Please seduce my husband
<Regeneration cycle complete.>
"That's a nifty little alarm clock you've got there Seven."
"I woke up to Tom's elbow in my ribs, I must say having your bed simply switch off and the computer tell you to get up is much more pleasant."
"I do not have a bed Lieutenant."
"Maybe not but the principles the same."
"Well let me put it this way, would you rather wake up to Tom or the computer voice?"
"The computer voice."
"Not really Lieutenant."
"Call me B'Elanna."
"It's my name."
"I am aware of that Lieutenant, I simply wished to ascertain why you wanted me to use that designation at this time."
"Why not?"...."Okay enough with the raised ocular implant, I came here for reasons of a personal nature so I thought it would be best to have you use my name not rank."
"Acceptable. What personal business?"
"I want you to seduce Tom."
"Seven are you okay?"
"Did you just ask me to seduce your husband?"
"Then no Lieutenant I am not okay, I believe I am suffering from hallucinations of the worse kind."
"Stop making a fuss, I only asked you to seduce him, you don't actually have to sleep with the guy."
"What was that?"
"Fine. All I want for you to do is maybe kiss him a little, possibly get him into a horizontal position."
"There is no need to pull that face, he's not that bad."
"If you say so."
"Then once you've got him lying down and maybe slightly unclothed, then I come in."
"Unclothed? You mean I have to see him....naked?"
"I really wish you'd stop pulling those faces, I thought ex-Borg didn't go in for overt displays of emotion anyway."
"I am sorry B'Elanna but that much repulsion cannot be hidden even by a full Borg."
"He's not that bad, really."
"If you say so....what was the bit about you walking in? Are you suggesting we engage in what I believe is called a threesome? If so I must decline the invitation, I have no wish to be that close with Lieutenant Paris even if I would get to see you naked in the process."
"I didn't mean a three....what was that about seeing me naked?"
"Nothing. You were about to explain about your entry."
"Er, right, I walk in and see the two of you all over each other and go into a blazing fit of jealousy and throw both you and Tom out of my quarters."
"I see. What do you wish me to do then?"
"Nothing, that's it."
"What would be the purpose of this exercise?"
"The purpose is to give me a reason for leaving Tom."
"So you would catch him being unfaithful, therefore it would be within the bounds of honour to end your marriage."
"Does the fact that you arranged the supposed infidelity not detract from the honour?"
"Yeah well honour only goes so far, and if I have to put up with Tom for another day I might end up strangling him in his sleep and believe me that would be even less honourable."
"Why come to me with the proposal?"
"Yes, and what's more every guy on the ship knows it, including Tom."
"So, if you give him a come on he's bound to succumb."
"A come on? How would I do that?"
"No I do not."
"Well, kind of brush up against him, like this."
"Hmm, could you do that once more so I get it right."
"Sure...like that...maybe putting your hands here."
"Then if you glide your hands around his body like this..."
"Then up to lightly to caress his erm."
"I do not believe, Mmmm, that he has what you are currently, oohhh, touching."
"Then you could place tiny kisses along his,"
"neck, and up to his ear."
"Mmm, then what?"
"Then let your tongue circle his implant, like this.."
"I kiss him."
"I'm sorry B'Elanna but I am afraid I cannot do this with Lieutenant Paris."
"Kahless no! I don't want you anywhere near him."
"So we will not need to continue practising my seductive techniques?"
"No I guess not, unless you feel you would benifit from instruction?"
"There are many aspects I am unfamiliar with, so instruction would be acceptable."
"I believe we have already covered that hand placement B'Elanna."
"Well it's a very complex thing seduction, so it's always good to practice what you've learnt until you have it memorised. Do you think you need more practice?"
"Oh yes. Lots of practice I'm afraid Lieutenant."
"In that case we'd best start right away."..."Computer lock the doors to Cargo Bay 2."
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