DISCLAIMER: I own the thoughts in my head, maybe <g> but the characters of BoP are not mine. No infringement harm intended & certainly no profit is made.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Very much not beta'd. I just couldn't ask anyone to beta less than three pages for me.
DEDICATED: Quire! I have another completely different light hearted fic I'm writing for your lovely self to have a laugh at. It's not done yet. So you get this little bit of ficlet musings until then. Hope you enjoy.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
PAIRING: Barbara/Helena
Understanding
By North
Helena had been laying down on the gargoyle for some time, staring up at the sky as the Sun slowly wound its way down. She watched as the blue gradually blended with creeping colours of first a pale gold, then an ever darkening orange, and Helena's favourite, the bottom edges of the sky burning red.
She heard the manual chrome wheels long before Barbara was near enough to speak.
"That's a funny way to watch a sunset." Barbara stopped just to the side of the gargoyle and Helena.
Helena didn't take her eyes away from the sky. She realized an answer was needed so she replied, "I like to see things differently. Makes me appreciate them more."
"That's a beautiful thought," Barbara said quietly, pensive.
The sky darkened under Helena's scrutiny. "I guess."
"Come on, you can't admit to being a little bit romantic?"
Romantic? What a strange thing, no, Helena didn't think she was that. She never knew what to call the pain she felt so constantly. "Not really," she told Barbara.
A warm hand clasped her cold one, "I think you are. Even if it is too sweet for your too tough for your leather's attitude."
"You've been out here a long time." Barbara tried again when all there was had been silence.
"I guess." It took so much effort to speak, Helena's heart was so heavy in her chest.
"Do you want to talk about what's on your mind?" Barbara offered.
"Nothing's on my mind." It was true, it all lay heavy in her chest, pinning her down with the immensity of it all.
"Would you prefer to be alone?' The rich voice floated down to her, uncertain.
Alone? That word hurt, and odd wincing pain occurred when she heard Barbara say it. Alone would mean Barbara would go, and that caused her pain. "No, I don't want that."
A moment of the quiet, the sun sinking, the sky overhead. It did not seem limitless to Helena. Everything had limits, like her heart. Like how much she could take. And what she could give.
"Whatever it is, I'm here for you." Barbara's voice for so sure, so certain and confident. Helena wished she was. She didn't know anything and understood even less.
The sky shone in her suddenly wet eyesight. It shone like glass.
"I love you Helena."
Her vision shimmered and the glass sky shattered. "I know you do."
The pain in her chest tightened. She took a deep breath to ease it. It didn't help. And she couldn't see the sky anymore. The colours all bled together.
Fingers touched Helena's face, caught and took away some of the dampness, "Why are you crying?"
Her mouth parted to speak. It took a minute. "I love you too."
"And that makes you cry?" Barbara's voice is quiet, perplexed but hushed as though she were afraid. Helena knew that Barbara wasn't afraid of anything.
No more bleeding sky, Barbara's face was there and Helena felt compelled to meet those soft green eyes, took note of Barbara's concerned expression. Barbara held Helena's face in her hands, smoothed away the increasing tears. "Tell me why." She was no longer asking.
Helena found the strength to raise her arm, tangle her hand in Barbara's heavy rain of burning red hair. So many thing suddenly made themselves known to her. She pulled her down the short distance between them. She tasted that sweet mouth, felt Barbara's breath mix with hers. She released her quickly, allowing it to be only a fleeting dream of intent.
"Because I want to embrace only you," she whispered, her chest squeezed painfully in the vice of her emotions.
Green widened, Barbara stared at her, fingers traced her mouth. Barbara moved to speak, stopped, shook her head and tried again, "I waited so long, I didn't think you'd ever see it."
"You've waited...for me?"
Barbara's smile dazzled her more than any stars. "For a long time."
Helena blinked, the weight in her chest easing, "Why didn't you say something?"
Barbara looked down at her tenderly, a wise sadness in her eyes, "I have been. You just weren't ready to hear it."
Helena frowned slightly, she thought back to just moments ago. 'Whatever it is, I'm here for you.' Barbara had said. 'I love you.' Barbara had said. And now going over the words with a new perspective, she could hear the love in which they were said, hear the sad weight of acceptance in them. A gift given with no hope of dreams coming true. But now here was Barbara. And Helena loved her too. And maybe there was also hope that she could give her.
Helena couldn't think of what else to do except kiss Barbara. With everything she had, with every part of her soul she kissed her. Like she's always wanted to. Like she never dared. And the pain in her heart disappeared completely when she finally pulled away and saw the happiness shining in green eyes.
"You're sure?" Barbara asked, but her hands were already tangled in Helena's shirt, ready to pull her closer.
"Without a doubt." Helena replied, meaning it. Meaning all of it. "Are you?"
"With all my heart," Barbara said leaning in smiling. And then, Helena got a much more intimate contact with that smile. She sat up, and wrapped her arms around Barbara, holding her close, in wonder, in awe. And to her utmost heart's content, Barbara took her in and embraced her.
The End