DISCLAIMER: Star Trek not mine. Sanity not mine. If I've in any way nicked a line or part of an idea from someone else's fic I apologise in advance...not that I have but as I was writing a little bell went off in my head saying it sounded familiar...although I might have just nicked if off myself, in which case I won't sue me. This is just another quickie that I didn't have to give any thought to...as you'll be able to tell when and if you read it.

Rodent, mind control and holiday cheer
By ralst

Lieutenant? You invoked the power of the Meridian time apparatus and risked a severe reprimand from Captain Janeway, to show me a humanoid in a loose rodent costume?

It's Mickey Mouse!

I believe you'll find it is a gentleman named Howard Perkins. Who is currently suffering from what he designates 'jock itch' and is only waiting for the departure of the overly rambunctious juveniles before he asks Pluto to help him scratch.

Ewwww! Seven!


You took the Meridian's Stone of Thought, didn't you?


Seven! That's theft! The Captain is going to rip you a new one as soon as we get back.

Rip me a new wha...? Oh. You have a very colourful mind Lieutenant.

Get out of my head Borg!

Very well Lieutenant. But to answer your question, I fail to see how my borrowing of the stone is any worse than your misuse of the time travel apparatus. In fact I cannot be said to have stolen the stone as we will return at exactly the same moment when I picked the item up.

You're still using it without permission from the Meridian gods.

There are no Meridian gods, therefore it would be illogical to ask them anything.

Kahless! Don't go getting all logical on....Minnie!!

Lieutenant? Lieutenant Torres, why are you embracing that human in a rodent suit? Lieutenant?

It's Minnie Seven.

A mini-Seven? She looks nothing like me B'Elanna. Did you consume large amounts of alcohol before we arrived?

Not a mini you, idiot. Minnie Mouse.

I'm sorry Lieutenant, after you advised me to keep out of your thoughts I was unaware of your rodent obsession. Is it a new mania? It would certainly explain your previous relationship with Mr Paris.

Please Seven, this is a vacation let's not mention him.

Very well. Would you rather I begin embracing rodents then Lieutenant?

They're not...Stop calling them rodents. I really don't know why I bother some times. I mean I try and give you a glimpse into my past and here you are reducing it to itching boys and rodent suits.

I apologise B'Elanna, I will in future refrain from mentioning the animalistic appearance of the human's covered in fur that you embrace.

Good...I guess.

I still fail to see how early twenty-first century Earth relates to your past or indeed these rode...Mickey and Minnie Mouse individuals.

I never thought I'd hear myself say this but you can read my mind Seven. It'll be a hell of a lot quicker than my explaining it to you.

Indeed... Interesting. Two dimensional rod... small animals, turned into characters for imaginary adventures on celluloid before being commercialised further into attractions at a theme park. Humans are very strange creatures.

No argument there.

You attended a Disney revival with your father before he left and associate these creatures with happier times. You also think I'm annoyingly arrogant but look sexy in my biosuit.


You occasionally fantasise about nibbling on my ear during staff meetings and your favourite Disney character was Dumbo because you always wanted to fly as a child.

Okay, enou...

My biosuit opens in the back and yes I would kiss you back if you ever asked me.


Very well Lieutenant, although I must state that I find the ability to read others' minds fascinating.

Did you say you'd kiss me back?

Yes. Which 'ride' do you wish to attempt first? There is quite a queue for all of them so I suggest we begin the ritual lining up immediately. I will purchase refreshments.

Wh? Hunh?

Lieutenant? Has the excitement of seeing your childhood animated heroes in the fur been too much for you? Would you like a drink of water? Or a brown fizzy beverage that appears quite popular?

I. I. I want. I mean... Hell Seven, just read my mind one last time.

B'Elanna! I believe we will be arrested if we try that and I'm not even sure the other option is physically possible.

Oh it is, believe me.

I do B'Elanna. I do.

[The Hall of Presidents was witness that day to more excitement than it had ever seen or even dreamt about before or since]

The End

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