DISCLAIMER: Bad Girls is the property of Shed Productions, no infringement intended.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
SPOILERS: Takes place after S3 ep 16.
Never Walk Away
I walk into the club nervously. I'd never been in a place like Chix before and I hadn't been sure what to expect. It was surprisingly crowded for a mid-day. So many people had turned up to congratulate Nikki. I felt out of place and wasn't sure if I should have come. I wasn't sure if I would be welcome.
Then I see her. Tall and absolutely gorgeous, leaning casually against the bar, completely comfortable with her surroundings. She looks so elegant, head-to-toe in black Armani. My breath catches in my throat. My heart beats faster. What am I doing here? I am out of my depths. This is her world and I have no place in it. But I know I can't leave until I speak to her.
I smile awkwardly and wave when she finally notices me. I feel ridiculously out of place. She waves back, somewhat cautiously before walking towards me. Her casual grace makes me feel even more out of place.
"Hey," she says. I can see the curiosity in her eyes. She can't figure out why I'm here.
"How did you find out I was here?" she asks. I'm not sure if she's happy to see me or if she's just being polite.
I keep a smile plastered on my face. "Bit of detective work," I say, tapping the side of my nose. "I had to see you. Tell you how happy I am for you."
She nods. "It's all a bit of a dream right now."
"You'll get used to it," I hear myself say. I can't believe how polite and civil we're being, when all I want to do is grab her and never let go.
Nikki's face grows serious. "I'd never have done it without you, Helen. You know that. You stood by me when no one else gave a damn. If you knew how much that meant."
I can't believe she's standing here, right in front of me close enough to touch, thanking me again. Her use of the past tense isn't lost on me. This is an ending, not a beginning. "Wouldn't have missed it for the world," I hear myself say. I know I'm too late. She has a new life ahead of her, one that will not include me.
My eyes shift lower and my smile falters a little. I came here to tell her how I felt. I needed to say it before leaving this place, leaving her, and heading back out into my life alone.
"Nikki " I begin. Then I see her, Trish, over Nikki's shoulder. She's watching us intently. I know the truth finally. Forcing that smile back on my face was one of the hardest things I had ever done. "Look, I'd better go."
"Someone waiting for you?" Nikki asks with a smile.
"Have a wonderful night," I say to her. I smile at her one last time, before looking back at Trish. She's won. I feel the blow physically, and it practically knocks the wind out of me. I turn to leave, knowing that Trish and Nikki are meant for each other.
I step out into the bright sunshine, a sharp contrast to both the darkness of the club and my mood. I take a few deep breaths, not sure where to go or how to proceed. I had only thought of Nikki. Of being with Nikki. Now I wasn't sure what I was going to do. Empty days hang in front of me.
I see Nikki flying out of the club. My heart races. What can this mean? I feel butterflies in my stomach. I try not to let myself hope but I can't help it. She hasn't seen me yet, so I call out to her.
"Looking for someone?"
Nikki's head whips around. For once she seems to be at a loss for words. We walk towards each other, closing the gap between us.
"I thought it was a bit rude not to ask you to stay for a drink," she says with a friendly smile.
"Well, I figured if I waited out here long enough " I reply. I look at her intently, searching her face for any sign of encouragement.
"So do you want to come back in?" Nikki asks.
"I could stay for one, I suppose."
"Well, that is, unless there's somewhere else you've got to be," she adds.
Then I see it. The tiniest glimmer in her eyes. I can't give up yet. I press on. "Thomas and I split up," I say. I look into her eyes and then look away, ashamed. "I've been such an idiot Nikki."
She looks away from me, disappointment in her eyes. "I know what you're saying."
But she doesn't.
"No, let me say it." I step closer to her. I look deep into her clear brown eyes, forcing myself to continue. "Thomas is gorgeous. He's everything you would want in a man but I want a woman."
I stare deeply into Nikki's eyes and see the confusion on her face. I am unsure how she'll respond. Every inch of my body is tingling, aching to touch her, to pull her close, to never let go of her. Nikki has put her heart on the line more times than I can count, and all I've done is hurt her. In Larkhall, I always had the power. Now, it's her turn.
Finally, after what has felt like hours, Nikki starts to smile a little. She looks down and then back up at me. "We'll take things slowly," she says.
I feel my heart beat faster. I can't help but smile. "Yeah," I say. "Dead slow."
I feel her hand stroke my hair as I grab her by the lapels and pull her towards me. We kiss. Slowly. Passionately. Our first kiss in public. The first time we don't have to worry about being caught. Words still unsaid echoing in my mind. How I want her. How I need her. How I love her.
We separate briefly, aware that we're probably causing a scene snogging in the middle of a crowded walkway. She leads me away from the crowd, into a secluded doorway where she wraps her arms around me and kisses me again. Her hands wander down my back, her lips are like fire. The sound of the passing traffic all but disappears and all I can hear is the sound of my heart beating, the sound of her breathing. I hold on tight, never wanting to let her go.
I can only hope that she knows that this time I plan to get it right. This time I won't hurt her. This time I will never walk away.
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