Pride and Prejudice in Space
By ralst
Chapter 29
Dr Zimmerman's triumph in consequence of this invitation was complete. The power of displaying the grandeur of his patroness to his wondering visitors, and of letting them see her civility towards himself and his wife, was exactly what he had wished for; and that an opportunity of doing it should be given so soon was such an instance of the Borg Queen's condescension as he knew not how to admire enough.
"I confess," said he, "that I should not have been at all surprised by her Majesty's asking us on Sunday to drink tea and spend the evening at the central nexus. I rather expected, from my knowledge of her affability, that it would happen. But who could have foreseen such an attention as this? Who could have imagined that we should receive an invitation to dine there (an invitation moreover including the whole party) so immediately after your arrival!"
"I am the less surprised at what has happened," replied Captain Picard, "from that knowledge of what the manners of the great really are, which my situation in life has allowed me to acquire. About the quadrant, such instances of elegant breeding are not uncommon."
Scarcely any thing was talked of the whole day, or next morning, but their visit to the central nexus. Dr Zimmerman was carefully instructing them in what they were to expect, that the sight of such rooms, so many servant drones, and so splendid a dinner might not wholly overpower them.
When the ladies were separating for the toilette, he said to B'Elanna,
"Do not make yourself uneasy, my dear B'Elanna, about your apparel. The Borg Queen is far from requiring that elegance of dress in us, which becomes herself and Data. I would advise you merely to put on whatever of your uniforms is superior to the rest, there is no occasion for any thing more. The Borg Queen will not think the worse of you for being simply dressed. She likes to have the distinction of rank preserved."
While they were dressing, he came two or three times to their different doors, to recommend their being quick, as the Borg Queen very much objected to be kept waiting for her dinner. -- Such formidable accounts of her majesty, and her manner of living, quite frightened Geordi, who had been little used to company, and he looked forward to his introduction at the central nexus with as much apprehension, as his captain had done to his presentation at Starfleet Academy.
As the weather was fine, they had a pleasant shuttle ride of about half a parsec across the openess of space. -- Every star-field has its beauty and its prospects; and B'Elanna saw much to be pleased with, though she could not be in such raptures as Dr Zimmerman expected the scene to inspire, and was but slightly affected by his enumeration of the escape pods in front of the cube, and his relation of what the shileding altogether had originally cost the Collective.
When they ascended the steps to the central hub, Geordi's alarm was every moment increasing, and even Captain Picard did not look perfectly calm. -- B'Elanna's courage did not fail her. She had heard nothing of the Borg Queen that spoke her awful from any extraordinary talents or miraculous virtue, and the mere stateliness of money and power she thought she could witness without trepidation.
From the central, of which Dr Zimmerman pointed out, with a rapturous air, the fine proportion and sparkling alcoves, they followed the servant drones through an ante-chamber, to the room where the Borg Queen, Data, and a large security drone were sitting. -- The Borg Queen, with great condescension, arose to receive them; and as Wesley Crusher had settled it with his husband that the office of introduction should be his, it was performed in a proper manner, without any of those apologies and thanks which the doctor would have thought necessary.
In spite of having been at Starfleet Academy, Captain Picard was so completely awed by the grandeur surrounding him, that he had but just courage enough to make a very low bow, and take his seat without saying a word; and Geordi, frightened almost out of his senses, sat on the edge of his chair, not knowing which way to look. B'Elanna found herself quite equal to the scene, and could observe the three cyborgs before her composedly. -- the Borg Queen was a tall, elegant woman, with strongly-marked features, which might once have been handsome. Her air was not conciliating, nor was her manner of receiving them such as to make her visitors forget their inferior rank. She was not rendered formidable by silence; but whatever she said was spoken in so authoritative a tone as marked her self-importance, and brought Mr Paris immediately to B'Elanna's mind; and from the observation of the day altogether, she believed the Borg Queen to be exactly what he had represented.
When, after examining the queen, in whose countenance and deportment she soon found some resemblance of Ms Hansen, she turned her eyes on Data, she could almost have joined in Geordi's astonishment at the android being so pale, and yellow eyed. There was neither in figure nor face any likeness between him and his creator. Data was pale and stiff; his features, though not plain, were insignificant; and he spoke very little, except in a low voice to the security drone.
After sitting a few minutes, they were all sent to one of the windows to admire the view, Dr Zimmerman attending them to point out its beauties, and the Borg Queen kindly informing them that it was much better worth looking at during a meteor shower.
The dinner was exceedingly handsome, and there were all the servant drones, and all the articles of plate which Dr Zimmerman had promised; and, as he had likewise foretold, he took his seat at the bottom of the table, by her majesty's desire, and looked as if he felt that life could furnish nothing greater. -- He carved, and ate, and praised with delighted alacrity; and every dish was commended, first by him, and then by Captain Picard, who was now enough recovered to echo whatever the doctor said, in a manner which B'Elanna wondered the Borg Queen could bear. But the Borg Queen seemed gratified by their excessive admiration, and gave most gracious smiles, especially when any dish on the table proved a novelty to them. The party did not supply much conversation. B'Elanna was ready to speak whenever there was an opening, but she was seated between Wesley and Data -- the former of whom was engaged in listening to the Borg Queen, and the latter said not a word to her all dinner time. The security drone was chiefly employed in watching how little Data ate, pressing him to try some other dish, and threatening his neural transponder if he refused. Geordi thought speaking out of the question, and the other gentlemen did nothing but eat and admire.
When the ladies returned to the drawing room, there was little to be done but to hear the Borg Queen talk, which she did without any intermission till coffee came in, delivering her opinion on every subject in so decisive a manner as proved that she was not used to have her judgment controverted. She enquired into Wesley's domestic concerns familiarly and minutely, and gave her a great deal of advice as to the management of them all; told him how every thing ought to be regulated in so small a family as his, and instructed Wesley as to the care of his warp core and his shielding. B'Elanna found that nothing was beneath this great lady's attention, which could furnish her with an occasion of dictating to others. In the intervals of her discourse with Wesley Crusher, she addressed a variety of questions to Geordi and B'Elanna, but especially to the latter, of whose connections she knew the least, and who, she observed to Wesley Crusher, was a very genteel, pretty kind of girl. She asked her at different times, how many crew mates she had, whether they were Klingon or human or half-breeds like herself, whether any of them were likely to be married, whether they were handsome, where they had been educated, what speeds their ship could reach, and what had been her mother's Klingon house? -- B'Elanna felt all the impertinence of her questions, but answered them very composedly. -- the Borg Queen then observed,
"Your captain's ship is entailed on Dr Zimmerman, I think. For your sake," turning to Wesley, "I am glad of it; but otherwise I see no occasion for entailing estates from the female crew. -- It was not thought necessary in the Borg Collective. -- Do you play and sing, Lieutenant Torres?"
"A little."
"Oh! then -- some time or other we shall be happy to hear you. Our instrument is a capital one, probably superior to -- You shall try it some day. -- Do your crew mates play and sing?"
"One of them does."
"Why did not you all learn? -- You ought all to have learned. The Bolians all play, and their hive mother has not so good a ship as your's. -- Do you draw?"
"No, not at all."
"What, none of you?"
"Not one."
"That is very strange. But I suppose you had no opportunity. Your first officer should have taken you to the academy every spring for the benefit of masters."
"My first officer would have had no objection, but my captain hates the academy."
"Has your android left you?"
"We never had any android."
"No android! How was that possible? A crew set out into space without an android! -- I never heard of such a thing. Your first officer must have been quite a slave to your training."
B'Elanna could hardly help smiling, as she assured her that had not been the case.
"Then, who taught you? who attended to you? Without an android you must have been neglected."
"Compared with some crews, I believe we were; but such of us as wished to learn, never wanted the means. We were always encouraged to read our technical manuals, and had all the masters that were necessary on the holodeck. Those who chose to be idle, certainly might."
"Aye, no doubt; but that is what an android will prevent, and if I had known your first officer, I should have advised him most strenuously to purchase one. I always say that nothing is to be done in education without steady and regular instruction, and nobody but an android can give it. It is wonderful how many cubes I have been the means of supplying in that way. I am always glad to get a good android well placed out. Four androids from the same production line as my security bot are most delightfully situated through my means; and it was but the other day that I recommended another android, who was merely accidentally mentioned to me, and the crew are quite delighted with it. Wesley Crusher, did I tell you of Admiral Metcalf's calling yesterday to thank me? She finds the R79-B a treasure. "Your Majesty," said she, "you have given me a treasure." Are any of your younger crew members out in society, Lieutenant Torres?"
"Yes, Ma'am, all."
"All! -- What, all five out at once? Very odd! -- And you only the second. -- The younger ones out before the elder are married! -- Your younger crew mates must be very young?"
"Yes, out youngest is not sixteen. Perhaps she is full young to be much in company. But really, your Majesty, I think it would be very hard upon younger crew members, that they should not have their share of society and amusement because the elder may not have the means or inclination to marry early. -- The last commissioned has as good a right to the pleasures of youth, as the first. And to be kept back on such a motive! -- I think it would not be very likely to promote camaraderie."
"Upon my word," said the queen, "you give your opinion very decidedly for so young a person. -- Pray, what is your age?"
"With three younger crewmen below me in rank," replied B'Elanna smiling, "your Majesty can hardly expect me to own it."
The Borg Queen seemed quite astonished at not receiving a direct answer; and B'Elanna suspected herself to be the first creature who had ever dared to trifle with so much dignified impertinence!
"You cannot be more than twenty, I am sure, -- therefore you need not conceal your age."
"I am not one and twenty."
When the gentlemen had joined them, and tea was over, the card tables were placed. The Borg Queen, Captain Picard, and Dr Zimmerman and Wesley Crusher sat down to quadrille; and as Data chose to play at cassino, he and Geordi had the honour of assisting the security robot to make up a party. Their table was superlatively stupid. Scarcely a syllable was uttered that did not relate to the game, except when the security bot expressed its fears of Data's being too robotic or too human, or having too much or too little logic. A great deal more passed at the other table, the Borg Queen was generally speaking -- stating the mistakes of the three others, or relating some anecdote of herself. Dr Zimmerman was employed in agreeing to every thing the queen said, thanking her for every fish he won, and apologising if he thought he won too many. Captain Picard did not say much. He was storing his memory with anecdotes and noble names.
When the Borg Queen had played as long as she chose, the tables were broke up, the shuttle was offered to Wesley Crusher, gratefully accepted, and immediately ordered. The party then gathered round the view screen to hear the Borg Queen determine what the atmospheric condictions would be on the morrow. From these instructions they were summoned by the arrival of the shuttle, and with many speeches of thankfulness on Dr Zimmerman's side, and as many bows on Captain Picard's, they departed. As soon as they had flown from the shuttle-bay, B'Elanna was called on by the doctor to give her opinion of all that she had seen at the central nexus, which, for Wesley's sake, she made more favourable than it really was. But her commendation, though costing her some trouble, could by no means satisfy Dr Zimmerman, and he was very soon obliged to take the queen's praise into his own hands.
Chapter 30
Captain Picard staid only a week at the Borg sphere; but his visit was long enough to convince him of his son being most comfortably settled, and of Wesley possessing such a husband and such a neighbour as were not often met with. While Captain Picard was with them, Dr Zimmerman devoted his mornings to driving him out in his hopper and shewing him the solar system; but when he went away, the whole family returned to their usual employments, and B'Elanna was thankful to find that they did not see more of Dr Zimmerman by the alteration, for the chief of the time between breakfast and dinner was now passed by him either at work in the hydroponics bay, or in reading and writing, and looking out of the view port in the small medical bay, which fronted the ship. The room in which the ladies sat was backwards. B'Elanna at first had rather wondered that Wesley should not prefer the mess-hall for common use; it was a better sized room, and had a pleasanter aspect; but she soon saw that her friend had an excellent reason for what she did, for Dr Zimmerman would undoubtedly have been much less in his own quarters, had they sat in one equally lively; and she gave Wesley credit for the arrangement.
From their room they could distinguish nothing in the approach area, and were indebted to Dr Zimmerman for the knowledge of what ships went along, and how often especially Data drove by in his shuttle, which he never failed coming to inform them of, though it happened almost every day. Data not unfrequently stopped at the doctor's sphere, and had a few minutes' conversation with Wesley, but was scarcely ever prevailed on to stay.
Very few days passed in which Dr Zimmerman did not travel to the central nexus, and not many in which his husband did not think it necessary to go likewise; and till B'Elanna recollected that there might be other family livings to be disposed of, she could not understand the sacrifice of so many hours. Now and then, they were honoured with a call from the queen, and nothing escaped her observation that was passing in the room during these visits. She examined into their employments, looked at their work, and advised them to do it differently; found fault with the arrangement of the furniture, or detected the house-bots in negligence; and if she accepted any refreshment, seemed to do it only for the sake of finding out that Wesley Crusher's joints of meat were too large for her crew.
B'Elanna soon perceived that though this great lady was not in the commission of the peace for the system, she was a most active magistrate in her own collective, the minutest concerns of which were carried to her by Dr Zimmerman; and whenever any of the drones were disposed to be quarrelsome, discontented or too poor, she sallied forth into the cube to settle their differences, silence their complaints, and scold them into harmony and plenty.
The entertainment of dining at the central nexus was repeated about twice a week; and, allowing for the loss of Captain Picard, and there being only one card table in the evening, every such entertainment was the counterpart of the first. Their other engagements were few; as the style of living of the system in general was beyond the Zimmermans' reach. This, however, was no evil to B'Elanna, and upon the whole she spent her time comfortably enough; there were half hours of pleasant conversation with Wesley, and the atmospheric conditions were so fine for the time of year, that she had often great enjoyment out of doors. Her favourite shuttle ride, and where she frequently went while the others were calling on the Borg Queen, was along the open asteroid belt which edged that side of the solar system, where there was a nice sheltered landing strip, which no one seemed to value but herself, and where she felt beyond the reach of the Borg Queen's curiosity.
In this quiet way, the first fortnight of her visit soon passed away. Easter was approaching, and the week preceding it was to bring an addition to the family at the central nexus, which in so small a circle must be important. B'Elanna had heard, soon after her arrival, that Ms Hansen was expected there in the course of a few weeks, and though there were not many of her acquaintance whom she did not prefer, Annika's coming would furnish one comparatively new to look at in their the central nexus parties, and she might be amused in seeing how hopeless Ms Kira's designs on her were, by Ms Hansen's behaviour to Data, for whom she was evidently destined by the Borg Queen; who talked of her coming with the greatest satisfaction, spoke of Annika in terms of the highest admiration, and seemed almost angry to find that she had already been frequently seen by Geordi and herself.
Annika's arrival was soon known at the sphere, for Dr Zimmerman was flying his shuttle the whole morning within view of the approach vector to the central nexus, in order to have the earliest assurance of it; and after making his radio call as the shuttle turned into the approach, hurried home with the great intelligence. On the following morning he hastened to the central nexus to pay his respects. There were two former drones of the Borg Queen to require them, for Ms Hansen had brought with her a Tasha Yar, the younger daughter of her uncle, Admiral Nechayev; and to the great surprise of all the party, when Dr Zimmerman returned, the ladies accompanied him. Wesley had seen them, from his husband's room, crossing the starboard engine, and immediately running into her rooms, told the girls what an honour they might expect, adding,
"I may thank you, Lanna, for this piece of civility. Ms Hansen would never have come so soon to wait upon me."
B'Elanna had scarcely time to disclaim all right to the compliment, before their approach was announced by the opening of the shuttle bay doors, and shortly afterwards the three ladies entered the room. Tasha Yar, who led the way, was about thirty, not handsome, but in person and address most truly an officer. Ms Hansen looked just as she had been used to look in the Delta Quadrant, paid her compliments, with the usual reserve, to Wesley Crusher; and whatever might be her feelings towards his friend, met her with every appearance of composure. B'Elanna merely curtseyed to her, without saying a word.
Tasha Yar entered into conversation directly with the readiness and ease of a well-bred officer, and talked very pleasantly; but her cousin, after having addressed a slight observation on the sphere and solar system to Wesley Crusher, sat for some time without speaking to any body. At length, however, her civility was so far awakened as to enquire of B'Elanna after the health of her crew. She answered Annika in the usual way, and after a moment's pause, added,
"Jadzia has been in the Alpha Quadrant these three months. Have you never happened to see her there?"
She was perfectly sensible that Annika never had; but B'Elanna wished to see whether she would betray any consciousness of what had passed between the Bingleys and Jadzia; and she thought Annika looked a little confused as she answered that she had never been so fortunate as to meet Miss Dax. The subject was pursued no farther, and the ladies soon afterwards went away.
Chapter 31
Tasha Yar's manners were very much admired at the sphere, and the company all felt that she must add considerably to the pleasure of their engagements at the central nexus. It was some days, however, before they received any invitation thither, for while there were visitors in the nexus they could not be necessary; and it was not till Easter-day, almost a week after the ladies' arrival, that they were honoured by such an attention, and then they were merely asked on leaving the local star-port to come there in the evening. For the last week they had seen very little of either the Borg Queen or Data. Tasha Yar had called at the sphere more than once during the time, but Ms Hansen they had only seen at the star-port.
The invitation was accepted of course, and at a proper hour they joined the party in the Borg Queen's ready room. The queen received them civilly, but it was plain that their company was by no means so acceptable as when she could get nobody else; and she was, in fact, almost engrossed by her former drones, speaking to them, especially to Annika, much more than to any other person in the room.
Tasha Yar seemed really glad to see them; any thing was a welcome relief to her at the central nexus; and Wesley Crusher's pretty friend had moreover caught Tasha's fancy very much. She now seated herself by B'Elanna, and talked so agreeably of the Delta Quadrant, of travelling and staying at home, of new books and music, that B'Elanna had never been half so well entertained in that room before; and they conversed with so much spirit and flow, as to draw the attention of the Borg Queen herself as well as of Ms Hansen. Her eyes had been soon and repeatedly turned towards them with a look of curiosity; and that her majesty after a while shared the feeling, was more openly acknowledged, for she did not scruple to call out,
"What is that you are saying, Tasha? What is it you are talking of? What are you telling Lieutenant Torres? Let me hear what it is."
"We are speaking of music, your Majesty," said she, when no longer able to avoid a reply.
"Of music! Then pray speak aloud. It is of all subjects my delight. I must have my share in the conversation, if you are speaking of music. There are few people in all the quadrants, I suppose, who have more true enjoyment of music than myself, or a better natural taste. If I had ever assimilated the knowledge, I should have been a great proficient. And so would Data, if his neural processor had allowed him to apply. I am confident that he would have performed delightfully. How does Icheb get on, Annika?"
Ms Hansen spoke with affectionate praise of her ward's proficiency.
"I am very glad to hear such a good account of him," said the Borg Queen; "and pray tell him from me, that he cannot expect to excel, if he does not practise a great deal."
"I assure you, Madam," she replied, "that he does not need such advice. He practises very constantly."
"So much the better. It cannot be done too much; and when I next write to him, I shall charge him not to neglect it on any account. I often tell former drones, that no excellence in music is to be acquired, without constant practice. I have told Lieutenant Torres several times, that she will never play really well, unless she practises more; and though Wesley Crusher has no instrument, she is very welcome, as I have often told her, to come to the central nexus every day, and play on the piano forte in the security droid's room. She would be in nobody's way, you know, in that part of the cube."
Ms Hansen looked a little ashamed of the queen's ill breeding, and made no answer.
When coffee was over, Tasha Yar reminded B'Elanna of having promised to play to her; and B'Elanna sat down directly to the instrument. Tasha drew a chair near her. The Borg Queen listened to half a song, and then talked, as before, to her other former drone; till the latter walked away from her, and moving with her usual deliberation towards the piano forte, stationed herself so as to command a full view of the fair performer's countenance. B'Elanna saw what Annika was doing, and at the first convenient pause, turned to her with an arch smile, and said,
"You mean to frighten me, Ms Hansen, by coming in all this state to hear me? But I will not be alarmed though your ward does play so well. There is a stubbornness about me that never can bear to be frightened at the will of others. My courage always rises with every attempt to intimidate me."
"I shall not say that you are mistaken," Annika replied, "because you could not really believe me to entertain any design of alarming you; and I have had the pleasure of your acquaintance long enough to know, that you find great enjoyment in occasionally professing opinions which in fact are not your own."
B'Elanna laughed heartily at this picture of herself, and said to Tasha Yar, "Your friend will give you a very pretty notion of me, and teach you not to believe a word I say. I am particularly unlucky in meeting with a person so well able to expose my real character, in a part of the universe where I had hoped to pass myself off with some degree of credit. Indeed, Ms Hansen, it is very ungenerous in you to mention all that you knew to my disadvantage in the Delta Quadrant -- and, give me leave to say, very impolitic too -- for it is provoking me to retaliate, and such things may come out, as will shock your friends to hear."
"I am not afraid of you," said she, smilingly.
"Pray let me hear what you have to accuse her of," cried Tasha Yar. "I should like to know how she behaves among strangers."
"You shall hear then -- but prepare yourself for something very dreadful. The first time of my ever seeing her in the Delta Quadrant, you must know, was at a ball -- and at this ball, what do you think she did? She danced only four dances! I am sorry to pain you -- but so it was. She danced only four dances, though officers were scarce; and, to my certain knowledge, more than one young cadet was sitting down in want of a partner. Ms Hansen, you cannot deny the fact."
"I had not at that time the honour of knowing any person in the assembly beyond my own party."
"True; and nobody can ever be introduced in a ball room. Well, Tasha Yar, what do I play next? My fingers wait your orders."
"Perhaps," said Annika, "I should have judged better, had I sought an introduction, but I am ill qualified to recommend myself to strangers."
"Shall we ask your cousin the reason of this?" said B'Elanna, still addressing Tasha Yar. "Shall we ask her why a woman of sense and education, and who has lived in the world, is ill qualified to recommend herself to strangers?"
"I can answer your question," said Tasha, "without applying to her. It is because she will not give herself the trouble."
"I certainly have not the talent which some people possess," said Annika, "of conversing easily with those I have never seen before. I cannot catch their tone of conversation, or appear interested in their concerns, as I often see done."
"My fingers," said B'Elanna, "do not move over this instrument in the masterly manner which I see so many people's do. They have not the same force or rapidity, and do not produce the same expression. But then I have always supposed it to be my own fault -- because I would not take the trouble of practising. It is not that I do not believe my fingers as capable as any other person's of superior execution."
Annika smiled, and said, "You are perfectly right. You have employed your time much better. No one admitted to the privilege of hearing you, can think any thing wanting. We neither of us perform to strangers."
Here they were interrupted by the Borg Queen, who called out to know what they were talking of. B'Elanna immediately began playing again. The Borg Queen approached, and, after listening for a few minutes, said to Annika,
"Lieutenant Torres would not play at all amiss, if she practised more, and could have the advantage of an academy master. She has a very good notion of fingering, though her taste is not equal to Data's. Data would have been a delightful performer, had his wiring allowed him to learn."
B'Elanna looked at Annika to see how cordially she assented to Data's praise; but neither at that moment nor at any other could she discern any symptom of love; and from the whole of Annika's behaviour to Data she derived this comfort for Ms Kira, that Annika might have been just as likely to marry her, had Kira been her intended.
The Borg Queen continued her remarks on B'Elanna's performance, mixing with them many instructions on execution and taste. B'Elanna received them with all the forbearance of civility; and at the request of the ladies, remained at the instrument till the queen's shuttle was ready to take them all home.
Chapter 32
B'Elanna was sitting by herself the next morning, and writing to Jadzia, while Wesley Crusher and Geordi were gone on business into the next solar system, when she was startled by the sound of the shuttle bay doors opening, the certain signal of a visitor. She thought it not unlikely to be the Borg Queen, and under that apprehension was putting away her half-finished letter that she might escape all impertinent questions, when the door opened, and to her very great surprise, Ms Hansen, and Ms Hansen only, entered the room.
Annika seemed astonished too on finding B'Elanna alone, and apologised for her intrusion by letting B'Elanna know that she had understood all the crew to be within.
They then sat down, and when B'Elanna's enquiries after the central nexus were made, seemed in danger of sinking into total silence. It was absolutely necessary, therefore, to think of something, and in this emergency recollecting when she had seen Annika last in the Delta Quadrant, and feeling curious to know what she would say on the subject of their hasty departure, B'Elanna observed,
"How very suddenly you all quitted Deep Space 9 last November, Ms Hansen! It must have been a most agreeable surprise to Mr Kim to see you all after him so soon; for, if I recollect right, he went but the day before. He and Ms Kira were well, I hope, when you left the Alpha Quadrant."
"Perfectly so -- I thank you."
B'Elanna found that she was to receive no other answer -- and, after a short pause, added,
"I think I have understood that Mr Kim has not much idea of ever returning to Deep Space 9 again?"
"I have never heard him say so; but it is probable that he may spend very little of his time there in future. He has many friends, and he is at a time of life when friends and engagements are continually increasing."
"If he means to be but little at Deep Space 9, it would be better for the neighbourhood that he should give up the place entirely, for then we might possibly get a settled family there. But perhaps Mr Kim did not take the station so much for the convenience of the neighbourhood as for his own, and we must expect him to keep or quit it on the same principle."
"I should not be surprised," said Annika, "if he were to give it up, as soon as any eligible purchase offers."
B'Elanna made no answer. She was afraid of talking longer of Annika's friend; and, having nothing else to say, was now determined to leave the trouble of finding a subject to her.
Annika took the hint, and soon began with, "This seems a very comfortable sphere. The Borg Queen, I believe, did a great deal to it when Dr Zimmerman first came to the collective."
"I believe she did -- and I am sure she could not have bestowed her kindness on a more grateful object."
"Dr Zimmerman appears very fortunate in his choice of a husband."
"Yes, indeed; his friends may well rejoice in his having met with one of the very few sensible people who would have accepted him, or have made him happy if they had. My friend has an excellent understanding -- though I am not certain that I consider Wesley marrying Dr Zimmerman as the wisest thing he ever did. He seems perfectly happy, however, and in a prudential light, it is certainly a very good match."
"It must be very agreeable to Mr Crusher to be settled within so easy a distance of his own family and vessel."
"An easy distance do you call it? It is nearly the other side of the quadrant."
"And what is that when there is a nearby wormhole? Little more than half a day's journey. Yes, I call it a very easy distance."
"I should never have considered the distance as one of the advantages of the match," cried B'Elanna. "I should never have said Wesley Crusher was settled near his family."
"It is a proof of your own attachment to Voyager. Any thing beyond the very neighbourhood of your vessel, I suppose, would appear far."
As Annika spoke there was a sort of smile, which B'Elanna fancied she understood; Annika must be supposing her to be thinking of Jadzia and Deep Space 9, and she blushed as she answered,
"I do not mean to say that an officer may not be settled too near her vessel. The far and the near must be relative, and depend on many varying circumstances. Where there is fortune to make the expence of travelling unimportant, distance becomes no evil. But that is not the case here. Dr Zimmerman and Wesley's sphere has a decent sized transwarp coil, but not such a one as will allow of frequent journeys -- and I am persuaded my friend would not call himself near his family under less than half the present distance."
Ms Hansen drew her chair a little towards B'Elanna, and said, "You cannot have a right to such very strong local attachment. You cannot have been always at Voyager."
B'Elanna looked surprised. The lady experienced some change of feeling; Annika drew back her chair, took a newspaper from the table, and, glancing over it, said, in a colder voice,
"Are you pleased with the Alpha Quadrant?"
A short dialogue on the subject of the quadrant ensued, on either side calm and concise -- and soon put an end to by the entrance of Wesley and Geordi, just returned from their journey. The tête-à-tête surprised them. Ms Hansen related the mistake which had occasioned her intruding on B'Elanna, and after sitting a few minutes longer without saying much to any body, went away.
"What can be the meaning of this!" said Wesley, as soon as she was gone. "My dear Lanna, she must be in love with you, or she would never have called on us in this familiar way."
But when B'Elanna told of Annika's silence, it did not seem very likely, even to Wesley's wishes, to be the case; and after various conjectures, they could at last only suppose her visit to proceed from the difficulty of finding any thing to do, which was the more probable from the time of year. Within doors there was the Borg Queen, books, and a billiard table, but officers and former drones cannot be always within doors; and in the nearness of the doctor's sphere, or the pleasantness of the shuttle ride to it, or of the people who lived in it, the two guests as the central nexus found a temptation from this period of flying thither almost every day. They called at various times of the morning, sometimes separately, sometimes together, and now and then accompanied by the queen. It was plain to them all that Tasha Yar came because she had pleasure in their society, a persuasion which of course recommended her still more; and B'Elanna was reminded by her own satisfaction in being with Tasha, as well as by her evident admiration, of her former favourite Tom Paris; and though, in comparing them, she saw there was less captivating softness in Tasha Yar's manners, she believed Tasha might have the best informed mind.
But why Ms Hansen came so often to the sphere, it was more difficult to understand. It could not be for society, as she frequently sat there ten minutes together without opening her lips; and when she did speak, it seemed the effect of necessity rather than of choice -- a sacrifice to propriety, not a pleasure to herself. She seldom appeared really animated. Wesley Crusher knew not what to make of her. Tasha Yar's occasionally laughing at Annika's stupidity, proved that she was generally different, which hos own knowledge of Annika could not have told him; and as he would have liked to believe this change the effect of love, and the object of that love, his friend B'Elanna, he sat himself seriously to work to find it out. -- He watched Annika whenever they were at the central nexus, and whenever she came to the sphere; but without much success. Annika certainly looked at his friend a great deal, but the expression of that look was disputable. It was an earnest, steadfast gaze, but he often doubted whether there were much admiration in it, and sometimes it seemed nothing but absence of mind.
Wesley had once or twice suggested to B'Elanna the possibility of Ms Hansen being partial to her, but B'Elanna always laughed at the idea; and Wesley Crusher did not think it right to press the subject, from the danger of raising expectations which might only end in disappointment; for in his opinion it admitted not of a doubt, that all her friend's dislike would vanish, if she could suppose Annika to be in her power.
In her kind schemes for B'Elanna, she sometimes planned her marrying Tasha Yar. She was beyond comparison the pleasantest woman; she certainly admired B'Elanna, and her situation in life was most eligible; but, to counterbalance these advantages, Ms Hansen had considerable patronage in the collective, and his cousin could have none at all.
Chapter 33
More than once did B'Elanna in her ramble across the asteroid, unexpectedly meet Ms Hansen. -- She felt all the perverseness of the mischance that should bring Annika where no one else was brought; and to prevent its ever happening again, took care to inform Ms Hansen at first that it was a favourite haunt of hers. -- How it could occur a second time, therefore, was very odd! -- Yet it did, and even a third. It seemed like wilful ill-nature, or a voluntary penance, for on these occasions it was not merely a few formal enquiries and an awkward pause and then away, but Annika actually thought it necessary to turn back and walk with her. She never said a great deal, nor did B'Elanna give herself the trouble of talking or of listening much; but it struck her in the course of their third rencontre that Annika was asking some odd unconnected questions -- about B'Elanna's pleasure in being at the central nexus, her love of solitary space-walks, and her opinion of Dr Zimmerman and Wesley Crusher's happiness; and that in speaking of the central nexus, and her not perfectly understanding the cube, Annika seemed to expect that whenever she came into the Alpha Quadrant again she would be staying there too. Annika's words seemed to imply it. Could she have Tasha Yar in her thoughts? B'Elanna supposed, if she meant any thing, she must mean an allusion to what might arise in that quarter. It distressed B'Elanna a little, and she was quite glad to find herself at the shuttle approach opposite the entrance to the doctor's sphere.
She was engaged one day, as she took a space-walk, in re-perusing Jadzia's last letter, and dwelling on some passages which proved that Jadzia had not written in spirits, when, instead of being again surprised by Ms Hansen, she saw on looking up, that Tasha Yar was meeting her. Putting away the letter immediately and forcing a smile, she said,
"I did not know before that you ever walked this way."
"I have been making the tour of the asteroid belt," Tasha replied, "as I generally do every year, and intend to close it with a call at Dr Zimmerman's sphere. Are you going much farther?"
"No, I should have turned in a moment."
And accordingly she did turn, and they walked towards their shuttles together.
"Do you certainly leave the quadrant on Saturday?" said she.
"Yes -- if Annika does not put it off again. But I am at her disposal. She arranges the business just as she pleases."
"And if not able to please herself in the arrangement, she has at least great pleasure in the power of choice. I do not know any body who seems more to enjoy the power of doing what she likes than Ms Hansen."
"She likes to have her own way very well," replied Tasha Yar. "But so we all do. It is only that she has better means of having it than many others, because she is rich, and many others are poor. I speak feelingly. A poor former drone, you know, must be inured to self-denial and dependence."
"In my opinion, any former drone can know very little of either. Now, seriously, what have you ever known of self-denial and dependence? When have you been prevented by want of money from going wherever you chose, or procuring any thing you had a fancy for?"
"These are home questions -- and perhaps I cannot say that I have experienced many hardships of that nature. But in matters of greater weight, I may suffer from the want of money. Poorer drones cannot marry where they like."
"Unless where they like officers of fortune, which I think they very often do."
"Our habits of expence make us too dependant, and there are not many in my rank of life who can afford to marry without some attention to money."
"Is this," thought B'Elanna, "meant for me?" and she coloured at the idea; but, recovering herself, said in a lively tone, "And pray, what is the usual price of a former drone? Unless the favoured drone is sickly, I suppose you would not ask above fifty thousand pieces of gold pressed latinum."
Tasha answered her in the same style, and the subject dropped. To interrupt a silence which might make Tasha fancy her affected with what had passed, B'Elanna soon afterwards said,
"I imagine Ms Hansen brought you down with her chiefly for the sake of having somebody at her disposal. I wonder she does not marry, to secure a lasting convenience of that kind. But, perhaps her ward does as well for the present, and, as Icheb is under her sole care, she may do what he likes with him."
"No," said Tasha Yar, "that is an advantage which she must divide with me. I am joined with her in the guardianship of Icheb."
"Are you, indeed? And pray what sort of guardians do you make? Does your charge give you much trouble? Young men of his age are sometimes a little difficult to manage, and if he has the true former drone spirit, he may like to have his own way."
As she spoke, B'Elanna observed Tasha looking at her earnestly, and the manner in which she immediately asked B'Elanna why she supposed Icheb likely to give them any uneasiness, convinced her that she had somehow or other got pretty near the truth. She directly replied,
"You need not be frightened. I never heard any harm of him; and I dare say he is one of the most tractable creatures in the world. He is a very great favourite with some ladies of my acquaintance, Kai Winn and Ms Kira. I think I have heard you say that you know them."
"I know them a little. Their brother is a pleasant gentleman-like man -- he is a great friend of Annika's."
"Oh! yes," said B'Elanna drily -- "Ms Hansen is uncommonly kind to Mr Kim, and takes a prodigious deal of care of him."
"Care of him! -- Yes, I really believe Annika does take care of him in those points where he most wants care. From something that she told me in our journey hither, I have reason to think Kim very much indebted to her. But I ought to beg his pardon, for I have no right to suppose that Kim was the person meant. It was all conjecture."
"What is it you mean?"
"It is a circumstance which Annika, of course, would not wish to be generally known, because if it were to get round to the lady's crew, it would be an unpleasant thing."
"You may depend upon my not mentioning it."
"And remember that I have not much reason for supposing it to be Kim. What Annika told me was merely this; that she congratulated herself on having lately saved a friend from the inconveniences of a most imprudent marriage, but without mentioning names or any other particulars, and I only suspected it to be Mr Kim from believing him the kind of young man to get into a scrape of that sort, and from knowing them to have been together the whole of last summer."
"Did Ms Hansen give you her reasons for this interference?"
"I understood that there were some very strong objections against the lady."
"And what arts did she use to separate them?"
"She did not talk to me of her own arts," said Tasha smiling. "She only told me what I have now told you."
B'Elanna made no answer, and walked on, her heart swelling with indignation. After watching her a little, Tasha asked her why she was so thoughtful.
"I am thinking of what you have been telling me," said she. "Your cousin's conduct does not suit my feelings. Why was she to be the judge?"
"You are rather disposed to call her interference officious?"
"I do not see what right Ms Hansen had to decide on the propriety of her friend's inclination, or why, upon her own judgment alone, she was to determine and direct in what manner that friend was to be happy." "But," she continued, recollecting herself, "as we know none of the particulars, it is not fair to condemn her. It is not to be supposed that there was much affection in the case."
"That is not an unnatural surmise," said Tasha, "but it is lessening the honour of my cousin's triumph very sadly."
This was spoken jestingly, but it appeared to B'Elanna so just a picture of Ms Hansen that she would not trust herself with an answer; and, therefore, abruptly changing the conversation, talked on indifferent matters till they reached the sphere. There, shut into her own room as soon as their visitor left them, she could think without interruption of all that she had heard. It was not to be supposed that any other people could be meant than those with whom she was connected. There could not exist in the universe two men over whom Ms Hansen could have such boundless influence. That she had been concerned in the measures taken to separate Mr Kim and Jadzia, she had never doubted; but she had always attributed to Ms Kira the principal design and arrangement of them. If Annika's own vanity, however, did not mislead her, she was the cause, her pride and caprice were the cause, of all that Jadzia had suffered, and still continued to suffer. Annika had ruined for a while every hope of happiness for the most affectionate, generous heart in the world; and no one could say how lasting an evil she might have inflicted.
"There were some very strong objections against the lady," were Tasha Yar's words, and these strong objections probably were, her serving on a ship as battle-worn and in need of repair as Voyager.
"To Jadzia herself," she exclaimed, "there could be no possibility of objection. All loveliness and goodness as she is! Her understanding excellent, her mind improved, and her manners captivating. Neither could any thing be urged against Captain Janeway, who, though with some peculiarities, has abilities which Ms Hansen herself need not disdain, and respectability which she will probably never reach." When she thought of her first officer, indeed, her confidence gave way a little, but she would not allow that any objections there had material weight with Ms Hansen, whose pride, she was convinced, would receive a deeper wound from the want of importance in his friend's connections, than from their want of sense; and she was quite decided at last, that Annika had been partly governed by this worst kind of pride, and partly by the wish of retaining Mr Kim for her ward.
The agitation and tears which the subject occasioned brought on a headache; and it grew so much worse towards the evening that, added to her unwillingness to see Ms Hansen, it determined her not to attend the central nexus, where they were engaged to drink tea. Wesley Crusher, seeing that she was really unwell, did not press her to go, and as much as possible prevented his husband from pressing her, but Dr Zimmerman could not conceal his apprehension of the Borg Queen's being rather displeased by her staying at the sphere.
Chapter 34
When they were gone, B'Elanna, as if intending to exasperate herself as much as possible against Ms Hansen, chose for her employment the examination of all the letters which Jadzia had written to her since her being in the Alpha Quadrant. They contained no actual complaint, nor was there any revival of past occurrences, or any communication of present suffering. But in all, and in almost every line of each, there was a want of that cheerfulness which had been used to characterize her style, and which, proceeding from the serenity of a mind at ease with itself, and kindly disposed towards every one, had been scarcely ever clouded. B'Elanna noticed every sentence conveying the idea of uneasiness with an attention which it had hardly received on the first perusal. Ms Hansen's shameful boast of what misery she had been able to inflict gave her a keener sense of her crew mate's sufferings. It was some consolation to think that Annika's visit to the central nexus was to end on the day after the next, and a still greater that in less than a fortnight she should herself be with Jadzia again, and enabled to contribute to the recovery of her spirits by all that affection could do.
She could not think of Annika's leaving the quadrant without remembering that her cousin was to go with her; but Tasha Yar had made it clear that she had no intentions at all, and agreeable as she was, B'Elanna did not mean to be unhappy about her.
While settling this point, she was suddenly roused by the sound of a shuttle docking, and her spirits were a little fluttered by the idea of its being Tasha Yar herself, who had once before called late in the evening, and might now come to enquire particularly after her. But this idea was soon banished, and her spirits were very differently affected, when, to her utter amazement, she saw Ms Hansen walk into the room. In an hurried manner Annika immediately began an enquiry after B'Elanna's health, imputing her visit to a wish of hearing that she were better. B'Elanna answered her with cold civility. She sat down for a few moments, and then getting up, walked about the room. B'Elanna was surprised, but said not a word. After a silence of several minutes, Annika came towards her in an agitated manner, and thus began,
"In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you."
B'Elanna's astonishment was beyond expression. She stared, coloured, doubted, and was silent. This Annika considered sufficient encouragement, and the avowal of all that she felt and had long felt for B'Elanna immediately followed. She spoke well, but there were feelings besides those of the heart to be detailed, and Annika was not more eloquent on the subject of tenderness than of pride. Her sense of B'Elanna's inferiority -- of its being a degradation -- of the crew's obstacles which judgment had always opposed to inclination, were dwelt on with a warmth which seemed due to the consequence she was wounding, but was very unlikely to recommend her suit.
In spite of B'Elanna's deeply-rooted dislike, she could not be insensible to the compliment of such a woman's affection, and though her intentions did not vary for an instant, she was at first sorry for the pain Annika was to receive; till, roused to resentment by her subsequent language, she lost all compassion in anger. She tried, however, to compose herself to answer Annika with patience, when she should have done. Annika concluded with representing to her the strength of that attachment which, in spite of all Annika's endeavours, she had found impossible to conquer; and with expressing her hope that it would now be rewarded by B'Elanna's acceptance of her hand. As she said this, B'Elanna could easily see that she had no doubt of a favourable answer. She spoke of apprehension and anxiety, but her countenance expressed real security. Such a circumstance could only exasperate farther, and when Annika ceased, the colour rose into B'Elanna's cheeks, and she said,
"In such cases as this, it is, I believe, the established mode to express a sense of obligation for the sentiments avowed, however unequally they may be returned. It is natural that obligation should be felt, and if I could feel gratitude, I would now thank you. But I cannot -- I have never desired your good opinion, and you have certainly bestowed it most unwillingly. I am sorry to have occasioned pain to any one. It has been most unconsciously done, however, and I hope will be of short duration. The feelings which, you tell me, have long prevented the acknowledgment of your regard, can have little difficulty in overcoming it after this explanation."
Ms Hansen, who was leaning against the mantle-piece with her eyes fixed on B'Elanna's face, seemed to catch her words with no less resentment than surprise. Her complexion became pale with anger, and the disturbance of her mind was visible in every feature. She was struggling for the appearance of composure, and would not open her lips, till she believed herself to have attained it. The pause was to B'Elanna's feelings dreadful. At length, in a voice of forced calmness, Annika said,
"And this is all the reply which I am to have the honour of expecting! I might, perhaps, wish to be informed why, with so little endeavour at civility, I am thus rejected. But it is of small importance."
"I might as well enquire," replied she, "why, with so evident a design of offending and insulting me, you chose to tell me that you liked me against your will, against your reason, and even against your character? Was not this some excuse for incivility, if I was uncivil? But I have other provocations. You know I have. Had not my own feelings decided against you, had they been indifferent, or had they even been favourable, do you think that any consideration would tempt me to accept the woman, who has been the means of ruining, perhaps for ever, the happiness of a most beloved friend?"
As she pronounced these words, Ms Hansen changed colour; but the emotion was short, and she listened without attempting to interrupt B'Elanna while she continued.
"I have every reason in the world to think ill of you. No motive can excuse the unjust and ungenerous part you acted there. You dare not, you cannot deny that you have been the principal, if not the only means of dividing them from each other, of exposing one to the censure of the world for caprice and instability, the other to its derision for disappointed hopes, and involving them both in misery of the acutest kind."
She paused, and saw with no slight indignation that Annika was listening with an air which proved her wholly unmoved by any feeling of remorse. She even looked at B'Elanna with a smile of affected incredulity.
"Can you deny that you have done it?" she repeated.
With assumed tranquillity Annika then replied, "I have no wish of denying that I did every thing in my power to separate my friend from your crew mate, or that I rejoice in my success. Towards him I have been kinder than towards myself."
B'Elanna disdained the appearance of noticing this civil reflection, but its meaning did not escape, nor was it likely to conciliate, her.
"But it is not merely this affair," she continued, "on which my dislike is founded. Long before it had taken place, my opinion of you was decided. Your character was unfolded in the recital which I received many months ago from Mr Paris. On this subject, what can you have to say? In what imaginary act of friendship can you here defend yourself? or under what misrepresentation, can you here impose upon others?"
"You take an eager interest in that gentleman's concerns," said Annika in a less tranquil tone, and with a heightened colour.
"Who that knows what his misfortunes have been, can help feeling an interest in him?"
"His misfortunes!" repeated Annika contemptuously; "yes, his misfortunes have been great indeed."
"And of your infliction," cried B'Elanna with energy. "You have reduced him to his present state of poverty, comparative poverty. You have withheld the advantages, which you must know to have been designed for him. You have deprived the best years of his life, of that independence which was no less his due than his desert. You have done all this! and yet you can treat the mention of his misfortunes with contempt and ridicule."
"And this," cried Annika, as she walked with quick steps across the room, "is your opinion of me! This is the estimation in which you hold me! I thank you for explaining it so fully. My faults, according to this calculation, are heavy indeed! But perhaps," added she, stopping in her walk, and turning towards B'Elanna, "these offences might have been overlooked, had not your pride been hurt by my honest confession of the scruples that had long prevented my forming any serious design. These bitter accusations might have been suppressed, had I with greater policy concealed my struggles, and flattered you into the belief of my being impelled by unqualified, unalloyed inclination -- by reason, by reflection, by every thing. But disguise of every sort is my abhorrence. Nor am I ashamed of the feelings I related. They were natural and just. Could you expect me to rejoice in the inferiority of your connections? To congratulate myself on the hope of relations, whose condition in life is so decidedly beneath my own?"
B'Elanna felt herself growing more angry every moment; yet she tried to the utmost to speak with composure when she said,
"You are mistaken, Ms Hansen, if you suppose that the mode of your declaration affected me in any other way, than as it spared me the concern which I might have felt in refusing you, had you behaved in a more lady-like manner."
She saw Annika start at this, but she said nothing, and B'Elanna continued,
"You could not have made me the offer of your hand in any possible way that would have tempted me to accept it."
Again Annika's astonishment was obvious; and she looked at B'Elanna with an expression of mingled incredulity and mortification. B'Elanna went on.
"From the very beginning, from the first moment I may almost say, of my acquaintance with you, your manners, impressing me with the fullest belief of your arrogance, your conceit, and your selfish disdain of the feelings of others, were such as to form that ground-work of disapprobation, on which succeeding events have built so immoveable a dislike; and I had not known you a month before I felt that you were the last person in the universe whom I could ever be prevailed on to marry."
"You have said quite enough, madam. I perfectly comprehend your feelings, and have now only to be ashamed of what my own have been. Forgive me for having taken up so much of your time, and accept my best wishes for your health and happiness."
And with these words Annika hastily left the room, and B'Elanna heard her the next moment board a shuttle and and quit the sphere.
The tumult of her mind was now painfully great. B'Elanna knew not how to support herself, and from actual weakness sat down and cried for half an hour. Her astonishment, as she reflected on what had passed, was increased by every review of it. That she should receive an offer of marriage from Ms Hansen! That Annnika should have been in love with her for so many months! so much in love as to wish to marry her in spite of all the objections which had made her prevent his friend's marrying Jadzia, and which must appear at least with equal force in Annika's own case, was almost incredible! It was gratifying to have inspired unconsciously so strong an affection. But Annika's pride, her abominable pride, her shameless avowal of what she had done with respect to Jadzia, her unpardonable assurance in acknowledging, though she could not justify it, and the unfeeling manner in which she had mentioned Mr Paris, her cruelty towards whom she had not attempted to deny, soon overcame the pity which the consideration of Annika's attachment had for a moment excited.
She continued in very agitating reflections till the sound of the Borg Queen's shuttle made her feel how unequal she was to encounter Wesley's observation, and hurried her away to her room.
Chapter 35
B'Elanna awoke the next morning to the same thoughts and meditations which had at length closed her eyes. She could not yet recover from the surprise of what had happened; it was impossible to think of any thing else, and, totally indisposed for employment, she resolved soon after breakfast to indulge herself in a shuttle ride and exercise. She was proceeding directly to her favourite asteroid, when the recollection of Ms Hansen's sometimes coming there stopped her, and instead of entering the asteroid belt, she turned her shuttle in the opposite direction. The asteroid belt was still the boundary on one side, and she soon passed the approach vector to the queen's cube.
After flying two or three times along that part of space, she was tempted, by the pleasantness of the morning, to stop along the entrance spaceway and look into the asteroid belt. The five weeks which she had now passed in the Alpha Quadrant had made a great difference, and every day was adding to the sparkle of the early stars. She was on the point of continuing her flight, when she caught a glimpse of a shuttle within the gravitation of the largest asteroid that edged the cube's trajectory; it was moving that way; and fearful of its being Ms Hansen, she was directly retreating. But the person who advanced was now near enough to see her, and flighing forward with eagerness, called her name over the intercom. She had turned away, but on hearing herself called, though in a voice which proved it to be Ms Hansen, she opened a communications channel. Annika had by that time docked with her shuttle, and sending out a file, which B'Elanna instinctively accepted, said with a look of haughty composure, "I have been flighing along the asteroid belt in the hope of meeting you. Will you do me the honour of reading that letter?" -- And then, with a slight bow, turned her shuttle, and was soon out of sight.
With no expectation of pleasure, but with the strongest curiosity, B'Elanna opened the e-mail, and, to her still increasing wonder, perceived a mail containing over two pages, written in a distinctive font. Pursuing her way along the asteroid belt, she then began it. It was dated from the central nexus, at eight o'clock in the morning, and was as follows: --
"Be not alarmed, Lieutenant, on receiving this letter, by the apprehension of its containing any repetition of those sentiments, or renewal of those offers, which were last night so disgusting to you. I write without any intention of paining you, or humbling myself, by dwelling on wishes, which, for the happiness of both, cannot be too soon forgotten; and the effort which the formation and the perusal of this letter must occasion should have been spared, had not my character required it to be written and read. You must, therefore, pardon the freedom with which I demand your attention; your feelings, I know, will bestow it unwillingly, but I demand it of your justice.
Two offences of a very different nature, and by no means of equal magnitude, you last night laid to my charge. The first mentioned was, that, regardless of the sentiments of either, I had detached Mr Kim from your friend; -- and the other, that I had, in defiance of various claims, in defiance of honour and humanity, ruined the immediate prosperity, and blasted the prospects of Mr Paris. -- Wilfully and wantonly to have thrown off the companion of my youth, the acknowledged favourite of my father, a young man who had scarcely any other dependence than on our patronage, and who had been brought up to expect its exertion, would be a depravity to which the separation of two young persons, whose affection could be the growth of only a few weeks, could bear no comparison. -- But from the severity of that blame which was last night so liberally bestowed, respecting each circumstance, I shall hope to be in future secured, when the following account of my actions and their motives has been read. -- If, in the explanation of them which is due to myself, I am under the necessity of relating feelings which may be offensive to your's, I can only say that I am sorry. -- The necessity must be obeyed -- and farther apology would be absurd. -- I had not been long in the Delta Quadrant, before I saw, in common with others, that Bingley preferred your friend to any other young woman in the country. -- But it was not till the evening of the dance at Deep Space 9 that I had any apprehension of his feeling a serious attachment. -- I had often seen him in love before. -- At that ball, while I had the honour of dancing with you, I was first made acquainted, by Captain Picard's accidental information, that Kim's attentions to Ms Dax had given rise to a general expectation of their marriage. He spoke of it as a certain event, of which the time alone could be undecided. From that moment I observed my friend's behaviour attentively; and I could then perceive that his partiality for Ms Dax was beyond what I had ever witnessed in him. Your friend I also watched. -- Her look and manners were open, cheerful, and engaging as ever, but without any symptom of peculiar regard, and I remained convinced from the evening's scrutiny, that though she received his attentions with pleasure, she did not invite them by any participation of sentiment. -- If you have not been mistaken here, I must have been in an error. Your superior knowledge of your friend must make the latter probable. -- If it be so, if I have been misled by such error, to inflict pain on her, your resentment has not been unreasonable. But I shall not scruple to assert that the serenity of your friend's countenance and air was such as might have given the most acute observer a conviction that, however amiable her temper, her heart was not likely to be easily touched. -- That I was desirous of believing her indifferent is certain, -- but I will venture to say that my investigations and decisions are not usually influenced by my hopes or fears. -- I did not believe her to be indifferent because I wished it; -- I believed it on impartial conviction, as truly as I wished it in reason. -- My objections to the marriage were not merely those which I last night acknowledged to have required the utmost force of passion to put aside in my own case; the want of connection could not be so great an evil to my friend as to me. -- But there were other causes of repugnance; -- causes which, though still existing, and existing to an equal degree in both instances, I had myself endeavoured to forget, because they were not immediately before me. -- These causes must be stated, though briefly. -- The situation of your first officer's family, though objectionable, was nothing in comparison of that total want of propriety so frequently, so almost uniformly, betrayed by himself, by your three younger crew mates, and occasionally even by your captain. -- Pardon me. -- It pains me to offend you. But amidst your concern for the defects of your crew, and your displeasure at this representation of them, let it give you consolation to consider that to have conducted yourselves so as to avoid any share of the like censure is praise no less generally bestowed on you and the eldest Ms Dax, than it is honourable to the sense and disposition of both. -- I will only say farther that, from what passed that evening, my opinion of all parties was confirmed, and every inducement heightened, which could have led me before to preserve my friend from what I esteemed a most unhappy connection. -- He left Deep Space 9 for Starfleet Academy, on the day following, as you, I am certain, remember, with the design of soon returning. --
The part which I acted is now to be explained. -- Ms Kira and Kai Winn's uneasiness had been equally excited with my own; our coincidence of feeling was soon discovered; and, alike sensible that no time was to be lost in detaching Mr Kim, we shortly resolved on joining him directly in the Alpha Quadrant. -- We accordingly went -- and there I readily engaged in the office of pointing out to my friend, the certain evils of such a choice. -- I described, and enforced them earnestly. -- But, however this remonstrance might have staggered or delayed his determination, I do not suppose that it would ultimately have prevented the marriage, had it not been seconded by the assurance, which I hesitated not in giving, of your friend's indifference. He had before believed her to return his affection with sincere, if not with equal, regard. -- But Mr Kim has great natural modesty, with a stronger dependence on my judgment than on his own. -- To convince him, therefore, that he had deceived himself, was no very difficult point. To persuade him against returning to Deep Space 9, when that conviction had been given, was scarcely the work of a moment. -- I cannot blame myself for having done thus much. There is but one part of my conduct in the whole affair, on which I do not reflect with satisfaction; it is that I condescended to adopt the measures of art so far as to conceal from him your friend's being in the area. I knew it myself, as it was known to Ms Kira, but Mr Kim is even yet ignorant of it. -- That they might have met without ill consequence is, perhaps, probable; -- but his regard did not appear to me enough extinguished for him to see her without some danger. -- Perhaps this concealment, this disguise, was beneath me. -- It is done, however, and it was done for the best. -- On this subject I have nothing more to say, no other apology to offer. If I have wounded your friend's feelings, it was unknowingly done; and though the motives which governed me may to you very naturally appear insufficient, I have not yet learnt to condemn them. --
With respect to that other, more weighty accusation, of having injured Mr Paris, I can only refute it by laying before you the whole of his connection with my family. Of what he has particularly accused me, I am ignorant; but of the truth of what I shall relate, I can summon more than one witness of undoubted veracity. Mr Paris is the son of a very respectable man, who had for many years the management of my family's flotilla of ships around Saturn; and whose good conduct in the discharge of his trust naturally inclined my father to be of service to him; and on Tom Paris, who was his god-son, his kindness was therefore liberally bestowed. My father supported him at school, and afterwards at Starfleet Academy; -- most important assistance, as his own father, always poor from the extravagance of his wife, would have been unable to give him an officer's education. My father was not only fond of this young man's society, whose manners were always engaging; he had also the highest opinion of him, and hoping Starfleet would be his profession, intended to provide for him in it. As for myself, it is many, many years since I first began to think of him in a very different manner. The vicious propensities -- the want of principle, which he was careful to guard from the knowledge of his best friend, could not escape the observation of a young woman of nearly the same age with himself, and who had opportunities of seeing him in unguarded moments, which my father could not have. Here again I shall give you pain -- to what degree you only can tell. But whatever may be the sentiments which Mr Paris has created, a suspicion of their nature shall not prevent me from unfolding his real character. It adds even another motive. My excellent father died about five years ago; and his attachment to Mr Paris was to the last so steady, that in his will he particularly recommended it to me to promote his advancement in the best manner that his profession might allow, and, if he took joined Starfleet, desired that a valuable family vessel might be his as soon as it became vacant. There was also a legacy of one thousand bars of gold pressed latinum. His own father did not long survive mine, and within half a year from these events Mr Paris wrote to inform me that, having finally resolved against joining Starfleet, he hoped I should not think it unreasonable for him to expect some more immediate pecuniary advantage, in lieu of the vessel by which he could not be benefited. He had some intention, he added, of studying the law, and I must be aware that the interest of one thousand bars of gold pressed latinum would be a very insufficient support therein. I rather wished than believed him to be sincere; but, at any rate, was perfectly ready to accede to his proposal. I knew that Mr Paris ought not to be a Starfleet officer. The business was therefore soon settled. He resigned all claim to assistance, were it possible that he could ever be in a situation to receive it, and accepted in return three thousand bars of gold pressed latinum. All connection between us seemed now dissolved. I thought too ill of him to invite him to the flotilla, or admit his society on Earth. In the Alpha Quadrant, I believe, he chiefly lived, but his studying the law was a mere pretence, and being now free from all restraint, his life was a life of idleness and dissipation. For about three years I heard little of him; but on the decease of the incumbent of the vessel which had been designed for him, he applied to me again by letter for the presentation. His circumstances, he assured me, and I had no difficulty in believing it, were exceedingly bad. He had found the law a most unprofitable study, and was now absolutely resolved on being an officer, if I would present him to the vessel in question -- of which he trusted there could be little doubt, as he was well assured that I had no other person to provide for, and I could not have forgotten my revered father's intentions. You will hardly blame me for refusing to comply with this entreaty, or for resisting every repetition of it. His resentment was in proportion to the distress of his circumstances -- and he was doubtless as violent in his abuse of me to others, as in his reproaches to myself. After this period, every appearance of acquaintance was dropt. How he lived I know not. But last summer he was again most painfully obtruded on my notice. I must now mention a circumstance which I would wish to forget myself, and which no obligation less than the present should induce me to unfold to any human being or alien. Having said thus much, I feel no doubt of your secrecy. My ward, who is more than ten years my junior, was left to the guardianship of my cousin, Tasha Yar, and myself. About a year ago, he was taken from school, and an establishment formed for her on Earth; and last summer she went with the lady who presided over it, to Io; and thither also went Mr Paris, undoubtedly by design; for there proved to have been a prior acquaintance between him and Morn, in whose character we were most unhappily deceived; and by his connivance and aid Mr Paris so far recommended himself to Icheb, whose affectionate heart retained a strong impression of Paris' kindness to him as a child, that he was persuaded to believe himself in love, and to consent to an elopement. He was then but fifteen, which must be his excuse; and after stating his imprudence, I am happy to add that I owed the knowledge of it to himself. I joined them unexpectedly a day or two before the intended elopement; and then Icheb, unable to support the idea of grieving and offending a guardian whom he almost looked up to as a mother, acknowledged the whole to me. You may imagine what I felt and how I acted. Regard for my ward's credit and feelings prevented any public exposure, but I wrote to Mr Paris, who left the place immediately, and Morn was of course removed from Icheb's charge. Mr Paris's chief object was unquestionably my ward's fortune, which is thirty thousand bars of gold pressed latinum; but I cannot help supposing that the hope of revenging himself on me was a strong inducement. His revenge would have been complete indeed.
This, Lieutenant, is a faithful narrative of every event in which we have been concerned together; and if you do not absolutely reject it as false, you will, I hope, acquit me henceforth of cruelty towards Mr Paris. I know not in what manner, under what form of falsehood, he has imposed on you; but his success is not, perhaps, to be wondered at. Ignorant as you previously were of every thing concerning either, detection could not be in your power, and suspicion certainly not in your inclination. You may possibly wonder why all this was not told you last night. But I was not then master enough of myself to know what could or ought to be revealed. For the truth of every thing here related, I can appeal more particularly to the testimony of Tasha Yar, who from our near relationship and constant intimacy, and still more as one of the executors of my father's will, has been unavoidably acquainted with every particular of these transactions. If your abhorrence of me should make my assertions valueless, you cannot be prevented by the same cause from confiding in my cousin; and that there may be the possibility of consulting her, I shall endeavour to find some opportunity of putting this letter in your hands in the course of the morning. I will only add, Omega bless you.
ANNIKA HANSEN."
To Be Continued