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By alastria7

"Personal Log: B'Elanna Hansen-Torres.

It wouldn't have been half as difficult as this if I could have walked away, ignored you. I could have got on with my life then. OK, lonelier without you, but I wouldn't have realised that, would I?

But no, I had to stay. I had to let my heart out of its isolation, allowing it to become wed to your heart and its needs - merging your reality with mine, somehow meeting in the middle, two worlds into one. Or, more correctly, two worlds creating a third, where the old fell away in favour of the new.

It wouldn't have been half as difficult if we'd split years ago, a mutually agreed situation with the joint admissions of having run out of love. But no, we didn't run out of love, we found more. You had to stay. Me too.

You had to spend 65 years telling me I was your life, and then you had to remove yourself from me, surrendering to forces far beyond either of us.

I may not forgive you for that. Although I'm going to try, in favour of all the years in which we were so happy, I'm going to try. Later.

Now? Now I'm mad! Now, I'm writing letters to some Higher Power. Ransom notes in reverse, pleading `Could You love her any more than I do? Give her back!'

It wouldn't be half as difficult if this picture of you, that I take to bed with me, wasn't so filled with memories of that happy day. I hold it to my chest and try to fall asleep through the tears, knowing that wherever you are now, we must surely break the boundaries of death, for you ARE me, after all these years, and I you. There is no division. `They' couldn't separate us completely without drawing blood.

It wouldn't be half as difficult if I didn't hurt, so very much - if I didn't still love you, so very much.

Darling? Wait for me?

Soon, I promise.


Computer - end personal log"

The End

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