DISCLAIMER: Not a single, solitary thing to disclaim.

Ms Friendly
By ralst

"Annie, whatcha doin'?"

"I'm trying to lower the seat."

"Why? I mean, if you get it any lower you won't be able to see over the dash."

"I don't plan to drive like this, stupid."

"Then why are you lowering it? And don't call me stupid, idiot."

"I was chatting with some of my friends on the Internet last night and it seems that I'm the only one who's never had sex in a car."


"I'm a car virgin - according to Supertramp3"

"Supertramp? You actually listen to someone called Su... Hold on, do you mean you actually want to do it in the car?"

"Yes. It is a rite of passage that every..."

"Okay, lets do it."

"Excuse me?"

"I said, lets do it. You, me, car, what more do we need?"

"My boyfriend is the first thing that pops into my mind."

"Chuck? He's much too tall, you need someone under 5'7" for good car sex."


"Oh yeah, didn't Supertramp explain all that?"


"So, how about it?"

"I dunno, Izzy, I've never, you know, with a girl before."

"How old are you?!?"

"Twenty-seven, why?"

"Twenty-seven and never been with a girl or done it in a car? Where've you been living, the moon?"

"Shut up and get in the car."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Erm, Izzy, how exactly are we meant to do this? I mean, there's not a lot of room."

"The back seat, idiot."

"Oh, right. That's a lot better."

"Remind me again why I want to have sex with you."

"Don't ask me, I didn't even know you did until two minute ago."

"God, you really are an idiot."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well I've hardly..."

"Can't you undress and talk at the same time?"

"...been discrete. You'd have to be.."

"That's better, oh, the kitten undies, I like those."

"...blind not to know I fancy you."

"I thought you were just being friendly. OH! Very friendly."

"Hmmm, friendly is my middle name."

"Oh! Yeah, very, very friendly."




"What was that?"

"Nothing, get back here, Ms friendly."




"There's no way Supertramp3 is topping this."


"What? Izzy, that was amazing, she'd never beat it."

"True but that was for inside the car, what about outside?"

"Outside? You mean like in the house?"


"In the garden?"


"The shed?"

"No, idiot, I mean on top of the car."

"On top? Wouldn't we need a stepladder?"

"Not on the roof, on the hood."

"People actually do that?"

"Sure, all the time."


"God, I should have known you were a hood virgin."

"A hood... You made that up."

"Me? Make something up just to get to have my wicked way with you?"


"I'm insulted."

"When you say have your wicked way with me, how wicked do you mean?"


"Well, the hood of a car is a rite of passage really. Hurry up, the guy next door is due to arrive home in an hour."

"Yes, ma'am."



"I've just realised something."

"What's that?"

"I'm also a kitchen table virgin, bathroom floor virgin, new couch virgin, coffee table..."

"Oh dear, and them all being rites of passage type places too. We'll have to see what we can do about that."

"Thanks Izz, you really are Ms Friendly."

The End

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