DISCLAIMER: The characters Xena: Warrior Princess and Gabrielle are owned by Renaissance/Universal Pictures. No copyright infringement is intended. This is an original story, other than the use of the main characters. This story contains sentiments of love expressed between partners of the same gender, so if this offends to not continue to read.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Feedback and reviews are most welcome and encouraged. They would be much appreciated, thankyou and enjoy the story. You can contact me at lucy.winchester@hotmail.com
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
Midnight Confessions
(Series of Subtext Scenes)
By Lucy Winchester
The first is purely from Xena's perspective, as she longs to openly love her bard.
Midnight Confessions
I glimpsed at her sweet face one more time before she shut me out for the night. I inquired gently if she was comfortable and wanted anything from me…hoping…wishing…that the words in my dreams would come true and she would ask me to stay. Instead she smiled and reassured me that she was fine. I wished her goodnight and her sweet face was then replaced by the darkness of the night, as she turned away from me.
As I lay there staring up at the night sky, I couldn't seem to be able to drift off to sleep. A sense of awe and anticipation filled me, keeping me awake, knowing that the bard that I loved, was laying only a few metres away from me. Although so close, yet still so far from her affectionate touch. I listen out for any noise that would reassure me of her presence. I took comfort in the thought that maybe she would be afraid or needed me to console her through the night. With that thought I felt her come near me, kneeling down before me, gesturing for entrance into my welcoming bed. As I lifted the blankets of the bedroll allowing her to enter, I instinctively wrapped my arms around her to comfort her troubled thoughts. Innocently embraced at first, then she began turning in toward me, realising that she wanted more. This intimate embrace shocked me at first, as my yearning for this moment had finally come to fruition. My arm was still lovingly draped across her body, as she admitted her love for me, and I in return admitted mine. With such sentiments her arm wrapped itself around my waist, drawing me closer to that sweet face, which the moonlight graced only for me to see. As our lips met for the first time, a warm sensation filled me. I tried to express all the feelings I had for her in that one gentle kiss. It was long…sweet. Was it real? Had it finally come true?
I open my eyes and find that the lips that were touching mine were no longer there. Were they ever there? The space beside me was cold, as if untouched, frozen. Never to be rekindled again. Disappointed at the untruth that my subconscious taunted me with, cruelly let me envision… let me embrace…let me smell…taste. At that thought I heard the rustling of blankets that were only a few meters away. This reassured me, comforted my soul. Although she wasn't next to me…she was at least near. At that thought I finally drifted off to sleep.
Written from Gabrielle's perspective, as she is finding it rather difficult to keep her feelings for her warrior concealed.
Embrace
It was time for us to depart… I hated saying goodbyes, especially to her. They consisted of brief moments of affection, which varied from a kind glance to a friendly touch. This particular goodbye happened to be an embrace…the worst of all. Normally a simple embrace should evoke joy, a happiness shared between a pair, a gesture to remember the other by until they met again. But when I embrace Xena, it only causes a sensation of longing…and desire within me that I know can never be fulfilled.
The moment had come, where the space between us was to be filled, and we were to unite. She made the first move, approaching me with a warm loving smile that I instinctively returned, producing a unique grin…only for her eyes to see. In response I mirrored the gesture and proceeded in moving closer, anticipating the few moments of delight that I could securely indulge in. We came together as one, as she wrapped her arms around me, and I inturn encircled my arms around her back. Both of us gently pressed the other into a deeper clasp, tentative of the appropriate amount of time that we should spend united. All I knew was that I never wanted to let go, the rising heat between our combined bodies had already started to settle.
That moment of sweet bliss, turned to sorrow as we divided. I yearned to look into her piercing blue eyes, but I did not dare as it would inspire me to return to her protective hold once more… something that I knew was not possible without conveying my true sentiments…
This time I felt I held on just a little bit too long, for her to become curious of my affections that I held for her. I pray to the Gods that the next goodbye will just be a friendly smile…a tender wave... I pray for something less painful, anything but that… I fear that if it happens again I won't be able to let go. Even an affectionate touch has begun to taunt my fondness for her…which resides deep within my soul…A love so safely embedded within my spirit, which only I will ever have access to. Its veiled nature has become a part of me…a curse that will never be shared…
When we broke apart the warmth between us lingered, but soon left….unknowing when I would feel that cherished warmth between us again that would soothe the love within me...I'm still waiting…
Written from Gabrielle's perspective.
Sometimes…
Sometimes…I make myself hate her. I try and distance myself from her touch, from the sound of her voice. I suppose I think that by avoiding her, then maybe…just maybe I'll be able to find peace. Until I realise that peace can only be attained with her love…her friendship and her constant presence.
Sometimes… she wraps her arms around me from behind. Gently drawing me into a false sense of security. Her measure of affection surprises me. I dare to savour the rare moment and simply pass it off as a mere display of affection…from a friend…oh but ever so wanting it to be more… I'm only to be released again, not knowing if I will ever return to such a feeling.
Sometimes…during the night she unconsciously drapes her arm around me. As I am desperate for her touch and the warmth that her contact inevitably brings, I leave it encircled around me until morning. I lightly caress her hand with my own, savouring the chance, for a moment of undetected affection, innocently soothing my own wishes. Although I'm unable to sleep the rest of the night, I would be wasting these precious sensations by sleeping through the embrace. As morning dawns and my warrior soon begins to stir, I gently lift her arm away, in an effort to avoid intimate contact while she's conscious.
Sometimes…through a smile…or a shared glance, I can see more from her. Is she purposely letting me see more? Maybe wanting me to respond in such a way that… It's likely that my own yearning and desire for her allows me to see what is definitely not there. Although I still let myself believe…and hope that the love I see in her eyes…is for me, and only for me.
Finally both Xena and Gabrielle admit their love for each other. Enough with the teasers!
Shield
"What in Zeus name has been up with you lately? It's as if you're pushing me away and you won't tell me what I've done." Gabrielle stepping forward, in a desperate motion.
"You haven't done anything! You never do anything…it's just me okay and if you don't like that why don't you just leave me!" As Xena turned away, as if to further mask her emotions.
"Haven't you got it by now?" Slightly enraged as she turned the warrior's body toward hers once more. "You can't keep trying to push me away, when will you ever understand that I'm here to stay with you. I will always be here." As she gently reached to take her friends hand in hers.
Xena found comfort in the bards touch, almost giving herself into the moment, then abruptly letting go, not wanting her emotions, her true feelings to surface, burying them deep inside where it was safe. "You're hurting me! Don't you understand that?"
"What have I done to hurt you?" As she took a step closer, yet Xena also followed suit and took a step away, as if the distance between them was crucial in order to keep her composure.
"You know I never want you to leave me…but…all you have to do is look at me, and I feel as if I'm suffocating! I lose control… I'm so vulnerable to you…" As she stared into her friends eyes, startled at the confession of her last sentiment, and embarrassingly tried to walk away.
Gabrielle unable to take any more of this, swiftly approached the warrior, standing before her in a desperate action, and placing both her hands on either side of Xena's cheeks, securing her, and not allowing her the option of a quick escape.
"No more of this! Do you hear me? I want you to tell me what you're feeling!" Her hands began to lower, as they came to rest on her Xena's shoulders as tears started to flow from her friend eyes. "Please let me in." As Gabrielle gently wiped the tears from Xena's face, yet she dared not to break eye contact with her dear friend. At that statement Xena's head lowered and found its place on Gabrielle's shoulder, as she felt the warrior's body lose its strength beneath her. Gabrielle doing her best to support the warrior, guided them both to the ground, as she cradled Xena in an affectionate embrace. Whilst Xena's head remained buried in Gabrielle's shoulder, as if shamed…hiding herself from her friends piercing green eyes.
After a few moments Gabrielle pulled Xena away from her shoulder, as she stared into a now frightened face. Her cheeks had turned bright red, raw to the touch, as Gabrielle beckoned for some form of explanation, she lightly stroked the side of the warrior's face.
"Xena please…"
A defeated sigh escaped from Xena's lips as she knew that she could no longer suppress her emotions that were suffocating her.
Xena raising her right hand and placing it firmly on Gabrielle's shoulder, slightly gripping it as if to gain some form of confidence for what she was about to say.
"You could never hurt me intentionally…I just can't handle all these emotions, I find it better to just suppress them and that way –"
"Xena…" She said in a tone that willed her friend to continue with her true feelings.
Xena's grip on her friends shoulder became much firmer. "You know some days, just the knowledge that I would see your face in the morning, gave me strength…that's the power you have over me."
"You know that I –"
"Just wait. I need to say this now or I'll never be able to… Gabrielle…I love you…I've tried to bury these feelings for you but they just won't go away! There were times where I thought I was going to go mad…but I can't help it anymore…I'm in love with you…"
Gabrielle was in awe of the confession that lay before her. Her dear friend that she was holding had just shown her deepest thoughts that were formerly kept safe and hidden in her soul… Gabrielle's hand now delicately touched Xena's left cheek. She was unable to answer the warrior with words; instead she gently leaned forward, placing a delicate kiss on the warrior's lips.
Pulling away from the kiss and looking into Xena's eyes which now conveyed her state of shock, at what had just transgressed between the pair.
Gabrielle moving her face and meeting her own cheek with Xena's, softly whispered into her ear. "I love you too…I always have…and I always will."
In awe at what she was hearing Xena, moved her cheek away from the woman she loved, in an attempt to see the truth and love that filled her green eyes. Knowing that statement to be true, she gently expressed her delight of hearing such sentiments from her bard, by kissing Gabrielle much more avidly than before, that surprised them both. The need to be closer to each other overwhelmed them at that moment, allowing their love to be expressed in that one kiss. As they both pulled away, they both gasped for air as their passion had left them breathless.
A smile had formed on Gabrielle's face which was soon mirrored on Xena's.
"I've dreamt of this kiss before…but upon awakening I hated myself for letting me envision something that I would never be able to experience. I'm sorry I never let you know how I felt sooner, but I never knew you would feel the same." Xena then placing her hands on the bard's shoulders and pulling the bard into a most welcomed embrace.
"It's as much my fault as it is yours…at first I had this sensation that I always needed to be close to you. And if I wasn't with you I was thinking about you. It was then that I knew that I wouldn't be able to live another day of my life without loving you. And I was prepared to do that whether I had you in my arms, as I have now, or whether it be from a distance…even though it surely would have slowly killed me."
Xena hearing the adoration in her bards voice, and wanting to reassure the woman that she loved that this was in fact real, and that no loving was to be done from a distance, took hold of Gabrielle's lips once again. Gabrielle began to wrap her hands around her warrior's back in order to deepen the kiss, as their bodies pressed together finally breathing as one.
The End