DISCLAIMER: Star Trek Voyager and all its characters are the property of Paramount. No infringement intended.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I'm borrowing the title from Belinda Carlisle, I don't know who she is Oh who am I kidding, I know perfectly well who she is.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
It's summer here right now, in San Francisco, and it's raining. B'Elanna Torres reporting for the Weather Channel.
God I crack myself up sometimes. I think I must have watched too many 20th century weather forecasts.
I don't know why but I hate rainy days. I think it's because it was raining the day she died. It was raining the day of her funeral. Kahless I hated her for it, you know. For leaving me here with him.
We were lovers, did you know that, her and I. I would sneak into her quarters late at night. We'd sleep together and then I would sneak back home to him.
When I fell pregnant we were together. She hated the idea of me carrying his child. I told her I didn't have a choice. I still had to sleep with the man I called my husband. But then she got over it. Things continued, I'd sneak in and out. One night I blurted out that I loved her and wished that the baby was hers.
She gave me the whole speech then. The one they make you practice in command school, I'm sure they teach it to the cadets, the one about her being the captain and me being a subordinate and how 'this' shouldn't even be happening between us. I was due to have the baby any day when I opened my big mouth
We didn't see much of each other in the next few days. When the Admiral turned up (the one from the future) she didn't have any time to see me. I know she was trying to avoid me. Then we decided to go into that Borg transwarp thing and I went into labour. Miral was born the very moment we arrived in the Alpha Quadrant.
It was three weeks after that when 'it' happened. We were together, just talking, in her shuttle car. We were driving along the coast to nowhere when this other shuttle car came sliding around the corner. I know shuttle cars hover above the ground but when there's a wet road there's little to no friction so it makes it a bit more dangerous. Did I forget to mention that we were arguing at that particular moment so her concentration wasn't so good?
I was lucky, or so the docs at the medical centre say. She died right after I woke up. It's like she needed to know I was going to be okay before she could give up.
The doctors told me that she suffered pretty bad injuries and that mine were just as bad but me being half Klingon should be thankful that I inherited the secondary organs.
Apparently the guy that was piloting the other shuttle car had been drinking due to the fact that he'd had an argument with his girlfriend and was pretty pissed off. He was doing way more than the legal speed limit and was being treated for minor injuries. Which pissed me off to no end. He, the guilty party, gets minor injuries and Kathryn, the innocent party, died. It never stopped raining that night.
A few days later I received a communiqué from Starfleet informing me that Captain Kathryn Janeway, former CO of the USS Voyager would be laid to rest peacefully at the cemetery. The woman I loved was dead and they expected me to turn up!?
In the end Tom dragged me to the cemetery. I noticed that Chakotay was not there, don't ask me why I noticed that, I guess because he was in love with her he wouldn't have wanted to be there. I stood there, silently praying to whatever God Kathryn believed in that she'd be happy. I told them to tell her I love her and that I missed her already.
I stood next to Seven the whole time and couldn't believe that she was actually crying. She almost fell over from her grief at one point and I put an arm around her to steady her. She put an arm around my waist in return.
That's the funny thing about funerals you tend to realise that grief really does bring people together. Seven and I talked all afternoon at the wake that was held at the Janeway farm in Indiana.
She told me that she knew about me and Kathryn. Said that she could smell Kathryn's perfume on my uniform one day; I remembered that day well. It was my birthday and I'd told Kathryn that I didn't want to celebrate it but she called me to her ready room and we celebrated on the couch and on her desk. I then went back to Engineering and saw the Borg standing at the console in front of the doors. I was pissed but I'd just come from having sex in the ready room and wasn't in the mood to argue. Seven and I worked together that afternoon and came up with some pretty convincing ideas on how to get Voyager home.
Seven then told me that she'd been happy for us and that she couldn't understand why I was still being nice to her.
"Grief does funny things to you Seven. I guess it was a wish of Kathryn's that we'd get along and I'd like to honour that wish."
"I understand that, what I do not understand is why, even after knowing about my relationship with Chakotay, you are still being nice to me."
"What does your relationship have to do with anything?" I asked confused.
"You mean you do not know?"
"Know what, Seven?"
"That Chakotay was the one piloting the shuttle car that smashed into Kathryn's."
I stood there with my jaw resting on the floor. I couldn't believe it. Chakotay had been in the other shuttle car, that worthless p'taQ! No wonder he wasn't at her funeral. "Does he know who was in that shuttle car he hit?"
"Yes," she stated simply.
"That piece of targ shit. He didn't have the decency to even show up today, to own up to it."
"I told him not to come. I told him that there would be some very angry people there, especially you. I did not tell him about your relationship with Kathryn, but he knew that you were in the shuttle car with her."
"Thanks for keeping him away then. If I had've known that he was the one in that other car I'd have smashed his face so hard you wouldn't know it was Chakotay." I ranted. "Wait, I was told that the other driver had had an argument with his girlfriend. What were you arguing about?"
"My feelings for you."
"You have feelings for me?"
"Yes. Kathryn was aware of them and said nothing. Not even a word about the fact that she was copulating with you."
We talked some more after that. Then Tom came and told me he was ready to go home.
I went home with him but couldn't tell you why now. After I'd gotten over the initial shock of Kathryn's death and the revelation that Seven had feelings for me, I sat down with him and told him that I didn't love him anymore and that I was taking Miral and moving out.
As I had nowhere to go I hunted down Seven's address and went to her. She told me I could stay with her for as long as I needed. I was only a little hesitant about how she'd react with me around her all the time, but she handled it well.
I'd been in her apartment for five days when after dinner one night we were relaxing on the sofa staring out the bay doors in her living room. We were just sitting there comfortably resting against each other when she leant down and kissed me.
"I am sorry B'Elanna Torres, I should not have done that."
"It's okay Seven. I liked it."
"It is not too soon?"
"She'd want me to be happy and to move on. You know how she was."
We kissed again and again. The night eventually ended with us in her bedroom passionately loving each other.
Today, it's raining, but my ray of sunshine is sitting on the sofa staring at me. Making sure I won't do something silly.
"B'Elanna what is troubling you?"
"I was thinking about her and how you and I got together, and about how much I hate rainy days. I love you Seven, I never got the chance to tell her that night."
"Then I am glad you tell me at every opportunity you get. I love you as well B'Elanna Torres."
Kathryn may be gone, I may hate rainy days, but I'm grateful to Kathryn for telling me that it was her hope that Seven and I would one day find a peace and keep it. I love you Kathryn Janeway, but Seven of Nine now holds my heart.
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