DISCLAIMER: I don't own Scrubs or any of the characters, nor do I own the dialog at the very beginning of the fic.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I think Jordan is far easier to write in fics that are primarily dialog/humorous, but I hope this turned out ok.
SERIES/SEQUEL: Companion piece to Her Closet Encounter.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
Her Sixth Person
By bank_farter
1. Colonel Doctor
Ok, so maybe this one wasn't all about Perry. At least not at first. Jordan's initial interest in Colonel Doctor had been to see him naked so that she could verify the rumor that that he groomed his lower hair just as much as the hair on his chin. After she'd determined that this was, disturbingly, true, she figured she was at least somewhat obligated to do something besides stare. So, she fucked him in the 3rd floor men's room, focusing optimistically on the fact that the strenuous activity might actually kill him.
Even if it didn't, she thought, she would still have the benefit of rubbing it in Perry's face the fact that she'd chosen a decrepit old man who looked like a fast food icon over him.
She decided right then and there that she would be sure to tell Perry that Colonel Doctor was better than he was, even though that wasn't at all true.
2. Mickhead
Jordan got the idea for this one when Mickhead had come barreling down the corridor, cursing under his breath and muttering about Cox never sending good cases his way. He announced to no one in particular that he'd teach Perry to fuck with him, that he'd give him every geezer with bowels trouble that he could find. That's when Jordan casually suggested that fucking his ex-wife might do the trick as well. She almost hadn't said it—she'd heard plenty of rumors about the way Mickhead treated his wife (specifically, the fact that he sometimes tried to kill her). But, then again, Jordan had met Mickhead's wife at the two hospital functions that she hadn't been able to avoid by faking organ failure, and she'd decided almost immediately that she couldn't really blame him for trying to off her. Plus, what could be better than mutual revenge sex?
When Mickhead suggested the reverse cowgirl position, Jordan agreed, partly because she thought it might be fun, but mostly because it meant she didn't have to look at him. The sex was good anyway, but she enjoyed it even more when she let her mind wander to how angry and humiliated Perry was going to be when he found out about it.
The next day, when she saw Mickhead stroll down the corridor, whistling and studying the triple bypass assignment in his hand, she looked over at the nurses' station just in time to see Perry angrily sweep a stack of files onto the floor and storm away. She smirked.
3. Nurse Tisdale
Jordan's reasoning on this one was simple: every man in the hospital wished he could get a piece of her, and, although he didn't drool over her as much as DJ did, Perry was no exception. So, Jordan decided to take her instead.
She'd initially imagined that the hook-up would require copious amounts of alcohol and a few well-timed sorority allusions, but it was actually much easier than that. All she really had to do was pose the idea, because it turned out that Nurse Tisdale was the "try anything once" type (including, she would later learn, the albino from radiology). They had sex in the boardroom, Jordan perched on the edge of the conference table and Nurse Tisdale on her knees in front of her. And, right after she collapsed on the table from the force of her orgasm, Jordan smiled at the knowledge that she got Perry one better, even if he'd never know about it.
4. JD
This one was Jordan's masterwork. She'd known as soon as she'd seen DJ that he was Perry's little protégé, that he meant something to him, even if Perry would never admit it. That fact alone made her determined to get into his pants, but the whole deal got even sweeter when she realized it was going to be much easier than she thought: he had no idea that she and Perry even knew each other, let alone that she was the soul-sucking ex-wife he was always ranting about. She had nothing against the twit, but she had to admit that she took a devilish pleasure in screwing two-for-the-price-of-one. Good thing, too, because that was about all the pleasure she got from the awkward encounter in the exam room.
No matter, though. When she found the perfect time to spring this information on Perry, she'd just leave the "awkward" part out.
5. Perry
To someone who didn't know Jordan, her plan to slowly crush Perry's soul through a series of late-night booty calls might have seemed a tad bit…misguided. But that was to someone who didn't know Jordan. Sex was a weapon for her, and she never wielded it quite so masterfully as she did in her dealings with Perry. Sometimes she would interrupt his dates. Other times, she'd rake her nails down his back hard enough that he'd be reminded of their encounter the next morning, when he'd had time to really let the shame sink in. And, on occasions when the mood struck, she'd fake not coming, just to make him feel a little worse when she did what she always did, which was to wait until his guard was fully down before she twisted the knife by mentioning her latest hospital hook-up. Then, when his jaw went slack and she felt that his self-esteem was adequately low, she'd head for the door and leave after dropping a line about how she'd be back soon.
It was perfect.
Or so Jordan had thought before Blond Stick gave her a reality check in the middle of the hospital. Once she got over her initial shock that the woman she had pegged as a doormat had actually stood up to her, Jordan realized that the younger doctor was at least a little right. Her life was revolving around Perry, not the reverse. Torturing him had become an obsession, and, worse, Perry wasn't even responding to her efforts well anymore. In fact, he was actually starting to cope with the shame of not being able to shake that particular albatross and to get to the point where he could just enjoy the routine sex that their screwed up "relationship" (if it could be called that) provided. That, simply put, was unacceptable. Jordan had to do something to break the pattern.
So, she kissed Dr. Reid. It was an impulse, and probably a bad one, but, to Jordan's surprise, the younger doctor didn't seem overtly hostile to the gesture. In fact, she managed to avoid dissolving into a neurotic mess until Jordan dragged her to the safety of the utility closet, and, even then, the meltdown wasn't as severe as Jordan expected—not that she paid much attention to it. No, she mostly used the opportunity to consider Elliot. Other than the fact that she could probably use a sandwich (or five) and a few hours at a tanning salon, she was pretty. Jordan had thought so when she first saw her, but her total lack self-confidence had overshadowed any positive physical attributes she might have had. But, the fact that Elliot had shown an unexpected spark a few moments earlier forced Jordan to reconsider her opinion, and the verdict that she came to was that Elliot was just about perfect for what she had in mind: submissive enough to be amusing, but with just enough fire to make it worth Jordan's while.
So, Jordan decided to play with her a bit, teasing her about college experimentation (granted, she guessed on that account, but she wasn't exactly shocked when Elliot's deer in the headlights look confirmed her suspicious) and announcing her dislike of the younger doctor before revealing her actual intentions—namely, sex. The results were perfect: Elliot managed to look hurt, offended, stunned, and confused all at once, and Jordan practically pounced on her, pressing her lips hard against Elliot's as she pinned her against a shelving unit.
Jordan was vaguely aware that she probably should have felt a little guilty about what was happening. She didn't, though. This was partially due to the fact that she was a bit of a sociopath, but, mostly, it was because, for all her protests and panicked looks, Stick certainly hadn't made any beelines for the door. In fact, if Jordan wasn't mistaken (and she seldom was), Elliot had actually kissed her back.
When Jordan lowered her lips to Elliot's neck and let her hand skim lightly over her breast, she knew she hadn't been wrong. Elliot moaned at the contact and let her body relax a little into the embrace, and Jordan curved her lips into a smirk that she was sure Elliot could feel against her neck. "That a girl," she said, and she meant it.
After a few moments, she moved her hand lower, over Elliot's taught stomach, until it rested on the drawstring of her scrubs. Jordan was never a patient woman, but she knew enough to know that sudden movements had the potential to incite Stick's extremely sensitive "launch into a neurotic panic" reflex. Dealing with the ensuing freak-out would take more patience than simply waiting (not to mention more patience than Jordan was willing to expend), so she did the latter, letting her hand linger on the knot before she slowly undid it and slipped her hand past Elliot's waistband.
Jordan placed a high priority on appearing cold and collected at all times, so she made sure to bite back the groan that threatened to erupt from her throat when her fingertips felt the heat emanating from the blonde. Instead, she settled on the more socially appropriate response of smirking as she ran her finger along the damp fabric and demanding that she beg to be touched.
And, to Jordan's mild surprise, Elliot did beg, whispering a choked "please" as Jordan's fingers just barely touched her through her lacy panties (if Jordan's mind weren't so hazy, she would have make a crack about the fact that nobody wears lingerie to work). So, Jordan obliged, pushing the thin material aside and sliding two fingers into Elliot as she brought her thumb up to trace small circles around her clit.
Jordan didn't usually do this—she much preferred to be on the receiving end of sexual favors—but she had to admit she wasn't exactly hating this encounter. In fact, she was almost enjoying herself. Winning and fucking were two of her favorite things, and few things made her happier than when they intersected. That's probably why she was loving the feeling of Stick—notoriously uptight and anxious Stick—being so hot and wet for her, digging her nails into her back, letting out an incoherent string of sounds into Jordan's ear as she sucked at her pulse point.
It was definitely why she found it so satisfying when—after she ordered Elliot to come—she obeyed, clenching around her fingers and groaning Jordan's name as she rode out her orgasm.
When she was finished, Jordan told her she was a good girl, and, to her chagrin, it came out sounding as almost as genuine as she actually felt it. Still, she managed to recover quickly enough, wiping her fingers on Elliot's scrubs and making a snide remark about how coming on command was not the best way to assert oneself as a non-doormat.
Elliot flinched at the words, and Jordan had the good sense to leave before she was forced to do something really stupid, like acknowledge the dull sense of regret she felt over the last comment, or the gnawing feeling that she might have just smothered the spark that she had appreciated so much in the younger doctor. The crap thing about gnawing feelings, though, was that they tended to keep gnawing, even if Jordan did her best to ignore the hell out of them. So, she did the only thing she could think to do. She went to see Perry.
He had two candles burning when she walked through the door, and he'd bothered to spritz on some cologne that didn't smell terrible. Other than that, nothing was different (same jab—parry—jab as usual), but, for whatever reason, the whole thing felt strangely and ironically hollow to Jordan.
Later, when Perry handed her the traditional after-sex scotch, he noticed that something had changed. "What's wrong with you?"
"Nothing," Jordan said, maybe too quickly. "I guess I was just thinking of this guy I kind of like."
It was an ego-stroking lie, so, of course, Perry latched onto it. And, even though listening to him blather on about his better qualities and Jordan's dependence on him was almost as boring as a board meeting, Jordan went along with it. After all, the truth was really none of his business.
The End