DISCLAIMER: I donít own South of Nowhere or the characters, and I'm not profiting from this.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
The Power of Denial
There was a difference between homosexual orientation and homosexual behavior. Dr. Crawford had told Paula that, and she believed it.
Homosexual orientation was the notion that who you slept with became your identity. It was a delusion, a falsehood, although a certain subset of peopleher own daughter includedhad been misguided into thinking otherwise.
Homosexual behavior, on the other hand, was temporary. It was an action. A sin, sure, but, like any other sin, you could choose to stop doing it. It didn't define you.
Paula found that thought comforting as she wrapped her thighs tighter around Ashley's head, dug her heels into the younger woman's back in a gesture that couldn't be mistaken for anything other than faster, harder, please. And Ashley complied, running her impossibly warm, perfect tongue through slick folds and flicking it against Paula's clit just right until fingers tangled in her hair, pulling her closer and then urging her away just as quickly.
When Paula watched Ashley dress, noticed how young she looked even though she was almost nineteen, she felt a momentary surge of guilt. She suppressed it just as quickly. It's a sin like any other, she told herself. You can stop at any time. You will.
Later that night, as she lay under Arthursweet, milquetoasty Arthurshe didn't think about Ashley. She didn't. The fact that the younger woman invaded her dreams, permeated her senses if she thought about the things they did for too long, was a secret that she kept even from herself.
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