DISCLAIMER: Birds of Prey and its characters are the property of Miller/Tobin Productions, Warner Brothers and DC comics. No infringement intended.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: My first BoP-fiction – take it as it is. Lyrics are from Cue – Crazy; Barry White – You're my first, my last, my everything; Roberta Flack – First time I ever saw your face.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
My Kind of Wonderful
By Jinx
Part Six – Endings
Two weeks later – Helena
Barbara kissed me – again. And now she's gone.
I thought we'd get time to talk after I woke up at the hospital – after she kissed me, but suddenly she was on her way on some school-trip I knew nothing about. She left almost without saying goodbye.
She said she'd write.
It's been almost two weeks now and I miss her terribly. Every song on the radio reminds me about her. Like the one playing at the moment:
"The first time ever I saw your face
I thought the sun rose in your eyes
And the moon and stars were the gifts you gave
To the dark and the empty skies…"
I wonder if she remembers the first time we met. I doubt it, though. I'd just been shopping with my mother and was waiting for her by the street outside the corner-shop, when a young woman with the most glorious red hair I'd ever seen started her motorbike by the sidewalk. She held her helmet in one hand, running the gas with the other and I couldn't take my eyes off her leather-clad figure. When she turned her head and looked at me she smiled and winked at me with sparkling green eyes. I think I fell in love right then and there.
"Hi, kitten," she said to me and I felt a jolt of something moving in my chest, some kind of pressure I couldn't shake. I wasn't a shy child, but at that moment I couldn't seem to think of anything to say. I only looked at her and she smiled, placing the helmet on her head. I was afraid she'd leave me so I took a step towards her, asking: "Will you take me for a ride?"
She was just about to answer when my mother stepped out behind me, placing a careful and protective hand at my shoulder. The young woman noticed her and her eyes grew veiled – her smile died. She and my mother looked at each other for a long time, before the younger woman met my eyes again. I remember the sadness and the softness of her when she said: "One day, kit-cat." Then she was gone.
"First time ever I saw your face…"
A couple of days later my mother brought me around to meet Barbara Gordon. I didn't want to go visit some boring old woman and made a fuss all the way over there, but when Barbara greeted us… I recognized her, of course, as the woman on the motorbike and I was as sweet as a lamb the rest of the day, completely captivated by her grace and her confidence. She was… I don't know what she was, but I think she put a spell on me. I couldn't forget about her and the following week I pestered my mother about seeing Barbara again until she gave in. And that's how it started. I think my mother was quite amused at my adoration of Barbara, but I don't really know what she thought about it. I guess it doesn't matter, except… I fell in love with Barbara seeing her on that bike and I've loved her ever since. What will I do if she goes back to Mike? I've waited so long for her and every time I think of that kiss she gave me when I just woke up here at the hospital I think… I think I belong to her. I think she wants me too, but I can't be sure. She said she grieved for me, but I'm not sure what that means.
I've received five letters from her already. I've read them to Dinah and we laugh at Barbara's way of describing people and situations. She's different when she writes, not as serious all the time.
I miss her. I miss her so much. Her letters are my only comfort here in my sick-bed. I read them and reread them, keeping them close to my heart while I sleep. I'm reading her last letter now, for the third time. This is a private and personal letter – I haven't shared it with Dinah. This letter gives me hope, makes me long for her – ache for her the way my heart has ached for her all these years.
"Helena – this will be my last letter to you before I return home. There's so much I need to tell you… want to tell. I need to tell you about that night… You know which I mean. We never talked about it. It seems to me we never talk about anything anymore.
I'm so scared. Maybe I've lost you already – I don't know.
I miss you. I miss your smile, your laughter… I miss the way you tease Dinah in the mornings, the way you make me laugh… I miss your voice and your beautiful eyes…
I miss that night, wanting to hold you close again. I don't know what you think about that. I hope… I hope I'll find the courage to tell you how much I care about you when I see you the next time – I don't want to do it via letter.
Just know this, Helena: that night – it was the best night, ever. If I could give my life to feel you like that again just one more time… I would."
"Helena?"
Dinah brings me some food and I fold away the letter, not wanting Dinah to ask about it. She does anyway.
"New letter?"
"No – old one. I just… I just miss her," I admit and see the compassionate expression in Dinah's eyes.
"You love her deeply, don't you?" she says and I nod, with difficulty. She arranges the tray for me on the bed, seeing that everything is within my reach. "You should tell her."
"I'm scared, Dinah," I say. "Loving her scares the hell out of me. What if she…"
"Stop it." She looks intently at me. "Granted, Barbara is a difficult person to make out. I don't understand the first thing about her, but you… The one thing I do know is that she'd never do anything to deliberately hurt you. She's always put you before anything else, no matter the cost to herself."
"But that's the whole point. What if she's so tired of me that she wants me out of her life…?"
"Excuses," the girl says with a snort. "Grow up, Helena. There's no 'what if' in love. You either have the courage to take a chance or you let it rest. It's all about making choices."
I look at her, wondering how and when she became so wise. I tell her so and then she laughs.
"Barbara," she says, as if it explains everything. Knowing Barbara I know it does. "I watched her with Wade. She was afraid and unsure and then hurt when his parents didn't accept her, but she didn't give in. I expect she feels something for you – she's not a woman who easily takes someone to bed… Not like you," she adds, giving me a wry look and I make a face at her. "But if she doesn't know how you feel she might think it's no use and move on… to Mike, this time. He knows about her being Batgirl, doesn't he?"
I nod.
"I like him," Dinah says, earning a baleful look from me, but she brushes it off as if it's nothing. "I think she'd be happier with him than she'd have been with Wade. Mike's a fighter and he'll challenge her intellect as well. I can understand what she saw in him."
I turn away my face, thinking of Barbara's last letter.
"All I'm saying is you need to fight for her if you want to keep her. This is a fight you can't run from, Huntress. Not if you don't want to be unhappy for the rest of your life."
I frown, knowing she's right. "Thanks, Dinah," I say softly, again with difficulty.
"You're welcome," she says with a wide grin. "Oh, and by the way – she'll be home tonight. She didn't want to tell you, as she wants to surprise you in the morning, but…" Dinah shrugs. "I'll stay with Gabby tonight," she adds with a wink. "And Alfred is at the manor…"
I look at her, and then grin. "Thanks, Dinah…"
"You're welcome." She grins before she leaves me and I lean back in bed, looking out the window and forget about my food. She'll be home tonight.
I watch from the shadows in the room adjacent to her bedroom as she makes herself ready for bed. Her radio is playing on a small table near the bed and the music drifts through the slightly open door where I'm hiding.
I wrote myself out from the hospital an hour ago against the doctor's recommendation. There was no need for me to stay – they just wanted to earn some easy money. My body is practically healed already and the other day I heard one of the doctors saying he'd never seen anyone recovering so quickly.
When Barbara moves to the bathroom I sneak inside her bedroom, keeping in the shadows. There's not much light and I have no difficulties hiding behind the door beside a bookshelf.
When she returns she's completely naked except the thin belt connecting the transmitter to her neural cord and I feel my mouth go dry. My eyes ravage her body, before I act on an impulse and quickly step forward. I encircle her waist, cupping one of her breasts in my hand. I feel her gasp, but then she leans towards me, mumbling my name. Her voice makes me tremble and I forget everything except the feel of her naked skin against my fingertips. I lift her hair and kiss her neck. She turns to me, finding and holding my gaze: asking me. I don't want to talk, but I know we must before something else interferes in our lives, dividing us again.
"I love you," I say in a rush, before my courage fails me. "I love you so much, Barbara. Please, don't ask me to leave," I beg. "I don't know how I'll live without you. It wasn't Reese I was afraid of losing that day when Wade died – it was you. I feared losing you… You'll break my heart if you marry Mike," I added, as an afterthought.
"Why on earth would I marry Mike?" she asks gently, touching my face. "Why would I marry anyone but you? You're the only one I want to spend my life with." I close my eyes, hearing her speak like this. "Forgive me for not letting you know the truth earlier," she adds.
"Me too," I say in a whisper. "Forgive me for being such an ass."
She laughs softly and I look at her. She stands naked before me and I long to touch her. "You're always being an ass. I've learned to live with it. It's you being a coward I can't stand."
She's teasing me, but she's also serious about it and I nod. "Me neither," I say. "I… I'll try not to be anymore."
"I love you," she says quietly and brushes my hair with a gentle touch. "You're my hero and I'll marry you even though you're not a man."
I blush, remembering. "Thank you," I say, not knowing what else to say.
"Will you touch me now?" she asks in a trembling voice and I give in with a soft sound, not able to hide my emotions – my need for her. "Tomorrow," she whispers when I lay her on the bed, releasing her from the awkward belt and carefully dropping it to the floor. "Tomorrow… Will you take me for a drive on the bike? It's been such a long time."
I kiss her; loving her. She knows all my secrets and everything about me. And when I look at her, seeing the depths of her green eyes, seeing her, I know I know her too. There's no fear within me now. She loves me and that's all I need to know.
The End