DISCLAIMER: I so don't own the D.E.B.S. - They're owned by Angela Robinson and the movie people. I'm doing this for fun - I'm not making a profit, any kind of money or anything else off of this. If I've forgotten something, insert the usual disclaimer stuff here.
SPOILERS: A little bit for Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
CHALLENGE: Submitted for The July Challenge.
It's a Pirate's Life for Me
By Del Robertson
"And they say I'm a crook!?!"
"Shh! Keep your voice down." Amy admonished, sitting down beside Lucy Diamond.
"All I'm saying is six dollars for a small bucket of popcorn is - " Lucy gestured helplessly to the bucket situated on her lap. " - Well, it's highway robbery!"
"Hello?" Janet leaned forward, looking around Amy. "Like, aren't you the super-rich master criminal here? Geez! I can't believe you're complaining about the prices!"
"We went over this." Scud sat forward, placing both hands on Janet's shoulders, massaging them through the sweater she had tied around her neck. "It's not that Lucy can't pay for things, sweetie. It's that she doesn't like to. No thrill for her, you know what I'm saying?"
"That she has psychological issues?" Janet guessed, sticking her tongue out at Lucy.
"Janet!" Amy objected.
"Yeah?" Lucy snarled. "Well, I'm not the one that had to sneak out of the house so my friends wouldn't know I'm secretly dating someone they don't approve of!"
"Lucy!" Scud's turn to object.
"You're right. That would be your girlfriend," Janet answered smugly, folding her hands over her kneecaps primly, batting her eyelashes innocently.
"Why don't you ditch the pigtails, Pippi Longstocking?" Lucy glared.
"Go back to Iceland, you - you - thief!" Janet spat out.
"That's enough!" Amy hissed between clenched teeth. "Turn around and watch the movie." Janet and Lucy continued to lean across Amy, glaring at each other. "Both of you!"
With a huff, Janet turned to watch the screen, arms folded across her chest. Scud attempted to wrap his arm around her waist; she easily shook him off.
On the other side of Amy, Lucy sank down in her chair. Slouching, she propped both feet on the chair in front of her. Settling down, she passed the popcorn bucket to Amy. "Tell me again why we had to bring them?" she asked in an exaggerated whisper.
Amy elbowed her in the ribs. "Because he's your friend - and she's mine. Now shut up and watch the movie."
"I can't believe you got us thrown out of the theatre!" Janet kicked Lucy underneath the table.
Lucy rolled her eyes. "It's not my fault he overreacted."
She reached across the table, snatching the bottle of syrup. After the fiasco at the theatre, they had driven down the block to an all-night diner. She liberally poured syrup on her stack of pancakes, passed the bottle to Scud.
"I don't know why you asked Amy and I along in the first place!"
"I didn't," Lucy grinned. "I asked Amy. Scud asked you."
"My point exactly! Hello! Guy flick!" She stamped both her feet. "Amy and I shouldn't have to be subjected to that!"
"Hey!" interrupted Amy for the first time since leaving the theatre. "I happen to have been enjoying that movie."
"You weren't watching the movie; you were flirting with Lucy the whole time." She glared at Amy accusingly, "I'll bet you can't tell me a single thing you liked about that movie!"
"Well, uh - " Amy stared at her plate, moving her food this way and that with her fork. Smiling, she looked up, meeting Janet's gaze. " - I liked the part where Elizabeth dressed as a pirate. I thought she looked very - " she bit off a snicker at Janet's absolutely furious expression. " - handsome." Wonder how Lucy would look dressed like that, Amy thought, remembering back to what the master criminal had confided to her about always wanting to be a pirate.
"Okay, then." Janet waved her fork at Lucy. "If you were enjoying the movie so much, then why aren't you mad that she got us tossed out?"
Scud watched the exchange, calmly enjoying his French toast as the women battled it out. "You're not going to win," he advised, leaning in, whispering to Janet.
"That manager was out of line!" Lucy protested.
"You didn't pay for the refreshments at the concession stand," objected Janet.
"Exactly! Seven-fifty for each soda is extortionism!"
"Extortionism?" Janet rolled her eyes, stared pointedly at Lucy.
"Yeah! They know after you eat that big bucket of salty popcorn, you're going to be dying of thirst. And, they think they can charge whatever they want for a drink," Lucy reasoned. "Well, I for one, refuse to pay."
"And, that's why we got tossed out!" Janet exploded.
Lucy's eyes narrowed to tiny slits as she stared appraisingly at the D.E.B. agent. "Thought you didn't want to see the movie."
"After sitting through an hour and a half, it would have been nice to see how it ended!"
"I thought so, too," Lucy grinned, "That's why I brought this." Reaching inside her jacket, she pulled out a copy of the film.
"Lucy!" Amy shrieked in shock, "You stole the movie?"
"Borrowed, actually," Lucy shrugged, "But, if you'd rather I return it - "
"In the morning, after we've watched it," Janet declared, reaching across the table, snatching the film, tucking it into her purse.
The End