on to the floor. "I use to buy them in bulk. Saved me money while I was in college."
Elliot shook her head and muttered, "Raise your hand if you're surprised."
"Excuse me?"
"Nothing."
Jordan knelt down and directed Elliot's face upward. "If you've got something to say—grow some balls and spit it out." She paused and looked over at the test. "Otherwise, go over there and find out if the world should don black and go into mourning."
"It's not just that."
"Geez, what now."
"If I am, well, you know…" Elliot began to sniffle. "I don't know who the father is."
"Honey, you really did steal a few pages from my book." Jordan smiled and sat down next to Elliot. "So, who are the potential sperm donors?"
"I'm sorry, what?"
"Did mommy and daddy not tell you how the process works?"
Elliot's face turned red and she leaned against the wall. "No, I'm well aware." She paused and looked up at Jordan. "It's either J.D. or Sean."
"Just can't stop screwing little DJ, can you?"
"No, it's not what you think."
Jordan rolled her eyes. "That argument's a little old."
"Sean was gone for five months, and J. D. and I were cuddling on the couch…"
"They really never told you about the birds and the bees did they?"
Elliot slammed her hands down on the floor. "LISTEN! Sean was gone for five months, and I went over to J.D.'s because I was lonely. We ended up screwing around, but Sean came back, and, I was so happy to see him, and we…"
"…made up for the 5 sexless months of torture?"
"Something like that."
"Fabulous. Very impressive."
Elliot attempted to cover her lower region with her hands. "Are you staring at me?"
Jordan smirked and replied dismissively, "Don't flatter yourself there, Barbie. It's not like yours is the first I've seen."
Elliot blushed and lowered her gaze. "Oh." But she was staring…I think…and her eyes seemed softer…darker…
"You seem surprised."
"I just thought you only devoured men, that's all."
Jordan traced her finger down Elliot's arm. "I would never limit myself to a specific species."
Elliot pulled her arm away and pushed up off the ground.
"Where are you going?"
"To pull up my pants and check the results."
Jordan reached up and grabbed Elliot's waist. "No you're not."
"But, I've got to know…"
Jordan's lips crushed Elliot's as she brought her to the floor. "Don't worry about it," She muttered as she positioned herself between Elliot's thighs.
"Jordan, what are you doing?" Elliot jerked away and her mouth gaped open in surprise.
"You're positive you had the "Big Talk" with your parents?"
"Yes, but I'm not a lesbian." Elliot crossed her arms and stubbornly looked up at Jordan. "I don't kiss girls."
"Never?"
"Look. This could potentially change my life, and all you can think about is how many girls I've kissed?" Elliot wrinkled her nose and shook her head in disgust. "I guess that shouldn't surprise me though…since you're practically dead inside..."
"You're not."
"What?"
"I said, you're not."
Elliot stared at Jordan. "What do you mean?"
"Geez, you're more dense than I thought." Jordan pointed toward the test. "I saw the results when I walked in the door." Jordan laughed. "It takes 3 minutes, not 25."
Elliot's face turned red and she hit Jordan's arm. "So you knew the entire time?"
"Yep."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I was bored. You provided some much needed entertainment." Jordan cocked her head to the side and looked over at Elliot. "Go ahead."
Elliot gritted her teeth and muttered "What?"
"Freak out. You know you want to." Jordan snapped her fingers. "Let's have it."
I'm not giving her the benefit of being right. But, how dare she not tell me. Elliot clenched her fists so tightly that her knuckles turned white. She's cruel, heartless, sadistic… Elliot's eye began to twitch and her lips tightly pursed together.
"You're so…."
"Yes?"
"Mean." Frick. Good one, you really gave it to her.
Jordan clapped her hands together. "Wow. That's the best you can come up with?" She shook her head. "Such a letdown."
"You're a monster."
"Getting better."
"…bully…"
Jordan sighed. "I had high hopes for you, Stick…"
Elliot's face turned almost purple and she stood up and pointed her finger at Jordan. "You can't have your way with people all the time. It's not right." Elliot paused to collect her thoughts. "Just because you boss Dr. Cox around, and J.D., and Dr. Kelso, doesn't mean you own the rights to me too."
"Feel better?"
Elliot sat back down. "Yeah, a little bit. Do you always have to be a raving bitch?"
"Only when you're a psychotic space case."
"Fine."
"Fine."
Elliot looked over at Jordan. "So how many girls have you kissed, anyway?"
"I was adding another to my list, but you pulled away and freaked out." Jordan smiled. "You never did pull up your scrubs, though." She scooted over closer to Elliot. "What are we going to do about that?"
The End