Perchance To Feel
By ralst
Part 1
Tom sat at the mess-hall table trying to come to terms with what had just happened to him, the woman he loved, the only woman he had ever thought of settling down with and raising a family, had just ended their relationship. The hardest part for him to understand was her total lack of emotion as she told him, as if the years together had meant nothing, and perhaps for her they had. He knew that in the past he had been guilty of taking their relationship for granted, but he had tried to change, to include her in what he was doing, even to fake enthusiasm for her myriad of technical projects, but maybe it had all just been too little too late. That thought made him all the more sad, and sitting there he began to feel tears welling up at the corners of his eyes, tears that he refused to shed here, infront of everyone. Slowly standing, Tom made to leave the overcrowded room, keeping his head slightly bowed so as not to catch anyone's attention, afraid someone would say hello and he would be unable to stop the tears from falling.
On the short walk to his quarters Tom was assailed with memories of his, now past, relationship, but instead of remembering all the good times, of which there had been many, he could only recall the times they had been separate, not physically but emotionally. With him thinking everything was fine, while she was suffering unknown emotional anguish, or when he tried to get close only to come up against a wall surrounding her true feelings. All the times they had missed the signals the other was projecting, all the missed opportunities to really grow close. Stopping just outside the door to his quarters, Tom came to the realisation that she had been right to end things. As much as he loved her, it wasn't enough, they just didn't understand the others needs, and the more they tried the more they hurt one another.
Now entering his quarters, Tom left the lights off as he slumped down into his couch, the tears were now gone, replaced with a consuming sense of melancholy. For the first time in a long while he began to question the path his life had taken, the career he had sabotaged only to have it resurrected by this mistake of a trip to the Delta quadrant. The relationship with his father that had all but crumbled before his being lost, only to see a chance at rebuilding it now he was at the other end of the galaxy. Friends lost or abandoned, now replaced by others. Thinking of it he realised that being lost in the Delta quadrant had actually been good for him, good in all ways except for one, he had lost the woman he loved, and that one thing made him wish he was still in the penal colony on Earth.
Snuggling down into the seat of his couch Tom closed his eyes and gave himself up to sleep, hoping that by resting his eyes he could blank out the thoughts running rampant through his mind. But it was not to be, his dreams a succession of images, all centred on the same figure, B'Elanna.
B'Elanna lay on her bed thinking, her conversation earlier with Tom at the forefront of her mind. The look on his face as he realised what she was doing had cut her deeply, the pain she had seen reflected in his eyes almost more than she could bare, but she knew she had to be strong, so she put on a stony face and ended it, ended the longest relationship of her life. Now what she felt was numb, not sad or relieved or lonely, just numb, and it was a feeling B'Elanna had been plagued with too often over the last few years. That was part of the reason she had ended it with Tom, ever since she had found out about the death of her Maquis friends she had been unable to truly feel, even after Chakotay had intervened and saved her life, the feelings hadn't completely returned. So for the longest time she had faked her laughter and passion, trying to convince herself and others that she was fine. Then one day in engineering, while shouting at an unrepentant former borg, B'Elanna had felt it, her long buried emotions surging to the surface. It was also then that she realised it had always been that way with Seven, her emotions enraged by the slightest thing the young woman did. The one person on the ship that B'Elanna had always accused of being unfeeling, was also the only person on the ship who had managed to arouse her feelings. She didn't know why Seven effected her so, maybe it was just a reaction to her borg past, or the similarities between them that B'Elanna didn't want to contemplate, but she knew that if Seven could make her feel anger, then possibly someone else could make her feel other things, things she yearned to once again feel. So she had ended it with Tom, a man she did in many ways love, but who couldn't make her feel.
Closing her eyes B'Elanna drifted into sleep, and for the first time in a long while an emotion did start to disturb her slumber, that emotion was guilt, and it was fixed on Tom's face as she said it was over.
Seven had sat unobserved in the mess-hall during B'Elanna's talk with Tom Paris, she had watched them closely from behind an array of data pads, not close enough to hear what was being said, but still able to see the emotions colour the two faces. Her fascination with the couple's relationship had been of long standing, the reason behind it unknown even to Seven for the longest time. Then one day as she sat with the other senior officers in Sandrines, suffering one of the many social events that the Captain thought important for her re-absorption into human society, she watched as Paris leaned over and kissed B'Elanna tenderly on the cheek. For a second she thought her internal organs had malfunctioned, as a pain seemed to grip her insides and squeeze, but then she identified what it was she was feeling, jealousy. This realisation had confused Seven greatly, she knew she wasn't attracted to Tom, but the alternative, that it was the engineer she was attracted to was too strange to even contemplate. The other woman was always arguing with her, or calling her names, how could she like her? It was true she found Torres physically appealing, her trim body and well defined muscles had always captured her attention, but why would she like the annoying woman? For months Seven had dismissed what her emotions were trying to tell her, then after a conversation with Samantha Wildman about the beginning of her courtship with her husband, Seven had realised that romantic feelings weren't logical, and trying to rationalise them would only confuse matters. So now she just accepted her attraction, and watched, and waited.
Finally today she had for the first time seen something that gave her hope for a future with the other woman, a hope that was fleeting but still more than she'd had before. The look on Tom's face as B'Elanna had talked to him had been one of shock followed quickly by intense sadness. The way the usually hot tempered woman had sat solemnly head bowed as she spoke, then gently patted Tom's arm as she left, conveyed a sense of deep emotion and finality to the proceedings. A finality Seven somehow knew was connected to their relationship, and for a moment her heart soared with hope, before reality closed in and reminded her of the still near impossibility of any future relationship for her with B'Elanna.
It was as Seven sat, still watching the helmsman, that she began for the first time to consider his feelings on the break-up. The man looked lost, his eyes glazed and unfocused, his body limp in his chair, as if all the energy had been sucked out of him. Tom had never been someone Seven thought a lot about, he had at times been welcoming to her, while at others showing total disregard for her feelings, but to her he had simply been the man lucky enough to be loved by the fiery half klingon. Now she looked at him as another individual whose heart had been captured by B'Elanna, only to have her deny him that love. Seven was inexperienced in human emotions, but she thought that the loss of love must be even worse than never having it, at least she didn't know what it was she was missing. It was then that Seven wished she could comfort the man, the impulse a strange one for her, and one she didn't know how to fulfil, so she just sat watching until he left the mess-hall.
Part 2
Tom had been reluctant to re-enter the mess-hall, the memory of last evening's fateful meeting with B'Elanna was still too strong for him to not relive each moment as he walked through the doors and spotted the table where he had sat to hear his heart being broken. Yet it was for B'Elanna that he decided to enter the room, he didn't want her to think that just because they were no longer dating, that he wouldn't still stick by her as a friend, he even saw this as a good opportunity to display to the woman that he was capable of being a better friend than he had been a lover. He knew that B'Elanna had been dreading the social event, an occasion organised by the captain to celebrate the crew's achievements over the last year. The celebration was to include a commendation ceremony for those individuals who had shown outstanding achievement, a commendation that B'Elanna was in line to receive. A slight smile graced Tom's face as he remembered B'Elanna's grumbles about having the thing presented to her in front of everyone, the fiery klingon although not adverse to praise usually took the smooth running of her engines as praise enough. Now not only would she have to stand in front of everyone and be handed the small glass encased commendation, but she was also expected to give a small speech.
Looking around the rapidly filling room Tom hoped to catch sight of B'Elanna and wish her good luck, but so far he couldn't see her. A tiny part of him did wonder if she had changed her mind at the last moment and barricaded herself in her quarters, as she had threatened when he laughed at her proposed speech. No, he chided himself, B'Elanna was too much of a professional, not to mention too honourable as a Klingon, to hide.
At that moment Tom saw Harry approaching him, and although that would normally have been a good thing, today he wasn't so sure. B'Elanna had only broken up with him the night before, and he was still trying to work through his feelings about that for himself, that had been why he had avoided any mention of the events to his friend as they worked the Alpha shift together. Now he wasn't so confident about being able to keep the status of his relationship secret, there was bound to be some awkwardness between him and B'Elanna, awkwardness he hoped to soothe during the course of the evening, but it was something that Harry was sure to pick up. He contemplated whether or not to just tell his friend, but until he'd spoken with B'Elanna he didn't want to go telling others, even Harry.
"Hey Tom, where's the blushing commendatee?" Harry asked cheerfully.
"The what? You started your own language now have you Harry." Deflected Tom, he didn't want to admit that he had no idea when, how or even if B'Elanna was coming.
"Sure why not, then when we get back to Earth I can lecture at the academy, Kimtalk 101." Harry gave his friend a beaming smile and waved his glass in the air.
"Er, Harry how much of that stuff have you had," Tom pointed to the glass, "and what exactly is it?"
"Ha, ha, this is only my first glass, not sure what it is, but it's nice. Do you want some? I'll get you some, stay here." The young ensign slightly slurred then happily trotted off in the direction of the counter.
Tom decided there and then not to have any of the obviously potent brew, in his current frame of mind he could end up bawling all over the nearest person's shoulder, and he'd always hated miserable drunks. It was then he saw B'Elanna enter the room and head straight for the counter holding the drinks, he hoped she'd stick to the synthahol. Patiently he waited for a chance to speak with her, and by the way Harry seemed to be pulling her in his direction, Tom knew he wouldn't have to wait long, even if he did have to think of a way of getting Harry out of earshot for a while.
B'Elanna stood looking at herself in the full length mirror, the image it was conveying back not meeting with her approval. She tried rearranging her hair, not that there was much she could do to change it, then she started pulling at the collar to her dress uniform, cursing the designers of the torturous apparel, still the image that greeted her was unsatisfactory. It wasn't really her looks that were displeasing, most others if asked would say she looked as professional and attractive as always, it was her nagging sense of unease. Not only was she faced with the prospect of standing up infront of the command staff and a large number of the crew to make some pointless speech about the wonders of engineering, but she would also have to face Tom. The speech although not something she was looking forward to, paled in comparison to facing her jilted former lover. Her sense of guilt over Tom had been growing ever since she ended thing last night, she still knew she had done the right thing, but having to see him hurt would be very painful, and she wasn't sure she could face that right now.
Right, she had decided, she wasn't going to the stupid ceremony. She'd just call the captain and tell her she had more pressing business to attend to, no that wouldn't work, things were real quiet on Voyager at the moment and it would be obvious she was lying. She could get the doctor to send a message in excusing her participation, B'Elanna smirked, having suddenly been reminded of Harry telling her about when he was eight, and his attempt to get out of gym class. It was then that she realised how childish she was being, not to mention impractical, there would have been no way the doctor would have excused her, he would have probably just taken the opportunity to reminisce about his own experiences of talking, or singing, infront of an audience, then offered her tips on avoiding stage fright. More importantly hiding in her room would have been cowardly, not to mention illogical, she had broken up with Tom in the hopes of finding someone who would help her regain and embrace her emotions. Now here she was, running from the emotions she already had, admittedly they weren't the ones she wanted to explore, but they were valid feelings, and it was about time she started to deal with them.
Leaving her quarter B'Elanna hoped to get the evening over with as quickly as possible, her mind not on where she was going it wasn't until she gave the direction to the turbolift that she realised she had company.
"Good evening Lieutenant." Came Seven's clipped greeting.
"Evening Seven." Having dispensed with the minimum of pleasantries B'Elanna thought they had exhausted their need for further conversation and allowed her mind to wander, once again, to the subject of her upcoming speech.
"Are you looking forward to the ceremony Lieutenant?" Seven enquired.
"No," was B'Elanna's automatic response, "I mean yes, of course, why wouldn't I?" She tumbled on, wondering why it was that Seven always managed to make the simplest of questions hard to answer.
"I see," although it was obvious the former borg didn't, "I merely thought you might not be comfortable in receiving praise so publicly."
B'Elanna just looked at Seven, for someone who she had described as emotionless and cold, she seemed to have a better understanding of how B'Elanna would feel than most everyone else aboard ship, most of whom had been congratulation her and saying how excited she must be. Before she could think of a reply, or more accurately, decide how truthful a reply to give, the turbolift doors opened and the passing figures of Chakotay and Lt. Moore, joined them in the short trip to the mess-hall.
Once inside B'Elanna immediately spotted Tom, and wanting a bit of time and courage before approaching him quickly headed towards the bar, leaving a disappointed looking Seven to carry on into the room with Chakotay. Arriving by the multitude of different shaped bottles B'Elanna was soon joined by an exceedingly cheerful Harry Kim, who proceeded to pour her a big glass of whatever it was he was drinking, then pull her in the direction of Tom. From his behaviour, although slightly intoxicated, it was still obvious that he didn't as yet know of her and Tom's break-up, and for that she was very grateful. So downing her drink, B'Elanna allowed herself to be led toward her ex-lover.
Seven had sat for twenty minutes before leaving the cargo bay trying to explain to a group of very miffed children, why they could not attend the social function. The curfew Neelix had suggested for the younger children didn't seem to the young borg a valid reason for denying them access to the event. They pointed out, quite succinctly, how due to their regeneration units their sleep cycles were not the same as the rest of the crew, and as such they could attend the gathering and still not miss out on any 'sleep'. While Icheb argued that as he was to be excused a curfew he should be allowed to attend the event with Seven. Trying to employ patience and diplomatic skills she did not possess, Seven finally managed to convince them to stay in the cargo bay. She could have simply told them they had not been invited, the event being for senior officers and selected crew only, the captain wanting to keep the gathering as a sort of reward for work well done, so only those being honoured, their immediate work colleagues and the senior staff would be in attendance. This still meant that the event would be a large one, as all of engineering was invited, plus several security detachments and various other groups, so even if she had wanted them there, which she admitted to herself she didn't, they would not have been permitted.
Having made her escape to the turbolift, Seven was contemplating whether the borg custom of leaving children in maturation tanks until they were older was a good idea, when the doors open and in walked B'Elanna Torres. The other woman seemed not to notice Seven, but on first sight of the klingon Seven's pulse quickened and her mind went into overdrive trying to think of what to say to the other woman. The initial greeting wasn't exactly a work of genius, but the enquiry about the upcoming event seemed to get B'Elanna's attention, even if her answer was contradictory. From her observations of the other woman Seven thought she would loath the idea of the ceremony surrounding the awarding of the commendations, and somehow, even though she was used to B'Elanna addressing large groups of people in engineering, she couldn't see her being comfortable with spouting pleasantries to a roomful of people. Unfortunately she was unable to pursue this line of conversation as they were then joined by two others.
Seven had hoped to continue on into the mess-hall with B'Elanna, but once they had exited the turbolift she seemed to forget about the borgs existence. It was obvious that the bar and its brightly coloured bottles held more interest for the woman than Seven, so rather than follow only to be ignored, she went with Chakotay to talk with the captain.
Even as she was led away Seven kept B'Elanna in her sights, the other woman looked nervous, the way she downed her drink evidence of that. Following the klingon's gaze, Seven could make out the source of her nervousness, Tom Paris. As the other two made their way to the helmsman the former drone took the opportunity to once again study the man. He looked a lot better than he had the night before, but his complexion was still paler than usual, and as she looked closely at his eyes she could still make out a slight redness. For all that the smile he was bestowing on B'Elanna was warm and caring, even though it did seem to lack a certain lewd quality it had previously displayed. Their conversation seem a little stilted at first, but soon B'Elanna was joining the others in light laughter and appeared to have relaxed. It was then that Seven wished she could join them, and for once participate in the klingon's good mood, but she wouldn't disturb them. The night had only just begun, she would get a chance to talk with B'Elanna soon, she would make certain of it.
Part 3
Tom was amazed at the odd turns human relationships could take, here he was less than twenty four hours after being dumped by the woman of his dreams, only to find himself, along with that woman, in fits of laughter over the story of how an heroic eight year old Harry Kim had saved the world from a possible man-eating killer moth. It was, he thought, one of the silliest stories he had ever heard, and the look of eye popping terror Harry had possessed when describing the insect was nearly enough to make him loose bladder control. His young friends drunken ramblings had worked wonders to dispel the awkwardness that had at first descended on the ex-lovers, and they were now trading smirks and rolling their eyes at the oblivious Harry.
Tom watched as B'Elanna took another big gulp from her drink, the klingon's face flushing slightly with the extra infusion of alcohol. Realising that B'Elanna was drinking the same concoction that had left Harry intoxicated and babbling, he was about to warn her to go easy when the captain interrupted the small group.
"B'Elanna, its time." she said, then headed to the small dais that had been constructed at the side of the mess-hall.
With a lopsided grin the engineer obediently followed the captain, but Tom noticed her small hesitation as she attempted to negotiate the tiny step up to the side of the dais, and the way she had to steady herself with a hand to the podium. It was then that Tom decided to head towards the front of the room, he didn't know how drunk B'Elanna was, after all her tolerance for alcohol was a lot higher than Harry's, but if it looked like she might say or do anything that could cause her embarrassment he wanted to be there to prevent it.
The room was quickly filling up, and the whole complement from engineering seemed to have gathered to the right hand side of the small stage, directly infront of their chief. B'Elanna was happily chatting with Lt. Carey, who by the look on his face, found his chief's jolly demeanour more amusing than anything else. It was Vorik, standing just off to the left of Carey, who was looking at her with a raised eyebrow and the tiniest bit of condescension. It was a look that Tom strongly wanted to wipe off the young Vulcan's face, but he was saved from having to act by the timely arrival of Seven. The former borg managing to jostle the young man out of his position, and from the looks of it, step on his toe at the same time, and although he was unsure, Tom could have sworn he saw a momentary look of smug satisfaction flit across the ex-drone's face as she did so.
Tom didn't have time to wonder about Seven's motivations as the captain then called for everyone's attention, and began the commendation ceremony. Besides B'Elanna there were two others who were to be honoured today, Ensign James and Lieutenant Schwartzig, and each now took their turn to receive the captain's praise, followed by a few words of their own to acknowledge the support of their team, or commanding officer. This was all met with polite applause and good wishes from the assembled crowd. Then it was B'Elanna's turn.
B'Elanna had never before realised just how funny Harry could be, his succession of anecdotes had left her fighting for breath as her body was consumed with laughter. So it was with a sense of regret that she had to leave in order to follow the captain up to the dais, but then as the fiery liquid she had been drinking made contact with her stomach, the prospect of going up to receiving the commendation seemed like a great idea.
Stepping up on to the stage B'Elanna made a mental note to have someone in her department check the inertial dampners, as the gravitational equilibrium in the mess-hall seemed to have been compromised. Sharing a long suffering smile with the other two prospective commendation recipients, the chief engineer made her way over to the corner of the dais nearest her staff. Looking down on all her people, there to support and praise her, B'Elanna couldn't help but feel a sense of pride, and with that she had an irrational urge to give all her people a hug. The strange urge itself was enough to send her into a tiny fit of giggles, a fit that she soon managed to surpress.
Happily chatting away to Lt. Carey, B'Elanna suddenly became aware of a blue figure entering her line of sight. Looking over she saw Seven push passed Vorik to come stand at the front of the crowd, the intoxicated woman finding her eyes drawn to the curvaceous figure, allowing herself to appreciate the other woman's beauty without her usual self censure. Luckily before her overly lascivious look could be detected, the captain called for the beginning of the ceremony and B'Elanna stood back to observe events.
As the other two received their awards, the now overheating klingon couldn't stop from stealing the occasional look at Seven. The former borg was standing in her usual pose, hands clasped behind her back, head held high and blue eyes directed straight ahead. Then just as the captain started to introduce her, B'Elanna stole one last look at the blonde beauty, only to see those big blue eyes staring back at her. The normally cool engineer found herself overcome with a wave of heat, her hearts starting to beat at an accelerated rate, as her knees began to feel weak.
Shaking her head to try and dispel these strange feelings, B'Elanna began to wonder just what had been in that drink Harry had given her, whatever it was it must have been strong to be able to change her normal reactions to such a great extent. There was no-way she could be feeling attraction for the cold borg, perhaps it was just a side effect to her recent emotional upheaval, that or the drink simply made anyone who consumed it go weak at the knees at the first stunningly beautiful women they saw. B'Elanna took a deep breath and again tried to calm her racing hormones, admittedly Seven was attractive, but stunningly beautiful? She shouldn't be thinking of the other woman like that, it just wasn't normal, she disliked the drone, didn't she?
"B'Elanna?" The captain questioned.
"Hmm."
"Would you like to say a few words?" Although expressed as a question, Janeway's words were in fact just a cue for the other woman to stop daydreaming and make her speech.
"Oh right, yeah sorry." B'Elanna gave the captain a reassuring look and stepped up to the small podium to make her acception speech, a speech that was considerably shorter than the two that had preceded it, although still managing to praise the work and commitment of her loyal team.
Against her better judgement, B'Elanna found herself seeking out Seven as she made her way down from the platform, her progress hampered by the line of well-wishers attempting to congratulate her. Eventually she found herself infront of the other woman, once there she was at a loss at to what to do next, the feelings that had assailed her when she looked at Seven from the dais had returned, but her mind was uncertain, part of her wanted to reach out and take the other woman in her arms, but the rational, still sober, part of her knew, or thought it knew, these feelings were just a side effect of her intoxication. It was this sober part of the fired up klingon that was starting to grow angry with Seven, blaming the other woman for her irrational behaviour. Fortunately before the confused woman could say or do anything rash, Harry and Tom came over to join them.
Seven had watched as B'Elanna made her way up to the small stage, her movements seeming less graceful than usual, while at the same time her face displayed a more openly joyful expression than the attentive ex-borg had seen her give in a long while. Even as she registered these separate facts as signs of possible intoxication, an hypothesis strengthened by the odd behaviour of Harry Kim, who had been imbibing the same liquid refreshment, Seven couldn't stop a smile of her own spreading across her face at seeing the other woman so happy.
Surveying the people B'Elanna was talking with, Seven noticed a condescending look appear on Vorik's face, the young Vulcan's superior attitude to the klingon's intoxicated, but happy, state annoyed the overly protective former drone. Her initial reaction was to wipe the look off the man's face with the use of a well placed slap, but Seven managed to restrain the impulse, settling for deliberately standing hard on his toe as she forced him to stand back and make room for her nearer the stage, and nearer her engineer.
Trying to be unobtrusive, Seven stood close to Lt. Carey and attempted to listen in to his apparently amusing discussion with B'Elanna. Forcing herself not to stare at the enticing half klingon, Seven kept her eyes fixed on the podium where the ceremony was to take place. Then she began to experienced a strange sensation of being watched, and turning to look just caught a glimpse of B'Elanna turning her head away as the captain called for a start to the proceedings.
Seven tried hard to pay attention as the first two people received their commendations, knowing that the captain would be disappointed if she didn't fully join in the activity, but she couldn't stop her mind and eyes wandering to the half klingon. Then as the second speech was just finishing Seven looked over into the equally entranced stare of the other woman. For a moment she couldn't move, her whole body caught up in a yearning to connect with B'Elanna, just as their gazes were now connected. Then the all too brief look was broken as the captain called upon the reluctant engineer to receive her award.
Even though she stood transfixed watching B'Elanna accept her commendation, the younger woman was oblivious to the actual content of her speech, all she could think about was the look that had passed over the normally, for her at least, unwelcoming eyes. That single look had shown more warmth and want than Seven had ever before seen directed at her, from anyone, and the fact that it came from the one person on the ship she desired caused her respiration to increase and her hopes to rise uncontrollably.
As the speeches finished the nervous ex-borg watched as B'Elanna made her way towards where she was standing. The time had finally come when she could talk with the half klingon about her feelings, here surrounded by everyone, she was for the first time hopeful that her declarations would not be met with scorn or disbelief. By her very nature Seven was not a person to skirt around issues, her years in the borg collective had taught her to be blunt, often to the point of rudeness, a tendency she had tried somewhat to curtail since joining Voyager, but still her inclination on realising her feelings for the other woman had been to confront her with them, and demand a response. It had been B'Elanna's relationship with Tom that had stopped her, the twin notions of loyalty and honour had been ones she had quickly mastered, and understanding those, Seven knew that any declaration by her could only ever be declined while the honourable woman was involved with another. Now though that restraint was lifted, and even if the former borg had learnt enough over the ensuing years to broach the subject with a little more tact than to ask it the other woman wished to copulate, Seven still planned to make her feelings clear.
Tom and Harry's sudden arrival forced Seven to cut back on whatever it was she was about to say, and mixed with an annoyance directed at the two men was also a sense of gratitude. Gratitude that for an extra few minutes she could be spared the disappointment she suddenly knew she would experience when B'Elanna rejected her.
Part 4
Tom smiled as Harry went into yet another anecdote, the younger ensign had refused to change his brand of drink, and as a result he was getting closer and closer to the stage of intoxication where he would pass out in a heap. In anticipation of this Tom had decided to stay close to his friend, his previous worries about B'Elanna succumbing to the powers of the brew having lessened now she was no longer drinking. Her chatter of earlier had been replaced with a more subdued air, her eyes constantly travelling from Harry's exuberant hand gestures to Seven, who was standing by her side. Tom had been trying to determine the nature of that look, it was different somehow to the usual attitude B'Elanna displayed when confronted with the former borg, he could still detect a trace of animosity, but there was something else mixed in with it, something he couldn't quite discern.
"Tom! Tom, you wan' another drink?" Harry enquired, slapping his friend rather over zealously on the back.
"No, I'm fine thanks." Catching Seven's rather pointed look, he continued, "Maybe you should give it a rest too, hey Harry?"
"Aww come on Tom don't be a spoil sport, the nights still young." Harry then proceeded to give his friend another powerful thump on the back, making Tom wonder if he should make a quick stop in sickbay on his way home, "look, you all stay here and I'll go get us all another little drink 'k?" Harry winked at the two women, then attempted to turn towards the bar.
"Hold on there Harry," Tom just managed to grab his friends arm before he strode off towards the bar, "you stay here and keep B'Elanna and Seven company, I'll go get the drinks." At least that way he could make sure the group only received refreshment of the non-alcoholic variety.
"S'okay, I can get 'em." Harry chirped
"Ensign Kim, you have yet to finish your story regarding the tactical encirclement of enemy troops." Seven added.
"Wha'?"
"She means finish telling us about how you captured the other kids flag." B'Elanna translated, throwing her arm around Harry's shoulder she confided "I took Borg as a second language at the academy."
Harry started laughing conspiratorially with B'Elanna before resuming his tale, leaving Tom to make his way over to the bar.
Tom took the opportunity away from the group to observe his friends, Harry seemed happier and more carefree than he'd seen him in a long while. The boyishness that the younger man had in abundance when first joining the ship, had trailed away over the years, but tonight it was back in full force, and Tom realised that he'd missed it. It wasn't as if Harry had turned into a cynical grouch, but he had grown up and experienced more than his fair share of disappointments over the years. Tom then turned his gaze towards B'Elanna, the mere sight of her enough to fill him with sadness despite the hour they had spent laughing together. She was smiling now, listening intently to Harry's rambling, but still with the constant peeks toward Seven. Her look was almost flirtatious, but directed at Seven? Surely he was mistaken. Tom then looked at Seven to see if she was aware of B'Elanna's overt interest, what he saw confused him still further. The ex-borg, and supposedly emotionless ice queen, was staring at the klingon in front of her, her eyes seeming to devour the other woman's appearance, before being forced to look away. Neither woman looked at the other for longer than a second or two at a time, but there was more emotion portrayed in those seconds than he had seen displayed by either of them in a long while, or ever in Seven's case.
Tom took a big gulp of his drink, for the first time wishing he was as drunk as his friend, but even though the women's secret looks left him feeling rejected all over again, he was still happy for B'Elanna, it was good to see even a glimpse of the joy she used to have. The fact that those emotions seemed to be inspired by Seven was somewhat hard for Tom to believe, but if the former drone could evoke such a reaction then he was glad, jealous, but glad. Scooping up the four non-alcoholic drinks Tom made his way back to his friends.
As Tom got closer he saw Harry suddenly thrust out his hand in some form of demonstration, the movement proving too quick and unexpected for B'Elanna, who stumbled in her attempt to avoid being hit on the nose. Fortunately Seven was close by and managed to catch the falling woman before she could make contact with the floor, although the effort seemed to leave her short of breath.
"Are you okay?" Tom asked as he reached the group, he was kind of worried by B'Elanna's overly flushed face.
"Yeah I'm fine," B'Elanna straightened up and tried to look professional, "but I think I'll call it a night, I've a heavy workload in the morning."
"Maybe one of us should escort you home?" Tom volunteered.
"I'm not a baby Tom." The fiery klingon was back, thankfully rescuing the embarrassed woman. "I can take care of myself."
"I..I.." Tom stammered.
"I am also leaving now Lieutenant, perhaps I could accompany you?" Seven suggested.
Tom could see B'Elanna about to protest, but he wanted to make sure she got home all right, and thought giving the two women time alone might do them both some good, so he whispered to his ex-lover, "Look Lanna, if you agree to go home with Seven, then I'll be able to persuade Harry to let me walk him home. We can't let him roam about the ship in his state, now can we?"
B'Elanna was on the verge of disagreeing, but a quick look at Harry's obliviously grinning face seemed to change her mind. "Fine. Let's go Seven."
"Night B'Elanna, night Seven, pleasant dreams." Harry waved to the two.
"Night Harry, I hope your heads kind to you in the morning." B'Elanna smiled and walked off.
With Tom off to get more drinks B'Elanna found it even harder to concentrate on what Harry was saying, her gaze seemed to be constantly drawn, against her will, to the young woman beside her. In a way it was like she was seeing Seven for the first time, the borg who constantly annoyed her had been replaced, and all she saw was the woman, and a very beautiful and desirable woman at that. B'Elanna's gaze came to rest on Seven's lips, they looked so soft and inviting, it would be so easy to just reach over and taste them.
Stop it! B'Elanna scolded herself, then forced her mind to once again concentrate on what Harry was saying.
"Then Timmy, I told you about Tim, right?" Harry questioned.
"Four times now Ensign." Seven answered.
Oh Kahless! Her voice is so, so, B'Elanna tried once more to block out thoughts of the other woman, "What about Timmy?" She directed at the babbling Harry, hoping that if she listened intently enough his story would distract her. Unfortunately her request for a fifth recitation of Timmy's biography brought about a tiny sigh from Seven, and with it B'Elanna's stomach did a somersault and her legs began to tingle. This distraction momentarily caused the usually alert klingon to miss the signs of Harry's impending movement, only seeing his arm shoot out as it came within an inch of her face. Reacting as fast as she could in her present state, B'Elanna tried to dodge the blow but in so doing lost her footing.
Suddenly she was engulfed in a warm embrace, as Seven reached out to intercept her fall, the heat emanating from the former borg was a surprise, B'Elanna had always somehow expected her to be cold to the touch, but she was warm and so very soft. Then as her head came level with the other woman's neck the klingon took in a deep breath, Seven's scent infusing her already overheated body with more molten desire. Reaching down her hand slid along the fabric of Seven's biosuit as it caressed her hip, gently pulling them closer together, allowing B'Elanna to share more of that wonderful heat. Then seeing the delicate slope of the blonde's porcelain neck, for the first time within her reach, B'Elanna's lips reached up to gently graze the flawless skin, the taste of the flesh making her giddy with need.
Then it was over. The contact broken.
Suddenly becoming aware of what she had done, and to whom, the extremely embarrassed half klingon decided that retreat was in order, and quickly, before Seven could enquire, in that oh so logical way of hers, why the chief engineer had just kissed her.
Yes, a quick retreat was definitely a good idea B'Elanna decided. Unfortunately Tom decided to turn into a gentleman and offer to escort her home, the thought of having to make small talk with her jilted ex was too much for B'Elanna's rather fraying nerves and she reacted in her usual klingon way and practically bit the poor guy's head off. It was Seven's more neutral offer of assistance that truly threw her though, in her present state she knew that accepting the offer might lead to more inappropriate behaviour, but it could also give her the opportunity to try and explain away what had happened without an audience. Tom's cajoling, and her genuine worry over Harry, made up her mind, she'd bite the bulk head and let Seven escort her home.
Now, standing in the turbolift, B'Elanna wasn't so sure she had made the right decision. Seven was standing in her usual rigid pose, not even attempting conversation, leaving the klingon with no easy entry into the discussion she wanted to have. That left her with one option, bring it up herself, not something she really knew how to do, or at least do without making a complete fool of herself.
"Seven?" Came the suprisingly confident sounding voice of B'Elanna Torres.
"Yes Lieutenant?"
"I," B'Elanna found her mind failing as those beautiful blue eyes turned to stare at her, the excuses and explanations she had begun to formulate were gone, all that remained was the sight of that lovely, inquisitive, and very kissable face.
"Lieutenant, are you all right?" Seven sounded slightly alarmed, and came to stand directly infront of the other woman.
"You're." Not having the words to explain just how she was feeling at that moment, B'Elanna did what countless klingon's had done before, let her actions do the talking. Reaching up she placed her hand at the base of Seven's head and with a minimum of pressure brought their lips together, gently caressing the other woman's mouth, until the feel of strong arms encircling her body and pulling them closer, encouraged the deepening of the kiss. B'Elanna allowed her tongue to flick against the full lips, Seven's sudden intake of breath fuelling her desires, desires that now found a home in the opening and inviting mouth. All outside thought was forgotten and all that remained was the feel of Seven's body and the ever increasing demands of her kiss.
To the sounds of protest B'Elanna left the delicate lips, but was soon raining small kisses along Seven's jaw, stopping at the star-burst implant, but instead of being repulsed by this all too prominent sign of Seven's borg heritage, B'Elanna embraced it, circling the implant with tiny kisses before reaching out her tongue to taste the metal. Seven's body seemed to shudder when contact was made with her implant, her arms tightening around the other woman, and a gasp left her mouth, accompanied by three barely whispered words, "I love you."
It took a moment for Seven's words to register with the otherwise occupied klingon, but when they did it was like a bucket of ice water had been thrown on her libido. Her mind was all too quickly cleared of the overwhelming lust, and in its place was confusion, and guilt.
"Seven, I..I have to go." Quickly untangling herself from Seven's suddenly limp grasp B'Elanna ran from the turbolift.
Standing beside the young half klingon in the turbolift, Seven closed her eyes and tried to recall the feel of B'Elanna's body wrapped around her, the warmth that had seeped into her skin, awakening dormant nerve endings and sending her heart into overdrive. It was perhaps the single most exciting moment of her life, a position previously held by the sight of the Omega particle. Like the sight of perfection that had been Omega, the feel of B'Elanna's body had been all too brief, but unlike with the volatile particle Seven planned on experiencing it again, and again.
She wasn't deluding herself, she knew that the embrace had been born out of drunkenness, but even so it provided her with something she had never before experienced in her pursuit of the other woman, hope. Hope that if nothing else, B'Elanna might be just the smallest bit attracted to her, even if that attraction didn't as yet extend to anything beyond the mere physical.
Seven was unsure about what to do, her body was crying out for more contact with the other woman, but her head was warning her that it was not the right time. True the young klingon had been drinking, but her behaviour towards the end of the evening had shown no signs of drunkenness, well except for the kiss. Seven smiled again when she thought of it, but it was an indication of B'Elanna's intoxication, and as such a good reason for her not to try and extend the contact, so she remained silent.
B'Elanna's unexpected voice interrupted Seven's thoughts, and when she turned to enquire what the other woman wanted the look on the klingon's face was unlike any she had seen before. Her mouth was slightly parted, and her eyes seemed fixed on Seven's face, making the former borg worry about the possibility of mental damage resulting from the intoxicant, this worry was strengthened when it appeared the other woman had lost the ability to form full sentences.
"Lieutenant, are you all right?"
"You're." B'Elanna again never finished her sentence, but this time Seven didn't have the time to worry about her mental impairment, no this time she was too busy trying to memorise every second of the exquisite contact of those luscious lips against her own. The sensation of strong, yet surprisingly gentle, fingers enmeshed in her hair, and the feel as they began to stroke the base of her neck. However, all this soon faded into the background when she felt B'Elanna's tongue caress her lips, the shock quickly giving way to welcome as her mouth opened to deepen the wondrous kiss.
Seven's body was on fire, she had never imagined she could feel so much from the simple pressure of lips on hers, but when those lips belonged to B'Elanna Torres the feelings inspired seemed to surpass any description. So it was with disappointment that she felt B'Elanna's lips leave her own, but the feeling wasn't over, it had simply moved to encircle her star-burst implant. Seven was suddenly worried that the reminder of her borg nature would repulse the half klingon, the woman had never hidden her dislike of all things borg, so it was with an increasing sense of delight, and mounting desire that she felt her implant being caressed by a velvety tongue, before being kissed. Her mind was reeling, the feelings all too much for her to handle, and before she could begin to clear her mind she heard herself utter "I love you."
The reaction was immediate, B'Elanna practically flew from her embrace, leaving poor Seven alone and bewildered in the turbolift. The young woman just stood motionless for what felt like hours, trying to understand what had just happened. It wasn't only the klingon's behaviour she was having trouble analysing, but also her own. Why had she said that? Why talk about love? Admittedly she was strongly attracted to the klingon, and the other woman made her experience emotions that had before been unknown to her, but love? Was that possible?
Still confused Seven gave the turbolift the command that would take her home. The walk to the cargo bay giving her time to replay all that had happened since arriving at the commendation ceremony, but no matter how many times she replayed it the events refused to make sense. The lieutenant had kissed her, not once but twice, surely that must mean she felt something for Seven, but what? And what should she do next?
Part 5
Having reached her quarters in record time all B'Elanna wanted to do was climb into bed and try and forget the entire evening had ever happened. Unfortunately sleep wasn't so easy to come by when her mind was busily replaying certain events over and over. The look in Seven's eyes when B'Elanna reached out to kiss her, the feel of her lips, the warmth of her body.
Thud!
The now very annoyed and sleep deprived half klingon got up to retrieve the pillow she had thrown against the wall, too bad it had met one of her few personal momentos on its trajectory and left the item in three pieces spread over the floor. She should just send the thing to Seven and demand she repair it, after all it was really all her fault, if she'd only left B'Elanna's thoughts for a few minutes she wouldn't have thrown the stupid pillow in the first place. Yeah, all of this was Seven's fault, if she weren't so damn alluring none of it would have happened.
Having apportioned blame B'Elanna got back into bed and tried once more to sleep, but again thoughts of Seven made it impossible. She saw again how she alone was responsible for the first kiss and how it was her and not the former drone who initiated the second, and would have done a lot more if Seven hadn't told her she loved her. That was it really, not the kiss but the words of love. Kissing Seven she could easily blame on the alcohol or even her loneliness, but that couldn't explain why the other woman would say she loved her.
Love? How could Seven love her? They fought all the time and hardly ever managed a civil word to one another. No love wasn't possible, not that she didn't think Seven capable of the emotion, she did, but directed towards the children or as a friendship with the doctor and captain, but not romantic love. Maybe the inexperienced woman had just thought it the appropriate thing to say, after all most holo-novels and other forms of romantic fiction always had the couple declaring their feelings after the first kiss or having consummated their.
Stop!
She wasn't going to think of that, the realisation that if Seven hadn't spoken they would most probably have ended up in this room, together, with the last thing on either of their minds sleep, was not something B'Elanna could deal with now. Not that the thought wasn't pleasurable, but she knew that the anguish she was experiencing from a kiss would have been tripled if they had actually made love. 'It would have been worth it though', a small part of her mind piped up before being buried deep within her psyche.
No it was best forgotten, she had become drunk and mad a fool of herself that was all, she'd done it before and would no doubt do it again, and as with all such occasions you simply disregarded them and moved on. Fortunately no-one else had seen the display in the turbolift, so all she had to do was tell Seven to forget it and everything could go back to normal.
'But what if she really does love you?' That small part of her mind piped up once more from where it had been banished. She doesn't! 'How do you know?'
"Aaarrrrrgggggggggggg!!!"
The pillow managed to knock over a glass this time, luckily it didn't sound as if it had broken.
"She doesn't love me!" B'Elanna shouted to her empty room
'But do you love her?' Her thoughts persisted.
I, I, B'Elanna just sat at the foot of he bed trying to understand why the answer to that question wasn't easier to find. She couldn't love Seven, could she? It was impossible, ludicrous, stupidity...but somehow it also felt right. Seven was the only one who had managed to engage her emotions fully since she had learned of her Maquis friends death, but those emotions were usually negative, but tonight her feelings had been far from negative, but they weren't love, lust yes, but not love. So no she didn't love Seven...that settled she tried again to sleep.
'But could you love her?'
B'Elanna gave up on sleep and while contemplating going to see the doctor to check for signs of a developing multiple personality problem set about tidying her quarters.
Still the little voice continued...'could you love her?'
"I don't know!!" The klingon bellowed to the walls, at this rate she thought her neighbours would call out the doctor for her.
'Could you love her?'
"Yes all right. Yes! I could love her."
Silence.
Seven of Nine the calm, collected and emotionless former drone paced back and forth infront of her alcove, trying frantically to review all the data she had collected on human and non-human mating rituals, and whether or not the engaging is said ritual, namely kissing, could result in involuntary speech. It was she thought the only explanation for her declaration of love, an inbuilt physiological condition that pre-programs all beings with human DNA to utter sentimental rubbish when they are sexually aroused. It would certainly explain how many humans confused sex with love, and why many of their relationships failed, the words once spoken are thought to be genuine by the hearer and often by the speaker, leading them to further their relationship which can then only end in disaster. Yes, that was it, perhaps she should collaborate with the doctor on a research paper, and then they could deliver it to the crew, thus saving her collective from undue strain and disharmony.
Seven turned toward her alcove and prepared to enter her regeneration cycle, but then she remembered the look on B'Elanna's face when she heard the 'I love you', it had been one of shock and something else Seven couldn't quite identify. Surely if her own response had been a normal human one, then the half human would have heard such things before and have been prepared for them. Perhaps her klingon DNA in someway interferes with the mating ritual, but then how would that explain her relationship with Tom Paris?
Seven left her alcove and resumed her pacing, her hypothesis had been in many ways ingenious but even given human ignorance it was not something that would have been overlooked, and yet in all her research and lessons with the doctor she had heard no mention of it. So why had she said it? Seven had been aware of her attraction to B'Elanna for sometime, but love? She wasn't in love with the woman, at least she didn't think she was. Trying to clear her mind Seven began examining the children's alcoves, making sure they had all entered the correct regeneration time and there were no problems with the units. Standing infront of Mitzoti she noticed a stray lock of hair had come loose to fall across the child's left eye, with the gentlest of touches Seven brushed the girls hair back, an unconscious smile gracing her face as she did so. Standing back to once more look at the children she acknowledged that what she felt for them must be love, and even though they sometimes annoyed or frustrated her she never lost the love she had developed for them. Therefore if what she felt for the children was love, then her feelings towards Lieutenant Torres could not be, as the nature of those feelings were totally dissimilar.
Again, however, she knew her theory was flawed, the Captain had said she was experiencing maternal feelings towards the children, and as such that form of love could not be compared with the romantic form. The problem Seven was experiencing was that she had nothing to compare her feeling for B'Elanna with, the half klingon had been the first person to raise such feelings within her, so how was she to know what they were?
Seven began analysing her reactions to the chief engineer, looking for any sign of a deepening emotional connection, even though she was unsure what sort of sign to look for. She was physically attracted to the Lieutenant, and wished to pursue a physical relationship with the other woman, but they continually argued and had very few pleasant social interactions, so surely her reactions could be categorised as purely physical, lust not love. However, when B'Elanna had first kissed her at the ceremony she had wished that the Lieutenant's possible attraction went deeper than the mere physical, now why would she wish such a thing if her own feelings didn't run deeper?
The former borg was confused, and she strongly disliked the feeling, but without more data to work from she couldn't fully understand her own actions, and the only way to gain more data was to further interact with Lieutenant Torres. Unfortunately she was unsure if the Lieutenant would allow any more contact, infact if her speedy departure was any indication, she no-longer wished to have anything to do with Seven.
Seven sighed, now not only did she have the problem of whether or not she loved B'Elanna, but if she did, how could she get the other woman to share those feelings?
More confused now than when she had entered the cargo bay Seven stepped into her alcove and started her sleep cycle.
Part 6
B'Elanna looked up from her console in engineering as the sound of the main doors opening. For the last four hours she had been on tender-hooks expecting Seven to suddenly arrive and ask about her sudden departure the night before, or worse still to say nothing and act as if the kiss in the turbolift never took place. At the same time part of the half Klingon was anxious to see the other woman, if for no other reason than to see if her attraction was still as powerful now the effects of the intoxicant had fully worn off, she suspected they would be. So it was with a sense of gratitude and disappointment that she realise the person entering was Tom Paris.
"Hi Lanna, how you feeling this morning? The head okay?" Tom asked in an overly cheerful manner.
"I'm fine thanks Tom." Tapping her forehead ridges she smiled back at the helmsman. "Takes more than some Delta quadrant moonshine to effect me."
"You say that now, but last night it seemed to have a quite potent effect." He teased.
"Don't know what you're on about." B'Elanna hoped he hadn't seen the first fleeting kiss she'd given Seven in the mess-hall. "So did you want something or do you just plan on loitering in my engine room all day?"
"Its the senior staff meeting in ten minutes, I thought I'd just escort you that's all." Tom tried putting on an innocent look, as if it was usual for the Chief Engineer to need an escort around her own ship.
"Okay." Tapping a few more buttons she turned to Vorik at the next workstation and handed over command to him for the duration of the meeting. "Right Tom lets go."
Exiting the engine room B'Elanna began to worry about what the real reasons might be for her ex's sudden interest in escort duty. Even though the two had managed to spend a pleasant and for the most part tension free evening together the night before, she was still feeling very guilty about dumping Tom and dreaded being reminded of the pain she had caused him. But if Tom needed to talk about it she owed him that much at least, especially after last night when he had behaved like a true friend to her.
"So Tom," B'Elanna pulled him to the side of the corridor, "why did you really come to engineering?"
"I thought we should discuss what to tell people."
"Tell people? About what?" B'Elanna looked puzzled, but her mind instantly flashed on the image of her and Seven in an embrace, but Tom couldn't know about that she reassured herself.
"About us breaking up." Tom looked rather hurt that she would have forgotten already. "I mean people are bound to notice, especially Harry."
"Yes, of course." The feelings of guilt came washing down on her once more.
"And then there's Seven." Tom added casually.
"Seven!" B'Elanna's voice rose dramatically causing a couple of passing crewmen to look at her strangely. "I mean, what about Seven?" This in a near whisper as she tried to control her frantically beating hearts.
"Well she has a thing for you." Tom tried to keep his voice neutral, as if Seven's having a crush on someone was normal, and the fact it was the woman he had until two days ago been having a relationship with just a minor detail.
"A thing?"
"A crush, or something." Tom shrugged his shoulders truly unable to fathom how to interpret ex-Borg levels of attraction. "I don't know, she might even be in love with you."
"What!" This time B'Elanna's voice echoed all the way down the corridor.
"Shhhh." Tom pleaded, although he couldn't help a sneaking pleasure at B'Elanna's discomfort, even though that wasn't his intention.
"What do you mean Tom, in love with me?" Seven's declaration of love, a declaration that had kept B'Elanna awake most of the night, was repeating itself in her memory. Three tiny little words that had sent her into an agony of confusion and re-evaluation of her feelings, and here was Tom casually talking about Seven loving her. How could he know?
"Come on Lanna, I've seen the way she's always looking at you." Tom exaggerated, the first notion he'd got of any feeling on Seven's part had been the night before. "Its obvious she has the hots for you."
Wanting to end anymore discussion of the former Borg B'Elanna started walking away from Tom down the corridor. "We have a meeting, remember?" She threw over her shoulder.
"Lanna come on you can't just ignore this." Tom pleaded, this wasn't how he'd envisioned things progressing when he'd decided to act as matchmaker for the pair. A decision that most would consider very odd, but he had hoped would help him resolve his own feelings about the half Klingon.
"Look Tom I don't know why you're bringing all this up now, but can you just leave it." B'Elanna continued walking down the corridor, but Tom Paris was close on her heels and didn't seem to want to drop the subject anytime soon.
"I just thought that if she knew we were no longer together the two of you could." He waved his arms about in a stupid gesture that resembled nothing but was meant to convey everything.
"What?" B'Elanna cursed herself for being unable to stop shouting. "Are you my dating advisor now or something?"
"I just thought."
"Well don't."
"Okay, but how do you want to tell everyone about us?" Tom decided on retreat for the moment, at least he'd gotten B'Elanna to think about the idea of dating Seven, and in a roundabout way shown her that he and the rest of the crew wouldn't react negatively to the idea. Even though he wasn't too sure that some on board wouldn't have a problem with the idea of a Borg dating anyone, let alone the only Klingon on board.
"I don't know, you can announce it over the comm. system for all I care." Realising how dismissive that had been for something that was an emotionally sensitive issue for the both of them, B'Elanna stopped and placing her hands on Tom's shoulders and smiled at the downcast man. "I'm sorry Tom, that was insensitive of me. How about we just inform our friend together and let the ships gossip vine handle telling everyone else?"
"Yeah, that sounds good."
The two continued on their way to the conference room.
Seven had spent her morning in a succession of pointless tasks, adjusting the astrometric sensors to scan for areas of space they had no intention of visiting and programming in twenty-eight variations of cereal into the replicator to give the children more choice than they'd ever need when choosing a morning supplement. This was the type of activity that Seven would usually complain to others for wasting their time on, an inefficient waste of ships resources and the individuals time. Today, however, it was the only thing she could think of that would save her from having to go down to engineering to discuss the aft sections sensor fluctuations with the Chief Engineer. It wasn't a dangerous fluctuation and most of the starfleet crew wouldn't even consider the readings to warrant a second look, but it was something that would normally have forced the perfection seeking former Borg to confront the engineer about remedying the problem, but today just wasn't normal. It was the day after she had been kissed by the Chief Engineer, and heard herself for the first time telling someone she loved them. No this was most definitely not a normal day.
Leaving cargo bay 2 Seven reluctantly made her way to the conference room, the senior staff meeting that had been scheduled would guarantee B'Elanna's presence, and realising that had left the usually controlled former drone in a state of rising panic. It wasn't that she didn't want to see the half Klingon, Seven enjoyed anytime she could spend in the other woman's company, but she feared B'Elanna's indifference. The events of the night before had effected Seven greatly, but to know she was the only one who had taken them to mean something would crush any hope she had of a future relationship with B'Elanna. Anger, embarrassment, arousal or flirtation would all be welcomed by the younger woman, because then at least she would know that the events had some impact on the other woman, but if she entered the room and B'Elanna looked at her blankly any chance would be over.
Entering the conference room at precisely the correct time Seven noticed that B'Elanna and Tom Paris were both late. It was like receiving a small reprieve from the hangman, but Seven knew that within moments her time would be up and the axe would fall. Shaking her head of the stupid metaphors Seven took her place at the table, hoping her stare at the doors wasn't too noticeable.
"I hope everyone enjoyed themselves at the ceremony last evening?" The Captain enquired of the waiting senior staff.
Seven turned to the Captain and nodded her agreement, although the small gesture failed to convey the level of enjoyment the evening had provided the young woman.
"It was a truly memorable evening, wasn't it B'Elanna?" Came Tom's voice from the doorway.
If Seven had been a mere human she would have ended up in traction with the speed her head turned towards the door. There standing next to Tom Paris was the object of her thoughts, B'Elanna, the engineer seemed to forget to breath as she tried to answer Tom's question, but apparently unable to form words she simply nodded. If Seven had been looking for one emotion from the half Klingon she would have been out of luck, as her face was suffused with colour and her eyes flashed anger then embarrassment and then in a quick dart towards Seven confusion, and possibly lust.
Seven just sat back in her chair unable to speak, her fears of rejection had for the moment been appeased, but having got this far she was unsure of how to proceed. Logic dictated that she approach B'Elanna after the meeting to discuss the events of last night and ascertain the current nature of their relationship, but Seven feared such an approach would scare off the other woman. Listening to the meeting with only half her conscious mind Seven spent her time trying to formulate a plan of action to enable her to spend more time with B'Elanna, preferably time in a social setting where they could explore their developing feelings.
As the meeting came to a finish Seven's musings were brought to an end by Tom Paris's request for everyone's attention. Looking solemn but dignified Tom began to address all those present.
Tom had played close attention to the interaction between Seven and B'Elanna since they entered the conference room. His ex-lover had displayed a myriad of emotions on first seeing the young blonde, embarrassment and confusion where plain to see but once the initial shock of seeing her had passed there was a distinct look of longing in B'Elanna's eyes. Stealing himself against the pain that look inspired, Tom turned his attention to studying the ex-Borg. Seven's emotions were less obvious at first glance, but it soon became apparent that the young woman was trying hard not to stare at B'Elanna, her eyes would drift automatically towards the enticing figure of the half Klingon only to be pulled away as soon as Seven realised what she was doing. Congratulating himself for correctly guessing at their attraction, while at the same time wondering about the two women's lack of insight in missing all the signs themselves, Tom prepared to put phase two of his matchmaking scheme into action.
"Excuse me!" Tom raised his voice slightly to gain the attention of all those about to leave. "Before you all leave B'Elanna and I have something we'd like to tell you."
"Now?" B'Elanna whispered in a strangled voice.
Placing his hand over hers and smiling a gentle smile for her alone Tom whispered "Yes, now."
The majority of the senior staff looked at the couple with indulgent smiles, guessing by the obvious display of affection the nature of the announcement.
"B'Elanna and I have decided to end our relationship." Tom held up his hand to stop the questions that had begun forming on nearly ever ones lips. "We both thought that as our friends you had the right to know before ships gossip spread the news."
"We are still good friends and care about each other deeply but have just decided not to continue our romantic relationship. That way we get to be even better friends." B'Elanna added, although her words were more for Tom than the others present.
Tom smiled down at B'Elanna, her words having unconsciously given him an introduction to the next part of his plan. "As Lanna said we are still friends, and to enable us proper closure to our relationship I would like to invite you all to a small celebration of the good times we had together." Tom noticed the odd looks he was getting from everyone. "It's a variation on a Rissan ceremony that helps heal the wounds of a broken relationship. Its very cathartic"
"I see." The Captain came around behind Tom and B'Elanna and putting a hand on both their shoulders gave them a friendly half hug. "I'm sure we are all saddened by this news, but I would feel honoured to partake in the celebration. I know it must be a difficult time for the both of you, but you have handled yourselves with dignity."
Tom felt choked by the praise and could only sit by as one by one all the senior staff accepted his invitation.
To be continued