Letters
By ralst
Dear Lieutenant Torres,
The Captain has suggested I write to you about my concerns as a means of alleviating our strained working relationship. I believe it is futile but she is my commanding officer so I am forced to comply. She also threatened to sing if I didn't. So I will thus list for you the main areas of my dissatisfaction with our interaction.
1. You continually fail to acknowledge my superior ideas.
2. You use threatening behaviour when I prove you wrong.
3. You never offer to share your banana pancake with me.
4. You call me derogatory names in front of the engineering team.
5. You are irrational.
6. You are overly emotional.
I have chosen to limit my points to just these six, as the Captain warned me against being overly specific and I fear she may indeed sing if I list the full one thousand and forty-six points.
Yours cordially
Seven of Nine.
Seven
Get over yourself you annoying little ice maiden and stay out of my engine room.
Torres
P.S. I don't share my banana pancake with anyone.
Dear Lieutenant Torres,
After due prompting by the Captain, I managed to endure two bars of 'Send in the Clowns' before capitulating. I wished to reopen discussions regarding our working relationship and its effects on efficiency. I have been led to believe that my previous mail to you might have been received in a negative manner due to my inexperience in expressing myself in the written form. I will thereby delete any further mention of point 3 and the consumption of banana pancake. In its place however, I would like to add your disrupting habit of smelling so wondrous. I hope we can work on these points in a non-confrontational manner.
Yours cordially
Seven of Nine.
Seven
The Captain paid me a visit today, she started with the chorus of 'Delilah' and to stop the blood from oozing from my ears, I agreed to correspond with you regarding our working relationship. I still don't want you in my engine room.
Torres
P.S. You think I smell nice?
Dear Lieutenant Torres,
You smell heavenly.
Yours
Seven of Nine.
Seven
Is this flattery some Borg plot to get me to open up to you? You think I'll be less likely to throw your shapely behind out the door if you throw about a few compliments? I wasn't born yesterday, I know you probably never even noticed how I smell, just put it in because it's something you learned in one of the Doctor's social lessons.
Torres
P.S. Stay out of my engine room.
Dear Lieutenant Torres.
Your scent is hard to describe in mere words, it carries with it a mixture of rose blossoms, fresh country air and a musky aroma that is purely you. It is intoxicating. I did not mention the aroma to flatter you, I simply wished to point out the detrimental effect it has on my logical capabilities when I am near you.
Yours
Seven of Nine
Seven
I could wear a perfume to mask the smell if it bothers you.
B'Elanna
No Don't
Seven
Seven
I have been reviewing your earlier points and think we should arrange to meet in person to discuss them more fully. Perhaps if you are free this evening we could meet in my quarters, at say 2000 hours.
B'Elanna
P.S. I can replicate us some dinner, possibly banana pancakes, if you hadn't already eaten.
Lieutenant Torres,
I shall be there at eight.
Seven.
Dear Captain Janeway.
Lieutenant Torres and I have managed to reconcile our differences as regards our working relationship. I therefore think it unnecessary for you to send either of us any more singing duty rosters. We would also like to request a change in living arrangements be registered for our personnel records. In so much as we are currently residing at the same venue.
What she means is, we've moved in together.
Yours cordially
Seven of Nine and B'Elanna Torres
To the member of the T/7 pool,
The person who bet the nearest to three years two months and four days will be the winner. Judges decision is final.
Kathryn Janeway
The End