DISCLAIMER: Bad Girls and its characters are the property of Shed Productions, no infringement intended.
CHALLENGE RESPONSE: Submitted for the Passion & Perfection Xmas Challenge 2005
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
Twas the Night Before Christmas
Twas the night before Christmas when all through Larkhall
The cons were in lockup, each trapped in her stall
The cell doors were checked and were bolted up tight
And all the screws hoped for a nice peaceful night
Nikki was nestled all snug in her bed
While visions of Helen-sex danced in her head
And Barbara was snoring, while up on the threes
Dockley was pleasuring Jim, on her knees.
When down in the dorm there arose such a clatter
The cons screamed, "Shut up! You twat-twatting-twatters!"
Away to the cell, the screws flew like a flash
Except for ol' Bodybag, still on her ass.
When they got to the cell and flung open the door
There they saw Denny and Shaz on the floor
Di turned to Bookie and asked, "Are they dead?"
"Naw, they were fucking and fell out of bed."
Then Shaz started laughing, and Denny did mutter
"Thought we were dead? You're a prize-bleedin' nutter!"
Di's anger was flashing as she said, to the con
"You'll both be on report if you don't shut your gob"
"Now both of you get yourselves up off the floor!
"Shaz get to bed! Denny you get in yours!"
"If you're not morecareful you'll go to the block"
Then Di closed the door and she reset the lock.
The screws hurried back to their chores and reports
Hoping that all would be quiet 'til morn.
But they didn't know it had all been a scam
Designed to distract from Yvonne's escape plan.
You see, one of her men had climbed the yard wall
Fully disguised as a screw from Larkhall.
He dropped to the courtyard and crossed to the door
Flashing a badge he had nicked weeks before
His get-up was perfect. He got in with ease.
('Specially since he had nicked some screw-keys!)
Once in the Wing he went straight to Yvonne
Opened her cell and then put some cuffs on.
They both moved so silently out of the cell
And then down the stairs. It was going so well!
Yvonne and her escort, they flew like a flash.
Passing old Bodybag. (still on her ass.)
Off through the corridor. Freedom was near.
In just a few minutes she'd be out of here!
And deep in her soul she hoped Fenner, (the choad)
Would be so upset that his head would explode!
They stopped just a moment to unlock the cuffs,
Yvonne rubbed her wrists, and again they were off!
In the blink of an eye they were safe in the yard.
Then the fugitives snuck up and cold-cocked a guard.
They spoke not a word as they went through the gate.
Then picked up the pace, not a minute too late!
The other screws noticed that Atkins was gone.
And quickly, they started pursuing the con.
But there was no prospect of stopping the pair
Who climbed up the ladder a friend had placed there.
And then the screws heard Yvonne shout from the wall,
"I'm out of this hell-hole! So sod off to all!"
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