DISCLAIMER: I don’t own Xena. No profit is being made from writing this story.
ORIGINAL AUTHOR'S NOTE: and Spoiler Warning: This is set after the Season 5 episode “Fallen Angel.” Character death is mentioned as in the Season 4 episode “Ides of March.” Previous romantic relationship between the characters is NOT assumed. Is that specific enough for you?
KERRY'S NOTE: So, this was written about a year ago –ish as part of a LJ Sapphic Challenge, so there is a direct Sapphic quote in there. Anyway, Aeryn decided she liked it. I don’t have time to finish it, so she got the job. She has my sole permission to do with the original story as she wished. No plagiarism.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
Living For Something
By Kerry Marks and Aeryn Ryker
Not a word was spoken. We walked aimlessly with no destination, simply trying to get as far away as possible from the place that produced our deaths. Xena and I were still weak; after all, a candle mark had not yet passed since we came back from the dead. The ground beneath our feet was still frozen indicating that we were still high up in the mountains.
Glancing around, I would have laughed had I not been so weak. Our group was so pathetic looking. Behind me was Joxer, Gods love him; he looked so sad. It was as if he still didn't believe we were alive. I can only imagine the pain he went through. Amarice had given up her tough Amazon act and just remained silent, obviously deep in thought. I could only hope she was reevaluating her path. Perhaps, she would no longer charge head strong into a quick fight as she does so often. Eli was in front of us all. He held his head down and every so often I could hear him whispering his prayers. He held doubts as to whether or not he had actually brought us back, but I could see a truly enlightened expression on his face. His path was bringing him so close to nirvana, yet his doubts left him so far away from truly grasping it.
And then, there was Xena. Had there really ever been a time when we had not walked beside one another? Her usual tan had turned into a pale color that put Joxer's white face to shame. Her black locks made so much darker by her color. She looked so frail.
"Xena, where are we headed?" I asked her quietly.
"Amphipolis. I feel this urge to hug my mother and spend a bit of time there. You should go back home yourself; it's been so long since you've seen your family." She suggested. It irritated me.
"You're my family, Xena. We can stop there after we are done in Amphipolis; it would be nice to see your mother." We were still speaking softly, keeping our conversation private.
"I'm sure you need some time alone after all this, to think about what you want to do with the rest of your life." She said dejectedly.
"DAMNIT Xena, NO!" I yelled. "How many times do I have to tell you that I will always be with you? Potidea is not my home, it never was. My home is with you, Xena!" I yelled.
Eli spoke up, "I think we should go on ahead and let these two alone for a while. We will meet up in the next town."
The other two were quick to follow Eli's instructions and were all too quickly out of sight leaving us with our heavy burdens.
"Gabrielle, maybe it won't be so bad now. Maybe you would like to settle down now. You've had your adventures; but you've been to Hades and back. Maybe it's time to move on; become a full time writer away from all the danger." I'd rather stay in one place as we have this conversation, but it's so damn cold and we are still so close to where we had been crucified. I stormed off, but Xena followed close behind.
"Would you damn me to a life that would make me so unhappy?" I asked angrily. "If you want to be alone, just say the word! It's not like I haven't had offers back in Amazonia. If I would settle down anywhere, it would be as queen of my tribe!" I continued to yell, as I walked even quicker down the road.
"What do you mean you've had offers?" I'm surprised that she cares and I roll my eyes at her.
"Please, Xena. Are you really that dense? You don't think that you're the only one the girls look at when we stay there, do you? I'm not that naive anymore, I can tell the women are attracted to me."
"I wasn't saying that, Gabrielle. I meant by who?" She asks much calmer than I would have expected.
"Why do you care? You just want to find out who so you can dump me with them and go on your merry way." I've started walking a little faster in my anger but she easily keeps with me, stride for stride. Damn her long lags. I know I sound like a child, but I don't care; I'm pissed.
"No, I realize that most of your tribe would give their left tit to be with you but they're all too respectful in your presence. I was just wandering who had the nerve to offer a joining." She said this with a look in her eyes that I just can't place. Jealousy?
"Well, if you must know, Ephiny was the only serious offer. The rest were just looking for a warm royal body to add to their conquests."
"And why didn't you take her offer?" In her next stride she steps closer to me, but I wasn't sure if it was consciously.
"Maybe I still had some adventures I wanted to have. Maybe I didn't think I had enough stories in my head yet. What do you care?" I said angrily. On the cross, she said I was the best thing in her life, that even in death we would be together. Now she was trying to pawn me off on an Amazon.
"Is that the only reason?"
"No." I said honestly, not looking at her and stepping away from her closeness.
She stops me by putting a hand on my shoulder. She looks in to my eyes as she says, "Then what?"
"Xena, 'even in death we will be together.' Isn't that what you said? Did you actually mean it, or was it just the nails in your hands and feet talking? You even tried to drag me to hell with you, but now you're trying to get rid of me. I just don't get it."
"Why do you stay with me, Gabrielle? I've gotten you killed, or almost killed, the Gods know how many times. You will never have a real, fulfilling life as long as you're with me. Why, Gabrielle?" She asks with tears in her eyes. I can count the number of times I've seen her cry on one hand.
"Because I love you, Xena. Because you've helped make me the woman I am today. Because you are as much a part of me as anything. Because if we were no longer together I would feel as if a part of my soul was gone. I have died once with you, and I would die another hundred deaths, each more horrifying than the last, just to be with you."
"And I would do the same Gabrielle. A lot has happened in the past five years, but that fact has never changed. It has only held stronger. I would die for you a hundred times over, just to be with you."
"But Xena, could you live for me?" I asked her seriously.
"What do you mean, 'could I live for you?'" I heard the complete confusion in her words.
"Death is easy, Xena. Death is simple. It is an end; an absolute. Death is certain and uncontrollable. Life, however, is complex. It's rough and rigid. It's difficult to no end and its complete uncertainty makes it that much more difficult. You love me in death, Xena, but that's the easy answer. Could you love me in life?" I asked.
"Spoken like a true bard. You must realize that as a warrior, we do not live for life; we live for that one true death. The ultimate, honorable death that will complete our path. Life is hard for me to live for, Gabrielle. But you, you are so intertwined with my path. I cannot live without you; my life would almost certainly end. But to live for you, Gabrielle…To love you in life and in death…Yes I could love you, because I always have."
I stopped us both and did something that surprised us both. I grabbed her head, pulled her down and kissed her. When she pulled away to look at me I could see a smile in her eyes.
"What was that for?"
"Because, Xena, I love you. And I think it may just be about time I start showing that love to you."
"And how do you propose to do that?" she said cocking an eyebrow in interest.
"Well, we've traveled down far enough that it's starting to get a lot warmer. I figure the next clearing that we find I'll show you what other uses this bard has for her tongue other than words." I think my abrasiveness shocked her as she missed a step and almost fell over. I just laughed and kept going.
Half a candle-mark later, we found the perfect place to make camp. A few hundred feet from the road, I'll never know how Xena spotted the large clearing. We walked towards the clearing and in it a horse meadow had come to bloom with spring flowers like honey was blowing. It was starting to get dark, so we gathered some wood and started a fire on the edge of the meadow. Mountain grasslands always took my breath away, this one was no exception.
"So, about that tongue of yours." She asked randomly. Leave it to Xena to have a one track mind.
I laughed. Then I took her breath away.
The End