It Started with a Kiss
Nikki Wade sat in the bedroom of her shabby student house. Alongside her sat a half-drunk bottle of wine and an ashtray with a few roll-up butts in. She sighed heavily. Times like this had become more and more frequent over the past few months where she would sit and just drink to block out the pain of depression she was encountering. Her mind wandered back to her best friend, Helen Stewart.
Their friendship was a close and confusing one, well confusing for Nikki anyway. They had become friends following an 'incident' at a Halloween bash in their first year at university. That's all Nikki would refer to it as in reality, it was a three-way kiss with Helen and another guy, with each of them handcuffed in some way to the other. Nikki, not wanting Helen to think she was some kind of scary lesbian, actively sought out Helen to become friends with her. Helen, not wanting Nikki to think she was some kind of scary lesbian, actively sought out Nikki to become friends with her. This resulted in the two drinking until they passed out. A beautiful friendship was born.
The pair found they had much in common and made going out and getting slaughtered a weekly routine for the pair. The only painful part, in Nikki's opinion, was that she was scared of getting to close to Helen. After a few weeks going to various bars, they settled on a karaoke bar that dished out free tequila. It was then that Nikki discovered that Helen was a complete and utter flirt, and would readily dirty dance with Nikki at every opportunity.
Helen had been cool with Nikki's sexuality from the beginning. Helen had confirmed that she was straight (a point which Nikki had registered with disappointment), but that she had no problems with that kind of thing as she had kissed many women in drunken dares. Nikki was so grateful that someone accepted her for who she was, she had allowed herself to become close to Helen on a really deep level.
Then there was THE kiss. After yet another drunken karaoke and tequila binge, they had all ended up at Nikki's place. More shots, joints and drinking games ensued, eventually ending up with a game of 'spin the bottle'. Although Nikki hadn't actually initiated the game, she was inwardly grinning as she worked out there were very good odds she would end up sharing a proper kiss with Helen. There was a cheer from all the guys in the room as, a few minutes into the game, a slightly embarrassed Helen and Nikki faced each other to share their first kiss. Helen, completely unaware of what this was doing to Nikki's body, readily grabbed Nikki's head and proceeded to give her a full on kiss. Nikki completely relaxed into the kiss and brought her right hand up to gently pull Helen's face further into the kiss. When they parted, Helen sat back down and grabbed the bottle to spin again, as if nothing had happened. Nikki seriously hoped the others would blame her lack of coherence on the amount of alcohol she had consumed. It was then that she started to fall
As Nikki sat on her bed, staring at the bottle of wine, trying to find the co-ordination to lift it to her mouth, she felt despair at these feelings she was having. Sure, she had had feelings for friends before, but them not knowing her sexuality made it easy for her to cover them up and not to entertain them. She set the bottle down and lay back on her bed, replaying the night when her feelings got the better of her.
Everything had been fine for over a year after that. Nikki fancied the pants off Helen. Helen knew it. And Helen loved it, played on it, and drove Nikki up the wall with frustration. She had even gone so far as to publicly snog Nikki in their karaoke bar to amuse a group of men who had taken an interest in their style of dancing. Men. They were Helen's biggest downfall she loved men, loved sex and flirted wildly with the notions it captured. But Nikki was fine with it - Helen was her best friend and she knew better than to even entertain the idea of risking what she had. And Nikki knew Helen was straight sure she had kissed a few girls, but that doesn't make anybody with access to alcohol gay!
So when she and Helen had gone for their weekly Sunday 'slagging drink' (a release for them to bitch about their respective housemates) a few weeks ago, Nikki was incredibly surprised (and rather turned on) when Helen revealed under the influence of their many drinks, that she had gone so far as to sleep with a woman! This revelation, unfortunately let a part of Nikki's mind she had kept under lock and key, roam freely. This was, of course, the part of her that was never allowed to entertain the notion of anything ever happening between Helen and herself. Boy was her mind entertaining that night!!
Nikki had managed to pinpoint that night as the start of the downward spiral she was now in. She had become angry with herself because Helen was the one person she didn't want to be having these feelings for. A torrent of self-abuse and drinking ensued. Nikki had managed to keep most of it quiet, as she didn't want Helen getting wind of her feelings.
She had started seeing Trish soon after, which helped a lot. Her and Trish got on really well, and whilst Nikki knew she would never get Helen out of her heart, having someone to love at least got the notions out of her head. Trish was aware of Nikki's attraction to Helen she never approved of their dirty dancing, but knew that it meant nothing to Helen.
When Trish and Nikki broke up a few months later, it ended really badly Helen was round Nikki's in minutes, comforting her and agreed to stay the night. Although the pain of the break up was at the front of her mind, she couldn't help thinking of the irony of the situation: Her and Trish's relationship had broken up, and now Helen was in her bed! She mentally slapped herself for thinking that at a time like this.
Helen and Nikki's friendship came on leaps and bounds after that, as Helen found she had Nikki to herself again. That week, Nikki had to remind herself to breathe when Helen opted for straddling Nikki's lap and giving her a crushing hug after a few tequilas. Helen's confession had got Nikki thinking a lot from her recent observations, Helen seemed to become less straight the more alcohol she drank. It was an observation noted by more than just Nikki.
A week later at another university party, Karen, one of Helen's housemates questioned Nikki about some rather recent looking cuts on her arm. She had tried to brush them off as old scars from her teens, but Karen saw right through her and showed her a few recent cuts of her own. Nikki was gob smacked she always thought Karen was a pillar of emotional well being, yet here she was, baring her scars and soul to Nikki. After the amount of trust Karen had shown her just then, Nikki confessed what had got her so down. "Please don't tell anyone, but .. I have a thing for Helen and I can't help it, she's my best friend, I hate myself so much .." Nikki had said before being enveloped in a hug from Karen. It felt good to get it off her chest at last. Would have been even better had Helen not seen the whole display from afar. Helen saw Nikki was upset, but to see her turn to Karen instead of herself got her thinking she'd done something to upset Nikki.
Nikki decided to call it a night and went home. When she got back, there was a text message on her mobile from Helen. "Don't know what's going on, but you can always talk to me. H xxx" Nikki, in her drunken state, replied, "I know I can, but it would affect our friendship 2 much. Need 2 deal on my own xxxxx"
Helen was still worried she'd done something wrong so she went round to Nikki's the next night, where she found her in her usual position of sitting on bed, bottle in one hand, roll-up in the other.
"I'm sorry." She said from the doorway.
Nikki looked up. "What for?" she asked.
Helen shrugged, "whatever I did last night to upset you."
Nikki chuckled if she didn't laugh she'd cry. Helen thought she was to blame! Nikki felt bad for letting her think that. She decided she had better come clean. Nikki motioned for Helen to sit down. "Its not you, its me." She said glumly.
Helen was still puzzled, but sat down, facing Nikki and waiting for an explanation.
"Well," Nikki started. This was going to be a lot harder than she thought. "I got upset last night because, well, I was, er I was angry with myself cos I've started to have feelings for you that a best friend shouldn't have." She finished quickly, not daring to look at Helen's reaction. "I'm sorry." She added in a small voice.
Nikki felt her self being pulled into a hug. "Shh, its ok" she heard Helen say. She didn't know she was crying until she felt Helen wipe away a tear that had slipped down her cheek. "I knew."
"Huh?" Nikki asked, surprised.
"Nikki, I know how you feel about me you don't have to worry." She replied, giving Nikki's shoulder a rub. Seeing Nikki, still looked a bit uncomfortable, Helen added, "I like being irresistible anyway!"
Nikki gave her a playful shove, and handed Helen the bottle of wine their friendship was intact and Nikki felt a lot better about herself. Her and Helen laughed and joked for the rest of the evening, the conversation only turning heavy again when Helen noticed the cuts on Nikki's arm. Helen just held Nikki's arm up with a stern look on her face.
"What the hell is this?" Helen asked not sure whether to be worried or annoyed.
"Nothing" Nikki replied quietly, trying to cover it up with her shirt.
Helen grabbed her arm and ran her thumb over the fresh scars. Nikki flinched as she caught a raw one. "I got angry." She managed, embarrassed Helen had seen them.
"With who?" Helen asked, incredulously.
"Me. I was angry with myself at feeling that way about you cos, well, we're close and I felt bad. I'm trying to sort my head out y'know? I'll be fine in a week or so." Nikki looked sheepish now.
Helen still couldn't understand why Nikki felt the need to harm herself, "why you though? Why cut yourself?"
Nikki sighed she hated having to explain her actions to anyone it made her feel like a head case, "because the outer pain lets out the inner pain" she said matter-of-factly, as she had explained many times before.
"Please don't do it anymore." Helen said, looking into her eyes. "Cos one day you might go too far." She looked down, not being able to hold Nikki's gaze for the last bit. Helen pulled her into a hug. "Promise me?"
"I promise" Nikki replied. This time she meant it.
Nikki was genuinely surprised by Helen's reaction on that night. Helen had obviously cut down on the flirting when they went out since, but that didn't bother Nikki too much because at least she wasn't led on too much. They carried on as usual Helen stalking the boys (and always catching them due to her looks and flirty nature) and Nikki stalking the girls (catching one occasionally, but usually happy to get plastered). It didn't bother Nikki when she often turned round to find Helen with her tongue down some random blokes neck the occasional thoughts of 'what if' would flash through her head, but the feelings of jealousy and hurt had diminished. 'I'm over her' Nikki thought happily to herself.
The next week confirmed her thoughts were not entirely accurate. Helen pulled a regular at the karaoke bar, who had been after her for weeks. Nikki took an instant dislike to him, but told Helen she was pleased for her after it became obvious the attraction was mutual. Helen and Nikki were stomping out the moves to Sophie Ellis-Bextor's 'Murder On The Dancefloor' one of their favourite songs as it involved the attentions of most of the men in the room, when Thomas, the object of Helen's affections, took the mic to sing. As he started off the slow ballad, Helen pulled Nikki to her to slow dance it. They started a slow, flirtatious dance, which the other men loved. It was then that the lyrics filtered into Nikki's ears "feel her breath on my face, her body close to me, can't look in her eyes, she's out of my reach" Nikki swallowed as she suddenly recognised the song and anticipated the next part with dread, "just a fool to believe I have anything she needs" Helen felt Nikki swallow and hugged her tighter. She ran her hands up and down Nikki's back in a move that said 'I know'. Nikki was relieved when the song finished and made a hasty exit to the toilets praying that Helen wouldn't follow. As she touched up the eyeliner that had become slightly moist with the tears that had threatened to escape on the dancefloor, she sighed. Would she ever get over Helen?
(Lyrics from Patrick Swayze's 'She's Like The Wind')
Nikki decided to put it out of her mind for the rest of the night, sinking a few tequilas in the process. that's gonna hurt tomorrow she thought to herself, but by that time she was too pissed to care. As the end of the night came round and their group of slightly worse-for-wear friends staggered out the door, Nikki was silently pleased that Thomas had not followed Helen home.
Nikki did not see Helen in uni the next day probably for the best, as she didn't know if Helen was aware of how much that song had affected her. She was just thinking about implementing a careful 'avoidance' strategy (with the exception of Wednesdays of course), when Helen sent her a text: "Thomas found a new karaoke 2nite don't wanna go on my own, please come? Let me know Hxxx"
Nikki was not overly keen on going anywhere that Thomas was, but Helen seemed like she didn't want to get out of her depth too quickly. Without a second thought, she texted back: "Sure. Where? When? I'm all urs! xx" Nikki couldn't resist the flirtatious tone of her reply but that was kind of expected between the two friends.
Nikki had dragged her housemate Cassie along for the evening, as the thought of playing gooseberry to Helen and 'Dickface' as Nikki had so eloquently named Thomas the previous evening. Lowering him to a mere description whenever she was to mentally refer to him made her feel slightly better even if she did know it was petty. As the three of them sat and waiting for Dickface to arrive, Cassie found it rather amusing as she watched Nikki and Helen quietly nursing their drinks. They were silently trying to find the courage to drink them after the last night's tequila binge.
"God, look at you two! Can't handle the booze from last night ha!" she teased.
Nikki could not help but rise to the challenge, and went to the bar to buy four shots. She decided on something slightly more palatable than tequila, and returned to the table with four bright red shots of Aftershock! She handed one to Helen, who pulled a face, placed one in front of herself, and two right under Cassie's nose. "For the lady who can handle her booze!" Nikki said triumphantly, as she saw the look of dread creep across Cassie's face. They had shared a student house for the past six months, and if Nikki had learned anything about her blonde housemate, it was that she had a REALLY low tolerance to Aftershock!
They knocked back their shots, considerably improving their mood, and started perusing the karaoke lists for potential songs. The DJs were only just setting up their equipment, but Helen and Nikki always arrived early in order to get maximum exposure to the microphone! The night went reasonably ok Nikki had decided on the fact that she hated Dickface when he was constantly pawing Helen. She was happier when Helen disclosed that she found him really annoying when he FINALLY left her alone for two seconds to speak to his friends.
"I wish he wouldn't be so bloody possessive!" she drawled. Nikki sniggered. As if to psychically pick up on the fact that Helen was enjoying herself without the contact of his hands, Dickface promptly came over and gave Helen a shoulder massage. Cassie could see Nikki getting pissed off with the guy and suggested a game of pool. As they left the table, Nikki sent Helen a text: "I could give a better massage than that" with a wink, she followed Cassie to the pool table.
"That guy's a complete nob!" Cassie giggled as she missed a shot. Cassie was usually brilliant at pool, but her co-ordination was somewhat obscured by the Aftershock from earlier. That, washed down with a pint, and the game was Nikki's.
"Yeah tell me about it." Nikki replied with a glare in Dickface's direction.
Cassie came up behind Nikki and whispered in her ear, "It wouldn't have anything to do with a certain crush that a certain Nikki has on a certain Helen, would it by any chance?"
Nikki just shrugged her shoulders and headed for the bar. Nikki and Cassie had developed a good friendship. They were both lesbian, and after a bungled attempt at a relationship in their first year, found they got on rather well as friends. They often sat and discussed various would-be relationships over a few cans.
The evening was going reasonably well for Nikki she had sung a few songs, drank a LOT of alcohol and was steering her train of thought away from spitting in Dickface's oh-so-inviting pint quite admirably. Although steam was seeping out of her ears at Dickface's obvious attempt to keep Helen to himself all evening, she managed to disguise it. The DJ calling her up to sing again distracted Nikki, but she cringed when she remembered her choice of song. "Always, by Bon Jovi" was written on the blue screen in big yellow letters. no going back now she thought to herself.
Nikki decided to concentrate on the screen and ignore the rest of the bar seeing Dickface and Helen cosying-up during it would have been too much to take. Nikki looked up and found Helen standing in front of her, watching intently as she found herself singing the lyrics, "I wish I was him, cos those words are mine, to say to you 'til the end of time" straight to Helen's face. To her surprise, Helen smiled and blew her a kiss. As the song ended and Nikki hastily returned the mic to its holder, she was enveloped in a crushing hug by Helen. "That was great babe." She whispered into Nikki's ear Nikki felt all the hairs on the back of her neck stand up as Helen's breath caught them.
Just then the bar signalled the end of last orders. Nikki busied herself with the rest of her drink and her coat, resigned to the fact that Helen would undoubtedly be taking Thomas home with her. Nikki acknowledged to herself that she had actually referred to Thomas as Thomas, and not Dickface. it's a start she thought, time to stop being a bitch and get over it. She gave Helen a hug and a kiss on the cheek, and nodded an acknowledgement to Thomas. That was as much as he was getting! Cassie linked her arm through Nikki's and steered her in the direction of home.
As they were walking back, Cassie noticed Nikki's quiet mood. "You've got to get over her Nik, move on."
Nikki sighed, "yeah, but its kinda hard when she's like that with me."
"She's leading you on."
"She's not. She's just, well, affectionate."
"She's leading you on."
Nikki was silent she knew Helen was flirtatious, but she enjoyed the contact with her, even if it did drive her crazy sometimes. "So how do I get over her then?" Nikki asked as she tried to fit the front door key into the lock.
Cassie took the keys off her, found the RIGHT key (smirking at Nikki in the process) and pushed Nikki in through the open door. She closed the door behind them and they found themselves in close proximity in the narrow hall. Neither one knew who started the kiss, but after the initial surprise of the incident, alcohol fuelled passion took over and they almost ran up to Nikki's bedroom.
After negotiating Nikki's bedroom door lock (Nikki had actually managed to get the right key this time!), the pair fell on the bed.
"We probably shouldn't be doing this" Nikki breathed as she pulled off Cassie's top.
"Nope" Cassie replied as she wrenched Nikki's tight t-shirt over her head, "but do you care?"
Nikki shook her head as she released Cassie's bra clasp. Neither seemed to care or worry about implications Nikki wanted human contact and Cassie, well, Cassie just wanted a shag
Nikki was woken by an incoming text message on her mobile. Trying to untangle herself from a naked Cassie, she leaned over to retrieve her phone from the bedside table. The message was from Helen "Oh god, neva doin that again Thomas is split personality boy! Complete freak! Tell u 2moro meet 4 lunch?xx"
It didn't sound that serious well at least Helen wouldn't be seeing him again from her text message! Nikki resolved to ring Helen as soon as Cassie returned to her own room. Nikki's stirring had obviously woken Cassie, as Nikki felt a hand lazily trail across her chest to play with her nipple. Cassie leaned up and gave Nikki a cheeky grin and a kiss before snuggling back against Nikki. It felt strange Cassie was her friend and housemate, yet here they were sharing a very non-friendly moment. Well quite a few if her memory had served her.
"What time is it?" Cassie asked, her voice thick with sleep.
"Uh" Nikki leaned and looked at the illuminated display on her phone, "nearly three."
Cassie's hand resumed its playful ministrations on Nikki's breast and started to make a very slow journey down. Nikki's stomach muscles involuntarily clenched as Cassie's fingertips slightly grazed the skin. Nikki took in a sharp intake of breath as the hand continued down the outside of a thigh and nails teasingly scraped up the inside of her thigh. Nikki reached up to grasp one of Cassie's small, pert breasts but her hand was slapped away. This was a battle for power as opposed to their quest to satisfy each other just a few hours ago. Cassie wanted Nikki to lie there and submit to whatever Cassie dealt her; Nikki suspected it had turned into a teasing match as Cassie's eyes flickered with amusement. She was deliberately touching and stroking Nikki everywhere, except for where she most wanted to be touched. Nikki was getting painfully aroused by Cassie's tactics and desperately wanted release oh, and to tease Cassie ten times worse than that! As Cassie's fingertips barely brushed the top of Nikki's pubic line, Nikki arched her hips up to get some kind of contact with Cassie's fingers. As she did, Cassie felt Nikki's wetness already apparent and took pity on her. She set a strong, fast rhythm which took Nikki over the edge almost instantly. It took Nikki a moment to recover before she started her revenge on Cassie
When Nikki woke up the next morning, Cassie was already up. Nikki padded downstairs in her dressing gown to find Cassie, with a somewhat dishevelled appearance, making a coffee.
"Hey" Nikki called from the kitchen doorway.
"Hey yourself" Cassie replied over her shoulder.
An air of awkwardness crept over the pair.
"Cass " They both said at the same time.
Nikki signalled for Cassie to go first. "Last night, are you ok about it?"
"Yeah, course" Nikki replied without hesitation, then with a playful smile added, "if I'd known you were that good a shag before, I would've let you drag me to bed sooner!"
Cassie laughed, pleased that the awkwardness between the pair had subsided. "I mean, we're ok aren't we? This isn't gonna be awkward now?" she just had to check.
"Yeah" Nikki answered, "we're fine."
"Fancy one?" Cassie asked, then raised the coffee jar when she saw the look on Nikki's face, "Coffee."
Nikki grinned impressed even she was able to make a coffee into a sexual innuendo after so little sleep last night. She added for good measure, "but I thought you were supposed to offer me that first!" Nikki dodged the tea towel flicked at her arse, and switched on the TV.
The pair sat in comfortable silence, only broken by Cassie's musings "You weren't bad yourself".
"I know." Nikki replied in the most arrogant tone she could manage.
"So, this . Thing" Cassie started, not quite knowing where she was taking the sentence, "is it a regular shag or what?"
Cassie has such a way with words Nikki mused to herself, "yeah, could be. Depends how drunk we get I guess!"
"You weren't drunk at three this morning" Cassie dug.
"Neither were you."
There followed another short silence, where both tried to work out what turn their friendship was about to take. "It didn't work before." Cassie mused out loud.
"No, it didn't." Nikki replied. "We're too good friends now, aren't we?"
"Yeah" said Cassie. She paused while she came up with a possible solution. "Fuck buddies?"
"Huh?" Nikki asked, slightly puzzled by Cassie's description.
Cassie started to explain, "Well, we're buddies, who can occasionally "
"Fuck" Nikki nodded in understanding. "Ok. FUCK!"
"Woah" Cassie replied, "calm down!"
"No, you don't understand" Nikki said, jumping up to go upstairs, "I completely forgot the time I'm supposed to be meeting Helen for lunch, it's already half eleven!"
Cassie smiled at Nikki's lack of punctuality. All she had to do was to make sure she didn't get to close to Nikki in this set-up. She wasn't worried about Nikki getting too involved she had a feeling that Helen's place in Nikki's heart and mind would stop her getting to close. Or it would get it out of Nikki's system. Then they both stood to gain .
Nikki met Helen for lunch as promised she needn't have worried about being late due to an awful lack of sleep the night before, Helen was rather late herself and looking rather worse for wear. Nikki rose from her seat in the bar to give Helen a hug and was surprised as Helen clung onto her as if her life depended on it.
"Are you ok?" Nikki asked, full of concern and wishing she'd replied to Helen's message earlier.
"I am now" Helen replied, just about managing a smile.
"You wanna talk about it?" Nikki asked, gently.
"Yeah, lets grab a bite first."
The food in the canteen wasn't up to much so Helen and Nikki decided to opt for a pub lunch. It beat the university food and the thought of a pint WAS very appealing .
As they sat waiting for their food, Helen started to regale Nikki with the incidents of the night before, "So we get back to my place and we're just having a couple of glasses of wine, and kissing and stuff "
Nikki kept her face neutral as Helen went to describe in detail the events following.
"Anyway, so we're making out on the bed y'know, we obviously both know where this is heading so I'm not that worried. But he takes off his shirt and he's covered in these psycho tattoos" she said with a grimace on her face, "huge dragon down his arm, NIPPLES pierced, he looked like a complete freak!"
That comment did actually surprise Nikki as this Thomas looked so, well, normal!!
"So, I'm a little concerned but not overly worried." She continued, "but when we started, well, doing it" even Helen blushed at her own description, "he started getting really rough and grabbing my arms! He was saying stuff like 'you know you like it rough' and 'come on, keep up with me'."
Nikki was appalled, "did he hurt you anywhere else?" she was too concerned for putting things nicely now.
"No." Helen replied, "he eventually stopped when I told him he was hurting me. I asked him to leave after that."
"Fucking bastard" Nikki sneered, "I'll fucking kill him." She took a cigarette and thrust it into her mouth, lighting it roughly. She was surprised when Helen took one as well. Describing the event had obviously upset her Nikki got the feeling things were a little worse than Helen let on, but decided not to push it. She was already outraged at what she had heard.
"Nikki, leave it I don't think I'll be seeing him again."
"He assaulted you Helen! I can't sit back and let him do that to you!"
Helen sighed she had expected this reaction, but really needed to speak to someone. And as Nikki was her best friend, she wouldn't have dreamed of going to anyone else. "Nikki, remember an old girlfriend of yours, Shell Dockley?"
Nikki cringed Shell had to have been her worst choice in relationship EVER the girl had turned out to be a complete psychopath and after many weeks of trying to end things on Nikki's part, their relationship had ended when Shell turned on Nikki and beat seven kinds of shit out her. "What about her?" she asked.
"Well, remember when she beat you up?"
Nikki nodded she hated people bringing this up because Shell bruised her ego as well as a few broken ribs.
"And you wouldn't let me return the favour?" Helen continued.
Again, Nikki nodded, "Yeah, ok, I can see your point. I wont cause any trouble if I see the little bastard again " well, nothing obvious anyway she thought to herself. She vowed to make that arsehole pay!
The next Wednesday, Helen and Nikki decided to make the most of their karaoke piss-up session. It was the last night of term and the pair went to an all-out effort to look and feel great. Nikki was dressed in leather trousers and a black halterneck, and Helen wore a black boob-tube and a tiny grey skirt. Cassie joined them in black trousers and a black top with a plunging neckline. The evening went really well until Thomas turned up.
Helen immediately became quiet and withdrawn and sat quietly on 'their' sofa (due to their 'regular' status, the girls had claimed a leather sofa right next to the DJ box as their own). Nikki slid up to her and put her arm round Helen's shoulders.
"You ok?" she asked Helen.
"Yeah, I just wish he hadn't turned up." Helen replied glumly, "what if he tries anything on?"
"He wont." Nikki assured her, "not with me here anyway".
Helen nodded. Her dull mood was eased by Kylie Minogue's 'Cant get you out of my head'. She pulled Nikki up to the dancefloor and the two resumed their playful, flirty mood much to the amusement of the other people in the bar. On return to their table, Helen and Nikki found three shots of tequila and a grinning Cassie. "Talked the DJ into some extra tequila!" she proudly announced. Nikki grimaced Cassie may have a weakness for Aftershock, but tequila was definitely her forte. Nikki, on the other hand, couldn't stand the stuff. The three of them knocked back the evil tasting liquid and Nikki chugged down half of her pint before she heaved on the taste. The drink had an immediate effect and the girls were pissed straight away. At this point, a large group of rugby players came through the door. Nikki could see the cogs working in Helen's head as she predicted Helen's plan to attach herself to one of these lucky men to get her point over to Thomas, who was leaning against a wall sulking. Nikki threw him a filthy look that was enough to divert his attention slightly. By the time Nikki and Cassie had got to the dancefloor, Helen had already picked a target from the rugby players and was dirty dancing with him.
Nikki and Cassie put on their own show near a group of businessmen, dirty dancing and giving each other the occasional snog. Their antics were merely for fun, as Nikki was keeping a watchful eye over Helen's position with the other guys. Obviously on an office night out, one of the older businessmen approached Nikki and Cassie and gave them a bottle of champagne with a wink. Deciding to quit while they were ahead (and before they were asked to do anything else for the men), they thanked the men and headed back to their sofa, grabbing Helen on the way. After guzzling champagne in style (ie, out of the bottle and spilling half down their chins!) the three were completely drunk.
Helen pulled Nikki up to dance, but tripped and the two stumbled against a pillar. As Nikki leaned slightly against Helen trying to get her brain to straighten her up, she couldn't help but place a single kiss on Helen's lips. It lingered slightly longer than necessary, and when Nikki did not feel Helen respond, she pulled away, immediately apologetic. "Sorry" she said, embarrassed.
"Its ok." Helen slurred, "no need to apologise at all."
Nikki staggered off back to their sofa, eager to put a bit of distance between them. She knew Helen wouldn't be mad, and most likely would not remember anyway tomorrow. She felt a bit angry with herself for doing it but decided not to dwell on it if she didn't want Helen reading too much into it. She watched Helen from a distance the protectiveness she felt toward her overriding anything else.
Cassie joined her on the sofa and patted her thigh, "would you cheer up already!" she yelled in Nikki's ear.
"Im just having a rest, feeling a bit pissed" Nikki assured her.
"Just making sure you don't kiss Helen again, aren't you!" Cassie said with a grin. She wished Nikki would get her act together over Helen. She had seen Helen's behaviour towards Nikki and really thought she saw some of Nikki's attraction reciprocated after a few drinks. Still, it was up to Nikki and Helen to sort it out.
Just then, Thomas walked past them to the DJ booth to request a song. Cassie immediately had an idea (having also taken a dislike to Thomas) and pulled Nikki to stand next to her by the end of the sofa. In front of the sofa was a table then a barrier which fenced it off from the dancefloor. Nikki realised that standing here would block Thomas's path back to the dance floor. As he turned to walk back, Cassie pulled Nikki into a kiss which completely blocked his exit. They had Thomas exactly where they wanted him.
"Excuse me." He asked in his flat, arrogant voice.
Nikki and Cassie ignored him.
"Hey!" he raised his voice slightly, "would you move?"
Nikki broke off their kiss and turned to Thomas, daggers in her eyes. "Oh, I'm SORRY!" she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm, "were we in your way?"
He scowled and roughly pushed past them. Nikki coughed loudly and at the same time shouted "WANKER" when Thomas turned round to reply, she immediately resumed her kiss with Cassie. Thomas stalked off, but not before Cassie had aimed a nice ball of spit at his back!
"You're so rude!" Nikki accused playfully.
"Yeah, you love it!" Cassie replied, squeezing Nikki's arse. They were about to search for and annoy Thomas again, but couldn't find him. Nikki's heart skipped a beat when she couldn't find Helen either!
Nikki rushed outside and saw Helen and Thomas down the street standing about a foot apart and in deep conversation. Helen didn't seem to be in any trouble so Nikki just hovered at the door discretely to keep an eye on them. Once or twice Thomas peered over to where Nikki was standing, and she shrank back into the doorway so only her eye and nose were visible. They seemed to be talking for ages. Nikki felt like a shit for spying on Helen but she was sure she would understand she was not leaving Helen alone with that bastard!
Thomas pulled Helen to him and Nikki tensed as she readied herself to defend Helen. She could happily have wrung that man's neck in that instant and damn the consequences. She relaxed slightly when she realised that what she was witnessing was a consensual hug. Helen broke off from the hug and headed to the pub without looking back. Thomas hesitated for a second, then walked off in the opposite direction, "keep walking" Nikki muttered under her breath. Helen walked up towards her and Nikki appeared guiltily from the doorway.
"I, er, wasn't spying. I just couldn't leave you alone with him. I'm sorry if it looked like I was spying, are you ok?" Nikki babbled as Helen came up to her.
"Yeah, I'm fine." She replied wearily.
Nikki raised an eyebrow.
"Honest. He just wanted to talk." She paused, and saw the look of distress on her friend's face, "are you ok?"
Nikki just nodded, suddenly feeling a lump in her throat. The thoughts of the violent acts she would've performed on Thomas scared her. She knew she felt a lot towards Helen, but it scared her just what she was prepared to sacrifice for her.
"Why are you crying?" Helen asked her.
"Im not." Nikki forced out, then brushed her hand across her face surprised to find it wet from tears. At Helen's 'im-not-buying-that-story' expression, Nikki sighed and fished for an explanation. "I care about you so much." She started, deliberately not complicating things by using the word, 'love'. "If he had tried anything, I don't know what I would've done to him."
Helen pulled Nikki into a hug, "I care about you too" she said into Nikki's shoulder.
"I'm sorry for kissing you." Nikki said again.
"Would you stop apologising!" Helen admonished, "its fine, really. You coming back in?"
"Yeah, I'll following you in a sec." Nikki replied, needing some time alone.
Helen had not been inside two minutes when Cassie came out to speak to Nikki. "You coming in?"
"Did you try something on?" Cassie asked her.
Nikki's head snapped up at the accusation, "of course I didn't." she replied in a harsh whisper.
"Then why is Helen crying?" she asked.
Nikki was quiet for a moment. "I don't know."
When they returned inside, Helen had calmed down slightly, but the energy of the group had diminished somewhat. They decided to call it a night and go home.
They usually walked home past Helen's house and then carried on to Nikki and Cassie's house, but tonight Nikki told Cassie she'd catch her up. As they stood on Helen's porch, Nikki asked "why were you crying back inside?"
Helen sighed, "because men are bastards".
"What did he say to you outside?" Nikki enquired.
"He didn't think he'd done anything wrong, and when I told him he'd hurt me, he told me . He said I was a crap shag and he wouldn't touch me again if his life depended on it."
Nikki was immediately angry with him again, "I hope you told him the feeling was mutual." She paused, then continued, "I was thinking as I watched you two outside, that I would have happily murdered him."
Helen smiled, "you can't go wanting to kill everyone who pisses you off!"
Nikki was serious now, "I would've done the time for it, for you." Noting Helen's non-reaction, Nikki carried on to say what had been on her mind since Helen told her what Thomas had done, "He had the chance to do something I would kill for, but he fucked it up and really hurt you. If I had half the chance he did, I would've made you feel like the most special person in the world." Nikki swallowed she realised she was on the verge of tears.
Helen was also on the verge of tears following Nikki's heartfelt confession. "You already do."
"I do?" Nikki asked incredulously.
"Nikki, you are the best friend I have ever had. You do and say the most special things sometimes." The tears Helen had tried to keep in check started to flow down her cheeks.
Nikki wiped away some of the tears with her thumb, "its not enough though, is it?" Barely noticing her own tears falling. To her surprise, Helen leaned into Nikki's caress.
"I don't think we can be friends anymore Nikki. Its too difficult."
Nikki removed her hand from Helen's cheek, and looked to the floor. Helen caught her hand on the way down and held it. "Why do you do this to me Helen?" Nikki asked, staring at their clasped hands. When she looked up to see Helen trying to conceal a smile, her expression changed from hurt to confusion.
Helen stepped closer to Nikki and said, "Its too difficult being friends with you when all I want to is this " She brought her free hand up to Nikki's cheek and placed a single kiss on her lips. She pulled back to note Nikki's reaction.
"Er, Helen?" Nikki managed to ask, not realising she had been holding her breath. "How long have you . I mean, when ?"
Helen didn't answer, instead she just pulled Nikki in for a deeper kiss. Nikki quickly gained her co-ordination back and responded more fully to the kiss. As Helen's mouth opened and allowed Nikki's tongue entrance, Helen groaned. Nikki's hands played in Helen's hair and Helen pulled Nikki closer until they were leaning against the wall of Helen's porch. "Stay here tonight?" Helen asked between kisses.
Nikki nodded, and said just one word, "Helen?"
"Yeah?" Helen asked by way of a reply.
"S'ok, just checking it's really you!" Nikki said with a smile.
When they got into Helen's room, Helen turned into an animal! She pushed Nikki on the bed, straddled her, and started kissing her face and neck. "I want you." Helen breathed into Nikki's neck.
Nikki was overwhelmed by Helen's behaviour, she was about to tell Helen to slow down a bit so she could have chance to remember this night, but that thought was lost when Helen sat up and pulled her top over her head and threw it across the room. Nikki sat up and kissed Helen gently, she manoeuvred them both so Helen was lying on the bed. "I'm going to make you feel like the most special person in the world" Nikki repeated from her earlier statement.
As Nikki licked and kissed her way down Helen's neck, she heard Helen let out a little whimper pleased to know she was doing something right, Nikki continued her journey downwards She took her time to tease Helen until she was begging for her to finish the job. Nikki could smell Helen's arousal and licked her lips in anticipation. When Nikki finally started her assault on Helen with her tongue, Helen came immediately and loudly! Nikki relished the taste of her new found lover. The pair fell asleep in each others' arms Nikki was the happiest person in the world!
THE MORNING AFTER THE NIGHT BEFORE
Nikki woke up first and was slightly confused as to where she was. She had been in the middle of a wonderful dream where Helen had told her she had feelings for her and they had made love in Helen's bed. Nikki couldn't move her arm. When she looked over to try and find a reason for this temporary paralysis, her heart went into her mouth to find the sleeping form of a naked Helen. She couldn't believe it it hadn't been a dream afterall! She stroked a hand over Helen's shoulder and traced her spine, waking Helen up in the process. "Hey" Nikki whispered softly.
Helen took a few seconds to suss out the situation and then her eyes flew wide open, "er hey." She managed as she pulled the sheet up around her. Nikki leaned down to kiss her good morning but was shocked and slightly hurt when Helen pulled away from her. "Don't", was all Helen said.
Nikki sighed she knew these signs all too well. She just couldn't believe it was Helen, HER Helen, who had done this. She got out of the bed and started to pull on her jeans, and began searching for her bra. Helen reached down the side of the bed and handed it to her. "I'm sorry Nikki" she said sheepishly.
"Its ok, I get it." Nikki said, with more control than she actually felt. "Just another straight woman looking for an experience." She paused and sent Helen a puppy dog look which visibly cracked Helen's armour, "Why me Helen?"
Helen started to reply but Nikki continued, "Why not use someone else, someone who isn't your best friend, someone who isn't fucking in LOVE WITH YOU?!" She turned away from Helen as she tried to put her halterneck top back on, she gave up and shoved it into her bag, pulling on her jacket instead.
"You didn't have to follow me home y'know." Helen countered, trying to find reason for her behaviour, but couldn't. She felt crap Nikki was her best friend, yet she had used her in a drunken state like she would anyone else. Now painfully scared of losing the friendship, Helen tried to make amends, "You are my best friend Nikki in fact, we're more than friends."
Nikki just huffed.
Helen sighed and continued, "Its just I don't want to take our friendship in that direction."
Nikki was slowly getting more and more angry and hurt. "Just stop Helen! Why the hell did you tell me we couldn't be friends because you wanted me? But now you're telling me you want to sweep it under the carpet and forget it ever happened? You're unbelievable, you know that?" She yanked open Helen's bedroom door and stalked down the hall to open the front door.
"Nikki wait!" Helen called after her.
"Leave it Helen"
"I'm sorry Nikki."
"Yeah, so am I."
As Nikki walked home that morning, she experienced what she had called 'The Walk Of Shame' trudging back through the streets in her leather trousers, with her jacket pulled shut because she hadn't put her top back on. The whole thing screamed 'I haven't been home'.
Nikki shut the front door as quietly as possible (well, with less of a slam than usual with their rubbish front door) and snuck up to her bedroom. Nikki shut her bedroom door, sat on the bed, and allowed herself to cry. She felt so used. If Helen didn't know how Nikki felt about her, she could have at least respected the fact they were best friends. Now she doubted whether she could even call Helen a friend. Or was it herself to blame? She had followed Helen home and told her all that stuff but then Helen had basically told her she replicated those feelings. Nikki sighed and flopped back on the bed. She covered her eyes with the back of her arm and wished it had all been a horrible dream.
There was a tap on Nikki's door and Cassie poked her head round, she leaned against the doorframe and said in a most seductive voice, "Hey hot stuff! Hear you ate Scottish Pussy last night!"
"Piss off", was Nikki's reply.
Cassie was taken aback by Nikki's outburst, "Woah! Someone's in a mood!"
"Sorry" Nikki mumbled.
"What happened?" Cassie asked in a softer voice.
Nikki sighed, she really didn't want to talk about this, "She used me. She fucked me and dropped me, and doesn't care. You were right Cass, she was leading me on".
Cassie took a seat on the bed next to Nikki and ruffled her hair, "I'm sorry babe, I know what she means to you."
Nikki blinked back tears, "Yeah, and now I know what I mean to her."
Cassie stopped stroking Nikki's hair, "You'll always mean a lot to me." She leaned down and dropped a single kiss on Nikki's lips.
Nikki gave a weak smile and laced her fingers through Cassie's. "Thank you".
Cassie kissed her again, to test the waters. Nikki initially responded to the kiss but pulled away, "I'm sorry Cass, its too soon."
Cassie patted Nikki's shoulder before walking out the room, "I know. I'll wait."
Nikki sat up on the bed with a bemused expression on her face. She knew Cassie like her in that way not that she had said anything, but her attitude towards Helen and Nikki suggested it. She knew that the possibility of her and Helen was now zero following last night; did she want to explore her and Cassie? They got on well as friends, had similar personalities and neither had hang-ups about their sexuality. Could it work?
Nikki sat on the bed and thought for a while. Sod it! she thought. She walked up to Cassie's bedroom door and gave a gentle knock.
"Hello?" came the muffled reply.
When Nikki entered the room, Cassie was rummaging around the bottom of a wardrobe. Nikki couldn't help stare at Cassie's arse as she continued her futile search of whatever she was looking for.
Cassie felt she was being watch and turned round just in time to catch Nikki trying to avert her eyes. "See something you like?" Cassie asked with a sly grin on her face.
Nikki had been busted! "I, er what you lookin' for?"
Cassie frowned, "my notes for my next Business exam" she said with a note of frustration.
"If you weren't such a messy shit, you'd find things much easier!" Nikki joked, looking at the pile of screwed up clothes, shoes and random books Cassie had emptied onto her bedroom floor.
Cassie ignored the comment, "Did you want something, or did you come in here to stare at my arse?!"
Nikki noticed her nonchalant tone, and replied in one of her own, "Well, I was gonna ask you out on a date tomorrow night, but if you're not up for it ."
Cassie stood and turned to face Nikki, "You what?"
"You heard me, lets go for it." Nikki said with more certainty than she felt.
Cassie took Nikki's hand, "Ok. A date. We'll see how it goes from there." Then added, "Pick me up at 8.30". She didn't give Nikki time to reply, she just turned round and continued to search through her wardrobe.
Nikki knocked on Cassie's bedroom door at exactly 8.30pm. It had been a funny palaver trying to get ready that night each had decided to really make an effort and dress up a bit, but had spent the entire evening trying to avoid each other so as not to give away what they were wearing! Nikki wore a purplish blue blouse and grey trousers. She hoped she hadn't overdressed too much. Cassie opened the door and looked Nikki up and down in an open display of appreciation. She whistled at Nikki and said, "Hey, you sexy bitch!"
Nikki smiled when she saw Cassie had gone to an effort as well, wearing charcoal trousers and a striped, tight fitting blouse. "Hey yourself" she replied with a cheeky half-smile.
A horn beeped outside, and Nikki held out her elbow for Cassie to link her arm through, "Shall we?"
Cassie was intrigued as to what Nikki had planned as they climbed into the awaiting cab
Their evening was amazing They started with a bottle of wine at a classy restaurant, then went for a walk around a local dock, before finishing up at an expensive gay club. As they approached the club, Cassie gasped, "Nikki! This is really expensive here I think we need tickets!"
Nikki just grinned, took Cassie's hand and led her to the front of the queue. She went up to a bouncer, flashed a couple of tickets at him and motioned for Cassie to follow her into the club. Cassie was amazed at how much effort Nikki had gone to for this date she thought she was second best to Helen but maybe now, she had Nikki all to herself?
The pair continued to drink and have a really good laugh, Cassie bringing a lump to Nikki's throat when she danced very close and very seductively towards her! As Cassie trailed her hands up and down Nikki's back, Nikki was deep in thought she really enjoyed Cassie's company and was happy to take this relationship in 'official' directions, but she was really unsure how she would react the next time she saw Helen. She knew the hurt would be there for a long time, but having Cassie now helped a lot Nikki just prayed she wouldn't end up using Cassie in a sole attempt to get over Helen Stewart.
The pair headed home a while later and as they walked hand in hand, Nikki felt strangely content. Maybe this was the person she was supposed to be with Cassie stopped a little while later and pulled Nikki into a passionate kiss, fuelled by alcohol, the pair were in danger of losing themselves there and then on the pavement! Cassie dragged Nikki towards a darkened building, and pushed her against a wall that was hidden in shadow. The pair got rather heated and soon hands were down trousers as they each raced to bring the other to release. Nikki was lucky she had the wall for support she caught Cassie and had to virtually hold her upright as she took her over the edge. The two leaned against the wall in a post-coital, giggling embrace for a few minutes later. Headlights danced across the grass in front of them the realisation that they could have been caught sent a rush of adrenalin through them both. Then the headlights returned.
Nikki motioned for Cassie to be quiet. As Cassie tried to stifle her giggles, Nikki peered around the edge of the building to see the back of a policeman walking down the road. "Shit!" whispered Nikki, "It's a bleedin' copper!" The two ran from the building holding hands and tried to continue to walk down the street without bursting out laughing. Needless to say, their attempt was unsuccessful!
Cassie and Nikki got on really well for the next few days Nikki had been making a conscious attempt to avoid Helen, just for the fact that she didn't want to experience the reaction of still wanting her.
Helen sat at her computer with a blank email in front of her. She knew she had to be the first to break the ice and after the way she had treated Nikki on Thursday morning, it was the least she could do. She thought about ringing Nikki, but didn't really know what to say at least this way she could get what she said sorted before it came out of her mouth! She started to type, and just hoped that what she said was enough:
I am SO sorry about what happened on Thursday morning. I never meant to hurt you and I'm not sure why it turned out like that. You were more than just a shag, surely you must know that? You're my best friend and whatever happens I want you to know that I hold our friendship over anything else that may happen between us. I'm sorry I don't feel the way you do I had no idea your feelings were that strong until the other night. I'm not making myself very clear am I?! I thought that's what you wanted god knows I wanted it at the time. I don't think it was just the alcohol either maybe because we're close and always flirting, or maybe I was looking for reassurance after Thomas. I just don't know. I'm so confused and I don't know what the hell I feel. I'm sorry for all the shit it caused you. I hope you still want to talk to me and try and rebuild our friendship? I'll probably be in the usual place at the usual time on Wednesday night hopefully see you there too?
Nikki finished reading the email, and was no wiser to Helen's feelings than she had been before she had read it. Helen was obviously confused about the whole incident so Nikki decided to give her a chance and go along on Wednesday. She had Cassie now. Everything would be fine. It would, goddammit!
Nikki was nervous as hell about seeing Helen again it had been almost a week now and she didn't know what to say to her. Nikki walked into the bar, holding Cassie's hand; Her eyes seemed to immediately seek out Helen as if she had Helen-Radar. Nikki couldn't be sure but when Helen looked over to her and waved, it seemed like she looked jealous. Mind you, Nikki hadn't told Helen she was dating Cassie maybe she was just shocked. Maybe not?
They made their way over to 'their' sofa and Cassie went to get her and Nikki a drink. Nikki suspected she was giving them time to clear the air before the evening got started. Nikki approached Helen, "Hey." she said awkwardly.
"Oh, hi Nikki!" Helen said, with an air of forced excitement.
Nikki frowned at this act Helen was putting on, "Helen "
Helen sighed and decided she had better sort things now and then, "Did you get my email?" she asked warily.
"Yeah", Nikki replied, "but I'm still none the wiser as to what went on. Got a little confusing near the end!"
Helen was quiet. "I'm a little confused myself" she said shyly, "I really meant the bit about sorting our friendship out though. I never want to lose you because I messed up."
Nikki nodded. It still hurt that Helen didn't want her as more than a friend, but to have Cassie meant a lot and she just had to move on. "I can't pretend you didn't hurt me Helen" Nikki started.
Helen's face dropped. She stroked Nikki's shoulder, but Nikki shrugged away from her touch. "I understand." she said, blinking back tears that threatened to wreck her makeup before the evening had begun.
"Hey!" Nikki said softly, "you didn't let me finish! I was going to say that I can't pretend you didn't hurt me because last week really did, BUT I was also going to say that I want to keep our friendship. It'll take time, but there's no reason we can't work through it."
Helen gave a sigh and went to give Nikki a hug. She thought better of it after Nikki shrugged off her last touch. Nikki sensed her indecision and gave her a quick hug. Helen was relieved to say the least.
"So, you and Cassie huh?" Helen asked, trying to sound indifferent.
"Yeah." Nikki replied, looking over to Cassie at the bar and giving her a smile.
"Is it serious?" Helen asked her.
"It's early days, but could be, yeah." Nikki replied with a content smile.
"Hey, that's great." Helen replied. She smiled a look of approval, but Nikki noted the fact that it didn't reach her eyes.
The evening seemed to go well Cassie and Nikki were getting along fine and Helen was being genuinely friendly to them both. Nikki started to relax as both the knowledge that things were improving, and a few pints started to set in. Nikki went down to the loo, giving Cassie a peck on the cheek as she went. She couldn't help but notice a scowl on Helen's face as she pulled away.
As Nikki was drying her hands, Helen came into the toilet. Nikki smiled in acknowledgement, but Helen did not respond. Instead, she just walked up to Nikki until their noses were just an inch apart. She threaded her hands under Nikki's arms and leaned on the wall, effectively pinning her down. Nikki could smell the tequila on Helen's breath and could tell she was pissed as a fart.
"So, you don' wan me nemore?" Helen slurred.
Nikki held herself rigid and tried to prise Helen away from her. "What are you doing Helen?"
Helen leaned in closer and attempted to snuggle against Nikki's neck. She smelt so good Stop it! Nikki mentally reprimanded herself - she was not going to let Helen do this to her.
Helen's hands were either side of Nikki's face and she was leaning in to kiss her. "Isn't it obvious?" Helen asked her, seemingly regaining some of her speech control, "I'm seducing you."
As their lips grazed together, Nikki used all her self control to push Helen away from her. The shock woke Helen up a bit. "What you are doing," Nikki started, "Is really REALLY pissing me off, Helen."
Helen looked suitably confused. "I thought you wanted me Nikki. I want you." She said in the voice of a small child who had had their favourite plaything confiscated.
"No, Helen. You don't want me. You just want to yank my chain a little bit more. Twist the knife in my heart that little bit further." Nikki was on a roll, and all the pent up anger and frustration came out in one go, "You used me Helen. You used me for a quick shag. I am supposed to be your FRIEND friends don't fuck each other over! Hell, friends shouldn't fuck each other at all! All these months of flirting everytime we walk through the door of this bar did you really think it didn't have an effect on me?!"
"Did you really think it didn't have an effect on ME?!" Helen shot back.
"No. I don't" Replied Nikki. "I think it gave you a bit of power. You had me RIGHT where you wanted me, and I let you carry on. You could have said 'jump' and I would have asked how high."
"Nikki it wasn't like that!"
"Then HOW WAS IT?"
"I didn't realise what we had until I saw you with Cassie." Helen shot in a desperate attempt to make Nikki see how she felt. "And I've lost you now."
"So, you didn't want the toy at the time, but as soon as someone else wants to play, you get all jealous." Nikki sneered. "As far as I'm concerned Helen, Cassie is playing with the toy. You'll have to wait your turn."
"I love you." Helen said in a tiny voice, then looked down at the floor. When she looked back at Nikki, the tears in her eyes spilled onto her cheeks.
Nikki met her gaze, her own tears beginning to flow. Those three words had been like a kick in the chest to Nikki they completely took her breath away. They were the three words she had wanted to hear from Helen more than anything in the world. She wanted to close the distance between them and kiss Helen with all the passion she could muster, but she forced her heart to listen to her head for once in her life. It was a bloody big gamble, but she had to take the risk,
"You're too late." Nikki told her, before turning to walk out the toilets.
Helen grabbed her arm and pulled Nikki round so she was facing her, again, their faces were almost touching. Her strength surprised Nikki.
"Tell me you don't love me." Helen said in a quiet, trembling voice.
There was a thick silence while Nikki struggled to say the words, to tell Helen she didn't love her, to end this head-fuck situation right now. "I'm with Cassie now." Nikki said, trying to avoid what Helen was asking.
"I know. I'm asking you to tell me you don't love me."
Nikki pulled away from Helen's grip and ran from the toilets. She grabbed her coat and bag, and found Cassie. "I'm going home babe." She said, giving her a hug, and trying to hide her obvious distress.
"What happened?" Cassie, asked full of concern.
"Helen followed me downstairs and fucked my head up again." Nikki managed there was no point hiding it from Cassie, she could read her like a book. She just hoped Cassie couldn't see her raw emotions for Helen.
"I'll come with you." Cassie said, leaning to grab her own coat.
Nikki grabbed her hand and held it, "No, you stay here and have a good night. I need some time on my own anyway."
"You sure?" Cassie asked.
Nikki nodded and gave Cassie a kiss. "I'll see you later yeah?"
Cassie was impressed by Nikki's honesty she could read Nikki like a book and Nikki must have known this by now. Still, it prepared her for the inevitable her and Nikki were never going to work out. She had seen it coming over the last week. Nikki was wonderful to her, and if she was honest with herself, she could fall for Nikki at the drop of a hat. She wasn't stupid though Cassie knew that Nikki was kidding herself if she thought she could get over Helen that quickly. She also knew Nikki would never hurt her intentionally, but if they stayed together whilst Nikki had feelings for Helen they would both get hurt in the breakup. Cassie made up her mind. She had to let Nikki go, and she had to talk some sense into Helen
Cassie made her way down to the toilets. She didn't have a clue what Helen had actually said to Nikki but she had to say something for Nikki's sake. The toilets were empty when she got down there, except for one cublicle that was occupied. She heard a sniff and ragged breathing as if someone was trying to cry quietly.
"Helen?" she called.
No answer. She looked under the door and recognised Helen's shoes, "Helen, I know you're in there. I need to talk to you." There was silence again until Helen opened the door, her face red with tears.
"I'm sorry." Helen said.
"For what?" Cassie asked, puzzled she must have thought Nikki had told her everything.
"For trying to steal Nikki from you. I'm sorry."
"You're saying you have feelings for Nikki?" Cassie asked, surprised that Helen was finally admitting it.
"What does it matter?" Helen asked, with a sniff, "she doesn't want me. She said I was too late and she's with you now."
"Do you love her?" Cassie asked warily she was about to chicken out of telling Helen what she knew after Helen had told her Nikki had turned her down, but decided to put an end to their joint misery.
Helen just nodded in response to Cassie's question.
Cassie handed Helen some more tissues, "Right Helen, I'm telling you this because you need to know. Nikki loves me, but she's not IN LOVE with me." She paused to gauge Helen's reaction. "She's IN LOVE with YOU, but she doesn't trust you." Again, she paused. Helen looked confused. Cassie sighed how did Helen not understand this now? "Nikki loves you, she wants you, but she doesn't trust you. If you want her, you have to fight for her."
Helen started to interrupt.
Cassie got there first, "Not fight with me, with Nikki. Earn her trust, win her heart back."
"Where is she?" Helen asked, fuelled with a new hope.
"She went home." Cassie replied, then added sternly, "why did you mess her around?"
Helen sighed, "I've been such an idiot. I wanted her all along, but I was too bloody scared of what people might think."
"You should be telling this to Nikki, not to me." Cassie told her.
Helen nodded. "I think I'm going to go home."
Cassie looked at her watch, "Wanna share a taxi?"
Nikki was up watching TV when Cassie got home. Cassie ruffled her hair and sat down on the chair across the room from her. "How are you?" Cassie asked her, trying to judge whether now was the best time to be starting this conversation.
"I'm ok." Nikki said with a yawn, "knackered!"
Cassie decided to go for it at least Nikki could have a night to sleep on it. "I spoke to Helen."
Nikki's head shot up, "what?!"
"I spoke to Helen after you left." Cassie repeated, "She returns your feelings. Did you know that?"
Nikki just nodded.
"Well what's stopping you?" Cassie asked.
Nikki looked confused, "you of course. I told her that."
Cassie sighed this was so hard to do. "Nikki, we both know I'm not the one you want deep down. We've got to stop kidding ourselves."
Nikki blinked she couldn't believe Cassie was saying this. "Are you breaking up with me?"
"I'm releasing you." Cassie went to the kitchen to get a drink, and to try and stop the tears that were threatening to flow at any minute. As she walked past Nikki, she grabbed Cassie's arm.
"I do love you, y'know." Nikki said solemnly.
Cassie sniffed, "but you're not IN love with me are you? I can't be that person."
Nikki pulled Cassie into a hug, in which they both started crying. "Thank you", Nikki whispered.
"Anytime", Cassie whispered back.
Nikki gently held Cassie's face in her hands and gave her a tender kiss. In that one kiss, all the love, understanding and friendship they shared managed to be conveyed. Both women were still a little tearful, but Cassie felt positive she had done the right thing.
Nikki did not see Helen all week. She had purposely avoided her so as not to jump the gun in forgiving and forgetting Helen's behaviour too soon. After a few conversations with Cassie, she decided to follow Cassie's advice and play hard to get. She also wanted Helen to re-earn her trust. The only contact she had with Helen was a single text message on Wednesday afternoon, Coming to karaoke? Sorry bout last week. Hx
Nikki expected Helen to try something tonight, and her defences were well and truly in place. It was partly for her sake and partly for Cassie's. Nikki knew how hard it must have been for Cassie to break up with her especially for the sole purpose of Nikki getting with Helen. Things went smoothly for the first hour or so. It seemed that it was only once everybody had had their fair share of tequila that things routinely went tits-up. It was for this reason that Nikki and Helen subtly avoided the stuff of course, neither would admit to the other that that was the reason for them taking it easy!
Helen was called up to sing, and took the microphone. Cassie noticed what she was going to sing and promptly made herself scarce. As Helen started singing, a lump came to Nikki's throat. This song was for her!
I don't know what it is that makes me love you so
I only know I never wanna let you go
Cause you started something, cant you see?
That ever since we met you've had a hold on me
It happens to be true
I only wanna be with you
It doesn't matter where you go or what you do
I wanna spend each moment of the day with you
Look what has happened with just one kiss
I never knew that I could be in love like this
It's crazy but its true
I only wanna be with you
You stopped and smiled at me, asked me if I'd care to dance
I fell into you open arms and I didn't stand a chance
Now listen honey, I just wanna be beside you everywhere
As long as we're together, honey I don't care
Cause you started something, can't you see
That ever since we met you've had a hold on me
No matter what you do
I only wanna be with you
No matter what you do
I only wanna be with you
Nikki was gobsmacked at Helen's display. She had spent the whole song staring at Nikki. It seemed that Helen had picked the song that most represented her feelings and Nikki felt extremely touched. As Helen made it back through the crowd to their sofa, Cassie just had enough time to nip over to Nikki and whisper, "Go for it babe" before running to the safety of the bar.
Helen made a beeline for Nikki, "That was for you" she told Nikki.
Nikki pulled her into a hug, "I know."
This made a big change from the times when Nikki had been the one singing songs for Helen!
"What about Cassie?" Helen asked, cautiously.
Nikki smiled, "Cassie broke up with me. She said to go for it with you because she thought we deserved a chance."
Helen was lost for words momentarily, "You mean ?"
Nikki nodded, "I mean."
Nikki leaned down and captured Helen's lips in a chaste kiss, "We'll take things slowly."
Helen grinned, "Yeah, dead slow", again capturing Nikki's lips in a deeper and more passionate kiss.
Nikki pulled back. Helen looked disappointed, until Nikki told her, "I just gotta take care of something for Cassie."
Helen was puzzled, but didn't push the matter, for if it wasn't for Cassie, they probably would never have got their act together! Nikki was saying something into the DJ's ear. Due to their regular status, he often played them requests or allowed to sing more often. Nikki went down to take the microphone, and caught Cassie's eye on the way. She motioned for her to listen as the first few chords of the song played. "This is for you Cass", she said on the mic, not caring that other people were giving her strange looks,
Thanks for the times that you've given me
The memories are all in my mind
And now that we've come to the end of our rainbow
There's something I must say out loud
You're once, twice, three times a lady
And I love you
You're once, twice, three times a lady
And I love you
You've shared my dreams, my joys, my pains
You've made my life worth living for
And if I had to live my life over again dear,
I'd spend every moment with you
As the song finished Cassie blinked back tears and ordered another Bacardi Breezer at the bar. She raised it in salute to Nikki, who similarly raised her own drink. Cassie lit a cigarette and allowed herself to calm down a bit. Nikki was so thoughtful but she didn't half pick her moments! Her thoughts were broken by a woman's soft Irish accent whispering in her ear, "Three times a lady? Must be some special lady "
Cassie looked up to be met with a pair of dark brown eyes and a soft smile. "So I've heard." She replied flirtatiously, returning the woman's smile.
The woman held out her hand, "Roisin" she offered.
Cassie shook her hand, "Cassie." Cassie was instantly attracted to this stranger her dark eyes reminded her of Nikki, but she had longer, wavy hair and was a few years older. Cassie had always had a thing for older women even Nikki was a year her senior as she had taken a year out before uni. But this woman appealed to Cassie on a completely different level she had an air of soft sophistication that drew Cassie to her.
"What do you do?" Roisin asked Cassie.
"I'm at the local university", Cassie replied, "Business Studies and IT. You?"
"I work in a bank" Roisin answered, "Just qualified, I'm aiming to make it to the top."
"Good for you!" Cassie encouraged, beaming a big smile at her she definitely liked this woman. "I'd love to work in a bank "
It Started with a Kiss - Sequel