DISCLAIMER: Xena and Gabrielle are property of Renaissance Pictures and MCA.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
By Major Roon
Let me tell you a story.
It's not really just a story, it's a memory of something that happened to me once. The memory is of a night in which my life took another turn. What happened that night changed my life. I was asked a question and I answered it and with that answer I left the path I had traveled for some time to walk on another.
I always have to smile when I remember that night because nothing like this had ever happened to me before; not in this way.
And whenever I tell this story, let people in on my memories, I always think that it was one of the best nights I ever had, that it was one of the best things to ever happen to me.
I remember that she was irritating the tartarus outta me back then.
That night I decided to write some of my thoughts down on parchment. I hadn't done that in a long time and there was much I needed to say or at least write. Xena just sat on the other side of the fire.
At first she had sharpened her sword, then she had picked on her boot for a while to get some dirt off apparently and then she had just sat there and stared at the fire and at me. She had been doing that the whole evening; staring at me, I mean. And I knew that expression on her face; she was thinking hard.
Either it was something very big, something profound or something trivial, something no one would really think about. Xena often accused me of dwelling over every little thing there is, she does still today, but she's worse because her things are even smaller than mine, which makes them huge in her opinion. Either way, I wished she would just stop staring.
It took another while and a few more stares until she said my name and I was equally annoyed to be interrupted as relieved that she finally said something. I looked up into her eyes because I knew that whatever she was about to say was important to her and that made it important to me in return.
'Gabrielle ' She said my name again. 'Would you marry me?'
'We could have an Amazon joining too, if that's what you want?' She said casually, way too casually for my liking.
'You're pulling my leg, aren't you, Xena?' But she shook her head.
'Look, I've been thinking ' She came over and kneeled down in front of me. 'We should do it. It's the most logical thing.'
'I can't see any logic in it.' I said. I stared, disbelief must've been written all over my face. 'Xena, this is not funny. If you don't mean what you're saying you better stop now.'
'I mean it, Gabrielle, I'm serious.'
We were both silent, she seemed to wait for an answer and I for Zeus to kill me on the spot with one of his lightning bolts.
'Xena, have you lost your mind?'
'Nooo. As I said, it's the most logical thing.' She gave me that look. Duh, it said.
'Again, it's not logical at all. I mean people marry because they're in love, because they're lovers, not because it's logical.' She was about to protest but I cut her off because I really was afraid of what she would say next. 'No, it's not logical. We aren't lovers, we haven't even kissed yet '
'Oh, we have kissed.'
'It was Autolycus' body, so technically our lips never touched that way.'
'Now you're getting technical on me.'
I still couldn't believe we were talking about this. I had actually never imagined talking with Xena about this of all people.
'You're not even in love with me, why would you want to marry me and don't say because it's logical.'
Xena pursed her lips and lifted one eyebrow. 'I never said that that I wasn't in love with you.'
Okay, this is too much, I thought then and there and scrambled to my feet to pace around in front of her.
I didn't get it right away back then.
'Help me out here. You ask me to marry you before you tell me you're in love with me and before anything has even happened between us, not that there will.' I held my finger up to emphasize my point.
'Exactly.' She said.
'Exactly? That's your answer? Despite the fact that you're doing this whole thing the wrong way around, it's on top of that just ridiculous.'
'No, it's not.' Xena grabbed my arm and pulled me back down on my bedroll. 'Look love doesn't just happen every day. There was no one I really considered being my true big love in the last three years and I don't want to waist any more time '
'So ' I cut her off. ' you just want to marry me because there's no one better 'round?'
'Nooo.' She took my hands. 'I thought about what the both of us would miss. Maybe we never find someone to marry and settle down but if the both of us got married we wouldn't have to worry. Maybe, one day, when we're both tired of this life we could start a new one, together. We could settle down somewhere and we wouldn't have to do it alone, understand?'
Makes sense to me now, but back then it didn't enough to make me say yes.
'We could have a family, Gabrielle. I mean, I don't get any younger and I certainly won't give birth to another child but when I imagine some kids with your eyes and your hair and your smile I feel happy. I mean, if it's anyone's child I could love like it was my own, it's yours.' Xena squeezed my hands carefully. 'We could really have something together.'
Nice speech, but listen to her. 'You're getting way ahead of yourself, Xena. You just asked me to marry you and now you're already planning our future life with children?'
She sighed and that was the first time I actually saw the longing in her eyes. She really wanted this, I didn't know why, but she did and it made me consider her proposal.
'You said it yourself, Gabrielle, people get married because they love one another, because they want to spend the rest of their lives together now, don't we love each other?'
'We do ' I said quietly.
'Yes, we do. And for me there isn't anyone I would want the rest of my life right by my side besides you. Now, is there someone you would want around a lifetime?'
'No just you.'
Xena smiled and brought our hands closer to her body to let them rest over her heart. 'See we are meant to be together for the rest of our lives, Gabrielle does it matter in what way?'
'No it doesn't.' She was right, somehow. I know it sounded ridiculous, but it also sounded so right.
'So would you marry me, Gabrielle?'
I didn't think for long, I just nodded and hugged my friend. 'Yes, Xena, I want to marry you.'
The warrior in my arms chuckled and sighed in relief; I think this was the hardest thing Xena ever had to do. She said so herself a few moons later.
'Now about that kiss.'
She kissed me then and there, just like that. And she was good, really good, and I remember thinking in that moment that I could live with kisses like that one for a long time.
I admit, we hadn't been in love much back then, maybe a bit but I knew one thing for sure. I had never loved anyone as much as I loved Xena.
And she was right. I wouldn't want to spend the rest of my life with anyone but her. I loved her very much back then and I love her even more today. She made me happy and she makes me happy still. She was right when she said that we could have something together, because now we do.
She gave me a home, she gave me a family, she gave me all those things little girls dream of. I admit, it didn't start out like the conventional fairytale but Xena and I hardly ever did anything the conventional way.
I have a place I call home, I have a family, I have happiness. I have the knowledge that someone will be there to share all that with for the rest of my life and believe me, I will be thanking her for it for as long as this life will last.
I remember once telling someone that home doesn't necessarily have to be a place; home can also be a person. I didn't know that myself before I met Xena. She showed me what a home really is though she didn't know what it meant herself either then.
I remember us talking about the questions we both had and still have. Xena said to me that it didn't matter how we were searching for the answers, as long as we did it together. She was right. I realized that I'm glad I had all those questions because they sent me on a quest, on a path, on a way. The answers don't really matter that much because all that counts is that those questions led me here; to this place I call home, to this woman who is my home, to this life I cherish so much.
The way is what truly matters; the path you walk on through life and the people you meet along it, the places you visit, the feelings you share. The impression you leave behind on this world and on the people, that's what means the most, at least to me.
The journey is what truly matters, not where it ends.
The journey, yes. Believe me, our journey isn't over just yet, because there are still so many more answers to find for Xena and I. And we'll look for them together.
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