DISCLAIMER: I do not own 'D.E.B.S.', Angela Robinson does. Though if I had my way, there would have been a sequel or two by now. ;)
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.

Tricks and Treats
By Obsidian


Amy Bradshaw wasn't the sort who usually spent a lot of time primping. She didn't even much care for the word, really. It probably wasn't a coincidence that if you removed but one letter you'd get 'pimping', she felt.

And yet, there she was, standing in front of the mirror in her room, making sure her curled hair looked perfect. Or, more accurately, that her wig was on straight. She could have just curled it for real, she supposed, but then she would have had to have several inches cut off, as well, and that was a bit more effort then she felt a Halloween costume deserved.

She once again made sure her make-up was absolutely perfect, then smoothed her puffy, ruffled blue gown, and made sure her tiara was going to stay put on her head, no matter what. Perfection achieved - or close enough to it for government work - she picked up her large prop wand.

I don't make a bad Glinda, she decided as she admired her reflection again. She was certainly getting into character, she thought with amusement, or at least the character established by the musical.

And thank you for that, Kristin Chenoweth! She knew she would have looked horrible as a redhead. It wasn't what she might have ordinarily worn, but she didn't - officially - have a date this year, so she'd agreed to 'escort' Janet, who'd be going as Dorothy.

At least the party wasn't going to be there. After what had happened at the last one, Max had flatly forbidden it, and though he hadn't outright said anything, it was obvious that Mr. Phipps agreed. Besides, this wasn't their party, so why should they be stuck with hosting duties?

Though it was unlikely Dominique was going to be allowed to go off anywhere unsupervised during the evening again, though. Those poor, poor boys... Amy didn't know about the others, but she certainly doubted that she'd ever be able to look at strawberry-flavored whipped cream quite the same way again.

Chocolate, though... Well, that was another story.

She habitually checked the thin metal band she'd taken lately to wearing on the same wrist as her comm. It was still there. It had been a gift, of course, from her girlfriend... not that anyone knew that. Or that she had a girlfriend. Or wanted one.

Well, no one but Janet, who was proving to be surprisingly all right with who said girlfriend was.

She didn't have a date that night... officially.

But she hoped her very unofficial date liked her costume.

And that she got inside the academy without being arrested.

"How in the hell did you talk me into doing this, again?"

Lucy sighed as she adjusted her hat. "Come on, Scud, loosen up. It's a party. We're here to have fun!"

"A party at the DEBS academy!" He shook his head and buried a sigh of his own. "Does this not strike you as monumentally insane?"

"Not really, no. It's a costume party. Nobody's gonna recognize us. I mean, I barely recognize you, there... Will."

He grimaced. He didn't really think he made a convincing Will Turner, no matter what Lucy said... though it was too late to do anything about it now, since they were nearly at the door into what he guessed was the cafeteria.

He had to admit, though, that Lucy, despite being very much female, very much pulled off her Jack Sparrow costume. Or Jacqueline Sparrow, perhaps.

"Captain Jacqueline Sparrow," she corrected with a grin when he mentioned that to her.

To Scud's surprise - and Lucy's, a little, though she hid it extremely well - they were indeed let right in, as she'd predicted. "Amy said that anyone who actually made it this far would have been pretty much confirmed to be an invited guest by that point," she murmured as they walked away from the knight - in actual armor, which simply had to have been some kind of punishment or lost bet - who was guarding the door. "Guess they still haven't found that hole in their security, yet."

"Guess not." Smoothly changing the subject, he asked, "Did she also happen to mention who we should be looking for?"

"Her and Janet." She took out her compass, which was really one of the two main reasons she'd chosen her costume, and opened it. Either Amy was in the room, or she was somewhere else in... that direction. Snapping it shut, she headed off to the right.

The game was on.

"Funny. Dressed as what?"

"No idea. Guess we'll have to look."

"Should we split up, then? Cover more ground?"

She snorted in amusement. "Yeah, right. Like I'm letting you run around unsupervised in a room with this many girls wearing such skimpy costumes."

"Now there's the pot calling the kettle black."

"Don't make me make you walk the plank."

"You haven't got a plank, Captain."

"For you, I'd make one."

"Wow," a voice said from off to the side. "That's a great costume, Captain Sparrow."

"Thanks," Lucy replied, turning to face the speaker, a brown-haired Catwoman in a VERY skintight fake leather outfit. She certainly had the curves to pull it off, Lucy noted. She started to think that maybe Scud wasn't entirely wrong in what he'd said before. The difference, however, she thought with some pride, was that she wouldn't ever actually DO anything. "The eyeshadow was a bitch to get just right, though."

Catwoman laughed. "I'll bet. I'm Caroline, by the way," she said, holding out a hand.

"Lucy," she replied, shaking it and ignoring Scud's dark muttering behind her. Amy had asked her to be nice tonight, after all.

"Don't think I've seen you around here, before," Caroline commented easily. "Or Mr. Turner, for that matter."

"You probably haven't. We've been overseas, with the CIA." Or eluding the CIA overseas. Whichever. "Have you seen Amy Bradshaw around yet, tonight?" A clue as to what she was wearing might be nice, after all. Not necessary, as long as Amy had her bracelet on, but it might speed things up a tad.

"Not yet, but then, this place is a bit crowded. Honestly, I haven't heard this much noise in one place since the last time I was in Virginia." Off their looks, she added, "Don't ask."

"I suspect I don't want to know."

"Oh, probably not. So, you know Amy?" Was there amusement in Caroline's eyes?

"You could say."

"I'll bet I could. And what did you say your name was, Mr. Turner?"

"I didn't," he replied with a smile.

Caroline grinned. "Ah, you CIA boys..."

A pair of girls drifting by caught Lucy's attention. A blonde and a brunette, roughly the same height, dressed in very similar, form-fitting black outfits. "Admit it," the blonde one said smugly. "You love my costume."

"Except that you got it wrong."

"I'm telling you, Lucy Diamond would look better as a blonde. And maybe a tad more evil than you're managing to convey."

"Are you still on about that? Honestly, Clare, give it up."

"Your jealously is an ugly, ugly thing, J."

"I've told you not to call me that."

Unable to hide her grin, Lucy told 'J', "Well, I think you pull her off quite nicely."

Neither really knew why the female Jack Sparrow they were walking past looked so amused, but 'J' simply smiled back. "Thank you." Turning to Clare as they walked away, she said, "See? She knows."

"Oh, please," Lucy just barely heard as the two drifted out of earshot. "What would she know about being Lucy Diamond?"

It became very difficult to restrain her laughter.

"I suspect you'd know more then they'd think, wouldn't you?" Caroline asked conspiratorially.

Scud looked alarmed, but Lucy simply gave her an innocent look and smoothly replied, "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Oh, of course not," she replied with a wink. "Don't worry, I can keep my mouth shut... if you'll just answer one question, kind of settle a bet for me."

Intrigued despite herself, Lucy asked, "And what's that?"

"Is there another reason besides the official line as to why you started periodically 'kidnapping' Amy shortly after she broke up with her boyfriend?" Caroline asked with a grin.

Lucy chuckled. "Maybe there is, maybe there isn't."

"Come on, I'm offering to pretty much commit a felony here. You can answer one question for me."

That was true enough, she supposed. What the hell, why not? "Yes. Yes, there is."

"Ha!" Caroline exclaimed triumphantly. "I knew it! It's almost too bad, though."

"What is?"

A sly grin. "That she's taken."

Lucy grinned back at her. "I'd say I was sorry for that, but..."

"No, no. Can't say I blame you there."

A redheaded Batgirl slipped through the crowd and joined them. "Hey, there you are!" She was a bit more busty than Batgirl was supposed to be, though. Lucy noticed this, of course, because she was a professional thief, trained to pick up on small details.

"Here I are," Caroline agreed. "This is Lucy, and, ah, Will."

She smiled widely at them. "Hi! I'm Virginia. Call me Ginny, though."

Lucy stared at her for a moment, then clapped a hand over her mouth in a partially successful attempt to contain her laughter. Ginny frowned in confusion. "Why does everyone keep reacting that way when I introduce myself to them tonight?"

Lucy's muffled giggles only got worse when Caroline shrugged and innocently replied, "I have no idea. Hey, have you seen Amy Bradshaw around, yet?"

"I think so, over by the drinks. Some guy in a suit keeps trying to get her to dance, but she doesn't look like she wants to."

"T-thanks," Lucy gasped out as she almost staggered away, off in search of her girlfriend, a bemused Scud following behind.

"You owe me fifty dollars," Caroline informed a confused Ginny with a smirk.

Amy had to fight not to start fidgeting with her bracelet as she told Bobby, for the thirty-third time that night, that she did not want to dance.

It might have bothered her that she was keeping track, but she needed something to do to keep herself distracted while she waited for Lucy.

"Babe, come on..."

"Bobby, I said no!" she snapped, finally starting to lose her patience with him. She politely pretended not to notice money surreptitiously changing hands here and there as soon as she did snap at him, but she kind of wished her fellow DEBS would find something more constructive to do with their free time.

Dammit, where was Lucy?

Her sanctuary near the refreshments obviously compromised, she moved away, heading for another part of the room, pausing only when Bobby made a move to come with her. "Stop following me!"


"Honestly, Bobby," Janet said, appearing out of nowhere, looking very much like Judy Garland's Dorothy in her blue-and-white dress and sparkling red shoes. Amy was almost afraid to ask what was in the picnic basket she carried. She hadn't been able to find a Toto, though that was probably just as well. "No offense, but, well, it is getting kind of pathetic."

Bobby's wounded pride evidently kept him from moving, so Amy and Janet were finally able to make a clean getaway. "Thank you," she said quietly once they were out of sight of him. "I think I might have shot him if he'd kept that up much longer." Or at least smashed him over the head with her oversized wand. Maybe poked him with it until he left. The large star at the tip was fairly pointy, after all.

Janet smirked. "I could tell. And I don't think that Glinda the Good gunning down a gangster gatherer in a gaggle of gaily dressed girls would have been a great end to the gala."

"Nice alliteration," Amy told her with a grin.

"Thank you."

"I don't think the real Eliot Ness was quite that whiny, though."

"I should hope not. So, any sign of 'em, yet?"

"Nope. Of course, I have no idea what I'm looking for. Bit of a false alarm before with an FBI agent." Something else caught her attention. "Is that Dominique over there?"

Janet turned in the direction Amy was looking. "Yep." At least she wasn't dressed as a French Maid again. Dominique as a nun, however, was just so very, very wrong.

"Aren't those two with her Homeland Security agents?"


"Think we should tell Max?" she asked as they watched Dom leading the two men out of the room, presumably towards an empty classroom.

"In a while. Let her have some fun, first." Besides, interrupting her now wouldn't be nearly as satisfying. And it would do nothing to help make Dom understand why doing things like that was a bad idea.

"Well, naturally," a new voice interjected. "That's what this whole evening is about, right?"

Amy turned, blinked, and grinned. "Well, well... Captain Jacqueline Sparrow, is it?" It was a bit gutsy - or possible stupid - of her not to wear the beard that must have come with the costume, but she had to admit, she liked being able to see Lucy's face.

And kissing a bearded woman would have just been plain weird.

Lucy gave her a half-bow, took her hand and placed a "gentlemanly" kiss on it. "My Lady Glinda," she replied, making Amy giggle.

"And hello, 'Will'," Amy added, not wanting Scud to feel left out.

She needn't have worried. "I always did like Will Turner better," Janet commented as she approached him. "You look good, by the way." Very good, if the look she was giving him was anything to judge by.

"Thanks. And hi." This was directed at Amy before he turned back to Janet. "Tell me, if you click your heels together three times, can you wish us back to your bedroom?"

"We may need to follow the Yellow Brick Road."

"Maybe we should start now," he suggested as Janet lead him off into the crowd.

Amy and Lucy exchanged a fond grin once about the two of them once they were out of sight. "And it's about time you got here," Amy said with mock irritation. "What's wrong? Compass on the fritz?"

"Nope. See?" Lucy asked with a grin, taking it out again and showing it to Amy, at whom the needle was pointing unerringly. "Leads me right to my heart's desire."

Amy gave a very Glinda-like blush, then took Lucy's hand. "Dance with me?"

"I thought you'd never ask."

"See? I told you that your costume looked fine," Taylor informed her friend Becky as the two moved through the crowd. Taylor herself had gone as a biker, which had been something of a last minute choice - her previous assignment had only wrapped up that morning, after all, so she hadn't thought she was going to be able to make it - but had come together quite nicely.

"I suppose." It wasn't that Beck had doubted her, as such, just that... Well, maybe it kind of was. She just did not think she made a convincing mummy, no matter what everyone else said. "I'm not wearing this next year, though. It takes forever to get into."

Stealing a look at Becky out of the corner of her eye, Taylor nodded. "I'll bet," she said with a slight smile. The petite blonde was wrapped neck to toe in bandages, which were form fitting enough to make her wonder if there was anything at all under them. She'd left her head uncovered, though, partly so she wouldn't get too hot and partly to avoid screwing up her hair. "Oh, there's Caroline and Ginny over there."

Grimacing at her five-foot-nine friend, Becky said, "I'll take your word for it." She herself was five-foot-nothin', and often felt frustrated in such situations. Some of her hair had spilled forward into her face, and she tucked it back into place. Technically, she was a blonde, but the color was so light it almost looked silver. Her friends, brunette Taylor especially, always seemed so fascinated by her baby-fine hair. She didn't get it, but shrugged it off as a California thing.

"Sorry. But if it helps at all, right now I don't think they'd notice you if you marched right up to them and flashed them."

"Again?" Taylor's eyebrows shot up and she gave Becky a surprised look. Feeling her face flush a little, she clarified, "They're at it again, I mean?"

"Ah. Pity." It was Becky's turn to blink. "And yeah, they are."

"Don't those two need to breathe?"

She snorted in amusement. "I guess some things are more important than mere oxygen. If you want to go say hi to someone, though, I think I see Amy and... Oh. Um. Never mind."

"What?" She peered around Taylor to see Amy had been dancing with some girl dressed up as Jack Sparrow. 'Had been' not because they'd left the floor, but because they'd just stopped and were now making out right there on the dance floor. "Damn! Does this academy turn everyone gay?"

"I don't know." Seized by a sudden, mischievous impulse, she turned to face Becky and lowered the zipper on her top halfway. "Wanna find out?"

Becky stared at her, eyes bugging out.

Amy was now very glad Lucy hadn't worn the beard.

She was being not at all subtle, she knew, kissing Lucy in front of an entire cafeteria full of law enforcement personnel, but couldn't quite manage to care. None of them knew it was Lucy Diamond, obviously, but she was still kissing another girl.

Happily enough, however, although people must have noticed by now, no one had said anything. It made her feel warm inside that her friends and fellow DEBS were so accepting.

"Amy, I- What the hell...?"

Oh, for pity's sake... Couldn't this guy take a hint? Breaking away from the kiss, she fixed Bobby with an annoyed look. "Can't you see I'm busy?" she snapped, then turned away to kiss Lucy again.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" he asked, an edge seeping into his tone that made her think that his friends hadn't quite let him live down the scene with her before.

She didn't especially care. "No. The fact that I'm kissing another girl should really tell you that I'm never going to be interested in you again." Bobby was glaring at Lucy, a vague suspicion in his eyes. He was a lot closer up to her than anyone else had been, Amy realized with a sinking feeling, and while he may have been kind of dense, he was fairly good at his job. "So, if you don't mind, I'd kind of like to get back to what I was doing."

He wasn't listening. The tiny, tiny wheels inside his head were spinning madly, and he finally came to a realization. "Lucy Diamond?!"

"I've seen at least two other "Lucy Diamonds" so far tonight," Amy said, knowing full well that wouldn't convince him at this point.

"So did I," Lucy told her, eyes sparkling, as if Bobby was not standing right there trying to ruin their evening.

He pulled out his gun and aimed it at her. "You're under arrest," he informed her smugly.

At which point Amy smacked his hand with her wand, sending the gun to the floor. "Ow! Amy-"

"You utter ass! What the hell kind of idiot pulls a gun in a room this crowded?"

Lucy's hand slipped away from the edge of the 'flintlock' tucked into her waist. Amy pretended not to notice. "It didn't even go with your costume," Lucy told him with a half-smile. "You should have gotten one of those old snub-nosed revolvers, maybe a .38 or something."

Some of Bobby's fellow Homeland Security agents had drifted closer by this point, and had obviously caught on to what was happening. "Mike, get Amy out of here, before she gets hurt," he told one of them.

"Let go of me!" Unfortunately, the agent dressed up as... Well, she didn't actually know what he was dressed as. He was wearing an orange jumpsuit of some kind, with a headband made of a metal rectangle on a cloth band, the metal having an odd swirly design on it. Open-toed boots (presumably) completed the outfit. Whoever he was supposed to be, he was too strong, and, struggle as she might, she couldn't get away.

"It's for your own good, babe. We don't know what she might do to you otherwise." Obviously, he was under the impression that Amy hadn't known who she was really kissing.

Despite the fact that such thinking would keep her from losing her career, Amy opened her mouth to correct that idea, but Lucy cut her off. "Don't worry, baby. This won't take long."

Incensed by this, Bobby glared. "Oh, really?"

Lucy pulled her sword. "Yes, really."

As the guy in orange pulled Amy out of the room - causing more and more people to notice the developing situation - Bobby's other three friends, dressed up as the Musketeers, mirrored her movement.

Then they were in the school itself, and she couldn't see what was happening anymore. "Look, I'm sorry about this," her 'guard' told her. "But it really is for your own good. She could have killed you."

"Idiot," she grumbled as he opened the door to the first classroom they came to... and froze.

So this is where Dom snuck off to. Dominique was, well... stuck (so to speak) between the two HS agents she'd wandered off with before, and was clearly very... busy. She also seemed to be thoroughly enjoying herself, and none of the three of them even seemed to notice the door opening.

Taking advantage of his shock, Amy slipped away from her 'guard' and, to his surprise, dashed farther down the hall, rather then back towards the party. He silently shut the door and took off after her, but she ducked into another classroom and locked the door behind her.

Well, that made his job easier. Shrugging, he took up a sentry position near the door.

Inside, Amy smirked. She'd hoped he'd cooperate. Apparently, he'd forgotten about the large windows on the outside classrooms. Hang on, Luce, I'm on my way.

There was just one thing she needed to do first.

"Uh-oh," Scud commented as he caught sight of Lucy, sword in hand, surrounded by a trio of armed Musketeers. "Somehow, I don't think this was in her plan for the evening." Giving Janet an apologetic look, he said, "I hate to do this to you, but-"

"No, no. Go on. She looks like she needs some help. But try not to get yourself hurt TOO badly, all right?"

He smirked. "Your confidence in me in inspiring." Giving her a quick kiss, he hurried over to help his boss.

It quickly became apparent that none of them were skilled swordfighters. Lucy was doing a little better than most, but then, she had always wanted to be a pirate. Still, the crowd pulled further back, no one wanting to be injured by an errant swipe, and really, 'accidentally' was the only way some of them were going to wound their opponents, Scud included.

Suddenly, a ninja dropped down from the ceiling.

Everyone stopped, stunned into immobility by this implausible event. A few in the crowd looked up, as if for clues to where the new arrival had come from, but there didn't seem to be any.

Wordlessly, the ninja moved to Lucy's side and drew a katana.

With that motion, the fight was on again.

"Man," someone from the FBI commented. "The DEBS throw the best parties."

"Well, they do generally know what they're doing," someone else agreed. "Unlike some other agencies I could name."

The speaker, a CIA agent, was the recipient of several angry looks from nearby NSA agents, who clearly knew what he was referring to. "As if you're one to talk," an NSA agent jeered. "I heard about what happened in Prague."

"That's nothing compared that little incident in Texas last week!"

And that was all it took to start a brawl.

None of the combatants in the other fight seemed to notice that a good part of their audience was now otherwise occupied. Janet, however, did notice from her spot on the sidelines. She hadn't joined in because, not only did she not have a sword, but she didn't have a clue how to use one. Now, though... Well, this was just ridiculous. She hated to do it, but there was no other way.

She headed for the doors to go find Max.

Fortunately, she didn't have to look far. Max was around the corner of the building, leaning against the wall and smoking a cigarette. She'd dressed up as the main character whose name Janet couldn't place in that movie Underworld, but she hadn't wanted to wear the fangs, so she ended up looking like she'd wandered in from the set of the latest Matrix movie.

As long as she was able to remain heavily armed, though, Max probably wouldn't care what she looked like.

"Um, Max? We have a little bit of a... situation, developing inside."

"I haven't been out here long," Max said as she took a drag. "It can't be all that bad."

"Captain Jacqueline Sparrow, Will Turner, and a ninja are having a swordfight with the Three Musketeers and Eliot Ness, there's a big CIA/NSA brawl going on, Batgirl's making out with Catwoman in a corner, there's a biker trying to unwrap a mummy on the dance floor, and Dominique snuck off with a couple of Homeland Security agents a while ago and still hasn't come back."

Max stared at her incredulously for a long moment. "Can't I leave you people alone for five damn minutes?"

"Evidently not."

Inside, Lucy had to admit that she was enjoying herself. She easily ducked under a wild swing of someone's sword - she'd never been a big Musketeer fan, so she didn't know who was supposed to be whom, if they had actually chosen, and weren't just generic musketeers - and batted it away with her own, then swiped him across the arm.

Not that she hadn't liked the party beforehand. Indeed, she'd ended up having more fun in a room full of government agents than she would have expected, and dancing with Amy was always wonderful. But this, at least, she understood better. She felt a bit sorry that Scud hadn't had more time with Janet, but she was still glad he was there. And their mystery ally was proving to be pretty good with her katana - and her costume, though it completely hid her identity from anyone looking on, was form fitting enough to show that, yes, she was very much a woman - and with her martial arts skills.

Despite her silence and concealing costume, however, she'd taken an almost palpable glee in knocking Bobby senseless.

Lucy could hardly blame her. After all, she knew who it was. The metal band that had been pressed into her hand when the ninja had danced by would have made it clear even if she hadn't already recognized her kicking style.

And really, who else would it be?

With two more-or-less skilled challengers against them, the Musketeers didn't last much longer. Their opponents down for the count, Lucy and Scud took advantage of the general chaos going on around them to sneak out, and the ninja simply vanished as mysteriously as she'd appeared.

Two seconds later, a gunshot rang out.

Everyone instantly stopped what they were doing and turned to face the door. "And now that I have your attention," Max began loudly, lowering her gun (and silently hoping Phipps wouldn't freak out about a bullet hole in the ceiling). "I think that it's about time everyone called it a night. I suggest you all go home and start thinking up stories to tell your bosses in the morning, cause you know they're gonna hear about this."

Amidst much grumbling, sheepish looks, and grunts as people hoisted up unconscious friends and/or co-workers, people began heading out the exit. Max glared.

They picked up the pace a little.

As Max went to go see what was keeping Dominique, Amy appeared, looking calm and unruffled in her Glinda costume, despite her 'imprisonment'. It took Janet several minutes to fight her way through the mass of bodies heading for the exit and join her. "Are you okay?" she asked as soon as she was close enough.

Amy considered that. "A little pissed at having my date ruined, maybe, but otherwise... yeah. I'm just fine. How are you?"

Janet shrugged. "Kinda the same, I guess." She paused as she noticed Dominique's two playmates, now half-dressed and looking very embarrassed, joining the throng heading for the door. "At least Bobby didn't get away with it, right?"

"I wouldn't know. I was locked inside a classroom, remember?" Amy pointed out, the picture of innocence.

Janet rolled her eyes. "Riiiiiiiiiight." She paused. "What's keeping Max?" The room was almost empty by then, and their team leader was nowhere to be found.

Amy started snickering. "The same thing that's keeping Dominique?"

Janet stared at her for a moment, then her jaw dropped open. "Wha- Oh, you don't think that... Max?"

"Well, you know Dom." She paused, then slyly added, "Though if you want to go check for yourself, feel free. I'm sure they could use some more... help."

Janet turned red. "Hey, I am not you! I'm the straight one in the house, remember?"

Amy laughed. "Hey, I've never done that, either. But I think I'm gonna get out of here before someone tries to make me help clean up, or something."

Janet arched an eyebrow as Amy headed for the exit. "You have somewhere else to be?"

"I guess we'll see." She paused at the door, wand in one hand, as she opened the compass that Lucy had slipped to her before she'd left. The needle spun around a couple times, then settled on a direction.

The game was on again, only this time it was her turn to do the chasing. Fair was fair, after all.

As Glinda the Good strode out into the night, six words drifted back from her on the wind:

"Drink up me hearties, yo ho!"

The End

Return to D.E.B.S. Fiction

Return to Main Page