DISCLAIMER: Contains hints of violence, and FF relations. Nothing too sensitive, just a bit of fun. As for the title, it sure beats "crazed idea no 52." I don't own the characters, various others do.
MISC INFO: This was written late one night/very early morning, after a little idea popped into my head. Should have stayed buried, but hey.... What's the saying? Better out then in. Oh darn, sorry wrong scenario.
Kinda spoof like I guess. Make sense it not.*shrug*
Self beta -ed. So any errors are mine and mine alone.

She Who Punches First
By Hayseven

"You punched out whom."

"Ensign Paris."

"Hang on. Who?"

"Tom Paris, your ex husband. Have you acquired a hearing defect? Do you require the benefit of a Doctor?"

"No Seven. I am trying to understand this." B'Elanna was starting to wear a hole in her carpet after Seven just strolled into the spartan quarters.

"What is to understand?"

"You knock out my ex, and may I add left him with a very nice shiner. Why?"

"His attire and behaviour offended me."

"His clothing and behaviour offended you?"




How can she be so direct, yet so vague? Kahless help me.

"Did he hurt you?"


"Then why did you hit him?"

"You mean besides him being walking talking testosterone on legs?"


"Shall I list the 143 reasons why every time I see him, I would feel the very human urge to maim him?"

Smiling now, B'Elanna took a deep breath and looked at Seven calmly

"No. Just tell me why. I am not going to be visiting you in the brig when Janeway finds out."

"She knows, she was present."

Oh Kahless, this just keeps getting better and better.

"Like I stated. He was behaving in a manner I deemed appalling."

"Seven you are not making yourself clear."

Seeing how Seven was still unnerved, she took Seven's Borg hand and led her to the couch.

"Tell me what happened...please."

"I went to the Holodeck as ordered by the Captain. Most members of the crew were there imbibing alcoholic beverages. They were well underway with their party, which I must add you did not attend." An eyebrow did it's little ascent and descent.

"I was accruing liquid refreshments when I saw Tom. I am not sure but I believe I got scared."

"Seven, why would you be scared of Tom? We have all settled our differences."

"I know. But he was behaving in a gay manner, gay as in happy, and not in the homosexual sense of the word or so forth, and smiling like a Ferangi at a two-credit sale."

"He approached me, and something came over me."


"And I struck him.

B'Elanna rubbed her ridges and sighed. She still wasn't any closer to the truth.

"I saw him and I panicked."

"That is not like you. Tom must have done something."

B'Elanna could clearly see confusion on Seven's face.

"Not especially. It is just when I saw Tom, my body reacted instinctively."

"And that was to thump Tom?"


She is never going to forget I hit him. Sighing Seven made up her mind to finish the tale.

"He was wearing outlandish make up, frankly the colour did nothing for his pale pasty complexion, the shades were uncomplimentary and uneven. He had on some bright garish clothing and wore a big plastic flower on his clothing. He looked like a smiling deranged man and one who had lost what was left of his sagacity."

B'Elanna sat there dumbstruck as Seven retold the events. She also made a mental note to update her damn thesaurus.

When Seven saw that B'Elanna wasn't saying anything, she clicked her fingers and quietly asked if she was ok.

"Sure Seven, um sure. It's late, and we both had a long day."

Laying in bed that night B'Elanna chuckled to herself. Not too long ago no one would have considered that Seven had emotions, let alone get remotely scared. Now look at her.

Well who ever said life with Seven as your partner would be dull, was surely mistaken. Everyday Seven surprised her, and everyday B'Elanna treasured that fact. She was learning things about Seven that she never dreamed of. She hoped to always learn and share thing with her.

Bringing Seven closer to her, she caressed Seven's cheek as she snuggled into her wife's warm loving body. This was nirvana to B'Elanna and no where else would do.

I am glad everything clamed down, and no one is pressing charges.

Still it would have been great to see the crew's reaction.

Thankfully Tom could see the humour in it all.

But who would of thought?

My brave strong Ex Borg wife is afraid of clowns.

The End

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