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The rain pounding on the windows outside was deafening, and Tracey couldn't hear herself think. Not that she wanted to.
She felt Kelly pull her closer and smiled at the sleeping woman's actions. She had slept alone for so many years, it amazed her that she had become accustomed to sharing a bed with someone in the space of just a few months.
Tomorrow at work, however, they would pretend this had never happened. Pretend they were just friends, if that. She would leave Kelly's bed without waking her partner, without a goodbye.
But Tracey wanted more. She wanted to know what it would be like to wake up in the morning and not have to leave. What it would be like to see Kelly's face as she woke up, to greet her with a kiss and an 'I love you'. She wanted to know what it would be like to have a real relationship instead of what was basically a series of one night stands.
It was a desire she would never voice, though. This was their game, and the rules, though unspoken, should never be broken, reagardless of the desires of the parties involved.
Tracey shook her head, mentally berating herself for even thinking about a real realationship. And as she did every morning, she told herself she should be happy with what she had, that it was better than nothing. But she wasn't sure. Having something you wanted desperately, with every fiber of your being, so close, yet not quite yours, was surely worse than having nothing. She didn't think the pain she felt now, lying in bed, with the arms of the woman she loved around her, could ever be worsened. It just couldn't be.
Removing herself from Kelly's arms, Tracey dressed in the dark and made her way to the bedroom door. She paused with the door half-open, allowing herself one last longing look back at Kelly. As the tears welled up in her eyes, she rushed out of the apartment as quietly as she could.
Outside, as Tracey stood waiting for a cab to come by, her tears mixed with the rain.
No. This isn't better at all.
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