DISCLAIMER: Okay, this is what I came up with off the top of my head. I got all the phrases in there however not sure how well I really pulled this off. Oh well. It was a shot in the dark. If it sucks... well ... you can't win them all. :-)
RESPONSE: to VJB list Challenge #1
Dedicated to Rachel since this is her challenge. Next List Challenge I think you should include the phrase "warp core monkey". Just a thought. *grin*

By Gizzmogeek

His insidious plan was working like clockwork. The automatic update of the nightly maintenance diagnostic was about to run. Hallelujah. He would have his revenge before you could say "Cream Cheese and Gherkins" three times. How dare B'Elanna leave him for that Ice Queen?

"Flyboy, what do you think you are doing?"

"B'Elanna! Err... What are you doing here?"

"Weeelll... Let's see. This is Engineering. I am Chief Engineer. You put it together. What the hell are you doing?"

"Nothing! Just ... ahh... seeing how things were going..."

"Move it or lose it Tom."

B'Elanna reviewed what Tom had been up to as he tried unsuccessfully to back out of Engineering. Unfortunately for him he backed right into Seven, who had followed B'Elanna into Engineering.

"Tom you're an idiot. I can't believe you are stupid enough to try and mess with my systems. Obviously when they made you they should have marked you 'Batteries not included'."

"I didn't do anything! You can't prove I changed those diagnostics. I saw something suspicious and was just checking it out. Really!"

"Lieutenant Paris. I would not doubt Lieutenant Torres' ability to determine your guilt. Your intelligence is that of a Porcupine."

That very un-Seven like comment got a raised eyebrow from B'Elanna and a very confused look from the sandalwood haired helm-rat.


"Should I speak slower for you Mr. Paris?"

B'Elanna at this point giggled, making Seven grin. Seeing Seven grin always made then compact engineer's hearts stop. B'Elanna broke into a full-fledged grin in response.

Tom broke the moment.

"Ummm... does this mean I can leave now?"

"No." Both women said at once.

"Tom, you changed these diagnostics so that it would overload the circuitry in Cargo Bay Two and take the alcoves offline. You may have added six degrees of separation, however it wasn't difficult to track it back to you who made the changes. I'm calling Security."

"Torres to Tuvok"

"Tuvok, Seven and I have Tom restrained here in Engineering. It appears he was attempting to sabotage some of our systems. Can you please come and take custody of him? I will turn over all of my evidence to help your investigation."

I will be there promptly with a Security Team and advise the Captain. Tuvok Out.

B'Elanna stepped towards Seven and Tom. By now Seven had placed both hands on either side of Tom, efficiently capturing his arms at his sides and restraining him in place. He was struggling in an attempt to flee but to no avail against Seven's superior strength.

B'Elanna noticed a slight scowl on Seven's face.

"Seven, what's up?"

"Mr. Paris, you smell like old socks. Have you not been using the Bathtime with Barney holovid that Harry set up for you last week during your counseling session?"

"Shut up woman! I will not be forced to bathe with that purple monstrosity! Bill and Ben and the flower-pot men have helped me see the light! I should be free to grow and plant my roots elsewhere!"

Tom's meaningless inane tirade was cut short by Tuvok and his security team reaching Engineering. The Doctor was with them and had brought both a straightjacket and a sedative.

"Ladies, I am very sorry he got away again. I will endeavor to increase the dosage of his medication to keep him docile." The Doctor injected Tom with the sedative and placed him in the straightjacket so security could lead him back to his quarters safely.

"It's okay Doc. We caught him before he could do any real damage. He is fairly predictable when he gets loose at least. He never really got over the fact that Nik and I got married 3 years ago. Too bad. He used to be such a good pilot before he completely lost it."

"Yes, well. If that is all, I will check in on Tom before returning to Sickbay. Good Evening Ladies."

"Good Night Doctor."

"Later Doc."

"So Nik, want to go take a long hot bath in our quarters?"

"Indeed." Seven smirked.

... fade to black ...

No helm-rats were injured in the making of this vignette however their mental statuses were severely questioned.

The End

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