DISCLAIMER: Star Trek is the property of Paramount. My brain was on holiday when I wrote this, but I just got a postcard and apparently it is having a lovely time.

By ralst

The stars look pretty tonight. They're all sparkly and mysterious, kind of like one of Chakotay's fancier bracelets. I hadn't known he was such a jewellery aficionado before we were married. Then on our wedding night he arrived in bed sporting a faux diamond tiara and a replica of a Turkish belly dancer's belt. It was very musical, if a little off putting.

"Seven, honey what are you looking at?"

He's wearing the pearl drop earrings and matching choker tonight. They look quite good against his bronzed skin. "Just looking at the stars."

"The sign of a true explorer," Chakotay says with a smile, the happiness fading as he continues. "Do you regret settling down here on New India?"

"Yes." I'm told that some people find my truthfulness a little disconcerting but I've never seen anyone faint because of it before. "Chakotay? Do you need medication?"

The normally robust and handsome figure of my husband is looking somewhat pathetic as he lies there on the floor. I fear he may even have broken the clasp on his necklace. "Chakotay!" I'm told throwing water on somebody can wake them from a faint. I am tempted but then again simply listening to him talk often has the same effect. "Janeway's out of coffee," my whisper has a remarkable effect. It is good to see seven years in the Delta Quadrant were able to teach him something.

"What! All hands to battle stations ... Seven? Seven, please tell me we have coffee?"

"We have coffee." As I watch, his whole body relaxes and he slips into a chair. It's an improvement. The last time I tried the same trick he was a drooling fool for hours.

"Did ... Did you say 'yes' before?" Oh look, his brain's woken up.


"So, you regret moving here?" I think I can actually see the wheels turning inside his little mind.

"That is correct." The man would have to be even stupider than I thought to think I could ever be happy in a non-industrialised farming community like this. I mean, they don't even have a descent data base or communication system.

"You wish we'd rejoined Voyager, like the others?" I can't believe he's asking that question. I only told him as much every night for a month. The man is truly an idiot.

"Actually, I care neither one way or the other if you return to Voyager but for myself I shall be joining the ship at the earliest opportunity."

"But ... But?"

Oh dear. His choker has come undone and the poor man is now reduced to scrabbling across the floor in an attempt to retrieve them. I hadn't realised he'd named every single bead, but I'm sure that calling them piteously from beneath the dining room table will do nothing to speed their recovery. "Chakotay?"

"Did you see Maurice and Rayne?" I fear he is lost for the evening in jewellery hell, as he first searches for and then reconstructs the joy that was his choker. I really wanted to have this all sorted out before the morning, when Voyager returns and I will leave him for good.

"Chakotay! Chakotay! We need to talk."

"Talk?" Oh no, his voice has taken on that soft and understanding tone I know will proceed his total misunderstanding of anything I say. I'd better make it brief and simple.

"I'm leaving you. I'm going to live on Voyager and get a divorce."

"A divorce? From me?"

I'm sure if I take enough deep breaths I can stop myself from hitting him over the head with a cushion. "Yes, from you."

"But why?" Oh no, the whining has begun.

"Because I don't love you. In fact, I don't even particularly like you." I'm not sure whether or not to tell him the whole truth. It would be like kicking a targ while it was down. Alternatively, if I don't he might never get the message. "I'm in love with B'Elanna. She and I are going to get married as soon as our divorce is finalised."

"B'Elanna? But what about Tom?" Okay, the man's brain has obviously atrophied.

"Tom and B'Elanna separated a year ago. You were there when he and the doctor exchanged their vows ... Remember?"

"Tom and the doctor? I remember them dancing together at a party, but I just thought they were being friendly. I mean, many friends kiss and fondle."

"Did you get too close to the warp core? Bath in an antimatter stream? Donate your brain to the canine friendship league?" I think I might have to kill Janeway and the doctor for not realising my cortical implant had seriously malfunctioned, leading to my agreeing to marry a lump of wood. Only a fool would think I could really love a big splinter like him.

"Oh." I think he's forgotten what we were talking about and will probably try and insert a story about his ancestors to fill the gap. "When I was much younger my father told me the story of the..."

"Chakotay! I'm leaving you ... Remember?"

"For B'Elanna?" By Jove! I think he's got it.

"Yes, for B'Elanna."

"B'Elanna Torres?"

"Well, how many other B'Elannas do you know?" This is going to take all year. "Just try and remember that you get out of bed on the left and have to put your clothes on before you leave the bedroom. Oh, and you probably shouldn't wear the tiara to the farming community meetings. You know how small minded they are."

"What about my belly ring?"

"Only with the red crop top. Not the dungarees." At least he seems to be taking it well. "If you have any trouble or can't find your spare tattoo or anything, just contact me on Voyager. I know the community doesn't have a proper relay, but I built a communication system into your main terminal ... The one next to your sock collection."

"Why can't I ask you those things in person?" His eyes have gone cloudy and I can tell his mind has retreated again.

"Because I'll be on Voyager, with my new wife ... Remember?"

"New wife. Got it." His eyes have suddenly developed a glint and I finally begin to feel as if I might be getting through. Then he jumps the couch and is again on his hands and knees, picking up the last of the pearls. "Maurice!"

"Oh Omega! Goodbye Chakotay, I'll write you a letter to explain this ... Again."

Well it went better than I'd hoped. B'Elanna, here I come.

The End

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