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Truth Of The Heart
(3 Times Lindsay Boxer Lied)
I lied to myself.
There was no hesitation in Cindy's step as she walked to the front door, much braver than anyone in her situation had the right to be.
I was scared senseless.
She stopped once as if feeling my gaze on her, then tucked her hair behind her ears, took a deep breath and went on.
I lied to myself when I assured myself that I was scared for her the way I would be for any of my friends, that I wasn't head over heels in love with her. And that was maybe what scared me most.
I lied to him.
'Great' wasn't only an exaggeration; it was a blatant lie that I told him the morning after in my kitchen. And I knew that it was all my fault, or hers, because I couldn't stop thinking of her.
That's why I tossed, couldn't sleep, haunted by past mistakes.
I tried hard, and it could have worked. But he'd be gone, and I couldn't keep on pretending any longer, but couldn't take the necessary steps either. So I kept clinging to the illusion.
'The long distance thing never works.'
She took it from me in a heartbeat.
I lied to the one I love.
I didn't go straight home; I sat in my car and called myself a coward. She got hurt because I didn't do my job right. Nothing like that could ever happen again. I could never tell her, had to keep her thinking that I didn't care as much as I did.
Didn't matter if it broke my heart. It was worth it to have her not so close; farther away from the danger I was equipped to deal with, but she was not.
I could tell myself I did it because I loved her, and that would be the truth.
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