DISCLAIMER: Star Trek belongs to Paramount...again, sanity has left the building but it did promise to pick me up a nice T-shirt on its way back.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.

A Plan
By ralst


"Excuse me, Doctor, can I have a word with you, in private?"

"Of course, Seven, what is it? You're cortical node isn't malfunctioning again, is it?"

"No, it is working within acceptable parameters."

"Ah, good. Oh, did you want to arrange a time for our next singing practice?"


"You want to view my latest holo-images?"


"Borrow a toothbrush?"

"Doctor, if you will be silent for fourteen seconds, I shall tell you what I want."

"Okay, no need to get shirty."

"I am not shirty, I am in a hurry."

"Fine, get on with it, it's not as if I could have anything better to do, I mean, I'm only a hologram, here for your.."

"Do you want to hear or not?"


"I would like you to administer 10cc of Diamorphine to Lieutenant Paris and Commander Chakotay, this evening at 7.45."

"Diamo... That's a tranquilliser."

"I am aware of that, Doctor."

"It's a targ tranquilliser."


"It'll knock them out for a week."

"Incorrect. According to my data they should be unconscious for no more than eight hours."

"A week, eight hours, what's the difference, they'll..."

"One hundred and sixteen hours."

"...still be unconscious."


"Well, do you mind telling me why you want to tranquillise the ship's second-in-command and helm officer?"

"I wish to transport them to a private bed chamber, remove all their clothing and then take holographic images of them in extremely compromising positions - I would also like to borrow your camera, unless you would like to take the images yourself?"


"Very well, I shall take them."

"I mean no to all of it. Are you out of your mind!"

"I do not believe so."

"Then why?"

"Why, what?"

"Doctor Zimmerman have mercy on my photons - why do you want to take pictures of them doing... that?"

"For blackmail purposes."

"I need to lay down."

"Doctor, you are a hologram, the formation of your image into a horizontal position has no effect on you."

"Fine, then I'll stand up and pronounce you insane - is that better?"

"I am not insane, Doctor."

"Oh, of course not, drugging and blackmailing other members of the crew is perfectly sane behaviour. It happens all the time, in Bedlam!"

"Are you finished with your histrionics, Doctor? Only I have other things to arrange before this evening."

"Seven, you can't go through with it. Janeway will lock you in the brig for a year for even thinking it."

"The Captain will never know."

"I.. I... Oh God! I think I'm hyperventilating."

"You do not breath, therefore you cannot... Would you like me to get you a paper bag? Now breath out slowly, that's it, in and out and in and out."



"Why...why are you blackmailing them?"

"I want Mr Paris to agree to divorce B'Elanna, citing his own immaturity as the reason and for Commander Chakotay to stop sending me nauseating little love poems - I vomited over Icheb yesterday, it was not pleasant."

"Okay, I understand Chakotay - you poor thing, but why do you care if B'Elanna and Tom get divorced?"

"That would be next month's favour."

"Which is?"

"For the use of your Venice at night holoprogram, so I can propose to B'Elanna in the proper setting."

"Propose? You and B'Elanna?"


"As in marriage?"


"Not a fight to the death?"

"No. Klingons may be volatile but even they generally refrain from committing murder while taking the Oath."

"Oh, okay... You couldn't speed it up a little, only my bet in the pool is for three weeks from tomorrow."

"Very well."

"Good enough for me. I'll just go and get the Diamorphine..."

I love it when a plan comes together

The End

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