DISCLAIMER: Star Trek is the property of Paramount, this story contains loving/sexual relationships between women.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.

Shopping with B'Elanna and Seven
By Melinda

The Captain's Ready Room

"Captain, I do not wish to go on shore leave." Seven asserted, glaring at the captain. **Of all the inefficient, irrelevant.....** The rest of Seven's thoughts have been censored. Suffice it to say, she let loose with a string of Borg curses about the captain's inefficiency, irrelevance, lack of intelligence, and suitability as a drone.

"I'm sorry, Seven, but that's an order. If you're going to reclaim your humanity, you have to learn to relax a little."

"But what should I do?"

"Just go exploring, Seven, I'm sure you'll find something worthwhile," the captain advised. "You're dismissed Seven," she added, cutting off yet another of the ex-Borg's protests.


"You've got to be kidding me!" B'Elanna declared. "The captain ordered Seven to go on shore leave?"

"That's what I heard," Harry Kim said. "I wonder what an ex-Borg does to relax?" Suddenly, the sick ideas running through the ensign's head about a certain ex-Borg's potential relaxation techniques caused Harry to pass out on the deck.

"Men!" B'Elanna huffed, stepping over Harry to get to her console to log off duty. **But what would Seven do to relax? I guess I'll just have to do a little spying to find out. This should be interesting.**

Yet another nondescript planet in the Delta Quadrant

B'Elanna kept an eye on her tricorder, tracking Seven's signal, while she wound her way through the throngs of natives and offworlders crowding the streets of the Rhyallid capital city. As the crowds thinned out, she realized that she was venturing into what was obviously the seedy part of town. The buildings around her became smaller and more run down, the streets dirtier, and the people shiftier. Loud music blared from open doorways, where hawkers cried out for passersby to come see the finest Rhyallid beauties in nothing more than what they were born in and sometimes less.

With great difficulty, B'Elanna fought the desire to turn aside from her personal mission to fulfill her curiosity about what a Rhyallid female would look like nude. (Purely professional curiousity, of course. She was an explorer after all.) She just had to see what would bring a stoic ex-Borg to a place like this.

Suddenly, her tricorder let out a proximity alarm, informing the engineer that Seven of Nine was close. She followed the signal to an establishment that seemed intentionally concealed from outside observation. Only a small doorway marred the brick facade. There were no windows to speak of. As she entered, B'Elanna realized just why that was. The place appeared to be some sort of sex shop for the purchase of sexual aides and pornography.

**What would bring Seven in here?** B'Elanna pondered, searching the aisles for her crewmate. **I didn't even know Seven cared about sex.** The thought of Seven and sex made the Klingon swoon. Fortunately for B'Elanna, Klingons...even half-Klingons...don't faint. She came upon Seven standing in a hidden corner, glaring at a strange phallic object.

"Um...Seven?" The Klingon cleared her throat.

"Yes, Lieutenant Torres?" Seven responded, in the same tone she used when standing at her dais in Astrometrics. There wasn't a hint of emotion in her voice, no sign that she found it unusual to be approached by a crewmember while examining alien sex toys.

"Erm...I was kind of curious about...um...what you'd be doing on shore leave. So, uh...what brings you here?" **So, what brings a nice Borg like you to a place like this? Really nonchalant, Torres. I swear I used to be able to talk coherently.**

"The captain suggested I explore. I found myself here."

"Oh. Um...do you..er.. realize what this place is? I mean, um...uh..."

"I am fully aware of my surroundings, Lieutenant. I find this place...intriguing."

If B'Elanna didn't know better she'd swear she saw Seven blush. Of course, Borg do not blush.

"Okay, um....I guess I'll see you later." **There's no dishonor in retreat. Live to fight another day. Oh, fuck it, Run! Torres. Run!**

"Lieutenant?" Seven called out to a rapidly retreating Klingon engineer. "I am unable to understand some of these objects. Perhaps, you could explain them to me?" If Seven didn't know better she'd swear she saw B'Elanna blush. Of course, Klingons do not blush.

"Sure. But..um..maybe you should call me B'Elanna if we're going to discuss something so personal?" **I have survived combat...I can survive this. Really, I can. Kahless! Damn my curiousity. I really must mind my own freaking business from here on out.**

"That is acceptable, B'Elanna."

"So, what do you want to know?"

"What is the purpose of these artifacts?"

As she fumbled with the answer to the ex-Borg's question, B'Elanna found a spot on the floor quite intriguing indeed. "Well, they're for...um...sexual gratification. Generally they're used when a person is alone...but...um...they can be used for making a couple's sex life more...um..interesting."

"How can a person achieve sexual gratification while alone? My research indicates that copulation requires two participants."

"Well, um...copulation does....but...er...masturbation doesn't." **Where's a localized subspace anomaly when you need one?**

"Masturbation? I did not cover this activity in my research, nor did the doctor cover it in my lessons on humanoid sexuality. You are attempting to deceive me."

**She doesn't know what masturbation is? No wonder she's so damned tense!** "No, I'm not, Seven. You can look it up when you get back to Voyager. Masturbation....well, it's what a person does when they're aroused, but don't have a sexual partner readily available. You can get aroused...I mean can't you?....you know...with the Borg systems and all."

"I am fully capable of experiencing arousal, Lieutenant."

"So...I mean...what do you do...I mean...you must get frustrated." **What I wouldn't do for a good earthquake or flood or something right about now.**

"I implement Vulcan meditation techniques."

**Boring!** " Oh. Well, most people masturbate. It's quite...um...efficient."

"Indeed. I will research this matter further when I return to Voyager."

"Well, um...if that's all..." **Run, Torres! Run!**

"Actually, I was curious about this object in particular." Seven indicated the strange phallic object she'd been glaring at when the engineer arrived. "Is this an accurate representation of the Rhyallid male's genitals?"

"I wouldn't know, but I kind of doubt it. Um...sometimes enhancements are made to the...the...er basic design to make it more pleasurable. ahem.." **I'm going to die. Barge of the dead, here I come!"

"So, these ridges are for the enhancement of sexual pleasure?"

"yeah, I guess...maybe...um.." **I'm already dead. I'm in Grethor. What did I do to deserve this? I've been such a well-behaved Klingon lately.**

"Interesting. So, why is it purple?"


B'Elanna's incoherent babbling was cut short by the arrival of Ensign Tal Celes and Lt. Tina, holding hands and giggling to each other. "Lieutenant Torres. Seven," they said in unison, jumping to attention despite being out of uniform.

"We didn't expect to find you here...We were just...um.." Lt. Tina blurted, beads of sweat forming on her forehead.

"Your business, Lieutenant" B'Elanna assured her, glad for the distraction. "I was just...um..explaining to Seven...I mean...um.."

"Your business, Lieutenant. I just needed to um...if I may.." Lt. Tina reached between the two officers to grab one of the objects they'd been discussing just moments before. "um...Purple is her favorite color," she pointed out, indicating Tal Celes, who suddenly turned shades of red never before seen on a Bajoran.

B'Elanna barely choked back a laugh at the horrified look on the Bajoran ensign's face. **A certain lieutenant won't be trying out her new toy any time soon by the looks of it.**

Noticing the Klingon's enjoyment at Tal Celes' discomfort, Seven decided a little intervention was necessary. "B'Elanna? Red is my favorite color. Do you think they have it in red?" Seven asked, staring at the engineer with a feigned look of childlike glee.

Now, it was Lt. Tina who struggled to hold back a snicker at the Klingon's predicament. "It's not...um....what it looks like...I was just...um..there's nothing..."

"Your business, Lieutenant. See you back on Voyager." Lt. Tina offered, beating a hasty retreat with a still stunned Tal Celes. As they walked off, the enhanced hearing abilities of both senior officers picked up on their whispered comments.

"See I told you they were together."

"Well, it's just...I mean...it's Seven."

"It's always the quiet ones," Lt. Tina smiled down at her own quiet dynamo with a look of anticipation.

B'Elanna looked at Seven, hoping she hadn't heard that, only to see the Borg smirking at her.


"You enjoyed Tal Celes' discomfort. Why?"

"It was funny. I mean, come on, the look on her face was priceless!" The engineer snickered.

"Indeed. I found the look on your face far more amusing." Seven smirked. Her optical implant nearly escaping her forehead.

"Oh..I owe you for that one, Borg. And don't you forget it!" **Great! Seven develops a sense of humor and it's at my expense.**

"I have an eidetic memory. I do not forget anything, B'Elanna."

"Right. Anyway, if that's all of your questions...I'm going to ...um...go exploring some more...and um..."

"That is all, B'Elanna. Thank you for your assistance. You may escape now."

"Oh. Well, it's not like...um.." **Run, Torres! Run!" And run she did, away from the sexually curious Borg and all the mental images she caused.

B'Elanna Torres's Quarters 0200 hours

As B'Elanna contemplated her fifth mug of Klingon blood wine, the door chime sounded, indicating a late night visitor.

**Now, who would come at this hour?** B'Elanna wondered, grateful for the distraction from the various loud noises emanating from next door.


Seven of Nine entered and stood at attention mere feet away from the door. If B'Elanna didn't know better, she'd swear the ex-Borg looked nervous. Of course,...say it with me...Borg do not experience nervousness.

"I have disturbed you. I will return at another time."

"No, Seven. I'm glad for the company. I couldn't sleep," B'Elanna explained, indicated the room next door. "Too much noise."

"Are those not Lt. Tina's quarters?" Seven asked, becoming aware of the moans and grunts emanating through the walls.

"Yep. I'm tempted to go over there and bust her down a rank for disturbing a senior officer, but I don't think regulations allow it."

"Indeed. It appears that Tal Celes is a...lucky woman."

"Yep, I guess you could say that. I just wish she didn't advertise her luck so damned loudly. Well, what did you need Seven?"

"I researched the information we discussed earlier. It has raised many questions."

"Well, have a seat." B'Elanna offered, knocking clothing and various pads off the couch.

After Seven complied with the engineer's request, she stared silently at a very interesting spot on the far wall.

"Well, what did you want to know, Seven?" **Thank Kahless I'm drunk this time.**

"After researching humanoid masturbation techniques and their relationship to sexual fantasy, I attempted to put this research into practice. I found it...confusing."

"Confusing?" **Okay, playing with yourself is really not that complicated.**

"I found that the sexual images most conducive to arousal included an individual with whom I have had a rather hostile relationship. This individual would not be a suitable mate. Why would I find thoughts of this individual arousing?"

"Well, Seven, it depends on this person's species to some extent. But sometimes hostility can mask our true feelings. ..especially those of a more passionate nature. Especially when you don't want to be attracted to someone or you think the person is unattainable." **EWWWW! Seven has a crush on Chakotay. No freaking way! Gross!**

"Indeed. Do you have any experience with this phenomenon?"

"Well, um...I'm Klingon or half-Klingon at least. Hostility and passionate feelings often go hand in hand. We're not as violent in our relationships as most people say, but sometimes hostility can become involved." **Whew. Completely ambiguous. I'm becoming an expert at this. Just don't ask for any details...**

"Interesting. Perhaps I should research this matter further."

"Perhaps you should. If you have any other questions..." B'Elanna's response and her breathing came to an abrupt end as she noticed Seven leaning towards her...



Seven leaned in and pressed her lips against the Klingon's, bringing her hand to tangle in B'Elanna's hair. The kiss lasted for but a brief moment, but it left them both breathless. Seven was the first to recover.

"Interesting. I will indeed research this matter further." The ex-Borg then abruptly stood and headed for the door, until a frustrated Klingon's voice stopped her mid-stride.

"Seven, if you take one more step, your death will be slow and painful. You just can't kiss someone, then walk away."

Seven didn't even turn around. "I apologize for offending you, Lieutenant. I was simply curious. It will not happen again."

"What?" B'Elanna proclaimed before tackling Seven to the floor as she tried once again to head for the exit. As she stared into Seven's eyes, B'Elanna could swear she saw fear written there. "I'm not offended Seven. Far from it. In fact, I want to do it again soon and often." The Klingon leaned into the ex-Borg, her lips cutting off a breathless "Indeed?"

"Now, that's better." B'Elanna proclaimed after catching her breath. "I like you when you're speechless."

"What does this mean, B'Elanna?"

"Mean? You really are dense for someone so brilliant, you know that? It means that I want to have a relationship with you. I find you extremely attractive physically, intellectually, emotionally, uh ... Did I mention physically?"

B'Elanna smirked in her best ex-Borg impression.

"Yes, I believe you did. However, if we are to engage in a relationship, I believe we should establish the parameters of our interactions in the future."

"Parameters? Oh right...Ground rules. Okay, let's talk." B'Elanna helped the Seven off the floor and led her back to the couch. "Okay, ground rules. First, you should stop barging into engineering all the time."


"Well, it makes me look bad in front of my crew; it's frustrating; and to be honest, it kind of turns me on."

"Indeed, then perhaps I should do it more often."

"I've created a monster. Alright, do you have any groundrules you'd like to offer?"

"Yes. If I am to spend substantial amounts of time in these quarters, you will organize this mess."

"Are you ordering me to clean up my room? What do I get if I comply?" B'Elanna gave Seven an evil, rakish grin that would turn duranium to jelly.

"Perhaps you should consider what you will not get if you do not comply." Seven responded with an evil grin of her own.

"You wouldn't? You would. But Seven, my dear, wouldn't that punish you as much as me. Do you really think that's a good idea."

Confusion and frustration warred in the ex-Borg's eyes for a moment before she spoke again. "You are correct. The reward system would be more...efficient."

**woohoo I win. No withholding the Borg-enhanced sex! Oh Kahless. I'm going to have sex with Seven.** B'Elanna swooned. Fortunately for her, (yeah, you see it coming) Klingons do not faint.

"Any other orders, Seven?"

"Indeed." Seven leaned in and began whispering in B'Elanna's ear. Various parts of the engineer jumped to attention.

"Sir, yes, sir! I will comply!"

Next door in Lt. Tina's quarters

Lt. Tina and Tal Celes continued on as noisily as before, however, they were no longer a disturbance to their two senior officers in Lt. Torres' quarters, who were busy making disturbing sounds of their own. In fact, neither Seven nor B'Elanna noticed the abrupt change in the strange noises coming from Lt. Tina's quarters when she discovered that Bajoran ridges also enhance sexual pleasure.

The End

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