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"Lieutenant Torres is dead."
That had been the last words she said. Since that hour she didn't even speak one word. Not if her life depended on it. She would only speak to one person aboard this ship.
At first everybody thought she didn't care. She had announced the Lieutenant's death in the same Borg monotone she always used. Nothing special about it.
Everyone had been shocked when they had heard about B'Elanna's death. Tom cried the whole time while Tuvok and the Captain tried to hold the crew together. Harry comforted Tom, at least as far as he could.
But nobody cared about her. The whole crew of engineering was shocked and couldn't believe it, though they had seen the body lying on the floor, the uniform dirty and dishevelled. Their chief was the most passionate and volatile woman or even human they knew, a woman you just had to love. She was brilliant and courageous, no matter what. And still, when she died they only thought about one thing.
Why did Kes kill B'Elanna and not the Borg? Unfair, yes, but they had known the dark little hybrid for years, knowing her, loving her, and then she died. Next to the Borg they all wanted as far away from engineering as possible.
Now they were here, sitting in engineering, hugging each other, crying and sometimes only staring at the ground where the Lieutenant had lain hours before. Nobody knew where she was, the last thing they had seen was the light of a transporter beam capturing the Borg and her.
She was sitting in Cargo Bay 2, the doors locked with Borg algorithms so nobody could come in, not even the Captain with her override code. Nothing would be possible. Not even beaming. She had been smart enough to deactivate that after beaming in her "home".
The only person who would have been able to override her Borg algorithms now lay in her lap, her eyes closed and her features relaxed as if she were sleeping. But she wasn't sleeping, and Seven knew that.
It didn't matter to her that everybody thought she disliked the fiery Klingon, but in fact she had liked her. Loved her, Had been in love with her, With all her heart. But she knew she hadn't been able to admit it. Until now. Now that B'Elanna was dead she was able to tell her how she felt.
"I love you, B'Elanna Torres. With all my heart I am yours. You are my mind, my soul, my life. You inspired me, you helped me regain my humanity, and you helped me to find out that I am human after all. You helped me experience love, jealousy, anger, happiness, joy all the feelings you only too willingly shared with all the people around you.
I love you; I am willing to give everything just to be with you again. I would give my life for you, I would die for you right now if it weren't for you lying here in my arms and I just can't let you be on your own. I need to be by your side when you go to Sto-Vo-Kor. I will howl for you like a real mate would do.
QaghajnIS, like I need the air to breathe. (I need you)
Qathlob, accept my howling as an indication of my love for you. (I ask you)
Qabej, every time you fall asleep in your office after shift. (I watch you)
Qaqoy', wait for me in Sto-Vo-Kor. (I beg you)
QaHo', you are the most beautiful and intelligent woman I have ever seen. (I admire you)
QawIv, be my mate when I come to join you. (I choose you)
Qaparmaq, B'Elanna." (I love you)
With these words Seven leant down, gently pressing her lips to the Klingon's forehead, feeling the ridges under her lips, starting to shiver at the sensation. Yes, B'Elanna was dead. And she never knew that she loved her. She always thought she hated her though she never harboured such feelings for the lithe engineer.
If it hadn't been for Ensign Paris, she would've admitted her love for the Lieutenant, but it would've been inappropriate to reveal her feelings while B'Elanna still was in a relationship. So she had waited for B'Elanna to break up with the lousy helmsman.
He never had been good enough for her. He wasn't half as smart, passionate or courageous as she had been. Seven never understood what B'Elanna had seen in the blonde Holodeck-addict. Of course, his body was acceptable, but his behaviour was the one of a child.
She just had admitted her love to B'Elanna and now she sat there telling herself that B'Elanna's boyfriend never was good enough? Pathetic.
She looked so peaceful. So at ease. As if nothing had happened. Not as if some old former Voyager crew member just had killed her by shooting a lighting of warp energy into her.
Seven wished she was dead instead of her. She knew she couldn't live with the thought that she would never see B'Elanna again.
It had been her fault. When the old Kes came in she and B'Elanna had been working together, silently without argument, like more often these days. And then hell broke loose and everything turned into darkness and grief. Instead of leaving engineering like the Captain had ordered just seconds before, B'Elanna and Seven had tried to shut down the warp core, but Kes just didn't let go of the core and threw a lighting of energy at B'Elanna, causing her to fall back.
Seven instantly looked for a pulse, but there had been nothing. She didn't really realise. She knew there was no pulse, but when the Captain had asked what happened she still didn't realise that B'Elanna was dead. Not even when she had told the Captain so.
But when the Captain finally came down to engineering and shot Kes in her last attempt to save her crew, Seven still sat next to B'Elanna on the ground, holding her hand. Somehow, when the Captain declared that Kes was dead she finally realised that B'Elanna was dead, too. So she had done the only thing she could think of and used the transporters to beam herself and B'Elanna to Cargo Bay 2.
And now, hours later nothing had changed. She still sat there in the same position as hours ago, holding B'Elanna's head on her lap, stroking her soft hair and rocking back and forth. She knew she had to get up, but she couldn't force herself to let go of B'Elanna. She couldn't let go of the love of her life. Not now that she just found her and touched her for the first time.
It was foolish and illogical and inefficient, but she didn't care. A really bad sign. She could do anything just by telling herself that it would be efficient, and now? Her body didn't respond. Tears ran down her face, confusing her even more.
But through all of the confusion and all the tears she could see one face smiling at her, a smile that lightened her soul. She responded in the same kind, cupping the figures cheek.
The cheek was cold. That's when she began to howl. For the loss of a high-ranked Officer. For the loss of a passionate member of the crew. For the loss of a dear friend. For the loss of the love of her existence.
They could hear someone howling, and Janeway instinctively knew who it was. There was only one person aboard Voyager except herself, the Doctor and probably Tuvok who knew about the traditional howling for dead warriors. She knew that she would have to talk to Seven. But now she was busy coordinating her crew to repair the damaged stuff, to keep them busy so they wouldn't think about the loss. So they would work instead of cry.
Somehow she managed to get them to work, repair everything and restart the engines so they could travel back to the alpha quadrant. Tom and Harry had been sent home, so Tom wouldn't do anything stupid.
15 hours later the howling stopped. The longer it lasted, the quieter it had become, but it never subsided. And nobody was able to break in the Borg algorithms of Cargo Bay 2. Harry had already been working on them for over 10 hours.
Shouting and calling for Seven didn't bring any change, and when Janeway tried to hail her over the comm channel she just didn't answer. Though the fifth time she hailed Seven she could only hear a screech and then nothing. Obviously Seven had destroyed the comm badge.
Finally it was at least quiet. But there was still the problem that B'Elanna's body was with Seven, and they had to get her out of there, as hard as it sounded. They had arranged a funeral and wanted to do it as fast as possible so B'Elanna could find her peace.
64 hours later Harry had been able to decipher the Borg algorithms and when they entered Cargo Bay 2, they found Seven in the same position as she had been days ago.
They talked to her, tried to comfort her, tried to take B'Elanna, but every time they tried, Seven started attacking them, and so they had no other choice than to sedate her.
When Seven awoke she didn't know where she was. She looked around and recognised Sick Bay and instantly got up, examining the space around her.
When she tried to leave, she bumped into a level 10 force field. She couldn't do anything about it, so she sat down, in the corner furthest away from the Doctor, silently starting to rock again.
Nobody knew why she refused to speak the first few days, they tried everything, even little Naomi Wildman came by to cheer her up, but everything failed. Seven just sat there in her corner, rocking and humming. But other than that she would do nothing else, not speaking one word.
She didn't respond to anything around her, not shouting, not whispering, not touching. she didn't ignore them. she just didn't realise they were there. her eyes weren't their usual shiny blue, they seemed to be misted, greyish and dark. The Seven they knew didn't even exist anymore.
For days the Doctor tried to force her to eat, but every time he gave her another tray of food she just ignored it. Finally, when she still refused to eat or even take her nutritional supplements drink he was forced to sedate her again and tie her to the biobed, tubes running in and out of her body, forcing the food inside her so she wouldn't die.
Every time Seven awakened she tried to get free so she could rip off the tubes, but every time she tried it didn't work. Only one time did she manage to rip the tube out of her mouth by using her assimilation tubes.
But after her attempt to free herself, the Doctor just deactivated her tubes and still forced her to eat. Still, her body grew weak, her backside getting red and swollen after a few weeks, starting to suppurate because she was lying too long.
Finally they even had to amputate half of her leg, it had started to smell, the suppurating even worse than on the other parts of her body.
And when they even had to amputate her human arm and other leg Seven decided that she couldn't "live" like this. Not that it was a life without B'Elanna, but
One night she somehow managed to rip off the bandages that held her in place, and so she instantly dropped herself to the floor, crawling to the Doctor's hyposprays. She knew she couldn't do it herself, that wouldn't be honorable, but the Doc could do it, and so she mixed the poison into the liquid food she always got pumped into herself. Then she crawled back to the biobed and lay back down, waiting for the next morning.
Again she was restrained, obviously the Doctor had thought she had managed to free herself in her sleep. She knew the next time he would initiate another meal would be in three hours, and so she thought about her life, waiting for her death.
She knew she could've had so much more, if she just had been able to tell B'Elanna how she felt
Two hours and 49 minutes later Seven still wasn't nervous. She just waited patiently. The thoughts of B'Elanna made her feel alive, like she didn't loose one arm and two legs. Some hours ago even her human eye had started to malfunction and she could now not even see properly. But it didn't matter, soon it would be over and she would be with her beloved.
We lost her ten months ago. The Doctor told me that she probably added poison to her supplements at night. So she finally got what she wanted. She died here in Sick Bay, her remaining hand held a stuffed Targ, I don't know where she got it, but there it was, small and furry.
She died with the knowledge that she would join B'Elanna in Sto-Vo-Kor. I loved her like a daughter, and she told me almost everything, but she never talked to me about her love for our chief engineer. Her private records showed that she fell in love with B'Elanna shortly after she arrived on Voyager. She never realised it was love, though, until the Doctor forced her to date.
It is ironic. After checking B'Elanna's private records, we never even wondered why she talked about Seven so much. She only complained, even in her records, but after Seven's death Harry checked Seven's records and found one record that was from B'Elanna and not from Seven. It was sent to Seven's console in Cargo Bay 2 after B'Elanna died, like a goodbye message. But Seven never read it, too overwhelmed by the death of her love.
It is ironic. They loved each other. That's what B'Elanna told Seven in her goodbye message. That she loved Seven from the beginning on yet not one of them said anything and B'Elanna being seemingly happy with Tom
Seven didn't speak one word, not even when she still could, in the beginning she was able to speak, she just didn't want to. And when she wasn't able anymore, she still didn't want to.
We had her lying there in Sick Bay for more than 6 months, and she wasn't the only one who felt the deep sadness that now engulfed the whole ship. She thought she was the only one who felt grief. Tom was upset about her obviously so deep feelings for his girlfriend and even started to make assumptions about their relationship and dishonoured B'Elanna. Surprisingly it was Tuvok who knocked him out.
These two where the most amazing women we had on our ship, and we were lucky to have them. And now they are gone. Voyager isn't the same anymore. We had nobody good enough to lead Astrometrics, long-range sensors useless now. Icheb quit his work months ago, the loss of his mother-in-mind too hard for the poor boy. Now he babysits Naomi Wildman most of the time, the two of them comforting each other as good as possible. Azan and Rebi refused to speak for months, hiding in their own world of twins, but they seem to get better, at least they are speaking again. But their eyes are dead, dead as the ones of Seven before she died. They now are more Borg than they ever were before. engineering looks like a city dump. Carey and Vorik just aren't able to get them to work properly. Everyone works on different things at the same time and nobody knows what the other one does. It's like hell.
We are lucky to have survived the last encounter with the Borg, but we lost 12 members of the crew, one of them Mezoti, she said she couldn't live without Seven any longer and beamed herself into the Borg cube to be re-assimilated.
Another one is Harry. He and Tom were in the Delta-Flyer at that time and we were only able to get Tom back to Voyager alive. He almost died out there, his whole face is burnt and even the Doctor can't heal these scars. He hides in his quarters most of his free time. Only when he booked time in the Holodeck he leaves them. Everybody knows what kind of program he runs there, but nobody is willing to tell him that it's not good for him. I wish he would stop. He can't get better when he sees B'Elanna every day. And he's not the only one who went a little crazy. Neelix can't be called morale Officer anymore, all he does is cook and mourn and cry. And little Tal Celes died, too. Astrometrics is now completely destroyed, and she was in it when the phaser hit the ship
Voyager isn't the same anymore. We lost our fighting spirit together with our beloved girls. I lost my two surrogate daughters and Voyager the two most beautiful and intelligent women I've ever known.
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