DISCLAIMER: Crossing Jordan and all its characters are property of NBC. They are not mine and never will be.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is my second Crossing Jordan fanfic. I started to watch Pandora's Trunk pt 1 and I had an idea, so I jumped up and ran to the computer to start this fic. Months later I went back to it and forget where I was going with it. So here is the apparent finished version, which fused old ideas and new. I hope you enjoy it. All feedback, bar flames, is welcome.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
"It'll make me crazy." Jordan said, trying to make light of the situation.
Lilly grinned mockingly. "You already are."
Jordan looked shocked and hurt for a moment, then realizing the jest said, "Some shrink you are!"
"I'm your friend." Lilly smiled warmly, her belief in her statement clear in her eyes.
This fact touched Jordan in a way she hadn't felt for years. "Will you stay with me?"
"Of course." Lilly felt privileged to see Jordan's vulnerable side. Everyone at the office knew, or at least thought, that Jordan only cared about her work and the only person she'd let in was their boss, Garret Macey. However, in this instance Lilly realized how wrong they all were. Jordan was just like the rest of them human.
Jordan smiled shyly. "Thanks "
"Anytime Jordan, and I mean any time."
Jordan's smile widened. She felt that Lilly was really there for her. It was a strange feeling, something she hadn't felt since her mother had died. She knew she always had a friend to run to in Garret, but this was something she couldn't turn to him with, this needed finesse?
Jordan's opinion of sleep, 'in due time', was thrown out the window as fatigue suddenly hit her. Her mouth opened in what looked to Lilly as the longest yawn she had ever seen. She knew Jordan needed rest, and now was as good a time as any.
"You need to sleep."
Jordan looked up at Lilly with fear in her eyes. "No! I can't sleep. Not not yet."
Lilly was confused and scared herself. Jordan? Afraid? Something was definitely wrong here. "Why? What's so bad about sleeping when it's what your body is screaming for?"
It's not what my body is screaming for, Jordan thought on the sly then shook her head to get rid of the breaching thoughts. "Because "
Lilly leant forward and laid her hand on Jordan's knee. "Jordan, please, you need sleep."
"I need you." Oh, god. Please tell me I'm that tired I just thought I said that.
"Jordan, you have me. I'm right here."
"Now, will you get some sleep?"
"Only if it will keep my mouth shut," Jordan mumbled under her breath.
Jordan stood up. "Don't worry, nothing important. Do you want my bed? I don't mind sleeping on the couch."
"You will be sleeping in your own bed." Lilly emphasized, standing also.
"Where will you sleep?" Jordan turned to face her friend.
"I'll deal with that once you're sleeping peacefully." Lilly moved to push Jordan towards her bedroom.
"I never sleep peacefully " Jordan whispered softly.
Lilly stopped moving. She could see the pain in Jordan's eyes, and wished she could take all that pain away and make sure it never returned. But, since she knew that was impossible, she settled for trying to lessen it. She nudged Jordan into her room and over to her bed.
"You will tonight."
Jordan chuckled. "I'd like to believe that, but I have the last 30 odd years to say otherwise."
"Lie down." Lilly had decided she wouldn't take no for an answer and literally pushed Jordan into a sitting position, she was surprised when Jordan actually let her. She took advantage of this new found power and guided Jordan into the bed. Sitting next to her, Lilly pulled the covers up over Jordan in a caring fashion.
"Is there anything else I can do?"
"I seem to be quite fine, thanks." Jordan smirked.
"Good. Now go to sleep." Lilly ordered.
"You know it doesn't work like that, right?"
"I know, I was testing just in case."
Jordan gave a small smile then asked, "Can you stay with me for a while please?"
"Of course." Lilly smiled back.
In a silent agreement they shifted positions so that Lilly was sitting with her back resting against the wall and Jordan's head lay in her lap. Jordan curled up along the legs beside her as Lilly stroked her hair back gently. They both felt at ease and soon both fell asleep. Although Lilly drifted into slumber first, Jordan wasn't close behind her, as she had found Lilly's soft rhythmic breathing to be quite soothing.
*** 3 months later ***
There was a soft knock at Jordan's apartment door, but she wasn't in the mood for visitors. It had been a rough couple of months. First all the stuff about her mother's murder and coming to terms with her feelings for her friend. She and Lilly had always been close, but ever since the night Lilly had stayed over the dynamics had been different, at least for Jordan. She had spent countless nights lying awake remembering that night, and imagining it repetition. Because of increasing lack of sleep she had been moody and had snapped at Lilly a couple of times since, not to mention avoiding her whenever her body reacted way too much for her liking.
There was another knock, this time more confident. Although Jordan could just pretend not to be home she just wanted to get rid of whoever it was and get drunk enough to pass out. Maybe then she could sleep for more than 2 hours.
Jordan stood and stretched from her position on the couch and wandered over to the door. She didn't bother to look through the peep hole, she just unlocked the door and opened it a crack to stick her head out. When she saw who the disturber was she had to resist the urge to slam the door, lock it, and hide under the covers on her bed. It was Lilly.
Jordan didn't speak. She had been prepared for a full verbal assault, but she didn't want to do that to Lilly. Lilly didn't speak either; she just stood there waiting for Jordan to let her in. She then remembered Jordan's too stubborn to just do that.
"Are you going to let me in?" Lilly asked indignantly.
Jordan just stood there for a moment then stepped back, bringing the door with her to open just enough for Lilly to slip through. Lilly walked in and dropped her bag on the table beside the couch, which she then sat on. Jordan shut the door and went to lean on the kitchen bench with her arms crossed.
Once more they stared at each other in silence, but Lilly wasn't as stubborn as Jordan and gave in. "What's going on?"
"I don't know what you mean."
"Don't bullshit me, Jordan. I know you better than that. You know perfectly well what I'm talking about."
"Even if I did know what you meant, what makes you think I want to talk about it?" Jordan shot back.
"Because I'm going to sit here until you do. So if you don't want me here, telling me whatever it is is the only way to get me to go." Lilly folded her arms for emphasis.
"Persistent, aren't we?" Jordan quipped as she pushed away from the bench and began pacing her living room.
"Well?" Lilly said.
Jordan looked at her for a moment, and then turned away. Could she really explain to Lilly how she felt? What she'd been feeling? Would Lilly understand or run? She couldn't stand it if Lilly ran from her; she would rather push her away Although pushing Lilly away didn't seem to be working so far. Perhaps she should say something
"Do you remember that night?" Jordan asked quietly, barely above a whisper.
Lilly looked at Jordan's back. "Yes, I do."
"It made me realize things "
Lilly just let Jordan continue. This was obviously hard for her.
" about my feelings, for a lot of things, but mainly for " Jordan bowed her head. " for you "
"You mean " Lilly started, but was cut off by Jordan.
"You know what? I hate being psycho-analysed. I think you should just leave." Jordan turned and stood straight in false confidence.
"What? You can't just kick me out after saying that!"
"Why the bloody hell not?" Jordan raised her voice in an attempt to intimidate Lilly into leaving.
It didn't work. "Because you just admitted you have deeper feelings for me, if I heard correctly, and that isn't something I'd like to just forget and get over!"
Jordan huffed and stormed off into her room. She went to slam her door but Lilly was already there to block it. Jordan had never seen Lilly so animated about an argument before.
"Leave me alone." Jordan pleaded.
Using a softer tone, Lilly responded, "I don't want to, Jordan. I don't want to be anywhere else but here, with you. You're not the only one who realized things that night."
"What?" Jordan whispered as she turned around to face Lilly.
"You heard me, Pandora." Lilly smiled warmly.
"Pandora - as in Pandora's Box. Your admission opened up a whole set of possibilities, and I don't know about you, but I'd rather face them together." Lilly sat down on the edge of Jordan's bed and patted the spot next to her as a hint to Jordan to follow suit.
Jordan sat down as she said nervously, "So do you want to stay the night?"
Lilly opened her mouth to respond but Jordan added quickly, "No assumptions, just a simple sleepover..."
Lilly smiled. "I'd love to. I haven't had a good night sleep in, oh, about 3 months."
Jordan chuckled. "Me either."
"Now, will you get some sleep?" Lilly said, unknowingly repeating what she had said to Jordan all those nights ago.
"As long as you're near, I'll always get a good night's sleep." Jordan answered sincerely.
"Good. That makes two of us." Lilly smiled.
"Us " Jordan said quietly.
"Yes Jordan. Us."
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